EQ: What is the difference between grief and mourning? and…what difference does it make?

EQ: What is the difference between grief and mourning?

and…what difference does it make?

Our goals:

•What are common reactions to grief?

•Why do we need to mourn?

•How can I take care of myself ?

•How can I support my friends?

Relationship Bank Account (RBA)•Reflection on “Tuesdays with Morrie”• Your ‘moodle’ comments – encouraging,

sharing with one another.

•Your RBA is not for money, it’s where you store your emotional well-being and self-esteem.

RBA Register - where you store your emotional well-being and self-esteemWithdrawal Deposit RBA Balance

Help someone ++++++ ++++++

Being honest +++ +++++++++

Being Mean to someone

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ++++

Cheating _ _ _ _ _ ++

The HIGHER the balance in the Relationship Bank Account, the happier you will be. Sean Covey, Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens

Personal Mourning Account, PMA

Withdrawal Deposit Balance

Express thoughtsOr feelings related to grief

+++++ +++++

Repress your thoughts or feelings

- - - - - _ _ _ _ _

Doing drugs - - - - -

Hurting yourself

- - - - - Huge deficit

Goal: Is to grow your PMA balance, slowly and over time and with the support and love of those around us.

Building your PMA account• It is OK to make

withdrawals once in a while - -

• We all repress our feelings.• We all do stupid things

sometimes.

• However ---

• We need to make more deposits than withdrawals.

• Result: Grow to reconcile your loss and find meaning in life and living again.

NO ONE can cope with grief alone!!!!! (not even adult)

A Shield•Strong, Protector

•Sturdy

•Protects us from getting hurt

•When feeling our “weakest” we may need help from others to keep our shield up.

A ShieldCommon Reactions to Grief

Physicalupset stomach

Emotional shock, numbSpiritual

angry at GodCognitive (Intellectual)

“not really dead, just gone”Behavioral

avoid reminders

Understanding Grief-Common Reactions

Understandinggrief.pdf

•Use the provided shield, to write in your common reactions to grief.

•Share your ideas with one another.

•Walk around the room and record an idea on the large shields.

What is the difference between grief and mourning?Grief Mourning

• Grief is what you think and feel on the inside when someone you love dies. Its numbness, sadness, anger, guilt and sometimes relief all rolled up into one.

• It’s a pain in your gut and a hole in your chest.

• It hurts.

• Mourning is expressing your grief, letting it out somehow.

• Your mourn when you talk about the death, write about it, punch a pillow, cry.

• Everybody grieves inside when someone they love dies. But only people who mourn really heal and move on to live and love fully again.

Life Function

Grief takes time.You won’t get over it in a

month, Or even a year.

In fact you never get over it.You blend it into your life,And make it part of you.

The Six Needs of MourningWhy do we need to mourn?

1. Accept the reality of the death

You will come to accept the death intellectually with your mind.

Only over time, will you come to fully accept it with your heart.

It make take weeks, months to really accept the fact that the person is gone.

THIS is NORMAL.

What can we do to help accept the reality of a death?

2. Let yourself feel the pain of the loss.•You will probably need to “dose” yourself.

•You will need to let just a little in at a time.

•Avoiding is easier than confronting – but confronting tames it.

3. Remember the person who died•“Death ends a life, not a relationship.” –

Morrie•Never let anyone try to take away your

memories.•Remembering the past makes hoping for

the future.

Remember the person who died – helps!•Memory box – full of items

▫Look at it when you feel the need

•Brainstorm a list of characteristics or memories of the person who died. Write as fast as you can for 10 minutes, then put it away and look at it again, another day.

4. Develop a new self-identity

•The person who died was a part of your identity.▫Son, daughter, classmate, friend, teammate

The way you defined yourself and the way society defines you has changed.

Re-anchor yourself!!! This is hard

5. Search for Meaning

•Why do people die?•What happens to people after they die?•Why am I still alive?

•These are hard questions – ask adults that you care about and trust.

•Listen – you do not need to agree, but listen

6. Let others help you, now and always.

•Grief – isn’t an “on your own” kind of deal.

•Talk to adults, join a support group, email thoughts and feelings you don’t have to look at every day.

So, what am I going to do to take care of myself?•Exercise•Sleep 8 hours•Shower, brush teeth•Eat well – avoid sugar, high fat•Massage•Talk to others•Pamper yourself

•Bill of the Rights for the Bereaved.