----~ -~---·-.,-~-~

TI-IE

E·TRIE WEEKLY

"The real heart of a university is freedom to express and to crticize." - George W. Starcher, university president

Volume XXXII, Number 24

Election Cont;roversy Already

JAMIE SMITH Retriever Weekly Staff Writer

The SGA election season has only just begun and already candi­dates are at odds.

At stake in this argument is whether some political hopefuls will get their names included on the ballot - generally an easier way to be elected than as write-in can­didates. A possible outcome of the controversy is the elimination of all but one presidential ticket from the list.

At the candidates' meeting last Wednesday, which is mandatory for thpse who want their names on the ballot, several students showed up late. When the same thing hap­pened in 1996, the tardy candidates were forced to run as write-ins.

This time, the Election Board, which runs the event, decided to be more lenient and let the latecom­ers remain on the ba11ot.

President William Barnes, who is running for reelection, did not agree with the ruling. Saying the decision was a violation of the SGA's Election Policy - which

SEE ELECTION, PAGE 4

1000 Hilltop Circle, Baltimore, MD 21250 April 7, 1998

ave en etnever ee y ta Traffic at Hilltop Road and Willsens Avenue increases as students leave campus for the day.

New Traffic Design to Ease Drivers' Woes

TRACY SOLTESZ Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff

The Maryland State Highway Administration (MSHA) hopes to clear up traffic congestion and con­fusion for UMBC students and lo­cal residents by constructing a new roundabout just outside campus.

The roundabout, a smaller ver­sion of a regular traffic circle, will be constructed at the intersection of Hilltop Road and Wilkens Avenue. Community Liaison for the MSHA Linda Singer said that thisarea was

chosen because of its increase in congestion during mid-day and peak traffic hours that has led to a rising accident rate in the area.

Construction for the roundabout will begin in mid-May and, weather permitting, will be completed sometime in the fall of this year.

Although Hilltop Road will be closed for some period of time dur­ing construction of the circle, Wilkens Avenue will remain open to local traffic throughout the en­tire project.

SEE TRAFFIC, PAGE 3 ,

Left: A student votes at last year's SGA elections. Candidates who arrived late for last week's meeting may be eliminated from election ballots and forced to run for office as

Reported Sexual Assault Investigated Campus in Midst of Writing New Policy Regarding Those Crimes

JAMIE SMITH Retriever Weekly Staff Writer

UMBC police are investigating allegations of a sexual assault in a campus apartment over spring break, the first reported crime of this nature during the school year.

The incident comes as adminis­trators are reworking the campus policy for dealing with sex crimes, a months-long effort that is de­signed to make UMBC's resources more victim-friendly.

No charges have yet been filed in connection with the alleged March 26 assault, and campus po­lice Chief David Yohman would release little information about the incident or even whether it would be termed rape. He declined to say how many suspects officers have but said the occurrence was not de­scribed as a gang rape and "was not a violent situation."

"We're in the middle of the in­vestigation," he said. "You have a victim and you have an accused, and both of them fully have rights. Until we've completed the investi­gation, there's not.much we can say about it. ... We have 1aboratory re­sults, and there's some other things we need to do."

Charles Fey, vice president for Student Affairs, said "all the play­ers involved" had been drinking.

"Alcohol played a serious role," he said.

The alleged crime was preceded by a series of highly-publicized at­tacks at College Park - one as­sault, one sexual assault and one rape during March - that have left women fearing for their safety.

Meanwhile, at Towson Univer­sity, which is closer in size to UMBC, there have been no re­ported rapes so far this year, none last year and one in 1996. That was an acquaintance situation involving alcohol, according to Corporal David Stallard of the Towson cam­pus police.

"Those factors are usually in­volved in the majority of rape situ­ations in just about every college or university campus," he said.

Reported rapes at UMBC are comparable to Towson's numbers.

. In 1996, the most recent statistic, police received one report of a rape, and in 1995, no reports. There were four in 1994.

"We've had few incidents .of sexual assault at UMBC, thank­fully," said Yohman, who attributes

SEE ASSAULT, PAGE 3

Phi Beta Kappa Installed ELAINE R. ELGAMIL Retriever Weekly Staff Writer

As UMBC strives to become rec­ognized as a technology based uni­versity, the installation of a Phi Beta Kappa charter professes the university's active role in liberal arts education. In a ceremony on March 16, Vice President of the Phi Beta Kappa Society, Joseph Gordon entrusted the charter to UMBC's

sixty faculty and staff members, who were granted membershi__p in their undergraduate days.

During the ceremony, honorary Foundation Memberships were granted to provost Jo Ann Argersinger, professor ~f biologi­cal sciences Robert Burchard, Di­rector of the Center for the Humani­ties Daphne Harrison, president Freeman Hrabowski, UMBC's first

SEE CEREMONY, PAGE 4

PAGE2 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY -NEWS April 7, 1998 ,

Relationship-Building Goal o~ International Program

The Killing of the Mascot At the University of Illinois, support is

growing to eliminate Chief Illiniwek, the colle_ge's mascot. The student senate re­cently approved a resolution with a ma­jority vote declaring its intentions to re­tire what it calls an offensive symbol that demeans Native Americans.

__ ,., / fhe resolution further supports the

PAT FURGURSON Retriever Weekly Staff Writer

UMBC faculty, alumni, and the office of International Student Services are "building a rich international image" on campus ac­cording to UMBC president Freeman Hrabowski.

"Students, and their parents, are increas­ingly aware that being exposed to other cul­tures is a part of a good education," said Arlene Wergin, director oflnternatl.onal Edu­c a ti on Services. Even if they do no~ go abroad, exposing domestic students to· other cultures and languages will help them real­ize the impact of the new gJobal realities they will face upon graduation. . · proclamation drafted by members of the

university's anthropology and history de­partments, who said that the mascot has become more of an embarrassment than of symbol pride.

And while the campus has a reputation for attracting a racially and culturally diverse community, there are many growirig oppor­tunities for resident students and faculty to trnvel and study abroad. Several members of the UMBC faculty even serve as consult-

. File Photo

"The time has come to reconsider an issue that has been sitting on the table for a long time," said Dari Littlefield, a his­tory professor. "The issues need to be aired publically."

University President Free~an Hrabowski ·speaks with Taiwan officials during

Although university trustees acknowl­edge that efforts to kick the mascot off campus have intensified, they believe there is still more support for keeping him ·around.

"He embodies the fighting spirit of the Illini and is a wonderful symbol of our athletic teams," said Trustee Judity Reese.

John Lynn, a history profesor who avoided his department's recent vote on the issue, agrees. Lynn believes that the university could actually use the mascot 'to teach students more about Native American culture. Trustees will soon meet, ·and discussion regarding Chie( Illiniwek is not on their agenda.

-Doc In the Box In December, Marcel Marceau will be·

awarded the Honorary Doctor of Humane Letters degree at Ohio State University's winter commencement ceremony.

Marceau is internationally accredited as a mime and movement artist. His most famous character, Bip, is known for his striped pullover and opera hat.

his travels abroad. ·

an!s to other countries. UNAM, w}Jich boasts a total of 300,000 stu-"For ipstance, in econol)lics, [professor] dents with about "'80,000 at its main campus.

Alan Sorkin does work in health related eco- · He described the highlight of his trip as nieet­nomics in Asia," said Hrabowski. "We pro- · ing with UMBC students currently attending duce educational films in Spanish-and French the school wlio are majoring in languages, for use overseas [and] International affairs biology and interdisciplinary studies. experts in our history department provide ex- Hrabowski has already traveled across the pertise." globe, primarily in Asia. He has represented

Hrabowski explains that the main goal of American education during the Young Tri­the UMBC's international focus and outreach lateral Exchange, 'Yhich aimed to bring is to "build international relationships with a people from Germany, Japan and the US to­variety of universities ~round the world in gether so they could share and learn from order to provide students and faculty more each other the common problems faced jn opportunities for study,-to travel and learn of education, the environment, business, poli-other cultures." • tics and the media.

This "relationship building" effort has "What I learned is that we human beings brought UMBC exchange agreements with have so very much in common across cul­universities in Japan, Hong Kong's Univef- tural lines," said Hrabowski. Whether it be sity of Science and Technology, the Phudan our families, our children, our jobs_:_ or what . University 'in Shanghai, and the National it means to be forty-something," said University of Mexico (uNAM), according to '~abowski.

· Hrabowski. · · T International experiences are available for "We have students in England, Holland and . students oh campus as well. For example,

Paris, where twins Ryan and Brian Turner are UMBC has recently hosted the official Japa­- doing scientific research, in French, I might nese Delegation to the Model United N atio~s,

add," he said. . the-Oxford Debate Team (competing against Hrabowski himself just returned from a trip UMBC's Debate Team this Thursday) and the ·

to Mexico City. There he signed an agree- Ambassador of Switzerland, who attended ment for faculty and student exchange with the opening of a Swiss Graphic Design ex-

hibit in the Library Gallery. '"UMBC - U Must Be Chinese' that's a

joke I hear in Montgomery County when I speak to students there," said Hrabowski, re­ferring to common perGeptions of UMBC. "I tell them this place looks like the Plaza of Nations at the UN when classes change."

The majority of international students at UMBC are from Asia. However, according to Wergin, they do not have it as easy as some American students may think. Wergin said that these students must stay in school full time while paying out-of-state tuition during their undergraduate· years without financial aid. Helping those students get along is part ofWergin's job and the mission for the Inter­national Educations Services.

"Think of a crisis you might have as an American student," said Wergin. "Those things are magnified for the international stu­dent. They do not have families nearby to fall backun, "They can't go home to do laundry either."

Both Hrabowski and Wergin hope that more students will get involved in the future and take advantage of the UM.BC's interna­tional connections. Said Hrabowski, the in­ternational mix is a view-"of what the world will be."

·"I am very thankful that the university recognizes what he has brought the world · and this art form," s~id Jeanine Thomp­son, assistant professor and movement specialist in the university's theater depart­ment. Thompson was once a student of Marceau's and has been a demonstrator in his seminars for more than ten years. She has been teaching his work since

I.-. ::B:ri_e:f

1990. . "It has been an extraordinary and chal­

lenging journey with him," shesaid. "His technique is based on the essence of thought and emotion."

Overnight Hosts Needed Would you like to be an overnight host to

· a prospective student this semester? The Of­fice of Undergraduate Admissions is look­ing for students who live in the residence halls

,, to provide space in their room for two over-night programs this month. ~ · · ·

The Campus Overnight Program, on April 3-4 is especially for African-American stu-

,.. place Friday, April 1 ~ from iUO a.m. to 4:30 p.m. in the UC Ballroom.

The event will feature artists from many disciplines who will speak on the creative act

. and interact with the audience as well. For further information, please call Terry

A_ylsworth · at x6798 or e-mail her at d/Jfflrriso@umbc.edu.

dents who have been admitted to UMBC for Multiethnic Job Fair Drug Free Zones At Work the Fall of 98. The Multiethnic Job Fair will take place

School officials discovered a small The other event, called New Student Day Wednesday, ·April 8, 12 p.m. to 3:30 p.m. at group of marijuana plants growing in . a Overnight will be held ApriM 7-18 is for out- the UC Ballr9om. flower bed on the campus of California· . of-state students who have been. admitted to All students are welcome and encouraged State University at Northridge. UMBC for the Fall of 98. ~ "to attend the annual event. Employers from

Donovan _R. Tucker, grounds supervi- Both evenings feature fun activities in in- the private, public and non-profit sectors will sor, flushed about a dozen three-inch seed- formal settings for prospective students to ex- be on-hand to discuss full-time career oppor-lings down the toilet. "Who knows how perience UMBC college life . on a personal tunities. ./ :· they got there?" he said. level. · This event will be held simultaneously with

The plants were found. by grounds .For more information, please contact the Career Day for Students With Disabilities, workers who were weeding a bed of pan- Office of Undergraduate Admissions, specifi- which will also be held in the UC Ballroom. sies. The laborers reported the flora to cally Dwayne Mondrey at x3740 or Jennifer ~ ·Students-should bring several copies of school officials and police. . Dotzenrod at x2278. their re);mme and dress professionally.

School officials said that someone The Career Deyelopment and. Placement walking by could have planted the seeds Symposion on Creative Act· Center homepage at http://www.umbc.edu/ by 9.£9,P~Jq,g,th~:l)\q,n,_ tP.¥ gr~\lIJc!· ~,..., .~~ >£ .i · ~ -.. •·~, Asymposium.on.the.Creative~ctw.ilLtake. .. .alp has a list of participating employers. ·

• :i10•;;-il~t:•.ll-., .... ,.., . ~ :~ . t:~ .*'.}. • , ~. ~·, t ~ ~ :~:+~£*~ il«~~, r><~ .

For more information, call the center at x2216.

Want To Get Out of Debt? The on-campus Aluµmi ·Chapter and the

University Center are co-sponsoring a work­shop on debt mapagement in the 1990s.

The event, which aims to teach students important tips on money management, "'._ill be held April 13 between 1 p.m. and 2 p.m. in UC 314. " -

Jason Braspennickx• of Primamerica will be speaking ahd refreshments will be served.

For more information contact Maty Jo ·Stricker in the UniversityCenter at x3455.

Parking Fee Increase puring the spring break the meters on Lot

#10 were converted to reflect an increase in rates. The new rate of a $1 per hour -- or 15 minut~s per quarter -- became_ effective March 30.

The meters will still only accept quarters. A change machine may be installed on the ·deck to make it easier for visitors to use the devices, - - . ,~ .

·-~.~. J - .-.~ ... ....._ ...

THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY NEWS April 7, 1998

CAMPUS POLITICS~

Yet More Fluctuation in the .. Senate JAMIE SMITH

Retriever Weekly Staff Writer

In the latest round; of changes in the ever-morphing senate body, three leg­islators were expelled for missing man­datory meetings and two resigned -bringing the total of forced·and willing retirements this school year to 14.

That number, which already far out­strips the one expulsion and handful of resignations in the 19?.6-'97 school year, shows a fluctuation ill the senate body that disappoints senate leaders.

"It's certainly not a situation I'd like to see us in," said Senate Speaker Stephen Letschin. "You want a dedi­cated group .... But there's.certainly a solid core of people who have been there."

He added that the majority of the new senators brought in through in-house elections - which are held during the year for senators to fill empty positions - have been "extremely good." In the most recent in-house elections, six stu­dents were voted into office, bringing

the number of senate vacancies down to two. But the senate has had to hold in-house

elections at every meeting this semester ex­cept the first to stem thetide of outgoing sena­tors.

And in the most unusual case of forced retirement, a stud~nt brought into the senate by the in-house method was almost immedi­ately kicked out.

Tshaka Scott, given his position at an in­house election on March 2, was promptly expelled at the next senate meeting for fail­. ing to attend it. Newly elected senators can-not miss their first and second meetings, said Derrick Longo, assist:ant speaker of the sen­ate.

Scott had notified senators that he would be out of state during the March 16 meeting, said Longo, who added that the trip wasn't a valid excuse. (The rules for missing the first two meetings are much more strict than for subsequent ones, when an exain or job con­flict will do.)

"Unless the guy's in traction, coughing· up a lung, we have to go by the rules that are set," said Longo.

Scott could not be reached for comment.

Also expelled at the March meeting were Yehia Hassanein and Sadiqq Abdullah, who each missed three sen­ate meetings - a violation of the atten­dance policy. Senator Nekeisha Sweeney, who faced the threat of ex­~ulsion for the same reason, avoided the penalty by giving senate leaders accept­able reasons for her absences, said Sen­ate Speaker Stephen Letschin.

A:o.d in two other reductions of the ranks, senators Vanya- Robinson and Alicia Hobson recently resigned, said Letschin.

Meanwhile, the senate filled six of its empty seats at the last two m~etings, voting in und~rgraduates Tina Dudley, Eric Kane, Mohammad Khattak, Kristen Locatelli, Bianca Oden and Bethann Ritter.

Next Senate Meeting The next m~ting will be 7:30 p.m.

on Monday, April 13 in Lecture Hall V, time subject to change. For more infor­mation, call x2220 or stop by UC 205, the SGA office.

Assault Policy to Off er Victims More Resources FROM ASSAULT, PAGE 1

the low numbers to police education pro­grams throughout the semester and during new student orientation.

"I think our incidents, even in comparison to other uniyersities in the area, is really low," he said.

But officials concede that the number of reports and number of rapes may not be the same.

"To be fair, I think anybody on any cam­pus would say there are probably others that don't go reported," said Fey. "While the vic­tim may tell friends or faculty members, they don' t [always] come to us."

In response to a University System of Maryland requirement for clear guidelines in dealing with sex crimes, Fey started the Sexual Assault Response Policy committee last October to outline who will do what -

from educational programs to victim assis­tance. Fey said the guidelines should be in place by next semester. .

Committee chairman Reginald Nettles, di­rector of the Counseling Center and Student Health Services, said that among changes stu­dents can expect to see are events, brochures and orientation messages about avoiding sexual assault and d~aling with the aftermath.

When people on campus currently report being victims of sexual assault, they are taken to Mercy Hospital, given informational bro­chures and put in touch with staff members who will be their advocates, said Yohman, the police chief.

But in the past, some women on campus have expressed dissatisfaction with the non­centralized avenues of help for victims -noting that they might need the resources offered by the campus police, Women's Cen-

ter, Judicial Board, Counseling Center and Student Health Services.

Wendy Stevenson, _chair of the Sexual As­sault subcommittee of the President's Com­mission for Women -;- which has been look­ing intb the possibiljty of creating a UMBC sexual assault cent~r - said in an interview last year: "If a woman is assaulted, there is no specific process or place on campus that she can go to. . . . There is no collaboration between departmeqts."

The policy won'tchange the campus' lack of a sexual assault ~ente.r:, said Nettles. But he believes the guidelines will lead to more departmental cooperation.

"In a sense, the campus has been doing [what the guidelines say]," he said. "I think -the biggest change that you'll see is there will be more of it and there will be a coordinated effort."

Students Question Necessity of Traffic Circle FROM TRAFFIC, PAGE 1

"As with any construction built while keep­ing traffic moving, there will be impacts," said Singer. However, accorcling to Singer, the construction that will take place when students return to UMBC for the fall semes­ter, such as re-paving the road, will cause only minimal traffic delays.

Before reaching their final decision to con­struct the roundabout, the MSHA also con­sidered installing a traffic signal at the loca­tion. Although in many situations, a signal is far less expensive and a less obtrusive alter­native, Singer said that is not case for this particular project.

"A signal in this location would require building a left turn lane," said Singer. Be­sides increasing the cost of construction, Singer said, the widening of the road for the signal would require purchasing a large amount of private property from the home owners in the area.

A roundabout, on the other hand, only re­quires an additional acre and a quarter of pri::-

vate land which Singer said will mostly come reported accidents between 1993 and J 996 from UMBC. were ,right angle accidents.

"The circle will be slightly askew from the Roundabouts can also help to slow down center of the [current] intersection," she says. traffic and allow drivers a transition from This places the bulk of the roundabout on do- what Singer calls "urban to suburban driv-nated UMBC property. ing conditions."

Although the new roundabout may at fust Even with the promise of improved driv-be difficult for drivers to navigate, the MSHA ing conditions, the_. roundabout, which will hopes it will eventually produce what Singer cost an estimated $480,000 to complete, has calls a "constant flow" of traffic on Wilkens not been warmly welcomed by students. Avenue. "I don't think it's necessary," said Houman

"When a vehicle comes to a roundabout Rasouli, a 24-year-old senior majoring in [the driver] is looking for a gap in traffic. [The math. "Traffic [in the area] seems okay and I driver] will concentrate on their left, ease intp have never noticed any major accidents the gap and ~irculate around the circle," said there." Singer. This driving ease helps to prevent the However, the MSHA believes residents "artificial stopping condition" that a signal will be happy with the future results the ~r four way stop can create. roundabout will bring.

According to Singer, such artificial stops "Roundabouts have been widely used in cause what is called a right angle collision Europe with significant decreases in the oc­that can occur when an aggressive driver tries currence of severe accidents," said Singer. to "beat the signal" or stop sign and disobeys "Those who live closest [to the area] know traffic laws. the need to address [traffic] problems. The

. .. The MSI-\Ar,elate~ that 82.per<;ent Qf_alUce. .., .roundabout really .has a lot ofpositiYes. to it.:~ .

PAGE3

Gotta Have It Among the exhibits at the Impulse to

Collect show at San Jose State Univer­sity in February were Chris Daubert's · ~chromatic extrusions rodenta" (rats' dropping following their ingestion of some of his oil paints), Maryly Snow's collection of 696 toothbrushes and Bob Rasmussen's collection of items contain­ing red X's .

Among the exhibits rejected were a huge mass ora.ryer lint, an assortment of cat snot on slides, and a 15-year collec­tion of umbilical cords. Said organizer Theta Belcher, on what makes a real col­lector: "They take it that one step too far."

Talk to the Hand . Taiwanese pilgrims Pi Feng Chiang

and Hon-Ming Chen moved their God's Salvation Church from los Angeles to Garland, Tex., in December based on a heavenly revelation (actually, a skywritten ad for the latest James Bond movie). Garland was chosen because it sounded like "God land" to the pilgrims, who speak halting English.

Hon Ming then took a crew to Lake Michigan to scout the location for the predicted March 31 arrival of God's spacecraft, the loading dock for which will be at the Lake Street Beach in Gary, Indiana.

Hon-Ming periodically stares at his hand in public because, he said, that is how he converses with God.

This Little Piggy Dutchman Peter Konings, 38, who had

already been scheduled for deportation from England, was convicted in London in January of six counts as a serial but­tocks fondler.

All incidents involved Konings ' stick­ing his toe through a gap in the seat in front of him on the No. 21 Nottingham­Stapleford bus route and annoying the females sitting there. .~ -

Just Helping Out Martin Moreno, 33, was arrested in

Ponoma, Calif. in September and charged with stealing from clotheslines as much _,, as a half-ton of women's shorts, skirts and underwear that he thought were too re­vealing for women to wear on the street.

And in Hong Kong in November, self­proclaimed "knight of God" Syed Atta Mul_iammad, 32, was committed to a psy­chiatric center after he assaulted a 22-year-o ld tour guide whose breasts he thought were too big to serve God.

PAGE4 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY NEWS April 7, 1998

Candidates Could be Kicked Off SGA Election Ballot FROM ELECTION, PAGE 1

states that .candidates must' attend the meet­ing "in its entirety'' - Barnes filed an ap.: peal with the Judicial Board, the campus equivalent of the Supreme Court

"I hope that the Judicial Board will see in my favor that it is in direct violation of the Election Policy and thereby not allow the people who were late to the meeting to be registered candidates," he said. " ... It's a law and we have to abide by [it]."

Election Board Chairwoman Kristi Pullen declined to comment on the appeal until it is heard by the Judicial Board but released a statement defending the board's decision.

"'We went along with the SGAconstitution preamble, stating that the role of the SGA was

. ,/.r to encourage students' involvement in the po­litical process," board members wrote. "With that in mind, we kept with the spirit of the elections and allowed everyone to run on the ballot."

In the statement, members added that all candidates were present for "all of the infor­mation relevant to the elections."

Pullen said the board would release a list of candidates and say for the record wfio was

late after the appeal is heard. Christopher Tkacik, advisor to the Judicial

- Board, said it would likely hear Barnes' ap­peal this week.

'Decrease in Competition'? According to one team running for the top

SGA spots, if the Election Board's decision is overturned, Barnes and his running mate would be the only presidential ticket on the ballot.

"This apparent decrease in competition, in spite of obvious facts to the contrary, is likely to adversely affect both student turnout for the elections while undermining the concept of an informed an!:1 educated electorate," said presidential candidate Stephen Letschin and running mate Jennifer Searfoss in a joint statement. "We therefore hope that the Judi- -cial Board will support the autonomy ofJhe Election Board, respect their decision, and allow the Election Board's initial ruling to stand."

Searfoss, who arrived after the candidates ' meeting began, said she was there in time for the roll call. Both members of a presidential ticket must be present at the meeting for their

UMBC Awarded Prestigious Honor Society on Third Try

FROM CEREMONY, PAGE 1 chancellor Albin Kuhn, philanthropists Mr. and Mrs. Robert Meyerhoff, chair of Mod­ern Languages and Linguistics Angela Moorjani and former dean Richard Neville. Each individual has pursued and contributed to liberal education, the UMBC campus and in turn to the installation of Phi Beta Kappa on this campus.

UMBC was amongst seven US institutions, . including St: Mary's College, that were of­fered chartership this year. Only 255, roughly seven percent of schools, in the country cur­rently have chartership.

"The significance of the Phi Beta ·Kappa chapter is that it says to the nation that we are very strong in the liberal arts and that we

. care about the liberal arts," said Hrabowski. The application and review cycle that oc­

curs when installing a chapter sp~ms almost four years and involves large amounts of pa­perwork, a university tour and a strong will­ingness from the faculty and staff to support the new chapter. This was UMBC's third at­tempt to secure a Phi Beta Kappa chapter. The school was turned down in the 1979 and 1982 tri-annual review cycles.

Dr. Jay Freyman, director of the Honors College as well as the president of the Eta Chapter of Phi Beta Kappa at UMBC, said that each department contributed to the pro::.. cess.

"It entailed gathering immense information in immense detail," he said.

Phi Beta Kappa, the nation's first Greek letter and honors society was founded in 1776 at the College of William and Mary. The so­ciety emphasizes friendship, morality and learning.

Gordon attributed "strong leadership in the president and provost that support faculty in the Honors College and liberal arts" as a key factor in determining the approval of the

UMBC charter even though UMBC empha­sizes technology and is one of the youngest institutions offered a charter.

"They favor private schools and old-estab­lished institutions. For a public, younger in­stitution to be granted a charter is extremely rare and a singular honor" said John Kloetzel, professor of biology.

Many of UMBC's current students are in­terested in the criteria for membership for this prestigious society. The committee on membership in course\ will select students eligible for membership this spring.

Freyman explained t;flat the society is for the individuals who, in pursuit of a liberal ec!ucation, use "your ability to think and your ability to articulate that thought."

The faculty and staff who befong to Phi Beta Kappa are proud 9f their undergraduate achievements - just ask to see their key, a

· gold charm with their name, school and year of induction.

"It is a fraternity,'~ said p.sychology Pro­fessor Charles · Catani~ "They pick you out on the basis of intelledtual kinds of things."

Qualifications incfude a 3.5 minimum grade point average, nfuety credits in a broad · range cifliberhl arts arJd scien£~S (not to in­clude pre-professional or pre-vocational studiesand courses such as engineering, busi­ness and educatio!l), thirty-six of which must be fulfilled at UMBC. The eligible student must be enrolled full-time the semester thlt they are being considered and shoul.d have demonstrated tp.e pursuit of study in math­ematics and languages. No more than ten percent of the eligible pool can be offered membership. '"' ..

Since the criteria areitewly established, the · committee may adjust or clarify the stan­dards.

"You do this, you go to college ... to perfect yourself as a human 5eing,'' Freyman said.

names to be on the ballot. The controversy has candidates for the sen­

ate taking different sides. Derrick Longo, the current assistant speaker of the senate and a

. senatorial candidate, said he hoped the Elec­tion Board's decision would be upheld.

"I would really like to see everyone play­ing by the rules - considering the circum-~stances, I most likely would have filed a simi­lar apperu ifl were Billy," he said." ... [But] E-Board was well within the rules depend­ing on how you define 'entirety of the meet­ing,' which isn't clearly defined. For example, is the entirety of the meeting from the time it is announced to start 'til the time it is an­nounced to end, or ... from roll call to roll . call?"

Linda Chow, one of Longo's colleagues in the senate, takes the opposing viewpoint.

"I'm 100 percent behind Billy with his appeal," said Chow, a senatorial candidate. "I don't think Billy was politically motivated. ... I don't think they [the latecomers] be­long on the ballot. It's not fair to the rest of us who showed up on time."

Although notices advertising the meeting didn ' t state the strict attendance requirement,

Barnes said a sign in the Student Activi-. ties office says students are responsible for knowing the rules. The Election Policy is on the SGA's home page, sta.umbc.edul -sga.

According to Barnes, five or six students were late to the candidates' meeting, some by just a few minutes and some approxi­mately a quarter of an hour. Searfoss said three candidates were tardy.

A .Write-In Candidate Objects Barnes said one of the reasons he decided

to file the appeal is because Josh Pressel, a current senator, couldn't make the begin­ning of the meeting due to an exam but did not try to come in late. Pressel will be run­ning as a write-in.

"I don't feel slighted that I'm running as a write-in candidate, but that other candi­dates were givei:i the chance to run with­out following the Election Policy," said Pressel. " ... I don't think the Election · Board was _quite aware of what the Elec­tion Policy said. They can't really be blamed, but that doesn't change the fact that it was a bad decision."

"THE POWER OF

aACE UNITY•• '"' VIDEO

~WED. APRILS ~UC31Z

~7:30PM· -

~DISCUSSION WILL FOLLow · ~ALLARE WELCOME!!

SPONSORED BY THE BAHA'I STUDENT ASSOCIATION

The UMBC Community is invited to a

Holy Week service

on Wednesday, 8 April 1998, at J:OOp.m. inM/P 102. The ser­vice will include a reading of the John passion, celebration of Holy Communion, and the Good Friday bidding prayer.

Sponsored by Lutheran Campus Ministry.

New Moms With 4-Mont~, Olds or Younger

Communication Development Project at UMBC seeking mothers and infants for a study of early mother-infant communication. If you are now pregnant or have a new baby and wish to participate, please call

Dr. Feldstein at 410 455 2363

-- __ ...... -. ________________ __...,...- -

THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY NEWS April 7, 1998 PAGES

Record of Information March 14, 11 :50 a.m.-Apolice officer encountered a non-student sleeping on the third floor of CherrVPhysics build­ing. After investigating his background, he was advised of Maryland trespass law and escorted from the campus.

Record Of Information March 21, 9:29 a.m. - The victim~ a non-student, reported via telephone to Sgt. Howe that while jogging on cam­pus, an unidentified white male motor­ist stopped his vehicle in the intersec­tion of Hilltop Circle at Hilltop Road and offered her a ride. When she refused, the motorist sped away from the intersec­tion, immediately leaving the camp1:1s property.

The victim reported to a police officer she felt the suspect entered UMBC's property, cruising for someone to pick up. The suspect was not located. Pre­cinct# 1 was notified via telephone. Pre­cinct #1 reported there are no look outs for a vehicle or suspect of the same de­scription.

Trespass I Drug Violation March 21, 12:44 p.m. - A police of­ficer responded to a call for reported 911

hang-up calls from two different coin oper­ated public telephones in two different aca­demic buildings and located and identified three juvenile suspects. The juveniles are all non-students.

An officer conducted investigation with these juveniles and one of the three juveniles reported that he had previously been involved in making 911 hang-up calls inAnneArundel County, Maryland. None had lawful business on campus and all three were taken into cus­tody for trespass. Search prior to transport revealed that one juvenile possessed a para­phernalia device containing traces of sus­pected marijuana. Another juvenile pos­sessed Class "C" pyrotechnics (firecrackers) without a required permit.

All were processed at the UMBC Police Department and were subsequently released to their respective parents without charges. All three denied making the 911 hang-up call. All admitted to having entered the Fine Arts and the Commuter Cafeteria Buildings, which are posted as to trespass.

Burglary March 23, 1:49 p.m. - An employee of Metamorphix, Inc. reported from South Campus about an unforced entry into a locked office and theft of $137. Investiga­tion is continuing.

THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY INVITES YOU TO ATIEND AN ADVANCE SCREENING

Stop by The Retriever Weekly Funfest Wednesday April. 8, 1998 .

for your complimentary tickets.

No purchase ummy. While upplies last. Employees of LIVE Entertainment and The Retrimr Weekly are ineligible.

OPENS FRIDAY, APRIL 17TH!

Alcohol OD I Sexual Offense March 26, 3 a.m. - The incident was ini­tially reported as a sick or injured person from the apartments. A student was carried back to herapartment. She was incoherent and unresponsive due to an alcohol overdose. T~e CD on duty was present. The physician's on-call service was briefed.

The student was transported to St. Agnes Hospital, and the hospital contacted her par­ents. Further investigation by the police re­vealed evidence of non-consensual sexual contact to the victim. Investigation continu­ing.

Theft from Building_ March 27, 2:53_J!.m. -A food services man­ager reported from the Retriever Grill about the theft of a bank deposit bag's contents which contained approximately $310 i.n cur­rency. The money was discovered missing from a damaged deposit bag. The investiga­tion is continuing.

Record of Information March 28, 10 p.m. -A student reported that his parents were in his apartment when his roommate answered a knock at the door. Upon opening the door a woman identified herself as the mother of the young lady al­legedly assaulted. According to the students,

the woman used offensive language and threatened them with bodily harm. Al­though preliminary investigation failed to reveal any violations of law, officers issued all parties' victim/witnesses pam­phlets.

Telepho!'e Misuse . March 29, unknown time - Students residents of Chesapeake Hall, reported that person(s) unknown left threatening messages on their answering machine. Police are investigating the incident.

Theft from Building March 3, 9:20 a.m. -A student worker reported that person(s) unknown, re­moved a Toshiba VCR from the storage room in the Math/Psychology building. They value the VCR at $400. Police are investigating the theft.

Injured Person March 30, 11 :05 p.m. - A student in­jured his right ankle while playing bas­ketball in Gym 1. Upon examining the him, ambulance personnel decided to transport him to St. Agnes Hospital.

The Police Log is a selection of re­cent on-campus incidents.

.· Join IJmliplf Winning Team

·aecome part of "'-. Ph1111ps&mifyJ.~ ·ufWhh ~ m · ~Learn the· ~busiriess frOm the mon ·iuc::UI seafood/restaurant dain"tn ~,~·

Faml1y cMned· - oP_er39*1 for '<Wet:«> ~One Of ....... _ ' ' 'ossll ' ......_.__ In the . . v..QJip~ • . restaurana.uwna .. . -~.1

'·

. . . . . . .

,_lllriUjpirW Phillips Harborplace • Inner ~ • Light Snet Pa¥lion

Phillips Seafood GrilJ • Lower. Level White Marih Mall EOE

. {

.--

' .

PAGE6

OPINION TI-IE

ETRIEVER WEEKLY

Editor-in-Chief Bethany Nikfar

Opinion Editor Emily Bernstein

<ienerall\1anager Raymond Dubicki

Going Around in Circles

The editors of The Retriever Weekly would like to acknowledge the articulate students who visited the Retriever office to voice their concerns with our April Fools ' issue, The Deceiver Weekly . We thank you for reading the paper and we appreciate that these concerns have been brought to our attention.

For April Fools' Day, we present a light, comical issue which addresses aU of its topics with humor. Nothing published in The Deceiver Weekly was meant to harm, insult, demean or otherwise offend anyone. The Deceiver Weekly does not pretend to be a serious publica­tion, and to take it in earnest belies its intent.

The Retriever Weekly is a serious publication. We exist to provide UM.BC students, faculty and staff with relevant campus and area news and also with a forum in which to express their views - please note that views criticizing The Retriever Weekly or any mate­rial published therein are not excluded from this forum. We welcome letters to the editor, and print them verbatim (unless the content is libelous). By writing them, yon communicate your opinions not only to the editors of this publication, but also to the entire campus com­munity. With such letters, you share your dissenting opinion, which, after all, is part of the open dialogue that benefits us all.

Literally Going Around in Circles

We at The Retriever Weekly are disturbed by the news that there has been a decision to create a traffic circle at the intersection of Hilltop Road and WtlkensAvenue .. As usual, those in charge have decided upon the most ridiculous, expensive way to solve a problem.

For those of you who don't know what a traffic circle is - some of us didn't know either- we'll try to explain. The dictionary states that a traffic circle is ''a circular one,. way road at a junction of thoroughfares, facilitating an uninterrupted flow of traffic."

The use of the word uninterrupted is somewhat misleading. Traffic circles require merg­ing, which at peak hours can be dangerous (especially in such a confined space). Thus the flow of traffic is not truly uninterrupted. In general, the construction of a traffic circle pre­sents some very real concerns.

First of all, the campus will need to take land from local residents in order to construct the circle. These residents are already working on a petition to protest this action .. Why take land away from people who don't want to give it up? The addition of a simple light at the intersection of Hilltop and Wilkens would solve the problem with less cost and in a time­efficient manner.

Plus, we all know that there are drivers on this campus who can't handle stop signs. No, that's not the administration's problem, but why create a traffic situation which will most likely cause more confusion and more accidents? A traffic circle herds stude-nts. like sheep, and trust us when we say this: There are quite a few stiidents on tlHs campus W'ho react violently to the idea of being herded.

Basically, these people just want to go. If they don't see a stop sign and they don't see a red light, they assume that the right of way is theirs, and if it isn't, they'll take it from someone else. This type of reckless behavior - made easier through the construction of a traffic circle - will undoubtedly cause accidents.

In addition, we all know what happens when the school decides it needs to construct something: We are forced to walk or drive miles out of our way to get to meetings or a class.

Like most things, the "traffic circle is viewed by the administration as something that will beautify the campus. But most of us didn't come to this school for aesthetic reasons. 1'le majority of the student body chose UMBC because it was the practical option - whether economically or geographically.

So, let's be practical. A traffic circle at the intersection ofWtlkens is a waste of time and money, and will inconvenience students during and after its construction. The only solution that makes sense is the installation of a traffic light.

We have a suggestion to make this light as convenient and helpful as possible. During off-peak hours - say, between 9 p.m. and 6 a.m. on weekdays and all times during the weekend - the light could blink yeflow on Wilkens and blink red on Hilltop. puring peak hours, which covers most of the daytime on weekdays - including rush hour,. the most dangerous time to have to brave that intersection - it could function as a normal traffic light. This would allow easy passage through the intersection, be it crowded or not.

Face it, far too many people have managed to get driver's licenses without understand­ing the concepts of stop signs, right-of-way and merging. What we can be reasonably ~ure they all know is that red means stop and green means go. Let's make the intersection as safe and easy to navigate in the most cost-effective way possible. A traffic light will achieve this end - a trafftc circle will not.

John Mischke ......... : ... .. .... Managing Editor Tracy Soltesz ........................... News Editor Karan Lee ....................... Asst. News Editor Brigitta Kral ............................ Focus Editor Jen Siciliano ........................ Features Editor Christina Sabato ..... .... Asst. Features Editor Chris Kerner ................ ........... Sports Editor Agnes Osinski ............... Asst. Sports Editor Dave Chen ................... Photography Editor Matthew Gannon ........... Asst. Photo. Editor Heath Balcer ................ Advertising Manager Nicole Butter ................ Advertising Manager Susan Graham .................. Business Manager Kim Brossard .......... .. .... Production Manager Jamie Peck ................... Production Assistant Jamie Smith ................. Production Assistant Leah Bonistalli ............. Production Assistant Carl Gehrman ............... Production Assistant Deb VanDereedt ........... Production Assistant Casey Reilly ............... Circulation Manager Tony Fitzwater ............. Operations Manager Jackie Vreatt ........................ Copy Assistant Christopher Corbett ........... Faculty Adviser

April 7, 1998

Retriever Weekly staff editorials reflect the views of the editorial board; signed col­umns represent tp.e opinions of the individual writers and do n6t necessarily reflect those of The Retriever Weekly or the University of Maryland Baltimore County.

Letters to the editors are printed verba­tim, although the editors reserve the right to edit any letter deemed lengthy, repetitive, li­belous or otherwise in need of revision. The editors further reserve the right not to print any letter for any reason. Letters to the Edi­tor must be typed or written legibly and in­clude the author's name and telephone num­ber. The author's name may be withheld upon request. Letters must be received by 12 p.m. on Thursday and may not exceed 400 words.

The Retriever Weekly subscribes to the College Press Service and publishes weekly on Tuesdays during the regular school year. Editors can be reached at 455-1260 during normal business hours or at University Cen­ter 214, 1000 Hilltop Circle, UMBC, Balti­more, MD 21250 . The Retriever Weekly is an equal opportunity employer.

-. ---·- ..... -- ---------- ---- - -----

THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY OPINION April 7, 1998 PAGE7 .!;

~~

Trials and Tribulations of a Pseudo-International Student Dave Chen

The year: 1977. The place: The United States of America. The event: I - Dave Chen, photography editor extraordinaire -was born. I lived in the Uni~~d States for a while, then moved to Taiwan, then moved back to the United States.

In Taiwan, life was not exactly like it is ' here. To give some idea of some of the promi­nent features of life in Taiwan, I have de­scribed some of the difficulties below.

Bugs. They' re everywhere you go, an­nouncing their presence w,ith an irritating buzz, especially while you' i:e asleep. They also come in all sizes, shapes, colors and de­grees of annoyance. It is not uncommon to find three-inch flying cockroaches in tqe · kitchen while raiding the fridge (both you and the unwelcome guest), encounter spiders the size of a CD fully equipped with warp speed (don't bother ~rying to squash them with your cheap foam slipper), or return from a trip in the woods with 100 mosquito bites on only one arm (for some reason they're picky). It's not too bad if you are used to it or wish to become a professional exterminator; al ­though, I don't seem to recall any extermi­nators in Taiwan.

Fruit. Easily accessible (from neighbors or the markets), widely varied in selections (you want pineapple pears or litchi, you got 'em) and generally good to eat. But beware of the fruit drinks, as they are not exactly like what we have here. Drinks such as papaya milk. passion fruit soda and banana-water­melon-mango tea are commonplace - well, maybe not that last one. All sorts of new and unusual hybrid drinks come out every day, and for every one, without fail , some freak will buy it. But not me, I'll take my Fanta any day over something that sounds like a

Fu Manchu potion, thank you very much. Traffic. You gotta love the way people

in Taiwan drive the wrong way down one­way streets, honk repeatedly even though nobody signals anyway, and just don't be­lieve that the road is three lanes, not five. If you have a scooter- c'mon, you gotta have one to contribute to the cloak of pollution that hides Taiwan from any missile attack- then good luck getting home in one piece. The owners of the road ate the four-wheelers, not some punk putt-putting along without a hel­met. But if you're good, you can avoid these

symbols are transcendent in their own way and express-mor.e meaning separately than as a whole, but to me it's just amusing.

Last of all, ·the food. If it moves, looks edible m is just sitting there, then chances are it's on a market shelf somewhere waiting to be bought. No, Taiwanese people aren't barbarians who catch and eat st:fay dogs -well, not anymore at least - but think of them as very resourceful people with wild im:ginations and firm beliefs that anything goes with ancient herbal recipes. For the most part, anything you try for the first time can

"Pop quiz: What are you when you are an Asian born in Maryland, raise~ in Texas and Ta.iwan, and are finally back in Maryland attending a state university? The answer is: liJio the hell cares as long as you look Asian and are-most recently from - . Taiwan'?"

maniacs and the police as you weave in and out of traffic while trying to light a cigarette with your mother clinging on to you. Trust me, it can be don,e.

· Clothing.No other place in the world can have so many hideous fashions and actually be proud of it. A puce-colored summer suit just wouldn't look right on a foreigner, but it's the coolest thing to wear if your slippers mate~ everything you own. And the deco­rated clothing is even worse. I've seen a New York Bulls T-shirt (they do exist}, imitation GAP wear' (called NET), cartoon figure pic­tures of a trouserless boy with an elephant head for a penis, and random nonsense in the form of ABCs and numbers on all sorts of fashionable apparel. Just what the hell is "PROTIN! 5 EST. 1942" anyway? I'm sure that in the Chinese culture foreign signs and

bring you back again and again because it tastes really good. But heed my words when I encourage you to stay~away from any kind of black, oily soups made from rooster legs.

Yes, Taiwan is very different from what you may be used to, but that does not make me any different. Nonetheless, here I am, an American citizen in my home country, being treated as a foreigner.

Pop quiz, hot:Shots: What are you when you are an Asian born in Maryland, raised in , Texas and Taiwan, and are . finally back in Maryland attending a state university? The answer is.: Who the hell cares as long as you look Asian and are most recently from Tai­wan?

Sadly, a lot of people don't understand that a person can be bcim in America yet not be Caucasian, and that 'person still will be an

American. This is why I've heard, "Where are you really from?", "What about your country?" and "Then you're Taiwanese, right?" These remarks do not offend me, but they do prove just how hard it is to get it through the thick skulls of so many people that they aren't the only Americans who live here.

Someone once said to me over the phone, "Your last name is Chen? But you have a dis­tinctly Caucasian voice."

Great, I sound like y'all but my name and appearances just cause too much confu­sion for soc~ety. Don't get me wrong here, I think most Americans are cool - but I am one too, dammit.

And the problem is not just with people I meet on the street. UMBC seems not to understand my status, either. I'm an Ameri­can citizen, I paid taxes last year, I have had permanent residency in Maryland for the past three years, and I cannot be claimed on my parents ' tax claims. That in mind, am I sup­posed to pay in-state or out-of-state tuition?

Just what exactly counts as an in-state student? If I meet all of the above criteria, then I should be able to stop paying twice as much as Bob from Baltimore does. I know I'm definitely going to be here for another year or two and it's partially my own fault , but I shouldn't be forced to pay out-of-state tuition to boot.

If I can't be recognized by my .fellow Americans, fine. But if the system still sees me as a UFO -- Unidentifiable,_Foreign and Out-of-state -- then mayoe aliens should come down and assimilate the entire human race, so that way we're all the same and in­distinguishable from each other until one of us is breakfast ·and the other is dessert.

Dave Chen is a self-proclaimed ''fourth-year student" and is majoring in photography.

PAOE 8 THE RETR/f:VER WE.EKL~ OPINl.0.tt "Apri' 7,)998 1 .~ " • • "-~ :! ; ·. . .. - ·, · '.r, ? \~ • ~ ~ ".:..r,.,., it f• · ·:rr. ··· · :- ..

To GO Abroad Or Not~o Go AbI90ad;that Is the Question Emily Bernstein

Some people dream about getting out of school - I dream about getting out of the country. Shockingly enough, this desire is not motivated by my having committed some sort of felony or insulted a big mafia boss.

I want to go to Australia. I am positively fascinated with the place. Ever since I saw Facts of Life Down Under when I was 10, I have wanted to see the Sydney Opera House and Ayer's Rock and the Outback. When I started working at the National Aquarium in Baltimore, I decid~d my greatest wish was to scuba dive at the Great Barrier Reef of the western coast of the continent. Soon, I had read enough about it that I wanted to visit Canberra, Melbourne, Perth and the Gold Coast as well. I was even starting to plan moving there as soon as it became feasible .

I considered doing an exchange program in high school because I was sick of every­thing surrounding me and I thought a change of scenery might do me some good. Then I came to the realization that I'd hate high school just as much as I already did no mat­ter what country I was in, so I'd probably just end up more miserable, and far away from home to boot.

When I started college, I was rejuve­nated. I found myself actually enjoying school, and I decided I wanted to enhance the experience by taking a semester of classes in Australia at either Macquarie University or the University of Sydney. I did all the re­search, checked out all the programs and fig­ured out exactly when the best time to go would be.

That time has come and gone, and I'm not entirely sure why I haven't gone yet. I'm not really scared, as I'd be going to a place where I'd be able to understand pretty much everyone. Plus, I'm a decidedly adventurous person -so I'm certainly willing to take the risks involved in staying in a strange place for six months, including the risk of possibly

being thoroughly disappointed in · the coun- cooperates with in' exch~ge programs. Ac­try I've adored for so long. cording to the undergraduate catalog, UMBC

One of the reasons I'.m still here in currently participates in exchanges with America rather than gallivanting all over the DeMontfort and Wolverhampton Universities Outback, is money. It costs a lot to go to study - in England, U niversadad Austral de Chile in abroad. I had no idea just how much until I Valdivia, Universidad Autonomo de Mexico started looking into the various programs - and Instituto Lorenzo Medici in Florence, available for college students interested in in- Italy. In addition to that, there is a semester ternational study. The one I . am most im: ' program in Mexico and two summer pro­pressed with, offered by the American Insti- grams, one in Mexico, one in Spain. Clearly, tute for Foreign Study, costs $10,795. Ifl can the variety offered here is immense. arrange my own transportation, I receive a I suppose I could study in England, but deduction of the British ac-$ 650. Of cent just isn't course , nearly as cool imagine any as theAustra-transporta­tion I could arrange -aside from me swim­ming there

would cost consid­erably more than that, so

lian accent. Besides, ide­ally, we could study in nearly any nation with­out having to pay huge amounts of money to do

"Anyone who wants to study inAustralia, Russia, China,,Japan, India or any of a number of other countries is pretty much out of luck if he or she hopes to be substantially aided by UMBC."

the $650 stays. This is not to say the cost of this pro­

gram is exorbitant-it's not. For tuition, fees, room and board, that's really a good deal. But unfortunately for me, and many students like me, it's still nearly impossible to afford.

Sure, AIFS offers scholarships, but only a few, and the ones I'm eligible for are only worth $500 each anyway. Quite frankly, $10,295 doesn't sound much more attainable than $10,775.

This would all be considerably easier if UMBC had a broader range of schools that it

so. Anyone who wants to study in Australia or even Russia, China, Japan, India or any of a number of other countries is pretty much out of luck if he or she hopes to be substan­tially aided by UMBC.

Financial concerns aside, there are a couple of other reasons I have not yet headed off to the former penal colony. Obviously, I'd miss my family, but I think e-mail and a good long distance plan could fix that pretty eas­ily, at least to the point where it wasn't over­whelming. And naturally, it would take a little while to get used to some social differences

and stich things, but that too should be ~ela­tively easy to overcome.

The most pressing re·asons I have for staying are my major obligations. For one, I hold the position of opinion editor of this fine publication. That is not to say I am indispens­able; I have been told numerous times that I am indeed quite dispensable. Still, as often as I may loathe working at The Retriever Weekly, I genuinely like what I do, and in spite of everything, it would be really hard to give it up.

I am also heavily involved in the debate team on campus. I love debating so much that I have had only two weekends off this se­mester, while the rest of my Fridays and Sat­urdays were spent at debate tournaments at various colleges all over the East Coast. How could I drop such a big part of my life so easily? Also, assuming I go to Australia for a semester, I would end up missing as least part of my favorite activity of the year - sum­mer camp. I can't decide between being a counselor at The Center for Mathematics .• Science and Technology and taking what could be the chance of a lifetime.

Maybe if I were really dedicated to go­ing, I would find some way to pay for it, and

_maybe I'd manage to break most of the ties I have here. Maybe everyone else who is put­ting off studying abroad for whatever reason - be it lack of money, obligations at home or just fear of the unknown - will read this and get a renewed zest for traveling to his or her country of choice and gain the determi­nation actually to make it happen this time.

With any luck, I'll be able to convince myself to use that determination as well. Here I am - sick of everything around me just like I was in high school - and it seems like the perfect time to take a chance on life thou­sands of miles away, where the seasons are backwards, the people have sexy accents and kangaroos are as commonplace as squirrels.

Emily Bernstein is the opinion editor of The Retriever Weekly.

Provide Some Bigger Chairs for the Bigger UMBC Students Jessica Rothfus

The embarrassing nature of this article is apparent, but as my deadline runs near, and my ideas run dry, I realize it must be said. I'm fat, and I want a bigger chair, dammit!

As a woman, I've struggled with my weight most of my life. It's a bitch. I've gone up and down and up again, and it is made worse by the fact that almost everyone in every place judges people based on appear­ance. And weight is definitely a significant issue in American society. One's weight of­ten determines employment opportunities, dating, self-esteem and general societal re­actions. In many ways, I've grown accus­tomed to my extra weight: It's me, it's comfy (to some degree) and it ensures that men will neither look at me, nor ever really see me .:_ two concepts which are, in fact, different.

As an overweight person I feel bad about the fact that I can' t wear certain clothes, or look cute in them. I wish I could hike, bike

and run without feeling ashamed because I'm not fit. I'm definitely not happy when I look in the mirror, and my daily life is a struggle between me and food, involving issues of control. ,

I want to lose weight. ~ome peop(e just can't seem to un- --~

a bigger chair. Understanding could take fully shaped girls because they look so good some serious societal changes, and I can ac- in their clothes and inspire so much admira­cept that. But I don't think it's asking too ·· tion. Now, however, I'm jealous of these much for the university to dish out a few same girls because they look so comfortable

. bucks for a couple new chairs in each of the in. their cpairs. It sounds ridiculous, but it's classrooms around campus. Simply, the true. In addition, it's a given fact that people

derstand that. They ---------------­

chairs in most classes gain weight as they age. A portion of the at UMBC are small UMBC ~tudent body are older adults. I'm not to the point of caus- sayirig they're all big, but what could it hurt ing discomfort, and I to have perhaps five bigger chairs per class-

think that fat . people laze around and eat Big Mac after Big Mac without a care. To be honest, that's bullshit.Yeah, I've

'~'I used to be jealous of thin gi,rls because they look so good in their clothes. Now l'mjealous of these same girls because_ they look so . comfortable in t/J,eir chairs."

know that I am not room? ,i'.

the only student af- This week is international Week. I guess fected by this. being fat doesn't have all that much to do

I work for the with international issues. However, I urge Anne Arundel people to think about how they should treat County public school . others . We shouldn't treat people differently eaten at Burger .

King (probably within the last month), ~ut I'm not a slob who doesn't care about her­self or her body. I care very much about who I am and how others see me. Most people who have never had to struggle with weight don't understand the dilemma, and as a re­sult they often can be very cold.

Anyway, I'm not asking for sympathy. I'm asking for two things: understanding and

system, and high school students have big- based on appearance, ethnicity or national ger, more comfortable chairs than we do. I'm origin. It's not fair to place people in rigid not looking to lounge in a specially contoured categories that stigmatize them as something massage recliner during class, but because I less than human'..~ I'm only asking that people am so uncomfortable in the chairs, my per- view me (and other overweight people) as formance in classes does suffer. I'm consis- humans. But I still want the chair. tently shifting and trying to find the perfect position. I never do. Jessica Rothfus is the assistant opinion edi-

I used to be jealous of thin and beauti- tor of The Retriever Weekly. __ ......... --.... ...._--.... ---

YOU. NOW. OPINION. RITE . . ,; '"'i~~:Sr·'

L. 11210. . I

! ' '

THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY OPINION ·. April '7, 1998 . PAGE9

~---r-reenspace . ----------------------------.

Shand MacDougall

Searching for a direction, a partner for my thoughts, somewhere to wander and wonder, a destination for my imagination. I find and choose a path to ponder along in sublime sunlight driven contemplation.

Beneath my unassuming steps, the subtle embrace of eartti;?own below waves of long grass and dandelion blooms draws me along as if it were some magnetic force and I its object attracted. My path thrives with floral colors and lost echoes of ancient tree leaves tickling each other in some clas­sic breath of breeze. I hear the melodies of secluded and gliding birds, robins and· blue­birds among them. M?st of them have just

recently arrived from points south and, accord­ing to their songs, are thankful that their desti­nations in northern for­es ts and wetlands are still thriving, but are in­deed clinging upon hu­man decisions often governed. by the present day's virtues of greed, progress and ignorance.

I inhale a plethora of scents froin the blos­soms of flowerillg trees as their pastoral petals spiral down in blizzards to rest on green earth. Their absence from

branches is filled by vari- Kodak moments and visions only dreamt? ous shapes and sizes of As I look around and observe the slowly unfolding leaves gilded landscape of a sunny afternoon, both ~hich are preparing to near and faraway on some distant savan­harvest the warmth of nab, forest or tundra, I am compelled to the sun's nourishing'light recognize the ecosystem's dynamic nature and to collect future sum- which represents a moving picture and not mer showers. I gaze a still snap shot. across islands of green The sky, the oceans, rivers and lakes, mosses, which resemble the mountain ranges, flora and fauna, each Lilliputian forests, where an integral part of an ecosystem's sensitive last autumn's foliage composition, become intermingled through rests, gradually pardon- · a necessary neighborly position which is re­ing its color. I wonder . quired of each to create, establish and main­how it is possible that tain a viable c_ondition within and between places kin to the scene I all ecosystems of Earth. have only begun· to de­scribe are disappearing around the world into

Shand MacDougall is a senior and is ma­joring in English.

One Retriever Weekly Staffer's Opinion on The Deceiver Karan Lee'·

The April Fools' Day edition of The Re­triever Weekly- The Deceiver- is a get­down kind of issue where we, the otherwise overworked staff of this esteemed publiCa- . tion, get to take our imaginations and sense of humor onto the dance floor to do a conga line of fake articles - basically, to have a lot of fun and hope that other also students will too when they read it. .

My wish would be that people who read The Deceiver issues will enjoy them take and take them lightly- but I am very aware that this is not always the case, and that there will always be people who may be shocked _by our free speech. Some· university staff mem­bers, administrators and advertisers have ob­jected to the content of last week's April Fools' Day issue, saying that it was too raun­chy, pornographic, disgusting and/or created in "bad taste."

All I have to say to that is: If that issue . was as nasty as some of you think it was, you haven't picked up a GQ or a Glamour magazine lately. Those publications are al­ways showing a bit of nipple or naked but­tocks here and there, and objectifying women as objects of sex. They also have a circula­tion in the millions and are widely available for anyone at any age to buy - and since our issue did not show any pictures of naked women or animals and is for an audience of

· college students, I don't find anything about it shocking at all.

OK, it could be that some kind of moral . degradation must be going on with us kids today that we could even think to write or read this kind of stuff. Call it whatever you want, but you can't deny the fact that this issue is most popular with students than any other we produce during the academic year. Trey want to see it, we like to write it and it's going to keep coming back every year, like it or not.

If you are truly offended and are blam­ing us for creating the issue, I think you should be offended by our readers too, be­cause many of their senses of humor and the things which appe_al to them had attracted them to read it in the first place. How many students are at UMBC and do you actually know any of them?

Look, every campus has a fake issue and that is nothing new - if you think you can find a college newspaper that doesn't do an April Fools' Day issue of some kind or an­other, I certainly challenge you to do so. This is not us against you, and our intentions in writing this issue were never to shock or of­fend any of our readers. The establishment of this particular issue was based solely on­the creativity of our writers and was all about not taking ourselves so seriously and look­ing at issues on and off campus in a humor­ous way.

I think that because we chose to move forward with this material, which has since

been read by hundreds of students and staff. . that we have become the easy target for some

to say, '"\Yell-, this is filth and should be cen­sored," etc. Notice that students in general· are not being told to shut up everytime they say something that some people don't want to hear - but, when words are put into ac­tual print and distributed, people' are suddenly up in arms and publicly objecting. Why? Because words in print have power, no mat­ter how f arcide or playful they may be; they bring an audience of opposers and advocates. I think that because people are objecting to the issue and the fact that we are hearing about this means that somebody is keeping tab~ on us. Somebody is readi!lg what we write and is thinking (or fearing) that we may have some bearing in terms of student body and the campus itself.

Don't tell me students can't do anything.

Karan Lee is the assistant news editor ofThe Retriever Weekly.

Highway Money or Drug Money? It's All Part of the Pot Joe Schwartz

Once again our elected officials are spending the money we earn doing real jobs on loads of useless crap. This time their shop­ping spree with our cash is called the Federal Highway Bill, but it is loaded down with more pork than a Klan barbecue. The $217 billion bill passed this week by the House of Representatives includes $1.6 million for the Missouri Botanical Garden. rm not some kind of botanist or anything, but I know for a fact that botanical gardens are for trees and plants and things, like that which are the ex­act opposite of asphalt and concrete which is what you use to make highways.

Three million dollars is going to pay for medical research on spinal cord injuries, which may be an important cause, especially if you're paralyzed, but is once again not a highway related thing. One good way to pre­vent spinal cord injuries is to stay the hell off of horses. If that horse had wanted Christo­pher Reeve riding him around it wouldn't have thrown him off and paralyzed him. If somebody jumped on my back and hit me with a whip you'd better believe I'd throw his ass off and cripple him. Let this be a warn­ing to those who would mount me like a beast!

Another three million dollars is being spent to produce a public television docmnen-

tary on infrastructure awareness. All those stupid e-mails people send you about how great public TV is and how it doesn't cost too much and provides joy and love for chil­dren can kiss my ass ~ince public TV is wast­ing three million dollars for a movie on in­frastructure awareness. Thi~ movie would get lower ratings than Homeboys in Outer Space: All the awareness I need to have about the infrastructtire is where the cops with the ra­dar ·guns are on I-

fiscal responsibility and to keep the govern­ment from blowing your money on their pet projects. House Budget Committee Chafunan John R. Kasich calied the bill "an abomina­tion" and ·Arizon£! Representative Matt Salmon said, "It's a strange day when Presi­dent Clinton is acting more fiscally respon­sible that the GOP Congress."

A half a million dollars were earmarked for the study of pedestrian and vehicular ac-

cess .to the

70. Seven

million for a transpor­tation mu-seum in Allen-

"This money should be going to pay for 10 or 15 guys to tear up an entire eight lane highway except for one lane, then stand around for a year or two watching everybody squeeze by in ihe one lane left open."

Kennedy Center. Not build­ing better or more access to t h e Kennedy

town , Pennsylvania. I don ' t know about you, bqt.J know exactly where I'm going on vacation this summer.

This money should be going to pay for 10 or 15 guys to tear up an entire eight lane highway except for one lane, then stand around for a year or two watching everybody squeeze by in the one lane left open. That sort of thing really pisses me off too, but at least it's the sort of waste we've come to ex­pect from a federal highway bill.

While many members of both parties are loading the bill with goodies for their dis­tricts, other representatives are fighting for

Center, but just looking to see how people get there.

Gimme that $500,000 and I'll stand there for a whole week and see exactly how every­body gets into and out of that place, by foot, car, helicopter, jet pack, whatever, I'll find every way into that place and write up a list of 'em. I'll even go and ~aminate the list at Kinko's and put some cool clip art on it. Hey, why not give Uncle Sam a break? I'll do the whole job for just $450,000.

After setting aside $10 million for his district to start "an advanced traffic monitor­ing and emergency response c·e11ter" at Letterkenny Army Depot, which is closing,

House Transportation Committee Chair Bud Shuster, pausing briefly from writing checks wit_!l your money, tried to justify his actions by stating, "Angels in heaven don't decide where highways are going to be built. 1bis is a political process and it is not unreasonable for the members of Congress ... to identify five percent <?f the pot for high-priority . projects that are important in their districts."

I think you would agree with me that five percent of the pot you could buy with $217 billion would keep everyone on this campus.-~/ ,,.­

who wanted to be good and high for at l~t a semester. How about a government program for that? If those kids in Arkansas had some kind bud to cut the pain of lost love they wouldn't have had to shoot up their clas~­mates. Kids need drugs, not guns. Instead of watching their classmates' heads explode by firing high powered rifles, they could have scored some wicked acid and stared at the sun until the whole wo~ld exploded.'

The government ought to set up some program where kids can trade their guns for drugs, since I hear a lot of those kids who get shot are getting shot over drugs, but if they didn't have guns and they had more drugs, there would be enough for everybody and no one wquld get shot. Next time I hear about kids shooting up a school, I pray there is a needle and spoon involved.

Joe Schwartz is a senior and is majoring in history.

PAGE 10 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY -OPINION April 7, 1998 ·

'Not Wjthollt My Anus'1 South Park's Evil April Fools' Joke William Hadjigeorgalis

As soon as ten o'clock hit, I grabbed my remote control to change the channel to Com­edy Central. Tonight was the night that all of America's South Park fans would find out who was the father of Cartman. For those of you who do not know much about the show, Cartman is the jerky little fat kid with the really big mouth.

I had thought about it throughout the day. . Was the father Chef, the Barry White wannabe cafeteria cook? Or perhaps it was Mr. Garrison, the latent homosexual elemen­tary school teacher. Maybe it was one of the

-football players from the entire team of the Denver Broncos. I heard rumors that John Elway might be on the show, so my money

Without My Anus" starring Terrence and Philip. This car­toon is some­thing that you would not un­derstand unless you watch South Park on a regu- -lar basis. I won't go into much detail about Ten,;ence -~rnd Philip, but all I have to say is that I would

new episode of my favorite cartoon this week. And to top it all off, I find out during the

credits that the long-awaited new episode of South Park will not be out for another few weeks. Why does Comedy Central taunt me so? They know that show is popular - the most popular show on their station - but yet, they take their time rolling out new episodes.

Perhaps South Park episodes are like good wine, they take time to make. All I can say for sure is that I want to find out who put his boo-boo-dilly inside Mrs. Cartman's cha­cha and that I won' t be satisfied until I know.

William Hadjigeorgalis is a s_enior and is ma­joring in photography.

~was on him to be the father. In a moment of frightening clarity, I re­alized that I was actually upset that I would not get to see a cartoon. For a mom~nt, that · bothyred me. I thought to myself, I am 22 · years old, I really need to stop watching car­toons. But I quickly got over that feeling of guilt after visiting a Web page devoted to South Park - www.beef-cake.com. After downloading the sound clip of "I've been

watching South Park. -- ,~ It would be simpler if that were the case

because if the father was a regular on the show, then the plots of the episodes would just not have the same quality. And consider­ing how much effort is put into the anima­tion, I figured the folks at Comedy Central were not going to push themselves too much.

So I stared intensely at the screen, wait­ing for the opening credits and then I discov­ered that South Park would not be shown at all. It was all a cruel April Fools' joke. After the day that I had, I was not in the mood for an April Fools' Joke.

Her Voice

- licking carpet for three hours and I still don' t feel like a lesbian," I finally understood that it was OK to watch cartoons . .

Instead of airing the long awaited episode . of South Park, Comedy Central showed "Not

I 6Ven sat there and watched the entire Terrence and Philip episode in hopes that they would mention who Cartman 's dad is or that perhaps they w_ould end up showing the South Park episode that we have all waited for. But my hope lead to disap­pointment as I re­alized that I would not be seeing a

What UMBC ls Doing About Sexual Assault Wendy Stevenson

Among a national sample of college women, one in four have been sexually ruisaulted. Twenty-five percent of college males -admit to forcing some type of sexual contact on a female. Only five percent of college w_omen who are sexu­ally assaulted report the crime to authori­ties, reducing the official statistics and thus not reflecting the true extent of the problem.

As these statistics show, rape and attempted rape are serious problems at universities throughout the country. Sexual assault not only results' in psy­chological and physical trauma but also interferes with educational performance and completion.

At UMBC, five forcible rapes were reported between 1994 and 1996 as documented in our student directory. A 1992 campus climate survey conducted by UMBC's President's Commission for Women revealed that 52.3 percent of female students reported avoiding evening classes out of fear for their safety. This surVey also found that 72.4 percent of female students are afraiq to

ing aware that our campus was not in com­pliance _with the University System·ofMary­land sexual assault policy; leaving the uni­versity vulnerable to legal action. For ex­ample, UMBC had no designated staff mem­ber to serve as sexual assault coordinator or initial contact person following the report of a sexual .assault as specified in the USM policy. ,

We also became aware through reports from students and staff that sexual assault

.

recommengations related to improving re­porting procedures, prevention and interven­tion activities, general safety and security is­sues, and increasing staff available to respond to sexual assaults. We invited various cam­pus departments to give input and discuss possible recommendations.: These depart­ments included ORL, UMBC police, SHS, Judicial Affairs, the Counseling Center, Stu­dent Affairs and the Women's Center.

We based our recommendations on our

"Staff have also reported that several students withdrew from UMBC as a result of sexual assault concerns, proving that rape is n~t just personal; it's a retention is~ue as well."

victims were not getting the k:j_nd of help they discussions within the-- subcommittee and needed. Services for sexual assault survivors with various campus departments about the are fragmented. Students don't know where needs of the UMBC community as well as to go for help, and this can often result in ad- our review of the legal and scientific litera­ditionaI pain and trauma.s Staff and faculty ture and on sexual assault prevention/inter­report confusion about ho~ to help students vention ·programs available at other univer­who have been sexually ~saulted and where sities. to direct them for suppo~~ervices. The main recommendations include:

Staff have also repo~ that several stu- • 1) Create a full-time university position for a dents withdrew from uMBC as a result of coordinator of sexual assault education, in-

walk alone on campus at night. sexual assault concerns, proving that rape is tervention and response. The fear of assault leads many fe- · notjust personal; it's-a retention issue as well.

male students to avoid classes, visits to The Women's Commission formed a the library and various campus activi- sexual assault subcomiajttee c~nsisting of ties after dark. Safety_ concerns interfere - - students, faculty and staff tn respdnse to these with equal access to educational re- concerns. The goal of thi~·committee was to sources for female students. develop recommendations that wquld aid

UMBC students, faculty and staff UMBC in complying with the USM sexual have expressed concerns about the oc- assault policy and -improve prevention and currence of sexual assault on campus. intervention services to help make UMBC a The President's Commission for Women safer community for everyone. ,. -began to address this issue upon becom- Our subcommittee \\'Orked to develog

'~.

2) Conduct a survey to document the extent of sexual assault at UMBC. 3) Provide funding for prevention and out­reach programs in an effort to take a proac­tive approach to sexual assault. 4) DeveJop a reporting procedure for faculty, staff and administratqrs to report sexual as­saults to a central office or person.

In addition to the work of the Women's Commission, Reginald Nettles (Director of the. Counseling Center and SHS) has been

collaborating with a team of staff mem­bers from vanous departments to help bring our campus into compliance with the USM sexual assault policy. Nettles is now the initial contact person when a sexual assault occurs and Marie Yeh of Student Health Services has been desig-

- nated sexual assault coordinator in addi­tion to her continued duties as a health educator. ·

These appointments helped bring UMBC into compliance with the USM policy. Additional work is being done to draft procedures to be followed in the event of a sexual assault. These efforts are a step in the right direction to improv­ing services to sexual assault survivors.

On March 30, representatives from the Women's Commission and various UMBC departments impacted by sexual assault policy - including the. UMBC Police, SHS, Counseling Center, ORL, Judicial Affairs and_ others - met with UMBC President Fr'eeman Hrabowski and Provost Jo Ann Argersinger to dis­cuss and update the administration on the recoffimendations.

The a<lministration was supportive of continued efforts to improve services to sexual assault survivors and encour­aged a proactive approach to sexual as­sault with an emphasis on epucational and prevention programs. Work is con­tinuing in this area to help make the UMBC community safer. ,

Wendy Stevenson i~ a fifth-year gradu-ate student in psychology. She is ___ an ad-visory member of the UMBC President's Commission for Women and chair of the commission's sexual assault subcommit­tee.

' -~-- -·~-:::::..~~~

. .. ·• r• 0 0

• - ~ • .- ~~-;----:-. ., M

-----_....---________ M_ .. - ·-

THI{RETRIEVER WEEKLY NEWS ~pril 7, 1998

..

THE RET

&·:. 20~ INvrte_ Yotf ro E ..

. 'TO ANN;9pN:~~ : 1tHE:

RELEAse· OF ~: rNE > ,. :. ·~: .. : ·: ·.:''{.~· :~ ::: ·.: .. · . ·: ~ .· :· :: ::: :~ ::: :: ~ : :: ~ ~. ::. <. ·::

~.:·::·•;;:·~~···-~*-· < :. :FRE.E :l~OUR . ··: p' ·.R. :··1z·· · ;E·: .. ·s·~'. .A·. '·:· ~· .. ..· .. . > '. ~ l

··• iGo.ofJI·~~ ·~. '': ::· ': :~ ~· ··;.: ~ . .

ASP~ ... ( '

· ... ·-::.~

THEATRE.

PASSES AND PRIZES

ARE AVAILABLE WHILE

SUPPLIES LAST. NO

PURCHASE NECESSARY.

LIMIT ONE PER PERSON.

EMPLOYEES OF 2 0TH

CENTURY FOX, THE

RETRIEVER WEEKLY AND

UMBC ARE NOT

ELIGIBLE.

. R-•:WE~EK[Y . . . ' • . .

·.uRv···•Fox · .· F MY AFFECTIO.

PAGE12 April 7, 1998

FEATURES Taking the Sting out of Required Courses Math 100 Offers New Approach

JENNIFER SICILIANO Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff

Imagine a world where non­math majors can learn complex mathematical concepts by using innovation and creativity - a place where required math-sci­ence courses are not only palat­able, but actually enjoyable and challenging. But where is this magical land? you query, Some­where over the rainbow? (No. We don't report stories from over the rainbow; they have their own staff). That place is here, UMBC.

Dr. Fred Gross teaches one of the sections of Math 100, Math For Liberal Arts Majors. His phi­losophy is simple: "It's a math ap­preciation course without the pains of traditional. math." He emphasizes that math is simply an extension oflanguage, and just as the alphabet exterids beyond A to Z, math isn't just Pythagoras and proofs. By removing the jargon, he enables the students to under­stand previously misunderstood

concepts. "There is no great ad­vantage to math terminology," emphasizes Gross.

"The main thing I try to do is use shapes and visualization," he says, noting that it's always easier to visualize a concept if a model is used.

His description of the course could not be more imaginative, as it comes straight from Dr. Seuss's poem "On Beyond Zebra," with

- some additional verses penned by Gross.

Said Conrad Cornelius O'Donald O'Dell,

My very young friend who is learning to spell

The A is for Ape and the B is for Bear.

The C is for Camel. The H is for Hare.

The M is for Mouse. The R is for Rat.

I know all the twenty-six letters like that.

Through to Z is for Zebra. I know them all well

SEE MATH FUN, PAGE 13

Stranger in a Strange Land: College DAVE CHEN

Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff

I stood at the curb and waved goodbye to my aunt and uncle who had helped me settle into my new home away from home. As they drove off, I was left wondering, ''Now what?" I had traveled halfway around the world from Taiwan and didn't have the faintest clue about college life:--

Sitting in my room, I looked at my belongings: two suitcases, a back-

. pack, a desk lamp, a blanket and pil­lows, a CD player and some grocer­ies my aunt had bought for me; that was all I had. My roommate was absent, but the sounds of the return-

. ing Susquehanna 3rd South resi­dents wafted in through my open door as I unpacked. Soon after, I wandered downstairs into the base­ment to attend the transfer student orientation which started me on get­ting to know UMBC.

I was new to this school but re­motely familiar with Baltimore. 14 years ago my family moved from Owings Mil1s to Houston, Texas because of my father's new job. Since then, I had been bacl( in Mary­land only once a few months before to see off my brother who began his

SEE COLLEGE, PAGE 13

Dave Chen I Retriever Weekly Staff

Familiar sights such as this Kuan King statue are no longer available in Maryland.

From Russia, With Love [INSERT NAME HERE] OXANA T~SSQVA Retriever Weekly Contributor

"You can get the U.S. Residency with no expense by participating in the Green Card lottery. Ju.st send your name, address, date_ of birth, and photo together with education and employment history by Janu­ary 25, 1995 to National Passport Center, 31 Rochester Ave., Ports­mouth, NH 003801-2900." My mother spotted the ad in Izvestia, one of the main daily newspapers in Russia. "I never play lotteries," my father said.

The paper lay in the table drawer for a month. On January 21, four days before the deadline to send it, my mother was dusting the furni­ture and spotted the newspaper for the second time. I wrote down all the required information on sepa­rate sheets of paper, attached pic­tures of each of our family mem­bers, and gave the sheets to my brother and parents to sign. The let­ter was mailed to Portsmouth. A few months passed . Once in while someone from our family would say, "No response from Ports­mouth." The story was almost for­gotten.

But on April 1, a post official rang the doorbell and handed in a large white envelope -- it didn't fit in our standard Russian mailbox. The

cover letter said, "Information about your Immigrant Visa. Con­gratulations! You can proceed with the Green Card Lottery .. . "

I flipped the page -- my name_ was printed on the top of the instructions package. "Is it a joke?" I thought. In Russia, April 1 is a day for pok­ing fu n and playing tricks.

I armed myself with the English­Russian fu11-sized dictionary, and three hours later, I declared to the impatient family, "I don't under­stand what they are trying to say. 'The head of the household' is not

in the dictionary, but I think that I'm the only one of us who can proceed in the lottery."

My mother made four copies of the forms from the package -- each was about eight pages long. The form asked about our crime records, relatives in the U.S., membership in political organizations, and medi­cal problems including allergies, mental or venereal diseases.

. ~ I filled out the forms for each of

us, as we still hoped that each of us could proceed in the lottery. I trans

SEE TARASSOVA, PAGE 13

Hello and welcome to this week's installment of "Jen pitches a perfectly good idea and you all poo-poo it like the buncha losers. that you are." But this week I have an original(-ish) idea, i.e. one I didn't think of myself. Nope. I got an E-mail - which wasn't a campus announcement- from Neeraj Sardana, who suggested that you find alternate endings to popular movies. Neeraj's example was Titanic, but I think it could work with Thelma and Louise, The Wizard of OZ, The Crying Game. Even Spice World. Neeraj says to feel free to throw in any cameo appearances by any favorite actors/politicians/ small pets you may deem necessary.

Once again, that contest is: rewrite the ending to your favorite over-publicized movie. Fix it. Make it not suck.

Please keep submissions under 100 wgrds (which may sound like a lot, but that's how much the word counf s'ays this column is already and it's not that much). And for the love of pkra, keep it clean. No room for smut in this paper.

Neeraj, thank you for your faboo idea, and for being the first in what I hope will be a long line of.idea-pitchers you shall receive a pencil sharpener shaped like a human nose. Insert your favorite dull pencil into the sharpener's nostril - not your own - and look! Mmmm ... pointy. Come to the office and pick your nose. (Oh, like none of you saw that coming?)

The winner of next week's contest will receive a day-glo green, orange and yellow sign from a friend's stint as a Chuck-E-Cheese employee. The sign has a frog on it, imploring you to pummel the poor amphibian in hopes of spurring it into action. Or something like that. Regardless, the sign is big and tacky, sure to fulfil the "big and tacky" quota in your apartment or dorm room.

Entries must be received no later than 5:00 Thursday April 9 in the Retrie ver Weekly office,

UC 2 14. You could also email me at jsicil I@gl. umbc.edu. We are still sol iciting contest ideas. likewise we are offering "sorry-ass-prizes·· (thank you, Neeraj) for your troubl es. No, wait: only the trouble you took to craft an idea. Not any random trouble. T don't particularly care that your botched attempt at Manik Panik left a purple ring around your mother 's whi te tub, nor do I care that Marilyn Manson isn ' t returni ng your calls. f do care abo ut Cartman, and I think it 's a damn shame that we' ll never know who hi s father really is. Although my personal belief is that Cartman is the illegitimate son of Cigarette Smoking Man . I seem to be the minority in this belief, however. Nooo, Kitty! ' S a BAAAD KITIY!!!

-.. ,....-. -- ~ ~--·

, THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY

· ent to a party last Sat­-· urday night, I didn't get laid I goi in a fight, uh-huh, itain 't no big thing.

Does this sound like your life? _Probably not, · if you're lucky. But maybe your'iwighlight times are still

far from exciting -or even enjoyable. You're looking for some brilliant ideas of ways to fill your nights, you're looking for a

"night life." Well_you are in luck, read.all about it in this week's Focus section. on N~gl].t Life. -- ·

. Polka Dots and Tangoing KAREN KEYS

Retriever Weekiy Staff Writer - couples, . and single-20 or 30-somethin,gs gather ol) the . 12th floor to learn the slick m1:>ves of partnered dancing. For the sum of

·The boys lined up on one side, and the girls $14, participants feast on a catered buffet on the other. The instructor called out, '. 'Step- _ -from 6 p.m.-9 p.m., partake in a lesson fea­step, step-step" as beginners waddled and the turing two dances from 7 :30 p.m.-8:30 p.m., less-rhythmically-challenged strutted on the and dance. the night away until 10 p.m. The wood floor of the Gral)d Ballroom at the food, catered by rruffles, offered a selection Belvedere hotel.. of tasty treats including breaded chicken,

Our dancing king, Helmut Licht, led us. pasta anq rice dishes, a seafood dish, pre­through the beginning steps of the polka. The dancing niunchies and dessert. Alcoholic ballroom baron presumably started with this drinks cost an extra $1-3, but soda is free. tame; golly-gee dance to ease us into the idea If the Belvedere costs too much for ~ col­of structured dance .. The polka starts with lege budget, o~er opportunities exist in the

· dancers facing each other and gliding through area, a bunch of double-steps, switching side to Locally; the Avalon Studio, located on side. The rest consists of the "H()Idware Frederick Road, : offers a yariety of lessons store," turning to the man's side, "The Jew- throughout the week ·including the popular . elry store," turning to the woman's side, and swing. Call 410-869,9771. -umbrella turns. Participants are ordered to The Friday Night Swing Dance Club of~ switch partners every few steps, but some of fers beginning swing workshops at 8 p.m. and the couples chose to stay together despite dancing until midnight. $10 for noflilJ.embers. Helmut's urgings. . . Call 410-583-7337.

While the dancing reinforces traditional The Towson Dance Studio offers a bunch sex roles with men leading, and women do- of different dance lessons including big band, ing the st~ps "backwards," ~t's a fun none- Latin, swing, and. ballroom. Call 410-828-theless. (One m:m told my .friend, "Just let 6116. :

FOCUS April 7, 1998 PAGE13

Wild Nights Are Calling Night Time _Activities. to R~lieve- Boredom

BRIGITTA KRAL Retriever Weekly Editorial S,taff

l~te-night eateri~s for specific listi_ngs in the area. D Shake that booty! You may not be the next

Wfyis it that when y~u finally have a John Travolta in a disco suit or Jennifer Grey night free of homework and other tiresome dancin' dirty. with a Patrick Swayze look­responsibilities you can never think of any-. alike; but.you can always pretend. Whatever thing Jun and exciting to do? Suddenly all your taste in mrn;ic, Baltimore and DC are of those "I'd rather be ... " thoughts that al-· filled with-clubs catering from country to goth

ways occupy your mind at the most inconve- listeners. The most comprehensive listings nient of moments are nowhere .to be found. can be found in the City Paper or the Live So, you usually resign yourselftq yet another section of The Baltimore Sun (check our re­night stationed in front of your mind numb- view for some highlights). ing television, stuck in rerun hell. D Do you wan~ to dance but you' re afraid

Well, it doesn't have to be that way1 With you'll look like an idiot? Well then, spend a little bit of money and a desire for stimula- your evening out on the town taking dance ti on, you can find some amusing activity in lessons and learn to be the next-Ginger Rogers which to partake. To aid you in your search. or Fred Astaire. See review for some local for merriment, here are a few ideas (see spe- places to take dance 'lessons and the Balti- · cific reviews for more details) : . more Sun's Live section for a comprehensive D Experience some culture and attend a book listing. discussion at a loc:;al Bibelot bookstore. They Q Running low on caffeine? Well, grab a often feature the ',Vriter giving a talk on his _ . (riend and refuel at the closest cafe. There's · or her book as well as an interactive discus- nothing quite like sitting with a giant cup of sion and signi11g. It's an interesting as well java and chatting with a good buddy. And, as intellectually stimulating way to spend an the caffeine will help you stay awake and fin­-evening. Beside~, if y9utake a dat~ it' ll make ish any homework you may have chosen to ya look really smtllt (but not nergy). For in- neglect i~ your search for fun. See review. formation on specific events at the Bibelot D Was the Color of Money one of yc,mr fa­location in Woodholme call (410) 653-6933, - voritemovies? Have you even seen the Color Be1Air(410) 838-1622 and Timonium (410) of Money? Either way, shooting pool is quite 308-1888. relaxing and, if you're talented enough, prof-0 If your st.omach is a' rumbling then g6 eat ,' itable too: Baltimore hosts a variety of places something. Lots of places are· open all night with pool tables, including One World Cafe long to serve y'ou._ Granted, the employees _on Charks Street_:_ (4~0) 234-0235 it only, stuck delivering burgers to inebriated custom- ironiCally; has one table; Club Midnite on N. ers at three am are generally slightly dis-'. Howard Street - (410) 243-3535 combine gruntled and the food comes a · 1~ sound ef- booty shaking downstairs with pool hustling fects but, that's parfofthe fun. See review of SEE ACTIVITIES, P~GE X

me lead. If I make a mistake, you make it, too.") Helmut reminded men that woman choose the pace. "If she wants to take twenty minutes to turn, you let her." Meanwhile men had more pressure to master the steps in a timely manner so. they could properly lead the women.

. . . . .

Each time we switched partners, I let my rrian know, ''I'm horrible." He always reas­sured me, grimacing each time I turned the wrong way or started with the wrong foot. The ones in the know - those who had been attending the workshops for a few weeks -guided me _ with confidence each time I at­tempted to make a wrong move. But if the guy was just as clueless, we ended up crash­ing into other couples. As a woman I had to · except my lot on the dance floor because of my submissive role.

I never quite mastered the tango due to my inability to step, "Slow, slow, tango, close." Sounds simple enough, right? After a part­ner informed me none too nicely that I was stepping with the wrong foot I gave up and became a wallflower, sadly watching the other couples glide by me.

Every Wednesday a mix of c;ollege kids,

Late-Night Dining in Balmore, ·Hon ELAINE R. ELGAMIL Retriever Weekly Staff Writer

It's three am and you're deep in the throes of a nostalgic pity party, mjssing the warmth and attention you received when you still lived at home. Your stomach is crying to be filled and you soul could also use some lovin' . _ Well, when this happens to me, I resi secure in the knowledge that I can always venture out to the Sip 'n' Bite restaurant, 200 Boston St., (410) 675-7077, and feel loved once

- again. With limited dining choices in Balti­more after 10 or 11, The Sip 'n' Bite _is the city's late-night gem.

On this particular lonely eveqing, my din­ing companion ~"Raoul" and I placed our­selves in our usual booth by the window and settled into the coziness for some people watching. You see, the Sip 'n' Bite is not just ·. a place for comfort food, but a place where the ultimate John Wa:ters film could be made.

It was not busy when we arrived-- 'in fact

sitting in the last.booth was one lone diner in black, smoking his cigarettes and sipping_his 'coffee. By the time we left, though, the place · was packed with locals who hadjust gotten off of work. ·

The eatery is·in the downstairs of a Can­ton row house op the water. The owners live upstairs and·often venture in to check on busi­ness, which can pile up when the Fells Point bars let out at 2 AM with a host of stat.Ved people.

Our waitress.was someone we had not seen before-- tall, tattooed and fit with a perfectly apropos Balmoron accent .. I believe that they . secretly screen their job applicants for-re-

. giorial accents always accompanied by the word "hon." Unlike our usual servers remi­niscent of chain-smoking grandmothers, this · particular waitress was young and up-beat.

The food, however, was the usual food glo­rious food of the Sip 'n' Bite. The chef is always behind the counter cooking up a storm of sandwiches, subs, salads and breakfasty

items. Unfortunately, if you want one of t.ue ~­dinner speCials, like meatloaf or turkef,-you have to arrive early in the evening. My buddy Raoul has been disappointed on a couple of -oC:-casions by his inability to receive a dinner platter in the middle of the night. Go ffgure.

This time, Raoul wisely chose one of the egg specials with sides of home fries ·and scrapple ($3.95). When asked to comment about the unnaturally square processed meat product, he said that it was "Scrapple-y­icious." I just shook my head.

The Sip 'n' Bite achieves absolute perfec­tion with its the grilled cheese . sandwiches ($2.25), which are nevertoo greasy, too burnt, too un-melted or too rubbery. What god has brought this food unto us, I know not. With a plate of fri'es ($1.60), I ~as feeling content.

If it is closer to breakfast than to dinner, the hot cakes ($2.95) are a good choice, be­cause -While they are fluffy, they are not too sweet. The restaurant also has a variety of

SEE DINING, PAGE X

PAGE14 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FO·cus April 7, 1998

Where NOT to. Go DanCing ADRIENNE CASSARA Retriever Weekly Staff Writer

On a que~t to find the perfect dance club in Baltimore, I perused the City Paper look­ing for the ideal place to go on a Wednesday night. Yes, Wednesday. Of.course, the week­end would be a better time to go, but I couldn't make it then. When I found the ad­vertisement for College Night at 723 in Fells Point, I thought I hit paydirt. WeU, it wasn't exactly pay dirt, but I'll talk about the bath­rooms later.

Admission was five dollars for all you can drink, so my friend Shelly and I walked in with our cute pink wristbands, r'ady to just sit an!f drink and talk (Just because I'm writ­in1f about dance clubs doesn't mean I actu­ally have Jo dance, right?). Because we were intending to plant ourselves· at the bar, we · were actually kind of relieved that the place was pretty empty. Our plan was to get our five dollars worth and then move on.

We had our pick of seats at the bar; it was empty except for a few college-type fellows and a couple of older gentlemen. The dance ._ floor was empty, making it look really silly with the lights are flashin·g and the music playing super loud. In the midst of my con­templation concerning the ludicrously empty dance floor, my shoulder was grabbed by one of the older guys whom I had purposely po­sitioned my back to.

J,n broken English, this slim Gerard Depardieu look-alike in a pseudo-punk denim jacket asked me to dance. I politely refused, trying to explain to him that I was just here to talk w.ith my friend. He finally left after I

repeated myself three or four times. the place by the bouncer. The two others were Well, as we continued to talk, we kept on our skater friends who came to Shelly's res­

being interrupted by every · single man that cue. As we· were getting ready to leav~, Shelly walked in: thirty-something office types in took her Swiss Army knife off het key-ch~in · polo shirts, a preppy guy who is visiting from to be ready for anything; . " . . Cleveland and some young, blond skaters Exhausted from our trip to' singles hell, · who were surprisingly the most charming 'of · Shelly and I stopped for a fi!lal drink at the th.e three (you would think maturity comes Martian Martini Bar. This place has a tiny with age). . little d~ce floor, but functions much better

It took Shelly and I a while to realize why · as a place for social intera~tion. The martini ·s· · we were getting so much attention, until we · are expensive (close to five dollars apiece); looked around and noticed that aside from but we felt obligatep to try one of the-more the bartender, we were. the only females in exotic ones that they offer. the place. What's worse, the foreign ~uy and I had the Martian Martini, which contained his friend finally gave up on us and started gin, pineapple, and Midori, while my friend dancing, with each other. Their specialty? . enjoyed the Milky Way, complete with a min­Some sort of robotic move that they .must iature candy bar in place of the olive. They have stolen from "Breakin' 2: -Electric were playing dance music .that night (Friday Boogaloo." _ is Eighties new wave incidentally), and there

Bothered by the now occl_!pied and even were some guys '·and girls dancing. But for more ridiculous looking dance floor, our next the most part people were shooting pool, talk­mission was to find a bathroom. I downed ing, or watching "Sliver" on the TV's (com-· my bottom shelf gin and tonic (We soon found · lete with closed ca tionin ). _that our five dollars didn't allow us many decent choices) super fast, but held it in. The thought of me arid Shelly separating was slightly daunting. After much hesitation, I headed for the bathroom.

I stood in front of the two stalls· trying to determine the lesser evil. One didn't have a door. The ot~er didn't have toilet paper. I was told to try the one upstairs. Each of the stalls had doors and toilet paper, and some of them even had a little something extra. Now I know why there are no girls here.

When I came. down, it was no surprise to see my friend surrounded by three men, one of whom was Gerard, being escorted out of

It was a pleasant change of pace from the _socially oppressive 723 and the selection of alcohol was certainly more creative. I'm

·afraid, however, that I failed in my mission to find the perfect dance club i!1 Baltimore. -Maybe I'Irhave better luck next time. SOME LOCAL DANCE CLl!BSTO TEST:

. *Belles' Pit Beef and Ale House: (301) 696-9623, 1202 E. Patrick St., Frederick -- Jazz; blues and rock *Full Moon Saloon: (410) 276-6388, 1710 Aliceanna St. -:- Live blues. _ . . *Paradox: (410) 837-9110, .1310 Russell

· Street -- House, techno, trance, hip-hop. *Stagecoach Saloon & Restaurant: (410) . 547-0107, 1003 N. Charles St -- Country­westem. *Twighlight Zone: (410) 737-8000, 3601 Commerce Drive- -- After-hours club with "high energy dance music." *Uno: (410) 483-4111, 5803 Pulaski High­way: "South Beach" theme with Latin and Caribbean music.

Photo by Matthew Cannon

.Bars That Don't· -suck Or, the Only Bars I've Been to in Charm City

·FihtPhoto

JENNIFER SICILIANO Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff

D Bennegin;s_ at Harborpface. YeaI:i, sure, it's a chain and by all rights chain·s should be broken. But in terms. of cider and Guinness availability, Bennegiri's has both on tap. I'd like to think my incessant whining to the head partender sparked this attention to inventory,

· . but I doubt it. Plus, they off ~r the best appe­rettes ?"There is also a Draw 80 Poker game tizers for your artery-clogging buck. And for . which is rarely used (it is for entertainment, those customers, .like me, who are veggie­not gambling). phobic, they'll custom-make anything, hold-

Finer-at the Diner FROM DINING, PAGE X .

choices for mixing and m~.tching hot cakes, . 'French toast, eggs and breakfast sides. Om­elets ($4 range) are loaded with veggies, cbeese and meats and are perfect for the truly starving.

For the big spenders, the Sip 'n' Bite steak and eggs ($10.95) is the entree of choice. Most guidebooks recommend the Sip · 'n' Bite's crab cake. sandwiches ($4.95), which are cheap and good. And if you haven't had enough at the local bar, they sell a variety of beer and wine for under $3. The variety of subs (whole $5.95-9_.95) are also a good choice if yo~ need more food to fill your belly.

To top ir all off, order a dessert like Oreo cheesecake ($2.25) and I guarantee: you will sleep like a well fed and burped baby.

If you had the liver and onions, not to worry, because the restaurant sports a gum/ M&M machine for bad breath. The S!p 'n' Bite also features a cigarette mc;ichine from the old days. As Raoul aptly put it, "Where else in ttl.e city can a 12 year old get ciga-

Oh,. and op your way out, ne;er, ever for- ing any onion, tomato, guacamole wad or get to talk .to the chef as he takes your check, mushroom you ~.§k: for he has shown you the love~of a mother. D Nacho Mama's. This Canton bar is kitch

Other area late-night dini'ng options include: h~l. Elvis, · pink fl,amingoes, chile pepper ·The ;Buttery Restaurant, · 1 E. Centre St., Christmas lights -- and that's all on the out­(410) 837-2494, where To_riAmos allegedly side·ofthe building. Snide waitstaff, sarcas­hung out during her Peabody <;lays. If you tic menus and margaritas served in hubcaps want greasy spoon and a chance to watch all make this place worth tqe trip. And they some of the locals in action, this is the place. have cider. ·The Double T Diner, f)300 Baltimote Nat'l D Looney's Pub. Also in Canton, this place Pike, (410) 744-4151, is always packed and is less flashy but has kick-ass sandwiches. the service is slow, but you can '.t miss the Plenty of cider here, too. In fact, if you go to

· huge dessert counter. when you walk in.- Looney's in the middle of a weekday, they'll ·ThePapermoonDiner,227W.29thSt.,(410) compromise with you on which soap to 889-4444, if you can remember was once a _ . watch. And that's why we go to bars in broad shgdy place to eat. But now, with the redeco- daylight anyway, isn't it? ration of the building, even the most yuppie _ · D Bertha's. If you ha-v:en ' t seen the. bright couple will come to eat at 2AM. The food is kreen humper stickers imploring EAT really good, a bit more on the costly side, but BERTHA'S MUSSELS, then you obviously worth it, as long as you .don't allow the ran- aren' t paying attention to the road as you dom decorations to bother you. should be. ~~is ~ells Point join tis s~~ll and

dark with very few tables -- very few. Apple · and pear cider and Guinness on tap, ~ot to mention bad-ass steamed shrimp and the obligatory mussels. I fear mussels, but there's ·a reason Bertha's are famous. The prices are high, but .it's seafood so I guess tJ;iat's to be expected. Save up, it'S worth it. D Club Orpheus. Goth club. Clubs are ex­pensive to begin with, so I could only afford one dril;lk. Four bucks for a cider isn't my cup of tea. The clientele is clique-y but the music is good (goth~indQ~trial). Multiple lev­els allow the requisite solo-brooding in dark

· comers. Right outside of Little Italy _:._ un­less it's right inside. Who ~ows? D The Wharf Rat. ,Also Fells Point, right by the police station· on the cobblestone street.

_Parking's a bitch. This place runs ·a special . some nights wherein you buy a $4 Guinness, keep the glass and refill it for $3for the rest · of the night. And they h~ve Cider. Pool table · in the back for .75 a game, and it's not un­likely that you'll be playing with strangers but that's OK, you'll make friends . D The Rendezvous. Slightly seedy, cramped, dark and really cheap! This bar hosts a giant glass jar that should by all rights be filled with pickled eggs but instead holds mara­schino cherries soaking in Vodka: Just ask for a cherry bomb and maybe if you manage to tie the cherry stem in a knot with your tongue you'll get the drink for free. Rendez­vous with two dollar Tanqueray and tonics at the intersection of 25th and Howard.

---- --------~~-----;--------:--:-:-~ --~- .. --- -- .. ~ .

THE-RETRIEVER WEEKLY

Tracy's Comedy Club A Barrel of Laughs or a B~rrel of Money?

BRIGITTA KRAL Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff

Tracy's Comedy Club l~ated beneath the ritzy Bowman restaurant -on Harford Road looks more like a banquet room rented out for receptions than a source of comedic de­light. Tracy's consists of one large room in the basement of a brick building filled with an abundance of small tables seating between two and four people, one or two larger tables for .crowds of ten and a bar running the length of the back wall.

The reception room aura comes from the metal· chairs with cushfon seats, the fake marble pillars serving as support for the square. drop panel ceiling tiles, the cream colored wallpaper enhanced by pale olive green swirl designs and the conservatishly gaudy carpet covered with large brown leaves outlined in black. Tracy's tables are reminis­cent of fancy card tables, black with the top decorated in metallic colored splotches and little candles encased in egg-shaped glass canisters. Track lighting on the ceiling illu­minates the room, leaving it pleasantly dim and the customers able to see the rather small rectangular stage in the front, bare except for a mike stand. -

To reach this not particularly club-like at-. mosphere, you must enter through the street level glass door marked "Tracy's" next to the door for the Bowman restaurant marked "Dining_Room" and proceed down a shm1 but steep flight of carpeted stairs. At the bot­tom of the ·stairs stands an old fashioned, non­compaterized cash register displaying a hand­written sign proclaiming, "You must be 21 to enter."

The sign seems to serve more as a formal­ity, however, as none of the guests appear to be carded for identification. The cost to en· ter is seven dollars per person, a fee whi".h may or may not be worth i( depending on · the talent of that evening's line-up.

In addition to the entrance fee , however;

sodas in cheap plastic cups cost two dollars and it is a club, many of the patrons oft for akoholic beverages regardless.

The problem with the two drink policy, aside from the costliness, involves the sched­uling of the, comedic entertainment. Tracy's is only open on Friday and Saturday nights and offers one show on Fridays and two on Saturdays -- one scheduled for 8:30 and one for 10:45. Because ofthis time constraint, the patrons niust leave immediately after the close of the first set, around 10 o'clock. As one may imagine, a customer drinking the requi~ed two drinks (assuming they are alco­holic) should not legally be driving having had only.two hours at most to digest them. - ln addition, some customers who do not have a chance to finish their drinks in the club simply take their oh so portable plastic cups into the car and behind the wheel with them. Tracy's policy may not be to blame for this, but it cert~inly warrants suspicion.

Tracey's Comedy Club's line-up varies on a weekly basis, and generally includes two comedians -- one considered the opening act and one the headliner. And, as is true of any local act _one is not previously fam_iliar with

. before paying to see, there is no guarantee · that the comedians will actually be funny.

So, before going to Tracy's hoping for a good_ laugh, you might want to think about your budget and whether it wouldn't be cheaper and wiser to rent a tape of an old Eddie Murphy or Robin Williams stand-up routine. At least then you can choose whether or not you-want to drink anything (alcoholic or otherwise) and you are practically guar­anteed a chuckle· or-two. But, you also miss out on the experience of seeing a comedian who may one day "make it big," after all, even Jerry Seinfeld started by playing local comedy clubs. · LOCAL COMEDY CLUBS: Tracy's at th~ Bowman: (410) 665-8600 Winchester's Comedy Club (Water St.): (410) 576-8558

Tracy's insists up<?n a two dripk minimum. Comedy Connection of Laurel (Main St.):

FOCUS April 7, 1_998 PAGE15

Riverside: All That and a Cup of Coffee A Look at Some Area Java Sellers

CASEYREILLY " . Retriever Weekly Staff Writer

friend. For the period <?f final exams coffee · will be only one dollar after 7 p.~ ..

As for their so-called "alternative drinks," ;; the Italian apple soda comes highly recom-If you follow the psychic lines of ~onver- mended; Be sure to ask the staff if they have .

gence deep into the heart. of Ellicot City you any secret creations of their own for you to will find rows and rows of quaint, happy little try, because Riverside's ever-creative em· shops. Nestled among· these flashbacks to a ployees come up with new drinks more of­more peaceful area lies Riverside Roastery ten than most people come up with new uses & Espresso, one of the finest places to get a for butter. So if you're jonesin' for java at cup of coffee in. the vicinity of campus, _if UMBC, you need travel no farther than not in the entire worlc,i. · Ellicot City. The good people at Riverside

Riverside calls 8059 Main Street in Ellicot (many of them UMBC students) will take · City its home~~ and a cadre of interesting folks care of your every need, and do· so in a re­c all Riverside theirs . This coffee shop laxed and happy atmosphere. extraordinare fills ~ightly with a wide selec- · If you feel the need for a little adventure, tion of hippies and yuppies, college students however, ~d Ellfoot City seems a little too and caffeine junkies and pe~haps the occa- close to home, you can always try one of the sional mime. · · ·coffee houses in Fell's Point. Funk's Auto~

The wonderful smell of freshly roasted cratic Coffee Regime on Eastern Avenue is a coffee greets you upon entering Riverside. gr(fat place to relax with your frienqs, due to While big coffee chains may smell nice, they. its vast expanse. Three big stories of fun just aren't the same, they lack the quintes- · await, and one of them even houses a pool sential old-fashioned charm of Riverside. table. Funk's is also a good spot for spotting Most chain coffee propriet()rs like Starbucks Homicide cast members. You might be sit­or Donna's conspicuously lack the giant ting at the counter just ordering away and tum roasting machine found in Riverside. You see, around and see Pembleton, after a cup o' joe this Ell~cot City ~stablishment is dedicated for himself. More Homicide connections are to "serving [their] cy.stomers the freshest cof- to be found at the Daily Grind, down by the fee possible." And Riversiqe employe~s water in Fell's Point. would like to stress that you really shouldn't Also in Haltimo-re, on Charles Street, is the w~ste your oest .Starbucks lingo on them be- - trag~cally hip One World Cafe. This cozy little cause they don 't speak Starbucks. establishment offers a quiet and creatively

Another distinctively Riverside quality is stimulating atmosphere where you can go by the wall of in-house created art work located yourself and write or do whatever it is that to the left of the entrance. Riverside employ- you do without feeling uncomfortable. Or, ees are more than just-bubbly and vivacious grab a buddy and take advantage of One caffeine peddlers, they're also creative and World's one pool table. talented artists. And, if you find their art work A place to avoid when the coffee demon good enough to purchase, chances are you possesses you is Planet X in far -away Col­can because many of the wc:irks are for sale. lege Park. Careful readers of the Retriever

In addition to such original decorations, Weekly will already have received this warn­Riverside offers a wide variety of coffee and ing. Planet X, for those of you who know espresso drinks as well as food and desserts: little about astronomy, is located in the gal­The menu includes sandwiches, platters, axy of {)v:erpriced Crap and orbits the star of stuffed pitas, quiche and soups, and they keep Why is This Trendy? The ·inhabitants of

· their prominent display ~ase stocked with Planet X are egregiously stupid, and earth tantalizing muffins, cakes.and pastries. Fel- people beware, time moves very slowly on low students take note: Riverside is your Planet X.

Whether the drinks must be alcoholic or not (301) 490-1993 u d. . ... th remains unspecified. But, since the 10 ounce _. Come~y Factory (Light,St.): ( 410) 752-4189 n er e

FROM ACTIVITIES, PAGE 14 upstairs, Globe Brewing Company on Key Highway - (410) 347-7964 mmm, beer;

. Champion Billiards Cafe & Brewery in Towson's Perring Plaza__; (410) 655-7500 wow, it's open 24 hours, serves food, alco­

,,._ hol and coffee and has pool tables, Top Hat -Cue Club in Parkville - ~( 410) 665-1906 they , sell two dollar hot dogs, wahoo! and Edgar 's

_ on Pratt Street in the Inner Harbor - ( 410) 752-8080 ritzy and pricey:

·o In the mood for a good laugh? Go to a local comedy club and maybe even discover the next Eddie Murphy or Jerry Seinfeld. It's a lot ch~aper than seeing someone who has already made a name for hiin or herself, and the comedian(s) may be at least mildly amus­ing. Check review for listings of comedy clubs. -

D If you're a night person and you just can't seem to catch the movies you want to see during their regular seven and nine o'clock presentations, try going to a late night show-

. ing. On the 'weekends Towson Commons of­fers a fair variety of movies starting belween 11 and 12 pm, and they're always much less crowded than the earlier times. Call ( 410) 444-FILM for specific listings. D Grab that designated driver and head for the closest watering hole. ~ars are always a great. place to meet interesting new people and renew your faith in the downfall of the human species. For some ideas of where to go, check o~t our review.

OK, that about does it for ideas of thrilling ways to spend your evening on the town. Hope you find something that tickles your fancy.

PAGE16 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES April 7, 1998

SGA s-u-lletin Board FYI fro01 the

SGA: · I J The SGA Annual Budgetary 1 Process is rapidly entering its

final stage - in two weeks, the Fiscal Year 1999 budget is coming up for vote on April 13, 1998. All are welcome to at­tend. There are still some seats ope!) in the Senate! If you think that you may wish to join the SGA in serving the students of UMBC, please stop by the of-fice at any time and talk with a Senator. If any student organi-. zation or student has any .con­cerns or feedback about the SGA, please feel free to stop by the SGA office and speak to a senator or a cabinet officer. Thank you very much~ _

Calendar of Events: Tuesday4n:

6:00pm 7:30pm lO:OOpm

Wednesday 4/8:

12:00pm

l:OOpm

6:30pm 7:30pm -

lO:OOpm

Thursday 4/9:

7:3opin

8:00pm

Friday 4/10:

.l :OOpm

4:00pm

Saturday 4/11 :

9:30 am 8:00pm 10:00pm

Black Student Union - Rathskellar SEB Film: "Amistad" - LH 2 SEB Film: "Amistad" - LH 2

-. Arnis Demo - Plaza Stage International Cafe - Retriever Grill · Black Student Union Mass Meeting - LH 2 Community Outrea'ch, Habitat for Human:ity - SS 111 Lutheran Campus Ministry Bible Study - MP 102 Pre-Med Society Meeting-CP 210 Psi Chi Meeting - SS 101 _ The Reiriever Weekly FunFest _:_UC Plaza- - ,, SEB Quiz ~owl Practice -'- SS 108 Tau Beta Pi Meeting - CP 207 PC User's Group - UC Ballroom Lounge ~

· Fireside Discussion, Ba'hai .club- UC 312 · SEB Film: "Amistad" - LH 2 SEB Film: "Atnistacl"·- LH 2

Prime Time, IVCF - Sus Community Room Agape Student Ministry - FA 215 UMBC v. Oxford Debate Exhibition ~ UC Ballroo]Jl

Baptist Campus Ministry Bible ·Study - MP 105 Muslim Students Assoc. Friday' Prayers - 'LH 2 Nat'l Society of Black Engineers Meeting - LH 5 SEB Quiz Bowl Practice - SS 108 Chess Club Meeting- UC 312

Chess Club Training Session -ACIV 210 Musical Performance - Retriever Grill

Black Student Union - UC Ballroom Lounge

Legislative Action: The following bills were voted on during the last SGA Senate meeting on March 30, 1998. L065-9798 Probation ,of lndie Rock Kids Club (Sponsor: Derrick Longo)

Passed by Senate (17 For, 1 Opposed, 1 Abstaining) on March 30, 1998

Signed by the SGA President on April 2, 1998 SA-009 .. 9798 Senate Procedural Rules Amendment regarding Definition of Quorum (Sponsor: Derrick Longo) ·

This amendment defines quorum as "half of the vot-ing members plus one. " · Failed by Senate ( 1 For, 16 Opposed, 3 Abstaining)' on March 3.0, 1998 Signed by the Speaker of the SGA Senate on April 1, 1998 · SA-010-9798 Senate Procedural Rules Amendment regarding Requi_red Language for Amendments (Sponsor: Derrick Longo)

This amendment requires the author of Constitutional/ Bylaws or Standing Rules amendments to insert a clause reminding senators that the .amendment requires a 2-week reading period.

Passed _by-Senate (18 For, 0 Opposed, 2 Abstaining) on March 30, 1998 Signed by the SGA President on April 2, 1998 SA-011-9798 SGA Student Organizatio~ Recogni­tion and Registration Policy Amendment regarding Registration (Sponsor: Derrick Longo)

This amendment changes the SORRP policy, direct­ing student organizations to submit Network Registra­tion Forms to the SCA rather than to Student Activi­ties.

Passed by Senate ( 17 For, 0 Opposed, 3 Abstaining) on March 30, 1998 Signed by the SGA President on April 2, 1998 SA-012-9798 SGA Student Organization Recogni­tion and Registration Policy Amendment regarding Ratification and Amendments (Sponsor: Derrick Longo)

This amendment changes the SORRP to match the language of the SCA ConstitutiofzlBylaws regarding amendments.

Passed by Senate (16 For, 1 Opposed, 3. Abstaining) on March 30, 1998 Signed by the SGA President on April 2, 1998

Complete copies of all ~GA Legislation, Resolutions, Constitutional Amendments, and Standing Rules

· . Amendments are kept on file in the SGA Office and are available for public review at ~!1Y time.

6:00 pm !?elta Phi Epsilon Sorority Chapter Meeting - FA 306

l :00 pm Henna Hand Painting, MSA - UC BallroomLounge Caribbean American Student Assoc. Meeting - SS 108 Encounter, Baptist Campus Ministry - UC 314 IFC Business Meetings - SS 107 McNair Scholars Program - SS 101 Spanish Club - ACIV 010

7:00 pm Lambda Chi Alpha Meeting - UC 312

Clubs and organizations may submit items to be included in the calendar of events to the SGA Office (UC 205) before 12:00pm on the Wednesday prior to any Retriever Weekly issue. Times and dates are subject to change, so contact the sponsoring organization to· verify events. Contact informa­tion is available in the SQA Office. Organizations noti~g errors are re" quested to contact the SGA Office with corrected information as soon as

ossible.

----·-·'- ------ ----------......__ . .,... ...... __________ ·-------- ---- - ____ ____,.__ --- -.. \. ... ·- . . ... . ... \.

THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES April 7, 1998 PAGE 17

Taking a Chance with America FROM TARASSOVA, PAGE 11

lated into EngHsh everyone's birth certificate, my school diploma and transcript and my brother 's, my parents' university diplomas and drivers' licenses, my father 's military papers, the list of his scientific works in theo­retical physics, my mother's music school diploma and her seamstress certificate. I ob­tained recommendations from my English grammar and lingui~tl'cs instructors, a state­ment of my chess activities from the official of the Russian Chess Federation, and a state­ment of my aerobics activities.

It was a good typing experience - in school I didn't type because most of the as­signments and tests were oral. Tue English professor corrected the translations and cer­tified them. The trans~ations together with the completed forms and the copies of the origi­nal documents made a solid package.

This time we didn't trust the postal service

- we'd heard that letters going out of the country were often opened. Kazan, thecity where we lived, is situated in the central part of Russia, and although it has a population of over 1,000,000 people, its airport is small, with international flights only to Turkey, Egypt and United Arab Emirates. To send the document package, we had only the option to take it to the Moscow international airport Sheremetievo II and give it to a U.S.-bound stranger to deliver. It was good that we didn' t have to risk giving the package to an un­known person, after all. Right at that tid, on May 3, I went to Dusseldorf to play for the Solingen Chess team (which paid for the trip) and sent the package from there.

My family didn't have any real immigra­tion plans at this point. We have no relatives in the U.S. except maybe some chess play­ers, some Russian emigrants living in Brook­lyn, New york, and my brother's friends from

Need Help? Ask-a-Nurse CHRISTINA SABATO

Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff

Saturday, 2:23 a.m . Your headache pounds and your fever rages. Your nose drips. Your joints ache. You can't sleep.And you can' t go to Student Health Services (SHS) until 8:00 Monday morning. What to do? Ask a nurse.

The Helix Telehealth Center offers Ask­A-Nurse, a 24-hour hotline for callers to ask health-related questions and receive an­swers from registered nurses. Also avail­able at th is number is an extensive AudioHealth Library, which provides re­cordings of information on a wide variety of topics, including fopd allergies, cancer, earaches, arthritis, meningitis, and chicken . pox, among others.

But the real beauty of the Ask-A-Nurse system is its human touch - it allows call­ers to talk with real people about medical concerns, no matter how personal or tech­nical their problems are, no matter how late

the hour. Also, Ask-A-Nurse offers the op­tion of anonymity, which is difficult to achieve with SHS. And Ask-A-Nurse is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week - sometimes sickness and ~nor injuries don' t wait until business hours to strike.

Helix began the Ask-A-Nurse service in 1991 to help ;:>rovide telephone access to its health services. The calls are initially answered by resource specialists, who col­lect information from the callers and then direct each caller to one of the center's 15 specially-trained registered nurses, who helps the caller with the problem or refers them to an emergency service.

Ask-A-Nurse requires no appointments; neither does SHS between 8 a.m. and 9:45 a.m. But Ask-A-Nurse can' t write a pre­scription, authorize a sick tray, or take care of a sprain. And the Ask-A-Nurse program can' t provide perhaps the most crucial ser­vice for the college-aged -- it cannot write . notes to e_xcuse sick students from missed classes. Call ( 410) 529-7600 to ask a nurse.

New People, New Places FROM CHEN, PAGE 11

own college education at the University of Maryland at College Park. I had seen what he had to go through but I was still pretty clueless about this whole college experience. Sure, I absorbed as much American culture as I could while in Taiwan, like Calvin and Hobbes, McDonald's, Michael Jordan, Reader's Di­gest, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Bon Jovi, Eddie Murphy, skateboarding ·and Beverly Hills 90210 (hey, we didn't have much, okay?). I kept up with what I remembered and what my sisters knew -- they were older arid wiser so I learned a lot from them.

The orientation group was pretty small since it was already halfway into the '94-'95 school year, so I sat there trying to understand ex­actly what I was to expect for the next couple of years. One program was about self defense and l expected a crash course in martial arts, but it turned out to be a lesson in how to say "no." Needless to say, I was disappointed when I found out. I met a guy named Steve who was pretty cool, with whom I ate mashed potatoes and chicken nuggets (good whole­some American food) at the dining hall later. Steve disappeared about a year later - only to resurface when T took a summer class and lived on campus for six weeks, blit that's an-

other story. By the time dinner was over I had two ways

to spend my evening: a free movie at Lecture Hall II or a Super Bowl party in the lounge of Susquehanna 3rd South. I thought it would be a great idea to at least meet my fellow resi­dents so I opted for a night of football. What 1 found was beyond my expectations: the infa­mous Susquehanna 3rd South Gathering. About 15 people comprised of freshmen, sophomores, juniors and seniors were already assembled in the lounge when t walked ner­vously in. Everybody knew each other and were engaged in their normal group activities (playing spades, Magic, watching the Super Bowl, etc.) while I sat myself down in a cush­ion chair and kept my mouth shut, observing all the American cul ture being displayed around me.

Actually I hadn't the slightest idea what to do or say, only responding briefly to the occa­sional introduction -- until two of the- nicest people I've ever met, Laura and Mark, decided to ask me what toothpaste I used. By the end of that night I had talked, laughed, shared and finally begun to realize that being in college wasn't so hard to get used to after all when you're having fun - no matter where you're from.

Liberty Hill, Texas, who did missionary work i:n Kazan for a few summers. My family had enough money saved for plane tickets from Mos~ow to New York; that's all. My father's monthly salary of $30 was enough to live for a month in a central Russian city such as Kazan. To earn money for emigration, my father quit lecturing physics at the Kazan Chemical Technological University and started. a business.

In September, another batch of forms came · - in my name only - with instructions to tum them in to the American Embassy in Moscow. I was also told to change my in­country passport to an emigration one. In­country passports are the main and often the only acceptable form of identification in Rus­sia, as not'many people o_wn cars or have driver's licenses. In Russia, each person is signed into an apartment where he or she lives (most apartments are state-owned). Each Russian his or her address stamped in the passp0rt: -

To receive an emigration passport, I signed out of the apartment where my family lived and out of the medical hospital (each Rus­sian is signed into a state hospital where he or she can get free medical assistance). Then, I exchanged my regular passport for the im­migration one. I was a foreigner in my na­tive country.

After 13 hours on an express train from Kazan; I arrived in Moscow. There, a line of about 200 people zigzagged in front of the American Embassy. Most of the people were applying for U.S . travel visas. I was glad not to stay in line, but to go directly into the build­ing to the department that works with the Green Card (ResidentAlien) Lottery Winners.

"What are you going to do in U.S.?" the ambassador asked me.

"Work," I replied. "Do you have friends then~.?"

"I've met Garry Kasparov (the Chess World Champion) who directs the chess school in New York," I ventured.

"Approved." He stamped my papers. Up until this moment, the whole thing

seemed like a game to me: filling in the blanks, answering the questions. Now, i was holding my visa package and diversity sta­tus (to be opened by the U.S. Naturalization Service). I thought, "What am I actually go­ing to do in the U.S.? Work in a store? Will I survive?" It was as though I had a non-re-

. funqabJe ticket to the NBA finals-I'm not a basketball fan; I didn' t know what to ex­pect.

Many people, such as the Jewish, waited for years to get their U.S . refugee visas. Many went to the U.S. and worked illegally. I didn ' t throw away my ticket ... I didn ' t.

Math that Doesn't Frighten FROM MATH FUN, PAGE 11

said Conrad Cornelius O' Donald O'Dell So now I know everything anyone knows from -beginning to end. From the start to

the close because Z is as far as the Alphabet goes. Then he almost fell flat on his face on the

floor When I picked up the chalk and drew one

letter more A letter he never had dreamed of before And I said, "You can stop, if you want, with

theZ Because most people stop with the Z But not me. In the places I go there are things that I see That I never could spell if I stopped with

theZ I'm telling you this 'cause you'r~ one of

my friends -My alphabet starts where your alphabet

ends. (from here on, Dr. Gross) Numbers and patterns and shapes of all

kinds Will help you think clearly and sharpen

your minds So let's all agree not to stop at just Z

But climb higher and higher up the logical tree.

Try to relax and stay calm and serene and we'll visit some places you never have

seen They may seem at first glance to be strange

and abstract But in fact, as you'll see they are precise

and exact Sure, there may be some pain and frustra­

tion too But how else can you learn things so ex- v

citing and new." So, you see, faithful readers, you have no

excuse. Fulfill your requirements and-I'm not the poet here, Gross is. Gross will have been an educator for 30 years this Septem­ber.

He believes that this class is more acces­-sible to Liberal arts majors due to its' em­phasis on less conventional teaching meth­ods: innovation, creation and choosing dif­ferent ways to look at things.

His wish is to get the students to be origi­nal thinkers, to completely exorcise their ha­tred towards math. "I don't think I've oblit­erated it yet," he muses, "but rve softened the hatred.'

1~• ~ ·~,,,.,,., .. ; ... ,~

:..: •, -. J

PAGE18 THE RETRIEVER ·wEEKLY ·FEATURES · Ap~ril 7~ .. 1998

MULTIETHNIC JOB FAIR

s:_ .~ --~-----

Wednesday, April 8; 1998 12:00-3:30 p.m.

University Center Ballroom

For a list of participating employers, check CD&P's homepage (http://www.umbc.edu/cdp)

after March 23th

SPONSORED BY

UMBC CAREER DEVELO~MENr AND PLACEMENT CENTER

MP 204, <4 I OJ 455-22 I 6.

..

_. "·

'THE ~~ MAS 8fl:lil ~S "T\o4\S wE•tc. "ft)OA't l'T fll'tN8~ ,..._ /l tal£F t'Gt,c.D, AN• ~ uP A\. l ._.,AS \llAuc,,_.. #IC£0U A PA£tc•Ner a.o1" • °fl.t£ S~l.L Of SPfllNC. ..s· '"' '1146 II« - IONll.Ell) A•IL, c;oo11... 9'£EZ.E. ~r> "'~..,,. ASrtuu •• 'T · faU1'L.S IA"t fUP•fl.01'.S C:O.INGr U"''*"'E WHE"' I WAS A "''I>.

SUMMER SCHOOL fOR PEOPLE ON THEIR WAY TO THE TOP.

If you didn't sign up for ROTC as a freshman

develop the leadership skills and self-co;nfi-

or sophomore, you can dence you nee·d to catch up this summer by succeed in college and attending Army ROTC beyond. And you may Camp Challenge, a paid qualify for advanced five-week course in I officer training when leadership. you return to campus

Apply now! You'll next fall. ~

ARMY Ran: THE SMARTEST COWGE COURSE 100 CD DXE

For details, call Johns Hopkins Army ROTC at 516-4683

THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES . · April 7, 1998 ·PAGE·19

ARTs&ENTERTAINMENT Danger, Moviegoers! Lost in _Space ls, Well, Lost in Space

JAMIE PECK Retriever Weekly Staff Writer

The summer movie sea,son gets off to a premature start this year with the early April release of Lost in Space, a sloppy remake of the futuristic 1965-68 television series (which, ironically, was set in I 997) and New Line Cinema's bid for franchise paradise. Upcoming installments, if any, had better be stronger than this one.~After a decent set-up and a following 40 minutes or so that's con-

. siderable amusement, Lpst in Space gets stranded with a bunch oi"'hokey ridiculous­ness involving time portals, mutant spiders and older versions of several cast members; what starts off as slick, mindless entertain­ment slowly develops an irritating case of intrusive family values. If the first half of Lost in Space is satisfying junk food, then every­thing thereafter is an overstuffed club sand­wich - one loaded with ham and cheese.

In 2058, Earth is sustaining itself by branching out into the cosmos·, . and one fam­ily is selected to play a key role in the colonization process. They are the Robinsons - Professor John (Williain Hurt), his wife Maureen (Mimi Rogers) and their children Judy (Heather Gra­ham), Penny (Lacey Chabert) and Will (Jack Johnson) - and . the intended plan is for them, along with gung..:ho pilot Major Don West (Matt LeBlanc), to board the spacecraft Jupiter _2 and make a many-year journey to the distant planet Alpha.Prime. 9flce there, the crew will establish some sort of portal that wil] allow Earthlings to make the jump to Alpha Prime in no time. But thanks to villainous saboteur and stowaway Dr. Smith (Gary. Oldman) and

his Global Sedition co­horts, things don't quite go so smoothly. Around a half-day into the flight, the Jupiter 2 is thrown off course. When every­one comes to, they're in a foreign place in.an un­specified time, and must find their way back home or remain lost in space forever.

-· New Line Cinema

In patches, Lost in Space is as glibly fun as a video game. Director Stephen Hopkins (tliat awful killer-lion flick The Ghost and the Darkness) brings the major action sequence~, suiprisingly few though they are, to giddy, pal­pable life. Two extended

William 'Hurt, Heather Graham, Robot, Matt.LeBlanc and Gary Oldman are extended and actual ·members of the Lost in Space family Robinson. -

bits stand out from the eventual blur: the ini-tial siege on the Jupiter 2 by the nameless Robot programmed_ to protect and aid the Robinsons, , and the search through a creepy ghost ship as the movie nears its midsection. That ·Robot (yes, he gets to say the immortal line, "Danger, Will Robinson! Dan­

ger!"), by the way, is a far ~tter way to en­tertain the family audiences than the com­puter-generated Blawp, a cuddly, Gizmo­esque creature the Robinsons pick up on their .trek. The Blawp doesn'teven look like it's sharing the same scen~s With the human ·ac­tors, but most ofthe other special effects work nicely, especially the movie's sleek sets.

The interesting ensemble cast is partially .

ill-used. Oldman always makes a good pad· guy, and his_ Lost in Space work makes one wish that the movie hadn't cut to some spe­cial effect every time his Dr. Smith threatens to become a complex personality. On the plus side, Hurt and Johnson have a realistic fa­ther-and-son chemistry. Matt LeBlanc is es­sentially playing his Friends alter-ego as a hotshot hero (complete with one-liners like, "Okay, last one to kill a bad guy buys the beer!"), but his aloof swagger works, and this movie is, at least, way better than Ed. Mimi Rogers and Heather Graham (Rollergirl from Boogie Nights), lovely and talented though they are, are trotted out whenever a reaction shot is needed; Graham's sexual flirtation with LeBlands never developed and largely feels like wasted time. Spu!)ky Lacey Chabert

(Party of Five) fares the worst, sounding like .she's been sucking on a helium tank while off screen.

Lost in Space was written by Akiva Goldsman, the man behind the script for the w;ry underrated (and surely I can't be the only one to think so) Batman & Robin. He's toned down the series' high camp factor in place of a dark, more sinister edge, which serves the first 60 minutes of the movie well. But Lost in Space's murky tone and visuals just don't mesh with part two's elongated family therapy session. This year's first official sum­mer release is a botched one, with too many distractions and flaws to even rank as pleas­ing eye-candy - a big no-no as far as sea­sonal movies are concerned. As Robot might say, "Danger, moviegoers! panger!"

t : . - -·- --- - -- _._ ---- ------ - ----- _ ____ _! .---------:- -- ~ ------:-: =-= -_-4~---==-=-----=--=-=----= .:::---...:_-..: .::...=;.-::.: -::::...::..==-.:: =-=...:::..:.:=..::....::...:_:::__- --=-=~-=-=-~ t _.::..-_-;:..,2 :·:......-:..:-..::.=-:_-.:~ .:_-:.:...=.=:=..:-==----=-=..=:-=-==-=-=--=-=-=------ - -- ------ - - - - - - ---

.PAGE20 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY . FEATURES

MerCury Rising Falters Only Stars Shine in Manipulative Thriller

YOUNG LEE Retriever Weekly Staff Writer

in cold blood by an assassin down- . stairs while Simon is playing with his

· toys upstairs. Autistic people tend to have heightened Whenever the movie needs sus-

senses. A gentle touch to most can hurt or pense, the script has the kid walking shock them; noises that don't bother normal in front of traffic or train or rooftop people can bring sharp pain to.their ears. This · ledge. And the scenes of Simon can explain why autistics tend to avoid so- throwing emotional tantrums manage cial situations - what seems like a normal to produce both unintentional laugh­everyday activity to most of us ca~ be a fright- ter and guilt for unintentionally laugh­ening experience with the threat of sensory ing at such a serious matter, which is overload always looming over them. But this both annoying and agonizing. There also explai'!s the experience of watching Mer- are also inconsistencies in Simon's cury Rising, a thriller that bombards the behavior, most notably what the kid ~ewer with cheap shock tactics does in the climax to help

· / and a ridiculous story that is dif- Art out. · ficult to sit through. The movie.'s por-

Bruce Willis plays Special FBI tray al of governmen-t Agent Art Jeffries, who, by fate, agencies as bad guys becomes the protector of Simon seems more ridiculous (Miko Hughes), a nine-year-:-old than ever, whether it's the autistic savant child and the in- superiors of the FBI advertent target of assassins after he deci- (who, in the opening scene of the phers a two billion dollar top secret code._sys- _ movie, unjustly make Jeffries the tern known as the Mercury. This technology, scap~goat of a botched undercover designed by the National Security Agency, operation in South Dakota and de­serves to protect American espionage opera- mote him -to routine assignments) or tions around the world by ensuring no com- Nicholas Kudrow and his assassins promises in confidential communications. (who seem perfectly at ease with the They are up against Lt. Colonel Nicholas idea of eliminating a child for the sake Kudrow (Alec Baldwin), the NSA official of national security). Baldwin does a who heads the Mercury Project and who is competent job with his villain role, determined to use whatever means necessary even if it is so two-dimensional that to protect the code which he has made his it makes his Malice turn as a sinister career. doctor look like a morally upright citi-

~ril7, 1998

Based on the novel Szmple Simon by Ryne zen in comparison. He is a talented, Douglas Pearson, and directed by Harold underrated actor (The Hunt for Red Becker (Sea of Love and the awfully hilari- October and Glengarry Glen Ross), ous Malice), Mercury Rising falls into the trap but he continues to puzzle with his of being a painful groaner from its serious unlucky streak in taking on bad

· Universal Pictures treatment of an ill-conceived story, one that projects (The Juror, Heavens Prison-actually sees potential in constantly (and, ers and Ghosts of Mississippi, any- Bruce Willis and Miko Hughes run froa:n the bad guys in Mercury Rising.

quite often, offensively) putting an autistic one?). child in danger. Mistaking tastelessness for The only saving grace of the movie is shocking thrills, the plot comes up with one Bruce Willis, who, by now, can do the inel­detestable moment after another, especially ancholy hero thing in his sleep. Whether he's the scene where Simon's parents are executed talking to his friend and partner Tommy (Chi

McBride) or his potential love interest and tagalong Stacey (Kim Dickens), Willis' Jeffries succeeds in bringing just enough cynicism and vulnerability to his despondent character; it reminded me of his performance

in 12 Monkeys. And his interactions with Simon makes his attachment to the little boy seem genuine and touchirig. If only the movie's script could have made an effort to have a similar effect.

- -.. -- -· ---~----.. ------------- -- --~-- --..._--------·-~-~---~_..,--------~--~~---......... ----- .,..,.------ -- ,.-- - ---

. , THE RETRIEVER ,WEEKLY . . ·- ... . ~; :· 4~-:. -{ i' ·~ ...... :. _, : ~ . . ~:.: : ~ . .. . ·- .. · .

G .. L. ht . ·. r_:ellse ·1g ·. _· n1ng·· .. Musifal Lo~de~ ·With ·Moyie Magic

~~v-.-

., ·" JAMIE PECK · Retriever Weekly Staff Writer

Those print and television ads trumpeting that "Grease is still the word" are right on

· ship, but Danny's too cool a cat to fall for her wholesome appeal in . front of his T-Bird buddi~s (including Jeff Conaway) . So Sandy hooks up with a gang herself - the Pink Ladies, headed by sassy, sexy Rizzo (Stockard Channing, just superb as an inde­pendent woman well ahead of her time) -and Danny, who still really feels love for her, attempts a .,.com­promise of ideals in order to win her back.

The drag race finale

_,, , PAGE21

Paramount Pictures

' the money. 'To celebhtte its 20th anniversary, this quintessential movie musical is getting the royal treatment reserved for classics like Star Wars - a well-deserved, red-carpet rerelease. That's fantastic, · especially when considering of all-the classic characters and scenes the fihn .!}as served up -::-- who can forget aspiring beautician Frenchie (Didi Conn) being serenaq~d by her tell-it-like-it­is guardian al).gel (Fi-ankie Avalon)? Or the hard-nosed principal (Eve Arden) reminding the student body to "be an athletic supporter" by rooting for the home team? Or National Bandstand emcee Vince Fontaine (Edd Byrnes) fluting with Marty (a pre-Empty Nest Dinah Manhoff)? And these are all probably considered minor moments ...

A very skinny John Travolta and a very young Olivia Newton­J ohn have the respective leads of Danny Zuko and Sandy Olsson, and their pairing still ranks as one of screendom's most efferves­cently charming. For those eight

is yet something of a --... drag, and

I never

John Travolta, center, reminisces about his "Summer Nights" with fellow T-Birds Kelly Ward 1

Barry Pearl and Jeff Conaway in Grease's first big musical number.

of you who aren't familiar with the story, here's a brief recap: Greaser bad boy Danny and Aussie good girl Sandy are reunited for their 1959 senior year at Rydell High after a brief fling during the summer; both thought she was going to return to her native conti­nent before schocl started, but both were wrong. Sandy tries to rekindle their relation-

have thought much of "Greased Lightning," the film's big "guy" number (that choreography -ack!), but Grease's flaws amount too few to carp. The movie's first showpiece is "Summer Nights,"

where Danny and Sandy separately recount wildly different versions of their fun-in-the­sun romance. Not only is "Nights" tremen­dously catchy, but it's also a smart look at how men and women see the same events with varying eyes.

There has yet to be a live:action musical sequence that rivals the one-two punch of

THE UMBC ·ENGLISH DEPARTMENT ·woULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS

OPPORTUNITY TO ANNOUNCE THE RECIPIENTS OF THE 1998 ENGLISH

DEPARTMENT AWARDS.

• CONGRATULATIONS

Robert G. Shedd Award for Excellence in English

Outstanding Contributions in English

Malcolm C. Braly Prize for Fiction

Malcolm C. Braly Prize for Poetry

Journalism Prize

Alumni Award

Gabrielle E. James David A. Scheraga

Carolyn E. Danckaert Richard D. Kemp

Buffy "Maria" Baldridge

Agnes Osinski .

James R. Peck

Jennifer Stallings

•

·-~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~-'••

~~ ·•· ~~

"You're the One That I Want" and "We Go Together," Grease's euphoric capper~. All this and some of the most pleasing moments come

f rom the smaller, quieter moments; the Os­car-nominated "Hopelessly Devoted to You" is a lovely showcase for Newton-John, and Channing's lamenting ballad "There Are Worse Things I Could Do" is one of Grease's most unjustly overlooked tunes.

The soundtrack is remastered (though Travolta still hits that awful high note at the end of "Nights") and the restored widescreen allows us to see previously pan-and-scanned­out choreography, but nothing else has

changed - no computer-generated back­grounds, no outtakes or new musical num­bers, no Jabba the Hutt c'1!11eos. And it's a· testament to Grease's timeless success that nothing needs to be changed- it's the samt: all-around blast it's always been, with an ap­pealing cast in a fun story told with great music. To '90s viewers, Grease will prob­ably recall disco and bellbottoms as much a~

it made its original audience nostalgic fo1 doo-wop and poodle skirts. But regardless 01

what decade it transports us to, we can aJ; agree on one thing - without a doubt, Greasl: is still the word.

Afraid to go out at night?

Can't go for a walk after dusk?

If you' are concerned for your safety ...

-_

then join the campus conversation . featuring Sue Riseling. Chief of Police

University of Wisconsin-Madison

Campus Safety and the lmPact on Campus Climate for Women ~ &, tAe, ~~,~ e~f»- WM111Alt

Wednesday, April 8, 1998 3:00-4:30 p.m.

:: Retriever Grill Meeting RC?om

F,ACUL TY, STAFF, STUDENTS

This affects all of us. Please join our conversation.

''I" Tlf' I~'''/,/ • .!J

PAGE22 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY

Bizarre Love Triangle Wild's Twisted Party of Three Amuses

JAMIE PECK Retriever Weekly Staff Writer

Jerry Springer has absolutely nothing on Wild Things. John McNaughton's flashy, trashy thriller tackles more tawdry topics in under two hours than Springer's notoriously sleazy talk show broadcasts in two weeks. Oversexed to a fault (remember, what we don' t see is far more suggestive and effec­tive than what we do), Wild Things plays like something you'd find late-~ight on Cinemax

. or the USA network, only talent is involved. It'd best be labeled as a throwaway guilty

_.pleasure, but the very fact that the movie knows it's a thowaway guilty pleasure im­mediately distinguishes it from attaining that disposable rank. Amidst all of the catfights, ploL twists and general campiness, there 's wicked fun to be had. Watching Wild Things' enormously tangled story unfold is undeniably diverting.

movie if it didn't grind to a halt for the purpose of pure titillation so often. A much­tal ked- about hotel room menage-a-trois . between three key characters is solely there to put butts in the seats, and is therefore completely superfluous. It ' s also cut shorter and contains less nu­dity than the movie ' s core audience - horny teenage guys - would probably like. Also unnecessary is Kevin Bacon, playing a humorless detective investigating the Lombardo case , going the full monty in a shower scene.

FEATURES April 7, 1998

The "wild things" of the title are a pair of very different Blue Bay high school students, pretty, popular Kelly Van Ryan (Denise Richards) and bitter, rebellious Suzie Toller (Neve Campbell) . Kelly, whose family name is among the Florida yachting enclave's most prominent, has a major crush on guidance counselor Sam Lombardo (Matt Dillon), an attraction that leads her to seductively slink into his house after washing his jeep one weekend for a class fundraiser. The follow­ing day, a shaken, distraught Kelly claims that Sam raped her. Suzie comes forward with similar accusations, but Sam maintains his innocence. However, when the case goes to court, a witness stand revelation and the en­suing reaction uncover a barrage oflies, false faces and double-crosses.

It's an example of an actor going to extreme lengths (no pun intended) for no real reason, espe­cially consider­ing Bacon's role

feels simultaneously under­developed and overwritten.

Mandalay Entertainment

Neve Campbell and Denise Richards, two sides of Wild Things' twisted love triangle: They ain't callin' Loveline.

Wild Things could have been a better, tauter

Some non-sexual but still highly question­able and largely disposable (at least once the movie's cards are all on the table) sequences involve Theresa Russell, just plain laughable as Kelly's mom, and Rent's Daphne Rubin­Vega, struggling with a needless role as Bacon's tagalong partner.

What overshadows Wild Th ings' occa~ sional tendency to give us more than we asked for is an engaging chain of surprises (some predictable, some not) ,that never seems to end. Wild Things has more twists than a crate full of corkscrews, and most are so gleefully, over-the-top nasty that you can' t help but be charmed by their absurd showmanship. A

PLIES LAST. No PuRc#

EES OF DIMENSION FILMS,

·~· .· ·· ...... .... · ... ·~· .. ··· .. ·.···· ···; .: .. 8' .. . . . · . ··.·· .·· .• ·· .. . ··· N . . .. . . . · . . · · ... ... 1 .. . . - - - ' ~ . . - ' ' . . ; .

O PEN S

f.>IJ~~·.; ,~~·-~.

great deal of amusement also comes from watching Bill Murray in a supporting part as Lombardo's hilariously fraudulent lawyer; he's .a stitch, especially when pulling up be- · side the Van Ryan limo after wi nning Lombardo' s case and flipping them off. And don ' t leave when the closing credits hit the screen, or you' ll miss the film's best part­four. bonus flashbacks that smooth over plot holes while offering a few more tiny turns, plus a final denouement that caps everything off with a great stunner of a bombshell.

Speaking of bombshells, Denise Richards, who plays almost every scene in a blue bi­kini top, does the teen tease thing with a

malicious allure that she was never allowed to flaunt in Starship Troopers. Matt Dillon flexes his sleepy-voiced sex appeal, and pulls off required temperament changes with cha­meleonic precision. Neve Campbell, lovely as ever except when sporting a blon.d wig, gives Suzie a vengeful vulnerability that makes her the most interesting member of the movie ' s main party of three. If Wild Things were re-edited and re-worked in patches, the dynamics between these three actors could have carried the fihn to greater lengths. But what we 're given works ad­equately, since Wild Things is highly enter­taining and, indeed, very wild.

--- - --------- _.._------- ........ ------- ------ ~ ------·- .,.__ ----

Tuesdar., April 7 Twinkle Toes Head down to the Kennedy Center and check out the opening night of Frederic Franklin's fuJJ-length b~let, Coppelia. This one week eng;agement includes Agnes de Mille's Fall River Legend, George Balanchine's Theme and Varia­tions and Sir Frederick Ashton's Les Patineurs. For a complete.performance schedule and additional det~ils , ca11 (202)-467-4600 or TTY (2021-416-8524.

Wednesday, April 8 Combat on Campus There will be an Amis De Mano dem­onstration (the Filipino stick-fighting art) along with dance artists, held from noon to 2 p.IIL on the UC ~laza Stage.

Career Opportunities A Multi-Ethnic Job Fair will be held in the UC Ballroom from noon until 3:30 p.m. Dress professionally and bring plenty of copies of your resume.

, Thursday, April 9 Three Tunes the Fun Bohager' s plays host this eve to three great local bands: The Almighty Sena­tors, Jab Works, and The Kelly Bell Band.

Begging tO Differ UMBC and Oxfonl University face off in a Debate Exhibition at 8 p.m. in the UC Ballroom. Come out and show your support for our kick-ass debate team!

Friday, April 10 The Suns'll Come Ont... New Jersey funk mayvens The Jug­gling Suns make a stop in Baltimore as part of their world tour, at the 8X10 in Federal Hill.

THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY

Greater Expectations The hauntingly beautiful grooves of Mono can be experienced at the 9:30 Club in D.C. this evening. Call (202)-265-0930 for the details.

Contemporary Theater Shakespeare's classic The Merry Wives of Winsor gets a more modern twist as it is set in an American resort circa 1955. Directed by Daniel Fish, this ad­aptation will run through May 10 at the Shakespeare Theatre in D.C. For tick­ets or information, call the box office at (202)-393-2700.

Sunday, April 12 -" More For Your Monet If you haven't already seen it, or even if you have, raise your cultural enlight­enment and check out the exhibit, Monet: Paintings of Giverny from the Musee Marmottan at the Walters Art Gallery. For more information, call the museum at (888)-844-4242.

Hop-Along The Baltimore Zoo presents Bunny Bonanzoo from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. High­lights include photo'-ops with Hoppy the Bunny, stage entertainment, cos­tumed characters, holiday games and crafts and an old-fashioned egg hunt. For details call the zoo at (410)-396-7102.

M~nday, April 13 Cultural Awareness The Muslim Students Association will be demonstrating Henna Hand Paint­ing, from 1 p.m. -to 3 p.m. in the UC Ballroom Lounge, as part of the month- -long International Festival.

Sexual Pride Today also marks the beginning of Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Week, through April 17.

"'\~ '~ ....... 199a j.V,=

ummgr ~gggf'dfl~ at ru!U

~mroor ~ggion I (Jung 1-July 2) Undergraduate and graduate courses in many disciplines

except education.

~mroor ~ggion II (July 6-August6) Undergraduate and graduate courses in many disciplines

except education.

~mroor ~ggion Ill (Jung 22-July 30) Undergraduate and graduate education courses,

for more information f ·

call the Registrar's Offi~,

cda-543-6150

Located on Maryland's Eastern Shore, 30 minutes from Ocean City, MD

-~-- -·- - --------------- --- ----~---- ----· -- - -~,,..-" -·---~-. ',,.. -...

FEATURES April 7, 1998 PAGE23

New Line Cinema

Jackie Chan gives a nose job to an enemy in Sammo Hung's Mr. Nic_e Guy.

No More Mr. Nice Guy? Revamped Jackie Chan Doesn't Quite Do It

YOUNG LEE Anyone who is a Jackie Chan fan knows Retriever Weekly Staff Writer that the plots in all of his movies exist only

to set up his superbly well-choreographed ac-I had the pleasure of seeing Mr. Nice Guy tion scenes that deserve comparisons to

back in August of last year, when a friend of Buster Keaton. No matter how ridiculous and mine was able to obtain the origlnal incoherent the story is, most of Chan's mov­Cantonese version through the Internet. At ies manage to deliver excellent eye-candy that time, it was one of the best Jackie Chan entertainment. Directed by Sammo Hung movies I had ever seen. Then~ a while later, (one of Chan's favorite on-screen partners in it was announced that Mr. Nice Guy would the '70s and early '80s), the Hong Kong ver­get a theatrical release in the U.S. After sion of Mr. Nice Guy is no exception with Chan's last two imports (Jackie Chan's First nine incredible, wall-to-wall action se­Strike and Operation Condor), Mr. Nice Guy quences, including a fight between Lakeisha seemed like the movie that would put him and Diana, another between Jackie (tied up) back on track in satisfying his stateside fans and Giancarlo, a horse drawn carriage chase - all the more reason why it's so sad to re- and a destroy-everything-with-a-gigantic­port that, thanks to the U.S. version's alter- mining-truck finale. But the scene that tops ations, fans will perhaps have to wait until them all is the fight between Jackie and his next film for sue~ a pay-off. Giancarlo where buzzsaws and

Chan stars as, well, Jackie Gust concrete mixers areemployed as like in most of his other films), a weapons of mayhem. beloved Australian television So what goes wrong with - ::--chef who reluctantly helps a re- the U.S. cut? The original ben-porter named Diana (Gabrielle efitted from dark, grainy cinema-Fitzpatrick) expose a ruthless tography, tight editing and a drug lord named Giancarlo (Ri- pulse-pounding soundtrack. The chard Norton). In the movie's opening se- film also had a good balance of serious vio­quence, Diana videotapes a shootout between lence and goofy antics to keep the adrena­Giancarlo's gang and their worst enemy;-The line pumping as the humor rolled. The new Demons, a motorcycle gang in an abapdo-ned - version, however, with its stripped-of-gritti­warehouse. Pursued by the gangsters, Diana ness print, the deletion of some of the more runs into Jackie, who manages to dispatch realistic violence (most likely to secure its all the thugs with his marvelous martial art PG-13 rating) and a rarely-present skills. Of course, the tape actually ends up in soundtrack, comes across more like a kiddie Jackie's possession (only to be misplaced), flick. Now, the construction site action se­and Jackie is now pursued by both quence leaves you with a feeling of, "At least Giancarlo's gang and The Demons, who will that was fun." And with some of his violent stop at nothing to make sure that the it doesn't disposition off screen, Giancarlo doesn't _ _ fall into the wrong (or, in this case, the right) come off as ruthless, removing most of the .-­hands. Luckily, he does get some help frqm tension between him and Jackie. Mr. Nice his friends, including cop Romeo (Vice Guy still ends up being a, watchable romp, Poletto ), television assistant Lakeisha (Karen but it is truly frustrating to know that an at­McLymont), and, of course, Diana. Jackie's tempt to "improve" the film for a stateside girlfriend Miki (Miki Lee), however, man- release ruined a movie that got it right in the ages to get him into constant trouble. first place.

Looking for Love? Two SWM, Charlie (Edward Bums) and Michael (JmrBon Jovi).

Famous, good-looking, all-around nice guys . ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Come see them at a special advance screening of No Looking Back on Thursday, April 9 at RIC Theatres Eastpoint 10.

Come to this Wednesday's FunFesi on the UC Plaza during free hour to pick up your pass good for two and prizes from the film.

Supplies are limited! No purchase necessary.

PAGE24 April 7, 1998

Hampson, Turner Power Dogs to Up~~t .<of #9 Georgetown JOHN MICHAEL MCCRORY

Retriever Weekly Staff Writer

The UMBC Retrievers upset Jinth-ranked Georgetown (4-3), 12-11, on Saturday. The win im­oroved the Retrievers to 4-3 on the ;eason and _ continued UMBC's fominance over the Hoyas, who are_ now 0-9 all-time against the Retrievers.

The game was played at the UMBC Stadium where swirling winds and bitter cold temperatures :ould not keep the Retrievers from playing exceptional lacrosse in their first victory over a ranked opponent this year.

Play began in the game with Georgetown taking a two-goal lead on unassisted goals by Andy Flick and Greg McCavera. UMBC be­gan its scoring at 14:16 in the first period when sophomore midfielder Eric Barger scored a scrappy goal on a rebound from the Hoyas goalie. The Retrievers would then tie the game with only seconds re­maining in the period with a score by sophomore midfielder Tim Hahn following an incredible dodge move by sophomore attackman Dan Marohl.

In the second period, the Re-

Women's Lacrosse Clinch NEC Title

JOHN MISCHKE Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff

Senior Heather Kormanik scored 10 goals and had six· assists in two games as the UMBC women's lacrosse team beat Monmouth and Mount St. Mary's to clinch the Northeast Conference titl~. The Retrievers improved to 4-0 in league play and 5-5 overall with the victories.

UMBC will now look forward · to hosting the NEC tournament, April 25-26, (it home . . This is the first year of women's lacrosse competition in the NEC . and it is the first sport for which UMBC has entered the NEC.

Against Monmouth on Satur­day at UMBC- Stadium, the Re­trievers scored the first nine goals of the game, including four by Kormanik, and never looked back. A late charge by Monmouth, as the Hawks (3-2, 1-1 in league play) scored the last four goals of the game, made the final 13-8 score re-

trievers took a lead that they never relinquished with a goal by sopho­more attackman Jeff Ratcliffe from junior attackman Chris Turner at 3:55. About 30 seconds later, UMBC increased its lead to two goals, when Hahn ripped an inside shot into the net after receiving a crisp pass from Ratcliffe. The two teams then traded two goals, each up and down the field. After UMBC scored its seventh goal, Georgetown's Scott Urick, son of their coach, scored in an extra-man situation as the first half expired. At half time, the Retrievers led 7-5.

In the third period UMBC would build a three-goal lead. Re­triever junior goalie Andrew Hampson was particularly strong as he made many great saves in the second half. For the game, UMBC only allowed two goals out of seven extra man situations for the Hoyas. The final minutes were marked by a furious and futile at­tempt by Georgetown to score, but the Retrievers would not let this one slip away as they went on for the 12-11 victory.

Dave Chen I Retriever Weekly Staff

Junior Chris Turner (left) led the UMBC attack with three goals and three assists.

Seven different Retrievers scored in the first half of play. Leading the scoring in the game

was Turner who had three goals and three assists. Hampson led the way in saves with 19 compared to Georgetown's 13. In extra man situations, UMBC . converted two of four chances.

Samantha Gallin I Retriever Weekly Staff

Senior Heather Kormanik was on a tear last week, tallying 10 goals and six assists in two games, both wins for UMBC.

spectable. Kormanik finished with six

goals and three assists, junior Debbie Krastel had four goals and · freshman goalkeeper Amy Jagoda made 15 saves in goal as the Re­trievers led in shots, 31-24. Three players scored two goals apiece for Monmouth.

was also brilliant, as she tallied four goals and three assists to lead UMBC to-a 22-12 rout over Mount St. Mary's. Freshman Renee Tirocchi also had four goals for the Retrievers, senior Willow Waldrop had three goals, rKrastel had two goals and two assists and ·sopho­more J essaka Phoebus added a goal

Last Wednesday, Kormanik · and three assists.

UMBC Head Coach Don Zimmerman commented on what he believed was the key to the game. "This week in practice we

. fought all week long, and that was our motto," said Zimmerman. "We

had to go and fight and we did all week and the most important thing is we did it tonight."

"It was a great team effort. Our

SEE LACROSSE, PAGE 25

Scorecard Error Costs UMBC First Place

, Wall~o Shoots 76-75 to E_arn Top Individual Honors at Queenstown

JENELLE D' ALLESANDRO Retriever Weekly Staff Writer

A scorecard error cost the UMBC golf team first place over- . all at the Queenstown Harbor In­tercollegiate golf tournament. Af­ter jun· or Sam Corden was dis­qualified when he signed an incor- . rect card, the Retrievers lost by three strokes instead of winning by five. Nevertheless, junior Tim Walko, coming off a shoulder in­jury, emerged t~ take the individual title. Walko shot a seven-over par 76-75 to lead the UMBC men.

As a team the Retrievers were tied with Robert Morris after round one, but they would respond the next day. While Walko went head to head with Bart Mease, Robert Morris' number one player, fresh­man Tom Lynch and junior Ryan Thompson adjusted well to the rag­gedness of Queenstown's freshly aerated greens. Thompson turned in t~o respectable rounds of 78-79, and Lynch shot a 77 on day two.

Unfortunately for the Retriev­ers, junior Sam Corden's consistent execution on the golf course would

tum sour at the conclusion of the 36 hole tournament. After turning in a 77-79, Corden made a care­less mistake in signing a false scorecard. The strict rules of golf dictate that such a mistake must disqualify that competitor's score. Sadly for the Retrievers, the over­look was on a hole in which Corden' s scorer marked him for a birdie, when'·in fact he made a par. However, only Corden checked the final score, whicn was marked cor­rectly, then signed the scorecard.

Although UMBC coach Pat Kotten was unhappy with the er­ror, he "feels like we won ... and the tournament won't affect the rankings". , ,

Kotten noted that the Retriev­ers were playing without their number two player, freshman Will Repath, who is out with an injured right arm and that the Retrievers played very well in spite of bumpy aerated greens.

"Timmy's win should boost his confidence in preparation for the Loyola tournament at Hunt Valley, his home course," remarked Kotten of Walko 's win. "We ' ll press on to Loyola."

---- ----~ .....,.... ... ----.--~ ,__ ....:-.. "::--:.--:.-- ... :.""""''-.--- - .----.-.-.-. ~· ~-.--... .. --_ ' ,--,,....------ --·- - . .,--, ., - -- ,.,,, ~- - - - -

THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY SPORTS April 7, 1998 PAGE25

TAKE IT· OR LEAVE IT BY CHRIS KERNER

Birds are Flying High, Hopefully Won't Get Shot Down Baltimore is buzzing with talk of the

Orioles winning tqeir first World Series since 1983. The exci~ment about this team can be seen all around the city, especially after the O's 5-1 start to the 1998 cam­paign. This overwhelming support and confidence has led me to wonder if the fans are jumping a little too far ahead, after all this is the team that lost to the Indians in the ALCS last year.

the-Year Davey Johnson because of his tiff Myers led the league in saves last year while with owner Peter Angelos. After all, Johnson only blowing one the entire season. His re-only led the O's ward was to to a 98-64 beshippedoff record last year "That move made per/ ect sense, to Toronto

as well as a first replacing the best closer in the game with (albeit for $6 round playoff million a series win over the one guy who cost Balnmore a chance year) and re-

the Seattle. to be in the World Series when he threw placed by

Mistake num- a slider that Tony Fernandez cranked A rm a n d 0

Sure, I like tht Orioles too, but did they really improve themselves that much over the winter that there is no doubt of them making the World Series? No way.

ber one. Benitez. That . The second into the seats." move made

horrible mis- / perfect sense,

First of all , they ditched Manager-of-take the Orioles made was deciding not to replacing the best closer in the game with resign reliever Randy Myers to a new deal. the one.g~y who cost Baltimore a chance to

F C) R t h ,. E I) l C , \ T I () N " /1 ,J R E S E A R C Ii C C) ,\ \ ,\ \ U N I T Y

OVER ONE MILLION OF THE BEST MINDS IN

AMERICA HAVE ALREADY CHOSEN THE BEST ·

RETIREMENT SYSTEM. TIAA-CREF.

W hen it comes to pl~n~ing a comfort­

able future, Americas best and ·

brightest turn to the expert: TIAA-CREF.

With over $200 billion in assets under

management, we're the world's largest

retirement system, the nation 's leader in

customer satisfaction~ and the overwhelm­

ing choice of people in education, research,

and related fields.

Expertise You Can Count On

For 80 years, TIAA-CREF has introduced

. intelligent solutions to America's long-term

planning needs. We pioneered the portabl~ . pension, invented the variable annuity, and

popularized the very concept of stock investing

for retirement. In fact, we manage the largest

stock account in the world.

Today, TIAA-CREF can help you

achieve even more of your financial goals.

From tax-deferred annuities and IRAs

to mutual funds, you 'll find the flexibility

and choice y ou need, backed by a proven

history of performanee, remarkably low

expenses, and peedess commitment to

personal service.

Find Out For Yourself

To learn more about the world's

premier retirement organization, talk to

one of our retirement planning experts

at 1800842-2776 (8 a.m.-11 p.m. ET).

Or better still, speak to one of your

colleagues. Find out why, when it comes

to planning for tomorrow, great minds

think alike.

Visit us on the Internet at www.tiaa-cref.org

Ensuring the future for those who shape it."'

0 1997 DALBAR Defined Contribu t ion r:xcelle nce Ratings. P<.ts t pt.: rlorn1 ~1 nn· i~ no gu;1r:1n1l' l' ot' futu rL' res ults . CH..EF cen ifi rntt::s anJ in tt'res 1s

in the TIAA Rea l Estate Account a re di stributed h, · TIAA-C REF l ndi\ · id u ~d a nd lns1in11ional Se n ·il'L'S. For 1mirL· 1-:omplt·tt· info rmation. includ ing

. '

charges and expenses , call I 800 842-2733. e; tension 5:109. !'tir the: prosp e1 .. :1u st.•s. R.1·ad them G1 rl' fu lly before you inn'!'il ur senJ money . 2/ 98

be in the World Series when he threw a slider that Tony Fernandez cranked into the seats. Good thinking, Angelos. Mis­take number two.

Then there were the free agent signings where each player they signed was not just over the hill, but had practi­cally fallen off of Mount Everest. Norm Charlton, Joe Carter, Harold Baines, who runs the 40 in about three minutes, and even Ozzie Guillen were all signed to con­tracts this off season. All of these guys have years of experience, but are well into the

SEE KERNER, PAGE 26

UMBC· Continues Dominance of Hoyas

FROM LACROSSE, PAGE 24

attack rode hard, and finished the shots when they had them. Our · defense played well, [junior defenseman] Jason Quenzer really shut down their top guy. Once again Hampson came up with a big game for us."

When asked about the Retrievers suc­cess· in defending the extra man situations, Coach Zimmerman replied, "That is prob­ably the most challenging point of the game. [Assistant] Coach Stephenson has done a lot of nice things, putting in different looks, and the kids have responded". He went on to say, "I think our man down epitomizes our ap­proach to this game, whatever it took these guys they were ready to do. That's what we did tonight...it was a team win and now we go on and keep getting better."

This game was UMBC's first victory against a top 20 team this season. Going into the game, the Retrievers were just outside the USILA (United States Intercollegiate Lacrosse Association) top 20, in the 21st position.

It was the first time the Retrievers h<!_d -played Georgetown, coming off an NCAA berth last season, since 1990 as they contin­ued their dominance of the Hoy as. The team had previously lost by identical three-goal margins to Navy, Towson, and Penn State.

UMBC plays its next game at Bucknell University on Wednesday, and is in Emmittsburg on Saturday against Mount St.Mary's. The team's next home game is on Saturday, April 18 when they face SUNY­Stoneybrook.

PAGE26 '· THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY SPORTS April 7, 1998

Costa Brings New Strokes To the Tennis Team

AGNES OSINSKI Retriever Weekly ·Editorial Staff

As a native of Porto Alegre, Brazil, jun­ior Fernando Costa knew he had to move to the U.S. if he wanted to pursue tennis and pursue a college degr~e at the same time. "We don't have organized sports in college," explained Costa.

Along with the lack of collegiate level competition in Brazil, Costa knew that he could never attain the kind of respect the sport of tennis gets elsewhere. "In Brazil s·6c~er is the only big sport",' said Costa. "Tennis is not respected, but right now num­ber twelve in the world is a player [Gustavo Kuerten] from Brazil and I think that may change things."

. Costa has been playing tennis since he was 11 years old. His early interest in the sport springs from .having an older brother, Francisco, who is now a professiQnal tenni~ player. A~other factor which can be linked to furthering Costa's determination -is his early successes in the sport. At 16, Costa competed in the junior championships in Brazil and was ·ranked riumber five in the nation.

After completing high school in his na­tive country, Costa set off to visit his friend who lives in Baltimore. During hi_s visit to Baltimore, Costa visited several universities in the Baltimore-Washington area. "I saw UMBC, learned about the program and be­came very interested," said Costa.

Costa had visited Maryland-College Park too, but was disappointed. "It was too crowded and the tennis team was not what I wanted," explained Costa.

After meeting uMBC's coach Keith Puryear, Costa was convinced that the ten­nis progr~m here was what had always en­visioned. "Once I met the coach, I knew I would stay here," said Costa. "He [Puryear] is not a typical coach, since he maintains a close relationship with his players."

Costa, however, had to adapt to some changes, for exan:iple his style of_ tennis was

ideal for clay courts. Costa, with the help of coach Puryear, adapted his game style to the hard courts of the U .S. circuit. "[Coach Puryear] taught me how to be competitive on hard courts", said Costa.

New playing tactics were not the only things Costa was introduced to when he came to UMBC. Moving from a very com­munal country like Brazil to the individual- · istic society of the U.S. has been a positive change for Costa. The individuality many Americans take for granted, Costa cherishes tremendously. "Everyone has a right here and that is the best way possible,"_said Costa. "I already know how it can be the other way, and for most of the population it is not good.".

Since; Costa has arrived here, he has held the number one position in singles for the past three seasons: His volleys are still improving and he owns solid ground strokes. For Costa the game of tennis is like a game of ches.~. "It's like.chess; you have to con­stantly analyze your opp01;1ent," explained Costa. ''That's why I like_it. I entertain my­self analyzing me opponents."

His mental preparation consists of eliminating as many distractions as possible, that includes television and night life. ''Ten­nis is everything", said Costa. "I think about it daily." . .

As for anxieties related to competition, Costa does not.allow th~m to get the best of him. Winning is not Costa's primary con­cern, it is maintainii:ig the principles of hard work and honesty. "I _beljeve maintaining these principles is. th6 most important thing on and off the court," said Costa.

As for the team here _at UMBC, Costa claims that it is the strongest} eam since he has been.here .. "Our team has.'a lot of depth," said Costa. ''We have players who have the potential to become prof~s.sio11als."

After _Costa receives.bis degree in psy­chology, he intends- to pur'sue his sport at the profes~ional level. "I want to travel with my brother on the ATP Tour and try to have a successful career,'' said Costa.

TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT FROM KERNER~ -PAGE 25

twilights of their careers. Charlton is com­ing off a terrible year· with the Mariners where he had ari ERA of 7 .27 and gave up 89 hits in only 69 innings of work. Baines and C~er still have good bats, but nei­ther one is a good fielder. Guillen played sparingly with the White Sox last year and will back up Mike Bordick this year at

. shortstop. Overall, i would ·

Six games into the season, however, the O's are sporting a 5-1 record and the team has looked really unstoppable. Let's wait and see how they're doing in July when all of their old guys start to wear down. Will they have enough stamina to win it all?

If you asked the people of Baltimore for their answers to that question, un­

not characterize these ---------• signings as mistakes, but all "Are Baltimore fans of them are definite ques- • b th .

doubtedly their response would be "yes". Mistake number three.

In reality, the Orioles do have a chance to do some damage in the play­offs. Skepticism arises, however, when you think about their performance in the ALCS last year. Every­one thought they were go­ing to win it all then as well and look what hap­pened. We ali just need to

tion marks. going to e lS

There are als9 some optimistic when a holdovers from last year's . playoff series comes team that could use some practice. Take,forexample, down to Benitez or catcher Chris H9~les, who Charlton pitching in is the only major league th . l ments

. catcher who has been e crucia mo known to one-hop the of a game?" throw back to the pitcher. This guy couldn't even throw out his six­year-old son du~ng a . father-sen game.

. Prior to last Saturday's game again~t the Tigers, opposing base stealers had swiped nine bases in nine tries against him. Then there is relief pitcher Alan Mills, who gave up so many hits last year that he was mis­takenly entered into the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame. The O's also have Jesse Orosco, who throws .so many offspeeq pitches that an opponent can steal second, third, and home before the ball crosses the plate, and Terry Matthews, who is total junk.

Get in the game! Become a sportswriter

for The Retriever Weekly and ·get

involved with _UMBC athleti'cs . .

Earn darn good pay or Do It For Credit.

Experience i~ a plus, but tiardry a

requirement. Call Chris Kerner at

(410) 455-1_260 today . .

be a little more patient before we go hand­ing out championships, they have to be earned. Besides, are Baltimore fans go­ing to be this optimistic when: a playoff series comes down to Benitez or.Charlton pitching in the crucial moments of a game? All of the mistakes and question marks can come back to hurt you in Oc­tober. Baltimorians need to realize that speed kills, that goes for judgement as well. Don't be too quick to turn a good team into a great one or it will be like deja vu all over again in the '98 playoffs.

Hillcrest Clinic~-Genuine Help and Understanding

. IV /Sleep Sedation .

. First & Mid-Trimester Abortion services

. Pregnancy & Birth Control Counseling ·Sonograms · 24hour Emergency Call . Community Education & Guest Speaking Seryices . Male & Female Board Certified Gynecologists

FOR APPOINTMENTS CALL 410-788-4400

Ask about our special student rates

Suburbia Building 5602 Baltimore National Pike · Suite 600

Baltimore, Maryland 21228 Dave· Chen I Retriever Weekly Staff Out of Area 1-800-427-2813

Brazilian Fernando Costa, the number one tennis player ori the men's team, is http://gynpages.com/hillcrestbalt

one~many~h~-~~~~Cwho~oNn~rnation~origin. ~~~ 0 .:· · ~~ ' · '~.~~~~· ·~· ~· ~· ~·~~· ~ ~~~i ·~· ~· v~· ~·~~~~~~~· ~~"~q~M~p~s~~~~~- ~~·t~~~~=~~a~~~~~~- ~~~· ~~~~~~~~~~~ ! - ___::: ~~~~~~" - ' •

. j

·,

April 7, 1998

Classified Advertising Rates per 30 WORDS

$6.00 ,,

50¢ EACH BOL~ED WORD

Does not include PERSONALS, LOST & FOUND, CLUB NOTICES,

OR THRIFT SHOP sections. See separate rate schedules

for more information: ·

Deadline

Classified ads are due 5:00 p.m. on the Friday preceding the issue.

HELP WANTED

100. INSTRUCTORS/COUNSE­LORS needed: Coed sleepaway camp. Pocono Mountains, Penn­sylvania. Over 60 land/water ac­tivities: horseback r!ding, gym­nastics, ceramics', riflery, a·rchery,

· tennis, honda quads, etc. Good salary/tips! (908)689-·3339 (www.campcayuga.com) ·

HELP WANTED ..... ................ . Men/Women earn $375 weekly processing/assembling Medical I .D. Cards at home. Immediate openings, your local area. Expe­rience unnecessar)r, -will train. Call Medicard ·1 ~541-386-5290 Ext. 118M

This is a Great Job! WATER TAXI MATES NEEDED. Full or part Time. If you like boat­ing, . enjoy people ahd are .de­pendable effervesce.nt, lively,· gregarious, articulate, enthusias­tic, honest, and drug free. Call Ms. Kane at 563-3901

3 part-time positions available for reliable member · servic~ reps.

. Will be responsible for opening local YMCA, gree_tlng members, and supervising building func­tions. Must be over 21 , have excellent communication skills, and some comput~r experience. Capable of becoming ·CPR and 1st aid certified. Shifts available: (2) T!TH 6am-10am, (1) MWF 6am-1 Oam Call Western YMCA@(410)747-9622 .

Lifeguards and Pool Operators for the Howard and Anne Arundel and Montgomery County. U.S. aquatics. Experience preferred. Contact Dan 410-837-7517.

Stay Home and Make Money!!! Free Details. Send SASE to: Tamar Publishing, Dept. C, P.O. Box 1723, Voorhees;· NJ, 08043

LIFEGUARDS Now hiring All positions, All ar­eas. Traioing available. Full time and part time. $7 -13/hour Call Barbary at 301-948-2400.

~-----:.r --,.--------- ----~~---- - ------ ---

CLASSIFIEDS Office Hours . Monday through Friday 9:00 a.m_ - 5:00 p.m.

Classified Display_ Advertising

Rates Per Column Inch:

· Under 10 Column Inches $10.30

All advertisements urider $30 must be prepaid

before insertion. ·

you ·might already have a bad impression of. Come in with friends: play pool, ping-pong, watch satellite T. V. , study or whatever. What can it hurt to call and find out some info! . Call Pharmakinetics in Catonsville

· (410) 242-3916, talk to your lo­: cal campus recruiter, or call (800) 787-1100 anytime.

Film· Student is making a . documentary on the aftermath of sexual assault. I am, looking

· 1- I I I :

RETI~IEVER \XTEEKLY

University Center 214 I 000 Hilltop Circle

Baltimore. MD 21250 Ads may be placed in person at the above

address. mailed in. or faxed in.

(410) 455-1260 Fax: (410) 455c_ 1265

or fax resume to 410-560-4907.

Student Rep - AT&T Authorized Agent needs 20 students now! No exp, will train. $100-:$300/ week. PF/FT (800) 592--212 x 3·11

STUDENTS ... stop working for peanuts! Earn $8-$15 per hour·

. _plus bonuses. Work 3-5 days per ··week from 4-8p.m.; only 5 min­utes from campus ." · Call -now! 410-247-6900.

· for women who are willing to -. ·EARN tell their story; ABSOLUTE $750-$1500/WEEK discretion is GUARANTEED! Raise all the money your student Please E-mail me at group needs by sponsoring a

Club Notice~ is a ~ection for UMBC student clubs to make announcements -only.

Student clubs may have five lines free.

Each additional line costs $1.50

Thrift Shop is a Retriever Weekly student

,community service which provides UMBC students 3 free lines

of advertising for any textbook or item FOR SALE under $50.

Available to students currently enrolle~ at UMBC only.

800,.932-0528 ext. 117.

INTERNSHIPS

SUMMER INTERNSHIPS EARN $3000-$6000 & GAIN VALUABLE EXPERIENCE sell­ing yellow page advertising in your University's Campus Tele-

. phone this SUMMER. Excellent Advertising/Sales/Pub! ic Rela­tions experience. GREAT RE­SUM.E BOOSTEFJ. Call College Directory Publlshing·::a00-466-2221 ext 230 or 288. Visit our web site· at http :// www.campusdirectory.com.

PAGE27

Lost & Found is a free comm1,mity service offered to UMBC students,

faculty, and staff. (Limit 5 lines)

Personals may_ be placed at our offices

during regular hours. The.cost is $1.00 for a four-line ad;

additi onal lines are 25¢ each . There is a 50¢ charge

for personals which are in all capitals or include balded lines. Each personal must be pre-paid

and filled out on a separate form.

Saturn SL2, 1995 - Lt. purple, Al c-, au'tomatic, dual air bags, sunroof, 1-.9 liter, twin cam, 42K. Inspected! $8090/best offer. 410-31-8236.

Receivers for sale! $ 60 obo! Both in great working condition , one 20 yrs old or so, wood cabi­net. The other is 15 yr old, silver case, a bit smaller. Call Leah @ x1735.

CLUB NOTICES

UMBC Ballroom Dance Club presents Ballroom Dance Classes. Beginner, no-experi-Cucciolone1@yahoo.com ·VISA Fundra!ser" 0n your cam-

Get Paid 'for Typing a_t Home!! , Free Details. Send SASE to: Tamar Publishing, Dept. D, P.O. Box 1723, Voorhees,N.J. 08043

pus. No investment & very little tinie needed. There's no obliga­tion, so why not call for informa-tion today. ·

. Call 1-800-323-8454 x 95.

MISCELLANEOUS

MARTIAL ARTS~new location convenient to UMBC; student discount for all classes at Sword of Heaven Martial Arts, 1330 Sul­phur Spring Road. Student Spe­cial for April- $39 pe·r month . Call 41.0-536-0810.

• 4 ence, no-partner required. Next class: Wed, April 8, Review 7-8:30 pm in Commuter Cafete­ria/Retriever Grill. For more irifo, contact -ballroom @sta.umbc.edu

The magnificent Ronny ·Romm will be appearing at UMBC on Monday, April 20th at 8pm in the

Summer Nanny position in West Howard County to care for·2 chil­dren ages 6 and 2. References· and car needed. Four days per week. Salary $200-250/week. Cafl Laura. at 410-992-8623.

WOMEN - EARN $2.000 As An Egg Donor - Healthy, mature, nonsmoker, drug and alcohol free , age 20-29, to donate eggs for infertility treatment. Simple,

Extra $$$- Free gift photos, port­folio shots, or up to $30/hr. Fe­male models wanted for new digital image work.· No experi­ence needed. Call Gemini Graphics (301) 596-2777

Get Obt of Qebt! ! !

, UC Ballroom. Come and get Ap_artment need for summer. hypnotized by this world re­Need one bedroom or--efficiency nowned performer. Contact apartment for June, July, -and -. Jalila atx3618 or go to UC 206

-low risk, medical p_i:ocedure for egg retrieval. All medical and le­gal expenses paid plus ·$2,000 compensation for a 2-3 week, part-time commitment. Confiden­tiality at all times. Call Family Building Center, Inc., (410) 494-

. 8113, Towson, Maryland.

WIN A BIG SCREEN TV OR . MAID SERVICE FOR A SE-

MESTER while rasing money for your stu­dent organization. Earn up to $5.00 per Visa/MasterCard Ap­plication. The 1st 50 groups to compete the fundraiser receive FREE MOVIE PASSES! Call for details. 1-800-932-0528 x 75.

Free Details. Send SASE to: Tamar Publishing, Dept. B., P.O. Box 1723, Voorhees, N.J. 08043

August. 'Move-in and. move.-out dates are l lexible. Prefer fur-_ nished; Will consider unfur­nished. Call (410) 730-6151.

PREGNANT? FREE CONFI- . DENTIAL PREGNANCY TEST

. 1-800-521-5530

Want enhace your resume? The You_th Enrichment Program in Columbia is looking for volunteer and paid tutors in math, reading and other subjects for students . in grades 2-12 from July 6-Au- . N~TRITION __ STORE NOW

· gust 7. T1,1toring sessions are'- ·OPEN _IN A~BUTU,S-natural ·held from 5:30-7pm on Tuesday · products, forrflulas ; sports and and Thursday. For more infor- preventive nutrition for endur­mation call 410-796-0344 or ance, ·energy, health. 10% email YEPAJS@aol.com. UMBC discount. 1330 Sulphur

·wanted: A bright, business mihded individual for a P-T Man­agement Positi9_n with an lf!C.

Spring Road. 410-536-0810.

. 500 Company. Will train. Contact Mr .. Cave at 410-475:.2780.

Are you among the 50 million Americans with Joi11~ Discomfort and _Limited '-Mobility? Natural produc.t: .. clinically proven safe

. and effective ~ith no side effects, Part-time Baby~itter. Mon. -Fri ., Rheumatalogi:stS ~Ercomrnended,; 3 30 6 30 · H t " · 11 · . 60:-day money back gt1arantee. : p.m.- : p.m. un · va ey

MAIL BOXES ETC. r Area. Must have own car. Full . Call 1-888-573-6918 forJree info. Help Wanted- Lutherville· Area time summer position optional : has immediate openings for: Full Call (410) 683-0512 and leave a. time mang.er, 2 PIT Assistant message.

FOR.SALE.

Interested in Medical School Come to the Pre-Med Socie / M_eetings every Wednesday < -

1 :oo in c ·P 20s

Freedom Alliance Come join the Freedom Alliance Thursday 6-8pm SS002 x6370

LOST & FOUND

Found - a watch by the road be­tween the apartments and the li­brary. Please contact Jeesin @ x1622. Be ready to describe it.

Lost- Blue pager on campus ·most likely around the northwest loop · or LH4 or academic 4. JSmith14 @umbc.edu or 410-744-3013.

- Lost: Di~rhond. and sapphire bradet. If found please call 301-253-2048. A rewar-0 is offered.

Managers, 4 P!T Sales Associ-EARN FROM $400TO1500+ ates. Must have: Great people WANTED Healthy ~~n a~d ~omen age 18- skills, proficient With Windows 95, Responsible students to market/ 70. '.art1c1patmg in researc~ of numbers oriented, own transpor- manage Citibank promotions on previously marketed med1ca- tation. $5.50-1 O.OOhr. Open· 7 campus. Make your own hours.

. MUST $EL_L!.!!-.. ,. ·' . _ 1987· Chrysler Fifth Av.enue- · good CQndition. $1000, 'nego­_tiable. ;Call now.410.-455-1642,

tions~. ~t~~.~o~~!h.~.~~~ ?f,!~~9.~~,-AC!Y.§~~~d-L%~2.Q~.QLf::i&tJ.~!..~~filLl ... t4JilO+/wk. Call Nicol~ ._ F,gr, J>.~.!&Jlv,JuJgjo<l! .... 11

•-:• .,, . -

owner. __ -·---=-=-=-=-----_

/

---.._

PAGE28

TIRED OF PARKING IN tOT$ 13 OR I? OR ON THE FAR .fll)E OF HlttTOP CIRCtE AND

RVNNING TO MAKE ff ON TIME? ..._ .. , ....

---~ .c

PLAN AHEAD WITH PAR.KING & WALKING SOLUTIONS!

Park on Hilltop Circle· near Poplar Ave'. or in Lots 13or17 and take the Shuttle Bus to Center Road·&-.Poplar .Ave. (in front of Public Safety) T.he-vehicles depart from Hilltop Circle & Poplar Ave. on Green/Yellow/

Purple Routes at the following times (see starred areas on map):

7:00 am ~s:so -am 12:00 noon 4:50 pm

..

7:10 am 7:45 atn ._ · 7~ so a·m 8:00 am · 8:20 am 9:00 am 9:50 am 1t.:·oo am 11:10 am 11:45 am 12:45 pm 2:00 pm 2:50 Pfl1 4:00 pm 4:1opm 5:00 pm 5:45 pm 5:50 pm · 7_:00 pm TSO pm

9:5o_pm 11:10 pm 11:5opm

UMBC Shuttle also services tt:ie•Park&Ride at Rolling Road and Rt. 195. Park&Ride to UMBC on_ the YELLOW LINEat~he follwing times:

8_:3.6 am 4:36 pm

9:36 am_ 5:36 pm

11:36 am 7:36 pm .

12:36 pm 9:36 pm

8:45 am 11:50 am 4:45 pm 9:00 pm

-P l.EA$E NOTE THllT Ill.I. TIME$ I/NE llPPNOKIMATE llND $V8JECT TO CHANGE, l/l.WllY$ llNNIYE llT'YOVN $TOP llT l.Ell$T 5 MINVTE$ PNIOR TO THE PO$TED llNRIYlll. TIME OF THE YEHICtE,

r

For more information call our office at x2454 • UMBC SHUTTLE & CHARTER SERVICES