A N A TTITUDE OF G RATITUDE ! November 26 th Counselor Coffee David Letiecq & Katelyn Regan

AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE!

November 26th Counselor Coffee

David Letiecq & Katelyn Regan

Gratitude Defined

“It’s an affirmation of goodness. We affirm that there are good things in the world, gifts and benefits we’ve received.”

- Robert Emmons

Definition (cont’d)

“We recognize that the sources of this goodness are outside of ourselves…We acknowledge that other people—or even higher powers, if you’re of a spiritual mindset—gave us many gifts, big and small, to help us achieve the goodness in our lives.”

- Robert Emmons

3 Main Ways to Appreciate Life!

1. Be grateful for something that has gone RIGHT– The things you’ve worked hard for (successful career,

good marriage, a proper education, etc.)

2. Be grateful for something that is OK but taken for granted– The things we forget to be thankful for (health, enough

food to eat, a peaceful place to live, etc.)

3. Be grateful for something that went WRONG with a purpose– Something unpleasant that came with valuable lessons (a

friendship lost, an illness overcome, etc.)

http://www.klbmha.com

Let’s play cards!

The Science Behind Gratitude

Study #1 – By Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough

- Participants randomly assigned to 1 of 3 groups- Once a week for 10 weeks

- Group 1: List 5 things you are grateful for this past week- Group 2: List 5 hassles that displeased you this past week- Group 3: List 5 things that happened this week

- Participants were surveyed after the 10 weeks

http://greatergood.berkeley.edu

The Science Behind Gratitude

Findings from Study #1 - At the end of 10 weeks:• Those who kept the gratitude journal felt better

about their life and were more optimistic• On a scale used to calculate well-being, they were

25% happier than other participants• Those in the gratitude group had fewer complaints

of physical illness and spent more time exercising.

http://greatergood.berkeley.edu

The Science Behind Gratitude

Study #2 – Same study but involving patients with chronic neuromuscular disease

Findings from those in the gratitude group: • Fewer negative emotions & felt more connected to

others• Slept longer and better• Spouses of the participants in the gratitude group

reported that the participants were more outwardly happy

http://greatergood.berkeley.edu

The Science Behind Gratitude

Study #3 – By Jeffery Froh with 221 middle school students

- 11 classrooms were assigned to 1 of the 3 groups for 2 weeks

- Students completed a questionnaire measuring mental and physical health as well as attitude and behavior towards each other: Before, immediately after the 2 weeks, and three weeks later

http://greatergood.berkeley.edu

The Science Behind Gratitude

MS students in the gratitude group reported:• Higher levels of optimism • Increased life satisfaction• Decreased negative feelings• Three weeks later, they still reported gratitude

towards others• Overall, they felt better about life and school • At a whole school level, results were noticeable

through students comments about “how good they have it”

http://greatergood.berkeley.edu

Benefits of Gratitude:On Well-Being • Grateful people report higher levels of:

– Positive emotions– Life satisfaction– Vitality– Optimism

• Grateful people report lower levels of:– Depression– Stress

(all without denying or ignoring negative aspects of life)

www.gratitudepower.net

Benefits of Gratitude: On Social Interactions• Grateful people are more likely to:

– Have the capacity to be empathetic – Can take the perspective of others

• When rated by their social network, they are:– More generous– More helpful

www.gratitudepower.net

Benefits of Gratitude: On Spirituality

“Grateful people are more likely to acknowledge a belief in the interconnectedness of all life and commitment to and responsibility to others”

www.gratitudepower.net

Benefits of Gratitude: On MaterialismGrateful people:

• Place less importance on material goods• Are less likely to judge success (both theirs and

other’s) on possessions accumulated• Are less envious• Are more likely to share

www.gratitudepower.net

Benefits of Gratitude: On Negative Behaviors

Gratitude is negatively associated with:• Substance abuse• Self-blame• Denial• Disengaging from problems

* Gratitude enhances resilience *

Good News about Adolescents• Gratitude may be age dependent

– In a study of 3 to 9-year-olds, only kids between ages 7-9 years had the capacity for gratitude

• Children make a “gratitude leap” at 10 or 11

• Adolescents become less ego-centric and are better able to empathize– “Empathy may be the strongest developmental

catalyst of gratitude”

www.greatschools.org

GRATITUDE SURVEY

Where does GRATITUDE fit in your life?

Or, in your family?

CULTIVATING GRATITUDE

Gratitude: Start with yourself

Savor

• Take time to notice beauty and pleasures in your daily life

• Expressing gratitude for the things that come your way, large or small

• Savoring positive experiences can heighten your positive responses to them

Use the Right Words

• Andrew Newberg, M.D. and Mark Robert Waldman: Words Can Change Your Brain

• Words literally can change your brain.

• “A single word has the power to influence the expression of genes that regulate physical and emotional stress.”

Use the Right Words (cont’d)

• Positive words, such as “peace” and “love,” can alter the expression of genes, strengthening areas in our frontal lobes and promoting the brain’s cognitive functioning.

• Positive words propel the motivational centers of the brain into action and build resiliency.

Vow to Not Be Negative

• Vow to not complain, criticize, or gossip for 10 days.

• If you slip, rally your willpower and keep going.

• Notice the amount of energy you were spending on negative thoughts and actions.

Remember• “Gratitude is the heart’s memory” (French

proverb).

• One of the first steps to thankfulness is to remember those in our lives who have walked with us and shown kindness for deeds big and small.

• The mere exercise of remembering such people can cultivate gratitude in your life.

Look for Meaning

• When you find yourself in a bad situation ask: • What can I learn? • When I look back on this, without emotion,

what will I be grateful for?

• Find a reason to be grateful for any relationship -- even when someone does us harm -- as that person helps us to appreciate our own vulnerability

Feel Your Feelings

• If you miss someone, don't try to escape the feeling; instead use it to feel thankful

• If you are angry, feel it and be thankful for the reminder that you are human

• If you are happy, savor it!

Change Your Thoughts

• If you identify something or someone with a negative trait, switch it in your mind to a positive trait

• Example: The cold conference room > The conference room with a great view

Table Talk

What are you currently doing to be more grateful in your daily life?

Actions & Routines

Keep a Gratitude Journal

• Helps you to focus on the positive things in your life

• A practice which has been shown to increase happiness

Create Gratitude Reminders

• Link gratefulness to a daily activity (for example, when your child leaves for school, take the first 5 minutes of quiet to be grateful)

• Set a daily alarm on your smart phone, and label it “Moment for Gratitude”

• Put a post-it on your bathroom mirror

Be Creative with Nostalgia• Make a whimsical photo album to enjoy. • Include silly pictures of yourself or friends,

and take a look back at it every so often.• Research shows that nostalgia really can

warm the heart: – A sentimental longing or wistful affection for the

past can warm up the body. – Looking at the past in a rosy light, such as with

silly photo journeys, can really boost happiness.

Create a Gratitude Bulletin Board• Start the year with an empty bulletin board

• Throughout the year, post things you are grateful for.

• Include tangible representations of all things good in my life: – letters and cards from people– things you have read that resonate with you– any expression of love from my family and

friends (artwork, poems)

Bulletin Board (cont’d)

• At the end of each year, take everything down from the bulletin board, review and reflect

• Place items in a folder (labeled Gratitude 2015, for example)

Write a Gratitude Letter

Video

Putting it to practice!

Take a Photo Daily

• Take one photo a day, and focused on capturing images that reflected something you are grateful for

• After a while, you will start to notice that each day you will consciously look for positive moments to capture.

Choose Positive Peer Pressure• Hang out with happy couples: you’re more

likely to stay married yourself• Surround yourself with optimists: you will

end up more positive than if you keep company with a bunch of whiners.

• Sit next to a person who likes the words “thank you”: there is a high probability that you will start using those words as well.

Give At Least One Compliment Per Day

• It can be to a person

• Or, it can be asking someone to share your appreciation of something else ("I love how quiet it is in the morning, don’t you?”)

Compliments: The Do’s and Don’ts

1. DO be genuine. False praise is easy to spot, and it undermines your trustworthiness.

2. DON’T give back-handed compliments, such as "You throw a ball well for a girl.”

3. DO be as specific as possible.

4. DON’T brush off a compliment given to you. It’s like returning a gift.

5. DO smile and say thank-you when you receive a compliment. 

Give Back

• Giving back doesn’t mean reciprocating favors so that everything is fair and the tally is even.

• If someone does an act of kindness for you, one way to say thanks is to do the same for another.

Become Involved in a Cause

• Donate money or time or talent

• By joining in, you’ll gain greater appreciation for the organization, and it will appreciate you more, too.

Mindful Eating• Eat meals with a meditative mindset.

• Rather than gobbling down our food, savor each bite, really tasting each delicious morsel, and feeling grateful for the health benefits of every ingredient.

• Eating with an attitude of appreciation helps us make better choices for increased nutritional value in our diet, thus contributing to better health.

Take a Gratitude Walk

• Particularly useful when you’re feeling down or filled with stress and worry

• Set aside 20 minutes or longer and walk• As you walk, consider the many things for

which you are grateful• Breathe, pause, and be grateful for the air

that is filling your lungs and making your life possible.

• Pay attention to your senses and see how many things you can find to feel grateful for.

Model Gratitude

• Thank your spouse / partner for small and large contributions / actions

• Thank your kids for doing something they should do, like clean their room – By reinforcing this, kids will internalize the idea,

and do it on their own."

Family Rituals• Create moments of gratitude, such as a

prayer or acknowledgement:– during dinner, during a vacation, or after an

experience

• At dinner, discuss the high and low points of our day and express gratitude for them– Excellent way to demonstrate resilience with

your kids– When they hear you discuss low points and see

how you navigate through them -- you are showing them how to face and overcome challenges.  

A Compunding Effect

• During these rituals, you might feel gratitude about a family member's answer

Connect with Loved Ones

• Cook with a loved one via Skype• Create a weekly shared dinner with family

friends• Have a date with your son or daughter• Create video ‘letters’ to send to

grandparents, aunts, uncles, or cousins• Skype into a party happening elsewhere

Make It Fun ~ The OOPS Game• When you catch yourself being critical of

anything / anyone, say out loud “OOPS” (short for, “Out of Principle, Sweetheart!”)

• Then, quickly, think of something you’re grateful for instead, whether it is related or not

• Playing throughout the day in the spirit of playfulness and fun can increase happiness with very little effort

Table Talk

In what ways will you enhance your own attitude of gratitude?

Table Talk

What are some ideas that you can bring to your family to create or enhance the attitude of gratitude?

Some gratitude projects happening at school:

Resources

Resources

Apps & Websites• ThankfulFor.com

– A website to publicly post what you are grateful for. You also can set up a private online gratitude journal.

• Gratitude Journal for iPhone, Gratitude Plus for iPad– Both apps encourage you to write at least five

good things daily, add photos, and rate the day.

…and MORE…

• Treater– Smartphone app (iOS and Android) that enables

you to give real gifts to your Facebook friends.

• Red Stamp– This iOS app will send personalized cards and

notes any way you like: email, text, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and paper mail.

…and even MORE…

• Live Happy – Facilitates goal setting and tracking, expressing gratitude

directly to others via text or email, replaying happy days, keeping a savoring photo album, envisioning your best possible self, nurturing relationships, and remembering acts of kindness.

• Daily Gift from Deepak Chopra – Delivers Daily Karma, videos, and inspirational quotes

from our favorite spiritual guru each day at a time that you specify

…and, of course, MORE…

• Gratitude Stream– Encourages you to record what you’re grateful

for on a daily basis, but even better, it allows you to share your positive feelings with the rest of the world.

– You can follow the worldwide stream of thankful thoughts either via the mobile app

AND THERE ARE MORE AND MORE….

Sources• Catherine Price, freelance writer• Therese J. Borchard, associate editor• http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/

2013/12/28/6-ways-to-cultivate-gratitude/• http://www.unstuck.com/gratitude.html• Fauzia Burke, Huffington Post contributor• Dr. Hyder Zahed, Huffington Post contributor• Wynne Parry, LiveScience Contributor,

www.livescience.com• http://www.chopra.com/ccl/cultivate-the-healing-

power-of-gratitude• http://www.meaningandhappiness.com/

Closing Activity:Gratitude Quilt