The authorI'm a sixteen year-old girl, here I express my

feelings, my thoughts and everything I think every

teenager, or an adult, should know about self-

esteem.

My viewpoint and the one so many teenager have

but everyone's too busy to see it. The lack of self-

esteem that has triggered suicide, depression or

illness. That one that hardly anyone wants to see.

Might seem something weird watching or reading

a teenager talking about this but I think I'm the best

person to speak on this subject because I am myself who wants to know where the

hell is self-esteem.

A serie of events has made me lose completely this quality and I really want to know

how to retrieve it. Looks like a bit ironic that someone who has no self-esteem and

even has an idea about it dares to talk about it, isn't it? But we teenagers are the

ones who lack self-esteem normally. I do not think it's good the failure to love

yourself and all of us should but ... Is it as easy as it sounds?

The vast majority of society or even some teens might laugh at what I wrote or what I

think but at least I know I am free to express my thoughts and not keep quiet like a

coward.

Today I can say I'm still trying to accept me, love me and respect me especially. But

not everything is so physically I still think it'll take a long time to get it.

Traumatic events, fears, insecurities stop me ... Or am I the one doing it? Currently

do not know if it's an excuse or just am not able to.

I am here to be read and listened.

So here's the big question... Where is it?Why people sometimes don’t consider this as something important?

Why is sometimes is more important to be smart than to feel good with

yourself?

What’s self-esteem?

Self-esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect person's overall emotional

evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an

attitude toward the self. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs (for example, "I am

competent," "I am worthy") and emotions such as triumph, despair, pride and

shame.

Smith and Mackie define it by saying "The self-concept is what we think about

the self; self-esteem, is the positive or negative evaluations of the self, as in how

we feel about it. Self-esteem is also known as the evaluative dimension of the

self that includes feelings of worthiness, prides and discouragement. One's self-

esteem is also closely associated with self-consciousness.

As a social psychological construct, self-esteem is attractive because

researchers have conceptualized it as an influential predictor of relevant

outcomes, such as academic achievement or exercise behavior. In addition,

self-esteem has also been treated as an important outcome due to its close

relation with psychological well-being. Self-esteem can apply specifically to a

particular dimension (for example, "I believe I am a good writer and I feel

happy about that") or a global extent (for example, "I believe I am a bad

person, and feel bad about myself in general"). Psychologists usually regard

self-esteem as an enduring personality characteristic ("trait" self-esteem),

through normal, short-term variations ("state" self-esteem) also exist.

Synonyms or near-synonyms of self-esteem include: self-worth, self-regard,self-

respect and self-integrity.

We constantly are being bombed with this topic nowadays but no one really

cares for it, why not? What about those girls or guys who look in the mirror

and don’t like what they see? What about them? What about us? What about

you? What about me? I just wonder…

When a girl don’t feel so good with herselves they just call her ‘‘a very striking

girl’’ but no one really has the right.

Have anyone asked why they don’t trust themselves, like themselves or LOVE

themselves? I just wonder…

Sometimes this lack of self-esteem causes

illness, sadness, cuts and sometimes depression

even but some people just seem to laugh at

these kind of problems. They just make fun of it,

but guys you must know it’s not funny.

It’s easy to give an advice but is not that easy to

put into practice. Professionals try to give

techniques to accept ourselves, they seem quite

easy but when it comes to do them it can be one of the hardest thing you could

ever do in your life. When your reflection is that one thing you hate, how could

you tell yourself you love your face, your legs, your nose, your hands, your feet

or just your hair. Let me tell you this, you can’t. We can’t. They can’t. And I

can’t.

People always say ‘‘You have to love yourself first to love others’’ but… What

about that people who care more about their friends, their family or just the

people around them? What about them? That people has the lack but they still

love the people around.

By this time, every single person reading this must be saying ‘‘You only make

questions but you never give answers’’ and yes, that’s true, but how can I give

an answer if I have this lack and I’m also trying to find it out too? It’s not bad

to accept it, the only really thing I consider bad is breaking down and giving up

since the very first moment.

Seems funny when some celebrities

who have stunning bodies and

gorgeous faces can be insecure but not

everything is about the body though.

It’s hard to understand it though but

why? Someone could be beautiful but

be insecure. How is this possible? Let

me tell you how, someone pretty who

does something but feels like can’t do

anything good can have this lack of

self-esteem ‘cause we all want to feel

useful and be smart. At least, the

people I know want that. So it’s time to understand that self-esteem is not only

about our bodies or our faces. It’s time to do it.

We can find tons and tons of books, movies, song or poems to try to change

everyone’s mind and learn to accept ourselves but… That’s something we have

to do, that’s something we have to want to do. Understood?

50 Songs that Up Your

Self-Esteemby ANNE-SOPHIE REINHARDT on FEBRUARY 4, 2013

Music, oh how I adore and treasure it.

Music, like nothing else, has the power to transport emotions and memories

through time and space. Knowingly or not, a certain song has the power to

leave an imprint on your mind, never to be erased again.

Once you hear that song, even if a decade has passed, the vault of feelings

opens itself and spills a bunch of memories you thought you’d long forgotten.

There’s the memorie of us kids singing It’s Raining Men on the top of our lungs

on the 9-hour ride to Saint Tropez driving our parents and grandparents crazy.

Or the memory of the warm Mistral breeze going through my hair while I’m

listening to Christine Aguilera’s Somebody’s Somebody and wistfully dreaming

of the Slovakian guy next door.

Or the time my sister and I took a road trip through the US rocking out to The

Black Eyed Peas’ I Gotta Feeling for hours upon hours.

And my favorite: hearing Train’s Drops of Jupiter the moment I set foot on

American soil for the very first time in my life; a magical moment I’ll never

ever forget.

I could go on and on and on and on.

To me, music is invaluable, it’s often visceral, it’s love and joy and sadness and

nostalgia. It’s an elixir of life.

But not only that, it’s also a perfect way of empowering yourself, giving you

that extra boost of self-esteem when you’re insecure, nervous, feeling down or

beaten by life.

There are a few songs that will never fail to pick you up when life is hard and

here are my 50 favorite ones. Not all of them have incredible lyrics (even

though that’s something I’m especially cautious of), but sometimes we just need

songs with an upbeat tempo, no matter the message, right?

To make this list a bit more diverse, I’ve accumulated a wide range of songs:

some make you dance, some make you think, some make you cry and some

make you cheer.

Enjoy and be sure to tell me YOURS.

1. Demo by Herbert Groenemeyer

2. What’s Up by 4 Non Blondes

3. Empire State of Mind by Alicia Keys and Jay-Z

4. Crazy by Gnarls Barkley

5. Euphoria by Loreen

6. Balada Boa by Gusttavo Lima

7. Starships by Nicki Minaj

8. Shots by LMFAO

9. Dime Si Te Vas Con El

10. Lennon and Maisy- Headlock by Imogen Heap

11. Family Portrait by Pink (could

12. Till the World Ends by Britney Spears

13. Fighter by Christina Aguilera

14. Nobody Knows by Pink

15. Beautiful by Christina Aguilera

16. The Voice Within by Christina Aguilera

17. I’m OK by Christina Aguilera

18. Soar by Christina Aguilera

19. Fix You by Coldplay

20. Angel by Robbie Williams

21. Mama by Spice Girls

22. I See You by Mika

23. Don’t Speak by No Doubt

24. Survivor by Destiny’s Child

25. Vielleicht by Söhne Mannheims

26. I’m Not Dead by Pink

27. Forever by Chris Brown

28. Don’t Stop Believin’ by the Glee Cast

29. Where is the Love by The Black Eyed Peas

30. The Way I Am by Ingrid Michaelson

31. Waka Waka (This Time for Africa) by Shakira

32. Dieser Weg by Xavier Naidoo

33. Umbrella by Rihanna

34. Drops of Jupiter by Train

35. Hips Don’t Lie by Shakira

36. Never Ever by All Saints

37. Love on Top by Beyonce

38. Das hat die Welt noch nicht gesehen by Söhne Mannheims

39. Ironic by Alanis Morissette

40. Round the Bend by Adrina Thorpe

41. Girl by Destiny’s Child

42. Keep Holding On by Avril Lavigne.

43. Smile by Michael Jackson

44. What Goes Around…Comes Around by Justin Timberlake

45. Somewhere over the Rainbow by Israel “IZ” Kamakawiwo’ole

46. There’s No Place Like Home by Michael Giacchino

47. Seasons of Love by the Rent Cast

48. Maestro by Hans Zimmer

49. Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

50. The Climb by Miley Cyrus

So... What's self-esteem

really?Self-esteem is the basis for making decisions and gauge the likelihood of

success in achieving a goal. The larger, more hopeful and positive thinking can

see the future.

It is the capital that we will invest in it. If low self-esteem interferes with your

ability to socialize, to work, you may need help to see the problem and relearn

to valorate yourself.

To have self-esteem is not about being wonderful, fantastic, but in having a

positive outlook about yourself, about your existential balance, with your debit

and credit. Forgiveness is a great act of love; we must endeavor to pass the

negative pages of grievances, received or inflicted on others or oneself. That's

why I always say that happiness consists in having a good health and a bad

memory.

Today's society does not make people feel happy about themselves. If you're not

rich, famous and you have a wonderful body, you may come to think that your

life is a failure.

However, we need to focus on ourselves and our environment, meet our true

desires, unlinking of impossible goals that society demands.

You have to accept who you are and enjoy it. You have to find what is truly

beautiful in your life as it is now. Accept what you are able to do and what not

in the present.

The benefits of self-acceptance are many, as far as physical and mental health

concerns. People who are accepted unconditionally usually healthy and live a

number of years. His inclination is for enjoy, to continue living and have time

to keep growing.

To live in peace is good to know forgive, to be kind to ourselves and not always

put ourselves in a situation of victims, servants, slaves. And for that you need to

have more value. So I talk about amnestied: stop thinking about what I did or

what I did not because I'm bad, and try to replace it with a more conciliatory

idea at the time I did the best I could. And stop walking looking back, because if

not, we will be prisoners of the past.

We can build self-esteem growing freedom, tenderness, respect, quality reading,

what allows us to know the human soul: art, music ... We need to love more,

give us more good, if I think I'm worth, I deserve things, then I will fight to get

them.

Optimism depends on genes, personality, but also of learning. Think of the

explanations we give to things that affect us (if general, negative) and change

gradually and positive vision of what happens to us and our reading of our

autobiography. Also learn to foster hope. There is real hope that feeds us the

belief that we will achieve the specific goals to work or fight.

The phrase " Think well and live better " should

guide our lives, not the widespread "Think wrong

and be right ." Everyone has inside your code of

what positive thinking right at every moment, and

according to it

should govern your

life. If , when I

wake up I say,

"What joy, what

healthy I am, I am

awesome " , I'll have a pleasant emotional state

that cause welfare in the body, with what I think :

"What good I am" . I have already installed in

the circle of wellness.

We need to regain people 's inner beauty , which is not seen from the outside

and that means in a task that is before caving . As psychiatrists who are drillers

surfaces. Down to the basement, to the depths of the other, and find

consistency , intellectual curiosity , human goodness, order, will, joy , vitality ,

enthusiasm ... That's the inner beauty .

They see in the consultations made many close relationships with demolition

materials , only external beauty that are scandalous transience , which collapse

immediately and leave nothing .

Happiness is associated with having emotions and projects and , above all, not

think that is something dazzling and glorious , but rather to feel good in your

own skin . Are attitudes that help break cowardice, mediocrity ; see the world

for ourselves and not through others and love , starting with ourselves , of

course , because only you can love yourself to love another .

When we are young , we all have some sense of inferiority for two reasons : the

first is that we are all under our own ideal, and the second is that we can feel

the grievance to compare ourselves with others . Therefore, we must do three

things: accept , improve ourselves and make our own potential as a reference

instead of others .

Having self-esteem issues also hurts his amorous possibilities for a double

track . For one, because it has many possibilities for neurotic elections. And

secondly, because, believe not worthy of the love that you profess , suspicious of

the sincerity of the feelings of others .

Self-esteem is the assessment we make of ourselves based on the feelings and

experiences that have been incorporated throughout life. This self-assessment is

very important , since it depends largely on the performance potential of our

staff and our achievements in life. Thus , people who feel good about

themselves , who have good self-esteem, are able to face and solve the

challenges and responsibilities that life poses . By contrast , those with low self-

esteem tend to limit themselves and fail.

The concept of self is developing slowly throughout life, every step brings a

greater or lesser degree , experiences and feelings, which will result in an

overall sense of worth or disability. In childhood we discover that we are

different from other beings and that there are people who accept us and reject

us . From those early experiences of acceptance and rejection of others is when

we begin to generate an idea about what we are worth or not worth .

During adolescence, one of the most critical phases in the development of self-

esteem , the young need to forge a strong identity and get to know their

potential as an individual, also requires social support from others whose

values match your own, and be valuable to move confidently into the future. It

is the time when you move from dependence on people they (the family) loves

independence , to rely on their own resources. If during childhood has

developed a strong self-esteem, it is relatively easy to overcome the crisis and

reach maturity. If you feel little danger of valuable security search for missing

seemingly easy and rewarding ways, but ultimately destructive.

Low self-esteem is related to a distortion of thought (inadequate way of

thinking) . People with low self-esteem have a very distorted view what they

really are . At the same time , these people maintain extraordinarily

perfectionistic demands on what should be or accomplish .

It is important to know ourselves and be aware of how our self-esteem is , since

then we can apply ourselves to strengthen it and make it more secure when it

comes to face our fears ( the aerofobia one of them?) . Consider our strengths

and positive abilities that we have, are they enough ? Do we need to work on

them ?

Why do I have low self

esteem ?There are several factors that can make us have low self esteem. Detecting them

is the first step to affect us as possible. Some of these factors are:

People who want us wrong : it is true that "we must not live" with the opinion

of others , but the truth is that we all like to feel loved and flattered . However,

there are people who are surrounded by real thieves who are constantly making

self- reproaches, devaluations and Destructiv reviews

Trend comparisons : some people do not cease to be compared with other

envying what these and not thinking about what they can do constructively to

resemble them. This makes your self-esteem goes down an important way to

generate significant levels of frustration .

Avoid challenges : it is better to try and fail than not to try. Some people avoid

all kinds of circumstances in which they have " everything to gain " . This

makes your self-confidence is also not always make them believe that really

need someone stronger than them to overcome difficulties develop.

Destructive criticism: being around people who do not help us grow makes us

feel bad and worse self-esteem . It is important to reject and not address the

destructive criticism (those that do not bring us, but we just make them feel bad

) , and yes cater to constructive criticism (those that , little as I like, tell me

what I've done supposedly bad helping to improve ) . Be clear that you can

teach people to treat you a certain way.

Characteristics of a person with low self-esteem

People with low self-esteem tend to

have a range of behaviors in which

the low valuation of themselves

reflected . Although , as in many

fields of psychology can not

generalize here , the fact is that

some behaviors such as the

following are common in people

with low self-esteem :

People with low self-esteem tend to be constantly looking for opinions of others

showing a lack of confidence in making personal decisions.

Need to have someone they consider stronger to face the difficulties of his life ,

which increases the risk of dependency of such persons.

They are afraid to face new challenges (eg new jobs, let a couple that are not

well ... ) , suspicious of the ability to address even though even experience tell

you otherwise .

Those who low self esteem affects your physical body will tend to hide (not go

to the pool , wear loose clothing , etc.) and dress in the most unobtrusive way

possible.

Obviously, all these patterns of inappropriate behavior significantly interfere in

your life affecting your mood, work and social relations , among others.

Self-esteem in the

adolescence.Adolescence is a period of change . You can feel happy for them or you can

also feel very puzzled and unhappy . It's hard to find teenagers without

complexes, insecurities and embarrassments . Most often, you take some time to

adjust to changes in your body and even more than these new features of your

body you like and make you feel satisfied with yourself . You may become a

great source of stress, depression and anxiety.

We have received many letters from you with concerns ranging from weight , to

the height , the size of the breasts , cellulite , having the rule and other anxieties

that have become complex to prevent lead a relaxed and happy life .

This is the period of greatest challenges of your life in which you will have to

think about developing what we call self-esteem. You can not let the complex

reach decrease your sense of personal worth . Ie you must not let anything

bring you down and allow make you lose your security.

What can lower self-esteem?

Low self-esteem can come from excessive criticism from parents. Some parents ,

with good intentions, use compared to other children , or the custom of giving

children labels or forget to reward good deeds and disapprove only remember

the bad . This is a way to educate that ultimately achieves the desired

anticompetitive effects and causes insecurity in children.

It is also common that other kids do the same things , and bring out some

physical defect from his colleagues , or give nicknames , or reject them for

being different . These attitudes are common among children, who sometimes

do not care too much about the feelings of other children.

The problem comes when you get to believe the reviews and think you are worth

less than others . When this happens, you can transform yourself into someone

who is just asking to be approved and valued by others, and this need to avoid

rejection makes you humble yourself and give more than they deserve for you

want.

How to keep your self in shape.

– Recalls often your

small successes .

– Identify your strengths

and think about them .

– Make a list of your

qualities and recite it

aloud to the mirror.

– Write down on paper

your own negative

labels and next to

them write a more compassionate claim.

– Think you're not responsible for others to be happy. If you get angry or

feel bad , it's not your fault.

– Do not accept for the good opinions of others about you. Reflect and

think if they are based on sound facts.

– Accept your weaknesses and errors as behaviors. Behaviors are things

that can be changed . The errors do not affect your personal value. You

are you and your mistakes are actions that you can correct and learn

from them .

– Do not compare yourself with others. You are neither inferior nor

superior. You are yourself and follow your own lane.

– Do not say yes to everything they ask you to not get angry . Try to only

commit to things you want to do .

– Do what you want to do and not what others think you should do.

Have I really learnt

something?The influence of the family in the child 's self-esteem is very important because

this is the one that teaches or transmits the first and most important values to

bring the child to form , following these , their personality and their self-

esteem. Parents often work in different ways , which can be harmful to the child

leaving marks hard and continuous hidden pain that will influence the

development of their life these parents are called martyrs or dictators. But there

are those who will value and recognize their achievements and efforts and

contribute to enhancing the personality.

Another important factor that influences the family, is communication, as they

are closely related. As our parents have informed us , these will be the factors

that influence our personality, our behavior , our way of judge and relate to

others . These experiences remain within our lifetime. So you have to learn to

recognize and cancel its power to not continue to make us suffer , and not

passing them on to our children.

There is a close relationship between society , the family and the individual,

since society is that the person presents a social model with customs and a

culture that through the family are transmitted to the individual. But when the

members thereof, have permanent issues inside by a painful past in childhood

will transmit the same pain and the same confusion his son , causing

communication problems in the social environment.

To help a person with low self-esteem , first of all must be aware of what is

happening , then the can help taking it to a specialist and supporting during

treatment or recovery process. In the case of children , the school also plays an

important role as it is a must have strategy and ways to help your child with

these so distorted feelings that cause so many problems.

Society serves a very important function for the person , because from this

culture , the family takes different patterns or ways of life that are transmitted

to its members and determine or help form the personality of each one , taking

this as a social model .

People who have little confidence in their ability in society , roles tend to look

subdued and avoid situations that require taking responsibility.

In our society the self-esteem of a person is to some extent linked to what he

does for a living . For example : a man can achieve a high social position and

have nevertheless low self esteem. You can be aware of the importance , but still

considered himself a despicable , unworthy of respect and affection of the other

human being. " You may experience chronic feelings of inferiority because he is

not good looking ... " You may feel that is physically weak or a coward , or may

be considered condemned because of their ethnic identity.

The criteria by which the people themselves are evaluated are cultural. Some of

these criteria are: if you're fat, skinny , cute, ugly , white, black , blond , dark-

haired , or if you have the ability to fight , honesty, ability to withstand pain ,

cunning to make money, manners, ability to manipulate other people , etc. ..

Everyone sees herself from her point of view of the groups involved and

everything that one think positively or negatively affect the personality or

mindset.

So it's time to think better if your comments will hurt anyone...