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WELCOME TO THE JACKSON STREET CHURCH OF CHRIST WE’RE GLAD YOU’RE HERE

rules for correctly handling conflict

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Page 1: rules for correctly handling conflict

WELCOME TO THE JACKSON STREET CHURCH OF

CHRIST

WE’RE GLAD YOU’RE HERE

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1 Cor. 3:1-3 And I, brethren, could not speak to you as to spiritual people but as to carnal, as to

babes in Christ. [2] I fed you with milk and not with solid food; for until now you were not able to

receive it, and even now you are still not able; [3] for you are still carnal. For where there are envy, strife, and divisions among you, are you not carnal and behaving

like mere men?

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RULES FOR

CORRECTLY HANDLING CONFLICT

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INTRODUCTION

A. These rules are applicable to all relationships: husband/wife, parent/child, employer/employee, neighbors, friends, yes, even church members

B. Even war has its rules

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I. COOL OFF FIRST ‑ THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK

A. (Prov 15: 1) A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.

B. (Prov 15:18) A wrathful man stirs up strife, But he who is slow to anger allays contention.

C. (Prov 15:28) The heart of the righteous studies how to answer, But the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil.

D. If you cool off first you may choose to forget the whole thing

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II. GIVE POSITIVE STROKES FIRSTA. (1 Cor 1:2‑3) To the church of God which is at

Corinth, to those who are sanctified in Christ Jesus, called to be saints, with all who in every place call on the name of Jesus Christ our Lord, both theirs and ours: {3) Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

B. Knowing what we do about the Corinthian church how might Paul have introduced this letter: division, sexual immorality, going to law against brothers, drunken feast of lord's supper, misuse of spiritual gifts?

C.Dear jerks, I've had it with you. How dare you call yourselves Christians?

D.Philemon

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Ill. DON'T LOSE SELF‑CONTROL

A. (Prov 16:32) He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.

B. (Prov 29:11) A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back.

C. There is a difference between "anger in control" and "anger under control"

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IV. DON'T BRING UP THE PAST

A. (Mat 6:34) "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

B. (Phil 3:13) Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead,

C. (I Cor 13:5) Love does not keep records of wrong.

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V. FIX THE PROBLEM NOT BLAME

A. (Gen 3:11‑13) And He said, 'Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?" {12) Then the man said, "The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate." 113) And the LORD God said to the woman, 'What is this you have done?" The woman said, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate.“

B. In most human conflict there is seldom a totally innocent party

C. Our focus should be on solving the problem, not placing blame

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VI. DON'T ASSUME MOTIVESA. (Prov 18:13) He who answers a

matter before he hears it, It is folly and shame to him.

B. (James 1: 19) So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;

C. Most conflict is the result of a failure to truly listen and understand what is really being said

D. Listening is the most important tool to settle conflict

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VII. DON'T USE LABELS

A.(Gen 37:17‑19) And the man said, "They have departed from here, for I heard them say, 'Let us go to Dothan.'" So Joseph went after his brothers and found them in Dothan. { 18) Now when they saw him afar off, even before he came near them, they conspired against him to kill him. {1 9) Then they said to one another, "Look, this dreamer is coming!

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VII. DON'T USE LABELSB. (Mat 5:22) "1 say to you that whoever is

angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother, 'Raca!' shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, 'You fool!' shall be in danger of hell fire.

C. Chinese proverb: he who throws mud loses ground

D. When we run out of logic, we resort to name calling

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VIII. DON'T HIT BELOW THE BELT

A.(Col 3:12‑14) Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving, one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.

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VIII. DON'T HIT BELOW THE BELTB. (Mat 5:43‑48) "You have heard that it was

said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' "But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, "that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.

C. Taking advantage of a person's weakness or vulnerability is not acting in love and kindness

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IX. ARGUE…A.WITH THE RIGHT PERSON ‑ (Gal 4:16)

Have I therefore become your enemy because I tell you the truth?

B.ABOUT THE RIGHT THING ‑ (Jonah 4:5‑11)

C.AT THE RIGHT TIME1. (Prov 25:11) A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold In settings of silver.2. (Prov 15:23) A word spoken in due season, how good it is!

D.Man angry about work, comes home & yells at wife, who then yells at the child, who then kicks the dog, which then chases the cat, which chases the mouse.

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X. AVOID GUNNY SACKINGA. (Eph 4:26‑27) "Be angry, and do not

sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath, {27) nor give place to the devil.

B. (Mat 5:25) "Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison.

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X. AVOID GUNNY SACKINGC. (Acts 24:24‑25) And after some days,

when Felix came with his wife Drusilla, who was Jewish, he sent for Paul and heard him concerning the faith in Christ. {251 Now as he reasoned about righteousness, self‑control, and the judgment to come, Felix was afraid and answered, "Go away for now; when I have a convenient time I will call for you.“

D. The quicker conflict can be settled the better the outcome

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CONCLUSION 1.COOL OFF FIRST ‑ THINK BEFORE YOU

SPEAK

2.GIVE POSITIVE STROKES FIRST

3.DON'T LOSE SELF‑CONTROL

4.DON'T BRING UP THE PAST

5.FIX THE PROBLEM NOT THE BLAME

6.DON'T MIND‑READ OR ASSUME MOTIVES

7.DON'T USE LABELS OR NAME CALLING

8.DON'T HIT BELOW THE BELT

9.ARGUE WITH THE RIGHT PERSON, ABOUT THE RIGHT THING, AT THE RIGHT TIME

10.AVOID GUNNY SACKING UNSETTLED CONFLICT