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What does an effective parent do?
Good parent or effective parent?
Effective people are those who invest their energy in a way that achieves specific goals
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The goal of parenthood
Raising a child who
when he grows into adulthood
will be able to deal with whatever life hands him or her
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Wish list
self-confident with a positive self-image
content, happy
respects himself and others
responsible
independent
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Exam: our effectiveness as parents
Do our actions today bring us closer to our goals?
Is our child’s behavior appropriate ?
What conclusions does our child draw of himself and of the world?
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So, what does an effective parent do ?
One, giving the child a sense of belonging, capability, and worth .
Two, developing social interest in the child.
And three, giving the child life-skills, and training him to cooperate
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Sense of belonging
The feeling that we have a place and that we are worthy just as we are
We are loved and wantedWe make a difference by contributing according
to our capability
Connected, Capable, Count, CourageThe crucial Cs – B.L. Bettner
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A good sense of belonging
Self-confidencePositive self-image
CourageOptimism
Actions and thoughts will be directed
toward the useful side of life
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Belonging: to do list
Sharing
Consulting
Asking for help
Encouragement
Training
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Encouragement
Focus on the positiveAppreciate the effort regardless of the result
Avoid generalizationsMinimize the importance of mistakes
Focus on the deed not the doer
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Success
“Success is going from failure to failure
without losing enthusiasm”.
Churchill
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Social Interest
Genuine interest and concern for other peopledesire to contribute
to their welfare and development
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Why is it important to nurture SI in our children?
Mental health Happiness
Self-fulfillment
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Zeitgeist
From respect to love
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SI: to do list
Set an example
It is not all about you:Don’t pull the dog’s tail! He may bite you
That hurts the dogThe child as part of the family and not it’s center
Develop satisfaction postponement
Ask for helpNurture friendship
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A child with developed SI…
will be an adult whose problems will be life’s problems
and not problems regarding relationships with other people .
He won’t be preoccupied evaluating his worth and place, but can devote his energies to
expressing his desires and skills, for the general good as well as for his personal good .
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Teaching Cooperation
Love
BoundariesLove with boundaries
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What’s our problem?
despite adopting the democratic idea ,
we still haven’t acquired the necessarily democratic tools to encourage cooperation
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Consequences
Mistaken actions leads to unwanted consequences
Relationship:
action + consequence =
learning
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Natural consequences
what happens naturally
as a result of human actions
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Logical consequences
The reaction of the adults
to the child’s inappropriate behavior .
However, contrary to punishment ,
it is logically related to his behavior .
Related Respectful Reasonable
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Why it works?
Internal disciplineResponsibility
It is the child vs. life
and not the child vs. parents
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Consequences: to do list
Natural consequences:
If they are not dangerous- let them be
Logical consequencesNotify the child of the consequence
Child chooses behaviorThe consequence takes place
+ be empathetic23
When not to use them
Natural consequences:
Dangerous/long term situations
Logical consequences:
If you are in a power struggle
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If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive.
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty.If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns to be confident.If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love.
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.If a child lives with recognition, he learns it is good to have a goal.
If a child lives with honesty, he learns what truth is.If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice.
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith in himself and those around him.
If a child lives with friendliness, he learns the world is a nice place in which to live, to love and be loved .
Rudolf Dreikurs26
CDs
The Practical Guide for the Busy parent
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