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With your partnerVocabulary of Emotions
What emotions do I have difficulty feeling?What emotions do I have difficulty expressing?
EmotionWhat role do emotions serve interpersonally?Bradford & Huckabay Convey crucial information Signify importance Allow us to be known Early warning system
EmotionVictor Johnston, New Mexico State“Discriminant hedonic amplifiers”Boost signals in our mental landscapeThis is why…
Emotions areattention magnets
Photo by Garrett Mace [link]
Can I give you
Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link]
some feedback?
Why is feedback
Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link]
so stressful?
Feedback and
Photo by Mykl Roventine [link]
social threat
Photo by State Farm [link]
Threat responseFight, flight or freeze
Photo by State Farm [link]
Threat responsePhysiological
Adrenaline & cortisolOptimized for strength & speed
Photo by State Farm [link]
Threat responseEmotional
Fear & angerPrimed for snap judgments
Photo by State Farm [link]
Threat responseCognitive
Negativity biasImpairment & diminished capacity
Social threat
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Some social situations ≈ Physical threatsSame response
PhysiologicalEmotionalCognitive
Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
SCARF modelDavid Rock, NeuroLeadership InstituteWhat social situations trigger a threat response?
SCARF modelStatus
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SCARF modelStatusCertainty
Photo by Amy Ashcraft [link]
SCARF modelStatusCertaintyAutonomy
Photo by Charles Hoffman [link]
SCARF modelStatusCertaintyAutonomyRelatedness
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SCARF modelStatusCertaintyAutonomyRelatednessFairness
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Reframe the experienceOffering feedback ≠ Higher statusEmphasize choice & agencyBuild the relationship*Remember the Net
When gettingfeedback
When givingAvoid a threat responseBe mindful of perceived statusMore certainty & autonomyBuild the relationship*Remember the Net
feedback
RelationshipsFeeling known by the otherA culture of appreciationResponding to bidsMutual influenceA soft start*
A soft start
Photo by Phil McElhinney [link]
Not like this
A soft start
Photo by Oakley Originals [link]
Like this
3 triggers
Photo by Wendy [link]
Stone & Heen, Harvard Program on NegotiationWhat blocks feedback?What triggers defensiveness?
3 triggers
Photo by Wendy [link]
TruthRelationshipIdentity
With your partner
Photo by Wendy [link]
TruthRelationshipIdentity
How do these triggers affect me?What do they feel like personally?
Have yourStone, Patton & HeenHow can we manage feelings more effectively?(Manage ≠ suppress)
feelings…
In your half-What does it mean…
…to negotiate with my feelings?…to express my feelings fully &
carefully?
groups