Marc Firestone: 15 Ways to Calm a Fight

15 Ways to Calm a FightMarc Firestone

No one enjoys fighting with their partner. The arguments and accusations are draining,and it can take hours – even days – to come down from the aftermath. Yet the fact

remains simple: Every couple fights at some point or another. Yet how every couplehandles conflict and deals with the tense, emotionally charged atmosphere packaged

within disagreement says a lot about the relationship’s health.

It’s what marriage counsellors have dubbed “fighting fair,” a series of relationship-focusedtechniques centered on keeping disagreements structured, tempers even, and words and emotions

calm.

Decreased resentment and animosity, quicker conversation turnaround, and overall happinessboosts in partner communication and attraction.

The results?

Bear a few of these cooldown tips in mind next

time you and your partnerare in an argument andyou’re looking to calm

things down:

Take deep breaths.

The trick is as old astime – or at least as old

as neuroscientistsproving the calming

effects of deep, steadybreathing. A deep breathwill literally slow yourphysiological reactionsdown so you can think

and speak clearer,diffusing the argument.

Hold hands.

Even in the peak ofheat arguing, holdinghands brings a layer

of intimacy andconnection between

the pair of you. Itwon’t solve any ofthe issues on thetable, but it will

soften the moodalmost

instantaneously.

Give compliments.This one can be tricky,but verbally recallingwhat you love about

your partner goes a longway in moments when

you only feel negativelytoward them. Don’t be

afraid to ask for acompliment or two in

return!

Put on calm music.

Music is one of the mostwell-researched methodsof reducing stress. When

your physicalsurroundings are tellingyour senses to bring it

down a notch, youremotions will follow suit.

Do not interrupt.We repeat: Do NOT interrupt your partner. Nothing good comes

when you’re repeatedly cutting off the other person. This will onlymake matters worse.

Never follow an apology with a “but…”

Your partner will only hear what comes after, and it will feel likeyou’re throwing further jabs.

CuddleSimilar to when you hold hands, your brain registers the

enveloping touch as signs of warmth and protection – definitely agood way to start calming a fight!

Gently ask follow-up questions.Tone is everything during conflict. The way you say something oftentimes is more

important than even what you’re even saying. Use diffusing question phrases, such as “Canyou explain that a bit more?” or “Tell me how [blank] made you feel.” The gentle questionswill make your partner feel listened to rather than attacked. Then ask them to use the same

technique for you.

ApologizeEven if you really, really don’t think you did anything wrong, you should always apologize

for hurting the other person.

ParaphraseRepeating what you believe your partner is trying to express is another great gesture to

make them feel heard. Doing so in steady and non-accusational tones works even better.

Do something comedic/ridiculousLaughter is an immediate de-stresser. If you can infuse a little humor into the situation, youwill practically feel the tension breaking from the room and the argument beginning to heal.

Light a candleAromatherapy, either through candles or essential oils, signals your brain to relax due to

the peaceful environment. For as odd as it sounds, marriage counselors often suggestcouples air out grievances in softly lit, pleasant-smelling spaces to stimulate mental

soothing agents.

Step outside.There’s a reason people listen to nature soundtracks in order to fall asleep. The outdoorscan have a profound impact on our mood, positively stimulating neurons in our brain and

awakening our five senses. Try stepping outside with your partner, taking a moment to feelthe breeze, bask in sunlight, or walk in warm grass before picking up the conversation.

Say I love you.

There’s nothing more potent in calming a fight

then reminding your partner of your

unconditional love.