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Lecture 13:Lecture 13:Sacrifice, Nothing is WastedSacrifice, Nothing is Wasted

Professor Daniel Cutrara

Adaptation (2002)

Susan Orlean (Book)

Charlie Kaufman (Screenplay)

Previous LessonPrevious Lesson

• Poetry of the Screenwriter

• External and Internal Imagery

• Chinatown

• Assignments

This LessonThis Lesson

• Writing is Rewriting

• More Guidelines for Revision

• Assignments

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Writing is RewritingWriting is Rewriting

Lesson 13: Part I

“As a novelist I have learned from long experience that writing is rewriting.  First drafts are ragged hollow things that need to be revised, rephrased and rethought again and again until something transcendent occurs on the page; until the story becomes life.”

-- Walter Mosley

• Writing is rewriting. The guidelines used for the peer feedback should be used to review your own script once you complete your first draft.

• You should review character, structure, plot, subplot, dialogue, tone, and the point of view.

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The RevisionThe Revision

Sacrifice, Nothing is WastedSacrifice, Nothing is Wasted

• Be willing to cut your darlings.• Be willing to sacrifice your jewels.• If they don’t serve your story cut them.• But keep a copy of what you cut.

– You may use it in another story– It may be a seed for a new scene– Nothing is wasted

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Your Story Your Story

• Pause the lecture and watch the clip from Adaptation.

• This scene provides a humorous caricature of Robert McKee. However, since you’re familiar with his text, you know that he is not as rigid as this portrayal suggests.

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Your Story - 2Your Story - 2• Keep in mind, if you are breaking the rules

of traditional storytelling, of the Archplot, be prepared for the consequences.

• Depending on where you fall on the story spectrum you may be limiting your audience and affecting the commercial potential of your script.

• You could have the next Pulp Fiction, or you could have one of the thousand scripts each year that ends up passed over by agents and studios. 8

More GuidelinesMore Guidelines

• Story• Description and Format• Additional tips for

structure and dialogue

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More Guidelines for RevisionMore Guidelines for Revision

Lesson 13: Part II

“Stories are like people, they have traveled a long way to get to your doorstep and you must understand a great deal to see who and what they are and where they might go.”

-- Walter Mosley

Story Story • Concept

– Is the concept unique?• If not, what other films have followed this course?• If so, how will it stand out from anything else that's

been done?

– Is it high concept?• It must be unique and appeal to a wide audience. It

can be said in one sentence and you instantly see the whole movie.

– Does it evoke a classic formula?• Boy meets girl, man versus nature, opposites

attract, coming of age.11

Story - 2Story - 2

• Payoff– Does everything pay off that has been

introduced?– Is the payoff big enough to satisfy the

audience?

• Does it offer castable roles?– Would actors find the characters interesting

enough to want to play?

• Does it show rather than tell?

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• Directing the camera without using camera directions.– Avoid doing the job of the director– Suggest shots within the description rather

than writing them explicitly• The first example from Trottier does the job for the

director.• The second example simply suggests.

 

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DescriptionDescription

Trottier: Sample - 1Trottier: Sample - 1

• EXT. HIGHWAY 27-DAY – AERIAL VIEW

We see the lush Florida countryside until we find our subject, a dark green van.

SLOW ZOOM IN ON VAN

VIEW ON VAN- MOVING

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Revised SampleRevised Sample• EXT. FLORIDA- DAY 

From the Atlantic shore, the lush countryside extends for miles. Below, a black two-Lane highway meanders through the spring growth. A green van scoots down the highway.

 

EXT. VAN- CONTINUOUS

The van rumbles along.

• Trottier suggests virtually everything that is specified in the first example

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Overwritten DescriptionOverwritten Description

• Overwritten description – What is essential to understand the scene?

• Avoid specific descriptions that aren’t necessary to understand the scene.

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Overwritten SampleOverwritten Sample• From Trottier: • INT. TRAIN- DAY Inside the train are all kinds of commuters. They are

from every age and ethnic group and they filled the train car clean up. They are all headed to work in New York City, as can be plainly seen from their working clothes. A bunch of them cannot find seats and must stand. One of them is SALLY STANWYCK, who has piercing blue eyes and long, flowing locks of blond hair. She is in her mid-20s and is wearing a silk blouse with a pink sweater over it and a plain black cotton skirt. She senses someone behind her and turns to see a young man giving her the eye and smiling at her in a very peculiar way. 17

Overwritten - The SpecificsOverwritten - The Specifics

• Avoid specific descriptions that aren’t necessary to understand the scene– Hair color, eye color– Descriptions of clothes

• Suggest the situation– Don’t spend too much time describing the

mise-en-scène

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Rewritten SampleRewritten Sample• Trottier Rewrite:

• INT. TRAIN- DAY Working professionals crowd the train car. Some stand.

Among them is SALLY STANWYCK, 25, pretty in a simple cotton dress she turns abruptly, sensing someone’s stares.

A young man in a suit assaults her with a smug smile.

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Trottier’s StrategyTrottier’s Strategy• Each block of text refers to one image or

action.

- First: The people in the train car

- Second: Sally and her action

- Third: The young man

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Revealing EmotionRevealing Emotion

• Revealing the emotion of your characters – Use small actions, facial expressions, gestures

• These can give insight into what characters are thinking or feeling – Examples:

• He squeezes her hand• John looks frustrated • She drops the phone

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Creating MoodCreating Mood

• Use description to create mood– The setting– Light

• Dawn, dusk, high noon• Indoors, poorly lit, brightly lit

– Include elements of nature• The weather, rain, sunshine, fog• Lush, jungle, rugged, desert

– Sound• Music, noise, bells, buzzers, phones

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StructureStructure• The first 10 pages 

– The reader must be engaged within the first 10 pages

• How do you engage the reader?– Character, sympathetic, intriguing– Conflict, mystery– Tone

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Opening HooksOpening Hooks

• Begin with the protagonist in the midst of their job- Action/Adventure/Crime– Indiana Jones– Die Hard

• Begin by introducing a character or world that seems intriguing– LA Confidential

• Begin with the second act break • Begin with the inciting incident

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ScenesScenes

• Every scene should have conflict.• Every scene should have a specific

purpose. • Ideally each scene will advance

understanding of the character and advance the plot.

• The character motivation in each scene should be clear to the audience or become clear later in the story.

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DialogueDialogue

• Common dialogue problems: – Overwritten dialogue: Characters speaking too

often in complete sentences– Overwriting dialogue direction: Avoid directing

the actors– Not writing for subtext: If you're scene doesn't

have subtext you need to rewrite it 

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FormatFormat

• When to break formatting rules: – You can break the rules when it pulls your

reader in for the sake of the story– If it throws the reader out then you lose

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AssignmentsAssignments

Lesson 13: Part III

Paris- When it Sizzles (1964)

Julien Duvivier and Henri Jeanson (Story)

George Axelrod (Screenplay)

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E-Board Post #1E-Board Post #1• Writing is rewriting. As you develop your

script toward completion, what ideas do you have for making it better?

End of Lecture 13End of Lecture 13

Next Lecture:

Being Proactive!

Juno (2007)

Written by Diablo Cody

(Frame from a deleted scene)