In the first paragraph I added synonymous making it longer but also making well-structured.
I added more connectives and more words such as short film I added /documentary to show people who would be reading this for the first time they would know what were talking about.
In the last draft I added more conventions even if I didnt explain them I showed we learnt quite a few other conventions and making it a bit longer.
Here I added more adjectives to describe more and give out the purpose of this review of the documentary and what was the purpose.
In the first draft there werent much detail and in this last one I added extra information and more detail by adding more sentences into it.
This paragraph I didnt do much changing but only re-worded as it didnt make sense.
I added more connectives and adjectives telling more of a descriptive way about the sound being muffled.
As you can see in my three other drafts on the blog you can clearly see the changes and all the rest I done was mostly what I done was re-read it again proof read and see if it made sense reading out loud so I change few words and sentences through the Review making more sense and adding more connectives and adjectives.