Speaking to Someone You

8/11/2019 Speaking to Someone You

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Speaking to someone you've never met is easy for some, difficult for others. The secret is to

avoid waiting too long before approaching, because if you do, someone else might talk to them

first. So take a deep breath, think of a good opening, and go for it! It's really not that hard.

Here are some tips to avoid awkwardness when meeting someone for the first time.

Small Talk

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Think of an opener.If you're going up to someone and planning on talking to them, you need a

conversation starter. conversation starter will reassure the person that you follow social cues,

you're friendly, and are genuinely interested in them.

on't always overthink it. simple "Hello, how are you#" or "$ice day, is this seat

taken#" work really well. Simple is best.

%omment on something that's happening around both of you. &aybe you're both at the

mall, and she's shopping for shoes. ou can go up to her and say( "Those are nice shoes. They'd

look great on you."

sk a )uestion about something that's happening around you. sk for directions to thelibrary *and pretend you're going+ ask for the time *and pretend you're busy+ or simply ask them

if they know of any lunch-dinner spots nearby.

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Try a bit of small talk.Small talk gets a bad rap, but it shouldn't. Small talk tells us a lot about

the other person, and hopefully leads to more meaningful conversion. ut it's a step along the

way.

sk people what they do for a living and tell them what you do. Having a

discussion about your /obs isn't the most tantali0ing conversation *unless you're a professional

skydiver or underwater e1plorer+, but it can be interesting to see what other people do for aliving.

sk people where they grew up. "id you grow up around here#" is a perfectly

fine small talk )uestion. "2hat was the city you grew up in like#" is a great follow3up )uestion if

they didn't grow up nearby.

sk about their hobbies. good way to frame this )uestion is( "So, what do you

like to do in your free time#" Hopefully they have e1citing hobbies and fun stories to tell.

on't talk about the weather, whatever you do. $o one really cares about the

weather, and it's a sign that you're trying to make small talk without being personal. Instead of

relating to the rain or sun, try relating to the person you're talking with.

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Be funny if you can.4ots of people think they're funny or witty when they actually aren't. If you

regularly get sympathy laughs from your friends, or crickets from strangers, when you try to be

funny, don't make an effort here. If you're actually a funny person, don't be afraid to let some

/okes fly.

on't go overboard. This person doesn't know your sense of humor, and is probably still

trying to figure out whether she or he likes you. couple off3color /okes and your opportunity to

impress them are probably long gone.

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Pay attention to your body language.ody language says a lot about us. It can betray us when

we're bored, an1ious, e1cited, happy, or sad. e sure you're sending your new potential friend the

right vibes with your body.

&aintain good eye contact. 4ook the other person in the eye, at least some of the time,

when you talk. on't stare at your feet or off into the distance.

Smile periodically. ou don't have to have a smile plastered over your face the whole

time, but make an effort to smile sincerely, even if that's not how you're feeling inside. 5eep your hands under control. on't fidget with them. &ore importantly, keep your

hands off the other person. 6emember( They don't know you yet, and you don't want to come off

as too friendly.

Talk slowly and laugh at their /okes *even if they're not that funny+. %alm yourself down

by talking slowly. It'll seem like it sounds weird, but it actually sounds normal. o them a favor

and laugh at their silly /okes, even if they're bombs.

Etending the !on"ersation

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#on$t forget to share information about yourself.ou don't always need to wait for the other

person to ask you a )uestion in order to talk about yourself.

6elate e1periences they talk about to e1periences you've had.

If the other person talks about having gone skiing over the weekend, you

can say( "2ell, I'm /ealous. I tried going last ecember but we had a white3out after a nasty

bli00ard rolled through. How was the powder#"

7ffer information that fits the flow of the conversation. lot of the time, you can

get away with non3se)uiturs simply because you move the conversation forward(

If the other person is talking about their horrible in3laws, you can saysomething like( "I know, getting to know my in3laws was pretty rough. There's a funny story,

actually, about my wedding night, when my dad mistook my father in3law for the bartender...."

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Tell stories.Stories offer other people a chance to take a break from talking while encouraging

them to open up as well. Telling stories that encourage more conversation is all about striking the

perfect balance between e1citement and humility. Tell a riveting story, but don't get cocky.

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Try to find something you ha"e in common.There's something bonding about having gone

through the same thing or e1perienced something special together. 2e want others to understandus, and finding commonalities is a way for other people to understand us.

Socially acceptable commonalities to talk about include( school *any level+,

birthplace, role models, personal preferences *favorite foods, travel destinations, movies, sports

teams etc.+, backgrounds, goals, and many more. If, for any reason, you feel like the person

might be threatened by your finding a common e1perience, shy away from discussing it.

Stay away from religion and politics. 2hile religion and politics are acceptable

topics to talk about, they're considered "hot button" issues and often provoke strong emotional

responses. 2ait until the third or fourth meeting to /ump into religion and politics.

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Be sincere.It's okay to /oke around a little bit, but sincerity should be one thing you offer the

person throughout your conversation. eing sincere tells the other person you're showing them

the real you. It's a little bit of an olive branch, a gift of trust.

If you do /oke around a lot, follow up your /okes with phrases like "$o, to be

perfectly honest," or "I'm kidding, if you want to know the truth...." These phrases show an

ability to switch seamlessly between being funny and being sincere. It's okay to be vulnerable, if you don't feelvulnerable about it. 2hat does this

mean# It means it's okay to share something you don't normally share with people *cancer

diagnosis, fear of open spaces, etc.+ if you don't act scared, bothered, or intense about it. In fact,

people like it when you're vulnerable in a calm, collected way. It shows them how "real" you are.

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&no' 'hen to end the con"ersation. conversation is like a date( There's a beginning, middle,

and end to it, and it shouldn't go on forever. 5now when it's time to end the conversation and

potentially move onto the ne1t one. 8nding the conversation is natural thing to do it does not

mean that you failed.

If you manage to talk for 9:3;< minutes with someone you've never met before,you've done a great /ob. ou'll probably start running out of things to say or )uestions to ask,

which is normal. 8nd the conversation by saying "2ell, it was nice meeting you. &aybe we can

talk again sometime#" and e1change phone numbers if the other person seems interested.

If you manage to talk for more than ;< minutes, you've really hit it off with this

person. ou probably share a lot of similarities and you mesh well together. This does not mean,

however, that you should talk through the night or monopoli0e all of their time. If the

conversation is flowing naturally, keep with it. If the conversation starts petering out, look for

ways to gently say goodbye. Since you hit it off, you'll always have another opportunity to talk

again.

=riendships take time. ou probably won't walk away from any first conversationthinking you've earned a friend or made an enemy. These things take time. Hang out with the

people you have good conversations with. It might take weeks, months, or even years before

your friendship is cemented.

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Speaking to Someone You