Why You Need a Divorce Lawyer (1)

8/3/2019 Why You Need a Divorce Lawyer (1)

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Why You Need A Divorce Lawyer

I recently overheard someone in a bookstore telling a group of people why they should not have their

own attorneys, how they could not trust lawyers, how lawyers would cheat them and how they should

rely upon the company the speaker belonged to instead. That conversation got me thinking about

why people facing separation and divorce need not just any lawyer, but a good divorce lawyer.

Reason #1-What You need to know

You need to know your rights, duties and responsibilities under the law. Only a lawyer who has been

retained to represent your interests can advise you. How can you realistically discuss financial

arrangements in separating and divorcing, if you don't know what your rights, duties and

responsibilities are? Not knowing what your rights are can result in not getting your fair share of

assets, your fair share of support or your fair share of time with your children. Not knowing what your

duties and responsibilities are can result in your paying more than your fair share of assets or your

fair share of support. Most attorneys offer a special reduced rate for consulting services to encourage

people to get advice early and often. There is no reason to rely on backyard fence advice, when youcan get real advice from a qualified experienced divorce lawyer for a reasonable fee. Furthermore, in

my experience, the backyard fence advice is usually wrong. Remember that if what you hear is half

true, it is still wrong.

Reason #2-Backyard Advice

My friend is divorced. Why can't I rely on my friend's experience and knowledge. Well, you could do

that but what you need to realize is that unless your friend is a licensed attorney, he/she is not

authorized to practice law. Your friend's knowledge will be limited to his/her particular experience.

His/her experience with the law is limited to the facts of his/her case and the law as it was at the time.

Things change. The law changes. Any change in the facts will change the outcome or advice.

Furthermore, changes in the law will change the advice. Your friend simply lacks the knowledge and

experience to give sound practical legal advice.

Reason #3-Identifying Issues

The sooner you get a lawyer, the sooner you will learn what you need to know to protect yourself (and

your children and property interests). Sometimes people have no idea how to go about identifying the

issues they need to discuss, even if the separation is an amicable one and the parties anticipate a

"friendly divorce." A good, experienced divorce lawyer can assist you in identifying the issues you

need to discuss with your spouse to achieve a comprehensive agreement and global settlement.Over the years there have been numerous times when we were able to point out to clients areas they

had initially overlooked and issues which should be included in their settlement discussions, such as

life insurance, health insurance, and children's educational needs.

Reason #4-To Share or Not to Share?

My spouse already has an attorney. Do I really need to get one too? Can't the same lawyer represent

us both? The answer is no, not really. 30 years ago when I first began practicing law, it was strictly

forbidden for a lawyer to represent both sides to a divorce, no matter how "friendly" it was. There are


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some limited circumstances in which dual representation might be allowed, provided there is full

disclosure of potential conflicts of interest and a waiver of conflicts with informed consent by both

parties. These situations are limited and in the event that unhappy differences or disputes should

arise, the attorney must end the representation and both parties must seek new counsel. Frankly, we

rarely if ever agree to dual representation. We represent our clients zealously within the bounds of the

law and the conflicts in representing opposing sides are too apparent for us to agree to do so. Not

only that, but if your spouse has a lawyer, that means that he/she has already sought legal advice

and has some rudimentary knowledge of his/her rights, duties and responsibilities under the law.

Someone once said knowledge is power. Would you rather be the one with the knowledge (and the

power) or the one without knowledge? How trusting can you be of your spouse or his/her attorney in

the circumstances? Remember that your spouse's attorney already represents your spouse. In our

experience, spouses, especially those who tend to be controlling will think nothing of misrepresenting

the law to gain advantage in the negotiation. Recently a client told me that her husband who remains

in the marital home told her that she was now his "landlord" and therefore she could not re-enter the

home without his consent and presence and that his lawyer said so. Needless to say, everything hetold her was wrong. Her husband also told our client that they did not need to use lawyers and could

reach an agreement on their own without lawyers. He also said that if she insisted on having her

attorney review paperwork before she signed it that he would find something to disagree with on each

draft to drive up her costs. Clearly he was trying to manipulate, intimidate and control his wife, who

was wise to seek her own independent counsel from a knowledgeable, experienced divorce attorney.

Reason #5-Do You Feel Lucky?

Going to a court hearing in a pending divorce without a lawyer is like playing Russian Roulette. How

lucky do you think you are? Would you perform surgery on yourself or would you seek out a qualified

surgeon? Why do you think that you know enough to represent yourself in court? Do you know what

your rights, duties and responsibilities are? The judge won't help you out if you don't know what you

are doing. There are rules of evidence and rules of procedure that govern hearings. You need

someone on your team that knows the rules of the game. You will need someone to prepare you for

your testimony in court so that you don't put your feet in your mouth up to your hip bone. You will be

bound by the things that come out of your mouth in court. Recently we spoke to a man who incurred

spousal and child support obligations of $4000 per month. The court issued an order based on

erroneous exhibits filed by his wife's attorney and based upon things he said in open court as to his

income which were not accurate. A skilled trial attorney can get you to say things that you don't meanto say, especially if you have not been prepared for your testimony.

Reason #6-Too Little, Too Late

Going to see a lawyer after you have already signed papers or participated in depositions or hearings

pro se (representing yourself) is like closing the barn door, after the cow got out. Just because you

were not represented does not mean that you can get out of a bad decision or bad deal you may

have made or get out of rulings the court made when you were unrepresented. The time to get advice

is before you sign. The time to get advice is before you go to court. In fact, you should get advice as


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soon as you receive legal notice of a pending lawsuit against you.

If you are reading this and you have already signed papers, you should still consult with a good

experienced divorce attorney to have the papers explained to you and to review t he papers to see if

there are any loopholes that may be used to renegotiate terms move favorably to you or to insist upon

"clarification" of the agreement. The attorney can also explain the consequences of having signed the

paperwork.

If you are reading this and you are in the midst of a divorce action and have been to depositions on

your own, you should seek an immediate consultation with a good experienced divorce attorney to

see if there is any legal basis to suppress the depositions. Be sure to take all of your documents with

you to the consultation. We have seen situations where it was possible to reopen a case for a client

because the depositions were taken too early. In such situations, the depositions were quashed by

filing the appropriate papers under the rules of court. In your case it may be too late to do anything,

but you should at least talk to a divorce attorney right away to be sure.

Reason #7-Isn't a Lawyer a Lawyer? (A Rose by Any Other Name...)

I know a lawyer who did the closing on our house. Can't I go to him/her for advice about separationand divorce? Yes, you could but there is a saying that if the blind lead the blind, they both fall in a

ditch. Would you go to a podiatrist (foot doctor) if you had an eye infection? You could; after all, the

podiatrist went to medical school and learned about the body, including the eyes. The questions are

how much, if anything does he/she remember, is he/she current on the medical literature pertaining to

the eye and infection, including the diagnosis and treatment of the eye? I have seen horrendous

separation agreements prepared by lawyers who do not devote at least a significant portion of their

practice to family law but were trying to accommodate a friend or relation in their time of need.

Actually a lawyer should decline a case, if he/she does not believe that he/she has the knowledge

and experience to handle it or that he/she is not willing to acquire the knowledge necessary to handle

it.

It takes a significant amount of time to keep up with all of the changes in the law that affect separation

and divorce. Think about it. Every week somewhere there is a court, either federal or state making a

decision that could affect your situation. Every week that the legislature is in session, whether

Congress or the General Assembly, they make decisions that could affect your situation. An

experienced divorce attorney should make it a point to review new cases and statutes looking for

those that affect family law practice; all of the best family lawyers do.

Reason #8-Prepaid Legal?If you have paid for this service, then certainly you can talk to one of the participating attorneys. But

unless the attorney is an experienced divorce lawyer with a significant portion of his/her practice

devoted to separation and divorce and related issues, you should give serious consideration to

looking outside of your prepaid plan. Has the lawyer written any books or articles on separation,

divorce or related issues that are published? I am not a participating attorney in a pre paid legal plan.

The best divorce lawyers are not participants in "prepaid" legal. To my knowledge there are no

fellows (members) of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers who participate in pre paid legal


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services plans. If you are reading this report and have personal knowledge of an attorney who

belongs to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and also belongs to a pre paid legal plan,

please email us at [email protected] to report the name of the attorney so that we can verify the

information and update this report.

Think about what is at stake; the custody and support of your children, and the division of assets you

may have worked your entire married life to accumulate, including your home, pension, savings,

military retirement and/or 401K. Do you really want to cut corners when it comes to your kids? Your

home? Your pension? Your retirement?

Reason #9-A Ship Needs a Navigator

If you think of your legal case as a ship, the client is the captain of the ship and the client's attorney is

the navigator. The navigator doesn't decide where to go, but he/she does map out the best course to

arrive at the destination. Divorce is difficult, even "friendly" divorce is not easy. It can be an emotional

rollercoaster. You need emotional, psychological and legal support. In choosing to separate and

divorce, you will be faced with important decisions that will affect you, your spouse and your children

not only now but in the foreseeable future. Passions can run hot during this difficult time and youneed a clear head. You need a team of individuals including someone knowledgeable in separation

and divorce law to help you see clearly and navigate the difficult and sometimes angry waters of

separation and divorce.

Not having a good divorce lawyer at the planning and separation stage leaves you without the sound

advice and rational third party perspective you need to make decisions which can bind you for life.

Not having a good divorce lawyer at the divorce stage leaves you without the knowledge, experience

and advocacy of a good experienced divorce attorney. It leaves you at the mercy of your spouse and

your spouse's attorney. Neither your spouse nor his/her attorney is there to show you mercy. You

need someone to fight for you when you cannot fight for yourself. You need someone to help you

understand what is gong on and how to act in the storm.

You need someone who can help you to be pro-active and not simply re-active to steps that your

spouse takes. You want a team to support you, a team which can and should include your pastor,

rabbi or spiritual advisor, your CPA or tax advisor, extended family, friends and a good experienced

divorce attorney.

Reason #10-You Need an Advocate

You are going through a traumatic experience. Divorce is one of the most difficult experiences in life,

second only to the death of a spouse. You need someone who understands what is at stake and willadvocate for your interests with not only knowledge and experience but passion and feeling. When

you interview attorneys, find out why they practice family law and what motivates them in advocating

for clients. What is it that makes them passionate advocates? I recently spoke with another trial

attorney who does not generally handle divorce work. He usually handles criminal and traffic defense

and civil suits for money damages; he told me that he was forced by the poor economy to take a

contested divorce case. Divorce and family law are not his first choice of trial work. He is doing it now

solely for the money. Is that the motivation you would want in your attorney? Or would you rather


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have a lawyer who has made a conscious decsion to focus on family law and uses his/her life

experience such as knowing what it is like to be a child of divorce to relate to the circumstances of

your case and to advocate for you with passion and conviction?

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Why You Need a Divorce Lawyer (1)