Effective Writing Tips for Army Lawyers, Army Officers & Everyone Else

MAJ Mason S. WeissInstructor/Writer

U.S. Army Military Police SchoolSeptember 2014

Why does this matter?

• If you can write intelligently, then you can think intelligently.

• If you can think intelligently, then you can act intelligently.

• If you can write, think and act intelligently, then you will understand yourself, others will understand you, and you will succeed in life.

• If you cannot write, think, or act intelligently, then your life will usually be a mess.

September 2014

Some Sources on Good Writing

• The Elements of Style, Strunk & White• A Grammar Book for You and I—Oops Me!, C.

Edward Good• On Writing, a Memoir of the Craft, Stephen King• The Dictionary of Concise Writing- More than

10,000 Alternatives to Wordy Phrases, Robert H.Fiske

• Plain English for Lawyers, Richard Wydick• The Elements of Legal Style by Bryan A. Garner

September 2014

Some Keys to Success

1.Use Verb Based Prose!

2.Eliminate the passive voice!

3. ≠“To Be” [Use E Prime]

4. Get rid of nominalizations

5. Use Short Sentences & Omit Needless Words

September 2014

Use Verb Based Prose

“The word is the Verb, and the Verb is God.”

Victor Hugo (1802 – 1885, French Writer, Les Contemplations, “Suite,” pt. 1., ch 8 (1856)

September 2014

Verb Based Prose

Four Types of Verbs•Linking: Senses (feel, look, smell, etc.) and other

verbs that link the subject with a compliment (e.g., seem, become, remain).

•Transitive: Action that terminates with an object (e.g., The shelf holds three books.)

•Instransitive: Action with no object (e.g., The train arrived four hours late.)

•Passive: “to be” and its various forms.

September 2014

Verb Based Prose

•Verb Based Writing: center your sentences on the verbs you use

•Ask yourself: what action do you want taking place in your sentences?

•Who does what to whom?

September 2014

Verb Based Prose

•The prediction of the existence of antiparticles was made by Dirac in 1927 and its confirmation was an important reason for the construction of the Bevatron at Berkley in 1954 [30 words]. . .

•Dirac predicted in 1927 that antiparticles exist. Once this statement was confirmed, the Bevatron was built in 1954 [18 words].

September 2014

Verb Based Prose

• Telling the two he was leaving, appellant soon began arguing with SPC Jones again, spat in her face, and spat in PFC Smith’s face. SPC Jones spat back at appellant. Grabbing SPC Jones by the throat, appellant pushed her against the bed and began choking her. “Gritting” his teeth and “convulsing” his face, appellant, acting “mad” and “crazy” began repeating “I will kill you, you know I will kill you.” Trying to respond, SPC Jones replied, “I know.”

September 2014

Verb Based Prose

• Thrown into his frenzy because SPC Jones and PFC Smith earlier fondled each other without him participating, appellant’s anger gradually subsided after regaining control of the situation and he became sexually aroused. Accordingly, appellant told SPC Jones and PFC Smith to caress each other. After appellant directed the two to touch or kiss, PFC Smith felt mocked and disgusted. Appellant then got into bed with the two and after the three had sex they all went to sleep.

September 2014

Eliminate the Passive Voice

• “Sir, mistakes were made.”

Sir, I made a mistake . . .”

• “The ball was hit by John.”

John hit the ball.

•Remember: who is doing what to whom?! When you use active voice, you can always tell!

September 2014

Eliminate the Verb “To Be”

•Verb based prose means avoiding “To Be” and its various forms:

≠ am, is, are, was, were, being, been, has been, had been, will have been.

•When you “swat bees” in your writing, it automatically eliminates the passive voice!i.e., The ball was hit by John [becomes] John hit the ball!

September 2014

Eliminate the Verb “To Be”

• “E-Prime” teaches that we should not use the verb “to be” since because it (is!!!) immoral.

•Johnny is a bad boy vs. Johnny behaves badly now.

•I have always been bad at math vs.Up until now, I have had a difficult time doing well at math.•Remember, very few things really “are” . . .

September 2014

Eliminate the Verb “To Be”

•Do a word search for all conjugations of “to be” and try rewriting the sentences without them. You’ll find it more powerful and easier to read!

•Mike is a photographer for the local paper-Mike works as a photographer for the paper [better]-Mike shoots photographs for the paper [best]•That scandal is interesting to a lot of people-That scandal interests a lot of people

September 2014

Get rid of Nominalizations!

•Nominalization = turning a verb into a noun

•Nominalizations “thingify” acts/verbs and make them static.

•“I made a decision” vs. “I decided” (what’s the difference??????) -When you “thingify” something, you get stuck—in writing, in thinking, in a bad job, bad relationship, etc. But with verbs = movement = change

September 2014

Get rid of Nominalizations!

•Nominalization = turning a verb into a noun•Johnny acted quickly.-Johnny took action quickly.•Mike decided what to do.-Mike made a decision about what to do.•Eric impressed me.-Eric made an impression on me. •Mildred suggested I do something fun.-Mildred made a suggestion that I do something.

September 2014

Get rid of Nominalizations!

• When appellant was around Veronica, he compelled her to use drugs with him.-Veronica felt compulsion when she was around appellant to use drugs with him.

·Look out for endings with: tion, sion, ment, ence, ance, ency, ancy, ity.

•Many of these are buried verbs that are turned into nouns.

September 2014

Use Short Sentences & Omit Needless Words

•Words, phrases, and things to get rid of . . .-“There is,” “there are” [If it is important to assert something exists then there is or there are may prove necessary, but often these are just weak introductory phrases: -There are three reasons why that case should be overruled-That case should be overruled for three reasons -The Court should overrule that case for three reasons

September 2014

Use Short Sentences & Omit Needless Words

•Words, phrases, and things to get rid of . . .-“With respect to”; -‘The fact that”; [just say it]-“Clearly”; [if it’s clear—you don’t have to say it]-“Literally”; [really? Literally?]-“In order to”; [just use “to”]-“Prior to”; [just use “before”]-“Pursuant to”-“Despite the fact that”- “Ion” noun phrases [“make a suggestion”, just suggest]—suggest];

September 2014

Use Short Sentences & Omit Needless Words

•Words, phrases, and things to get rid of . . .-Of” phrases [the opinion of the Court—the Court’s opinion]; -Double negatives; -Several words for one; -Throat Clearing [In my considered opinion . . . May I respectfully suggest. . . I should note here that it would be helpful to remember the fact that . .

September 2014

Use Short Sentences & Omit Needless Words

•Words, phrases, and things to get rid of . . .-It should not be forgotten that. . . It is also of importance to bear in mind the following considerations . . .]-Jargon and legalese; French; Latin; -Redundancy (first and foremost)-aforementioned; herein; hereinabove; hereinafter; -irregardless [not a real word]; -pursuant to; -said (for the) such (for the, that, etc.); to wit;

September 2014

Effective Writing Tips for Army Lawyers, Army Officers & Everyone Else

Questions?

September 2014