hi, my name is katie.

you know how your parents tell you

you are special and one of a kind?

that dream died for me early on

when i got put on a youth soccer team

with seven katies.

seven.

katie

katiekatie

katie

katie

katie

katie

katie go for the goal!

no, not you katie, you stay back on defense!

katie! don’t let your man get away.

katie, look to your left!

katie, look to your other left!

come on katie, get your head in the game!

it was clear that the name katie wasn’t going to cut it.

thus began the nicknames.

some more traumatizing than others.but anything was better than

JUST plain katie.

Katie kat

i can only assume this was a predictor of my future ‘cat lady’ status.

casey

it started out as my initials kc, but shortly people thought my name was actually casey.

GROSS.

Hang loose kc

because apparently my favorite hawaiian ‘hang loose’ t-shirt made it

into my wardrobe rotation more than was socially acceptable.

turned into my favorite aol screen name in 1998.

MARY CHOPPIN’ WOOD.

A MARY CHAPIN CARPENTER REFERENCE GONE WRONG.

butt face

yes, I have a cleft chin that has a striking resemblance to a

miniature butt living on my face.

katiechapinface

slight upgrade from butt face, don’t you think?

chap- IN.

AS IF YOU ARE WELCOMING IN AN OLE’ CHAP for a drink.

AND FINALLY, THE ONE THAT STUCK

chapes (like grapes)

of course it wasn’t an easy road, adopting my new nickname.

there was confusion at first.chapes?

some people called me chaps.

(like chapstick)

others told me my new name sounded like an unpleasant disease.

MOST JUST GAVE ME THE EYEBROW RAISE.

but before long, even my high school history teacher was calling me chapes.

and after years and years of frustration

my days of saying

‘hi my name is katie’

were long gone.

i finally had a nickname with

personality and spunk.

it’s chapes, bitch.

ok, i actually don’t use swear words.

but yeah, my name is chapes.