Write Tight(er) 12-01-2013

HowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnston

Write Tight (er) Marcia Riefer Johnston

A Time-Saving, Pain-Free Technique for Selling

Yourself, Your Company, or Your Products through

Your Words

Quick, which ad would you call

concise?

HowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnstonHowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnstonHowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnstonHowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnston

What does conciseness mean (and not mean)?

How much difference can conciseness make?

In what ways does conciseness help me sell?

How can I write more concisely?

Time-saving, pain-free technique

WORKSHOP BREAK

Three-minute video

#ICCSJ2014

No headline?

#ICCSJ2014

No headline?

No bullets?

#ICCSJ2014

No headline?

No bullets? No

verbiage?

#ICCSJ2014

No headline?

No bullets? No

verbiage?

How concise!

#ICCSJ2014

No headline?

No bullets? No

verbiage?

How concise!

HowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnstonHowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnston

WordsWordsWordsWords

WordsWords

WordsWordsWords

WordsWords

Minimalism

Concise means “minimal.”

Concise means “minimal.”Not short.

“Cut me a short string.”

“Cut me a short string.” Huh?

“Cut me a short string.”

Make text (like string) as long as needed.

Not robospeak.

Push button.

Not robospeak.

Push button. Push the button.

Not robospeak.

Keep the the.

Push button. Push the button.

Not gutted for mobile.

Don’t think, “Smartphone users won’t need that.”

They will.

Example

No discussion board?

Example

No calendar?

Example

Concise ≠ Gutted

No calendar?

Example

Minimal.

Enough to meet your audiences’ needs

Minimal.

Enough to accomplish your purpose

Minimal.

No more

Minimal.

No more No less

Write Tight(er): A Time-Saving, Pain-Free

Technique for Selling Yourself, Your Company, or Your

Products through Your Words

Audience needs: “What’s in it for me?”

My purpose: Get you here

No more

No more No less

“Measured usability was dramatically higher for the concise version [of the website]—58% better.” !

Nielsen Norman Group www.nngroup.com/articles/

how-users-read-on-the-web

Small screens

Translation costs

Small screens

Translation costs

Readability

Small screens

Translation costs

Readability

Think usability, engagement.

“But I don’t write for small screens.”

Maybe your readers see a big window.

... or maybe your readers see this.

“Full site” view

“Mobile site” view

Maybe your readers see this.

“But I already write concisely.”This is your toothbrush when it’s new. The blue bristles are blue all the way to their tips.

This is your toothbrush when it’s ready to replace. The blue bristles have turned half white.

“But I already write concisely.”This is your toothbrush when it’s new. The blue bristles are blue all the way to their tips.

Visual-verbal redundancy

Your readers want this.

Especially if you translate.

Philips Sonicare™ toothbrush

“But my stuff isn’t translated.”

Get ready!

How much can a word cost?

You may be needing a loan.

How much can a word cost?words6

You may need a loan.

words6

5 words

words6

5 words

words6

5 words

1 word

words6

5 words

1 word

Translation cost (or savings):

words6

5 words

1 word

words6

5 words

1 word

words6

5 words

1 word

1 sentence, 1 language

$ 0.25

words6

5 words

1 word

$ 0.25

words6

5 words

1 word

10,000 sentences,* 1 language

$ 0.25

* the size of a Harry Potter novel

words6

5 words

1 word

$ 0.25

$ 2,500.00

words6

5 words

1 word

$ 0.25

$ 2,500.00

words6

5 words

1 word

10,000 sentences,* 25 languages

$ 0.25

$ 2,500.00

$ 62,500.00

words6

5 words

1 word

$ 0.25

$ 2,500.00

$ 62,500.00

words6

5 words

1 word

a word? How so?

Close enough

a word? How so?

Close enough

Varies with the language

a word? How so?

Close enough

Depends on the translation memory (database)

a word? How so?

Close enough

Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word

a word? How so?

Close enough

Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word

Full price

a word? How so?

Close enough

Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match Full price

a word? How so?

Close enough

Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match Full price

Pay less

a word? How so?

Close enough

Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match “perfect” match

Full price

Pay less

a word? How so?

Close enough

Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match “perfect” match

You still pay!

Full price

Pay less

Whether or not you translate,

whatever size your page or screen,

you owe it to yourself to ask …

Dump these words!*

Dump these words!**unless you need them

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact that

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjust

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order to

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbial

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particular

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particularverbiage

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particularverbiageany other verbiage or unneeded words that you can pitch

See be-verbs.

Examples

“Bias tape has the advantage of being able to be applied smoothly around curves as well as straight.”

The fix might not be self-evident.

You have to think.

(Not too painful.)

“A scheme of which every part promises delight can never be successful.”

—Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

“A scheme of which every part promises delight can never be successful.”

—Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

Our IT team wants to be predictive.

What does the team

want to do?

“Write when there is something that you know; and not before; and not too damned much after.”

—Ernest Hemingway

“Write when there is something that you know; and not before; and not too damned much after.”

—Ernest Hemingway

“ There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things

that we know we don’t know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things

we don’t know we don’t know.” (attributed to a one-time US secretary of defense)

We don’t know diddly—

We don’t know diddly—except to avoid be-verbs.

See be-verbs.

-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)

Jane fully expects a big publisher to snap up her first novel.

Please listen carefully to the following choices so that we can immediately direct your call to the appropriate person.

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs)

very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)

Fred likes his toast very dry.

Fred likes his toast so dry.

Fred likes such dry toast.

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)

not, no (& other negative words)

Do not use negative phrasing.

The Oregon Ducks have not lost a “Civil War” game to their archrivals, the Beavers, in seven years.

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words)

the fact that

Given the fact that Joan had read up on topic-based writing before her group installed the content-management system, everyone went to her with questions.

Concept Task Reference

Given the fact that Joan had read up on topic-based writing before her group installed the content-management system, everyone went to her with questions.

Concept Task Reference

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that

It's just that I just say just a lot. I just have the habit, so it’s just hard to stop saying it.

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just

begin to, try to, tend to, in order to

Michael Noer handed the six-year-old the tablet. With no instruction, and never having seen a computer, the boy began to swipe the screen, launch apps, and play a pinball game.

Try to focus on breathing.

“Stop trying to hit me, and hit me.” —Morpheus to Neo

“Do or do not. There is no try.”

—Yoda

“When our tools don’t work, we tend to blame ourselves for being too stupid or not reading the manual or having too fat fingers.”

—Lev Grossman, Time

“When our tools don’t work, we tend to blame ourselves for being too stupid or not reading the manual or having too fat fingers.”

—Lev Grossman, Time

In order to divert 34,000 tons of food scraps from landfills, Portland created a curbside-pickup program for compostable waste.

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to

period of time

Jones and Caruthers have worked here for a long period of time.

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time

in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)

In light of my lack of cash, we stopped at an ATM.

In spite of his poor health, Samuel attended his niece’s graduation.

I prefer that TV in terms of cost.

“The word of is, in anything other than small doses, among the surest indications of flabby writing.”

—Bryan Garner Garner’s Modern American Usage

“The word of is, in anything other than small doses, among the surest indications of flabby writing.”

—Bryan Garner Garner’s Modern American Usage

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)

proverbial

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general) proverbial

different (as in many different, 36 different)

Our company understands the pros and cons of all these different technologies.

Steve Jobs’s name appears on 212 different Apple patents.

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general) proverbial different (as in many different, 36 different)

particular

Google’s CEO, Eric Schmidt, has a particular belief that Android’s open platform leads to more options and more consumer choice.

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general) proverbial different (as in many different, 36 different) particular

verbiage

We’ll throw some verbiage in there.

Want a tip for making this technique even

more time-saving and pain-free?

HowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnstonHowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnstonHowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnston

Try this.

Another translation example

Updates are needed to your content.

Another translation examplewords6

Your content needs updating.

words6

4 words

words6

4 words

words6

4 words

2 words

words6

4 words

2 words

words6

4 words

2 words

$ 0.501 sentence, 1 language !10,000 sentences, 1 language !10,000 sentences, 25 languages

$ 5,000.00

$ 125,000.00

Translation savings:

words6

4 words

2 words

$ 0.501 sentence, 1 language !10,000 sentences, 1 language !10,000 sentences, 25 languages

$ 5,000.00

$ 125,000.00

Translation savings:

It’s worth noting that most readers do not want to wade through huge volumes of information to find what they need.

Nobody wants to wade through volumes.

15-word reduction x 10,000 sentences x 25 languages saves ...

$ 937,500.00

A cool mill.$ 937,500.00

This is your toothbrush when it’s new. The blue bristles are blue all the way to their tips.

Bet you didn’t miss the headline I deleted.

It’s mind-boggling to consider what TIGHTENING that

dramatic would do to IMPROVES KEYWORD DENSITY.

Adjectives • absolutely certain, absolutely essential, absolutely

guaranteed, completely necessary, totally sure • bald-headed • best ever, first ever • blue in color, few in number, long in duration, nubbly in

texture, round in shape, slovenly in appearance, short in height, slow in speed, small in size, tall in stature

• booked solid • exact same, same exact, same identical • filled to capacity • incredible to believe, visible to the eye, warm to the touch

Nouns • actual experience, actual fact • added bonus • advance notice, advance planning, advance preview,

advance reservations, advance warning • all-time favorite, all-time record • alternative choice • anonymous stranger • annual anniversary • armed gunman • artificial prosthesis • autobiography of her own life, biography of his life

Nouns • actual experience, actual fact • added bonus • advance notice, advance planning, advance preview,

advance reservations, advance warning • all-time favorite, all-time record • alternative choice • anonymous stranger • annual anniversary • armed gunman • artificial prosthesis • autobiography of her own life, biography of his life

And that’s just the a’s.

Verbs • add an additional • aid and abet, cease and desist, pick and choose • allow you to be able to • always include • ask the question • assemble together, attach together, blend together,

collaborate together, combine together, confer together, connect together, cooperate together, fuse together, gather together, join together, integrate together, meet together, merge together, mingle together, mix together, pool together, share together, splice together

Odds and Ends

• 6 a.m. in the morning, 10 p.m. in the evening, twelve noon, twelve midnight

• and etc.

• ATM machine, GOP party, GRE exam, HIV virus, ISBN number, LCD display, PIN number, RAM memory, UPC code—and my favorite: Please RSVP

Visual-verbal redundancy

HA-llo. DEE-na. DEES eez your MAH-ther.

www.HowToWriteEverything.com/Annals-of-Redundancy-Annals/

Write Tight(er) 12-01-2013

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