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T H E H A N D B OO K O F

Family DisputeResolution

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T H E H A N D B OO K O F

Family DisputeResolution

MEDIATION THEORY AND PRACTICE

Alison Taylor

THE JOSSEY-BASS LIBRARY OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION

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Copyright © 2002 by Allison Taylor

Published by Jossey-BassA Wiley Imprint989 Market Street, San Francisco, CA 94103-1741 www.josseybass.com

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in anyform or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise,except as permitted under Section 107 or 108 of the 1976 United States Copyright Act, withouteither the prior written permission of the publisher, or authorization through payment of theappropriate per-copy fee to the Copyright Clearance Center, Inc., 222 Rosewood Drive, Danvers,MA 01923, 978-750-8400, fax 978-646-8600, or on the Web at www.copyright.com. Requests to thepublisher for permission should be addressed to the Permissions Department, John Wiley & Sons,Inc., 111 River Street, Hoboken, NJ 07030, 201-748-6011, fax 201-748-6008, or online athttp://www.wiley.com/go/permissions.

Limit of Liability/Disclaimer of Warranty: While the publisher and author have used their bestefforts in preparing this book, they make no representations or warranties with respect to theaccuracy or completeness of the contents of this book and specifically disclaim any impliedwarranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. No warranty may be created orextended by sales representatives or written sales materials. The advice and strategies containedherein may not be suitable for your situation. You should consult with a professional whereappropriate. Neither the publisher nor author shall be liable for any loss of profit or any othercommercial damages, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or otherdamages.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Printed in the United States of AmericaFIRST EDITION

HB Printing 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3

Taylor, Alison, date–The handbook of family dispute resolution: mediation theory and practice/

Alison Taylor.p. cm.—(The Jossey-Bass library of conflict resolution)

Includes bibliographical references and index.ISBN 0-7879-5639-2 (alk. paper)

1. Family mediation. 2. Family counseling. 3. Dispute resolution (Law).4. Domestic relations. I. Title. II. Series.

HQ10.T28 2002362.82'86—dc21 2001006852

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CONTENTS

Preface xiAcknowledgments xvii

PART ONE: PRACTICAL THEORY

1. Understanding Family Dynamics 3Assessing the Family from the Systemic View 5 • Basic Tenets of Family Systems Theory 9 • The Change Process from a Family Systems Perspective 19 • Normalcy, Health, and Dysfunction 23• Dynamics of Personal and Family Development 28 • Alliances, Legacies, andSecrets 40 • Resilience and the Current Dilemma 49

2. Understanding Family Conflict 58The Multiple Levels of Family Conflicts 59 • Conflict Emergence and Intervention 60 • Analyzing Family Conflicts 68 • Reaction to Conflict: Anger,Indignation, and Aggression 73 • How Families Fight 87 •Negotiation Within Mediation 92 • Face-Saving in Family Conflict 97

3. Family Mediation Models and Approaches 104Models and Approaches: A Definition 106 • Stage Theory Models 107 •Problem-Solving and Negotiative Approaches 111 • Procedural Models 117 •

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Therapeutic Models 120 • Transformative Approaches 131 • Narrative Mediation Models 134 • Interactive Approaches 138 • Neutrality Concepts

Across Models 140 • Eclecticism, Integration, and Personalizing Models 142

4. Family Mediation Skills and Techniques 146Case Assessment and Formulation 147 • Shaping Client Sessions for Effectiveness 153 • Mediating with Multiple Family Members 159 •

Caucusing 161 • Power Balancing 167 • Neutrality and Client Self-Determination 170 • Transforming Impasses 175

PART TWO: FAMILY MEDIATION PROCESSES

5. Special Case Issues 183Control, Abuse, and Violence 184 • Mental Health Concerns 194 •Reporting Child Abuse and Neglect 200 • Framing Agreements for

Special Issues Cases 207

6. Ethics and Standards, Confidentiality and Privilege 210Ethics and Standards 211 • Confidentiality and Privileged Communication 222

7. Cultural Issues in Family Mediation 229Family Culture 231 • Assessment of Cultural Factors 234 • Identity, Adaptation, and Assimilation 239 • The Mediator’s Cultural Perspectives 242

• African American Families in Mediation 243 • Hispanic CulturalThemes 249 • Asian Perspectives 257 • Gay and Lesbian Families 265 •

Ethics and Practice Standards for Cultural Issues 271

8. Interfacing with Other Professionals and Parties 273Continuity-of-Care Continuum 274 • Involving Children and Other Parties 277 • Working with Advocates and Attorneys 283 • Individual

and Marital Therapists 287

PART THREE: SPECIALIZED PRACTICES IN FAMILY MEDIATION

9. Marital Mediation, Conciliation, and Prenuptial Agreements 293Conciliation: Mediating the Problems of Staying Together 293 • Marital Mediation Assessment 295 • Themes of Attachment, Love, and Trust 300 •Defining the Relationship by Agreement 301 • Creating Appropriate Consequences 303 • Prenuptial Agreements: More Than Money 304

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10. Divorce Mediation 307The Divorce Mediator’s Role 308 • Mandatory and Voluntary Mediation 309• Married Versus Unmarried Separations 312 • Complete Divorces or Parenting Issues Only 316 • Describing a Case Using an InteractiveModel 322 • Integrating Children into the Process 332 • Postdivorce Concerns and Modifications 336

11. Parent-Teen Mediation 343Service Provision Considerations 345 • Power Dynamics During Sessions 348 •Speaking Naturally 349 • Practice Dimensions 350 • Classic Parent-Teen Mediation: Pam and Suzie 350 • Sequential Family Mediations: The Kents 353 •Victim-Offender Youth Programs: The Nguyens 358

12.Adoption, Abuse, and Placement Cases 362Fitting the Model to the Situation 364 • Confidentiality and Privileged Communi-cations 365 • Power Dynamics in Placement Cases 369 • Child Protection andPlacement Cases 372 • Adoption 375

13.Elder Care and Family Medical Concerns 388Mediable Disputes for Elders and Ill and Disabled People 390 • Issues of the Elderly Population 391 • Power Issues in Medical Disputes ConcerningElders 391 • Mediating Family Medical Issues 396 • Mediating Adult Guardianship 399 • Case Example: Out-of-Home Placement for an Aging Parent 402 • Case Example: Placement and Medical Treatment Dilemmas 408 •Case Example: Postprocedure Medical Complaint 412 • Case Example: Adult Guardianship of a Disabled Sister 415

Appendix A: Household Map 419Appendix B: Report of the Academy of Family Mediators

Task Force on Spousal and Child Abuse 421Appendix C: Control, Abuse, and Domestic Violence Screener 425Appendix D: Parenting Plan Rationale and Matrix 429Appendix E: Budget Sheet 445References 449The Author 461Index 463

CONTENTS ix

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PREFACE

Starting this work in earnest in January 2001, I am reminded that the firstmonth is named for the two-faced Roman god, Janus, who looked backwardand forward at the same time. This book seeks to look in both directions at

the same time with one mind—looking forward to providing new and currentlypracticing family mediators excellent concepts, processes, and specific infor-mation so they can continue to define for themselves their best way of practic-ing mediation, while also looking backward to capture and weave into thefuture the things of value from two decades of my own and other people’s work.

I came to this field in the early days, when so much needed to be learned,built, and done by enterprising entrepreneurs and pioneers. In the past fewyears, with the convergence in professional organizations and national unifor-mity of laws and practice that may eventually lead to certification or licensure offamily mediation practice, I find that some ideas worthy of being saved or atleast noted in the development of this field are being lost, forgotten, or dis-carded, like indigenous practices and certain species. Although this evolution-ary process can help weed out unhelpful or archaic ideas and practices, theworry is always that what is best may be lost in the urge toward uniformity.

Some ideas and ways of approaching family mediation practice are destinedto be classics that will continue to be used because they still have something ofvalue to offer. Others will be proven to be fads that fade or good ideas that didnot stand the test of time or no longer speak to newer ways of thinking anddoing. Evolution comes with a price, and with gain must come loss. To modify

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the famous quotation, those who remember the past are no longer doomed torepeat it, repackage it, or reject it.

This sorting, ordering, and categorizing process, which can be tedious but isnecessary, is often called a history-and-systems course in academic disciplines:students learn about the past because it informs the present. It is about remem-bering contributions, concepts, and practices that may still be useful or thatmark the discipline’s growth and knowledge.

Although family mediation, as part of the alternative dispute resolution(ADR) movement in our justice systems, is part of and affected by larger soci-etal changes, it may not yet qualify as a profession until the majority of practi-tioners know an organized body of information that they continue to pass along,contribute to, and maintain, for that is the essential element of a profession ordiscipline. This book is one step toward this goal; I hope it gives readers an inte-grated overview of the topics, issues, and information.

OVERVIEW OF THE CONTENTS

This book is divided into three parts. Part One looks at issues of basic theoret-ical understanding that mediators need to know about families, conflict, andthe mediation process for family disputes. These first four chapters are critical tounderstanding the uniqueness of family mediation, which is different from otheruses of mediation, such as business disputes and small claims mediation. Theseare understandings that attorneys and therapists may not have gotten in an orga-nized way in their original professional training or even during their short medi-ation training courses.

Chapter One focuses on a systemic approach to families rather than seeingthe parties as separate individuals who are disconnected. It looks at the devel-opment of the family as a system and the likelihood of certain disputes’ arisingwithin families because of individual and family developmental stages. Chap-ter Two looks at how family conflict is manifested. Because of the level of inter-dependence, many family conflicts have been covert for years and are extremelyanxiety producing when they are overtly expressed. Families can experience nor-mal conflict as deep betrayals, and family secrets are often revealed duringmediation efforts.

Chapter Three asks family mediation practitioners to assess their own modeland approach, how they got it, and what it has as advantages and disadvan-tages, so that they can make a more informed choice regarding their own train-ing and services and therefore be more accurate and clearer with theirprofessional disclosure to clients. Chapter Four reviews the interventions thatgrow out of the models and approaches. It reviews some examples that showhow a practitioner from one perspective and model may act very differently in

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practice from a mediator using a different model. The basic presumption is thatfamily mediators act as they think. This chapter focuses on the specific behav-ior of the mediator during sessions.

Part Two explores complex issues that family mediators must recognize andthat require some additional attention. Family mediators, more than labor- orbusiness-oriented mediators, need to understand the unique dynamics of abu-sive and drug-affected families, the cultural dimensions within families, and thecomplexity of working with family cases. These understandings are about thecontext of family mediation practice that requires practitioners to offer morethan generic mediation. The issues brought up in these chapters may be rea-sons that mediators, no matter which model they use or what type of disputethe family is having, must assess the case and perhaps modify their usual orstandard practice in mediating it.

Chapter Five looks at the issues of special concern to family mediators thathappen all too often in these kinds of disputes: domestic violence, drug use, andother conditions. These are the conditions that may indicate that family media-tion is inappropriate or needs to be modified to make it a fair and safe processfor all participants and those who are affected by it. Chapter Six discusses a fam-ily mediator’s ethics and special duties to provide a safe haven for the disputeto be discussed. It looks at the reporting requirements when a mediator is unsureif he or she must divulge information outside the mediation session.

Chapter Seven introduces the notion that mediation practice must beinformed by and modified to match the cultural needs and expectations of thepeople it serves. It starts, but does not end, the discussion of how culture affectsthe mediators themselves, the participants, and the culture of mediation that isconducive to best practices. Chapter Eight acknowledges that mediators are ona continuum of services that the disputants experience. It looks at what familymediators need to do to minimize disruption for their clients while not over-stepping the boundaries of the family mediation practice.

Part Three outlines specific applications of the mediation process to commondisputes that arise in families. Services have often been oriented around the typeof dispute it is—that is, who is involved or the manifest issues being decided.This part is organized into chapters that look at what is current practice andspecial knowledge that a practitioner would need to know in handling cases ofthat type.

Chapter Nine focuses on the use of mediation for marital disputes when thefamily does not want to divorce but needs to solve important problems and dis-putes, as well as the use of mediation for prenuptial agreements. Chapter Tenis a review of the most heavily addressed aspect of family mediation: divorceand custody issues. Because this is the area in which I have spent most of myprofessional career, I state what I believe is most important; my assumption isthat readers have already come to terms with their own model and theory base.

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Chapter Eleven looks at a relatively new development: the use of mediationpractice to help with parent-teen problems within families. This chapter looksat how parent-teen mediation services can work with existing divorce or fam-ily mediation services. The change of families by adoption and external place-ment by child protective agencies and courts is the subject of Chapter Twelve.Because these disputes often involve allegations and actualities of abuse,neglect, and other disruptions, the reader needs to have absorbed all of the pre-vious chapters. A growing area of practice for family mediators covered in Chap-ter Thirteen is the disputes that arise for families when a loved one is ill,disabled, temporarily or permanently incapacitated, or needs ongoing adultsupervision, or when there are divisions within the family about extreme, end-of-life, or urgent medical care.

Each part sets out the ideas, references, and information that have been help-ful to me and other mediators as we have moved through the professional devel-opment process. These ideas, skills, processes, and approaches should not beleft behind in the evolution of the practice of family mediation. As new clear-inghouses, databases, programs, and applications are developed, family medi-ation practitioners should review their own need for updating, and publicationssuch as this must continue to incorporate the best practices that are upheld bysolid research and user satisfaction. Our new professional organization, theAssociation for Conflict Resolution, should be helpful in facilitating the sharingof relevant information.

My guess is that readers will be tempted to select only the chapter in PartThree that they are interested in and bypass the earlier chapters. I urge readersnot to skip Parts One and Two. They provide the foundation of understandingnecessary before getting to specifics. The chapters throughout this book aresequential, and the effect is cumulative. Readers who do not read Parts One andTwo will find Part Three incomplete and inadequate to provide the necessarysupport to be effective. All readers should take the time to start at the begin-ning, to augment their information and understanding. Mediators working withfamilies need to read across the disciplines of social work, social and personalpsychology, cultural anthropology, and child development, as well as negotia-tion and conflict resolution.

PURPOSE OF THE BOOK

The goal of this book is to summarize the current state of family mediation the-ory and practice as part of the creation of ADR programs and services. The bookhas been written with two audiences in mind: those who come to the field froma legal ADR perspective and those who come from a therapeutic or clinical ori-entation, since those are the most common paths that converge in family dispute

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resolution. The goal has also been to organize, summarize, compare and con-trast, and make recommendations about the often conflicting and incompletetheories and practices, so as to make them available in one place.

This is not strictly a textbook, but it may need to serve as such for those whoare already in family mediation or ADR practice and those who need to expandtheir practice to include additional types of disputes within family mediation.It should be helpful to beginning mediators, who are just starting to find outhow to do family mediation, and to seasoned veterans, who have been practic-ing for a while but are thinking of expanding or clarifying their practice. If thisbook has met its goal, readers will reach for and refer to it often as they workwith new types of challenging cases. It will provide readers with more self-understanding as well as practical information they can use in their work. Thisbook is a work in progress, as is the reader’s mediation understanding and prac-tice.

Hillsboro, Oregon Alison TaylorDecember 2001

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Life is short, the art long, opportunity fleeting, experience treacherous, judgmentdifficult.

—Hippocrates, Aphorisms, sec. I

There are in fact two things, science and opinion; the former begets knowledge, thelatter ignorance.

—Hippocrates, Law, Book IV

If I have seen further, it is by standing upon the shoulder of Giants.—Sir Isaac Newton

We all have teachers and mentors who help shape our thoughts andactions as we are moving through the process of personal and profes-sional development in the direction of artistry. This book is not only my

own understanding of the theory and practice of family mediation after twentyyears of practice; it is also based on the thoughts and actions of others who havecontributed to the field as it is today. They will continue to be the shoulders onwhich all of us may stand to get a better view of the work we do.

I would like to acknowledge two men whose broad shoulders helped me:Stan Cohen and Nolan Jones, whose pioneering work and support of innova-tion at Clackamas Family Court Service in Oregon created the conditions for meand many others to develop ourselves and the uses and practices of familymediation. In that place and on that same path were other kindred souls whohave shaped and influenced me and many others. Vana O’Brien’s understand-ing of couples and family dynamics in conciliation and mediation are unsur-passed. Barbara Lee in Lane County is another successful graduate of theClackamas internship program, whose careful and thoughtful approach to dif-ficult legal and political issues as well as concerns about domestic violence andappropriate policies have been a help to the thinking within the field. Mary AnnZaha, who has focused on the emotions beneath our work, has moved our per-ception from the businesslike negotiative approach to the understanding of theneed to deal fully with the emotional issues in family disputes. Amy Swift

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helped develop parent-teen programs that integrated with other forms of fam-ily mediation, and her model of including teenage mediators has been highlyuseful in making knowledge of mediation transferable.

In addition to my local sages, my view of the larger world of family media-tion has certainly been enhanced by the involvement of nationally knownthinkers and doers. Jay Folberg, with whom I had the honor of teaching law stu-dents about mediation as part of one of the first alternative dispute resolution(ADR) classes at a law school when people were still asking what mediationwas, held a wide-angle lens to the development of this field for me and manyothers. Michael Lang’s development of an individualized master’s degree pro-gram for those who would work with interpersonal disputes has helped pro-duce and support cadres of practitioners who think reflectively and interactsensitively rather than automatically or prescriptively. John Haynes, whosevideotapes show us a smooth master and whose prolific writings on importanttopics serve as a first foundation for this field, is the intellectual grandfather towhom we all owe a debt.

Robert Benjamin’s creative writings and forceful opinions have served thefield as the gadfly that makes us stop to think in different ways. Larry Fong hasshown us over the years how to blend therapy with mediation to make bothstrong. Donald Saposnek, whose quiet presence has graced many conferences,continues to provide the good questions and seek the answers. Empiricallyminded researchers such as Joan Kelly have reminded us of the need to hangour hats on what is real and provable rather than what we might surmise orjust hold as an opinion. Practical educators such as Isolina Ricci have given usand our clients the information needed.

This field is constantly in progress, and we need those who will take whatwe do know and continue to apply it to new areas or in new ways. Gregory Fire-stone, Jeannie Etter, Bernie Meyer, and others are developing new frontiers, suchas the use of mediation for adoption and placement. The recent work of JohnWinslade and others in adapting narrative therapy to mediation has added newways of thinking and working. And many other ordinary heroes of family medi-ation are silently doing this work, expanding the uses in their own sphere ofinfluence.

From the writings and practice of these and other current thinkers and fore-runners, we have been educating those who would do this important work ofdeveloping family mediation as a separate but integrated field that has depthand breadth, science as well as opinion, theory as well as practice. In bringingtogether some of these best thoughts and trying to organize and synthesizethem, my hope is that as an interdisciplinary field of endeavor, we can coalescewhat we know and what we need to find out. The need now is to organize thisinformation personally and as a profession—not as rigid codification or as globalgeneralizations but as composites made of our separate experiences that will

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continue to contribute to the larger understanding. A further hope I hold is thata shared reality of basic information we all can use will help all of us continueto improve what we do uniquely and separately.

There is more work to do in order to help develop organized internships andapprenticeship training opportunities for those who want to develop their ownand their system’s expertise. I would like to acknowledge the role of educationalinstitutions such as Antioch, Portland State University, Marylhurst University,and Northwestern School of Law at Lewis and Clark, where I have been con-nected, in moving toward a more comprehensive way of providing opportuni-ties for learning and teaching potential practitioners and potential participants ininterpersonal and family mediation. I also acknowledge the important role ofthe publishers and professional organizations that work as allies and help iso-lated practitioners get up-to-date information. I look forward to the future, whenI hope that there will be a merging of these three major forces of educationalsystems, professional organizations, and Internet and new technology publish-ing to work together to create even higher platforms for development of thisinformation sharing.

There are many others to whom I owe a debt of gratitude for their work andcontributions. I acknowledge the help I have gotten from my editor, Alan Rin-zler, and colleagues with whom I have consulted while preparing the manu-script of this book. I appreciate the indulgence and support of my family andfriends as I worked on this while trying to maintain active and full involvementwith my teaching, workplace, and family obligations, all of them very impor-tant to me. I hope I have accurately interpreted and represented the conceptsand practices I have included in this book. I am grateful for the help and sup-port I have received along the way so far and look forward to going further ingood company, to continue to develop this richly complex, challenging, andhopeful use of ADR in family disputes of all kinds.

A.T.

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T H E H A N D B OO K O F

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PART ONE

PRACTICAL THEORY

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CHAPTER ONE

Understanding Family Dynamics

What is true about family mediation is that first and foremost, it is aboutfamilies, and secondarily, it is about mediation and dispute resolutionprocesses. Family mediators help families change from what does not fit

to what will work better. Therefore, it is absolutely critical for family mediatorsto understand how families work, and when and how they do not. Because fam-ily mediators come from all types of professional backgrounds and all kinds offamilies, it is imperative to start with a thorough investigation of how familiesare constructed, how they operate, and when and how they will or will notmake changes that will lead to continuing conflict or more peaceful and har-monious relationships. The place that family mediators must start in under-standing their work is with an understanding of how families operate in orderto provide dispute resolution when conflicts occur. Whether the professional isacting as a mediator, a third party brought into the dispute to intervene in theconflict, or a facilitator, who simply helps conduct a dialogue, this understand-ing of the life cycle and functionality of behavior within a family can help thepractitioner explain to himself as well as those in the conflict not only how the conflict started but what maintains it and what has to be done in order tolet the conflict go. Mediators need some theoretical perspectives on the waysthat families function that help make sense of the struggle. They need to under-stand why there often is apparent resistance to change in ways that appear tobe so patently easy and beneficial.

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Everyone who works with family-related disputes needs to understand howfamilies work. The limits of a practitioner’s theory are the limits of that person’sunderstanding of what and why things are happening in the interaction. Medi-ators who understand systems theory and other concepts that explain familydynamics will see their constellation of theory expand, with an expanded capac-ity to use that theory at critical moments during interactions with disputants(Lang and Taylor, 2000).

Family mediation rests on four major pillars of knowledge and skill: familylaw, which contributes the frame in which the parties can legally negotiate andsets the boundaries of rights and responsibilities that are important to society;mediation and other conflict resolution theory and skills, which is the mediumin which we work; an understanding of family, adult, and child development,each as separate knowledge that contributes to understanding the general fieldin which we operate; and specific information about the processes and struc-tures involved in the specific dispute (for example, custody, parent-teen, reuni-fication), which provides enough starting information to ask good questions andunderstand the specific dispute dynamics (Taylor, 1994). There are a few basicconcepts in adult and child development that family mediators can draw fromthe broader study that are particularly relevant. Family mediators must under-stand the context in which the family conflict is embedded, and this contextoften relates to the stage of development of the parents and the children in thefamily, as well as the stage of development of the family as a unit.

This chapter sets out the essential understandings about family dynamicsthat those doing dispute resolution for families need so that they can under-stand and respond more consistently. This is particularly important for familymediators who have come to this work from legal or financial backgrounds orfields other than human services. Law courses will have provided attorney-based mediators with an understanding of where the family is standing relativeto the legal requirements, obligations, and rights afforded them by law. This isthe frame in which the picture of the family is bound. It is extremely importantto know the boundaries of the law in order to understand the reciprocal bondsof rights and requirements. But knowing all the relevant family law rules willnot give the family mediator a complete enough picture or fully describe thefamily. Knowing what the individual and group and reciprocal rights and oblig-ations should be will not explain to the family mediator what happens whenthe rules are not followed or why the family did not follow the standard socialcontract. An understanding of family law is certainly critical to an understand-ing of the family dispute in question and forms one of the four foundations ofthe work of family dispute resolution. However, this understanding is incom-plete without the theory and practical implications of how families maintainthemselves, change, communicate, and function on a daily basis.

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In order to understand the nature of families better, mediators need to havepractical theory, based on clinical experience and research, that explains what isand is not going on. This helps them make sense of what often appear to beillogical, chaotic, or inexplicable in the thoughts and behaviors of family mem-bers and their interactions. The theory should give answers to the followingquestions:

• What are essential understandings about how families as systems oper-ate before, during, and after conflicts arise?

• How and why do different members of the family respond differently tothe same situation or conflict? What can the mediator do about theirreactions?

• How does each family member’s need for maintaining his or her self-concept help to fuel the conflict, and how can mediators recognize anddeal with this issue?

• How is the past affecting the current dispute, and what can and shoulda mediator do about this positive or negative legacy?

• What would be the elements of a resolution of the conflict that wouldcreate or maintain family and individual health? What elements would not contribute or even actively work against the concept of health and healing?

• How can a mediator understand the underlying issues that family mem-bers bring to the current conflict?

ASSESSING THE FAMILY FROM THE SYSTEMIC VIEW

All families, whether they themselves or outsiders describe them as happy,maintain patterns of interaction that either lead to functionality (and thereforea perception of happiness) or are not helpful to one or more members of thefamily (and therefore lead to unhappiness by some members). Those patternsof interaction can be changed by the awareness and change of one or moremembers of the family. This statement depicts the family from a systemic pointof view. It includes the basic construct that families operate like all other sys-tems. It also indicates that change for the system can happen when only oneperson makes a change in his or her perception and behavior. Family mediatorshelp families by creating conditions for that change.

There is a very practical reason to begin this book on family conflict resolu-tion with general systems theory. An understanding of systems theory can pro-vide family mediators with a way of explaining and making meaning of conflicts

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and their solution, and it can provide for broader problem solving and more cre-ative solutions (McDermott and O’Connor, 1997). Particularly for mediators whocome to family practice from other dispute resolution practices, such as work-place and business disputes, knowing general systems theory and being able toanalyze a family based on these principles can lead to an understanding of thedimensions of the problem. By deconstructing the more generalized systemsproblems inherent in a particular case, the family mediator can demythologizethe problem and apply universally recognized approaches to it.

Family therapists and social workers who deal with family systems havenoted the practicality of understanding this systems perspective, which hasbecome a dominant paradigm shift in the past twenty years in all of the help-ing professions (Becvar and Becvar, 1998; Nichols and Schwartz, 2000). Sys-tems theory reminds practitioners that they must always look not only to theindividuals involved in a conflict but also to the systems in which the conflictis embedded in order to manage or resolve that conflict.

General Systems PerspectivesWe begin with the essential elements of all systems, not just families as systems.This is called general systems theory and is used to explain the functions ofmechanical and other physical systems in nature. Systems thinking has revolu-tionized many disciplines in the hard sciences, as well as the human sciencesof psychology, social work, and therapy. It is important to discover what is thesame and what is different about families as systems when compared to othergeneral types of systems.

According to Anderson and Johnson (1997), all systems, whether they arehuman families or mechanical systems, share the following principles:

• All of the system’s parts must be present for the system to carry out its purpose optimally.

• A system’s parts must be arranged in a certain specific way for the system to carry out its purpose.

• Systems attempt to maintain their stability despite fluctuations andadjustments.

• Systems require feedback loops between parts to convey vital commu-nication.

• Systems are part of larger systems and structures.

Putting these principles into a family context, families obviously work bestfor doing the instrumental tasks of maintaining the survival and well-being ofthe family as a whole when all members (the mother, father, children, andextended family members) maintain ongoing relationships with each other andsupport each other by doing their part. When fathers or mothers are emotion-

6 THE HANDBOOK OF FAMILY DISPUTE RESOLUTION

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