Chapter 12: The Quote and the ParaphraseCopyright © 2011

In previous chapters, we learned about using examples with details in essays to provide support for the Thesis Statement. However, you can also use direct quotes or statistics to provide Support for the Thesis Statement. These quotes or statistics can come from journals, articles, or books found in the on-line or printed resources from your library. For example, the library at the Boulder County Campus of Front Range Community College has an extensive on-line data base that students can access using the following URL: http://www.frontrange.edu/FRCCTemplates/FRCC7.aspx?id=44.

Here are Links to some of the most popular databases in the Boulder County Campus Library:

EBSCO Full text magazine and journal articles from many different databases

Opposing Viewpoints Resource Center

Credible articles and statistics supporting both sides of controversial issues

Newsbank (Newspaper Database)

Search newspapers from all 50 states individually or combined

In this chapter, we’ll cover the two primary ways of bringing the ideas and research of experts into your writing. The first is called the Direct Quote when you use the author’s exact words, and the second is called the Paraphrase or Indirect Quote, when you use the author’s ideas but in your own words. Both methods make for effective support.

The Direct Quote

As you read journals, magazines, newspapers, or books to gather information about the topic of your essay, you can copy the quotes from those articles that you will use to provide support for your Thesis Statement into a Research File stored on the computer. And with on-line databases, you can simply highlight what looks interesting and copy and paste the information directly into the Research File. Then when you’re writing your essay, you can copy the quotes you especially like into your support paragraphs. It’s critical, however, that

when you copy quotes into your essay, you must also cite the article where the quote came from (see Chapter 21 on the MLA method of citation).

It’s also important that you not use quotes to fill up space or increase the word count. It’s all too easy to use the computer to copy quotes into their essays without completing the work necessary to develop original ideas. The page length “magically” increases, and we think we’re making the professor happy. This creates two problems: 1) The writing becomes scattered, moving t away from a tight organization and focus to a disjointed journey from one quote to the next; and 2) The writing fails to make either the professor or the readers happy. They expect want to read a student’s own writing – an organized expression of original ideas – not other people’s ideas, even if they are experts!

So why use quotes at all? The purpose of a quote is to support your ideas, while keeping your ideas in the foreground.

As weaving quotes into the essay make sure of the following:

1. Give the readers a clear idea of the context of the quote (include author, research information, etc.).

2. Make the connection clear between the quote and your support (the idea or support point in the essay that the quote provides evidence for).

3. Include a transition phrase that introduces the quote (“the author writes,” “the research found,” “according to Dr. Ross,” etc.).

Here’s an example essay from the University of Wisconsin Writing Lab that illustrates the above methods:

[Context for the Quote] Ross (1993), in her study of poor and working-class mothers in London from 1870-1918, [2Connection between the quote and the support point] makes it clear that economic status to a large extent determined the meaning of motherhood. [2Transition Phrase] Among this population, "To mother was to work for and organize household subsistence" (p. 9).

Here’s a second example:

(Student writer’s Support Point) Illness was rarely a routine matter in the nineteenth century. (Transition Phrase)* As Ross observes, "Maternal thinking about children's health revolved around the possibility of a child's maiming or death" (p. 166).

The Writing Center – The University of Wisconsin-Madison2010http://writing.wisc.edu/Handbook/QPA_quoting.html

*Notice that once the context is given for the author’s research (in the first example), you don’t need to repeat the background each time you quote that author. Furthermore, the connection between your support point and the quote can be given with a simple transition phrase: “As Ross observes.”

Examples 3 and 4 are from a Time magazine article on exercise and mood:

Example 3

(Writer’s Support Point and connection between the quote and the support point) Still, despite limited data, the trials all seem to point in the same direction: Exercise boosts mood. It not only relieves depressive symptoms, but appears to prevent them from recurring. "I was really surprised that more people weren't working in this area when I got into it," (Transition Phrase) *says Smits, (Context for the Quote) an assistant professor of psychology at Southern Methodist University.

Example 4

(Writer’s Support Point): Second, the mood-enhancing benefits of exercise can kick in fast — a lot faster than, say, its impact on weight loss or cardiovascular health. "By and large, for most people, when they exercise 30 minutes — particularly when it's a little bit more demanding, and they get their heart rate up — they feel better," (Transition Phrase): *Smits says. "You get an immediate mood lift."

Is Exercise the Best Drug for Depression?Laura Blue June 19, 2010 http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1998021,00.html

*Notice that you can position the transition phrase at the beginning, the middle, or at the end of the quote. Changing the placement adds variety to your writing.

Quotes without Transition Phrases

Another way to use quotes and add variety to your writing is to leave out the transition phrase. Not using a transition phrase makes sense as long as you don’t confuse the readers. It’s okay to leave out a transition phrase if two conditions are met: 1) If you’ve already provided context for the quote, and 2) If the transition to the quote is clear without a transition phrase.

Here’s an example:

(Transition Phrase): According to Faulkner, [Context for the Quote] writing in the Contemporary Review, (Paraphrase, see following section) after the Second World War landmines have been used in agricultural lands, (Direct Quote): "villages, water sources, religious shrines," and also as "anti-morale, or terror weapons[s] targeting" civilian populations. (Transition Phrase): According to the United Nations, (Paraphrase, see following section) landmines can cost as little as $3.00 (Faulkner). (Writer’s Support Point): Because they are cheap and effective, they are being used more and more in different conflicts around the world. *(Quote not needing a Transition Phrase,): "It is estimated that more than 110 million active mines are scattered in 70 countries" around the world (United Nations, 26).

(Writer’s Support Point): However, the inexpensive cost of landmines is in great contrast with the expensive cost to remove them. Patrick Blagden, [Context for the Quote and Transition Phrase]: a United Nations de-mining expert, writes that de-mining costs "between US $300 and US $1,000 per mine." (Writer’s Support Point) Countries that have suffered a war in their own land encounter many rehabilitation tasks; landmines make these tasks very difficult and also put an extra economic burden on the country.

(Writer’s Support Point): As is the case with the price of de-mining, the healthcare expenses imposed by the landmine injured are very high. Furthermore, most of the time, a war-torn country does not have the healthcare infrastructure necessary to cope with the demands imposed by this kind of injury. For example, (Transition Phrase): the United Nations reports that "the number of units of blood required to operate on patients with mine injuries is between two and six times greater than that needed by other war casualties" (Faulkner, 122). (Writer’s Support Point): These expenses are only for physical injuries and are not taking under consideration any psychological damage. (Quote not needing a Transition Phrase): "Up to 1995, there are at least 250,000 landmine-disabled persons in the world" 1(Faulkner, 124). [Connection between the quote and the support point]: This number gives a clear picture of the magnitude of the healthcare problem confronted by the affected countries.2

1Notice that when the transition phrase has been left out, the author’s last name and the page number of the quote is included in parentheses at the end of the quoted text.

2Notice that student writer uses a series of quotes, some that include context and transition phrases, some without a Transition Phrase, and some that Paraphrase (see below), all designed to provide variety in the writing.

The Paraphrase

A second way to incorporate the findings and research of experts as support in your essay is called a Paraphrase. A Paraphrase summarizes another author in your own words and with your own sentence structure. That’s why another name for a Paraphrase is an “Indirect Quote.” In fact, you must cite a Paraphrase in an essay just as direct quotes need to be cited.

The real trick when paraphrasing an author’s ideas is to avoid crossing the line into plagiarism1. Even if you do not intend to plagiarize, the author’s words and sentence structure can still slip into your paraphrase based on memory of what you read. Make sure, therefore, to compare your paraphrase with the original, and change any sentences and even phrases that are too much like the original2.

1Dr. Charles Darling in his on-line “Guide to Grammar & Writing,” defines plagiarism as “Using someone else's ideas or phrasing and representing those ideas or phrasing as our own, either on purpose or through carelessness, is a serious offense known as plagiarism.”

2Even though a Paraphrase must have your own words and sentence structure, it’s okay to repeat key terms from the original, for example, “the healthcare debate,” “the Iraq War,” or “inflationary spiral.”

Dr. Charles Darling, writing in the on-line Guide to Grammar & Writing, gives a series of paragraphs that move from plagiarism to legitimate paraphrase based on whether the student writer uses his own words as compared with the original author’s words. The paragraphs are instructive because each improves, showing less plagiarism and more paraphrase. The student’s progressive attempts are based on a paragraph from Elaine Tyler May's "Myths and Realities of the American Family."

"Myths and Realities of the American Family"

By Elaine Tyler May

Because women's wages often continue to reflect the fiction that men earn the family wage, single mothers rarely earn enough to support themselves and their children adequately. And because work is still organized around the assumption that mothers stay home with children, even though few mothers can afford to do so, child-care facilities in the United States remain woefully inadequate.

Student Writer’s First Attempt at a Paraphrase

The student writer’s first attempt at a paraphrase (see below) clearly crosses the line into plagiarism. To help identify the plagiarism, we’ve marked the places where the wording in the two paragraphs is the same (blue type) and where the student writer only changed a word or two (green type). It’s plagiarism if you only change a word or two!

Original Paraphrase 1Because women's wages often continue to reflect the fiction that men earn the family wage, single mothers rarely earn enough to support themselves and their children adequately. And because work is still organized around the assumption that mothers stay home with children, even though few mothers can afford to do so, child-care facilities in the United States remain woefully inadequate.

Since women's wages often continue to reflect the mistaken notion that men are the main wage earners in the family, single mothers rarely make enough to support themselves and their children very well. Also, because work is still based on the assumption that mothers stay home with children, facilities for child care remain woefully inadequate in the United States.

Notice that the entire paraphrase (with one exception) is either a direct copy of the original (blue type) or has minor word changes (green type). A little trickier, but just as important, is how the sentence structure is the same in both paragraphs. To make this clear, let’s look at the sentences one at a time.

Sentence 1: Original Sentence 1: Paraphrase*(Because women's wages often continue to reflect the fiction that men earn the family wage), single mothers rarely earn enough to support themselves and their children adequately.

(Since women's wages often continue to reflect the mistaken notion that men are the main wage earners in the family), single mothers rarely make enough to support themselves and their children very well .

*Notice that the first sentence in the original and the paraphrase have the same form (a Subordinate Clause followed by the Main Sentence (see Chapter … on the Subordinate Clause). The only difference is the Subordinate Conjunction that begins the original Sentence 1 (“because”) is changed to (“since”) in the paraphrase. The two Conjunctions have the same meaning!

Sentence 2: Original Sentence 2: Paraphrase*And because work is still organized around the assumption that mothers stay home with children, even though few mothers can afford to do so, child-care facilities in the United States remain woefully inadequate.

8Also, because work is still based on the assumption that mothers stay home with children, facilities for child care remain woefully inadequate in the United States.

Both the original and the paraphrase have exactly the same structure.

*There’s an Introductory Word followed by a Subordinate Clause and Main Sentence. The only change is that the original uses the Introductory Word (“and”), while the paraphrase uses (“also”). The two Introductory Words have the same meaning!

The only significant difference in the first sentence of the original and the paraphrase is the clause, “even though few mothers can afford to do so,” which is in the original author’s writing but not in the student’s paraphrase.

Second Attempt at a Paraphrase

In the second attempt at a Paraphrase, the student writer improves by quoting several of the author’s phrases instead of pretending the words are his own. The direct quotes reduce the extent to which he has plagiarized the author. We’ve marked where the student uses direct quotes in red type (which is not plagiarism); as well as where he continues to copy the original author’s words without quotes in blue type (plagiarism); and where the student writer only changed a word or two in green type (also plagiarism).

Original Paraphrase 2Because women's wages often continue to reflect the fiction that men earn the family wage, single mothers rarely earn enough to support themselves and their children adequately. And because work is still organized around the assumption that mothers stay home with children, even though few mothers can afford to do so, child-care facilities in the United States remain woefully inadequate.

As Elaine Tyler May points out, "women's wages often continue to reflect the fiction that men earn the family wage" (588). Thus many single mothers cannot support themselves and their children adequately. Furthermore, since work is based on the assumption that mothers stay home with children, facilities for day care in this country are still "woefully inadequate." (May 589).

Here’s a sentence-by-sentence analysis of Paraphrase 2:

Sentence 1: Original Sentence 1: ParaphraseBecause women's wages often continue to reflect the fiction

As Elaine Tyler May points out,

that men earn the family wage, single mothers rarely earn enough to support themselves and their children adequately.

*"women's wages often continue to reflect the fiction that men earn the family wage" (588).

Notice that the student writer now uses quote marks* to keep from plagiarizing the original author’s words in the first sentence. However, his quote from the author breaks an important rule: quotes in a paraphrase or summary must play a minor role and not take the responsibility for the writing itself. The concept that “women’s wages reflect the fiction that men earn the family wage” is a central support point and should appear in the student writer’s own words and not the author’s.

Sentence 2: Original Sentence 2: ParaphraseAnd (because work is still organized around the assumption that mothers stay home with children), even though few mothers can afford to do so, child-care facilities in the United States remain woefully inadequate.

Furthermore, (since work is based on the assumption that mothers stay home with children), facilities for day care in this country are still "woefully inadequate." (May 589).

Once again the student writer uses much of the same wording and sentence structure as the original author. He has an Introductory Word followed by a Subordinate Clause and Main Sentence. The only change is that the original uses “and” as the Introductory Word and the paraphrase use “furthermore.” The two Introductory Words have the same meaning.

On the other hand, the short quote in the paraphrase "woefully inadequate" works well. It’s using the author’s phrase, so needs to be quoted, but the words enhance the meaning of the paraphrase, not take the primary responsibility for that meaning. This is exactly the type of short quote that’s okay to use in a Paraphrase!

Third Attempt at a Paraphrase

In the third attempt at a Paraphrase, the student strikes a good balance of restating the author’s ideas without plagiarizing his words. Let’s see how he did it.

Original Paraphrase 3Because women's wages often continue to reflect the fiction that men earn the family wage, single mothers rarely earn enough to support themselves and their children adequately. And because work is still organized around the assumption that mothers stay home with children, even though few mothers can afford to do so, child-care facilities in the United States remain woefully inadequate.

By and large, our economy still operates on the mistaken notion that men are the main breadwinners in the family. Thus, women continue to earn lower wages than men. This means, in effect, that many single mothers cannot earn a decent living. Furthermore, adequate day care is not available in the United States because of the mistaken assumption that mothers remain at home with their children.

Here’s a sentence-by-sentence analysis of the student’s Paraphrase 3, which does not plagiarize the original author:

Sentence 1: Original Sentence 1: ParaphraseBecause women's wages often continue to reflect the fiction that men earn the family wage, single mothers rarely earn enough to support themselves and their children adequately.

By and large, our economy still operates on the mistaken notion that men are the main breadwinners in the family.13 Thus, women continue to earn lower wages than men. This means, in effect, that many single mothers cannot earn a decent living.

Notice how the student writer has changed both the wording and the sentence structure from the original. Instead of a Subordinate Conjunction “because”,

he uses Introductory Words “by and large.” Then instead of a Subordinate clause and Main Clause, he uses three separate sentences in his paraphrase. Moreover, instead of copying the author’s words, the student writer uses his own words. For example, “the fiction” is changed to “mistaken notion”); “men earn the family wage” is changed to “men are the main breadwinners in the family”; and “single mothers rarely earn enough to support themselves and their children adequately” is changed to “many single mothers cannot earn a decent living.” These are the type of changes you make when paraphrasing by using different words and different sentence structures.

Sentence 2: Original Sentence 2: ParaphraseAnd because work is still organized around the assumption that mothers stay home with children, even though few mothers can afford to do so, child-care facilities in the United States remain woefully inadequate.

Furthermore, adequate day care is not available in the United States because of the mistaken assumption that mothers remain at home with their children.

In Sentence 2 of the Paraphrase, the student writer changes “because work is still organized around the assumption that mothers stay home with children, even though few mothers can afford to do so, child-care facilities in the United States remain woefully inadequate” to “adequate day care is not available in the United States because of the mistaken assumption that mothers remain at home with their children.” Again, these are excellent changes making for an effective and legitimate Paraphrase.

The only weakness in Paraphrase 3 is that important ideas that come from the original author are not explicitly attributed to the author. Paraphrase 4 solves this problem:

Fourth Attempt at a Paraphrase

Original Paraphrase 4Because women's wages often continue to reflect the fiction that men earn the family wage, single mothers rarely earn enough to support themselves and their children adequately. And because work is still organized around the assumption that mothers stay home with children, even though few mothers can afford to do so, child-care facilities in the United States remain woefully inadequate.

Women today still earn less than men — so much less that many single mothers and their children live near or below the poverty line. Elaine Tyler May argues that this situation stems in part from "the fiction that men earn the family wage" (588). May further suggests that the American workplace still operates on the assumption that mothers with children stay home to care for them.

Notice how the student writer’s fourth attempt has all the strengths of his third attempt, but now he also credits the original author’s ideas with phrases like “Elaine Tyler May argues” and “May further suggests.” Now the transformation from plagiarism to an effective paraphrase is complete.

Paraphrasing Data and Statistics

You can also use paraphrasing to provide support through data and statistics. Here’s an example from a student essay presented in the Purdue University On-line Writing Lab (The OWL):

(Topic Sentence for Support Paragraph): One of the biggest changes, as seen in nineteenth century America’s census reports, is the dramatic increase in population. The 1820 census reported (Paraphrase of the data): that over 10 million people were living in America; of those 10 million, over 2 million were engaged in agriculture. Ten years prior to that, the 1810 census reported over 7 million people were living in the states; there was no category for people engaged in agriculture. (Connection between the paraphrase and the support point): In this ten-year time span,

then, agriculture experienced significant improvements and changes that enhanced its importance in American life.

Practice 1.1 Read the paragraph below by James D. Lester and a faulty paraphrase. Mark in Green type the sentences, phrases, or words in the paraphrase that are too much like the original (if you’re not using a computer, underline the wording that is too much like the original).

James D. Lester’s Original Text:Students frequently overuse direct quotation in taking notes, and as a result they overuse quotations in the final [research] paper. Probably only about 10% of your final manuscript should appear as directly quoted matter. Therefore, you should strive to limit the amount of exact transcribing of source materials while taking notes. Lester, James D. Writing Research Papers. 2nd ed. (1976): 46-47.

Student Paraphrase: Students often use too many direct quotations when they take notes, resulting in too many of them in the final research paper. In fact, probably only about 10% of the final copy should consist of directly quoted material. So it is important to limit the amount of source material copied while taking notes. Paraphrase taken from “Writing Research Papers”The Owl at Purdue Universityhttp://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/619/01/

Practice 1.2 Here’s another example of a faulty paraphrase of an original work. Mark in Green type the sentences, phrases, or words in the paraphrase that are too much like the original (if you’re not using a computer, underline the wording that is too much like the original).

Original: Critical care nurses function in a hierarchy of roles. In this open heart surgery unit, the nurse manager hires and fires the nursing personnel. The nurse manager does not directly care for patients but follows the progress of unusual or long-term patients. On each shift a nurse assumes the role of resource nurse. This person oversees the hour-by-hour functioning of the unit as a whole, such as considering expected admissions and discharges of patients, ascertaining that beds are available for patients in the operating room, and covering sick calls. Resource nurses also take a patient assignment. They are the most experienced of all the staff nurses. The nurse clinician has a separate job description and provides for quality of care by orienting new staff, developing unit policies, and providing direct support where needed, such as assisting in emergency situations. The clinical nurse specialist in this unit is mostly involved with formal teaching in orienting new staff. The nurse manager, nurse clinician, and clinical nurse specialist are the designated experts. They do not take patient assignments (Chase, 1995, p. 156).

Student Paraphrase:Critical care nurses have a hierarchy of roles. The nurse manager hires and fires nurses. She/he does not directly care for patients but does follow unusual or long-term cases. On each shift a resource nurse attends to the functioning of the unit as a whole, such as making sure beds are available in the operating room, and also has a patient assignment. The nurse clinician orients new staff, develops policies, and provides support where needed. The clinical nurse specialist also orients new staff, mostly by formal teaching. The nurse manager, nurse clinician, and clinical nurse specialist, as the designated experts, do not take patient assignments. Paraphrase taken from “Critical Care Nurses” The Writing Center – University of Wisconsinhttp://writing.wisc.edu/Handbook/QPA_paraphrase.html

When assigned to paraphrase another author’s writing, follow these steps to avoid plagiarism:

1. Read the passage through carefully.2. Reread the passage with the goal of identifying the Topic Sentence and

the main Support Points of the passage. The two together make for an Informal Outline of the passage.

3. Using your notes, especially your Informal Outline, write the first draft of your Paraphrase. To avoid copying the author’s writing, even

unintentionally, avoid looking at the original essay while you are writing.

4. Compare your draft with the main points of the passage. It’s as if you are quoting the passage in your own words.

5. Review your draft in comparison with the original text to make sure your Paraphrase has not used the words, phrases, or sentence structure of the original. Where you find your wording or sentence structure to be too much like the original, change the wording or sentence structure, so you are no longer unintentionally plagiarizing instead of paraphrasing.

6. In your final editing, as is true of every essay you write, carefully review your writing for style, spelling, and grammar (see Grammar, Spelling, and Punctuation Checklist and Chapter 11 on Style).

Practice 2 Write a one paragraph paraphrase for each of the following passages. In writing your paraphrase, use the steps listed above.

Passage 1:

The twenties were the years when drinking was against the law, and the law was a bad joke because everyone knew of a local bar where liquor could be had. They were the years when organized crime ruled the cities, and the police seemed powerless to do anything against it. Classical music was forgotten while jazz spread throughout the land, and men like Bix Beiderbecke, Louis Armstrong, and Count Basie became the heroes of the young. The flapper was born in the twenties, and with her bobbed hair and short skirts, she symbolized, perhaps more than anyone or anything else, America's break with the past.

Kathleen Yancey, English 102 Supplemental Guide (1998): 25.

Federal agents in the 1920s dump a keg of illegal booze into the sewer!http://www.u4prez.com/Blogs/erock/Images/2009_05_28_10_52_39.jpg

Your Paraphrase:

Passage 2:

Of the more than 1000 bicycling deaths each year, three-fourths are caused by head injuries. Half of those killed are school-age children. One study concluded that wearing a bike helmet can reduce the risk of head injury by 85 percent. In an accident, a bike helmet absorbs the shock and cushions the head.

"Bike Helmets: Unused Lifesavers," Consumer Reports (May 1990): 348.

Bicyclists in Central Park, New York City (wearing helmets!)http://www.centralpark.com/pages/sports/bike.jpg

Your Paraphrase:

Passage 3

While the Sears Tower is arguably the greatest achievement in skyscraper engineering so far, it's unlikely that architects and engineers have abandoned the quest for the world's tallest building. The question is: Just how high can a building go? Structural engineer William LeMessurier has designed a skyscraper nearly one-half mile high, twice as tall as the Sears Tower. And architect Robert Sobel claims that existing technology could produce a 500-story building.

Ron Bachman, "Reaching for the Sky." Dial (May 1990): 15.

The Sears Tower, downtown Chicagohttp://www.lensimpressions.net/index.php?showimage=521

Your Paraphrase:

Here’s an example of a student essay that includes both examples, quotes, and paraphrases to provide support for the student’s Thesis Statement:

Jeff MussenENG 090Persuasive Essay4/26/10

Informal Outline:Thesis Statement: Our country needs focused and lengthy rehabilitation in hope that people will get the message to stop drinking when driving.Support 1: Cost to society.Support 2: Innocent people are exposed to danger and life threatening situations.Support 3: Drinking and driving leads to accidents and fatalities.

Stiffer Penalties for Drunk Drivers

1Unfortunately drinking and driving is a serious problem that our country allows to continue. Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD), a victims advocacy group reports that “Over 1.46 million drivers were arrested in 2006 for driving under the influence of alcohol or narcotics. This is an arrest rate of 1 for every 139 licensed drivers in the United States.” MADD’s data also shows that “A first time drunk driving offender on average has driven drunk 87 times prior to being arrested.” Even more shocking, “Fifty to 75 percent of drunk drivers whose licenses are suspended continue to drive.” 2D runk driving has serious costs to our society, innocent victims, and to

1IntroductionContext for the Quote including presentation of data and Transition Phrase leading into the Quote

2Thesis Statement for the essay

drivers themselves.

3The cost of this disorder is enormous throughout the country. 4MADD reports the findings from several research studies that 5“Alcohol-related crashes in the United States cost the public an estimated $114.3 billion in 2000, including $51.1 billion in monetary costs and an estimated $63.2 billion in quality of life losses. People other than the drinking driver paid $71.6 billion of the alcohol-related crash bill, which is 63 percent of the total cost of these crashes.” 6Also, there is an excess amount of law enforcement on the streets and highways that could be put to better use. 7John Roberts, Chief of Police for the Albuquerque Police Department, told the Albuquerque Journal that “…with the high costs of policing the roads for drunk drivers, we lose enforcement for property and violent crimes in our city.” 8Insurance companies have to pay an insurmountable amount of money due to drunk drivers causing accidents. These added insurance costs are not only passed on to drunk drivers; the costs are passed on to all of us.

In addition, 8innocent people are exposed to danger and life threatening situations due to drunk drivers. 4It was about 7:00 PM on a summer evening when a friend of mine who drank heavily got behind the wheel

3Topic Sentence first Support Paragraph4Transition Phrase leading into the Quote5Specific Support with quote and presentation of data

6Second Support point on Cost of Drunk Driving7Transition Phrase and Context leading into the Quote

8Third Support point on Cost of Drunk Driving

3Topic Sentence second Support Paragraph4Specific Support with Example

intoxicated. His car crossed the double yellow line hitting an oncoming car head on. The two innocent passengers were severely injured and my friend as well. One of the passengers was a child and was disabled due to this accident. This accident will affect an entire family for the rest of their lives. My friend got six months in jail, a few fines, and paid a small restitution. This penalty was not sufficient for the trauma and damaged that he caused.

3Finally, drunk drivers might think they are invulnerable, but statistics show that driving while intoxicated leads to serious injury and death to the driver. 4The website About.Com reports that 5drivers who drink and drive are significantly more likely to be involved in a “fatal motor vehicle crash” than drivers who do not drink. Those with a blood alcohol concentration (BAC) of 0.10 or greater run a seven times greater risk of a fatal accident, and those with a BAC of .15 or greater run a 25 times greater risk! 9With rising societal costs, and serious injury and fatalities to both drunk drivers and innocent victims, our country needs to address the drinking and driving problem more seriously. 10Before drinking, I hope that individuals will give their car keys to a sober friend. Will you?

3Topic Sentence third Support Paragraph

4Transition Phrase leading into the Quote 5followed by Paraphrase of Data for Support

9Conclusion that restates Thesis in different words

10Takes the readers a step further