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8/3/2019 La Paz, Bolivia - "The Highest Capital City in the World" - TRAVEL
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La Paz, Bolivia
Sitting at a breathtaking 3,660 meters (12,000 ft.), it's no wonder La Paz clenches the title, 'Highest Capital City in the World'. Surprisingly though, a stiff
ascent is not required to reach her heavenly realm. Instead, a downwards dive. Thanks to the 'El Alto Plain', an immense expanse of high Andean plateau,
La Paz lies successfully hidden just below her expanisve horizon. If not for the majestic snow covered peaks resting virtually on par with the road, this
capital cities true height would never be known.
Situated in the deep valley below, La Paz was literally built, from the ground up. City proper residing in the lowest portion of the valley, with the, 'not so
proper', city crawling upwards and spilling over top her natural bowl. Rundown buildings, aging cobblestone streets, and weather worn signs all built at a
permanent slant, desperately clinging to her sheer mountain side. The only thing more "breathtaking" then her gravity defying scenery, is getting to it.
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Translated as, "The Peace", La Paz also holds, at
least in my mind, another title, "Most Inaccurately
Named City". With no hope of ever escaping her
high, impermeable walls, a constant haze of
exhaust and fumes swallow the city whole. Avenues
are transformed into mazes of street stalls, where
"large and in charge" Bolivian women rule their 5 X
5 vendor domains from day to night. From an
outsider looking in, I can't help but beg the
question, "What do they do all day?" The only
answer I can find is...sit...and eat…only rising from
their banana crates when absolutely necessary. For
some, not even a bathroom break qualifies. Guess
that's why they all wear skirts...
And when it comes to their business habits, what business habits? In
hopes of gaining more 'consumer traffic', vendors vie for the coveted,
curbside positions, in which to arrange their ramshackle food carts. And
while they do get more "traffic", I'm not sure if it's the type they want.
Besieged by the constant drone of automobiles and breathing in
unthinkable amounts of exhaust, it's no wonder vendors are usually in a badmood. For instance, when a tourist asks for something you may not have,
instead of yelling, "NO", maybe offer something similar in place. Or, instead
of refusing to bargain at all, how about raising starting prices enough to
leave room for bargaining? In this way, foreigners get the satisfaction of,
"talking the sellers down", and sellers get the satisfaction of the sale. But
then again, what does a business graduate from K-State know anyways?
The most well known market to travelers, also happens to be the least
known to locals. Tourists refer to it as the, "Witches Market", but witches, I
mean local women, just know it as the mercado. Vials of multi-colored
potions, bottles of floating eyeballs, bone necklaces, and decaying
animals, oh yeah, this market has it all.
Despite the insanity that is La Paz, I managed to spend
2 weeks discovering for myself why this town, for many,
is like an addition. In an attempt to be brief (yeah right,
me brief) I chose to cover only 3 of my most memorable
La Paz experiences: San Pedro Prison, Chalita's
Wrestling, and the famous, Adventure Brew Hostel.
For many, the stories behind San Pedro Prison are
nothing more then myth. Lies conjured up for tourist
hype. However, to many others, those who have been
inside, her 'myth' reigns true. Built on a foundation of
corruption with walls mortared in fraudulence, this has to
be the only prison where inmates rather stay, then go.
The putrid odor of decaying baby alpaca, mixed with pungent wiffs of coagulating blood, complete this often revolting experience. I'm still not sure who's
stranger, the women selling these "goods", or the people buying them. Believe it or not though, these decomposing animals do serve a purpose...luck!
Bolivians bury these good luck charms under the foundation of every new home or building to ward off bad spirits. Hmm...and I would think they would
attract them.
Within these walls, they are still very free, enjoying the luxuries of plasma screen T.V.'s, internet, and penthouse suites. Oh, and of course, drugs, as the
same drugs that landed them in prison, still circulate within. With luxuries such as these, it's hard to imagine inmates are, 'paying the consequences', for
their crimes. Instead, the only thing they are paying for, comes in the form of a hierarchy system. Entering her confines with money, like many of the drug
dealers, enables the purchase of their very own Hilton, 5 star penthouse suite. Common criminals, on the other hand, do not share the same luxury andare instead placed in Super 8 alternative cells.
You may be wondering how they can do this? Well, with no guards inside, this prison is sufficiently run by criminals. Tours have even begun, allowing
tourists access behind her bars, to see for themselves what is truth and what is fiction. Getting in, however, is far from easy. A system of knowing
someone, who knows someone, who knows someone, is just the first step. Bribing the guards to get in, is the next. And finally, once in, gifts such as
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My second La Paz feature also goes down as the, 'most
random day ever'. Where else can you see big Bolivian
women going at it, while barrading them with braised chicken
legs and getting showered in Orange Pop? Men, women,
even midgets collide in the ring for this once in a lifetime
viewing. WWF has met it's match. Still not sure which has
worse actors, but if it came down to the costumes, Chalita's
would win hands down. Fully (and poorly) choreographed
performances starring Batman, the Karate Kid and Mortal
Kombat's, Green Ninja...and that was just the first round.
Second round..Ding...Ding..Ding... the Chicks...or should I say, the
Chalita's. Dressed in their full traditional garb; gigantic layered skirts,braided hair, and ballerina like slippers, contender #1 (let's just call her,
BIrtha) took out the trash with Karate Kid. Battering him with punches,
choke holds, and finishing with a colossal rope jump, suffocating him
under her massive....braids....Birtha was nothing but a 'lady´
throughout. And she was just warming up. Props, fake blood, midgits
with beating sticks, and of course, her opponent...Thelma, graced the
final round!!! This is where the crowd goes wild, expressing their
contender hatred by chucking everything from popcorn to soda into the
ring. Not wanting to be left out, Thelma decided to express her distain
for the audience by not only spitting on us, but also spraying her very
own 2 liter of Orange Soda all over us. That was it, now it was personal.
Masks on, this was war! Juice bottles, potato chips, and even mycooked chicken leg became ammo, as the war waged on. Talk about a
food fight! Now, I can successfully say I hit a Bolivian wrestler in the
head with marinated chicken. Like I said, this goes down as the most
random day ever.
cigarettes, shampoo, and soap must be offered to your inmate guide. I'm sure the entire "tour" is absurdly remarkable, but the highlight for most visitors
comes at the end, concluding with a visit to your inmates cell. This is where La Paz really lives up to it's title, "The Highest Capital in the World". Cocaine
is distributed freely within the cells, along with marijuana, alcohol and probably everything else an addict could ever desire. The only catch is visitors
cannot leave with anything. Otherwise, they run the risk of being caught by the same corrupt guards that let them in and becoming the newest addition to
the San Pedro family. Curious, as always, I wanted to see for myself what lived behind her walls, however, logic won out. Did I really want to support the
same corruption that continues to plague Bolivia today, with my bribe money and inmate gifts? Nah, I'd rather spend my Bolivianos elsewhere. Like...at the
famous Chalita's Wrestling!
Finally, the famous Adventure Brew Hostel. Known all over South America, this on site brewery hostel attracts travelers from far and wide. Between the
beer malt wrestling, beer tubs and of course, beer bongs, this hostel pretty much speaks for itself. How great to be behind the bar once more. And
eventhough the free room and board did not come close to payment for 7 hours of bar work a night, the social life did. I even ran into a few of my old Aussie
buddies. The same blokes who skulled pots of VB at my bar in Geelong, now sat across my bar in La Paz, chugging pints of Saya. Talk about a small
world.
La Paz can not be "done" in a day, or two, or even in the 2 weeks I stayed. It is a city of constant discovery. With so many personalities, La Paz couldeasily be classified as ¨skit so frantic .̈ Wonderfully incurable and wonderfully unique for it. ©
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