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November 3, 2009University of Colorado AMI
5/1/2014 AMI 2
Negotiating at an Uneven TableDeveloping Moral Courage in Resolving Our Conflicts
Philip Piket Professor Emeritus Sociology
LouAnn Piket School Psychology Administrator
Melinda Piket-May Associate Professor Engineering
Book by Phyllis Beck Kritek
Jossey-Bass, 2002
Exciting New Paradigm in Negotiations
As I began to read the book I realized how extensive
my experience at an uneven table has been--
sometimes successful and sometimes very
frustrating.
• Women engineering student in England
• “Look, women can do engineering too”
AMI
5/1/2014 AMI 5
Definition
Uneven tables are:
“Places where assurance of justice or
fairness is unlikely/uncertain or both.”
(Kritek)
5/1/2014 AMI 6
Changing our Lenses
Familiar gets in the way of unfamiliar
We see things as we are
Not as they are
Five Challenges
1. Are uneven tables familiar? If so, how and
when do we recognize them?
2. Are we able to apply new approaches to
participating at an uneven table?
3. Is it possible to “even up” the table?
4. Is it hard to admit the reality that at times
participating in a discussion/negotiation
session assures nothing at all?
5. Can we start a dialogue to widen the windows
on human possibilities”? (Kritek)5/1/2014 AMI 7
The roots of our distortion
Distortions of Privilege: The elite have the
right answer, know the best things, ways.
Other views often disallowed, silenced,
dismissed or ignored.
The roots of our distortion
Distortions of Silence: Not seeing and
acknowledging the insights, knowledge,
skills and experience of others.
Example: The long struggle of feminism to
gain recognition of women’s knowledge,
insights, and unique experiences.
What you hope to find even is
actually uneven
Add fresh people who have never
been to the table and expect them
to successfully negotiate.
They feel unsophisticated
They are silent
– majority has got them
What you hope to find even is
actually uneven
New participant is expected to adapt
rather than change the traditional
process. If not, the new player is a
problem.
What you hope to find even is
actually uneven
Tradition often resists change or
viewpoints or processes that are
obvious and needed.
Recognizing an Uneven table
Examples:
How did we process the right of women to
vote and run for office?
How are we processing the place and rights
of gay and lesbian members of our society?
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Traditional approaches
to an uneven table
Today’s challenge is the need for a new paradigm.
There are two essential elements in solving a
problem, portions of which are often overlooked or
skipped in a traditional approach:
Name and describe the problem.
Identify solutions and select the best among them
for implementation.
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Traditional approaches
to an uneven table
What goes on at traditional negotiating tables that
interferes and/or blocks an even table setting:
Agendas of deceit and injustice
Calling a meeting to “discuss” options for solving a
problem when the decisions have already been made
The recommendation of some negotiation experts that
manipulation is the “tool of choice”
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Traditional approaches
to an uneven table
What goes on at traditional negotiating tables that
interferes and/or blocks an even table setting:
Use of the tools of manipulation include:
Praise and flattery;
Lying and deception;
Helpfulness;
This manipulation starts with a directive that leads
responsibility to be solely with the person being helped.
“Oh you will be so good at this…how can I help you?”
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Imagining new approaches to an
uneven table
From Either/Or to Both/And
What if in addition to seeing the forest we were
fascinated as much by the interconnected trees,
plants, and animals in the complex ecosystem.
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Traditional Way of Being
Patriarchal in nature
A man optimally functions as a kindly
but firm father who will control others
Hierarchical ,
prescribed levels of power and control over others
Dominant power and control
as a central source of meaning
A goal worthy to be sought , once attained, retained
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Traditional Way of Being
Materialistic
Deny ignore discount dimensions of reality
which cannot be
visibly seen measured or controlled
Rational and analytical
Want to win at any cost
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Traditional Way of Being
Prefer science knowledge to any other way
Discount and trivialize all other ways of knowing
Science solves problems
Tool of competition between theories
(either/or) identifies the answer
Even when the results are troublesome or inadequate
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A model of paradigm shifts
for the millennium
Paradigm shifts happen when traditional thinking
doesn’t work any more
Traditionally people worry about solving the
problem
The real issue is identifying the problem
Alcohol is a symptom, not the problem
Technology has allowed the world to “shrink”,
we are all in this world together and can’t all be
right
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A model of paradigm shifts
for the millennium
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The shifts to new ways of being
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Constructive ways of being at an
uneven table
Kritek describes many “constructive ways of
being” for successful negotiation at an uneven
table. Her list partially includes
Honor your integrity, even at great cost
Be a truth teller
Find a place for compassion at the table
innovate
Know what you do and do not know
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A Way of Being: Find and inhabit the deepest and
surest human space that your capabilities permit
When you start thinking about deeper and surer
things, you might be surprised at how many things
actually do mean a great deal more to you than
controlling someone or something.
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Dominance Power = Power as Control
Power is a complex phenomenon. James Hillman in his
book Kinds of Power (1995) identifies 20 kinds of power.
Yet, control or Dominance Power remains the focus of our
society and the focus of uneven tables.
Dominance power does not lend itself to change.
DOMINANCE POWER
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Find and inhabit the deepest and surest
human space that your capabilities permit
The uneven table may be set so we can not exercise
dominant power
This gives us a chance to observe someone who has
habituated dominant power to sustain her or his
habit
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Find and inhabit the deepest and surest
human space that your capabilities permit
Tables (meetings) where the struggle for power
dominate the entire process
Fatigue and boredom for most
Lifeless process, predictable and without any
significant creative potential
5/1/2014 AMI 29
Find and inhabit the deepest and surest
human space that your capabilities permit
Avoid if possible those tables where you
experience nothing more than the tediousness of
power negotiations
Pick tables where the issues are more interesting,
more creative – they create new realities that
make more sense than previous endeavors and
are more rewarding
5/1/2014 AMI 30
Find and inhabit the deepest and surest
human space that your capabilities permit
Facticity vs wisdom
Facticity great for trivial pursuit but not as helpful
with profound human dilemma's
We need reflection time in our life, once we
practice reflection we begin to be useful
participants in the effort to find deeper and surer
ways of attending to conflict
5/1/2014 AMI 31
Powerless at an uneven table
You have little to lose
This gives you great deal of freedom to move the
discussion into a deeper place
Underrated dimension of being at the uneven
table
Sometimes even funny
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Find and inhabit the deepest and surest
human space that your capabilities permit
Staying with the deeper meaning can take a lot of
energy sometimes
Cheapen or trivialize your points
Justice, compassion, and honesty are niceties
Have no place in a hardball world
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Going deeper: Nice in theory
It is seen as moving mountains…but there is a lot
of dominance power in the foothills
Resistance to moving to deeper places can be an
obsession for some
This can be harmful
You may want to leave the table
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Increasing self awareness
Comfortable with self honesty and self
confrontation, but without having to be perfect
Disturbing to people hoping you will collapse with
criticism – it may increase their attacks
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Lessons of humility
Introducing deeper issues can evoke discrediting
behavior …. deal with injury and pride … may
have to back out of some situations
Wiser to face your limits than indulge in self
deception that wreaks further havoc
Some tables will never be safe until you are more
secure
Are you sparring over power or an issue?
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Being in your place
Find deeper places for your self
What is best for students
What meets the university mission
What fulfills our philosophy of teaching
Sense of a community
Community- student- staff- faculty- administrator
Knowledge to community in a useful and
meaningful fashion
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If it is dear to me
I want it to be dear to you
Everyone has unique stories which are
deep
But don’t want to be proselytizing
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Know when to leave the table
Participants initially accept the invitation but
quickly reject it when they realize old habits will
need to be released.
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Know when to leave the table
Participants tell you that your
comments/perceptions (your “truth”) are not
germane to the subject and need not be discussed
suggesting that negotiations are not authentic.
Selected truths are thus denied.
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Know when to leave the table
Others ask you to “sell your soul” or no longer
honor your integrity. What it means and how
often it is stated may suggest a table whose goals
you cannot embrace.
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Think of places you negotiate
Write down hopes or convictions you embrace which take
you beyond controlling the negotiation
See how broad in scope it is
How deep it takes you into the best of your character
Compelling quality for all humans
Write down all the reasons why you could not introduce
these surer and deeper issues into negotiations
Be honest and rigorous here
There are risks: name them
Now try just one .. See where it takes you and the
conversation (it helps if you start in a safe place)
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Imagining the future
What do you Imagine?
AMI
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