"I am never afraid of...." TESOL Quarterly

“I Am Never Afraid of Being Recognizedas an NNES”: One Teacher’s Journeyin Claiming and Embracing HerNonnative-Speaker Identity

GLORIA PARKIndiana University of PennsylvaniaIndiana, Pennsylvania, United States

With an increase in the number of learners and speakers of Englishas an additional language entering the English language teachingfield, especially in Outer and Expanding Circle countries and somemigrating into the Inner Circle countries (e.g., Jenkins, 2009), thereis an urgent need to prepare, and understand the experiences of,English language teachers from diverse backgrounds in teachingEnglish to speakers of other languages (TESOL) programs. In viewof this burgeoning need, TESOL programs could tailor their curric-ula to meet the academic and professional needs of all students plan-ning to teach English in worldwide contexts. To this end, this articlepresents one thread of a larger study examining the experiences offive East Asian women before and during their TESOL programs.Snapshots are provided of one TESOL student whose academic andprofessional experiences highlight the disconnectedness between herexperiences in China, her TESOL program, and her mentored stu-dent teaching experience. An exploration of this student’s identitytransformation is followed by a discussion of implications for TESOLprograms.

doi: 10.1002/tesq.4

According to the Open Doors Report (Open Doors Report, 2010),published annually by the Institute of International Education,

the number of international students in the United States increased by3% during the 2009–2010 academic year. The increase represents arecord high number, which was driven by a 30% increase in Chinesestudent enrollment in the United States. Although the ODR does notspecifically report the number of international students in teachingEnglish to speakers of other languages (TESOL) degree programs, thereport does indicate the number of international students in the Uni-ted States that matriculated in intensive English programs and in the

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fields of education, foreign language, and social sciences in whichmany U.S. TESOL programs are housed. Published by the TESOLInternational Association, The English Language Professional’s ResourceGuide lists more than 400 TESOL1 programs in the United States alone(MultiView, 2011). The sheer number of U.S. programs likely height-ens the visibility of the United States as a place in which to pursue aTESOL degree. Moreover, the vast array of TESOL programs in theUnited States reinforces the perception of the power and prestige ofAmerican Standard English (AmSE; see Bolton, 2005; McArthur, 2001;Phillipson, 1992). As a result of this perception, many nonnative-Eng-lish-speaking teachers (NNESTs) from Outer Circle countries (OCCs)and Expanding Circle countries (ECCs) are migrating to Inner Circlecountries (ICCs) to not only increase their English language (EL) pro-ficiency but also become prepared to teach English around the worldas a result of global mobility and the focus on internationalization(see Bolton, 2005; Jenkins, 2009; Kachru, 1997; Kamhi-Stein, 2000).Many from OCCs and ECCs seek admission into U.S. TESOL pro-grams to begin their academic and professional journeys as teachers ofEnglish (e.g., Bolton, 2005; Butler, 2007; Kamhi-Stein, 2000; Nunan,2003).

What has received little attention in regard to this is the experi-ences of NNESTs in these programs as they transition from theirnative to U.S. educational contexts. Understanding and documentingthe academic and professional experiences of NNESTs’ journeys priorto and during this phase of their education could raise awareness ofrewards reaped and challenges encountered from the ways in whichtheir linguistic identities have been constructed in the TESOL pro-grams. Many NNESTs’ experiences are rewarding due to gainingaccess to English-dominant academic communities to (re)constructtheir identities as users of English in authentic contexts (Kachru &Nelson, 2006). On the other hand, many NNESTs perceive a deficit intheir EL proficiency due to not sounding like native speakers (Jenkins,2009; Kamhi-Stein, 2004). Not surprisingly, securing a high level of ELproficiency has come to be one of the goals for NNESTs as they con-tinue to envision English as a form of social, academic, and symboliccapital (Lin, 1999; Park, 2009).

Understanding the experiences of NNESTs in TESOL programswould assist teacher educators and researchers in tailoring TESOL cur-ricula to meet the academic and professional needs of all studentsplanning to teach English in worldwide contexts, especially in OCCsand ECCs. To this end, the focus of this article is on one thread of a

1 TESOL programs in the directory consist of MA, MEd, undergraduate endorsements, K–12licensure, and PhD; the directory does not focus exclusively on MA TESOL programs.

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larger study examining the experiences of five East Asian womenNNESTs before and during their TESOL education.2 The present arti-cle examines the journey of one student, Xia Wang, to highlight thedisconnectedness between her experiences in China, her TESOL pro-gram, and her mentored student teaching experience. Xia’s story isremarkable because of the striking transformation she underwent fromthe self-perceived marginalization of her identity as an NNES to thecelebration and acceptance of her NNEST identity.

REVIEW OF THE LITERATURE

Much has already been written on the issues pertaining to NNESTsworking in various contexts, as evidenced by edited and single-authored volumes (e.g., Braine, 1999, 2005, 2010; Kamhi-Stein, 2004;Llurda, 2005) and numerous articles focusing on NNEST identity con-structions (e.g., Chacon, 2009; Lee, 2010; Menard-Warwick, 2008; Park,2006, 2008; Pavlenko, 2003; Simon-Maeda, 2004; Tang, 1997; Varghese,Morgan, Johnston, & Johnson, 2005). The research so far has consid-ered the rewards and challenges experienced by native-English-speak-ing teachers (NESTs) as well as NNESTs, yet attention to diversitywithin these groups has been limited.

Challenges and Triumphs of NESTs and NNESTs

Within the past decades of scholarly work on issues relevant toNNESTs, earlier studies positioned these teachers into a single groupwithout highlighting the diversity among them (e.g., Hoekje & Linnell,1994; Kobayashi, 1992). The NEST/NNEST dichotomy, essentially an“othering” process, minimized and overlooked the multiple identitiesof NNESTs, who could potentially identify themselves as multicompe-tent bilinguals, Generation 1.5, multilinguals, or World Englishes(WE) speakers (Cook, 1995; Jenkins, 2009; Pavlenko, 2003). Inresponse to this othering perspective privileging native speaker status,scholars examining NNEST issues began to take a stance indicatingthat all NESTs and NNESTs have strengths and challenges (Medgyes,1999). Among the strengths of NNESTs mentioned is their ability toexplain and teach English grammar due to their lived experiences asEnglish language learners (ELLs; Medgyes, 1999). However, althoughthe NNESTs were perceived to have more metalinguistic awareness

2 All names and institutions are pseudonyms.

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due to their language learning experiences, according to some observ-ers they lacked confidence to showcase their teaching and lackedinformation on navigating the sociocultural and sociopolitical contextsembedded in teaching English (e.g., Johnson, 2009; Nieto, 2010).

Experiences of East Asian Women in TESOL Programs

Although NNESTs come from all over the world, there has been aninflux in MA TESOL programs of teachers from East Asian countries,as suggested by studies highlighting language policy changes and WEissues connected to preparing English teachers (Berns, 2005; Butler,2007; Matsuda, 2003; Nunan, 2003). The reality in ECCs may be thatthere is a lack of a knowledge base in preparing teachers to use cultur-ally sensitive pedagogical materials that are relevant and practical fortheir own contexts (Kumaravadivelu, 2001). Therefore, the ECCs viewICCs as having a “norm providing capacity” (Kachru & Nelson, 2006,p. 125) in terms of production, function, and authenticity of the EL,hence often relegating the English teachers from ECCs to a marginal-ized, second-class status. As one way to reconstruct their NNEST identi-ties, teachers from ECCs seek advanced degrees in higher educationalcontexts in the United States and other ICCs (e.g., Butler, 2007;Kamhi-Stein, 2000; Nunan, 2003).

Coming to a greater understanding of how East Asian womenNNESTs navigate through their TESOL programs and how theybecome (or do not become) participatory members of various English-dominant academic communities has been the focus of several studiesin TESOL and general teacher education disciplines (e.g., Park, 2006;Price & Osborne, 2000). Also, there have been studies examiningNNESTs’ self-perception of their teaching and other identities: Chi-nese EFL teachers in Asian contexts (Tang, 1997), visible minoritywomen NNESTs in Canada (Amin, 1997), an Asian NNEST in a main-stream context (Pailliotet, 1997), Chinese Canadian immigrant teach-ers’ identities and roles (Beynon, Ilieva, & Dichupa, 2001), andprofessional identities of women NES and NNES English as a foreignlanguage (EFL) teacher educators in Japan (Simon-Maeda, 2004).However, none of the studies that I have come across has focused onEast Asian women NNESTs’ academic and professional experiencesprior to and during their enrollment in TESOL programs. It is duringtheir time in MA TESOL programs that these women come to (re)con-struct their EL identities. Researching the experiences of East Asianwomen highlights the privilege embedded in their prior academiclearning situations and their identities constructed and negotiated as aresult of having access to EL learning in ICCs. In such research, the

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women’s privileged past stands in stark contrast to the levels of linguis-tic marginalization that surface during their time in TESOL programs.

METHOD OF INQUIRY

This article reports on one part of a larger qualitative study3 examin-ing the experiences of five East Asian women NNESTs before and dur-ing their TESOL programs. As a researcher and an adjunct facultymember in the women’s programs, I was immediately drawn to howthe women described their EL learning and teaching experiences. Justlike each woman who came into my study, I also identified myself asan NNEST who often questioned her EL proficiency level in relationto her teacher identity.

Researcher’s Positionality

At the time of this study, in addition to working as an adjunct fac-ulty member, I was also an active member in the regional TESOL com-munity and a mentor in various academic and professionalorganizations. I saw my positionality as juxtaposed to that of thewomen in this study in that their experiences were intricately inter-woven with my own experiences as a Korean American woman. Eventhough I was not an international student, my claiming of NNES, Gen-eration 1.5, and bilingual identities as a Korean American womanbecame an identity construction with similarities to what the womenhave come to experience in their TESOL programs (Ladson-Billings,2000; Pennycook, 2005). I was one of them, and had dealt with manyof the same issues with which they had dealt on a personal, academic,and professional level. I was compelled to examine how the EL iden-tity intersected with gender, class, and race in my own lived experi-ences as well as the lived experiences of the women via the stories theyshared with me. The very selection of this topic reflected a subjectivityand bias in that I could not divorce myself from the experiences ofthese women. Hence, this study, in and of itself, was a reflection of mypersonal and, to some degree, my academic experiences. As withHansen (2004), “These experiences were the reason why I became aTESOL professional, and my self-identification as an NNES is the iden-tity that drives my research and teaching” (p. 41). To this end, my

3 During the period 2004–2006, I entered the field, collected data, conducted analysis,and shared the completed dissertation with each of the five women.


study became an “extension of [my] understanding of the worlds [I]seek to more fully comprehend” (Ramanathan, 2005, p. 291).

Method of Data Collection

During the data collection period, I utilized electronic autobiographi-cal (E-Auto) narratives (structured), electronic journal (E-Journal)entries (semistructured), and individual interviews (unstructured) asmain data sources in understanding the women’s experiences before andduring their TESOL programs. In what follows, I explicate each phase.

E-Auto narratives. In the E-Auto phase, the women emailed meresponses to questions focusing on their language learning and teach-ing experiences prior to gaining admission into the TESOL program(see Appendix 1). They responded to these E-Auto questions at theirconvenience in order to avoid any pressure they might have felt hadthere been face-to-face interviews.

E-Journal of educational incidents. In the E-Journal phase, thewomen captured their “during the program/classroom” experiences,which revealed their thoughts and experiences as they interacted withprofessors and classmates in their TESOL program (see Appendix 2).This phase began upon completion of the E-Auto phase and ended inJune 2005.

Individual interviews. Finally, the individual interviews allowed formore intimate interactions between each woman and me in probingfollow-up questions and clarification. Per the women’s requests, theseinterviews were conducted at a location convenient to each of them.The interviews extended over the course of 6 months with eachwoman. Additionally, all data were collected in English per thewomen’s requests because it gave them opportunities to use the lan-guage to share their experiences. The interview tapes were transcribedverbatim after each interview for preliminary analytic memo writingand for guidance in the follow-up interview as needed.

Data Analysis

I began analyzing the data before the end of data collection, whichis consistent with the protocol for conducting qualitative research

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(Bogdan & Biklen, 2003). First, I performed line-by-line data analysisthroughout and after data collection was completed. Second, I createda table displaying the participants’ demographic information,4 whichwas shared with each woman to conduct member-checking. Next, Iwinnowed the data by creating a text of important categories andthemes in relation to the women’s past (Looking Back), present(Reflecting on their TESOL Program), and future (Thinking Forward)life history trajectories (Clandinin & Connelly, 2000; Dewey, 1938/1963). Then, I further analyzed each woman’s narrative by findingemerging themes connecting their EL identity and other social catego-ries (i.e., race, gender, social class5). The process concluded with anin-depth analysis of each woman. What follows is a description of oneparticipant’s construction of narratives prior to and during her TESOLprogram.

XIA’S NARRATIVE SNAPSHOTS: FINDINGS ANDDISCUSSION

Xia was born in Beijing in 1979. At the time of my study, she wasfinishing her MEd in TESOL at a university on the U.S. East Coast,Pacific University (a pseudonym chosen by Xia). Even though she wasnot planning to teach in a preK–12 context, she had decided to com-plete the ESOL certification track in order to better understand theU.S. public school system. Hence, in the spring of 2005, she com-pleted her student teaching as a partial requirement for her MEd in aK–12 degree program.

Xia made her feelings of linguistic powerlessness evident duringone of our initial encounters in September 2003, which was set upthrough one of our mutual colleagues. Although I had not yet begunthe study at that time, I became interested in Xia and wanted to knowmore about her views and what made her feel so powerless. In Decem-ber 2004, after I began the data collection, she reiterated those feel-ings of powerlessness, which she attributed to her lack of ELproficiency. She linked her feelings to her status as a temporary resi-dent in the United States.

In what follows, I weave my interpretations throughout Xia’s narra-tive snapshots, illustrating her lived moments within the Chinese andU.S. educational contexts and highlighting the emerging themes. Myinterpretation is one of many possible readings of the data presented

4 This included length of TESOL study, study abroad, teaching in their native contexts/U.S. contexts, and imagined future plans post-TESOL.

5 Their various forms of capital (i.e., privileges) obtained throughout their lives.


to me. Due to the limited space, a snapshot approach is used to reportthe data. This approach illustrates different events in her life that haveeither enriched or disempowered her identity as an EL learner andteacher, enabling explication of the disconnectedness between her aca-demic and professional experiences in China and in the United States.This disconnectedness ultimately led to Xia’s (re)construction of herEL identity, the focus of this article.

In a Homogeneous Context: Empowerment or Hegemony?

Xia’s identity as an ELL was strong during her early educationalexperiences in China due to her stellar performance in class andon examinations of her EL abilities. She stated that all the exam-inations she took in high school (1994–1997) were focused ondoing well for the college entrance examination. Due to the natureof these exams, the focus of the English classes was on practic-ing the listening test items and becoming familiar with test-takingstrategies.

SNAPSHOT 16

In my high school, the teacher did not even speak a full sentence inEnglish. They just said a, b, c, and d…. They focused on correctanswers all the time… in Chinese. English [was] never a difficult sub-ject to me, especially at school where the main purpose of English[was] passing exams. (Interview, 12/04)7

Xia perfected her test-taking strategies during her high school years.She became very confident in her ability to excel in every subjectrelated to English because the goal was to do well on school andnational exams. Although she excelled academically, Xia realized thatusing English in authentic communication was almost nonexistent inthe Chinese public educational system.

Xia’s engagement in the aforementioned assessment practices paral-lel McLaren’s (2003) discussion of how a group of powerful individu-als (e.g., teachers, schools) can gain the consent of those who may bein powerless positions, such as Xia’s, as a learner. McLaren states thathegemony is a “maintenance of domination not by the sheer exerciseof force but primarily through consensual social practices (i.e., whatpeople say and do), social forms, and social structures produced inspecific sites such as the … school” (p. 76). The struggle that becameapparent in Xia’s narrative was that even though she did not agree

6 Snapshot data that are bracketed have been edited upon Xia’s request.7 12/04 refers to December 2004.

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with her teachers’ “teaching to the test,” she both knowingly andunknowingly participated in this oppressive situation of taking anddoing extremely well on the exams because it was the normative prac-tice in her educational context. Due to this practice, Xia’s EL abilitiesdid not prepare her to use English in authentic communicative con-texts. The assessment measures Xia was engaged in were the hege-monic practices pervasive in educational contexts that place muchmore weight on scoring high on exams as opposed to building stu-dents’ critical thinking skills often associated with learner-centeredpedagogy (Freire, 2003; hooks, 2009).

Xia’s stellar performance in English exams helped her gain accessto the Weekend English Language Enrichment Program (WELEP)8

reserved for the top 5% of students in public school classes, whichgave her a taste of authentic communication in English in China:

SNAPSHOT 2I benefited more from weekend “enrichment” schools [where] the

English class is more interactive and the teacher speaks better English.[…] find pen pal in other countries for us to write with… Also [I]had native-English-speaking guest teachers from time to time. (E-Auto,10/04)

Xia enjoyed her experience in WELEP, which was a part of her edu-cational capital until she graduated from high school in 1997. Accord-ing to Xia, she was able to interact with NES guest teachersoccasionally, which introduced her to face-to-face communication withan NES. In addition, she stated that she was able to participate in com-municative activities with NNESTs focusing on the actual use of thelanguage as opposed to the regurgitation of language that was memo-rized. Xia’s experience reflects Lin’s (1999) discussion of Bourdieu’s(1973) concept of cultural capital and habitus. Xia’s EL experience inWELEP points to the ways in which she was socialized to “do school”in order to be successful in China. Because of power and privilegeconnected to English in China (as is the case in other ECCs), English,taught as an academic subject, is perceived as a powerful tool for pro-viding the Chinese with educational and economic global access. Thus,the EL identity is often associated with the socioeconomicallyadvantaged group of students. As a result, many families send theirchildren (also adults) to EL programs geared toward communicatingwith NESs (Butler, 2007; Li, 1998; Nunan, 2003) preparing them togain access to postsecondary institutions in English-dominant countries.There are several unintended consequences of this well-intentioned

8 Enrichment classes (e.g., gifted and talented programs) cater to high-achieving students,usually available to families in high socioeconomic standing.


educational endeavor. Lin (1999) argues that many children from eco-nomically disadvantaged groups may not be able to participate in pro-grams such as WELEP due to lack of language skills, attitudes,dispositions, and so on gained from their families who may not pro-mote this type of capital or habitus.

Another unintended consequence of participating in programs likeWELEP is that attending these special programs and taking classes inafterschool language institutions could be seen as the norm. Theexistence of such programs represents structural oppression for the“have-nots.” In Lin’s discussion of Bourdieu’s (1991) notion of sym-bolic violence, a form of miseducative experience can be that manyindividuals misrepresent “good schools” to only be “English mediumschools” (Lin, 1999, p. 395). For families who may not be able toafford to send their children to afterschool EL classes, the parentsmay be perceived as not caring about their children’s education,because going to language school is seen as the norm. However, asstated in Lin’s (1999) article, the focus should be on the knowledgeand the needs of the students in English classes where ELLs can usetheir native language to support the learning of English (Ovando,Comb, & Collier, 2006).

Although the first two snapshots illustrate Xia’s perceived educa-tional success in her earlier schooling journey, her undergraduate edu-cational experience focusing on English language and literature in aChinese university further fueled her desire to be in an English-dominant academic community in order to learn more about theteaching of English. With this goal, Xia gained admission into an MEdprogram in a U.S. K–12 certification program. In what follows, I intro-duce snapshots illustrating her experiences in her TESOL program,where she began to question her EL identity.

Questioning the Legitimacy of EL Identity in aHeterogeneous Context

The reality Xia faced in the United States in relation to EL learningand use was different from what she had experienced in China. Herlinguistic identity was transformed once she came to the United Statesdue to a host of ideologies shaping who is seen as a legitimate ownerand user of English (Canagarajah, 1999; Widdowson, 1994). As Xiabegan to compare herself to NESTs in her TESOL classes with respectto linguistic fluency, she began to question all she had accomplishedback in China in relation to EL acquisition. Thus, her desire to masterEnglish and sound like NESTs dominated her educational experiences

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in her TESOL program (see also Kamhi-Stein, 2004; Pavlenko, 2003).Xia indicated strong feelings of powerlessness in situations related toher production of English:

SNAPSHOT 3Not only in the program but the whole environment makes me feel

so powerless because I think language is power. I don’t have strong lan-guage capability, so I feel powerless myself. ... The fact is that I am pow-erless because [I] am just a traveler or an immigrant. (Interview, 12/04)

Xia’s language identity encompassed how she positioned herselfand how Western and Chinese societies positioned her in relation toEnglish. For Xia, being proficient in English meant wielding power indifferent situations. But as an NNEST, she perceived herself to have alower status in her TESOL program. According to Xia, the fact thatpeople either repeated what she said or figured out what she said byemitting nonverbal cues was evidence that her spoken English wasincomprehensible.

Xia also felt powerlessness and confusion about her identity wheninteracting with a person in charge of recruiting temporary test scorersat Pacific University during the 2005 spring break. During this phoneconversation, Xia noticed that the recruiter was also Chinese, so shestarted to speak in her native tongue. The recruiter identified herselfas a Chinese American (an immigrant NNES) and simply assumed thatXia would not qualify as a test scorer, which entailed reading andassessing ESOL students’ writing. Xia’s sense of powerlessness camefrom not being able to do anything about her NNES identity eventhough this temporary test-scoring job asked for bilingual test scorers.As a result of having taken a course in which she came to problema-tize the issues around the NES/NNES dichotomy and native speakerprestige, she was able to gain the knowledge needed to claim “bilin-gual” and “ideal” English-speaker identities. The revelation gleanedfrom this course gave her newfound understanding that there are mul-tiple varieties and dialects of English, as evidenced in speakers of WE(e.g., Jenkins, 2009; McArthur, 2001).

This particular course she took in her graduate program was dis-tinct in that the class focused on works by critical scholars whoembraced the lived experiences of NNESTs as multicompetent WEspeakers in interdisciplinary contexts (e.g., Canagarajah, 2006). Thisexperience of being able to problematize the existing discourse waswhat she had yearned for in coming to a program to learn newways of constructing knowledge. Yet Xia’s claiming of her bilingualidentity was not an option as a temporary test scorer working undera Chinese American recruiter. Xia was confused because her own


NNES identity and her teaching of ESOL students on a daily basiswould have more than qualified her to understand the writings ofESOL students. The disagreement between Xia and the recruiter inrelation to Xia’s linguistic identity is a striking illustration of howidentity constructions and negotiations become dialectical of thecontingent nature of positioning between self and other (Carroll,Motha, & Price, 2008; Norton, 2000; Pavlenko, 2003). The immi-grant NNES recruiter stated, “[The students’] handwriting is verypoor and their language is really poor, and you probably cannotread it because you are an NNES” (Interview, 1/05). This statementdid not make sense to Xia; she believed that the test-scoring peoplewanted an NES who was also fluent in another language and not aninternational student. However, the job advertisement did not stipu-late such a restrictive requirement. After trying to explain to therecruiter that she herself was more than qualified for this temporaryjob, Xia was allowed to start if and only if she went through a train-ing session scoring sample tests, even though NES candidates werenot required to go through an extensive training. Xia felt that shehad to prove her EL abilities not only to NESs but to immigrantNNESs as well. As a result of her encounter with the Chinese Amer-ican recruiter, Xia commented on the fact that it would be difficultto have her bilingual identity legitimized in various English-speakingcommunities.

In addition to being marginalized by the Chinese American recrui-ter on campus, Xia was faced with a discouraging comment from aChinese, non-TESOL friend just before Xia began the first day of herstudent teaching in an elementary classroom:

SNAPSHOT 4He burst into laughter. He said, “You were only here for one and a

half years and you are going to teach English [to kids who don’t speakEnglish]?”... I was kind of upset. (Interview, 1/05)

This assessment from a Chinese friend prompted Xia to reveal herinsecurities about her EL proficiency: “How could I teach other peopleEnglish when my English is not perfect?” (Interview, 1/05). Shestarted to question the ELT policy whereby foreign-born NNESTs weregiven opportunities to teach English or teach in English. “It is impos-sible for [us] to speak native English, speak English as a native”(Interview, 1/05). Her ingrained belief was that if a person taughtEnglish, then he or she would have to be perfect in English; hence,one had to claim an NES identity in order to teach English. Withthis embarrassing incident weighing heavily on her mind, Xia beganthe first day of her student teaching experience in her TESOLprogram.

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Xia’s marginalized experiences due to her perceived EL deficiencyparallel many of the autobiographical narratives written by NNES pro-fessionals. For instance, the edited works by Kamhi-Stein (2004),Braine (1999, 2005, 2010), and Llurda (2005) showcase the challengesencountered by NNES teachers, graduate students, and other profes-sionals while studying and teaching in English-speaking contexts asthey interact with their NES counterparts.

Consciousness-Raising of NNEST Identity

Xia’s construction of her EL identity blossomed with her studentteaching practicum under the mentorship of Ms. Tomiko, a native ofJapan. Ms. Tomiko had received her K–12 degree and certification inthe United States and had been teaching elementary ESOL since1999.

After the first week of her student teaching under the guidance ofMs. Tomiko, Xia articulated her understanding of the relationshipbetween being a language teacher and her level of confidence. Aslearner and user of English, Xia was confident about her Englishbecause everyone could see that she was an NNES and her languagewas “good enough” to interact with both NNESs and NESs. However,her level of confidence became altered when she shifted her role froma learner and user of English to an ESOL teacher:

SNAPSHOT 5But as a teacher, [My EL ability]... decreases my confiden[ce]. It’s

not like we can find excuses for ourselves in speaking Chinglish. Ispeak Chinglish purposefully..., but [I] can’t do that as a teacher.(Interview, 1/05)

To Xia, there was a definite divide between her social language as astudent and her academic professional language as a teacher in thatshe wanted to be perfect in English in order to be seen as a credibleESOL teacher (for similar experiences, see Butler, 2007; Li, 1998;Llurda, 2005; Lui, Ahn, Baek, & Hahn, 2004). Xia’s construction ofgraduate student and ESOL teacher identities can be interpreted usingGee’s (2004) construct of social languages within various types of dis-courses. Xia’s social languages would offer her ways not only to com-municate informally with colleagues in her graduate school program(e.g., using “Chinglish”) but to be recognized by others as an ELteacher using only proper AmSE (Bolton, 2005) and not “Chinglish”9

9 Though much has been written on the topic of China English/Chinglish to denote avariety of English spoken in China among Chinese English speakers, there is a stigmaassociated with using Chinglish as a nonstandard form of English.


(He & Li, 2009). The very decision that Xia made about not usingChinglish in her ESOL class alludes to the perceptions of AmSE beingequated with proper English for teaching.

It was primarily through her student teaching practicum under Ms.Tomiko that Xia was able to validate her sense of EL identity and gainconfidence as an NNES ESOL teacher. Even with this burgeoningsense of professional identity, she realized through her teaching expe-riences under Ms. Tomiko that she would always have to work hard toestablish legitimacy or credibility for herself as a qualified NNESESOL teacher because English is not her first language. More impor-tant, Xia emerged from her student teaching with the knowledge thatteaching ESOL has as much to do with the attitude that one exhibitstoward one’s students and the relationships that one establishes withthem as it does with how well one speaks English. With this growthstemming from her educational and teaching experiences, Xia cameto recognize that being a bilingual NNES who could utilize culturaland linguistic experiences in crafting her teaching pedagogy, coupledwith addressing the needs of her students, was as important as, if notmore important than, being recognized as and claiming the NESTidentity. In addition, the experiences of both Xia and Ms. Tomikoexemplify the “production and reproduction of power relationships ininstitutions (such as schools) and society” (Hawkins & Norton, 2009,p. 32).

Xia’s level of confidence increased due to having a supportive andencouraging mentor teacher. Yet Xia felt that international teacherswere under more pressure than NESTs after observing Ms. Tomiko’sexperience at the school and reflecting on her own experience as aninternational student. Xia could tell that her mentor teacher workedextremely hard to prove to herself and her mainstream teaching com-munity that she was a credible teacher and indeed qualified to teachESOL. Xia noticed that Ms. Tomiko frequently worked late hours toprepare for the next day’s lesson. Xia stated that every action she wit-nessed in Ms. Tomiko came from her commitment to her ESOL stu-dents. Xia felt that Ms. Tomiko’s way of motivating and engagingstudents came from her heart.

SNAPSHOT 6The kids are so bright that if you care for them, then they know.

They can tell from your face, your eyes, and they really like you. If youdon’t, then they can tell, and they will stay away from you. They arelike clams, and they are going to close. (Interview, 1/05)

In addition, Xia came to better understand that being an ESOLteacher was truly about caring for students’ academic needs. As wasinterpreted and perceived by Xia, Ms. Tomiko’s listening to students

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was a form of pedagogy of love and transformation. To this end, Xiaadmitted that even though she did not have a strong sense of ESOLteacher identity, her sense of NNES identity was slowly being trans-formed as a result of being mentored by Ms. Tomiko.

SNAPSHOT 7I am never afraid of being recognized as an NNES. I am kind of

proud.... I speak two languages.... I want to improve my Englishbut not for the purpose of being identified as an NES. (Interview, 1/05)

Snapshots 1–7 are a glimpse into the experiences of Xia in China asan ELL, in her TESOL program as an NNEST, and in a student teachingand mentoring program working with an NNEST in an elementaryschool context. Although the focus of this article is on Xia, it is impor-tant to note that her narratives illustrate the diversity in NNEST experi-ences in the larger study in which each woman’s narrative is complex.Whereas Xia’s narratives exemplify the ultimate acceptance of her NNESidentity in the United States, the narratives of another study participant,Liu,10 show negative experiences throughout her educational journey,resulting in self-marginalization of her EL identity. Another participant,Han Nah, a Korean woman married with two children, on the otherhand ultimately chose to teach Korean in the United States while com-pleting her TESOL degree, claiming her dominant linguistic identity.Her narrative depicts the ways in which she transformed her multipleidentities to accommodate the situation she was in as a mother andspouse living in the United States (Park, 2009). In contrast, Shu-Mingconfidently claimed her bilingual identity as a Taiwanese American, andshe saw this linguistic identity as a form of privilege. Even though sheand I both readily claimed our bilingual identity, her experience as anNNEST was different from mine. I believe that I experienced more self-perceived marginalization due to my EL identity. I am not certainwhether this perceived marginal linguistic identity was due to my desireto be in and be seen as a legitimate member of the academy. Finally, YuRi, the youngest participant in the study and the one with the leastteaching experience, took everything in and was willing and eager tolearn and experience as an NNEST in order to capitalize on her educa-tional experience in the United States. The distinctive experiencesencountered by each woman in the larger study illustrate the need toheighten our awareness of those both visible and invisible in TESOLprograms and scholarly contexts.

10 Liu is from China; Han Nah and Yu Ri are from Korea; Shu-Ming is a TaiwaneseAmerican.


IMPLICATIONS FOR TESOL TEACHER EDUCATION

Although it is important to realize that Xia’s narrative is unique toher experiences, it raises our sensitivities to issues that may confrontNNESTs from diverse backgrounds. An examination from an emicperspective can enable the members of TESOL programs to see theinner worlds of NNESTs and can lead to (re)shaping the contents ofthe TESOL curricula. The teachers’ life histories illustrate a wealth ofinformation about their personal, educational, and professional his-tory, which can serve as a foundation from which to design curricula,provide professional development workshops/seminars, and search forfuture teaching opportunities for TESOL teacher candidates (Florio-Ruane, 2001). Working with life history narratives would be an imple-mentation of a pedagogy of narrative (Berman et al., 1991; Motha et al.,2009), giving teachers a means to arrive at a greater understanding ofteaching and learning and to probe their experiences for how domi-nant ideologies manifest themselves in their lives and the lives of oth-ers. In addition, Xia’s narrative rendering of lived experiences couldprovide insights for TESOL professors and students into understand-ing NNESTs from similar backgrounds, using an autobiographicalapproach to conceptualizing curriculum. These insights could assistTESOL programs in (re)conceptualizing their curricula, meeting thedemands of their graduates seeking teaching jobs throughout theworld.

Making TESOL Programs More Culturally Responsive andRelevant: Promoting Particularity, Practicality, and Possibility

Gaining knowledge of teacher candidates’ backgrounds by havingthem share their life histories may be one of the most powerful meansof conceptualizing and developing materials appropriate for their edu-cational and professional goals (Florio-Ruane, 2001; Gay, 2010; John-son, 2009; Pavlenko, 2003). Knowing their backgrounds is important,given that these teachers will eventually be responsible for teachingstudents in a variety of educational contexts. Life history constructionsreveal how teachers’ identities have been negotiated and constructedprior to and during their time spent in TESOL programs where multi-ple discourses and counterdiscourses shape and reshape the teachers’understanding of their work as English teachers. One way for TESOLprograms to understand their teacher candidates’ backgrounds is tohave the teachers construct their life histories during their firstsemester of coursework as a way of understanding how their past

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experiences can connect to present and future academic and profes-sional goals. By weaving into the TESOL curricula multiple methodsof exploring and documenting the teachers’ life histories, TESOL pro-grams position themselves to embrace and promote the backgroundknowledge and experiences that teacher candidates (NESTs andNNESTs alike) bring with them.

As Kumaravadivelu (2001) notes, teacher candidates’ life historiesmay reveal the parameter of particularity that is crucial to being “sensi-tive to a particular goal within a particular institutional context embed-ded in a particular sociocultural milieu” (p. 538) of teachers’ past toinform their current and future teaching contexts. Connected to theparameter of particularity, it is vital to TESOL programs to engageteacher candidates in understanding the relationship between theoryand practice in integrating the local knowledge and teacher candi-dates’ practicing knowledge into the set of theories gleaned from theirTESOL curricula. Through the life histories of teacher candidates,TESOL programs could become professionally accountable for provid-ing and enacting culturally relevant and sensitive pedagogies that areneeded to move away from Western ideology–based approachesembedded in the ELT field. Providing opportunities for teacher candi-dates to fold in their local knowledge of their future teaching contextscan lead to possibilities for empowering learners and teachers to takeownership of and appropriate English for their own purposes andvision (Kumaravadivelu, 2001, 2003).

Becoming Critically Conscious of Multiple Identity Options

Many scholars (e.g., Florio-Ruane, 2001; Nieto, 2010; Park, 2008)discuss the need for teachers to construct their autobiographies inorder to “probe more deeply their formations and their relationshipwith others” (Florio-Ruane, 2001, p. 5) so that they can becomechange agents for self and others.

Just as it is important to understand the diversity among NNESTs inTESOL programs by having them construct and share their lifehistories, it is equally important to provide a wide range of criticalperspectives within TESOL curricula for teacher candidates to beknowledgeable about and claim their multiple identity options(Canagarajah, 2005; Cook, 1995; Jenkins, 2009; Pavlenko, 2003). Withthe spread of English all over the world and discussions around decon-structing the notion of Standard English, there is a sense of urgencyfor TESOL programs to reflect the understandings of diverse WE iden-tities available. NNESTs with backgrounds similar to Xia’s have theoption to identify themselves as NNESTs, bilinguals, multilinguals,


and/or WE speakers (Jenkins, 2009). Having the option to claim mul-tiple linguistic identities, and understanding that these options mayshift with time and contexts, needs to come from the interactionsNNESTs have with the course readings, other NESTs/NNESTs, andthe writings produced in their coursework. It is the responsibility ofTESOL programs and their faculty members to provide teacher candi-dates with academic opportunities to unpack the dominant ideologiesand discourses deployed during class sessions in order to explore theirlinguistic identity options.

More often than not, politics (e.g., privileging certain university pro-grams in terms of adding faculty lines and providing funding to con-duct cutting edge research) far outweighs the academic andprofessional needs of teacher candidates and their future students indetermining curricula. When a majority of teacher candidates inTESOL programs desire to teach in non-English-dominant countriesor work with WE speakers all over the world (including the UnitedStates), then it is only ethical and responsible for the contents of theprograms to shift to meet the very needs of those students. (Re)envi-sioning the programs to enact these powerful ideas so that the teach-ers can, ultimately, be equipped with the appropriate theoretical andpedagogical tools for empowerment is not an option but a necessity(Chacon, 2009; Freire, 2003; McKay & Bokhorst-Heng, 2008).

Integrating Field Experience Throughout TESOL Programs

TESOL has come to be seen as a complex social practice (John-son, 2009). Therefore, teaching needs to be situated beyond thecoursework as a way for students to bridge theory and practice.Xia’s narrative illustrates her transformation from an NNES toNNES ESOL teacher as a result of her student teaching experience.She was able to connect TESOL theories learned in her courseworkto her authentic teaching experiences, which gave her opportunitiesto teach a diverse group of ESOL students. More important, Xiawitnessed the implementation of an ethic of care by Ms. Tomikotoward her students.

As a result of many challenges (e.g., economic, programmatic, per-sonal, institutional) faced by TESOL programs, which could lead tointended and unintended consequences for teacher candidates, manyTESOL programs in the United States situate field placements at theend of coursework or have fragmented classroom observations withincertain classes. However, one notable program, the DevelopmentalTeacher Education Program at the University of California at Berkeley(Snyder, 2000), assigns equal importance to both coursework and

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student teaching, requiring five field placements throughout the2 years of study. Perhaps one way to strengthen existing TESOL pro-grams is to share field placement resources such as professional devel-opment schools or have a consortium agreement through whichteacher candidates could take classes in different TESOL programsthat would count toward graduation. Understanding and strengthen-ing TESOL program identity can also occur by looking at major TE-SOL programs in ICCs, OCCs, and ECCs to explore each program’saffordances and constraints in carrying out its mission.

TESOL programs around the world are housed in a variety of disci-plines: education departments, languages and literature departments,English departments, and linguistics departments. The multidisciplinedfocus of TESOL programs may potentially minimize the value of fieldplacement because, depending on the department in which a TESOLprogram is housed, teaching experiences and the mentoring thatcomes with teaching may not be its primary emphasis due to a varietyof constraints. However, the integration of field placements through-out TESOL programs becomes even more critical as the number ofELLs continue to increase in the U.S. K–16 contexts (National Educa-tion Association Report, 2010). This demographic shift is omnipresentin U.S. public education due to immigration; international studententrance into K–16; and policies mandating English Only classrooms, atrend that is increasingly evident in OCCs and ECCs as well (Bolton,2005; National Education Association Report, 2010; Nunan, 2003;Open Doors Report, 2009). The presence of ELLs in K–16 contextswould provide means to experience firsthand theory-to-practice imple-mentation. Student teachers’ classroom practices can promote ways tofoster critical praxis and self-reflections, which “can lead to change andempowerment ... as a way to develop new conceptual tools” (Brutt-Griffler & Samimy, 1999, p. 429) to navigate the dominant discoursesembedded in what it means to teach English as an NNEST.

Much is needed to enhance the ability of TESOL programs towork with teacher candidates in the era of internationalization andglobalization. With hundreds of TESOL programs throughout theworld, and a continuous increase in the number of internationalstudents in the United States within specific disciplines (e.g., educa-tion, English, literature, linguistics; Open Doors Report, 2010), thereis a need for a national study. Such a study (and similar studies inother countries) could focus on a variety of partnerships betweenU.S. TESOL programs and neighboring K–16 schools as a way togather a critical set of data necessary to forge ahead in strengthen-ing the TESOL programs’ ability to serve the needs of all teachercandidates and their students.


ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I thank the TESOL Quarterly editors, Diane Belcher, Alan Hirvela, and Suresh Canaga-rajah, as well as the anonymous reviewers for their mentorship. I am indebted to thefive women for allowingme the privilege to enter their lives and learn from them.

THE AUTHOR

Gloria Park is an assistant professor in the Composition and TESOL Program atIndiana University of Pennsylvania, in Pennsylvania. Her teaching and researchinterests focus on teachers’ narratives, qualitative research, and critical pedagogyissues in second language teacher education.

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APPENDIX 1: DIRECTIONS FOR E-AUTO11

In addition to general demographic information (i.e., date of birth,marital status, study abroad/teaching experiences, length of formal

11 I have only included sample questions.


education completed in your native context), please respond to thefollowing questions via email at your earliest convenience:

PART I: Native Contexts

1. How is TEFL/TESL viewed in your country?

2. Who has access to EL learning in your country?

3. When did you first become interested in learning/teachingEnglish in your native country?

4. What features of learning/teaching English most appealed to you?Which features least appealed to you?

PART II: U.S. Contexts

5. Describe your EL learning/teaching experiences in the UnitedStates.

6. Where/who did you teach? How did other teachers and studentsview you, do you think?

PART III: U.S. TESOL Program

7. Why are you in a TESOL program?

8. What are some of your significant EL learning and teaching expe-riences that have led you to a TESOL program path?

APPENDIX 2: DIRECTIONS FOR E-JOURNAL ENTRIES

Keep a journal of incidents that occur in your academic, personal,and professional contexts during your TESOL program that may bethought-provoking and/or may trigger memory of other incidents thathave happened in the past. Complete journal entries at least once amonth, and send them via email. Your entries can be brief narrativesthat describe the incidents and your reflections of those incidents thathave occurred

(a) in your graduate TESOL courses; (b) during interactions with indi-viduals in both TESOL and non-TESOL contexts; and (c) while com-pleting class assignments, projects, and conversations around

a. your understanding of NEST and NNEST constructs,

b. your experience as an East Asian woman in TESOL and yourunderstanding of how the program has met (or not) your aca-demic and professional goals.

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Guiding questions for constructing your journal entries:

1. Date:

2. Where did the incident occur?

3. Who was involved?

4. Detail the incidents and your reflections on the incidents.

5. Additional thoughts triggered by the incidents.


Documents

"I am never afraid of...." TESOL Quarterly