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Issue No.1 - December 28, 2011 THE WEEKLY EXPOSING YOUR DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS! EXPOSER! Minraed Arzhel got feisty with a photogra- pher last week during a photo-shoot to promote her new line of leather studded pet collars. Eye witnesses say the pho- tographer stood on Ms Arzhel’s tail. ALEX AND BZANNA GO ON CRIME SPREE DRESSED AS BATMAN AND CATWOMAN! APPREHENDED WHEN SHOPPING FOR CRACKERS! FAIRYTALE ACTOR’S SECRET FAIRYTALE ACTOR’S SECRET STEAMY PHOTO STEAMY PHOTO - - SHOOT! SHOOT! JN’S AWKWARD STAY AT AN JN’S AWKWARD STAY AT AN INNER INNER - - CITY BOARDING HOUSE! CITY BOARDING HOUSE! Check out the latest SIFF Gossip! Inside! SylentWhysper’s Fashion Faux-pas! SSPRODUCTION’S DRUNKEN SSPRODUCTION’S DRUNKEN SSPRODUCTION’S DRUNKEN CHRISTMAS PARTY CHRISTMAS PARTY CHRISTMAS PARTY ! ! FIND OUT WHO STARTED FIND OUT WHO STARTED FIND OUT WHO STARTED THE FIRE THE FIRE THE FIRE ! !

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Issue No.1 - December 28, 2011

THE WEEKLY

EXPOSING YOUR DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS!

EXPOSER!

Minraed Arzhel got feisty with a photogra-

pher last week during a photo-shoot to

promote her new line of leather studded

pet collars. Eye witnesses say the pho-

tographer stood on Ms Arzhel’s tail.

ALEX AND BZANNA GO ON CRIME SPREE DRESSED AS BATMAN AND CATWOMAN! A P P R E H E N D E D W H E N SHOPPING FOR CRACKERS!

FAIRYTALE ACTOR’S SECRET FAIRYTALE ACTOR’S SECRET

STEAMY PHOTOSTEAMY PHOTO--SHOOT! SHOOT!

JN’S AWKWARD STAY AT AN JN’S AWKWARD STAY AT AN

INNERINNER--CITY BOARDING HOUSE!CITY BOARDING HOUSE!

Check out

the latest

SIFF Gossip!

Inside!

SylentWhysper’s

Fashion Faux-pas!

SSPRODUCTION’S DRUNKEN SSPRODUCTION’S DRUNKEN SSPRODUCTION’S DRUNKEN

CHRISTMAS PARTYCHRISTMAS PARTYCHRISTMAS PARTY! !

FIND OUT WHO STARTED FIND OUT WHO STARTED FIND OUT WHO STARTED

THE FIRETHE FIRETHE FIRE! !

RAMPANT CRIME-SPREE ENDS IN JAIL-TIME.

High-profile film directors SSProduc-

tions and Bzanna have been apprehended

by police after a night of theft, van-

dalism and indecent exposure. The pair

started their evening by tying Batman to

a post and making off with his suit and

batmobile. They then travelled to The

Joker’s estate and stole his supply of

red lipstick, before using it to draw

obscenities on his gate. Commissioner

Gordon announced that the misfits were

apprehended at around 11pm when Bzanna

made SS stop at a 7-11 for Saltine

crackers. When asked to comment, Bzanna

replied: “I’m a snaaaake!”.

SHOCKING SECRET PHOTO-SHOOT REVEALED

Shocking pictures of actor Bryant the

Defiant Giant have emerged this week.

Bryant was most recently seen in

Ausagi’s Christmas themed sing-a-long

“Merry Christmas!”. Reports suggest that

Bryant bought his outfit to spice up his

relationship with his wife Bertha. The

Exposer understands that this photo was

only one of many racy photos. A young

man named Jack found the giants camera

after climbing a magical beanstalk and

sneaking into Bryant’s castle looking

for golden eggs. In an exclusive inter-

view with the Exposer, Jack stated:

“This one photo earned me more money

than five of those goose eggs!”

AASHLEYSEG VS CAPTAIN AWESOME - THE FEUD CONTINUES

The bitter feud between co-stars of new movie Ayla the Dryad has caused

JN Studios to halt production. Captain Awesome is threatening to walk

off set unless Mrs SEG is fired. Film director Jinja Ninja wasn’t avail-

able for comment, but it is believed he may step in as Aashley’s body

double for the horse-back scenes, to prevent Captain Awesome from quit-

ting.

JINJA NINJA’S INDECENT PROPOSAL

Jinja Ninja got more than he was expecting

on a recent business trip. Mr Ninja was

scouting for talent in Charlotte, NC last

week and stayed at the infamous Mrs Wong’s

boarding house. It seems the Aikin the

Tree Boy director thought he was getting a

“free continental breakfast”, but instead

received a “free oriental breakfast”.

Tempted as he was, Mr Ninja had to decline

due to allergies. The Exposer asked Jinja

why he was not staying in a classy hotel

during his stay, to which he replied: “I

tried. They took one look at the color of

my hair, then told me there were no vacan-

cies”. In retaliation to this discrimina-

tory act, JN purchased the hotel in ques-

tion and burnt it to the ground.

SYLENT WHYSPER’S FASHION FAUX-PAS

SylentWhysper has been seen clowning

around on her recent vacation to

Antarctica. Known for her clean and bal-

anced image in the public eye, The

Exposer has revealed what she is like

behind closed doors. Dressed in a ghast-

ly clown suit with two male companions

who have been identified as slaves,

Sylent was seen dancing inappropriately

to carnival music. When Ms Whysper spot-

ted our photographer, Peter the Penguin,

she roared a number of profanities be-

fore ordering her minions to take chase.

Peter escaped unharmed.

SIFF GOSSIP

As many would have guessed, preparation for the Sims International

Film Festival is well underway. Although the festival doesn’t start

until March 15 2012, the rumors are already starting to fly. We

have heard that Kazee is releasing a biopic titled Monkey See, Mon-

key Do, and CatKetty21 is making her film crew dress up as pirates.

BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE AT SSPRODUCTIONS CHRISTMAS PARTY

It seems that SSProductions is no stranger to scandal. Prior to his

recent events involving Bzanna and the batmobile, he caused a stir

at a Christmas party he hosted at his Hillwood Mansion. Reports

stat the the The Emperor of Evil star had been drinking heavily

when he accidentally farted near a candle. The mini-explosion

caused the Christmas tree to catch fire, which in turn destroyed

his living room. The fire brigade had trouble battling the blaze

due to three unidentified females trying to touch their biceps. The

three women (also understood to be famous directors) were arrested

and charged with perverting the course of justice. Their charges

were later dropped to just perverting. SSProductions was not

charged, however is currently on bail pending trial for his in-

volvement in the Batman and Catwoman crime spree.