Falling In Love

Contents Issue no.002

I

Where do you find your inspiration ?

Where do you find your inspiration ?

What makes for a happy marriage?

Ask 20 couples, and you’ll likely get 20 different answers. I’m certainly no ex-

pert on marriage. I have no degrees in marital counseling. I’ve never really

studied marriages, unless you count the re-

quired pre-marital consultation I had prior to

my marriage. There they talked about the

three things that usually come between a

couple: money, family (namely in-laws), and

children. So if those are the three main

things that tear a couple apart, what keeps

a couple together?

The random text that says, “I

love you.”

Just like the three things that are common in

tearing apart a marriage, I believe there are

three important factors in building up a

strong marriage - love, respect, and commu-

nication! It’s really that easy!

Let’s start with love. Women need love! Period. End of discussion. It’s how

women are wired. If you want to insure that you have a happy wife, make sure

she knows she is loved. It’s the little things that show you truly love her. The unex-

pected shoulder massage. The random text that says, “I love you.”

My husband got a gift card to Starbucks from a client. We had just moved

to a new place and while he was off working, I was going to be off taking

the kids to get registered for their new school, immunizations, soccer sign-

ups, the usual. My wonderful husband gave me that gift card so I could

enjoy a piece of sweetness amongst my hectic week. It didn’t cost him a

dime, but he knew it would make my day. That’s love. It doesn’t cost any-

thing but time and effort.

There’s a very

popular verse

that is often

used in wed-

ding vows,

“Love is pa-

tient, love is

kind. It does

not envy, it

does not boast,

it is not proud.

It does not dis-

honor others, it

is not self- seek-

ing, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not de-

light in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always

hopes, always perseveres.”1 Notice there is nothing in there that says, “Love

buys expensive jewelry and gifts.” Now I’m not saying those things are wrong

- I love jewelry and gifts. Just remember, love is more than the things money

can buy!

By now the men are wondering what’s in it for them. Respect! “A man has

one driving need - to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy.”2

Men are the providers and protectors. They are the hunters and gatherers.

They don’t work because they have to- they work because they need to. They

are wired to provide for and protect their families. As a wife, you must re-

spect that desire in him!

As primary providers and protectors of the family, men need to feel like a true

head of the household. That DOES NOT mean that women have no say or

opinion. It simply means after the discussions and the debates, respect your

husband’s decision. Remember, it’s his love for you and his desire to provide

and protect that is leading him to make a decision in the first place. In the

past 15 years we’ve moved A LOT! We are currently in our 7th home since

saying, “I do.” I didn’t always agree with the decision to move, but I did re-

spect my husband. It was his job and his promotion. He needed that to feel

respect. And every time we adjusted and things worked out just fine. I can

honestly say, he hasn’t been wrong yet.

“Love and respect are great! However, without communi-

cation you have nothing “

That being said, it doesn’t give men permission to use their wives as a doormat!

Notice I said after the discussions and debates. Respect still has to be earned.

But by showing your wife the love she desires and being that important provider

and protector, you will earn that respect.

Love and respect are great! However, without communication you have noth-

ing. Again, men and women were made differently when it comes to commu-

nication. Have you ever noticed that girls like to go someplace where they

can hang out and talk? Men are content to sit in the living room with a foot-

ball game on and never say a word except to referee on the TV that obviously

can hear them!

Most women love to talk! As soon as my husband walks in the door, I’m chat-

ting away. I want to know how his day was, what has he got going on tomor-

row, what are we doing this weekend. I’ve learned that’s overwhelming to

him. Men need time to decompress. Remember, he’s been working all day to

protect and provide for you. Give him a moment to relax! Most men are that

way. I’ve even noticed this trend in my 12 year old son.

I pick him up from school or soccer and I want to know everything. He wants

to just sit. “Really, mom? I just finished practice and you hit me with 20 ques-

tions. Can’t I just enjoy the ride home in quiet?” Men have their “nothing box”. Women’s brains seem to never stop, but men

can compartmentalize things. My husband loves to just be in the same room

with me. He doesn’t want to chat. He doesn’t want anything from me but to

just be in my presence. Once he told me that, it made so much sense! And, it

shows how much he loves me that he simply

wants to share space with me. I respect that!

“Love, respect and communica-

tion.”

I admit, I am not good at letting the men in

my life come home and do nothing for a

bit. I’m a talker and I’m still working on it.

But I understand that need, so when I get the

“Really, mom?”, I don’t get upset. It’s my re-

ality check that says back off a minute, let

them go into their nothing box, and when

they come out, talk their ear off!

Love, respect and communication. It’s not

the magic pill that will solve your marriage

problems, but it certainly has helped mine in

the past 15 years. If you’d like to learn more

about love and respect, check out Dr.

Eggerichs’ book by the same title. Once you realize that men and women are

just made differently with different desires and needs, it makes this whole mar-

riage thing much more manageable! Rebecca Williams

Wife to John for 15 years

Mother to Zackery (12) and Ethan (10)

Photo by Stephany Christensen Photography

“Don’t ever lose sight of what’s most important. Your

family should be your first priority.”

That doesn’t mean you have to give up on your

passions.

“I t

hin

k t

he

thin

g I

lov

e m

ost

abo

ut

my

bu

sin

ess,

is

not

on

ly d

o I

get

to

day

dre

am

an

d c

reate

un

iqu

e, b

eau

tifu

l

item

s. In

a s

mall

way

, I

hel

p to

mak

e th

eir

wed

din

g d

ay

(or

an

y d

ay

) a l

ittl

e bi

t ex

tra s

peci

al.

“

“I t

hin

k t

he

thin

g I

lov

e m

ost

abo

ut

my

bu

sin

ess,

is

not

on

ly d

o I

get

to

day

dre

am

an

d c

reate

un

iqu

e, b

eau

tifu

l

item

s. In

a s

mall

way

, I

hel

p to

mak

e th

eir

wed

din

g d

ay

(or

an

y d

ay

) a l

ittl

e bi

t ex

tra s

peci

al.

“

Trinity & David Engaged

December 10,2011

Wedding Date

March 3,2013

Most important of all savor the wedding and all the moments leading up to it!

Most important of all savor the wedding and all the moments leading up to it!