I am goingto start cleaning

the house.And by cleaning,

I mean drinking wine and spraying

everything withFebreeze.

HouseworkPS-001

true friendsdon’t judgeeach other,they judge

other people...together.

True FriendsPS-005

i amusethe shitout ofmyself

AmusePS-004

I have decidedto have some wine

to celebrate the factthat I have some wine.

CelebratePS-003

I tried to be normal once.

Worst two minutesof my life.

NormalPS-002

Chocolatedoesn’t ask

silly questions.Chocolate

understands.

ChocolatePS-006

sometimes i wrestlewith my demons.

sometimes we just snuggle.

DemonsPS-010

I just read an article

on the dangers

of drinking...

scared the shit out of me.

So that’s it!

After today,

no more reading.

DrinkingPS-009

it only takes asecond to show

someone how youfeel about them.the police call it

indecent exposure,but whatever.....

IndecentPS-008

it’s just a matterof time beforethey add the

word “Syndrome”after my last name.

SyndromePS-007

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O U R P R O D U C T S

I don’t have aproblem with caffeine.

I have a problemwithout caffeine.

CaffeinePS-011

Before you tell me

what I did wrong,

you should first know

that I don’t care.

Did WrongPS-015

you drink too much,you gossip too much,

you have questionable morals...

you’re everythingI ever wanted

in a friend.

FriendPS-014

sometimes I questionmy sanity,

but the unicornand gummy bears

told me I’m fine

UnicornPS-013

I didn’t make itto the gym today.

That makes 3 years in a row.

GymPS-012

deep down,I’m a very

shallow person.

ShallowPS-016

I’m hysterical and brilliant,

but not a size 2...God had to be fair.

Size 2PS-020

I can’t tell ifI’m dealing well

with life these daysor I just don’t give

a shit anymore.

Dealing with LifePS-019

If the Mayans havetaught us anything, it’sthat if you don’t finishsomething, it’s not the

end of the world.

MayansPS-018

I’ll always be therewhen I need you.

Need YouPS-017

Oh, I’m sorry...

did the middle of my

sentence interrupt the

beginning of yours?

InterruptPS-021

I’d do anythingto lose 10 pounds,except eat healthy

and workout.

10 PoundsPS-025

I can only pleaseone person a day.

Today is not your day.

Tomorrow’s not looking good either!

PleasePS-024

i’m so glad we don’t have to

hide our weirdnessfrom each other

WeirdnessPS-023

I don’t fart.I whisper

in my panties.

WhisperPS-022

you know it’s beena good day whenI didn’t have to

unleash the flying monkeys

Flying MonkeysPS-026

none of my yoga pants have ever

been to yoga.

YogaPS-030

carpethe hell

out of thisdiem

If I had a dollar forevery time I got

distracted,I wish I had a puppy.

DistractedPS-029

I’m super lazy today

which is like normal lazy

but I’m also

wearing a cape.

Super LazyPS-028

of course Italk to myself.

sometimes I needexpert advice.

Expert AdvicePS-027

9 times out of 10children get their

awesomeness fromtheir mother

AwesomenessPS-031

I value the opinions that

you keepto yourself

OpinionsPS-035

it’s allshits and giggles

until someonegiggles and shits...

GigglesPS-034

word for the day:exhaustipated-

too tired to give a shit

ExhaustipatedPS-033

There is a timeand a place

for decaf coffee.Never,

and in the trash.

DecafPS-032

I have no ideawhat I’m doing

out of bed.

Out of BedPS-036

ah friday,my second

favoritef-word.

FridayPS-040

how can I trustyou when youkeep running

away everytime I untie you?

TrustPS-039

You and Iare more

than friends.

We’re like areally small gang.

GangPS-038

I wish one of my

personalitiesliked to clean...

PersonalitiesPS-037

a true friendis one who makes

you laughso hard

you pee a little.

PeePS-041

always rememberthat you are unique,

just likeeveryone else.

UniquePS-045

I am presentlyexperiencing life

at a rate of severalWTF’s per hour

WTFPS-044

does this ragsmell like

chloroformto you?

ChloroformPS-043

if it requirespants or a bra,

it’s not happening today.

Not Happening TodayPS-042

today I will livein the moment.

unless the momentbecomes unpleasant,

in which caseI’ll take a nap.

Take a NapPS-046

the housewas cleanyesterday.sorry youmissed it.

CleanPS-050

if I ever go missing,I would like my photo

put on wine bottlesinstead of milk cartons.

that way my friends will know to look for me.

MissingPS-049

the fact thatjellyfish have

survived for 650million years despite

not having brainsis great news

for some people.

JellyfishPS-048

To impress my friends,

I swallowed 2 pieces

of string and an hour later

they came out tied together.

I shit you knot.

KnotPS-047

if a woman is upset,hold her and tell

her how beautiful she is.if she starts to growl,

retreat to a safe distanceand throw

chocolate at her.

Woman UpsetPS-051

i’m pretty suremy true calling

in life is justhanging out

and snacking

SnackingPS-055

the solutionto a bad hair day

is to weara low cut blouse.

Bad Hair DayPS-054

i named my dog‘5 miles’

so i can tellpeople i walk

5 miles everyday

5 MilesPS-053

in dogbeers

i’ve onlyhad one

Dog BeersPS-052

i’m at thatawkward stage

betweenbirth and death

Awkward StagePS-056

when a woman says

“do whatever you want”

do NOT do

whatever you want.

Do NOTPS-060

if you’re happyand you know it,shake your meds

Shake MedsPS-059

carpethe hell

out of thisdiem

I run likethe winded

WindedPS-058

don’t you think if I was wrong,

I’d know it?

WrongPS-057

drug test?what kind of

drugs are we testing???

Drug TestPS-061

crying about yourbroken heart all day

won’t help.set his house on fire

and move onlike an adult.

Broken HeartPS-065

I wanted toreward myself

with a hard-earnedglass of wine

after a long week.

Then I realizedit was only Monday.

Reward with WinePS-064

everything inmoderation.

except Awesome.you can never havetoo much Awesome.

ModerationPS-063

I don’t care ifyou lick windows,

take the special busor occasionally

pee on yourself... hang in there sunshine,you’re friggin’ special.

You’re Friggin SpecialPS-062

every family hasone weird relative.

if you don’t know who it is,

it’s probably you.

Weird RelativePS-066

I have beenputting a lot ofthought into itand I just don’tthink being anadult is gonnawork for me.

AdultPS-070

DEJA POO:the feeling that

you’ve heard this crap before.

Deja PooPS-069

i never make thesame mistake twice.

i make it 5 or 6 times,you know,

just to be sure.

Same MistakePS-068

I danced likeno one was watching

but someone waswatching, thought

I was having aseizure and called

an ambulance.

I DancedPS-067

seven dayswithout

chocolatemakes

one weak.

7 DaysPS-071

after Tuesday,even the

calendar goesWTF

After TuesdayPS-075

today isNational TakeYour Flask to

Work Day. I may be

making this up....

Flask DayPS-074

by nowthe wine shouldknow enough to

come out ofthe store

when I honk.

HonkPS-073

Askhole:a person who

constantly asksfor your advice,but always doesthe opposite of

what you tell them.

AskholePS-072

trust me,when I woke uptoday, I had no

plans to bethis awesome.

but shit happens.

When I Woke UpPS-076

I haveabsolutelyno desireto fit in

Fit InPS-080

people stop asking

questions if you

answer in

interpretive dance.

Interpretive DancePS-079

carpethe hell

out of thisdiem

when Iwas a kid...

no wait,I still do that.

When I Was a KidPS-078

I just did aweek’s worth of

cardio afterwalking into aspider’s web.

Spider WebPS-077

wheneverI feel the need

to exerciseI lie down until

it goes away.

Need to ExercisePS-081

sorry, I can’t today.my sister’s friend’s

brother’s uncle’ssecond cousin’s

twin sister’s boyfriend’shamster died.

it was tragic.

Sorry I Can’tPS-085

let mecheck my

givashitometer.

nope, nothing.

GivashitometerPS-084

I don’t likemonday mornings,or people who likemonday mornings,

or mondays,or mornings,

or people.

Monday MorningsPS-083

sometimes I look in the mirror

and wonder:how did I ever

become thisawesome?

Look in MirrorPS-082

when I told youI was normal,

I may have exaggerated slightly

I Was NormalPS-086

I would like tothink I’ll die aheroic death,

but more likelyI’ll trip over my dog

and choke on aspoonful of frosting.

Heroic DeathPS-090

of courseyou can beanything

you wanna be.that’s how

delusions work.

DelusionsPS-089

my trainof thought derailed.

there wereno survivors.

Train DerailedPS-088

I amwho I am.

your approvalis not needed.

I Am Who I AmPS-087

I try not tolaugh at my own jokes,

but we all knowI’m hilarious.

HilariousPS-091

never go tobed angry...

stay up andplot your revenge.

Plot RevengePS-095

carpethe hell

out of thisdiem

the sevendwarves of

menopause:itchy, bitchy,

sweaty, sleepy,bloated, forgetful

and psycho.

7 DwarvesPS-094

I justawesomed

all overthe place.

AwesomedPS-093

once in a whilesomeone amazing

comes along,

and here I am!

Someone AmazingPS-092

I tried to cook

something from

scratch... and

ended up summoning

a demon.

Cook from ScratchPS-096

carpethe hell

out of thisdiem

rememberwhen I askedyour opinion?

yeah,neither do I.

Asked Your OpinionPS-100

4 out of 3people

strugglewith math

4 of 3PS-099

dammit I’m madis

dammit I’m mad

spelled backwards

DammitPS-098

irony-the oppositeof wrinkly.

IronyPS-097

when they discoverthe center of the

universe, a lotof people will be

disappointed theyare not in it

Center of the UniversePS-101

snaughling:laughing so

hard you snort,then laugh becauseyou snorted, then

snort becauseyou laughed.

SnaughlingPS-105

I don’texpect

everythinghanded to me,

just set it downwherever

I Don’t ExpectPS-104

I have neverfaked

a sarcasmin my life

Faked SarcasmPS-103

I said, “I love you.”

he asked, “is that you

or the wine talking?”

I said, “it’s me...

talking to the wine.”

I Love YouPS-102

it’s a bird!it’s a plane!

wait, it’s just thatflying f kI don’t give.

**

Flying F**kPS-106

carpethe hell

out of thisdiem

I’ll have acafe-mocha

vodka-valiumlatte, to go

please.

I’ll Have a LattePS-110

day 3 of mydonut & coffee

cleanse -so far, so good.

Day 3PS-109

my work has thiscute thing they

do where ifyou’re really

good at your job,you get to do

everyone else’s, too.

My WorkPS-108

sometimeswhen I close

my eyes,I can’t see.

Close My EyesPS-107

my dentist toldme I needed

a crown.I was like

I KNOW, RIGHT?

DentistPS-111

know whatrhymes with

Friday?

Beer

BeerPS-115

I’ve decidednot to have kids.

The kids are taking itpretty hard.

Have KidsPS-114

Turns out I’m not

an afternoon person either.

Afternoon PersonPS-113

I still don’tunderstand why

“what’s wrongwith you?”

isn’t acceptable small talk

What’s Wrong with YouPS-112

I don’t want to bragor make anyone

jealous, but…I can still fit into the

earrings I wore inhigh school.

EarringsPS-116

The officer said,

“you drinking?”

I said, “you buying?”

We laughed and laughed.

I need bail money.

Bail MoneyPS-120

I think myguardian angel

drinks

Guardian AngelPS-119

2 dyslexics runinto a bank and shout:

“air in the handsmother stickers

this is a f uck-up”

Mother StickersPS-118

has anyone seenmy jacket?!

it’s white withsleeves that makeyou hug yourself

and a cute belt

JacketPS-117

if you say “gullible”

slowlyit sounds like

“oranges”

Gullible OrangesPS-121

awesomeends in

“me”coincidence?

I don’t think so

MEPS-125

if it wasn’tfor my

incrediblewillpower,

I’d be exercisingright now

WillpowerPS-124

my boss hates itwhen I shorten

his name to Dick,especially since

his name is Steve.

My BossPS-123

I’m trying to beindependent

but no onewill help me.

IndependentPS-122

sometimeswhen I openmy mouth

my mothercomes out

Open My MouthPS-126

If I make youbreakfast in bed,

a simple“thank you” will do.

Not all this“how did you

get in my house?”business.

Breakfast in BedPS-130

I have PMS, ADD and OCD.

I want to kill you, but I can’t focus on that right now

because I have to go wash my hands.

PMS OCD ADDPS-129

yes,that’s correct.

and the horseyou rode in on.

HorsePS-128

the cashier said,“strip down,facing me.”

how was I to knowshe meant my

debit card?

Strip DownPS-127

my favorite exerciseis a mix between a

lunge and a crunch.

I call it lunch.

LunchPS-131

helmet is on,crayons sharpened

it’s gonna bea great day

Helmet OnPS-135

sorry Islapped you,but it didn’t

seem like you’dever stop talking

and I panicked

Slapped YouPS-134

I never thoughtI’d be the typeto get up earlyand exercise.I was right.

Up EarlyPS-133

you know,some days

even my luckyrocketshipunderpantsdon’t help

Rocketship UnderpantsPS-132

I love how wedon’t have tosay out loud

that I’m yourfavorite child.

Favorite ChildPS-136

I just ordereda chicken

and an eggoff the internet

to see whichcomes first...

I’ll keep you posted.

Chicken and EggPS-140

ever feel likeyou’ve had

too much wine?

yeah, me neither

Too Much WinePS-139

I can’t believeI just said that.

Can’t BelievePS-138

I could snapat any moment.

Seriously,with either hand.

SnapPS-137

you call itboxed wine.

I call itcardboardeaux.

CardboardeauxPS-141

how many of youbelieve in

telekinesis?

raise my hand!

TelekinesisPS-145

the only thingin my house that

isn’t dustyare the

wine glasses

Wine GlassesPS-144

I may not beWonder Woman,

but I can do thingsthat make you

wonder

Wonder WomanPS-143

trying to decideif I should be

a warningor

an exampleto others today

Trying to DecidePS-142

I’m ahappy-go-lucky

ray offriggin’

sunshine

Happy-Go-LuckyPS-146

you could filea complaint

but my supervisordoesn’t givea shit either.

File ComplaintPS-150

I tried cookingwith wine, butafter 3 glasses

I forgot whyI was in the

kitchen.

Cooking with WinePS-149

caloriesare tiny creatures

that livein your closet

and sew your clothesa little tighterevery night.

CaloriesPS-148

is it rudeto throw a

breath mint insomeone’s mouth

while they’retalking?

Breath MintPS-147

I am notarguing,

I’m explainingwhy I am right.

ArguingPS-151

of course youropinion matters,

just not to me

Your OpinionPS-155

there should be a little wine truckthat drives aroundthe neighborhood

in the eveningplaying French musicand we would hear itand run out with ourmoney and wait for it

Wine TruckPS-154

I’m notas thinkas you

stoned I am

Stoned I AmPS-153

not only is my short-term memory

horrible, so is myshort-term memory

Short-term MemoryPS-152

I hate waiting in lines.I wish this lady

would hurry up andpick a suspect.

SuspectPS-156

of courseI want to

help you out.

which way didyou come in?

Help You OutPS-160

I whisper,“what the f k”

to myself at leasttwenty times

a day.

**

20 Times a DayPS-159

my therapistsays I lie too much,

which is bullshit.I don’t even have

a therapist.

TherapistPS-158

finally,my winter fat

is gone.

now I havespring rolls !

Spring RollsPS-157

I used to thinkthat I'm indecisive

but nowI'm not so sure.

IndecisivePS-161

it’s so weirdbeing my own

role model

Role ModelPS-165

my friendsdon’t go crazy.

they are crazy.

they go normalfrom time to time.

Friends Are CrazyPS-164

give me coffeeto change thethings I can

andwine to acceptthings I can’t

Coffee and WinePS-163

beer, whiskey & weedare all madefrom plants...

I think I mightbe a vegetarian!

VegetarianPS-162

I wonderwhat my dog

named me

Dog Named MePS-166

I have an urgeto get up and

clean the house.wait...nope,false alarm.

False AlarmPS-170

when I ask howyou’re doing,

please just say“good”.

don’t start tellingme stuff.

GoodPS-169

I know I’maround heresomewhere...

I just saw mea minute ago.

I’m Around HerePS-168

I wonderwhat my catnamed me

Cat Named MePS-167

I have a bumper stickerthat says

“honk if you thinkI’m sexy”.

I wait at green lightsuntil I feel better

about myself.

Bumper StickerPS-171

remember, as faras anyone knows

we are a nice normal family.

Normal FamilyPS-175

I use my bra asa storage area.

When I take it off at night

keys fall out, lipstick,money, pens, hair ties - freaking treasure chest.

Storage AreaPS-174

we can’t all be the princess.

someone has to siton the curb andclap as I go by.

PrincessPS-173

Thanks Mom,I turned outawesome!

Thanks MomPS-172

dude, I am a princess.

get your own beerand bring me

a cupcake.

DudePS-176

best friendsdon’t care ifyour house

is clean.they care if

you have wine.

Best FriendsPS-180

can we start the weekend over?

I wasn’t ready.

Weekend OverPS-179

I’m not alwaysa bitch.

just kidding.

Just KiddingPS-178

I knew the psychicwas no good the

moment sheaccepted my check.

PsychicPS-177

there are two typesof people in this world.

those who can extrapolate fromincomplete data.

ExtrapolatePS-181

the relationship between

husband and wife

is very psychological.

one is psycho and

the other is logical.

PsychologicalPS-185

I feel less guiltyabout nappingwhen I call it“pursuing my

dreams”.

Pursuing My DreamsPS-184

life is short.buy the shoesdrink the wine

order the dessert

Life Is ShortPS-183

ever notice thatanybody driving slower than you is an idiot, andanyone drivingfaster than you

is a maniac?

Ever NoticePS-182

stupid people arelike glow sticks.

I want to snap themand shake the shit

out of themuntil the light

comes on.

Glow SticksPS-186

oh look... it’s wine-thirty.

Wine-ThirtyPS-190

the early birdcan have the wormbecause worms aregross and mornings

are stupid.

Early BirdPS-189

I hate it whenI think I’m buying

organic vegetables,but when I get

home they’re justregular donuts.

Organic VegetablesPS-188

never ask a womanwho is eating

ice cream straightfrom the cartonhow she’s doing.

Never Ask a WomanPS-187

I got so muchprocrastinating

done today.

ProcrastinatingPS-191

seven billion people

on this planet

and I like maybe

4 or 5 of them, tops.

Billion PeoplePS-195

duct tape + kids =SILENCE

I’m joking,they’re locked in

the shed.

Duct TapePS-194

men havefeelings, too!for example,

we feel hungry.

Men Have FeelingsPS-193

I’m confused.

Do you want to speak

to my manager or to

someone who knows

what’s going on?

I’m ConfusedPS-192

I wanted a kitten

my husband didn’twant a kitten

so we compromisedand I got a kitten

KittenPS-196

I don’t think

inside the box.

I don’t think

outside the box either.

I don’t even know

where the box is.

The BoxPS-200

how do you becomesomeone who putsstickers on fruit?

because I thinkI could definitely

do that job.

Stickers on FruitPS-199

condomsprevent

minivans

MinivansPS-198

I wanted a puppy

my husband didn’twant a puppy

so we compromisedand I got a puppy

PuppyPS-197

you’re the“she”to my

“nanigans”

ShenanigansPS-201

if you screw up,apologize.

if she screws up,apologize.

relationships arenot that hard.

Screw UpPS-205

today I amgoing to giveit my some.

Give It My SomePS-204

just sitting hereon the corner of

awesomeand

bombdiggity

BombdiggityPS-203

we wantedto be adults so bad.

now look at us.just fucking look.

Wanted to Be AdultsPS-202

Beeris not the answer.

Beeris the question.

Yesis the answer.

Yes Is the AnswerPS-206

YOU are a parent.

It is YOUR circus

and those are

YOUR monkeys.

CircusPS-209

whatever...my dog thinksI’m awesome.

WhateverPS-208

diet tip:your pants won’t

get too tightif you don’twear any.

Diet TipPS-207

Vegetarians live up to 9 years longerthan the rest of us.

Nine horrible,worthless,baconless

years

9 YearsPS-210

Valium.Vitamin.

Whatever.Close enough.

I thoughtgrowing up

would take longer.

I’m DelightfulPS-214

as faras I know,

I’m delightful

Passive AggressivePS-213

I’m notpassive aggressive,

unlike somepeople I know.

14 Day DietPS-212

I don’t mean to brag,

but I finished

my 14 day diet in

4 hours & 17 minutes.

Valium VitaminPS-211

You only need

one thing to survive

the apocalypse-

a unicorn,

a badass unicorn

Growing UpPS-215

I never wanted

to grow up,

I just wanted to be

tall enough to

reach the cookies.

Spank GrandmaPS-219

children are

often spoiled

because no one

spanks Grandma.

Mother Was RightPS-218

oh my god,my mother

was right abouteverything.

Do What You LovePS-217

“Do what you love

& money will follow.”

Ate pizza, drank wine,

took a nap with my dog...

Now I wait.

ApocalypsePS-216

life is too shortto be seriousall the time.

so, if you can’t laugh at yourself,

call me...I’ll laugh at you.

Reach the CookiesPS-220

I am not responsible forwhat my face

does when youtalk.

CrastinatePS-224

I used to justcrastinate,

but I got so good,I went pro.

OverreactingPS-223

Me?Overreacting?

shit. probably.

Plot TwistPS-222

when somethinggoes wrong in life,

just yell“plot twist!”

and move on.

Laugh at YourselfPS-221

stop pettingmy peeves

I Am Not ResponsiblePS-225

I love it when

the coffee kicks in

and I realize what

an adorable badass

I’m going to be today

Drinking GamePS-229

I supposeit would be

irresponsible to turnhouse cleaning

into a drinking game

Carry a KnifePS-228

I always carrya knife in

my purse...you know,

in case of cheesecakeor something.

One of Those DaysPS-227

it’s been one ofthose days for,

like, 3 years now

Stop PettingPS-226

I just ordereda life alert bracelet

so if I everget a life,

I’ll be notifiedimmediately.

Coffee Kicks InPS-230

when I ask fordirections,

please don’tuse wordslike “east”

Speed BumpPS-234

I seriously needa speed bump

between my brainand my mouth

I’m Just as ConfusedPS-233

I don’t knowif this helps any,

but I’mjust as confused

by me as you are

Fun Thing in MorningPS-232

a fun thing to doin the morningbefore I have

my coffeeis not talk to me

Life AlertPS-231

DirectionsPS-235

overthinking:the art of

creating problemsthat weren’teven there.

I’m in a good place right now.not emotionally.

I’m just at the liquor store.

I saw a guy at thecoffee shop today.

no phone, no tablet,no laptop.

he just sat there.drinking coffee.

like a psychopath.

being completely nakedsomehow feels

less nakedthan being

naked with shoes on.

my favorite coffeein the morning

is the one whereno one talks to me

while I drink it.

autocorrecthas become

my worstenema.

they say laughter’sthe best medicine.

they lie.it’s brownies.

I still don’t understand

what a wine stopper

is for.

I’ve got a good heart,

butthis mouth...

I just don’thave time for the

nervous breakdownI deserve.

apparently,I have an attitude.who f**ing knew?!

gym update:

not there.

it’s too...“a.m.” for me.

I wonder how many calories

are burned by jumping

to conclusions.

sunshine mixedwith a littlehurricane.

if you canread this,

bring me aglass of wine.

I’m totally lackingthe zip-a-dee partof my doo-dah day.

don’t becondescending

(that’s whenyou talk down

to people)

some daysyou feel like you’re

surrounded by idiots.other days

you realize it’snot just some days.

sometimes I stare atmy husband when he

isn’t looking andI think to myself,wow... he is one

lucky son of a bitch.

I just sawsome idiot at the gym

put a water bottlein the pringles holder

on the treadmill.

I really do tryto see the

best in people.but seriously,

some of you peopleare making it so

damn hard.

I meditate.I burn candles.

I drink green tea.and I still

want to smacksome people.

the first rule ofthe ocd club

is that there has tobe a second rule

so we have an evennumber of rules.

the 12-stepchocoholics program:

never be morethan 12 steps away

from chocolate.

PsychopathPS-239

NakedPS-238

Favorite CoffeePS-237

OverthinkingPS-236

Liquor StorePS-240

Wine StopperPS-244

This MouthPS-243

Nervous BreakdownPS-242

AutocorrectPS-241

BrowniesPS-245

Too “a.m.”PS-249

Jumping to ConclusionsPS-248

HurricanePS-247

AttitudePS-246

Gym UpdatePS-250

Zip-a-DeePS-255

See the BestPS-260

CondescendingPS-254

IdiotsPS-253

Lucky SOBPS-252

If You Can Read ThisPS-251

Smack PeoplePS-259

OCD ClubPS-258

12 StepsPS-257

PringlesPS-256

meh.my middle

fingersalutes you.

right?

in ancient egyptcats were

considered gods.cats have notforgotten this.

organized peopleare just too lazy

to look for things.

honestly, I washaving a really good

thursday until Iremembered it was

only tuesday.

give up carbs?over my

bread body.

whatever

my age is veryinappropriate

for my behavior.

some daysI amaze myself.

other daysI look for my

phone while I’mholding it.

I don’t need aninspirational

quote.I need coffee.

mondaynever

happened.

I love to smile.I’m a happy little fucker.

that moment whenyour alarm goes off

and you wonderif you reallyneed a job.

one thing my dogand I havein common

is that we neverwant me to go

to work.

my dietcould be

described as:unchaperoned

child at abirthday party

my exercise routineconsists of doing

diddly squats.

driving by myselfis so tiring...

I have to be thelead singer,

back-up singer,dancers,

hype man, etc.

my motto is:second guesseverything...

right???

do I love my job? no.but does it afford me

the ability to goon lavish vacationsand buy anythingI want? also no.

What EverPS-269

InappropriatePS-268

AmazePS-267

ThursdayPS-266

Bread BodyPS-270

SmilePS-274

AlarmPS-273

Go to WorkPS-272

Inspirational QuotePS-271

Never HappenedPS-275

SquatsPS-280

Driving By MyselfPS-279

Second GuessPS-278

Lavish VacationsPS-277

UnchaperonedPS-276

RightPS-264

Ancient EgyptPS-263

Too LazyPS-262

MehPS-261

Middle FingerPS-265

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P. S .