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3RD SPEECHTitle: “A Second Chance to Make the Right Impression; A Search for My
Own Answer”
February 12, 2015
http://hbr.org article by Heidi Grant Halvorson entitled; ”Managing Yourself A Second Chance to Make the Right Impression”
Introduction
Question
• How many of us have ever felt we probably did not make a good first impression the first time we met someone?
• OR• That we have probably
been misconstrued the first time we met someone?
“Gordon and Bob”
• Gordon’s lunch with Bob:• “… this is great. You should try
this.”• “… this is great. You should try
this sometime.”
• “… my lunch is excellent.”
• The Gordon accomplishments talk over lunch…
The Challenge“… the way we see each other is irrational, incomplete, and
inflexible- and largely (but not entirely) automatic”
• Fairly easy to read strong basic emotions :• Surprise, Fear, Anger etc.
• More subtle emotions; hard to read:• A little concerned, Confused, Disappointment, Nervousness etc.
These create the transparency illusion:
• ‘You’re kind of hurt’ face probably looks a lot like ‘You’re not at all hurt’ face.
• ‘They know what I meant’
Causes & EffectsCauses
• “You screwed up and you know it”
• However, “… [often], bad first impressions stem from certain biases in how people perceive one another”• “… research shows only
weak correlations between what others think of us and how we see ourselves”
Effects…
• Problems in Personal life• Self conflict
• Problems in Professional life…• Mistrust• Dislike • Ignore
Path to A 2nd Chance
Your opportunity resides in research…
• Errors in reading people are highly predictable due to:• Perception being governed by
rules and, biases can be identified and anticipated
Recognizing the phases in evaluating a person…
• Phase I:• Quick and without conscious
thought at this stage
• Reliance on variety of heuristics, stereotypes, and other assumptions often using any or all of the following;
• Your physical appearance• Organizational role• Body language
Path to A 2nd Chance Cont.
Recognizing the phases in evaluating a person…
• Phase II:• More conscious thought and
hard work with;• Close attention
• Gathering disparate data, and making sense of it to draw informed, thoughtful conclusions about a person.
• Serious mental effort is employed at this stage
The Phases through the Lenses…
• Trust• “… figuring out if they can trust you
as a friend or foe”
• Power• “… comes into play when there’s
disparity of power”
• Ego• “… who’s on top”
• “Subconsciously … people often want confirmation that they, or their group, are superior to other individuals or group”
Conclusion• Take advantage of your knowledge of the three lenses via
which people form their first impressions of you. For example:• To get someone to see you accurately through their trust lens,
project warmth and competence. Give right physical signal, make eye contact, etc.
• To get someone to see you accurately through their power lens, be sure to demonstrate your instrumentality at every reasonable opportunity.
• Last but not least, to be seen positively through a person’s ego lens, be modest and inclusive.
THANK YOU!
Let us all start creating second impressions of others.