Christian family life 3 of 4

CHRISTIAN HOME 3CHRISTIAN HOME 3

Nirmal NathanNirmal Nathan

PREPARATION FOR MARRIED LIFEPREPARATION FOR MARRIED LIFE:: Chaste life today (2 Tim 2:22, 1 Tim 5:2)Chaste life today (2 Tim 2:22, 1 Tim 5:2) Marriage only to a ‘Believer’ (2 Cor 6:14-18)Marriage only to a ‘Believer’ (2 Cor 6:14-18) Choice of God Vs Choice of man, ABCDEF ….. GChoice of God Vs Choice of man, ABCDEF ….. G Compatible appropriate ageCompatible appropriate age Caste (Gal 3:28)Caste (Gal 3:28) Dowry- the example of Abraham ( Gen 24)Dowry- the example of Abraham ( Gen 24) Priority of character (Pro 31:10-31)Priority of character (Pro 31:10-31) Inner beauty Vs external beauty (Pro 30)Inner beauty Vs external beauty (Pro 30) True beauty (1 Pet 3:3-4)True beauty (1 Pet 3:3-4)

BLESSINGS OF PSALM 128BLESSINGS OF PSALM 128

I I ‘‘MarriageMarriage’ = Covenant family = ’ = Covenant family = LORD + Husband + Wife. LORD + Husband + Wife.

IIII ‘‘AdulteryAdultery’ = ’ = Relationship in contravention of covenantRelationship in contravention of covenant

CHRISTIAN HOME / LIFE STYLECHRISTIAN HOME / LIFE STYLE

FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALLFOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL

WHERE DO WHERE DO CHILDREN FIT CHILDREN FIT

IN ?IN ?

NEW BOUNDARIESNEW BOUNDARIES

NEW NEW BOUNDARIESBOUNDARIES

PARENTSPARENTS IN LAW

JOB /

BUSINESS /

MINISTRY

CHILDRENHUSBAND & WIFE

GOD

SEPARATION FROM OLD TIES

‘FOR THIS REASON MAN SHALL LEAVE

HIS PARENTS…’(tho’ not severance).

NO NO

ENCROACHMENT !ENCROACHMENT !

HONOUR YOUR PARENTSHONOUR YOUR PARENTS

UNDERSTAND INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCES UNDERSTAND INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCES

REPAIR WORKREPAIR WORK

Men and women are different.

Understanding the differences helps men understand their wives, and vice-versa.

Some differences are:

MAN - WOMANMAN - WOMANLogical ThinkerLogical Thinker - - Emotional FeelerEmotional Feeler

Needs a Good ListenerNeeds a Good Listener - - Needs Response Needs Response Needs to be AdmiredNeeds to be Admired - - Needs to be LovedNeeds to be LovedTends to ForgetTends to Forget - - Tends to Remind or NagTends to Remind or Nag

Gives GeneralitiesGives Generalities - - Gives DetailsGives Details Tends to be insensitiveTends to be insensitive - - Tends to Take Things Tends to Take Things

Personally PersonallyStands Back and EvaluatesStands Back and Evaluates - - Reacts IntuitivelyReacts IntuitivelyCan be NomadicCan be Nomadic - - Must have Roots for SecurityMust have Roots for Security

CHRISTIAN HOMECHRISTIAN HOME

God made woman God made woman not from man’s heard - to dominate him;not from man’s heard - to dominate him; nor from his foot - to be subservient to himnor from his foot - to be subservient to him

but from his but from his sideside - to be loved and - to be loved and cherished by him.cherished by him.

RESPONSIBILITIES OF HUSBANDRESPONSIBILITIES OF HUSBAND

WISE ? SOLOMON !WISE ? SOLOMON !


The Priest of the family – the church at homeThe Priest of the family – the church at home Provider for the familyProvider for the family Lover of family Lover of family Enabler of growth of individual family membersEnabler of growth of individual family members Wife is his glory (1 Cor 11:7)Wife is his glory (1 Cor 11:7) Protects with lifeProtects with life Equal with wife and yet leader of the family (1 Equal with wife and yet leader of the family (1

Tim 3:5)Tim 3:5) Role model for the childrenRole model for the children


WIFE THEN & NOWWIFE THEN & NOW

RESPONSIBILITIES OF WIFERESPONSIBILITIES OF WIFERole model (Pro 31)Role model (Pro 31)

‘‘Suitable helper’ = surrounds husbandSuitable helper’ = surrounds husbandEncouragerEncouragerCompanionCompanionComforterComforter

Sobering effect on husbandSobering effect on husbandAdministrator of familyAdministrator of family

Rejoices at husband’s gloryRejoices at husband’s gloryHusband is her gloryHusband is her glory

Equal with husband and yet submits like her husband Equal with husband and yet submits like her husband doesdoes

YOU KNOW WHY MEN BECAME BALD !YOU KNOW WHY MEN BECAME BALD !

RESPONSIBILITIES OF WIFERESPONSIBILITIES OF WIFE

SUPPORTINGSUPPORTINGCRITIQUECRITIQUE

VSVS

NAGGINGNAGGINGFAULT FINDERFAULT FINDER

RESPONSIBILITIES OF BOTHRESPONSIBILITIES OF BOTH Matthew 19:3-12Matthew 19:3-12 PERMANENCY - FIDELITY, PURITYPERMANENCY - FIDELITY, PURITY Some of the O.T. concepts are reiterated Some of the O.T. concepts are reiterated

and confirmed by Jesus, with the added and confirmed by Jesus, with the added emphasis onemphasis on

MYSTERY PASSAGEMYSTERY PASSAGE Ephesians 5:21 - 25; 28-32Ephesians 5:21 - 25; 28-32 HUSBAND – LOVE ! WIFE – HONOUR AND SUBMISSION

PAYPAY

ATTENATTENTIONTION

Communication & CaringCommunication & Caring““Accept one another, then, just as Christ Accept one another, then, just as Christ

accepted you, in order to bring accepted you, in order to bring praise to God” (Rom 15:7)praise to God” (Rom 15:7)

Communication is to love what blood Communication is to love what blood is to life. It is the key to sharing of our is to life. It is the key to sharing of our lives, and resolving of our conflicts.lives, and resolving of our conflicts.

Pay attention. Listen to the message, Pay attention. Listen to the message, don’t just hear the words. don’t just hear the words.

Communication & CaringCommunication & Caring

Accept. Do not confuse with “agree.” Accept. Do not confuse with “agree.” You can accept without agreeing. You can accept without agreeing.

Speak on same wave-length. Speak on same wave-length. Learn non-verbal communication. Learn non-verbal communication.

Know before you are told. Know before you are told. Set “sacred time.” Cultivate wide, Set “sacred time.” Cultivate wide,

overlapping interestsoverlapping interests

CONFLICT-SOLVINGCONFLICT-SOLVING

““Be ye angry and sin not; let not the Be ye angry and sin not; let not the sun set upon your wrath” (Eph 4:26, sun set upon your wrath” (Eph 4:26, KJV). KJV).

Do not be surprised, afraid or Do not be surprised, afraid or discouraged by conflicts. It is part of discouraged by conflicts. It is part of life: life: the more growth, the more pain.the more growth, the more pain.


Recognise the four styles of handling Recognise the four styles of handling conflict. Which is yours? Your spouse? conflict. Which is yours? Your spouse?

Appreciate that different people handle Appreciate that different people handle conflicts differently, e.g. conflicts differently, e.g.

one may want to talk about it while one may want to talk about it while conflict is on; conflict is on;

the other may want to wait till the other may want to wait till things things cool down.cool down.


Work towards “resolve” (win-win), Work towards “resolve” (win-win), if not possible, if not possible,

then work on “compromise”. then work on “compromise”.

Note the difference: Note the difference: resolve deals with the “root cause”, resolve deals with the “root cause”,

compromise only with the “symptoms”.compromise only with the “symptoms”.

HOW DO YOU FACE CONFLICTS ?HOW DO YOU FACE CONFLICTS ?

YIELD RESOLVE

COMPROMISE

WITHDRAW WIN

HIGH IN HIGH IN ACHIEVED ACHIEVED

NEEDSNEEDS

LOW IN LOW IN ACHIEVED ACHIEVED

NEEDSNEEDS

LOW CONCERN FOR LOW CONCERN FOR RELATIONSHIPRELATIONSHIP

HIGH CONCERN FOR HIGH CONCERN FOR RELATIONSHIPRELATIONSHIP


Use “I” (how I feel) rather than “you” Use “I” (how I feel) rather than “you” (what you have done) language. “You (what you have done) language. “You always…” or “You never…” is always…” or “You never…” is accusatory and often provokes denial accusatory and often provokes denial and argument. and argument.

““I feel...” or “I am…” expresses how I feel...” or “I am…” expresses how one feels and invites understanding. one feels and invites understanding.


Deal with the issue; don’t attack the Deal with the issue; don’t attack the person. Kick the ball, not the leg. Keep person. Kick the ball, not the leg. Keep the main issue the main issue, the main issue the main issue,

e.g. if the issue is finances, don’t attack e.g. if the issue is finances, don’t attack the in-laws.the in-laws.


Pray together. Nothing humbles us like Pray together. Nothing humbles us like coming into the presence of the Lord. coming into the presence of the Lord. Cultivate a habit of praying together at Cultivate a habit of praying together at the start and end of the day. It will help the start and end of the day. It will help in times of trouble.in times of trouble.

RESULT – REDEMPTION OF FAMILYRESULT – REDEMPTION OF FAMILY

Redemption is experienced - families Redemption is experienced - families live the redeemed life of love, live the redeemed life of love, forgiveness, reconciliation etc.forgiveness, reconciliation etc.

““Marriage itself can be a redemptive Marriage itself can be a redemptive experience whereby men and women experience whereby men and women are redeemed by each other’s love are redeemed by each other’s love from sickness, isolation, insecurity and from sickness, isolation, insecurity and selfishness, and healed in the deepest selfishness, and healed in the deepest parts of their personalities.”parts of their personalities.”

RESPONSIBILITIES OF PARENTSRESPONSIBILITIES OF PARENTS

BRINGING UP CHILDREN:BRINGING UP CHILDREN: Genesis 1:28Genesis 1:28 “Be fruitful and multiply” “Be fruitful and multiply”

Children are praised in Scriptures e.g. Genesis 15:5 Prov 16:, Ps. 127:3-5

God’s purpose – Mal 2:15 To bring forth a holy race we’re to dwell in families. Gen 12:3; Eph 3:15

PARENTINGPARENTING

CHILDRENCHILDREN

God’s and not yoursGod’s and not yours Prayer of ManoahPrayer of Manoah Instructions ‘in the LORD’Instructions ‘in the LORD’ Point them to the LORD and not to yourselfPoint them to the LORD and not to yourself Self fulfilling prophecies (Life and death Self fulfilling prophecies (Life and death

are at the authority of tongue)are at the authority of tongue) Chastisement Vs punishmentChastisement Vs punishment

DANGER DANGER

CAUTION:CAUTION: Ministry first to the family. Ministry first to the family. If notIf not

Family may be hurt & spoiltFamily may be hurt & spoilt Ministry outside may be affectedMinistry outside may be affected Children may not grow up as Children of God Children may not grow up as Children of God

( 1 Sam 2:22-25)( 1 Sam 2:22-25)

ESSENTIAL FOR BLESSINGESSENTIAL FOR BLESSING OF THE FAMILYOF THE FAMILY (PS 128):(PS 128):

Meaningful touchMeaningful touch Encouraging wordsEncouraging words Think high of family membersThink high of family members Stand firm as per marriage oathStand firm as per marriage oath Joy & pride at childbirth should remain Joy & pride at childbirth should remain

throughoutthroughout Active commitment for the joy of the familyActive commitment for the joy of the family

KEY QUESTIONKEY QUESTION

Relationship – Does the way we relate to Relationship – Does the way we relate to our spouse and to our children reflect our spouse and to our children reflect God’s characteristics of love, patience, God’s characteristics of love, patience, gentleness, forgiveness, etc.?gentleness, forgiveness, etc.?

How do we view our spouse – equal with How do we view our spouse – equal with us under God, or we as superior and us under God, or we as superior and they as inferior? As a person or a thing?they as inferior? As a person or a thing?

TELL YOUR WIFE / HUSBANDTELL YOUR WIFE / HUSBAND

1.1.Next to God, you are Next to God, you are the most important the most important person in my life. person in my life.


2. I accept you as you are, and 2. I accept you as you are, and forgive you any wrong you do.forgive you any wrong you do. (“Accept one another… just as Christ (“Accept one another… just as Christ accepted you….” Romans 15.7; “…accepted you….” Romans 15.7; “…Forgiving each other, just as in Christ Forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4.32).God forgave you.” Ephesians 4.32).


3.3. I share your burden and I share your burden and listen to your heart. listen to your heart.

(“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this (“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6.2; Galatians 6.2;

“…“…Everyone should be quick to listen, Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak….” James 1.19).slow to speak….” James 1.19).


4.4. I am your servant-leader, and I am your servant-leader, and work for your best interests. work for your best interests. (“Submit to one another out of reverence (“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” for Christ.” Ephesians 5.21)Ephesians 5.21)


5.5. I am committed to you for as I am committed to you for as long as I live. long as I live.

(“Therefore what God has joined together, (“Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” Mark 10.9). let man not separate.” Mark 10.9).


6.6. Next to God, you are the Next to God, you are the most important person in most important person in my life. my life.

Spiritual

Christian family life 3 of 4