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The 11 Principles of Transformation Online Program
Life Transitions Coaching
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W e d n e s d a y , 8 J a n u a r y 2 0 1 4
Posted by Ligia M. Houben at 23:12
Labels: Coping with grief and loss, coping with the loss of a loved one, Death of a loved one, grieving the
loss of a loved one, Life transitions coaching
When Our Loved One Grieves...
Grief is a personal experience. Because we are unique human beings, our grief is unique.Although we think we know what another person feels, we do not. Grief is very subjective,and we can only understand or empathize……but we cannot really know what the other personis feeling. What happens when the bereaved is your loved one? When they are grieving theloss of a loved one? What can you say? What can you do to make them feel better?
When we deal with our own grief, we may know what helps us or what to do to process it. Inthe case of another person…we may tell them what has helped us and what may help them…but we cannot do it for them. They have to go through their own process…and during thattime is when your own grief becomes paramount. It becomes bigger than anything elsebecause you feel impotent as you are not able to take the pain away from your loved one; itbecomes heavy because you add the extra pain to yours; it becomes impatient because youwant to have the power to remove it from the heart of your loved one; and, it becomeshumbling when you realize you do not have the power to make it disappear.
You can only be present with love, compassion, empathy, patience, and hope.
In reality, it is very difficult to put it in words the pain one feels when the person we love issuffering…it breaks my heart and I feel the pain down to my bones…it envelopes me in thisdesire to remove any trace of his pain….any tear…any longing…but I know I cannot…and Iremain still…as a witness of his grief…allowing this huge pain to come out, and beexpressed, shared, and turned over onto me ‐ then I can receive it in my hands and in myheart.
As I said before…grief is very personal and unique…and it needs to be expressed because, ifnot, it may destroy our soul. The fact that I have specialized in grief and loss does not implyI do not experience it. I do… with all my heart. I am not afraid of going to that dark place…because it is there where I can see the light again. It is in my greatest grief where I candiscover the greatest joy:
I am not afraid to love….therefore I am not afraid to grieve.As you transform your loss, you transform your life!Ligia M. Houben, MA, CGC, CPCCertified Grief Counselor‐Life Transitions Coach
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Ligia M. Houben
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Ligia M. Houben is aninspirational speaker andeducator in the area of life
transitions. Ligia has a passion for life andbelieves all of us are able to fulfill ourpurpose if we can only change our attitudeand beliefs. Her work has been centered inthe area of grief and loss, expanding intomeaning and growth.
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