CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS

Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

Authors: Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler

By: Jennifer Soriano

What’s a Crucial Conversation ?

and Who Cares?

Focus on the day-to-day conversations that affect your

life- You think your highly-researched paper presentation is

good and was actually approved by your direct boss but the higher ups think it’s a total dump (opinions vary

- Idea of doing something different to save the company/organization (stakes are high)

- Heated discussion with your spouse (emotions run strong)

High Stakes

Crucial conversationsOppos

ing Opinion

s

Strong Emotions

How do we really handle crucial conversations?

- We can avoid them- We can face them and handle them poorly- We can face them and handle them well

When it matters most, we do our worst

WHY?-We’re designed wrong-We’re under pressure-We act in self-defeating ways

Some Common Crucial Conversations

-Ending a relationship-Talking to a coworker who behaves

offensively or makes suggestive comments

- Asking a friend to repay a loan- Giving the boss feedback about her

behavior- Approaching a boss who is breaking his

own safety or quality policies

Cont. Some Common Crucial Conversations

-Critiquing a colleague’s work-Resolving custody or visitation issues with

an ex-spouse-Dealing with a rebellious teen-Talking to a colleague who is hoarding

information or resources-Giving an unfavorable performance

review- Asking in-laws to quit interfering

The Law of Crucial Conversations

Twenty years of research involving more than 100, 000 people reveals that the key skill of effective leaders, team mates, parents, and loved ones is the capacity to skillfully address emotionally and politically risky issues.”

Mastering Crucial Conversations

The Power of Dialogue

di-a-logue (n)- The free flow of meaning between two or more people.

Filling the Pool of Shared Meaning

-We have our own opinions, feelings, theories, and

experiences about a topic at hand -People who are skilled at dialogue do their best to make it safe for everyone to add meaning to the shared pool - even ideas that at first glance appear controversial,

wrong, or at odds with their own belief

“The pool of shared meaning is the birthplace of synergy”

Not only does a shared pool make individuals make better choices, but since the meaning is shared, people willingly act on whatever decision they make –with both unity and conviction

Dialogue Skills are learnable….But how?

Start with Heart. Stay Focused in what you really

want

Here’s how people who are skilled at dialogue stay focused on their goals-particularly when the going gets tough.

1. Work on Me First, Us Second-Remember that the only person you can directly control is yourself

2. Focus on What you Really Want-When you find yourself moving toward silence or violence, stop and pay attention to your motives

- What does my behavior tell me about what my motives are?

- Then, clarify what you really want. Ask yourself: “What do I want for myself? For others? For the relationship?”

and finally ask:” How would I behave if this were what I really wanted”