Sexual Pleasures and Challenges

Malaysia Pettway Women's Health Chapters 7/8

Talking about sex can be challenging

Many feel uncomfortable when it comes to the sexual pleasures between them and a loved one

If you find slang degrading, be creative and come up with your own affirming language. Sometimes the vagueness of expressions can lead to miscommunication if both partners are not clear on the meaning. Finding a common language that youre both comfortable with can help.

Word of advice

An important note I realized from this chapter is that You may want to find a time to talk with your partner when you are not having sex and at that point there is no pressure to respond right away. Try practicing saying what feels good while exchanging massages. Talking about safer sex, birth control, and sexual techniques or preferences doesnt have to kill the mood. Incorporating these discussions into sexual play can be hotand can lead to heightened intimacy.

Communication

Communication is a continuous process. This will create a more open environment between you and your partner.

Be aware of the relationship between words and body language. You could be saying yes but your body is not responding to your verbal words. Say yes and let your body respond in that same manner.

Examples Below

Qoute from excerptEven in the best relationships, asking for what we want may be difficult, and we may feel inhibited about asserting our sexuality openly and proudly. Weve been conditioned to think that sex is supposed to come naturally, and talking about it must mean somethings wrong. We may hold back from communicating about sex for any number of reasons

Feeling embarrassed by the words themselves.

Feeling embarrassed by desires, thinking they might be taboo or a partner will be judgmental.

After having sex with the same person for years, it feels risky to bring up new insights or desires.

Communication isnt going well in other areas of the relationship.

A partner seems defensive and might interpret suggestions as a criticism or a demand

Inexperience or confusion over what you want at a particular time.

Disagreements

If you do ask for what you want, you may be relieved and gratified to get your desires met.

I disagree with the quote above because yes you may be able to feel relieved from consulting with your partner but sometimes that escalates into an argument. Your partner may disagree with you and you will have to negotiate just to get your point across to someone who should understand you.

Stand out

Negotiating how and when it is okay for me to relinquish control over my physical movements for example, when its sexy to have my girlfriend restrain me and when it makes me feel slightly panickyhas been a complicated process. I feel bad that I cant give my girlfriend clearer cues about what feels good when, particularly since she tends to retreat pretty quickly when I say, That didnt feel good this time, to, Well, then Ill stop doing it altogether. That either-or response comes from (I think) not wanting to do something that I dont like, and not wanting rejection, but there are times when I want a little pain, want a little domination, and I feel bad that I cant give her a clearer sense of when and in what circumstances certain activities feel good and when they dont.

This quote stands out because it shows a situation with a problem for one partner but the other does not want to negotiate it because they feel like everything they do is wrong. Key point is learning to talk more comfortably about sex is sometimes easier when youre doing something enjoyable with your partner or with friends

Overall

We all face certain issues in sexual situations, whether its with a date, a longtime lover, or a spouse. If your problem persists then seek for help. If the problem feels bigger than what you can manage, consider joining or creating a support group. Sexual pleasures can be challenging for many relationships and that Is perfectly fine. Just try to figure out solutions to these problems so both partners are happy.

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