L E A P C O N F R O N T I N G C O N F L I C T

REFLECT,CONNECT& DIRECT

Registered Charity: England and Wales 1072376 & Scotland

SC041152 | Registered company no: 3628271

JUNE 2020

A self-development pack of 15worksheets for the lockdown period.This reflection pack offers a guidedexploration of your thoughts andfeelings, providing tools to strengthenyour relationships and to think throughyour next steps.

INTRODUCTIONLeap is an organisation based in North London, with programmes across the UK.

For over 30 years, Leap has used different mediums to explore conflict and how we

can manage it in a way that works for us and others. Leap has provided group work

and training in the secure estate for over 20 years, including mediation, leadership

and conflict management programmes.

With the outbreak of Covid-19, we have been unable to continue our

work within prisons. We are aware of the extra stress and restrictions

that you are all facing, so we wanted to do something to say that you

are in our thoughts. We hope that you get some enjoyment, as well as

new thoughts, ideas and tools from these activity worksheets.

We suggest that you work through the

pack from beginning to end, but if you

prefer you can select individual exercises

to work on

You will need a pen or pencil, and some

colouring pens/pencils if you have them

Some activities have questions, and you

can find the answer upside down at the

bottom of the page.

There is space for your notes and

sketches at the end.

How to use these worksheets:

THOUGHTS

FEELINGS

HABITS

GOALS

SKILLS

1

"Stand up straight andrealise who you are,that you tower overyour circumstances" Maya Angelou

At Leap, we use quotes a lot. They are great for providing inspiration, setting goals,

and more. What does the following quote mean for you? Have a think about this,

and colour in the quote if you like.

QUOTESThoughts

2

At the moment, many of you may be finding daily activities very restricted, with

natural emotions coming up such as boredom, maybe fear, anxiety, irritability and

anger. At the same time, maybe you feel more peaceful with less social time. You

can use the Feelings Wheel below to identify how you feel, and even how many

feelings you may experience in one day/hour.

Activity: Draw the relevant emoji/facial expression next to the emotions that you

identify with on the feelings wheel below. E.g.

FEELINGS WHEELO

riginally developed by Dr G

loria Willcox

Feelings

3

Question: With the feelings you identify, do you feel them in your body? If so, where?You may wish to label these on the image of a person in the Notes space on page 17.

When did you decide what today is going to be like? What feelings did you wake upwith, and how do they change throughout the day? What would it be like to decide in the morning that you are going to achieve somethingthat day? Do you ever do this?

If you found this useful, you could try and do this activity over a week. You can usethe Notes space at the back of this pack. Try to notice where/when your feelings

change in the day, and think about what influences them.

Reflection: Do you think you can choose or control how you feel? Who has thepower over your feelings?

EMOTIONAL STATES

Activity: Try capturing your emotions for a day in the grid below. Think abouthow and why the emotions change:

Morning Afternoon Evening

Feelings

4

CONFLICT

What is conflict? (ORANGE)What does conflict look/sound like? (BLUE)

What are some of the feelings in conflict? (GREEN)What are the causes of conflict? (BLACK)

WORD STORM:CONFLICT

What happens before a feeling?* _______

We believe conflict is something that all of us experience - it is inevitable. Peopleoften see conflict as something negative, but actually sometimes it can be positive.What makes the difference is how you manage it.

Activity: Fill in the speechbubbles below with wordsyou associate with conflict.Use the questions in thebox to the right as prompts.

*ANSWER: ThoughtFeelings

5

QUALITIES AND SKILLSA lot of skills and qualities help us to manage conflict. Sometimes, these skills andqualities are naturally part of us. Others, we can learn or develop. Resilience is one ofmany qualities that is useful when looking at conflict. Resilience is the strength of spirit to recover from adversity We believe that resilient people have in common 3 strategies to manage theirthoughts:

1. They get that s***t happens, thatsuffering is part of every human experience.It is about acceptance, of what we are incontrol of and what we are not. 2. They are really good at choosing wherethey focus their attention, i.e. on the positivenot negative (using self control). 3. They ask themselves “is what I’m doinghelping me or harming me?" This is about selflove and self care.

No matter what your circumstancesare, what can you find to be grateful

for?

What things can you accept arebeyond your control? What is in

your control?

What can you do to look afteryourself this week?

Strategy Action

Reflection: Are any of these strategies familiar to you? Do you ever do the opposite, and not look after yourself, even when you know whatis good for you? Is this a habit? What would you need to do to change that? Do you think the strategies above might be helpful for you? If so, how would you goabout developing them in your life? What would happen if you tried it and it didn’t work?* ____________________________

*ANSWER: Try again – practice makes perfectSkills

6

VIRTUE CARDS (1)There are many other qualities and skills, which we will call 'virtues', that we mayhave in us, or that we can develop:

Accountability Reliability

Integrity

Courage

Self-discipline

Tolerance

The willingness to standin responsibility for

every choice.

Being dependable, soothers can rely on us to

be responsible.

Having the self controlto do only what wetruly choose to do.

Standing up for whatwe believe is right.

Living by our deepestvalues and ideals.

Accepting differences,without expecting

others to think/look/actjust like you.

Embracing life fully,without holding back.Courage transforms

fear into determination.

These were adapted from

the Virtue Cards developed by V

irtues Project InternationalSkills

7

Reflection: Which of these virtues do you practice in your daily life? What are your top 3virtues from this page? And which ones do you want to develop?

VIRTUE CARDS (2)There are many other qualities and skills, which we will call 'virtues', that we mayhave in us, or that we can develop:

FlexibIility Hope

Resilience

Wisdom

Endurance

Fortitude

The ability to adapt andchange amid the

fluctuatingcircumstances of life.

Looking to the futurewith trust and faith.

Optimism in the face ofadversity.

Our ability to withstandadversity and hardship,practising persevernce.

The strength of spirit torecover from adversity

or disappointment.

Strength of character,and the will to endure

with courage, no matterwhat happens.

The guardian of ourchoices, it helps us to

choose the right path atthe right moment.

SkillsThese w

ere adapted from the V

irtue Cards developed by Virtues Project International

8

Reflection: Which of these virtues do you practice in your daily life? What are your top 3virtues from this page? And which ones do you want to develop?

Reliability: Others can depend on meIntegrity: I live by my idealsTolerance: I am free of prejudiceCourage: I reach beyond my comfort zoneFlexibility: I adapt when change is called forHope: I maintain a positive attitudeEndurance: I find the strength to live through adversityResilience: When trouble comes, I stay strongFortitude: I have the will to survive

Here are some ways in which you can apply the qualities from the virtue cards:

Reflection: Thinking about the qualities or skills you have decided you would liketo develop, what steps can you take to practice each one?

WORDSEARCHActivity: Find 9 words from the virtue cards we have just looked at. The words appear

left to right and right to left in all directions - horizontally, vertically or diagonally.Then, see some examples of how you can work towards each of them below.

Skills

9

We have already discussed how Leap uses quotes and how important they are to inspire us.We understand that our thoughts are created by our beliefs and values, and equally that ourbeliefs and values are created by our thoughts. Activity: Now, imagine that you were given the gift of a tattoo of any size or price (and if youdon’t like tattoos, imagine you do for a minute!) What will your quote be? Design your chosen tattoo in the space at the bottom of the page.

It has to be a quote of your own or someone else’sIt has to say something about who you are, your values or beliefsIt has to be permanent - you cannot get it removed, so it will be seen by you and othersfor the rest of your life.

The conditions:

Examples:

'You must be the change you wish to see in the world’ -

Mahatma Gandhi

‘God give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know

the difference’ - Serenity Prayer

‘I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to bereduced by it’ – Maya Angelou

TATTOO EXERCISE

If you don’t have aquote you

remember or like,then you can make

one up!

My Tattoo

Thoughts

10Reflection: What is it about your chosen quote/design that inspires you?

Time to get deep: How much control do you have over your thoughts? Do they come before or after a feeling? Does the thought or feeling drive youraction? Reflect on the quote again. Who do you want to be? How can you change yourthoughts to create the person you want to be?

"Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become youractions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they becomeyour character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny" - Lao Tzu

THOUGHTS

By the way, DON’T THINK OF A BOILED EGG...we will come back and explain this later 😊

Our mind is powerful.The quote talks abouthow thoughts becomewords, but how quickly

can we catch ourthoughts before they

become a word?

Thoughts

11

One evening, an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battlethat goes on inside people. He said, “My son, the battle isbetween two wolves inside us all. One is Unhealthy. It is anger, envy , jealousy, sorrow, regret,greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies,false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Healthy. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity,humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth,compassion and faith.” The grandson thought about it for a minute and then askedhis grandfather, “Which wolf wins?” The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.” Author unknown

THE TWO WOLVESSkills

Reflection: What does this story mean to you? How could it be useful to you?

12

(UNWRITTEN) RULESDo you like rules? Most people like them, but they might not call them rules. Can you think of any agreements, rules or codes that you live by? We call them“unwritten rules." Think of some unwritten rules that exist in your life - these maybe different in the prison than the unwritten rules outside of prison.

Who do you think they belong to? Have they ever belonged to anyone else?

Do others have unwritten rules that may be different to yours?

Do you think you may have broken anyone else's unwritten rule - on purpose orby accident?

What happens when someone breaks your unwritten rule - on purpose or byaccident?

When someone breaks your unwritten rule, do you have a reaction or aresponse? The next exercise should help you decide.

Reflection: Think about what these unwritten rules do for you, and where theycome from.

Thoughts

Inside prison rules Outside prison rules

13

1) Which gives you more power and control?2) When is it useful to use a reaction?3) When is it useful to use a response?

REACT VS RESPOND

"If you always dowhat you have

always done, youwill always

get what youhave always got"

Skills

There are different ways of behaving in a conflict situation. A reaction is somethingthat happens in the moment, while a response is usually more considered. Try tothink about the differences between reacting and responding in the grid below.*

React Respond

Reaction Response

Action Action

Habitual thought New thought

No time Take time

*ANSWER: React: No thought; no control.Respond: Thought, control. 14

By the way, what happened on page 11 when we asked you notto think of a boiled egg? If, as many people do, you instantly imagined a boiled egg, whatis the reason that happened?*

It is possible to re-frame our thoughts to help us achieve our goals. This applies to general goalsin life, but also in conflict situations. Let's look at an example: If you said 'I’m not going to eat cake anymore', usually that will put the idea of cake in your head,just like the boiled egg. Instead, try thinking about what you ARE trying to achieve, i.e. what’s the reason you want tostop eating cake? Think of something you can do (ideally something that you enjoy doing) toachieve that goal. So, if your goal is to be healthy or lose weight, for example, the steps that you could take wouldbe to start going to the gym, start running, or eat healthy snacks.

Now let's look at making decisions: Activity: Write down one decision you will make right now. Think of what you are tryingto achieve and why, and then think of steps you can take (that you enjoy doing) to helpachieve that goal. When you've done this, read your answers aloud to yourself every dayas a reminder. 1) What am I trying to achieve? 2) Why do I want to achieve this? 3) What steps can I take to achieve this? Tip: It might be helpful to think about how you will see yourself, and also how others will see you, once you haveachieved this goal.

REFRAMING THOUGHTSSkills

*Answer: It’s not the word 'don’t’ or ‘I’m not going to’ that has the power, butthe idea itself.

15

How can I achieve my goals?

The next step is all about making decisions. A decision is a commitment to yourself to

make a positive change.

Below, you can identify your main goal that you would like to work towards. Then,

next to it, there is space to write down the different steps you are going take to reach

your goal.

You don’t have to know exactly how to achieve your goal yet, as long as you have the

determination to keep going, and the steps you take are  SMART - Specific,

Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time Bound.

Now you’ve almost completed the journey. We have looked at thoughts and actions,

and the power of changing your thinking and your actions. Now, we are going to look

at setting goals.

 

GOAL SETTINGGoals

My #1 goal is: Steps towards my goal:

1.

2.

3.

16

YOUR NOTES

17

YOUR NOTES

18

THANK YOU

To learn more about Leap's work, our website is leapcc.org.uk

You can also contact us on 020 7561 3700, or at info@leapcc.org.uk

In this reflection pack, we have looked at some of the different waysin which we experience conflict - through our thoughts, feelings andhabits - as well as working through different ways of managingconflict by exploring react vs respond, unwritten rules, and reframingthoughts. We hope you have found these tools useful and that this space forreflection has been valuable during this time. Our hope is that thisresource, and the learning you have taken from the exercises, willsupport you in connecting with yourself and your emotions, and thatit will help you to direct the next steps you choose to take.

Registered Charity: England and Wales 1072376 & Scotland SC041152 |Registered Company no: 3628271

With thanks to Ali Gibbs and Wendy Rowley