Shashati

Ruby Shashati

Mr. Hyponen

HRE4M1

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

How to Properly Deal With Mental Illness

According to The Oxford English Dictionary, stigma can be defined as a mark of

disgrace associated with a particular circumstance, quality, or person. Mental health has

been a large stigma for many years, and this is mostly because a lot of people don’t

know how to handle those who suffer from mental illness. This is understandable as

they are so different from what the world perceives to be normal that they seem almost

alien, therefore causing the world to shun them and cast them away. This is mostly a

result of how one was raised, and how well they were taught to cope with those who

are different. There are many philosophers over time that have written theories on how

to form a strong family or to have a good marriage, and this in turn will help those

families and couples cope with the stigma of mental illness, and assist their child(ren)

with whatever they may need should they have a form of mental illness. The main

stages of married life and traits of a strong family can be applied to Erik Erikson’s stages

of development. Erik Erikson is a renowned psychologist who discovered the eight

stages of development in a human’s life, and through using these stages and applying

them to a child’s life, one can better understand how to cope with mental illness.

As a couple begins their life together, they experience a lot of change in their

regular, daily routines. They must learn to cope with the other person’s different habits

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and “quirks.” However, because they are just starting out in their relationship, they

enter into this change in their lives with joy and openness, leading to the romantic stage

in their relationship. At this stage, they are completely besotted with each other and

have reached such a high level of intimacy that they place their partner’s needs and

wants before their own at all times. This ties in with the traits of spiritual wellness and

appreciation in a strong family. Since they are so in love and are just beginning their

journey together, they have more appreciation for each other and for what the other

can offer. They are also spiritually aware that there is a greater good; they may not

necessarily believe in a god or follow a certain religion but they understand that there is

a greater power at work (some might even believe that power brought them together)

and this in turn gives them purpose and strength. When applying these traits to Erik

Erikson’s stages of development, one can see that they would be more relevant to the

first stages of human life, especially since these traits are about beginnings. The first

three stages of development are the oral sensory stage, the muscular-anal stage and the

locomotor stage. In the oral sensory stage, a child must develop a loving trusting

relationship with the one who feeds him/her and a healthy dependence of others,

otherwise mistrust will form in the child and he/she will have trouble trusting people

later on in his/her life. This can be an issue if the child has a mental illness as the illness

itself would have enough of an effect on the child’s life, and if the parents do not take

the initiative to help the child develop a healthy trust of others, it could seriously affect

both the parent’s and the child’s life later on. In the muscular-anal stage, the child goes

through toilet training, and must learn to have control rather than develop feelings of

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shame and doubt about his/her abilities. If the child’s independence is not properly

shaped at this stage, it could affect their future life and their future decisions. This stage

is especially important if the child has a mental illness, as they may find it difficult to

gain control over their bladder and their abilities. Not to mention, most people seem to

think that those who suffer from mental illness have trouble with potty training, and

while this may be true for some cases, it’s not true for all. In assuming that a child with

mental illness cannot control his/her bladder, one would undermine the child’s

confidence, therefore affecting their independence, as they would feel as if they

constantly need help in this department. The locomotor stage is one of the most

important stages in a child’s life. It is where they fight with initiative and guilt, about

whether they should take the initiative and do something or if they should worry and

feel guilty about doing it. If their independence is not properly developed, they will feel

guilty about doing something and soon enough they will live in guilt over everything

they choose to do because they have no confidence in themselves or their abilities.

Tying this back to the muscular-anal stage, if a child with mental illness has no

confidence in their abilities they will start to feel guilty over their actions, because they

will always feel like they did something wrong. If the parents of the child do not know

how to properly deal with this and turn this around, the child will only get worse and

worse.

Once a couple gets past their romantic stage, they pass through a power

struggle, where one partner may feel the other is not pulling his/her weight and the

expectations they had for their relationship and their partner are starting to crop up.

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This results in fights and arguments, not always catastrophic but can still seriously affect

their marriage. If they handle this stage with respect and good negotiating skills then

they can get through it and pass on to the next stage, which is stability. When couples

reach this stage they ask themselves what they are bringing into the relationship, and if

they manage to get past the power struggle, they usually rekindle their love. The

challenge they face in this stage is to keep some spontaneity in their lives and not allow

themselves to fall into a routine. The most important family traits to keep in mind here

are coping ability and communication. The couple must be able to cope with the stress

of their work and social lives and their children’s lives as well as their own personal lives

together and to do so they must communicate with each other and make sure they both

have an understanding of each other’s strengths and weaknesses. These stages can be

applied most to the three stages of childhood, adolescence and young adulthood, as

those are one of the toughest times in a child’s life. In the latency stage, the child is

discovering how things work and what they can do to make things happen. They fight

with feelings of inferiority versus industry and can only resolve the issue when they are

able to handle the demands of school; otherwise they develop a sense of inferiority,

failure and incompetence. If the child has a mental illness, this feeling will be intensified

as almost all mental illnesses can stop a child from fully completing something school

related and it is the parent's’ job to insure that the child is able to properly handle

demands given him/her in order to prevent the feeling of inferiority. Once the child

enters adolescence, they fight with their identity and role confusion. If their identity is

undermined or put in a mold, it will have serious repercussions on them later in the

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future. One mistake most parents make with any teenager is trying to mold into the

person they want them to be, without allowing to choose who that person should be. In

the case of a child with mental illness, the parent might try to mold into the ideal

teenager they think they should be, but this will continue to undermine their confidence

and make them feel inferior. Finally they enter into the stage of young adulthood,

where they fight with intimacy and isolation. If they do not develop an intimate

relationship, they will suffer from isolation, which can lead to depression. Depression

can be considered a form of mental illness, and in order for the parents to prevent it;

they must assist their child in finding intimacy. They must teach the child how to find

intimacy and how to deal with relationships, especially if they start to fluctuate. Parents

must teach a child how to handle the power struggle in their own relationship.

The final stages in a marriage are recommitment, fruitfulness, and finally growing

old together. In recommitment, a couple will simply recommit themselves to each

other, if they have successfully managed to keep some spontaneity in their lives. Once

they go into fruitfulness, they begin to do more things together, and have more

appreciation for each other. This helps them when they’re growing old together; as they

take all those memories and moments they shared and use it to continue strengthening

their relationship. These stages require time and commitment. A couple must be able to

put time into their relationship together and be committed to make it last. These stages

relate best to Erikson’s stages of adulthood and maturity. During adulthood, one must

fight with generativity and stagnation, meaning one must find a way to satisfy the next

generation or suffer a less meaningful life. In other words, this is the stage where the

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now grown up child decides to procreate. If the parents did a good job of teaching the

child how to find intimacy, then procreation would naturally be the following step. Some

people cannot procreate because of certain bodily issue, and if the child has a mental

illness and cannot procreate, the parents must be able to help them deal with this issue

and understand that it is a normal issue that a lot of different types of people face.

Parents must have time and commitment in order to help their child, and in turn, the

now grown child must have time and commitment with their own children as well as

their partner. Finally the child will pass into the last stage of development, maturity,

where they must reflect on and accept their life. If they cannot resolve the issue of ego

integrity versus despair they will go into despair, which will be fed by sorrow and doubt.

In this stage, they can pass on the lessons learned in their lives to their children and

grandchildren and then start the cycle all over again, where they help their children

grow and teach them to deal with certain issues in their lives.

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