Learning Intention:

Students can write sentences for a narrative engage the reader by

showing the main character’s qualities by describing actions

instead of stating detail.

• Success criteria:– I can highlight examples in a story of the author

using the show don’t tell strategy. – When reading, I can imagine a characters

appearance and feelings by relating to their actions.

– I can write sentences about my main character describing actions that help paint a picture for the reader.

– My writing allows the reader to draw many conclusions about a character, that are not necessarily stated.

• To create an interesting story, the writer needs to show not tell the reader about people, places, and things they are writing about.

• Showing creates mental pictures in the reader’s mind.

• When readers get a clear picture, they are more engaged in the writer’s story.

• Telling Sentence:It was an unusual cat.

• Showing Sentence:

With yellow eyes glowing red, long, black fur that stood on end, a mouth full of sharp pointed teeth that emitted a yowl like a tiger, I knew that the small animal before me was no ordinary cat.

• Telling Sentence: The pizza was delicious.

• Showing Sentences – A showing PARAGRAPH

Mushrooms and pepperoni sausage formed thick layers on top of one another while the white mozzarella cheese bubbled over the bright red tomato sauce. Each time I took a bite I planned it so that I got a taste of every luscious ingredient. My taste buds celebrated every single time! Oooh, so good.

• Telling Sentence:

He is angry.

A showing PARAGRAPH:

Sitting at his desk, his jaw tightened. His eyes flashed heat waves at me. The words erupted from his mouth, "I want to talk to you after class." The final hiss in his voice warned me about his feelings.

Bob felt scared.

This is not at all evocative — Bob may feel fear, but the reader isn’t likely to.

Consider this alternative:

Bob’s face went white. His breathing came in ragged gasps.

Daniel walked down the street.

It gives us the basics, but it’s bland. Try:

Daniel strutted down the street.

This shows us a much clearer picture of Daniel and gives us a sense of his mood. He’s casual, in no hurry, maybe even a bit disinterested. All of that is contained in the more specific verb “strutted.”

Beware of sentences that seem to tell the reader how to feel, particularly when writing in the third person.

Then, in a totally unexpected move, the black wings spread wide and it circled into the air...

The obvious problem here is that, by telling readers the move was “totally unexpected,” causes us to expect it. The author seems almost to be instructing us to be surprised, but the language in this case lacks the immediacy needed to genuinely shock us.

The man was well-dressed.

The reader may not have a good sense of what that means — the author’s notion of “well-dressed” may be rather different from the reader’s. If instead the line reads:

The man wore an ash-gray Armani coat over a linen shirt, a red silk cravat Windsor-knotted at his throat.

Similarly, a sentence that says:

The house looked old.

Leaves readers wondering what “old” looks like as far as the narrator is concerned.

The house slouched in a yard choked with weeds, its paint faded and flaking, the lace curtains in its windows yellowed with age.

I look around the waiting room. A child, filthy and sweaty, lies lifeless in its mothers arms. The mother rocks slowly while anxiously counting the numbers who had arrived before her. I give my name, take my number from the receptionist and find a seat next to a magazine rack full of outdated and damaged magazines. The ‘Days of Our lives’ theme tune moans somewhere in the background. The throbbing in my big toe eases a little as I lift it to rest on the vacant seat opposite me.My imagination stirs as I watch the mother rearrange the sleeping bundle in her arms. She pulls up the singlet strap that has slipped off her shoulder and gently rubs the darkening lump under her eye. My fist clenches and my jaw throbs as I imagine what she has just been through.

Make a list of what you have imagined about this characters.

Write three things about either character that are implied by their actions in this part of the story. I limp back to the reception area. “Excuse me” I whisper to the lady who wears a contraption around her ears and mouth. “I think that lady with the baby is in great distress, could we do something to help her?”. She rolls her eyes, flicks off a switch on her contraption, and looks towards the mother and child. “We are doing what we can, the doctor will see her in a moment, please take a seat”, she gestures towards the waiting area. I walk back towards my seat but stop and turn towards the mother. “Could I sit beside you?” I asked leaning forward indicating the vacant seat. She abruptly pulled the baby close to her chest, looks fiercely into my eyes and turns away, ignoring my request. I sit anyway, hoping she will realise that not all men are the same.

The girl walks towards me. I don’t like her, she is a bully. She has friends with her and I know she is going to say something to me to impress her friends and make me feel awful. I’m carrying my school bag. My mother has just driven away after dropping off at school. My favourite teacher is comes around the corner and we walk towards the safety of the school gate. These sentences have a lot of telling. Re-write some or all using the show don’t tell strategy so the reader can develop more empathy for the character.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

How was I feeling

when I came into the

room?

How did you know?

• To develop your story, begin by thinking about the main character. You want to SHOW the reader what that character is like.

• Writers reveal their characters through six means:

What they say...What they think...What they do.... Description...What the other characters say about them.. How other characters react to them...

Mr Cool marched into the classroom with a stormy look on his face. He waved his arms and shouted, “I can’t believe it! How did this happen!” The students glared slowly at each other whispering“Someone has stolen his motorbike keys from his pocket.” The students were quick to deny that they had anything to do with the crime. The nervous silence filled the room as Mr Cool’s squinted eyes began to peer around the room. The slow piercing eye contact made each students knees tremble in fear.

• When planning, ask “What if ?” to imagine a character and the plot.

• Remember to write about what you know.

• Your experience, your feelings, your situations are the best source of ideas for showing a main characters qualities.

• Don’t over do it! Not every sentence has to be show don’t tell.

1. She was so sad when she lost her puppy.

2. The garden was beautiful.

3. It was a stormy night.

4. The cake was delicious.

5. It was an exciting day.

• Success criteria:– I can highlight examples in a story of the author using the show

don’t tell strategy. Not yet/I think so /certainly

– When reading, I can imagine a characters appearance and feelings by relating to their actions. Not yet /I think so /certainly

– I can write sentences about my main character describing actions that help paint a picture for the reader. Not yet /I think so /certainly

– My writing allows the reader to draw many conclusions about a character, that are not necessarily stated. Not yet /I think so /certainly

• Student name ___________________________