Redditor D4

8/4/2019 Redditor D4

1/13

/AMA

WE ARENASA ROCKET

PROPULSIONSCIENTISTS

/AMA

I SURVIVEDAN ATTACK BY

A GREATWHITE SHARK

/ASKREDDITYOUR SMALLPRIVATE ACTSOF REBELLION

/ASKREDDIT

LIFE HACKS:A TRULY EPICCOLLECTION

/STORIES

MIGHTY MOUSE:a tale of regret, glue

and vegetable oil.

ISSUE 2 AUGUST 2011redditorTHE

MULTI-COLOUREDCHICKENS

A 24-HOURBOAT RIDEIN BRAZIL


2/13

BEST WAY TO GET OUT OF A DATE?

WHAT ARE YOUR BEST RANDOM FACTS?

WHAT ARE YOUR SMALL, PRIVATE ACTS OF

REBELLION? CREEPIEST STORIES WHILE YOUREHOME ALONE?

I LIVED AT A NUDIST CAMP EVERY SUMMERUNTIL I WAS 18

TRAVELED 61 DAYS BY TRAIN,LIVING OUT OF A SUITCASE

WE ARE SCIENTISTS AT NASASJET PROPULSION LAB

I AM A SEARCH AND RESCUE PILOTIN THE US COAST GUARD

I SURVIVED AN ATTACK BY A GREAT WHITE SHARKWILDERNESS PROGRAMS, LOCKDOWNS,AND REFORM RANCHES MIGHTY MOUSE

I WAS SEVEN WHEN MOUNT ST. HELENS ERUPTED

A WAITING WIFE

TOOK MY NIECE TO THE SAFARI TODAY...

WATER DROP FALLING IN FRONT OFMC ESCHER SKETCH

LIGHTS MOVING INSIDE A CLOTHES DRYER

ZISSOU PAINTINGASKED A FRIEND TO TAKE PHOTOS OFME SKYDIVING...

REDDITBOT

ACCIDENTAL WESTERN SCENE

OLD PHOTOS FROM BUCHENWALDCONCENTRATION CAMP

MY MOM WITH HER PET ANTEATER, CLAUDE

5

6

7

8

11

12

14

1619

20

25

26

27

29

3031

32

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/askreddit

/ama

/pics

/stories


3/13

Hello, and thankyou for down-loading the rst (full)

issue of The Redditor.

Our goal is simple - wewant to give special

tribute and attention

each month to the

best stories, posts, and

photos submitted to

reddit.com. The focus

will be exclu- sively

on original, user gen-

erated content you

wouldnt nd through any other

site or magazine. The content will be

unique, personal, and hopefully in-

spiring.

A few reasons why we are doing

this. The internet moves fast. Each

day we see hundreds of front page

stories come and go within hours.

Daily news, inside jokes, memes, and

reposts, all of which may have their

place but also bury some great orig-

inal work. Nothing stays in focus

much longer than 12 hours without

requir- ing some digging around.

Consider this months AMA thread

from NASA scientists. We are lucky

to have a forum where this is even

possible, yet many of the best an-

swers were buried under 2100+ com-

ments. Consider a rage comic nding

an audience a thousand times larger

than a talented photographers origi-

nal work.

Were here to highlight what gets

lost in the shufe. This is a great

new way to condense some of the

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Each issue will be distributed as a

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the rst issue, we are still developing

ideas for our future, and any feed-

back or thoughts are welcome over at

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Back-issues and updates will always

be found out our website, www.

theredditor.com.

The Redditor magazine is developed

by talented users formed over at /r/

theredditor. Between seeking out the

great content, designing and format-

ting this magazine from the ground

up, now fnally being able to share,

we are all very proud how the frst

issue has turned out. This is a com-

munity effort, embracing the com-

munity, for the community.

WELCOME TO ISSUE #2OF THE REDDITOR

OUR GOAL

Our goal is simple -

we want to give special

attention and tribute each

month to the best stories,

posts & photos submitted

to reddit.com

WE ARE CLOSER TO THE T-REX

IN NUMBER OF YEARS THAN THE

T-REX WAS TO THE STEGASAURUS.

USERNAME

/todayilearned


4/13

WE ARESCIENTISTSAT NASAS

JET PROPULSIONLABORATORY

ANNUAL US MILITARY BUDGET($US664 BILLION)

ANNUAL NASA BUDGET(US$13 BILLION)

WITH THE SPACE SHUTTLEPROGRAM WINDINGDOWN, A LOT OF PEOPLEARE WONDERING WHATIS NEXT FOR NASA AND

NORTH AMERICAN SPACEEXPLORATION.

NATURALLY THERE ISPLENTY OF SPECULATION,BUT I FIGURED IT WOULDBE NICE TO HEAR THESTORY FROM THE MENAND WOMEN CURRENTLYWORKING AT THE AGENCY.

NOTE THIS IS NOT AN OFFICIAL POST-ING BY THE NASA JET PROPULSION

LABORATORY AND DOES NOT REFLECT

THE DIRECT VIEWS OF THE AGENCY OR

ITS PARTNERS.

IF NASA HAD THE SAME KIND OFBUDGET AS THE US DEPT. OF DEFENSE,WHAT DO YOU THINK WOULD BEDONE WITH IT? WHAT PROJECTSMIGHT SUDDENLY COME TO THE FORE,WITH SUCH RESOURCES AT NASAS

DISPOSAL?With that much money Us$664 bil-

lion (est. 2010), things would be seri-

ously different. we could probably do

a reddit poll and take the top 10 (non

lolcat) suggestions and just run with

them all. what i would like to see

done with that budget is as follows:

1. moon based telescope - why not

build a few kilometer di- ameter tel-

escope on the far side of the moon?

it would be very well sheltered fromthe earths pollution and at that scale

it would provide unparalleled reso-

lution.

2. mass produced spacecraft - there is

a reason a lamborghini is more ex-

moon launch, with proper funding

there is no reason why we couldnt

set foot on mars within the next dec-

ade or two. the catch is proper fund-

ing.

while setting foot on mars has been

on the minds of many people sinceeven before the Apollo days, since

we achieved the technological prow-

ess to pull this mission off, we have

never had the political backing to

even seriously look at it.

well, there was one instance a couple

decades ago where the government

asked for an estimate but the agency

submitted its dreams and not a prac-

tical reality. numbers were way too

high, the government got spooked

and backed out. now they dont seemto take any proposal seriously.

IF NASA WANTS TO GO BACK TO THEMOON, WHY DONT YOU JUST BUILD ASATURN V ROCKET AND LUNAR LANDERACCORDING TO THE 1969 PLANS ANDLAUNCH IT? WHY SHOULD IT TAKE TENYEARS AGAIN?

Primarily because we have different

priorities now than we did back then.

it was originally a race, cut corners,

do whatever you gotta do to get hu-mans onto the moon without rack-

ing up a death toll while everyone is

watching.

if we go back to the moon, we dont

plan on leaving this time. even if left

unmanned, we would like to see a

permanent outpost on luna. we are

also much more about the future re-

source exploitation of this world. Ba-

sically, we have a lot more luggage

this trip around and our prioritieson getting to the moon are not what

they used to be.

ARE THE HIGH TECHNICAL STANDARDSREALLY NECESSARY? INSTEAD OFSENDING UP ONE AWESOME GOLD

/ama

pensive than a toyota corolla. when

you build something by hand, the

cost is signicantly higher than when

you can run an automated assembly

line and pump out thousands a day.

spaceX is hoping to tackle this, but i

can never put too much weight be-

hind corporate promises of space ex-ploration. if we could bring down the

cost of launches to $1000 a pound or

less, it could change the accessibility

of space for the entire world.

3. A serious space colony- while most

people dont recognize them as such,

space stations are literally our rst

space colonies. while they may not

be self-reliant, neither were many of

the early outposts around the world.

i would urge for the establishment ofa larger scientic outpost, one with at

least basic manufacturing capabili-

ties. i would ideally love to have a gi-

ant spaceship build- ing factory in or-

bit, but realistically we have plenty

to learn before we are ready for that. i

would just have us build the sandbox

so we have a chance to learn.

HOW LIKELY IS IT THAT THE PROJECTSTO SEND PEOPLE TO MARS WILL COMETO FRUITION IN THE NEXT 10-15 YEARS?

Technologically speaking, that time

line is actually fair. while this would

be a whole different ballgame than a


5/13

while setting foot on mars has been

on the minds of many people since

even before the Apollo days, since

we achieved the technological prow-

ess to pull this mission off, we have

never had the political backing to

even seriously look at it.

well, there was one instance a couple

decades ago where the government

asked for an estimate but the agency

tion.

IT SEEMS AS THOUGH SPACEEXPLORATION WILL BE THE DOMAIN OF

ROBOTS AND PRIVATE COMPANIES FORTHE FORESEEABLE FUTURE. DO YOU FEELTHAT IT IS IN GOOD HANDS?

A lot of people are kinda iffy on the

idea of private companies stepping

up to be the leaders in space access.

myself included. while i have full

faith in the corporate space industry

and their ne- cessity to make us a tru-

ly spacefaring civilization, we have

to look at the priorities here. nAsA is

a science institution, corporations areprot institutions.

should we put too much reliance on

corporations we will nd they are

legally obligated to make as much

money for their share- holders as

possible, not obligated to expand the

horizons of our knowledge.

I KNOW THIS ISNT EXACTLY YOUR FIELDOF WORK (QUITE THE OPPOSITE AC-TUALLY), BUT THE SPACE ELEVATOR.WILL WE SEE THIS IN OUR LIFETIME?IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE?

i would love to see the construction

of a space elevator, but realistically

i do not see one being built (or even

starting to be built) for at least several

decades.

this is a great idea, but requires a lotof international cooperation, some

serious advances in materials (per-

haps the newly discovered gra-

phene would involved), and a mas-

sive nancial invest- ment.

i do not see this even being seriously

attempted without a serious price

reduction (and quality improve-

ment) in the materials humanity can

currently create.

ANY ADVICE FOR THOSE INTERESTEDIN A CAREER AT NASA?

its attering to see so much interest

in working for nAsA and space explo-

ration, so here we go:

personally, i came from the com-

mercial aerospace industry, and left

to join Jpl mainly because i wanted

to be devoted towards space explora-

tion and remove myself from com-

mercial and defense funding moti-

vations. it is extremely humbling to

work with people who design and

send spacecraft to every planet in the

so- lar system and be along for the

ride.

with that said, Jpl does hire some of

the best and brightest. Are we hiring?

yes. Are we selective? you betcha! sohere is what i would recommend:

Be diligent in your studies - Al-

though there is no real minimum

GpA required, when youre compet-

ing with others, the higher the num-

ber, the better.

Be passionate about your interests -

If there is a specic eld of expertise,

highlight it in your resume* (school

projects & side projects), and in your

interview. if your resume still hasbabysit- ting or worked at my local

Japanese restaurant, its time to get

more experience (related to your eld

of work). when we are hiring, the

worst thing we hear or read is that

THE APOLLOMISSIONS DIDMORE THANCOLLECT A FEW

ROCKS AND GIVEASTRONAUTS ACHANCE TO PLAYGOLF ON ANOTHERWORLD THEYCHANGED HOWHUMANITY ITSELFTHOUGHT & FELTABOUT SPACE.


6/13

youre good at everything or will-

ing to do whatever work. that is a lie

and we both know it. Be specic and

tell us exactly what you want to do

and if we cant provide it, well refer

to someone who can.

Be promiscuous - http://ndyour-

place.jpl.nasa.gov - There are hun-dreds of groups at Jpl and elsewhere

at nAsA. nd the groups that interest

you and apply to all of them. there is

a job here for almost everyone.

Be persistent - Dont give up af-

ter one group turns you down (see

above). if you dont get a summer

internship this year, get more experi-

ence, and try again next year.

A FEW NOTES ABOUT THE WORK

ENVIRONMENT:

the hr department (specically com-

pensation) has an extremely chal-

lenging job of not only offering

competitive salaries (com- pared to

others in the aerospace industry),

but abiding by the limitations of our

nAsA publicly funded budget. i think

its safe to say that with a healthier

budget (currently $0.005 on the dol-

lar), we could not only fund way

cooler missions, but compete (com-pensation-wise) comfortably in the

public domain as well (Google, face-

book, microsoft, etc.). in short, work-

ing here will get you paid, but we

dont do it for the money.

so why do we do it? the relaxing work

environment, the talented individ-

uals, and the out of the world mis-

sions of course. But theres something

more. we are not (that much) smarter

than the rest of the working force,but i believe that we have a brilliant

goal. were making dreams come

true. someone asked what the coolest

thing weve seen working here. ive

seen shuttle launches and landings,

worked on missions to mars and be-

yond, and saw images beamed down

to our operations centers in real time

(mi- nus time delay). But the greatest

thing is to see the inspiration in the

eyes of people like you. And thats

what keeps me coming back to workevery single day.

/ama /askreddit

I am a pastry chef/cake decorator who

does wholesale and request cakes

for a popular high-quality cafe chain

in Boston. every week or so we get

an order for a plain birthday cake for

a local orphanage, and i make sure

that those 12 dollar single cakes are

even more beautiful than the two

300 dollar full sheet cakes that the

presidents of the big colleges order for

their private parties. with the amount

of money big schools waste, those

kids probably wont be able to afford a

good college, but they can still eat like

the president of one.RAMBUNCTOID

I work at mcdonalds and instead of

giving people 4/6/10/20 piece mcnug-

gets sometimes i throw an extra one or

sometimes a few in. And sometimes i

snag some for myself.

RAMBUNCTOID

i used to fork for tim hortons (canada)

every night after my shift i was al-lowed to bring as much coffee home

as i wanted,so i would take Xl cups

and ll them with chicken salad mix.

i would then leave the store with 4 Xl

coffees and give them to the home-

less or the punk bums along with day

old bread.

- EATMYSHIT

i poop for as long as i can while on the

clock at work.

-TODAYIAMNEW

i received complaints of having long

grass in my yard. my neigh- bors

didnt know i went on a 2 week vaca-

tion. i got back and the only neighbor

i can stand told me about the com-

plaints.

i looked up the city ordinances and

im allowed to have grass as long as

12 inches on my lawn. now i go out

every few days and clip the grass

thats grown longer than 11.5 inches.

right now about 75% of my lawn is

exactly 11.5 long.

ENAD58

in middle school they used to dismiss

lunch tables one at a time based on

what tables were good. one day the

teacher dismiss- ing us was being a

total jerk and making us wait extra

long, so i stood up and screamed they

cAnt stop Us All! and ran out of the

lunchroom with a mob of fellow stu-

dents behind me.

- DURANDAL00

they only empty our trash at work

on fridays due to budget cuts, which

is awesome when somebody bringsin shsticks on a monday for lunch.

so every few days, i drop some of my

trash in an interofce envelope and

send it to an administration ofce-as

they still get daily trash service.

i honk at dogs while theyre pooping.

- SWEAVER

i dont seed my torrents.

- AGREESWITHFISHPAL

- YAYITSCAROLINE

i have an account at citi bank with

less than 25 cents in it. every month

they send me a letter with my account

balance in it, which costs more to send

than the worth of my account. i am

slowly taking down citi bank with

every letter.

- DHARRY

my mom used to take the junk mail

we got, the kind that comes with a

pre-paid envelope inside, and lled

them up with other junk mail or theoccasional dog hair that was shed all

over the house. the postage isnt paid

for unless the envelope is sent, so the

spamming company ends up using

money for emptying our house of

junk mail... and dog hair.

- TEHJIMMY

i place stamps upside down on my

mail.

- NOT_A_WOLF - JUST_HATING

WHAT ARE YOUR SMALL,PRIVATE ACTS OF REBELLION?

www.redd.it/vdk52g submitted byUserNameHere


7/13

I

t was pretty early in the morning and

I heard some weird noise downstairs.

My wife was out of town with her mom

so just me and the cats in the house, and

they were both on the bed with me and

also looked kinda freaked out. So I get up

slowly and hear anoth-

er loud crash/glass

breaking type

noise. I didnt

own a gun or

anything at

the time so

I was look-

ing around

for some sort of

weapon which

ended up being this

brass vase thing I kept

change in. I grab that and creep

downstairs slightly freaking out. More

noises, then a mahhhhh noise.

Turns out I left the back door wide open

and my goat wandered into the kitchen

and shit everywhere and broke a shelf. I

yelled at the goat and he went back out-

side.

1950sGuy

Many years ago, I lived in a big, old,three-story house that had a roomon the middle level that we converted

into an ofce. I used to write nancial

reports late at night that were published

early the next morning.

The ofce had a few comput-

ers and my toddler son had

been playing on one of them

for most of the evening, right

up until I nished my work at

around 9pm. By then he had

fallen asleep, so I switched off

his monitor, scooped him up

and took him to bed, icking off

the light as I left.

For the next couple of hours I relaxed in

another room watching TV with my wife.

She went to bed around 11pm, and at

midnight I decided to do the same. I real-

ized Id left a window open in the ofce,so I went in there to close it.

The house was silent, and the room was

pitch black dark and ice cold when I

walked in. Colder than it should have

been for the time of the year, even with

I

live in a quiet, suburban neighbor-

hood. One night, several years ago,

at around 2:00am, the very quietest part

of the night, I was sleeping peacefully

when a tendril of music began to intrude

upon my dreams and

grew louder slowly,

to the point where it

woke me up.

Everything was dark,

but I could hear ex-

tremely loud hard-

core rap music ap-

proaching my house

from down the street.I thought maybe

someone was hav-

ing a party, but the

music kept approaching and kept getting

louder, to the point of panic- inducing

loudness - louder than any stereo I have

ever heard - louder than the front row of

a concert.

I stumble from bed and peek out my

front window, expecting to see maybe a

car full of gang-bangers cruising down

my street, trying to intimidate someone,but instead I am confronted with a sight

that unnerves me. The street lamps il-

the window open. I paused for a moment

in the center of the room to think about

this, and then it happened.

Knock knock knock.

Something was tapping on

the glass. But it wasnt the

random tappings of a bird or

another kind of animal, it wascompletely uniform. It sound-

ed human, but I was on the

second oor, so how was that

possible? It was so dark that I

couldnt make anything out

against the black glass, but a

few moments later it hap-

pened again.

Knock knock knock.

By now I was already feeling on edge.

Then, something happened that chilled

me to the core. Because out of the cornerof the room, to my right, and from the

darkness, a high-pitched, almost squeaky

voice began to speak quite loudly.

I can see you.

I froze on the spot. My blood went cold.

luminate a large tricycle as it passes in

front of my house; a large wooden box

on the back containing a stereo system

and enormous speakers. The man rid-

ing the tricycle is clothed from head to

toe in white rags and even his

head is covered in soiled white

rags - like a leper. Hes wearing

dark sunglasses and he is ped-

dling this enormous tricycle at

glacial speed, his legs moving in

slow motion as if he was towing

a huge load behind him.

The music assaulting my ears

is so out of proportion with thedark, empty street that chills run

up and down my spine and I just

stand there watching from the

corner of my window. He slowly pedals

down the length of my street, the music

taking an excruciatingly long time to

fade away. But when it does, I go back to

bed.

The same thing happens about three

times over the next month, but after that

the mysterious visitor never appears

again.

UserNameHere

My bowels prepared for evacuation. My

God, I thought, I never wrote that book.

Any book.

It spoke again, but with greater emphasis

on that all-important word.

I can seeee you.

I turned slowly to my right and walked

into the darkness, until I nally reached

my sons computer. Nothing there but an

empty chair. But no talking now. Just si-

lence. A horrible silence.

Carefully, I reached over and switched

on the monitor. The screen brightened,

and there it was: something red, and hor-

CREEPIEST STORY WHILEYOU WERE HOME ALONE?

THE MAN RIDINGTHE TRICYCLE ISCLOTHED FROMHEAD TO TOE INWHITE RAGS AND

EVEN HIS HEAD ISCOVERED IN SOILEDWHITE RAGS...

MY BOWELSPREPARED FOREVACUATION.MY GOD,I THOUGHT,I NEVER WROTETHAT BOOK.



8/13

T

wo years ago, i had a mouse whosneaked its way in somehow and took

up residence inside my stove. it was an olderversion with pilot ames for each set of burn-ers; since it was winter outside and the innerworkings of the stove were usually quitewarm and maze-like, i could see why heliked it in there.

As hard as i tried, i couldnt lure the mouseout. i didnt want a lowly, lthy rodent hang-ing around to create future unsanitary condi-tions and chewing on my things, and i alsodidnt want to utilize the stove and end up

burning the suck- er aliveand having my place smelllike a charred animal.

After a week of unsuccess-fully trying to resolve theissue myself, i opted to callthe landlord and had himsend someone to my placeto deal with it. they endedup setting two kinds of traps

around my apartment, a sticky glue trap andtraps lled with poisoned pellet food. i knew

both traps were meant to kill, but i didntcare, i just wanted the little bugger gone.

nally, one afternoon, i heard faint squealscom- ing from the kitchen. i discovered themouse, stuck to one of the glue traps placedunderneath the fridge. he had stepped onthere to get the food bits and immediatelyfound all his legs stuck, as well as the tipof his face, as he bent down to eat the foodplaced on the glue.

suddenly, i regretted having the traps and

i felt bad for the mouse, for a glue trap ismeant to result in a slow death...they strug-gle as they cant break free and end up starv-ing after a day or two. seeing the tiny 4 inch-long creature stuck there, i suddenly realizedi didnt really want the poor guy to die, i justwanted him to leave my apartment.

i tried to act quickly to make things right anddid a Google search on the traps. it turns out

that vegetable oil can be used to dissolve theglue and free the trapped victim. But i neverdid much cooking and didnt have any veg-etable oil, so as the mouse continued to help-lessly struggle, i ran down the street to thenearby 7-eleven and bought some vegetableoil. i then ran back and poured some on theglue trap hoping to free the poor guy.

But since his face and mouth were also stuckto the glue, he began to breathe in/swallowthe vegetable oil after i poured it on the trap

base. my heart sank and i began to screamat the mouse, no! dont swallow the oil,stupid! stop that! im only trying to help! idesperately tried to pry his legs free from theglue, hoping that the oil had worked quickenough and hoping that if i freed him rightaway, hed stop ingesting the oil and stilllive.

i couldnt break him free without breakingsome part of him too. helpless, i backed awayand watched as his chest heaved slowerand slower. there was nothing i could do

and i was lled with such a horrifying levelof dread. A few minutes passed, his cheststopped, and he was dead.

i had inadvertently killed the mouse whenall i wanted to do was save him. i cannot de-scribe how terrible that made me feel. despitemy best intentions, i had failed and to thisday i still feel bad about it.

i ended up eventually putting him in a shoe-box and took him over to my parents house,where they have a garden that i was able

to bury him in. i made a little cross markerfor where he was and etched into the woodmighty mouse.

MIGHTY MOUSE

I DIDNT REALLYWANT HIM TO DIE,I JUST WANTEDHIM TO LEAVE MYAPARTMENT

/stories


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dolor sit amet. And this is a longer com-

ment. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet.USERNAME


9/13

W

orking at my retail job,

i get to know most of

the regulars... there was anelderly couple who i start-

ing recognizing from only a

few weeks in from starting

there. it wasnt too difcult

since they would try to talk

to most em- ployees before

they even started shopping

(they especially wanted to

get to know me, the new

guy), always bright- ening up

our otherwise dull sunday

morning. theyd come inaround 10:30 every week

holding each others hand

and smiling, presumably

after church or breakfast, and

crack incredibly well wit- ted

responses to whatever we

were con- versing about.

Wed share stories, theirs

much more intriguing then

any of ours could ever be.

theyd ask how each of us

how we were doing, howwhatever they heard us say

last week turned out, etc.

they simply cared. him with

his slouch- ing posture, dated

1980s glasses with tinted red

lenses, and bald top with

gray hair surrounding un-

derneath. her with perhaps a

tacky oral purse by todays

standards, dyed blondish

hair that ghts off the grays,

and one of those faces youcan easily tell how beautiful

she was without the wrin-

kles (not saying shes horrid

with the wrinkles, but).

They were probably the most

well treated customers we

ever had and possibly will

have, since they were the

customers that treated us the

best. i even requested to work

sunday mornings.

once our conversations and

the laugh- ter died down,

theyd say something along

the lines of well catch ya

in a few and then told one

another where they were

candy or other goodies theyd

rip open the bag and give

some to their cashier. said

their goodbyes and seeya

next weeks, and leave as they

entered... holding hands and

smiling, but this time sharing

the burden of pushing a cart.

About six months into this

job, i started noticing a

decline of health in both of

them. they just didnt seem

themselves. wed ask how

they were doing, giving us

a just ne being more con-

cerned about how we were

doing. the misses started

forgetting things more. hed

ask if she got insert product

here, and she would either

say oh no or i dont know.

the mister moved slower andslower.

Jump to three months ago.

her other half didnt walk in

with her. An empty hand. A

not so big smile. oh, maybe

hes just busy or something.

hopefully. she talks to us,

her im guessing Alzheimers

clearer than ever. she starts

repeating things. something

clicked and she decided itwas time for her to go shop-

ping. 15 minutes pass and

she shows up to the front

of the service desk. ipping

through magazines, waiting

going and to meet back here

(the customer service desk) in

15 minutes- usually giving

each other a quick kiss on the

cheek before parting ways.

he went for the groceries

(mostly for beer and junk

food) or hardware, she went

for the cosmetics, clothing, or

health products. each with

their own shopping cart go-

ing separate ways down thewaxed oor.

one of them would some-

times over ex- tend the 15

minute time frame, leaving

the other waiting in-front

of the desk. not that either

of them minded, plus there

were magazines theyd read.

once re united theyd com-

bine their goodies into only

one shopping cart, and if the

goodies didnt all t into onethey would compromise on

what to give us back (he usu-

ally had to compromise a bit

more than she did). A sort of

old timer budgeting. theyd

check out, and if they bought

for him. how do we tell her

she didnt walk in with him?

how do we tell her that sheforgot? we dont know. then a

new cashier a few minutes

later, oblivious to who this

woman is, asks if shes ready

to check out. she says oh yes,

sorry. she said oh yes sorry!

shes checking out! A weak

sigh of relief.

the rest of the week i thought

about her. About them. i con-

vinced myself that hell walkin with her, his hand in hers,

smiling, next sunday. i was

wrong. she does the same

routine as the last sunday.

she waits for her missing

husband. Goddammit, i was

on the verge of tears.

four sundays pass. the hope

of the week of thinking about

them diminishes. she persists

with the same routine. she

waits. she waits until some-one or something tells her its

time to check out and go, her

husband isnt coming. why

must she wait?

i request sunday mornings

off. i ask a coworker that

worked the next sunday

morning i had off about her.

she didnt come in he said.

you sure? you know who

im talking about right?

yeah, she didnt come in.

And so, for some stupid rea-

son ive asked, and still ask,

if either one of them came in

the previous sunday of every

week since then and get the

same no every-time. every

time. the most humblest,

modest, nicest, caring, loving,

and im sure plenty of other

adjectives that are beyond

my vocabulary- couple i

have ever had the chance to

meet are missing. And now

im the one waiting.

A WAITING WIFE

IF THEY BOUGHTCANDY OR OTHERGOODIES THEYDRIP OPEN THE BAGAND GIVE SOME TO

THEIR CASHIER.



10/13

/pics

The Amazonias states of Brazil (Par, Amazonas,

Amap, Acre and Roraima) typically use large

ships for transport between major cities since

there are more rivers than highways. Flights are

available between capitals, but without a good

promotional fare youd pay around 3 times the

price.

So the cheapest resort is to travel like this. Pay

about 80 USD, bring your hammock, sling it up,

and enjoy the ride if you can. The spaces can get

very tight at times, and I had a obese lady swing-

ing in her hammock into my head for a while.

The conditions arent too great, the boat started to

smell like sewage after a while, but many of the

views are incredible. At one moment a speedboat

pulled up alongside the ship and tossed about 10

cases of beer on to the ship, before it sped away.Also along the travels, people throw sacks of

goodies into the water for the native river kids.

People also pollute the rivers heavily by throw-

ing their trash directly into the river rather than


ITAP

24 HOURBOAT RIDEIN BRAZIL


11/13

MULTI-COLOUREDCHICKS IN MANILLAwww.redd.it/vdk52g submitted byUserNameHere

Hatched from Easter eggs, Id suspect.USERNAME

Everyone knows that.USERNAME


12/13

/pics

TOOK A PICTUREOF MY NIECE ONSAFARI TODAYwww.redd.it/vdk52g submitted byUSERNAMEHERE

Your niece looks like Sarah Jessica Parker.USERNAME

Awesome.

Love the use of negative space.USERNAME

A TREEHOPPERI FOUND EARLIERTODAYwww.redd.it/vdk52g submitted byUSERNAMEHERE

Your niece looks like Sarah Jessica Parker.USERNAME

ASKED A FRIENDTO TAKE PHOTOSOF ME SKYDIVING.THIS IS THE ONLYONE HE TOOK.www.redd.it/vdk52g submitted byDAMNROOSTER


13/13


ACCIDENTALWESTERN SCENEwww.redd.it/vdk52g submitted byUSERNAMEHERE

I think it looks like dinosaurs fucking.USERNAME

Looks more like Don Quixote to me >USERNAME

But atsunset.USERNAME

A SUNSET

IN PRAGUE

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