Swimming with Sharks in the Sea of Discouragement Myles Bancroft, APA, ALCM NSIPA – Las Vegas

Swimming with Sharks in the Sea of Discouragement

Myles Bancroft, APA, ALCM

NSIPA – Las Vegas

The Gulf StreamThe Gulf StreamWinslow Homer – 1899Winslow Homer – 1899

Public DomainPublic Domain

The Gulf StreamThe Gulf StreamWinslow Homer – 1899Winslow Homer – 1899

Public DomainPublic Domain

Why this topic?

• “…many of us have lived and enjoyed the ‘Maverick’ days and now are confronted with some ugly truths.  I cannot count how many people in the business tell me ‘it’s just not fun anymore’.”

• “…the trend now is, after the training investment, people are leaving to go into other careers.  Our (termination) exit interviews usually contain the phrase ‘this is too much work and hassle for the money’.”

• “For some reason 2007 was a hard year for the audit industry. Everyone is saying it - it is definitely not [just] you.”

– Anonymous Excerpts from Recent E-mails

Thesis Synopsis

Discouragement is not FREE! It is purchased each and every day at the price of…

• Your health• Your relationships• Your passion• Your future

A Voice from Ages Past…

“But as for me, I almost lost my footing.      My feet were slipping, and I was almost gone.For I envied the proud      when I saw them prosper despite their wickedness.They seem to live such painless lives;      their bodies are so healthy and strong.They don’t have troubles like other people;      they’re not plagued with problems like everyone else.”

A Voice from Ages Past…

“Then I realized that my heart was bitter,      and I was all torn up inside.I was so foolish and ignorant—      I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.”

– Excerpts from Psalm 73

(Written by Asaph; circa 1,000 BC)

A few things our parents failed to mention when we were kids…

1. “You will be good at some things in life – but not everything. No one’s good at everything.”

A few things our parents failed to mention when we were kids…

2. “No one else in the world is going to be impressed by your knowledge or intelligence.”

A few things our parents failed to mention when we were kids…

3. “No one else is going to think you are particularly talented or good-looking.”

A few things our parents failed to mention when we were kids…

4. “No one else cares about your dreams and aspirations. If you want them badly enough, you’ll have to get them yourself.”

A few things our parents failed to mention when we were kids…

5. “In fact, no one else really cares if you live or die.”

- AND –

“If any of this really matters to you, you’re going to suffer a lifetime of disappointment and discouragement.”

A few things our parents failed to mention when we were kids…

Other than your immediate family, the only people who mightmight care about you are the ones who receive a secondary gain from your success.

“Every great work, every big accomplishment, has been brought into manifestation through holding to the vision, and often just before the big achievement, comes apparent failure and discouragement.”

- Florence Scovel Shinn

What “Discouragement” is NOT!

Depression and Anxiety

• Depression– Often the result of a

chemical imbalance in the brain

– Not always related to one’s circumstances

– May be accompanied by physical pain

– Should always be treated seriously

– “Anger turned INWARD”

• Anxiety– Body feelings that

accompany a stressful situation

– Typically brought on by a specific trigger such as flying, public speaking (phobias)

– Is not inherently dangerous in the short term

Performing CPRCPR on “Craig”

“Unhappiness is the refusal to suffer.”

- Unknown

Remember: Depression and Anxiety are treatable

http://www.stresscenter.com/

So…What isis Discouragement?

• Merriam-Webster’s Online Dictionary:– “The state of being discouraged.”

• Bancroft’s Dictionary of Dubious Distinction:– a malaise caused by under-fulfilled or unmet

expectations– a mental state that drives one towards thoughts of

giving up (or refusing to try)– self-directed criticism for ones failures or

shortcomings– a feeling of inferiority when compared to those around

you– a sense that one’s present, negative circumstances

will last forever

So…What isis Discouragement?

Discouragement is an allergic reaction…to adversity!

So…What isis Discouragement?

Our cultural touchstones tells us that adversity is…

– Unhealthy– Unnatural– A sign of weakness or failure– Something to be feared– To be avoided at all costs

Confronting Adversity

“If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you’ve got a problem.  Everything else is inconvenience.” 

- Robert Fulghum

Confronting Adversity

“We have no right to ask when sorrow comes, ‘Why did this happen to me?’ unless we ask the same question for every moment of happiness that comes our way.” 

- Author Unknown

Confronting Adversity

“The problem is not that there are problems.  The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem.” 

- Theodore Rubin

In Short… Discouragement is a Feeling

In Short… Discouragement is a Feeling

"It is not likely that any complete life has ever been lived which was not a failure in the secret judgment of the person who lived it."

– Mark Twain

Why do I feel this way?

• Sleeplessness - The mind and soul is full of worry. • Restlessness – Absent-mindedness sets in and

weariness results.

• Complacency - Loss of interest in food even though you might not have eaten for hours.

• Negativity – The sense that NOTHING is going your way.

“A man's life, I reflected, is too long a span today for the pace of change. If he lives more than a half century, his familiar world, the world of his youth, fails him like a horse dying under its rider, and he finds himself dealing with a new one which is not really his”

– George F. Kennan (September, 1959)

So…Why auditors ?

• Successful auditors are typically very ANALYTICALANALYTICAL

• Analytical people tend to have these things in common:– We believe that good effort leads to good results– We are risk-adverse– We take setbacks badly– We tend towards a quickness to guilt and self-blame– We think in terms of “good or bad”; “right or wrong”

• Generally we are inhibited, serious and introspectiveDisclaimerDisclaimer – Jeanne Arnold and Rick Kuharik are some notable exceptions to this final distinction.

In Search of a Solution…

Understanding is Overcoming!

• Analytical people have all the tools to imagine the worst. This can cause us to fall prey to discouragement.

• These are the SAMESAME tools that can help us find our way out of the woods.

Alfred Adler 1870 - 1937

• "We have found that all neurotics are discouraged ambitious people, and that discouragement in children and adultsdiscouragement in children and adults probably is shared by 90% of mankindprobably is shared by 90% of mankind."

• A rational therapy in the treatment of neurosis is justified by the fact that the causes of the discouragement are fictionalfictional."

Listen Up - Don’t Miss This!

• Ambition + Frustration = Discouragement

• 90%90% of all people suffer from Discouragement

• The Cure = Focusing on the needs of OTHERS

• Therefore, it must follow that 90% of people are focused only on their own needs

A View from 50,000 feet…

“Discouragement is not the absence of adequacy but the absence of courage.”

– Neal A. Maxwell

A More Practical Approach…

“Realize that your present difficulty is only a small part of you, and the rest of you is doing quite well, thank you.”

– Lynn Grabhorn

What Can I Do Today?

• Don’t “Overthink” It!

Don’t “Overthink” It!

• Acknowledge that it’s unlikely your problems can be solved overnight

• Seek to understand the source of your discouragement• Avoid pressing to find a solution until your frame of mind

has improved

What Can I Do Today?

• Don’t “Overthink” It!

• Don’t Look to Cast Blame

Don’t Look to Cast Blame

• If it’s someone else’s fault, you really have no control over it

• If you determine it’s youryour fault…– You’ll be disinclined to accept it anyway– You’ll just reinforce the negative feelings

Suggested Reading• I choose my thoughts. No thought, at

anytime, can dwell in my mind without my permission.

• I have talents, skills and abilities and I'm discovering new talents all the time.

• I take time to listen and communicate. I'm patient and understanding. It's worth working at, and I do.

• I focus my attention on the things I can control. If I can't affect it or direct it, I accept it.

• I know that what I believe about myself is what I will become, so I believe in the best for myself.

“This sounds like Psycho-babble…What does it have to do with me?”

This is Your Brain …

• 30,000,000,000 (30B) Neurons…• Stretching over 6,000 miles…• Composing 100,000 miles of Neural Fiber• A computer sends one signal over 1,000,000 times

faster than your brain, but only oneone at a time• A single neuron can send signals to hundreds of

thousands of other neurons in less than 20 milliseconds

This is Your Brain…

• The first time you have an experience a neuron pathway is created

• Each time the experience is replicated the pathway is reinforced until it becomes a Superhighway

• This is why experiences lead to familiar thought patterns, behaviors and emotions

Interesting…So What?

• Emotions carve neuron pathways that prompt us to immediately feel and react in a certain way.

• This causes emotional atrophy to set in.

What Can I Do Today?

• Don’t “Overthink” It!

• Don’t Look to Cast Blame

• The Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with “Baby Steps”

Baby Steps…

• The “Perhaps Bridge” does not lead directly to the top of Mt. Everest

• Set some “short” goals that you have complete control over:– Lose 5 lbs– Begin to walk a mile or two each day– Clean up your desk at the office or home– Try a new hobby – set a “stick to it” period– Take a class unrelated to work

What Can I Do Today?

• Don’t “Overthink” It!

• Don’t Look to Cast Blame

• The Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins with “Baby Steps”

• Most Importantly – Learn GRATITUDE

Gratitude

When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind,

not with it.

– Henry Ford

Gratitude

“Ingratitude is akin to Thievery.”

– Rabbinical Teaching

Gratitude

“Happy is the man who wants only what he already has.”

– Modern Proverb

Gratitude

"Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.”

– Cisero

Gratitude• The “Frustration” piece of the Discouragement equation

generally stems from a lack of gratitude• Gratitude (or Ingratitude) do not necessarily emanate

from one’s personal circumstances:

– A person living in poverty or with an incurable disease can choosechoose gratitude

- AND -– A person with no apparent “problems” can choosechoose to

be ungrateful

Gratitude• Food

• Shelter• Clothing

• Health• Family

• Friends• Employment

• Safety• Leisure Time

• Recreation• Mental Challenge

Gratitude

• For personal challenges• Failures• Detours

“We all end up doing the thing we're second best at.”

- Unknown

Gratitude

Gratitude is not only the AntidoteAntidote for Discouragement…

It’s also the AntonymAntonym

Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs”

Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs”

It’s always 10 below when the furnace goes out!

Warning!Warning! Pop Culture Content

Insights from “The Edge”

“Most people who die in the wilderness, do so out of SHAME. They begin to believe they deserve it.”

A few final thoughts on the subject…

A few final thoughts on the subject…

“First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst.”

– Dale Carnegie

A few final thoughts on the subject…

“Being challenged in life is inevitable, being defeated is optional.”

– Roger Crawford

A few final thoughts on the subject…

“Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

– Thomas Edison

A few final thoughts on the subject…

“Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.”

– Winston Churchill

Swimming with Sharks in a Sea of DiscouragementSwimming with Sharks in a Sea of DiscouragementMyles Bancroft, APA, ALCM

mbancroft@legacypcpartners.com