salt. - Internet Archive...–– flower crowns and bob marley t-shirts my heart is in my mind. i...

salt.

Copyright©2013NayyirahWaheed

Allrightsreserved.

ISBN10:1492238287ISBN-13:978-1492238287

itwasonlyandeverlove.

forus

iyo.nchele.sira.muối.lonu.pa’akai.cho.masima.ama.wardan.ityuwa.noon.salila.munya.zede´.chewa.mith.nnu.lobon.hapi.letswai.juky.milh.sogum.mongwa. uppu. saahl. cusbo. îunkyre. tisnt. lun. nkyen. ambel. namak. gishiri.asin. chumvi. sohgoom. iam. malga. yim. loon. mungwa. shio. uyah.zhiiwitaagan. îukyra. gleua. isawudo. ta’ab. labana. meleh. ntsev. hoh-rum.aymara. nkyini. yán. tswayi. sotoe. nun. chumbí. garam. disel. nkyene. lu-nu.melh. tsira. nimak. sogidda. iztapinolli. loonh.muño. umuchene.mithu. kashi.nkyene.melach.lon.agh.kripalati.tuz.sél.marili.suola.sol.sare.súl.sare.só.sil.halen.zout.salann.druska.salz.so.sale.sel.sal.salt.

CONTENTS

salt

waterclingstomywrists.ithasbeenmyfragrancesincebirth.

iamalwayswritingofyou.foryou.

––breath|mypeople

canwespeakinflowers.itwillbeeasierformetounderstand.

––otherlanguage

themorningisyoungerthanyou.butyouwillalwaysbemoretender.

––age

youbroketheoceaninhalftobehere.onlytomeetnothingthatwantsyou.

––immigrant

cruelmothersarestillmothers.theymakeuswars.theymakeusrevolution.theyteachusthetruth.early.mothersarehumans.whosometimesgivebirthtotheirpain.insteadofchildren.

––hate

sometimesthereismorewaterinapoemthaninthesea.

––––––––––––––––––––––––

threewaveswashtheirwayintomyhand.theyarethewaterinthispoem.

whatmassacrehappenstomysonbetweenhimlivingwithinmyskin.drinkingmycells.mywater.myorgans.andhissoftpsycheturningcruel.doeshenotrememberheishalfwoman.

––from

thehardseasonwillsplityouthrough.donotworry.youwillbleedwater.donotworry.thisisgrief.yourfacewillfalloutanddownyourskinandtherewillbescorching.butdonotworry.keepspeakingtheyearsfromtheirhidingplaces.keepcoughingupsmokefromallthedeathsyouhavedied.keeptheragetender.becausethesoftseasonwillcome.itwillcome.loud.ready.gulping.bothhandsinyourchest.upallnight.upallofthenights.todrinkalldamageintolove.

––therapy

trustyourwork.

wouldyoustillwanttotraveltothatcountryifyoucouldnottakeacamerawithyou.

––aquestionofappropriation

flowerworkisnoteasy.remainingsoftinfiretakestime.

whenyourmotherunbirthsyoubecauseshesmellsswansinyourskinitfeelslikesheissinginginsalt.andhereyescarveyououtofherbody.youareadreamundreamt.andthisisaholocaustthatwinterbirdswillneverknow.

––swans

blackwomenbreatheflowers,too.justbecausewearetaughttogrowthemintheliningofourquiet(ourgrandmotherssecret)doesnotmeanwedonotswelterwithwildtenderness.wesoftswim.wepetal.wescentlimbs.love.wejusthavebeentoolongagardenforsharpanddeadlyteeth.sowehavegrownourselvesintogreenhouses.

––greenhouses

iknewyoubeforeimetyou.i’veknownyoumywholelife.

––nafsi

sheasked‘youareinlovewhatdoeslovelooklike’towhichireplied‘likeeverythingi’veeverlostcomebacktome.’

whenyouarehereeverythingiswild.

––moon

areyoureyesblushing?

eventhesmallpoemsmeansomething.theyareoftenwhalesinthebodiesoftinyfish.

therearefeelings.youhaven’tfeltyet.givethemtime.theyarealmosthere.

––fresh

hisbackwasahundredstorieshewantedtotellme.ahundredliveshewantedtolivetogether.

––muscle(howmanyhoursispentreadinghisskin)

iamsuchasensitivesummerthing.

whenyouarestrugglinginyourwriting(art).itusuallymeansyouarehearingonething.butwriting(creating)another.

––honest|risk

ifoundflawsandtheywerebeautiful.

––ugly

taketheart.sliceitfromtheirskin.leavethecolorbehind.

––flowercrownsandbobmarleyt-shirts

myheartisinmymind.ithinkthisiswhyiamanartist.

ibleedeverymonth.butdonotdie.howaminotmagic.

––thelie

iwillcrawlforwhitebeauty.eatmyarms.bartermylegs(makemythighsintoaltarsofgrief).forskinthatdoesnotdrinknight.hairthatisnotangry.bodythatisnotsoil.iplacecursesonmyfleshcallthemdiets.tellmyancestorstheyareugly.howlatmynoseuntilitbleeds.runmyheartacrossmyteeth,repeatedly.iamdying.tobebeautiful.butbeautiful.issomething.iwillneverbe.

––bythetimeweareseven

whereyouare.isnotwhoyouare.

––circumstances

iamachildofthreecountries.thewater.theheat.thewords.

laydown.letmeputyourflowerson.

––fall

both.iwanttostay.iwanttoleave.iamthreeoceansawayfrommysoul.

––lost

ilied.itoldyouiwasnotafraidtoloveyou.theniwalkedaway.andlovedyou.

––ihavespentmywholelifealone.lovingyou|whenwechoosefear

iamyourfriend.asoulforyoursoul.aplaceforyourlife.home.knowthis.sunorwater.hereoraway.wearealighthouse.weleave.andwestay.

––lighthouse

shewasthecolorofeveninghuskandsalt.iworemyvoicewithhersometimesmyfragranceothers.shewasabeautifulplacetobaremylegs.nightmycountries.andeatthehotwinter.

––thaw

ifiwritewhatyoumayfeelbutcannotsay.itdoesnotmakemeapoet.itmakesmeabridge.andiamhumbledandiamgratefultoassistyourheartinspeaking.

––grateful

expectsadnesslikeyouexpectrain.bothcleanseyou.

––natural

africanamericanwomenareeasy.inferior.africansaredirty.junglepeople.africanamericansarelazy.indolent.africanpeoplearetooblack.ugly.africanamericansthinktheyarebetterthanus.africansthinktheyarebetterus.

––listentothesoundofus|wearebreakingourmothersheart|theancestorsweepathowmuchwelooklikethehatethatcametoeatus

sitintheocean.itisoneofthebestmedicinesontheplanet.

––thewater

ifwemustbothberight.wewillloseeachother.

––exile

hewassobeautifulbecausewhenheheldherhewasnotconcernedwith‘beingaman.’‘beingaman’hadnothingtodowiththis.theseflowerspouringfromhischest.

––weightless

weareneverourown.wemustchangethisfact.

––acceptance

iwaketoyoueverywhere.yetyouarenothere.

––reach

myenglishisbroken.onpurpose.youhavetotryhardertounderstandme.breakingthislanguageyousoloveismypleasure.inyourarroganceyoupresumethatiwantyourskinnylanguage.thatmymouthisbuildingaroomforitinthebackofmythroatitisnot.

––ihavesevendifferentwordsforlove.youhaveonlyone.thatmakesalotofsense.

idon’tpayattentiontotheworldending.ithasendedformemanytimesandbeganagaininthemorning.

theideaofasecondheart.

iwantmore‘men’withflowersfallingfromtheirskin.morewaterintheireyes.moretrembleintheirbodies.morewomenintheirheartsthanontheirhands.moresoftnessintheirheight.morehonestyintheirvoice.morewonder.morehumilityintheirfeet.

––less

youtellme‘burnyourselfwhite,itwillmakemehappy.’mysadnessissharpeningitselfagainstmyteeth.youarethecolorofsoftcoal.andjustgotbackfromvisitingyourmotherinlastnigeriamonth.yousay‘lookbaby,look,whatibroughtbackforyou.’imoveout..lunchwithyoursisterisslightlytrembling.youwanttotouchheropeningcheekwithyourhurt.shewon’treallylookatyou.itisbetternottotalk.nowordscanputoutthepalefirespreadingacrossherface..youaresorefromallofthewhitewomeninmagazines.coaxingyououtofyourskin.theirfragranceisalloveryourfriendsatschool.youcansmellit.theheatofwhitenessontheirnecks.‘maybe,’asyourhands.brushpainandreliefintoyourface.‘maybe,now’

yousay,‘theworldwillleavemealone.’

––bleach

ifyourlightfallsoutofyourmouthpickitup.(andputitback)

––noor

youwilldrownifyoudonothaveboundaries.theyarenotoptional.thisstructurecountsonyourinabilitytosayno.meanno.theytakenofromourfirstbreath.gobackandreturnittoyourmouth.yourheart.yourlight.

––swim|womenofcolor

youseeyourface.youseeaflaw.how.ifyouaretheonlyonewhohasthisface.

––thebeautyconstruct

whitepeoplearenotchinese.becausetheyareborn/liveinchina.whitepeoplearenotindian.becausetheyareborn/liveinindia.whitepeoplearenotafrican.becausetheyareborn/liveonacontinenttheymurderedtheirwayinto.

––thereisnosuchthingasawhiteafrican|colonialbloodmyths|arevisionisthistory

iamoftenbrokenintolanguage.whetheriwanttospeakornot.

iamsimplythepoet.thepoemistheonethatcanchangeyourlife.

––medium

isthereaplaceinthecommunity.forthosewholeave.butneverleave(you).

––ex

iamtheline.onbothsidestherearesongsinmyname.

––bi

theraininthisroomislowandthickandundressingmyheartthroughtheair.

––intimacy

staysoft.itlooksbeautifulonyou.

icouldjustsimplysayiwantyouandleavemymouthinyourhand.

welayinourcountry.lovemakesusahomeland.

––bed

iamabrutallysoftwoman.

withthewaterbowlbalancingonmythighsisoaktheflowersuntiltheybecomewords.theniwrite.

––theritual

shewashestheseaonherknees.

––salt

iamablackwaveinawhitesea.alwaysseenandunseen.

––thedifference

whatwillyoureyesdowithmewhentheyaredone.willtheylaymeinthetenderfleshbehindthesun.foldmeintoyourmemory’sback.keepmearunningwaterdownyourarms.

––where

stayisasensitiveword.wewearwhostayedandwholeftinourskinforever.

––sojourn

whatwehideanddonotsayturnsintoanothermouththatonlyweknow.

––mouths

asawomaniknowthedifferencebetweenappreciationandteeth.whatreallyhurtsisthatasagirlihadtoknowthesamething.

––survivor

iamasilkfieldofvulnerability.

becarefulofallthethingsyouloseinsomeone’smouthwhenyoulovethem.

ifyoudeservehoneyminewillflowfrommyarmstoyoursnoeffort,noasking.but,ifthereisnoneandyoufeelwindinstead.knowthatmyspiritalreadysensesthatwhenyousmellsweetnessyoubeginharvestingbladesinyourhands.

––kindnessisaformofintelligence

whatcanidowhenthenightcomesandibreakintostars.

––osmosis

donotputyourhandinthemouthofloneliness.itsteetharesoftbutitwillscaryouforlife.

––donotbeseducedbythelonelyones

youtraveltolushlootedcountriespartsofearthlayingontheirsidesbarelybreathinghotwithrust,infection,andtouristanemia.youandyourcameraarrive.starttearingatbodieswithyourlust.it’sharmless.appreciatingculture.sharing.honoringclothing.thewaycertainskinexists.ohyou’vesoldthosephotographstheonesyouweresoexcitedabout.theoneyou‘caught’withchildrenbeingchildren.theonewiththewomanyouthoughtso‘beautiful.’youandyourcameraeatasmuchasonestomachandthreesdcardscanhold.getonaplaneandleavewiththebeliefthatyoureyesareclean.

honest.artistic.

––photography|thegaze

thenightwasbusymakingthemoonsoigatheredmyquiltandsoftlytoldmyheartwe’dcomebacktomorrow.

mywholelifeihaveatemytongue.atemytongue.atemytongue.iamsofullofmytongueyouwouldthinkspeakingiseasy.butitisnot.

––forwewhokeepourlivesinourmouths

africadoesnotneedyourtears.oryourprayers.oryourmoney.oryourt-shirts.oryourtelethons.oryourhandseversolovinglyplacedonherbuttocks.yourmouthatherbreasts.yourfistsinhereyes.shewantsyoutostoppissinginherfaceandcallingitwater.shewantsyoutoleave.sheisthemother.shedoesnotbelongtoyou.youdonotbelongtoher.andyouhatethis.butonedayyouwillreap.whatyouhavesown.

––aid

mengivebirth,too.tochildren.tolongings.todreams.thattheymusthide.theirstomachs.theiruteruses.theirhungers.theirsoftness.theircravingsfortouch.tobeaman.isthethingthatclosestheirlight.andeatstheireyes.

––him

thereisyouandyou.thisisarelationship.thisisthemostimportantrelationship.

––home

crywild.youhaveprobablynevercriedwild.but,youknowwhatdoorsfeellike.youhaveanintimacywithdoorsthatiskillingyou.

––break

decolonizationrequiresacknowledging.thatyourneedsanddesiresshouldnevercomeattheexpenseofanother’slifeenergy.itisbeinghonestthatyouhavebeenspoiledbyamachinethatisnotfeedingyoufreedombutfeedingyouthemilkofpain.

––therelease

whycanwenevertalkabouttheblood.thebloodofourancestors.thebloodofourhistory.thebloodbetweenourlegs.

––blood

iwilltellyou,mydaughterofyourworthnotyourbeautyeveryday.(yourbeautyisagiven.everybeingisbornbeautiful)knowingyourworthcansaveyourlife.raisingyouonbeautyaloneyouwillbestarved.youwillberaw.youwillbeweak.aneasystomach.alwaysinneedofsomeonetellingyouhowbeautifulyouare.

––emotionalnutrition

good.girl.

––rope

yourheartisthesoftestplaceonearth.takecareofit.

thediasporaisabsolutelybreathtaking.andthediasporaisinstunningpain.weareagreatmanythings.allatonce.

––myriad|disconnect

gettingyourselftogether.whataboutundoingyourself.

––thefix

thickcompassion.asthickasthethroatsofourfatherswhentheyhavealreadyleftbutleavetheirwordsbehind..ourfatherswriteus.alloverus.theirhandwriting.wecannotignore.whethertheyhavespelledoureyes.ourmouths.ortheneedinourbrows.wecannothelpbutbetheirpoem..howcouldtheythinktheyarenotimportant.wearehouseseatenbyriversbecausewedonotknowtheirsmell.whenwearelookingallthewaythroughourselves,wearelookingforthem.howdaretheyremovethemselvesfromoursight.wehavearighttobeabletorecognizeourfatherifheispassingusonthestreet..whatkindofheartbreakishe.whatnightwasitthathedecided.whatdidthemoonlooklike.washehungry.sohungry,thathewouldgivemeup.giveusup.howdotheygiveusupsoeasily.sowillingly.theytakeouttheirvoice.breakusfromit.andeatmistandguiltuntilwearebutdreams.

unharmsomeonebytellingthetruthyoucouldnotfacewhenyoustruckinsteadoftended.

––putthefireout(unburn)

thebeautyofmypeopleissothickandintricate.ispenddaystryingtoundomyeyessoicansleep.

––lace

iftheoceancancalmitselfsocanyou.wearebothsaltwatermixedwithair.

––meditation

racismisatranslucentskin.itdefendsitselfbyattackingitself.

––reverseracism

inourownwaysweallbreak.itisokaytoholdyourheartoutsideofyourbodyfordays.months.years.atatime.

––heal

you.notwantingme.wasthebeginningofmewantingmyself.thankyou.

––thehurt

eyesthatcommit.thatiswhatIamlookingfor.

warmphiladelphianight.bluebruiseacrossthesky.groceriesinhand.idreamtlastnightofhoney.mygrandmothercalledmeintoadreamlikesheusedtocallmeintoaroom.shegavemehoney.honeyforyou.you,whowillnottalk.whowillnotswallowthenews.whowillnotletanythingnearyourthroat.but,icanfindyou.icanfindyouevenwhenyouarethere,inmorocco.evenwhenyouhaveflownthroughyoureyesbutnotyourbody.whenyouareholdingme,andiampracticingbeinglimpwithrestraint,becauseiamreallyholdingyou.whenyourefusetochangebackfromwaterandwanttofillourwholehousewiththesebou.iknow,mysweet.wehavespokeofhertheentirelengthofourlove.shewasyoureyesthedayimetyou.remember,youandi.onthefloor,youteachingmeofhowsheeats.threefingersontherighthandonly.ihavewornherclothes.ateherlanguagefromyourmouth.andiknew,iknewwhenthephonecallscame,andthetvstartedshrieking,andourhouseturnedintoweather,iknewthiswouldbreaksomeofourbones.butmylove,itisdrinkingusdowntoourteeth.icannotseeyouanymore.yoursmile.yourlegs.yourheat.islonely.thehoney,grandmothersaid,isforyourblood.itistobringyouback.but,shesaid,imustfirstask,‘if’youwanttocomeback.andthough,‘if’isarazortomyvein,iwillask.so,iamnotasking‘when’youwillcomeback.because,icantakeit,theswimminginyourbody,thelostness,yourgrowingappetitefordoors.iamnotaskingwhen.‘when,’isnotsomethingyouasksomeonewhenthebodiesoftheiraunt.uncle.friends.firstlove.cannotbefound.iamasking‚‘if.’becauseiamhere.danglingfromyourleftringfinger,wringingoceansoutofmyskin,andcominghomeeverynight.iknowyourfamilyistattooanditistheirscreamingvoicesyouhearwhenIsayiloveyou.iknow,sheistheloveyouare,thelandyouaremadeof,andsheishemorrhaging.wariseatingherheart.but,youarelosingyourstoo,mylove.

––whatthewarhasdonetous

whitepeopletrytotakeblackness.pouritoutrubitintotheirskinandwearusliketheyknowwhatweabout.buthoneyit’sonlyevergon’beasuntan.youain’tnevagon’beblack.

––tan|stealingfromthesun

stopspeaking.useyoureyes,instead.

––theeyefire

beinsecureinpeace.allowyourselflowness.knowthatitisonlyacountryonthewaytowhoyouare.

––traveling

if.we.arewithchild.andyoubelievethatfatherhoodbeginswhenmybodypoursababyintoyourhands.notbefore.youdonotdeservethischild.youareacoward.

––youareafatherthemomentyouenterme

donoteverbeafraidtotellmewhoyouare.iamgoingtofindouteventually.

––blunt

youasktotouchmyhairorworsetouchitwithoutasking.thisisnotinnocence.thisisnotignorance.thisisnotcuriosity.thisistheveryracistandsubhumanbeliefthatyouhavearighttome.

––iwillbreakyourhand.donotevertouchme|everytimeyoutouchmyhairmyancestorsplaceacurseonyou

yoursoulstainedmyshoulders.mywholelifesmellslikeyou.thiswilltaketime.undoingyoufrommyblood.

––thework

ouracheforafrica.istheheartbehindourheart.thepainwithnoname.

––amnesia

iamawomanandapoem.

––visceral

whenyouallowthatman.towalkthroughyourchildren.planthisfeet.intheirveins.holdtheirvoices.necks.bodies.insidehisviolence.youarenolongeramother.whenyougivehimthekeytothatdoor.becauseyouneedtobelovedbysomeone.youhaveseasonedthemforthewolf.burnedtheirchildhoodintoafantasy.it’sgoingtotakeathirdoftheirlives.allthecourage.fromtheircellstotheirhair.tolearnthealchemeticformulathatturnsthatkindofbetrayal.ademothering.soft.liveable.

––beforeyougetthatkeymade

theworstthingthateverhappenedtotheworldwasthewhitemancomingacrossgunpowder.

––theendoftheworld|thebeginningofwhitesupremacy

soonthemoonwillcomefrommylipsandyouwillnotrememberyourname.

––oshún

thereisaphantomlanguageinmymouth.atonguebeneathmytongue.willieverrememberwhatisoundlike.willievercomehome.

––africanamericani

ilostawholecontinent.awholecontinentfrommymemory.unlikeallotherhyphenatedamericansmyhyphenismadeofblood.feces.bone.whenafricasayshellomymouthisaheartbreakbecauseihavenothinginmytonguetoanswerher.idonotknowhowtosayhellotomymother.

––africanamericanii

canyoubeadaughter.ifyouhavenomotherlanguage.

––africanamericaniii

howbeautifulthatyoucanlaydownamapandwithastraightfingershowmewhoyouare.yousay'showme,showmewhoyouare.'itellmysofttightfinger'donotbeafraid'islowandlightlylayitonafrica(asifidonotbelongtoher)andthenyouaskme‘where.’

––africanamericaniiii

weareafraid.ashamed.ofafrica.

––thesecretweneversay|africanamericaniiiii

iliketheheatincertainwords.thewarmtravel.thelowsun.

youdonothavetobeafireforeverymountainblockingyou.youcouldbeawaterandsoftriveryourwaytofreedomtoo.

––options

sometimesthenightwakesinthemiddleofmeandicandonothingbutbecomethemoon.

iwanttoseebrownandblackfolksphotographedbybrownandblackeyes.

––eyes

tonotbesafeontheearth.simplybecauseofthecolorofyourskin.howdoesabeingsurvivethis.

––trayvonmartin

ifamancanonlyshowvulnerabilityforwhatisbetweenmylegs.canonlybeaheartduringsex.ifanorgasmistheonlywayhecanweep.whatishislifebutacage.

––prison

listentomypoems.butdonotlookforme.lookforyou.

––you

iamnotyours.ididnotmakethelonghardjourneythroughandacrossthespiritworldtobeaman’socean.mybodyisnotyours.mymouthisnotyours.mywaterisnotyours.nothingiambelongstoyou.unlessidecidetoopenmyhandandgiveittoyou.

––birthmarks

youwillfindyourway.itisinthesameplaceasyourlove.

––seek

whenyoutellyourself‘youcanhaveyourenergyback.’afteryearsofgivingittowhitepeople.andtheirrequirementsforacceptance.forsupplecolonization.digestingtheirbeliefs.thoughts.opinions.ofyou.whenyouremovethemfromyournucleus.yourbeingisthenallowedtofocusitspoweronturningyourlife.into.yoursoul’swork.youbecomeyours.

again.

––decolonization|center

tocallmeblack.isoneofthemostbeautiful.incredible.complimentsyoucouldevergiveme.

––insult

yourskinsmellslikelight.ithinkyouarethemoon.

ibrokemyselfdreamingofyoulastnight.thewaterandflowershavebeenworkingonmeallmorning.

––seamstresses

ifyoushowsomeonethesuninyourbonesandtheyrejectyouyoumustremember.theyhurtthemselvesthisverysameway.

––unable

‘no’mightmakethemangrybutitwillmakeyoufree.

––ifnoonehasevertoldyou,yourfreedomismoreimportantthantheiranger

thereisatenderthingiammadeof.ihavealwaysfeltbeforeibreathe.

andwhatifiwriteofyou.isthatmorelovethanyoucanhandle.

bealion.iwillstillbewater.

wherearemylegs.wherearemylegs.ihadtogivethemtomybabiessotheycouldswimbackhometome.backhometome.backhometome.irubbedthesunallintheirhair.everysinglebirth.irubbedsunintheirhair.sotheyrememberwhotheylooklike.whotheylooklike.whotheylooklike.me.toloselovethatway.tohavetowatchthembeopenedlikethat.allthewaydowntotheirmouths.timewillneverknowmyskin.wildwitheverythingandnothingbutthem.isangintotheirblood.eachandeveryoneofthemhavemyvoicesintheirbones.theywillcomehome.iknowtheywillcomehome.thewholeskyhadtoholdmewhentheworldcametoeatmychildren.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.thatfear.thatpain.wakeupmyloves.intome.iwillcometoyoueverynight.everysinglenight.becauseyoudonotunderstandyournose.oryourfeet.ortheboatsinyoureyes.youdonotrememberme.andyousuffer.yousuffer.yousuffer.yousuffer.yousuffer.yousuffer.yousuffer.yousuffer.sweptwithbanzo.sweptwithbanzo.sweptwithbanzo.yousuffer.youhateyourself.youhateme.thisisdeathforamother.howmanydeaths.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.iamyourmother.rememberme.rememberme.rememberme.myhandsinyourheart.iwillnotletyougo.iwillfindyou.worldsawayfromme.iamyourbeauty.iamyou.nomatterhowmuchbleachyoumustdrink.everynightiwillcomeintoyouandrepair.relove.undoeverythingthatisnotme.imemorizedyou.iwillwalkoverallwaterstocomeandgetyou.bringyoubacktome.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknow.they

donotknow.theydonotknow.theydonotknowiputsaltineachoneofyourskin.eachandeveryoneofyourskins.theydonotknowthatsaltpreservesnotonlyfruit.butchildren.youwillremember.youwillremember.youwillremember.youwillremember.youwillremember.youwillremember.youwillremember.youwillremember.youwillremember.yousee.mylove.youseehowyourbodyisbeginningtoslowglowwithstars.youareremembering.youaremine.youhaveneverbeenanythingelse.

––africa'slament

thesearenottears.thisisthesea.

––tides

nevertrustanyonewhosaystheydonotseecolor.thismeanstothemyouareinvisible.

––is

wheniamafraidtospeakiswhenispeak.thatiswhenitismostimportant.

––thefreedominfear

whatineverlearnedfrommymotherwasthatjustbecausesomeonedesiresyou.doesnotmeantheyvalueyou.desireisthekindofthingthateatsyouandleavesyoustarving.

––thecoloroflowselfesteem

beinginlovewithmypeopledoesnotmeanihateothers.howridiculousisthat.

––self

iamrelieved.wheniseethefemininepresenceinaman’seyes.itmeansheisapeaceidonothavetobringtohim.

––ease

apologizetoyourbody.maybethat’swherethehealingbegins.

––starting

themostgorgeousthingonahumanbeing.vulnerability.

––want

putsomesaltinthathoney.warmitup.heal.

––stove

ablackwomancanwriteofloneliness.orloveorsoftness.orthemoon.youmaytryvaliantlytocrippleherbutshewillstillgrowflowersinherflesh.

––agenocideofflowers

youblushlikeanoceaninlove.wildwithblueness.

––yemanja

ihavealwaysbeenthewomanofmydreams.

openyoureyes.evenifthesunwantsthem.

––see

audrewroteofthe‘secretpoetry.’weallknowthispoetry.liningourarms.rustingourteeth.walkingthroughourhair.feedingourwildstomach.soothingourmouthtears.foldingitselfintowaists.betweenlegs.alwaysclimbingupoursadnessintoourneckstosleep.

––thesecretpoetry|audre

thereispeaceful.thereiswild.iambothatthesametime.

––sum

allthatwastakenfrommeisstillhere.

––root|immortal

thishardvulnerability.

––black

evenifyouareasmallforestsurvivingoffofmoonalone.yourlightisextraordinary.

––reminder

awomanisnotagirl.andagirlisnotawoman.

––misogyny|synonyms

ilostmyhandsinherwaistandthatisthesoftestdetail.

youaremyfavoritekind.nothingthaticanname.

somepeoplewhentheyhearyourstory.contract.othersuponhearingyourstory.expand.andthisishowyouknow.

ifyouaresofterthanbeforetheycame.youhavebeenloved.

considerthisplace.considerthisplaceassafe.whenyoutakeoffyourthroat.layyourvoiceinthemiddleofthebed.openyourbackuptome.

––slow

ifsomeonedoesnotwantmeitisnottheendoftheworldbutifidonotwantmetheworldisnothingbutendings.

somethingassimpleasthesunaskingmeout.

––theperfectdate

mysilenceiswetandhotanddrinkingmymouthtodeath.

youarenotamistake.youaretoomanyexquisitedetailstobeamistake.

1. rubhoneyintothenight’sback.2. makesurethemoonisfed.3. bathetheocean.4. warmsingthetrees.

––tend

thewarmestlightisyourbody.

itisbeinghonestaboutmypainthatmakesmeinvincible

––yield

whensummercomestheairrunshotwithfeverandsodoi.

––alchemy

youtookoffyourmouthgaveittohimandnowyousecretlyweepfireinthebathroombeforemakinglove.howmuchburningwillbeenough.

––dowry

yoursoulisinflamed.good.payattention.findwater.comeinside.

––map

iamadreamstilldreaming.

idonotexpectmychild’srespect.justbecauseihavegivenbirthtotheirlifedoesnotmeantheyoweme.anything.whatiwantmostistolookintomychild’seyesandseethatihavegivenbirthtoaheart.havehonored.heldandfed.someone’sheart.fromthemomentwefirstmet.

andtheyloveforthis.

––first

therehavebeensomanytimesihaveseenamanwantingtoweepbutinsteadbeathisheartuntilitwasunconscious.

––masculine

youareastory.donotbecomeaword.oneword.becauseyouwanttobeloved.lovedoesnotaskyoutobenothingforsomething.

––name

istu„„,mbleinthislanguage.ifalldowninthislanguaGE.iamp&a&i&n=inthislang|uage.my(mouth).heart.armsarelosingmuscle+inthislanguage.mybodydoesnot$recognizethetaste$ofthis-language-.ilong_____________________________________________inthisLANGUAGE.iamnot/{myself}inthislanguage."

––e.n.g.l.i.s.h./forallofuswhoareheldcaptive

healingbeginsthemomentyouwantitto.

––time

itouchedherinthemiddleofherheart.ineversawheragain.

––scar

youkeepputtingyourhandsonmymind.itisthesamethingasmybody.

––hands

leaving.doesn’tmeanthatyou’veleft.

––linger

mymotherwasmyfirstcountry.thefirstplaceieverlived.

––lands

eatstars.

––howtohealthenativewounds|firework

–––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

eatwater.

––howtohealthehotwounds|saltwork

foryou,iamsweepingwordsagainsteachother.

––quilts

go.enjoy.leave.itwasallaboutyou,anyway.

––tourist

idonotwanttobeliked.iwanttobemyself.

––fiction

yourskinisinfamousformakingmelatetowork.

––youknowiain’tgottimeforthatlaughandthoseeyes.youain’tright.

iamaquietsinger.

idonotfeelineedanameoramovementtolegitimizethedefenseofmyself.iamawomanofcolor.myboneshavebeenboughtandsoldeverymorning.so,nowicarryamacheteinmymouth.

––ivory

ilovedyoubecauseitwaseasierthanlovingmyself.

––runaway

asachildtherewaseitherbooksorpain.ichosebooks.

––howibecameawriter

somewordsbuildhousesinyourthroat.andtheylivethere.contentandonfire.

yousay‘youaresucha‘goodwriter’forawomanofcolor.’

ihear‘youhaveabettercommandoftheenglishlanguagethanido.mybitternessiswildsaltinmybloodcausingmyorganstocrushandweepandthisisthesoundofmypain.’

––translation|whitenoise

remember.youwereawriterbeforeyoueverputwordtopaper.justbecauseyouwerenotwritingexternally.doesnotmeanyouwerenotwritinginternally.

––stories

illegitimatechildrenissuchaforeignconcepttome.iwasbornfrommymotherandiamhere.thatisallthelegitimacyineed.

––thebastardconstruct

knowingyourpoweriswhatcreateshumility.notknowingyourpoweriswhatcreatesinsecurity.

––ego

ifwewantedto.peopleofcolorcouldburntheworlddown.forwhatwehaveexperienced.areexperiencing.butwedon’t.

––howstunninglybeautifulthatoursacredrespectfortheearthisdeeperthanourrage

ifihaveneverseenyoucry.ifyoudonotcry.ifyoudonotvalueorrespecttheneedsofyourwater.youandicannotform.ifyoucannotallowyourownbeingtowashoveryou.howwillmineevermakeitpastyourskin.

––available

beautifulisthehighestcomplimentyoucanpayawoman.iwatchwomendive.totheground.eatit.standup.andsmile.

––shame

ifyoucannothearthem.asktheancestorstospeaklouder.theyonlywhispersoasnottofrightenyou.theyknowtheyhavebeenconvinced.coerced.spooked.fromyourskin.

––communication

weatheristheearth’semotions.sheisobviouslyenraged.

––sentient

therearesomewounds.onlyafricacanheal.

––inus

alieissimplyalie.itdrawsitsstrengthfrombelief.stopbelievinginwhathurtsyou.

––power

yourwordswalkdownmyback.thisishowyouleaveme.

––vertebrae

willyoualwaysbethispaininme.willyoualwayshurt.

youmustputhealingonthelist.thegrocerylist.thetodolist.thenightlist.becauseyouareteachingyourbabytheverysamechemistrythattookyoureyesandheartwhenyouwerefour.

––thelist

youareyourownstandardofbeauty.

––mirrorwork

makesuretheyhavefalleninlovewithyourspirit.first.yourbody.second.

––thefragranceofyourlaughter

iamoftenbrokenintolanguage.whetheriwanttospeakornot.

ifellapartmanytimes.so.whatdoesthatsayaboutmebesidesilivethroughwars.

myancestorsmadesureiwasbornthecoloroftheireyes.

––sight

haveyoueverheardablackwomanweepoverherskinmurderedchild.itisthesplittingofatoms.itisbillionsofvoicesscreamingtheirchildren’snamesthroughherdeathwail.

––trayvonmartinii

doyouthinkcallingme‘angry’isaninsult.everytimeyoucallme‘angry’ihearyourvoicesaltwithguiltandilaugh.lookhoweasyitistorevealyou.

––angerisahealthyandnaturalresponsetooppression

it’snotaboutmakingyouuncomfortable.it’saboutmakingmecomfortable.

––reparations

ithinkoneofthemostpathologicalthingsihaveeverseenisstabbingsomeoneandthentellingthemthattheirpainandangeroverbeingstabbedismakingyousad.

––whiteguilt

youcannotremainawarbetweenwhatyouwanttosay(whoyoureallyare)andwhatyoushouldsay(whoyoupretendtobe)youmouthwasnotdesignedtoeatitself.

––split

chemistryisyoutouchingmyarmanditsettingfiretomymind.

––flood

youaskyourheartwhyitisalwayshurting.itsays‘thisistheonlythingyouwillallowmetosaytoyou.theonlyfeelingyouarewillingtofeel.’

weep.intoyourshirt.you’reallowed.

––clouds

hesaid‘myabsenceisstrongandwarm.itwillholdyou.itwillteachyouhowtomiss.howtobewithout.andhowtosurviveanyway.’

––howmyfatherraisedme

thestarswillbeginfallingfromyourmouththemoment.youforgiveyourself.forthesilenceyoudidnotcreate.

––fault

‘ilovemyself.’thequietest.simplest.mostpowerful.revolution.ever.

––ism

iwantyoutodrinktheseainsideofme.

––summerjuice

idroppedmyprideinthegulfofyourmouth.andidonotknowhowtoswim.

––island

ilookforyouinthemiddleofthelight.inthewestoftheday.inthewarmmemoryofthewater.

sheispoemcountry.everywherealanguage.

writing.isthewayyourbeingspeakstoyou.

––conversations

youarediggingintomyheartwithbothofyourhands.who.what.areyoulookingfor.iamrighthere.

––trust

iwakeupinapoem.

iknew.read.soniasanchez.nikkigiovanni.audrelorde.beforeieverevenheardthenamecharlesbukowski.finally,apropereducation.

––theorder

hireher.foryourchildren.foryourkitchen.foryourclothes.foryourhouse.giveheraroomwithanunmadetwinbedandadresser.analarmclock.setherhourspastherownchildren’sbedtime.shortenhername.changehername.talkthroughher.callherapartofthefamily.withouteveraskingifshewantsyouthisclosetoherskin.justdonotbesurprisedthedayyouaccidentlylookinhereyesandherspiritpullsyourheartoutthroughyourmouth.

––themaid

whoyouare.isnotwhatyouaredoing.whatyouaredoingisbeingsomeoneelse.

––architecture

herlove.wastheonlymedicine.theonly.medicine.thateverworked.andthisiswhy.sheleft.shewantedyourstowork.too.

––healer

thethingyouaremostafraidtowrite.

writethat.

––advicetoyoungwriters

wheniamlosttouchthebackofmywaterandiwillreturn.

thewoundshavechangedme.iamsosoftwithscarsmyskinbreathesandbeatsstars.

ihavelostmillionsandmillionsofwordstofear.tellmethatisnotviolence.

––thedeaths

ifsheiswarmletmeknowherinthemorning.

wewritefromthebody.itrememberseverything.

––boneandsoil

yourhandspouringskyallovermybedwhatlanguageisthat.

yourmothermayneverreturnfromwar.butyouwillstillseehereveryday.

––two

fallapart.pleasejust,fallapart.openyourmouth.andhurt.hurtthesizeofeverythingitis.

––dam

shewasflowersaltinmyheart,andshehurtbeautifully.

formethereisnoother.becausethereisnodefault.everyoneisavariationoflife.

––thehumanbeing|thehumangender|thehumansex

itwasiwhoheldyouwhenyouwantedsomeoneelse.

––treason

isawlovethereijustdidnotpickitup.

––mistake

expressyoursadness.insideithasonlyoneplacetogo.

––tissue

youaretrailinglongdustacrossourheart.thereisaneasierwaytoleave.

––over

you.theweight.rosecinnamon.darkhoney.theclothesyouwearonyourmouth.thewarmsmokeinyourlegs.aquietquilt.amasonjar(formoon).aneasylaughbrushedwithoil.time.thelightleftover.somemusicinyourhair.you.

––thingsyoubringtotheoceanatnight

whyisthemoonfull.isitcarryingthewholeworldtoo.

––daughter

youareaseaoflight.openyoureyes.seeyourself.

iamterrifiedthenirememberiamgivingbirthtoacontinent.irememberthatiamgivingbirthtoacontinentoverandover.

––theprocess|writingabook|theancestorsweremymidwives|ashé.