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3 RD SPEECH Title: “A Second Chance to Make the Right Impression; A Search for My Own Answer” February 12, 2015 http://hbr.org article by Heidi Grant Halvorson entitled; ”Managing Yourself A Second Chance to Make the Right Impression”

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Page 1: 3rd speech at Toastmasters

3RD SPEECHTitle: “A Second Chance to Make the Right Impression; A Search for My

Own Answer”

February 12, 2015

http://hbr.org article by Heidi Grant Halvorson entitled; ”Managing Yourself A Second Chance to Make the Right Impression”

Page 2: 3rd speech at Toastmasters

Introduction

Question

• How many of us have ever felt we probably did not make a good first impression the first time we met someone?

• OR• That we have probably

been misconstrued the first time we met someone?

“Gordon and Bob”

• Gordon’s lunch with Bob:• “… this is great. You should try

this.”• “… this is great. You should try

this sometime.”

• “… my lunch is excellent.”

• The Gordon accomplishments talk over lunch…

Page 3: 3rd speech at Toastmasters

The Challenge“… the way we see each other is irrational, incomplete, and

inflexible- and largely (but not entirely) automatic”

• Fairly easy to read strong basic emotions :• Surprise, Fear, Anger etc.

• More subtle emotions; hard to read:• A little concerned, Confused, Disappointment, Nervousness etc.

These create the transparency illusion:

• ‘You’re kind of hurt’ face probably looks a lot like ‘You’re not at all hurt’ face.

• ‘They know what I meant’

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Causes & EffectsCauses

• “You screwed up and you know it”

• However, “… [often], bad first impressions stem from certain biases in how people perceive one another”• “… research shows only

weak correlations between what others think of us and how we see ourselves”

Effects…

• Problems in Personal life• Self conflict

• Problems in Professional life…• Mistrust• Dislike • Ignore

Page 5: 3rd speech at Toastmasters

Path to A 2nd Chance

Your opportunity resides in research…

• Errors in reading people are highly predictable due to:• Perception being governed by

rules and, biases can be identified and anticipated

Recognizing the phases in evaluating a person…

• Phase I:• Quick and without conscious

thought at this stage

• Reliance on variety of heuristics, stereotypes, and other assumptions often using any or all of the following;

• Your physical appearance• Organizational role• Body language

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Path to A 2nd Chance Cont.

Recognizing the phases in evaluating a person…

• Phase II:• More conscious thought and

hard work with;• Close attention

• Gathering disparate data, and making sense of it to draw informed, thoughtful conclusions about a person.

• Serious mental effort is employed at this stage

The Phases through the Lenses…

• Trust• “… figuring out if they can trust you

as a friend or foe”

• Power• “… comes into play when there’s

disparity of power”

• Ego• “… who’s on top”

• “Subconsciously … people often want confirmation that they, or their group, are superior to other individuals or group”

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Conclusion• Take advantage of your knowledge of the three lenses via

which people form their first impressions of you. For example:• To get someone to see you accurately through their trust lens,

project warmth and competence. Give right physical signal, make eye contact, etc.

• To get someone to see you accurately through their power lens, be sure to demonstrate your instrumentality at every reasonable opportunity.

• Last but not least, to be seen positively through a person’s ego lens, be modest and inclusive.

Page 8: 3rd speech at Toastmasters

THANK YOU!

Let us all start creating second impressions of others.