Verbal JudoVerbal Judo

……AND THE GENTLE ART OF PERSUASIONAND THE GENTLE ART OF PERSUASION

Tactical language shapes words and meaning to effectively manage people who are under stress.

Natural language is disastrous.

Language

Verbal Karate vs Verbal Judo

Do not use Do use

Unprofessional language or words

Professional language or words

Words that express personal feelings

Use of words to achieve professional objectives

Self-referred language

{such as “I” or “me”}

In contact w/audience

We or us

Comments not in context Defined comments which are on target and specific

Off-target reactions Deflection and redirection

Deflection & Redirection

• “I understand that, however…”

• “I hear that, however…”

• “I’m sorry you feel that way…”

• “I appreciate what you’re saying…”

• Let me see if I understand what you’re saying… {then, repeat what they just said}

It disempowers the other person

It makes you feel comfortable

Use goal centered language

Reasons to use deflection techniques

…each time you speak during a game you represent:

United States Soccer Federation

Your state program

All referees in the USA

The integrity of the game

Realities

You constantly interact with:

Players

Coaches

Parents

Spectators

Administrators

Interact

You must personally disappear to be effective.

The more you can disappear personally before others, the greater your power and influence over them will be.

Being Effective

Three Kinds of People

NICE

DIFFICULT

SNEAKY

You Must Be Skillful With All Three.

Paraphrasing

First listen…then they will stop - If you use…

“Let me see if I understand you…”

Or…

“Let me see if I’ve got this right…”

Tactical Empathy

Definition: To see (and feel) through the eyes of another.

The moment you stop thinking like the other, you lose your power over them.

Tone

The way you ask establishes your…

Creditability, Credentials, Character

When you meet resistance…remember…

They would rather be asked than be told.

Give them a reason, or tell them why.

Options

4 SECRETS TO PRESENTING OPTIONS

1.Tone: friendly and helpful.

2. Sandwich: Positive-Negative-Positive.

3. Be specific –“paint a picture”.

4. Make them want your option.

Options

…more on options:

Help people to “save face”. (give them something.)

People in all cultures respond better to choices than threats.

7 Things Never to Say to Anyone

Final Word

…major “Street Principle” for police officers…

“Say what you want as long as you do what I

say.”