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Exposing your dirty little secrets!
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Issue No.1 - December 28, 2011
THE WEEKLY
EXPOSING YOUR DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS!
EXPOSER!
Minraed Arzhel got feisty with a photogra-
pher last week during a photo-shoot to
promote her new line of leather studded
pet collars. Eye witnesses say the pho-
tographer stood on Ms Arzhel’s tail.
ALEX AND BZANNA GO ON CRIME SPREE DRESSED AS BATMAN AND CATWOMAN! A P P R E H E N D E D W H E N SHOPPING FOR CRACKERS!
FAIRYTALE ACTOR’S SECRET FAIRYTALE ACTOR’S SECRET
STEAMY PHOTOSTEAMY PHOTO--SHOOT! SHOOT!
JN’S AWKWARD STAY AT AN JN’S AWKWARD STAY AT AN
INNERINNER--CITY BOARDING HOUSE!CITY BOARDING HOUSE!
Check out
the latest
SIFF Gossip!
Inside!
SylentWhysper’s
Fashion Faux-pas!
SSPRODUCTION’S DRUNKEN SSPRODUCTION’S DRUNKEN SSPRODUCTION’S DRUNKEN
CHRISTMAS PARTYCHRISTMAS PARTYCHRISTMAS PARTY! !
FIND OUT WHO STARTED FIND OUT WHO STARTED FIND OUT WHO STARTED
THE FIRETHE FIRETHE FIRE! !
RAMPANT CRIME-SPREE ENDS IN JAIL-TIME.
High-profile film directors SSProduc-
tions and Bzanna have been apprehended
by police after a night of theft, van-
dalism and indecent exposure. The pair
started their evening by tying Batman to
a post and making off with his suit and
batmobile. They then travelled to The
Joker’s estate and stole his supply of
red lipstick, before using it to draw
obscenities on his gate. Commissioner
Gordon announced that the misfits were
apprehended at around 11pm when Bzanna
made SS stop at a 7-11 for Saltine
crackers. When asked to comment, Bzanna
replied: “I’m a snaaaake!”.
SHOCKING SECRET PHOTO-SHOOT REVEALED
Shocking pictures of actor Bryant the
Defiant Giant have emerged this week.
Bryant was most recently seen in
Ausagi’s Christmas themed sing-a-long
“Merry Christmas!”. Reports suggest that
Bryant bought his outfit to spice up his
relationship with his wife Bertha. The
Exposer understands that this photo was
only one of many racy photos. A young
man named Jack found the giants camera
after climbing a magical beanstalk and
sneaking into Bryant’s castle looking
for golden eggs. In an exclusive inter-
view with the Exposer, Jack stated:
“This one photo earned me more money
than five of those goose eggs!”
AASHLEYSEG VS CAPTAIN AWESOME - THE FEUD CONTINUES
The bitter feud between co-stars of new movie Ayla the Dryad has caused
JN Studios to halt production. Captain Awesome is threatening to walk
off set unless Mrs SEG is fired. Film director Jinja Ninja wasn’t avail-
able for comment, but it is believed he may step in as Aashley’s body
double for the horse-back scenes, to prevent Captain Awesome from quit-
ting.
JINJA NINJA’S INDECENT PROPOSAL
Jinja Ninja got more than he was expecting
on a recent business trip. Mr Ninja was
scouting for talent in Charlotte, NC last
week and stayed at the infamous Mrs Wong’s
boarding house. It seems the Aikin the
Tree Boy director thought he was getting a
“free continental breakfast”, but instead
received a “free oriental breakfast”.
Tempted as he was, Mr Ninja had to decline
due to allergies. The Exposer asked Jinja
why he was not staying in a classy hotel
during his stay, to which he replied: “I
tried. They took one look at the color of
my hair, then told me there were no vacan-
cies”. In retaliation to this discrimina-
tory act, JN purchased the hotel in ques-
tion and burnt it to the ground.
SYLENT WHYSPER’S FASHION FAUX-PAS
SylentWhysper has been seen clowning
around on her recent vacation to
Antarctica. Known for her clean and bal-
anced image in the public eye, The
Exposer has revealed what she is like
behind closed doors. Dressed in a ghast-
ly clown suit with two male companions
who have been identified as slaves,
Sylent was seen dancing inappropriately
to carnival music. When Ms Whysper spot-
ted our photographer, Peter the Penguin,
she roared a number of profanities be-
fore ordering her minions to take chase.
Peter escaped unharmed.
SIFF GOSSIP
As many would have guessed, preparation for the Sims International
Film Festival is well underway. Although the festival doesn’t start
until March 15 2012, the rumors are already starting to fly. We
have heard that Kazee is releasing a biopic titled Monkey See, Mon-
key Do, and CatKetty21 is making her film crew dress up as pirates.
BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE AT SSPRODUCTIONS CHRISTMAS PARTY
It seems that SSProductions is no stranger to scandal. Prior to his
recent events involving Bzanna and the batmobile, he caused a stir
at a Christmas party he hosted at his Hillwood Mansion. Reports
stat the the The Emperor of Evil star had been drinking heavily
when he accidentally farted near a candle. The mini-explosion
caused the Christmas tree to catch fire, which in turn destroyed
his living room. The fire brigade had trouble battling the blaze
due to three unidentified females trying to touch their biceps. The
three women (also understood to be famous directors) were arrested
and charged with perverting the course of justice. Their charges
were later dropped to just perverting. SSProductions was not
charged, however is currently on bail pending trial for his in-
volvement in the Batman and Catwoman crime spree.