Types of Conflict

Blow-up-sudden eruption Civil-calm & rational Déjà vu-predictable/repeated pattern Indirect-not explicitly discussed Mock Sarcastic sniping-hostile sarcasm Silent treatment-two or more

encounters

Power’s Close Ties with Conflict: Defining Characteristics

Power: Always present-symmetrical &

complementary Can be used ethically & unethically Is granted Influences most conflicts

Power Currencies: Possess or Control Some Resource

Resource Currency: material-$, property, food

Expertise Currency: special skills/knowledge

Social Network Currency: links with family, friends, acquaintances

Personal Currency: physical beauty, intelligence, charm, Comm skills, funny

Intimacy Currency: unique bond

How do you approach conflict?

Avoiding Keep issues to myself Usually avoid open

discussion of my differences w/ others

Try to stay away from topics of disagree.

Keep disagreements to myself to avoid hard feelings

Try to avoid unpleasant exchanges

Accommodating Generally try to

satisfy others’ needs Usually accommodate

others’ wishes Give in to others’

desires Often go w/ others’

suggestions Try to satisfy others’

expectations

Conflict approaches cont.

Competing Use my influence to get

my ideas accepted Use my authority to

make decisions go in my favor

Pursue my side of an issue

Sometimes use my power to win

Use my expertise to make sure decisions go my way

Collaborating Investigate issues to find

solutions acceptable to both Integrate my ideas w/ those

of others to come up w/ decision jointly

Work w/others to find solutions that satisfy both our expectations

Exchange info w/ others so we can solve problems together

Bring all our concerns out in the open so issues can be resolved

Conflict in Relational Systems

Complementary conflict style-different, mutually reinforcing behavior

Symmetrical conflict style-both people use the same tactics.

Parallel conflict style-shifts complementary & symmetrical patterns from one issue to another

5 Conflict-Handling Modes

Compete Collaborate

Compromise

Avoid Accommodate

Ass

ert

iven

es

s

Cooperativeness

Ass

ert

iveness

Nonass

ert

ive

CooperativeUncooperative

COMMUNICATION PATTERNS IN CONFLICT

UNPRODUCTIVE-Early • Disconfirming climate• Poor listening• Evident, negative nonverbal• Cross-complaining• Assuming, Discounting, Mind-reading

Unproductive cont.

Middle Negative climate cont. to spiral Kitchen-sinking Interruptions Derailing-rerouting Cross-complaining & cutting other off

Unproductive cont.

Later Self-preoccupation Counterproposals-competing Self-summarizing Egocentric communication Metacommunication Promotes dogmatism, rigid thinking,

etc

Negative Spiral

EgocentrismPoor listeningDisconfirmationDefensivenessDogmatismHostile mind readingKitchen-sinkingSelf-summarizing…..

Constructive Conflict

Early Climate sets the tone-recognizing &

acknowledging Sensitivity Use of “I” language Openness Use of questioning

Constructive cont.

Middle Agenda building-focusing Bracketing for side issues Ongoing respect demonstrated Perception checking Clarifying Acknowledge ideas, feelings, concerns

Constructive cont.

Later Collaborative resolution Contracting-negotiating & acceptance

Short-Term Conflict Resolutions

Separation Domination Compromise Integrative agreements Structural improvements

Long-Term Conflict Resolutions

Collaboration

Unsolvable Conflicts

You & the other Are not willing to change Have goals that are irreconcilable &

strongly held Uncooperative Chronically defensive Violent

Grace

Let go of anger, blame, judgments Given with no strings Not always appropriate May be a measurement of how a

relationship progresses