Passions Denied

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--Albuquerque High School: Graduation Night---

"I present to youAlbuquerque High School Graduates of

2008! yelled Principal Ritter. Everyone threw theirgraduation caps in the air, and cheered. Come on mom! No

more pictures! I said smiling for the camera. I had posed for

so many pictures, I was afraid that my face was going to bepermanently stuck like this.

Okay, okay, Im sorry honey, Mom said. She snapped one

more picture and I was finally able to escape. I picked up thetrophies and certificates and walked over to Rose, who was

currently suffering the same torture I had just been through.

Hey Rose! I exclaimed. Rose spun around, her black hairflying behind her. Jess! she exclaimed. I see you are

suffering from the same torture I did, I said giggling at

Roses mom snapping pictures of we two talking.

Yeah Rose said, and then she grabbed my shoulders,

Save me! I laughed, Mrs. Thatcher, Rose and I are gonna


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go see Clyde and Alex, okay? I gave it like a statement. Mrs.

Thatcher smiled and stopped snapping, Okay, see you two

later, she said smiling. She walked over to Mrs. Dixon(mom) and started talking.

Rose beamed. Thank you, thank you! She said. Lets go

find the guys, she said. We walked over to where Clyde and

Alex were talking. Hey Guys! I said beaming. Clyde looked

up and grinned, Hey, he said. Clyde was my boyfriend ever

since junior year. I sat down and put the stuff she was holdingon the ground.

Can you believe it? Senior year is finally over! cried Rose.Wow, who ever thought that Rose Thatcher would be happy

that school is over! Alex said in mock shock. Rose rolled her

eyes. So, what are you guys doing tonight? asked Clyde.

Sleepover to celebrate the end of High School, Jessica said.Girls only, Rose said before Alex and Clyde could say

anything. Jessica! Rose! Time to go! called Mrs. Dixon.

Five more minutes? I asked. Mrs. Dixon rolled her eyes and

nodded.

So, are we still on for our double date tomorrow? asked

Clyde. Of course! Rose and I said together. Clyde smiledand kissed me on the cheek. Jessica Anne Dixon! Get over

here now! mom yelled. Ooh, middle name. We better go

Rose, I said. Rose nodded and stood up. She hugged Alex

and picked up her awards. I did the same and walked toward

the car, beaming.


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Seems perfect doesnt it? Perfect friends, perfect boyfriend,

and perfect life. So when did that whole thing turn sour.

August 12, 2008, PS. the worst day of my life.

Clyde and I were on an argumentagain. How was I

supposed to know? Clyde yelled. Maybe because I told you

a THOUSAND times? I cried. This was awful. I forgot! he

yelled. This argument was because Clyde saw me with

someone else, and immediately thought the worst although it

was my cousin, Christopher. I told you OVER AND OVERTHAT! I yelled.

I already said I was sorry! he yelled. I cant take this

anymore! I yelled. "WH-What do you mean? Clyde asked,

finally calming down. But I was doing anything exceptcalming down, WE ARE OVER! I AM SO SICK OF YOU

NEVER BELIEVING ME! I yelled.

Jess, he started. Save it, only my friends can call me Jess,

I shouted back walking toward the door. "Jessica, Im

SORRY! he yelled after her. She ignored him and walked

out the door, and out of his life.

---Nine Years Later---

Nine years. Nine years of wondering what couldve happened.

Nine years of trying to get over him. Nine years of not

thinking about anyone else but him. You see? Just because of

one outburst, and my big mouth, we were over. The man I


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wanted to marry, just gone. Oh sure, he called plenty of times,

he called Rose, he even called Ashley, my rival.

So, here I am, twenty-seventy years old, a kindergartenteacher, who wouldve thought it? Rose is still my best friend;

she is always there for me. She is also a kindergarten teacher

here, so we are able to spend a lot of time together. Alex is

actually the baseball coach in this school. Its so nice to have

my two best friends working at the same place as I do. See, I

was happy. Friends, family, a good job, what else do I need?But, there was always that one thing I missed. That one thing

that always kept me up late at night, thinking. A gap. That

thing that was always there, driving me crazy. Clyde Bruno.

The man I left nine years ago.

I have the same rotten routine everyday; get up, get dressed,

eat breakfast, and go out. In the school year its go to work,and during breaks, its to go to Roses. That never changes. I

like it like that. Most people will get bored when they do

things the same for so long, but I like being bored, that wayIm always assured that nothing surprising will happen.

However, today was the day where all the teachers had to go

into school, and get the nametags ready, get the desks set up,decorate the classroom, and basically ruin the last stress-free

week of summer vacation. Joy. My alarm clock beeped. I

sighed and stumbled out of bed, and walked into mybathroom, took a shower, and then picked out a white V-Neck

long sleeved shirt with pink sleeves, with a pink star in the


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center, black jeans, and black heels. After fifteen minutes, I

was finished.

I ran out into the kitchen and grabbed a breakfast bar. Oh

yeah, one other thing about my daily rotten routine, is that I

am Always running late. I grabbed my black jacket and my

purse, ran out the door, and into my blue jeep. I drove to Rose

and Alexs house, and beeped three times. Theyre married,

and have two kids, one girl going into kindergarten, and a son

going into first.

Rose ran out while pampering and lecturing James Hey Jess!

Can you believe we have been teaching for two years? she

asked incredibly happy, unlike me. I nodded, I know! Its

amazing! I said. Alice and James were dying to let me bring

them, is that okay? she asked. I nodded, Sure! Is Alex

coming? I asked.

Rose rolled her eyes, He will if he ever gets out of the

shower, she said laughing. Alice opened the car door and got

in the seat in the back, and buckled up, Hi Auntie Jess! she

said excitedly. I smiled, Hey Alice! Are you excited about

starting kindergarten? I asked looking at her from the review

mirror. Yeah! I hope I get you or Mommy! she saidexcitedly.

Hey JJ, I said smiling. I gave him that nickname because

he said he needed a cool nickname when he made it to theNBA. Hey Jess, he said. I was so close to Alice and James,

I helped Alice learn to read, and I helped James throw his first


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free throw. I cant take this anymore, Rose muttered. She

got out of the car and ran into the house. Do you guys know

where he is? I asked. I thought Alex was playing a trick onRose. James and Alice shook their heads. Five minutes later,Rose walked out with Alex, whose hair was still wet, and he

didnt look happy.

I started the car and drove to Albuquerque Elementary, where

the three of us worked. When I got there, I stopped the car

and got out. Rose helped Alice out and Alex helped Jamesout. James automatically ran into the gym, So, you ready

spend the last week of summer vacation stressing out? I

asked Rose. She rolled her eyes and nodded. I followed her up

the steps to the school and we walked inside the airconditioned school. This is where Im gonna go? asked

Alice. Rose nodded.

We walked into the office where Mary and Sarah were at their

computers and had headsets on, and making constant calls to

parents and suppliers and who knows who else. Sarah lookedup, Rose! Jessica! she exclaimed. No way! My Alice is

only this tall! she said putting her hands four feet above the

ground.

Whats your room number? Rose asked me. K09, I said.

Each grade had ten rooms, and the number was your grade

number, and the other two was what room you were in from1-10. Im K10! she said excitedly. That is awesome! I

exclaimed. Rose beamed and she and I walked out of the

mailroom and down the hallway, where we saw a lot of our


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old friends that we hadnt kept with over the summer. We

stopped in front our classrooms and sighed.

You know that once we step foot into these classrooms, we

are no longer, Mom and Auntie, we are Mrs. Black and Miss

Dixon? Rose instructed Alice She frowned and nodded. We

looked at each other and hugged, and then stepped into our

classrooms. After about an hour of constant working, I had

had cleaned the room, put the bookcases together, and put the

books in the bookcases. Auntie Jess, can I help you? Alicecame asking. I nodded and she followed exclaimed. I looked

at my class list and wrote down each name on a name tag that

had rainbows on it for girls and basketballs and baseballs for

boys.

I smiled at as looked at the first girl name. Alice Black. I

continued writing down names, when I finally got down to thelast name, I gasped. What? I asked. I rubbed my eyes and

looked again at the name, but it was the same name: Mike

Bruno. I sighed and stood up. I walked into Roses room.

Wow, it looks amazing! I said. Rose looked up from the

book she was reading with Alice, Thanks, I had some great

help, she said rubbing Alices head. Rose, can I talk to

you? I asked.

She nodded and stood up. We walked into my classroom,

where we sat down at one of the tables. Does Clyde have a

kid? I asked her. Roses jaw dropped. I wasnt surprised

though. I never talked about Clyde, and me asking about hiskid? That was really weird. W-why do you ask? she asked


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still in shock. I stood up and walked over to my desk. I came

back and showed her the paper. Look at the last name, I

said sitting back down. She looked at it and gasped.

She looked at the last name and her jaw nearly dropped to the

floor. L-Let me call Alex, she said taking out her cell

phone. I nodded and put my head in my hands. Itll be okay

girl! What are the odds are that it is Clydes kid? she asked. I

groaned. It was so weird, I mean, I knew that the odds were

slim, but I had a feeling that it was Clydes kid. HeyAlexGood, we are finishedyeah, I was wondering if youhad talked to Clyde lately.he did?!...Oh my she said into

the phone. I hate only hearing half of the conversation. I

looked up and shot her a look.

So anyway Honey, does he have a kid? she asked. Her eyes

got wide. W-what is his name? she asked again. As soon asI saw her face, I felt my world come to end. My safe, safe,

world come to end. Just gone, like kids on a Friday afternoon.

Ill tell you later, she said. Okay, bye, she said. He was

married to a woman named Amanda, and they had a kid

named Mike. They recently got a divorce, and he moved backhere, she said quietly.

I put my head in my hands and I felt Rose wrap her armsaround me. Hey, we are gonna get through this; together,

she said. Alex and I wont let him back into your life, she

soothed. I nodded and sat up. Why dont we go out to lunch

and then go to the GYM? she asked. I smiled. If anyone

knew what makes me feel better, it was Rose. Whenever I am


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upset, I go to the GYM and she and I spend three hours on the

treadmill.

I walked into my apartment and sat down in front of the

television. The news popped up on the screen, and I started

cleaning and making dinner. I was pretty much ignoring the

news, when I heard something interesting. "And in Celebrity

News, the rumors are true! Basketball legend and NBA star

player Clyde Bruno has indeed moved back to our humble

town of Albuquerque! When I heard his name, I immediatelystopped what I was doing. I sat down on the couch and

watched.

He and his charming son, Mike, have moved back and his

son is currently going to Albuquerque Elementary. Currentlywe have no more, I interrupted him by turning off the

television and laid on my back. I stared up at the ceiling,waiting for the cooking timer to go off. At Albuquerque I was

able to keep my same life for a few more days. Sure enough,

the kitchen timer went off and I got up off the couch and

walked into the kitchen.

---Open House---

I drove to Roses house, and beeped three times. The perfect

family. Rose, Alice, Alex and James walked out. Rose was

wearing an aquamarine dress with floral print on it, black

heeled shoes, and Alex was wearing a blue button up shirt andblack jeans. He also teaches gym, as well as coaching the

basketball team. Alice was wearing a dark purple tee shirt


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with a V on it with a black skirt that reached her knees, and

black sandals, and Clyde, not looking very happy, was

wearing a pair of nice black pants, and a green button up shirtwith black sneakers.

Rose got in and sat next to me, You ready to meet your kidsfor the next nine months? she asked. All except one, I

muttered. Rose rubbed my arm, Hey, dont worry. Youll

probably never see Clyde, except for Open House and Parents

Night, she soothed. I started banging my head on the steeringwheel as I heard Alice and James get in. Mommy, why do I

have to wear this? James asked looking at his clothes

disgustingly. "James, dont you want to look nice for Ms.

McDonald? she asked. James shook his head stubbornly.

Alex got in and sat next to James, Five bucks? he asked.

James happily took it and started straightening his shirt. Rose

rolled his eyes, I told you, dont bribe our kids! sheexclaimed. Rose, what harm did it do? Hes happy, and

youre happy, he reasoned.

Rose rolled her eyes, and Alex smiled, knowing this was one

of the few arguments he was going to win. Thank you for my

new clothes Mommy! Alice exclaimed. I smiled. Youre

welcome, honey, Rose said looking at Alice through therearview mirror I started the car and drove the short drive to

Albuquerque Elementary. We got there in less than five

minutes, and everyone got out. Okay, Ill take Alice to her

class and you can take James to his, Rose said to Alex.


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Okay, then Ill take him to the gym, he said. Rose nodded,

Okay, bye guys! she said. Alex and James walked off

toward the first grade wing, while Alice, Rose and I walkedinto the school and toward the Kindergarten hall. I cant

believe all the press! Rose exclaimed. Thats what you get

when you have a superstars son going to this school, I said.

Rose smiled, Maybe he wont even recognize you! she said

optimistically. I gave her a look. The only thing that had

changed about me was that my hair had gotten longer.

Okayso he probably will, but come on, itll just be a strict

parent-teacher relationship, she said. I nodded. She was

right; I wouldn't let it get anything more than that. We walkedinto our classrooms, Alice following me. Find your seat

Alice. The other kids should be here soon, I said putting my

bag down. I grabbed a piece of chalk and wrote my name and

few other things on the board. I got the supply list out of mybag and got ready to meet the kids and their parents. I justhope I was ready to face Clyde again.

When I reached class, students and parents started coming in.

Hello Miss Dixon, a young girl said smiling hugely. I bent

down so that I was at her level, Hi! What is your name? I

asked her. She smiled, My name is Emma, she said. Niceto meet you Emma! We are going to have a lot of fun here!Why dont you go find your seat, I said. She smiled and

walked over to her seat, which was right next to Alice. Awoman came over and smiled warmly, Hi, Im Rachel,

Emmas mom, she said.


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Hi, Im Mrs. Dixon, I said standing up. Nice to meet you,

she said. And this went on. About fifteen more parents came

in five minutes, and I started getting my hopes up, thinkingthat Clyde wasnt going to come. Hi, I can I have a supplylist? A mother asked. I nodded and turned around to get one,

not aware that the guy that I had let out of my life nine years

ago had come in the minute I turned around.

I got the mother the supply list and turned around, and looked

straight into those ocean blue eyes I fell for eleven years ago.He stood up and walked over to me, Jess? he asked. Its

Miss Dixon, I hissed. Sorry, Miss Dixon. How have you

been? he asked smiling. Fine, I lied. I wasnt about to look

or act like I wanted to see him. Even though I knew this was

the moment I had been waiting for since we broke up. Clyde

looked around awkwardly. Soumdo you have any paperwork I need? he asked.

I blushed slightly at this, I had been so distracted by him I had

forgotten that I was a teacher and he was a parent. I turned

around and got a supply list, not letting him see my pink

cheeks, and turned back around. There you go, I said So,Kindergarten teacher, huh? I thought you wanted to be a

scientist, he said. I sighed. Yeah, well, I found I really like

kids, I said in a monotone. I wasnt about to let this guy back

in my life again. Clyde frowned. He looked like he was about

to say something, when a boy that looked almost exactly like


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him came up. He had the same hair, same face; the only thing

that was different was that he had chocolate brown eyes.

Hi! he said excitedly, Are you Miss DixDix, he said

struggling with my name. I giggled and bent down until I was

at his eye level, Im Miss Dixon I said. He smiled the exact

same smile that captured my heart that day eleven years ago.

So, where are your parents? I asked pretending I didnt

realize he looked exactly like Clyde.

This is my daddy! he said excitedly. My mommy went

away, he said, his expression turning depressed. I felt my

heart drop, Oh, Im sorry, I said sincerely. Mike leaned up

against Clydes leg and buried his face in his leg. I stood up,

Im sorry, I didnt, Clyde interrupted me. Its fine. Youdidnt know, he said picking up Mike. Right buddy? he

asked. Mike looked up and smiled, Yeah, he said. Its still

a sore subject, he whispered to me. I imagine it is. I

remember when my parents divorced, I couldnt talk about it

either, and I was twelve, I said.

Clyde smiled, Then youll probably be the perfect teacher for

Mike, he said. I nodded, Ill try, I said. Clyde smiled. I

giggled. Wait. Stop. Rewind. Freeze. WHAT AM I DOING?!

I am being nice to him! This was notpart of the plan! I cant

let him into my life! All it can lead to is trouble. Clyde looked

down at his watch, Wow, we better go. Its almost eight, he


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said. Okay, Ill see you on Monday, Mike, I said to him. He

smiled and waved as Clyde walked out of the room. Thirty

minutes after Clyde left, I was in Roses room talking. More

like I was talking and she was listening.

And then I was nice to him! I mean, this cant happen again!

I refuse to let it happen again! I exclaimed, pacing.

JESSICA! she exclaimed, finally getting me to stop.

What? I asked finally standing in one spot. Just becauseyou are nice to Clyde, doesnt mean that you guys are gonna

get married! she exclaimed. You can just be friends, you

know that right? she asked, sitting down at one of the tables.

I sat down across from her, Yeah, but it what if we become

more than friends?! I asked.

Jess. You arent eighteen anymore! You are a grown woman,

he is a grown man! she pointed out. I sighed, But I dont

want to be friends or more than friends or anything like that! I

want to go back to my nice, safe, life. Before he came back!

I exclaimed. Rose sighed, Jess, your life couldnt stay the

same forever! Something was bound to happen sooner or later

that was going to shake it up, she said. But why? I asked,

Why cant someones life just stay the way they like it? I

dont knowmaybe it was fate, she said. I hate fate, I

muttered slamming my head on the table. Rose sighed. I could

tell she was exasperated. What? I asked picking my head


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up. Jess. You dont hate fate. I dont even believe you hate

Clyde, she said.

Yes I do! I exclaimed. Then why are you making such a

big deal out of this? she asked. Because I dont want him

back in my life! I exclaimed. See? Look, if you really hated

Clyde. You wouldnt care less about him! she exclaimed. I

looked around. I knew she was right. But I wasnt about to

admit it, even though he was all I thought about. My firstthought in the morning, and the last thought at night, and

every other thought in between. I couldnt go anywhere

without seeing something that reminded him of me. Its

complicated. I wanted to hate him. I desperately wanted to

hate him. But I couldnt.

Not really, I lied. Rose sighed, Fine. But sooner or later,

you need to realize that not only can life stay the same, but

you cant lie to anyone. Especially yourself, she said. She

sighed and packed up her stuff. I followed her as she walked

out the door. I leaned against the wall. It's complicated, I

muttered. I walked out to the car, and went home, thinking of

nothing except Clyde.

---First day of School---

Those three days after Open House flew by. And of course,

who did I think of that entire time? Clyde Bruno. Why do I let


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this man control my life? I looked at the clock, it said 7:45.

Uh Oh! I exclaimed. I dressed, grabbed my bag and ran out

the door. Luckily for me, Rose and Alex just got their own caryesterday, so I could just head off to school.

An hour later, kids starting coming into school with their

parents. Parents of Kindergarteners were allowed to stay the

first day to help their kids get used to Elementary school, the

one thing I was not looking forward to. I was writing on the

board when I heard a little voice. Hi Miss Dixon! I smiledand turned around, seeing the five year old boy. He was

wearing a basketball jersey that said his name on it, jeans, and

black sneakers. His short light brown hair was all over his

head.

Hi Mike! I said kneeling down to his level. Is your

Daddy- I was about to ask him when Clyde ran in. Mike!You were supposed to wait for me! he exclaimed jogging

over to him. Im sorry Daddy, he said. I stood up and

brushed myself off. Im sorry about him, he was really

excited about seeing you, he explained. Thats fine, I said,

Are you staying today? I asked. Clyde smiled and nodded,

I thought it might be a good idea, he said.

Clyde seemed to be in deep thought about something. Clyde?

You okay? I asked. He seemed to be shaken from his day

dream, Huh, oh yeah, he said. Mike started pulling on his

shirt, Come on Daddy! he exclaimed. Hold on a second

Mike, Clyde said. Come on Daddy! he repeated

impatiently. Mike! Hold on! he said frustrated. Thats


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alright Clyde, I have to start teaching soon, I said. Clyde

seemed disappointed. Did he actually want to talk to me??

Maybe I am overreactingyeah, right.

Clyde sat down next to Mikes seat, and I waited a couple

more minutes before starting. The bell rang, signaling the day

to start. Everyone went quiet, and I walked to the front of the

room. Good morning class and parents. My name is Miss

Dixon I said. I was greeted by a wave of "Good Morning

Miss Dixon". I smiled. Okay, first, why dont we all stand upand introduce ourselves, and then we can introduce our

mommies and daddies, and I tell us what their job is. Any

Questions? I asked, knowing Alice would raise her hand.

Sure enough, she did.

Alice? I asked. What if our Mommy or Daddy isnt here?

she asked. Well, you can tell us what they do anyway,right? I asked. She nodded. I smiled. Okay, ready? I asked.

I pointed to a girl. She stood up and smiled. My name is

Ashley, this is my Mommy, and she is a.shink, she said,

mispronouncing shrink. You mean shrink? I asked. She

grinned and nodded. I pointed to Alice. My name is Alice,

and my mommy and daddy both work here! My mommy is a

teacher and my daddy teaches gym, she said. Clyde seemedinterested by Alice. He obviously knew she was talking about

Alex and Rose. He smiled when she said Alex was teaching

gym. I even heard him mutter, Good old Alex.

What does your Mommy teach? Ashley asked.

Kindergarten, she said. Rose had told me she had been


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practicing saying Kindergarten. Cool! Ashley exclaimed.

Okay, lets move on, I said smiling. I went around the

room, and finally I pointed to Mike. He smiled. My name isMike, and my daddy plays basketball! he said excitedly.What kind of job isthat? A boy named Bryan asked. Mike

smiled, He plays in the ABC! he said instead of NBA. I

think you mean the NBA, Clyde said. Mike nodded, Thats

what I said! he said indignantly. Bryan seemed to know what

the NBA was, he sat back down. Bryan, would you please

say you are sorry to Mike? I asked.

Sorry Mike he said quietly. Sorry Mr. Mike Daddy, he

said. His mom seemed shocked. Okay, now that we are done.

We are gonna give your Mommies and Daddies homework, I

said. Everyone laughed, except Alice. She looked like she was

about to cry. I felt bad for Alice. I never even realized that, of

course, Rose or Alex couldnt be there. These are little cardsthat you or parents can fill out, and then you can give them tome, I said. I walked over to Alice. Hey Alice, can I talk to

you? I asked her.

Sure Miss Dixon, she said. I walked over to my desk and

sat down. Alice walked over. Im sorry Rose or Alex

couldnt be here, I said softly. It's not fair! All the otherkids have their mommies here! she said upset. I frowned, I

know, but Im sure Rose and Alex will be happy to do it after

school, I said. She wiped her eyes, But its not the same!

she said. I frowned, Maybe I could help, I said. What do

you mean? she asked. Well, who taught you to read? I

asked. She pointed to me. Who takes you to the bookstore?


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I asked. She pointed to me. See, Im sure I could answer a

few of the questions, I said. Alice smiled and hugged me. I

hugged her back.

Finally, is there anything else I need to know? Like is

something you dont like to talk about or something? I asked

Alice. She shook her head. I smiled, Okay, then we are

done, I said. Alice smiled and hugged me one more time and

walked over her seat and started talking to Ashley. I picked up

my phone and called Rose.

R: Mrs. Black

J: Hey, its me.

R: Whats up Jess?

J: Well, I completely forgot that of course you or Alex

couldnt be here, so Alice might be upset after school because

you weren't here.

R: Oh my gosh, I never even thought about that! Is she okay?

J: Shes fine now; I was able to help her out with what wewere doing. Youre not mad at me, right?

R: Of course not! Ill call Alex and make sure that he knows.

J: Thanks. Sorry again. Bye.


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R: Bye.

I hung up the phone, relieved that Rose wasnt mad at me. Iwalked to the front of the class. Everyone done? I asked.

They all nodded. Okay, now, I want you to draw a picture of

your favorite room inside your house, I said. I passed a

piece of paper to all the kids, then when to the boxes that had

all the colors in one. I put one on each pod.

When you are done with your drawing, you can come showme, I said. I walked over to my desk and went on my

computer and did attendance and checked my e-mail. This

went on for about fifteen minutes, when Mike was last. Hehanded me the paper. Lets see it, I said grinning. I turned

my chair so I was next to him. Is this your TV? I asked,

pointing to a big black blob that took up most of the paper. He

nodded. Is this your couch? I asked. He nodded.

What is this? I asked pointing to a square that had two

heads in it. One had blonde hair; the other had long black hair.It was me. Thats a picture my daddy put it up. Thats him,

and a girl named Jessica he said. Oh I said.

I couldnt believe it! Clyde had a picture of us hanging in hishouse! Did Amanda know? Was that the reason she divorced

him?? Am I responsible??? Yeah! Thats it! Mike said. Mydaddy put it up after my mommy left, he said. Hey! So I

wasnt responsible! You did a very good job! Do you mind if

I keep this until after lunch? I asked.


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He nodded and walked back to Clyde. Clyde looked at me. He

looked really worried, like a huge secret had been told. I

looked up at the clocked, which said 11:59. YES! Lunch time!I walked up to the front of the classes. Okay class, its lunchtime. How many of you brought lunch from home? she

asked. Every kid raised their hand. I giggled. Well then, I

guess its time to go to the lunch room, I said.

I took the kids down to the cafeteria, and only one girl forgot

her lunch! Luckily, her mom was here, so she was able tohelp. I sat down at my desk. I picked up the picture andlooked at it closely. There was no doubt. That was me. Hey

Jess! a chipper voice said from the door.

I looked up and smiled, Hey Rose, I said. She walked over

to my desk and saw the picture. Awww! Who drew this?

she asked. Mike Bruno I said. Th-that looks like you! sheexclaimed pointing to the picture frame. This is awesome!

she exclaimed excitedly. I looked up. How is this possible in

any way? I asked. Because! That means that you guys are

meant to be together! she said. Rose, I told you. I dont

want to get back together with him, I said.

Why? she asked. Wow. Stop and Stare. This was a newquestion. Yeah, why Jess? Why? I dont know, I admitted.

See? Now, you need to realize your feelings, she said.

Before it's too late. She walked out of the room, and I went

back to studying the picture.


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Why. Only three letters. So how can that small word

dramatically change my thoughts? How can it make my

whole world turn upside down more than it already is? Firstit's upside down, now it's more upside down! I didnt think itwas possible!! I need to thinkno. Thinking is what got me

into this. Thinking is what made me miserable in the firstplace! Thinking is the reason that I broke up with Clydeor

not thinking is the reason I broke up with Clyde. OrI AM

SO CONFUSED!!!

The rest of the day crawled slower than a snail running a 10

kilometer race. Finally, the bell rang at 3 PM and everyone

filed out. Everyone that is, except Clyde and Mike. Well,

actually, Mike ran out to the playground and Clyde stayed. I

walked to my desk and sat down at the computer, doing my

best to ignore Clydes eyes looking at me. After about five

minutes, Clyde walked over. Im sorry, he said. I looked upsharply. What? I asked. Im sorry that Alex drew that

picture. I never expected him to remember, he said

nervously. The NBA superstar isnervous? I asked. No,

Im not nervous, Im justconcerned, he said.

I chuckled. Just like old times, I said. Theres that smile,

he said touching my chin. The moment he touched my chin, Icouldnt explain it. A warm glow flew up my spine, making

me feel like the moon, when it is the brightest thing in the

sky. Lame, I know, but it is true. I realized what was goingon. UmI better go, I said. Clyde took his hand away.

Yeah, me too. I guess Ill see you soon, he said. I nodded

and gathered my stuff. Clyde sighed and walked out the door.


23/47

The moment he was out of my sight, I started to cry. One

minute my heart is pouncing, and the next I am crying my

eyes out. I knew what was happening. I heard Clyde, Alexand Rose talk.

Clyde? Rose whispered. Alex! Clyde exclaimed. I went

to look from the glass in the classroom. He and Alex did their

secret handshake, and I giggled. So, how does it feel to be

with the old crew? Alex asked. Great! Its nice to see you

two again! he exclaimed. And Jessica? Alex asked. Clyde blushed. Uh huhdid you feel anything? Alex asked,

grinning. ALEX! Rose exclaimed. What?! he asked.

Okay, bye dude, Alex said, oblivious to anything he said.

I walked to my car and got in, but I didnt go anywhere,

because tears were still streaming down my face. I leaned my

head against the steering wheel and waited for the tears tostop. Finally, after about five minutes, I could see, and I

started up my car. I drove the quick ride home and went

inside. I sat down at the computer and logged on to Yahoo!

Messenger. I didn't feel like it but, I was bored, so clicked

accept.

BasketballMan: Hey.Kindergarten tec: Hi.BasketballMan:I know I dont know you at allbut.. you're okay?

Kindergarten tec: I guess my old flame came back to where I

live and I want to see him again BasketballMan: Oooh,thats roughI know how you feel. Kindergarten tec: what

happened?BasketballMan: basically the same as you, only I


24/47

came backKindergarten tec: I guess we are two of a kind!

BasketballMan: I guess we are.

I sighed. It was so weird, I didnt even know this guy, and yet,

I could just open up to him. Okay, call me crazy, but I stayed

up until twelve talking to this mysterious person. I found out

he has a son, he used to play basketball in high school, and he

was recently divorced. I told him that I was single, no kids.

We talked about random things, and I really felt like I could

connect with him. For five hours, I didnt think about Clyde,and I liked that. I didnt have any worries. All I thought about

was getting know this guy better. I looked up at the clock and

gasped. Kindergarten Tec: OMG! I gotta go!BasketballMan: NO STAY!!!! Kindergarten Tec: I HAVE

TO! BasketballMan: okay! Bye! Kindergarten Tec has left

this chat I turned of the computer and went upstairs to change

into my pajamas. I crawled into bed and fell asleep faster thanI have in a long time.

I woke up to my alarm clock blaring in my ear. Five more

minutes, I muttered. However, my alarm didnt seem to

agree. It continued to blare in my ear. I sighed and hit myalarm clock until I found the button to shut off the alarm. I

stumbled into my bathroom and took a shower. After aboutfifteen minutes, I felt much more awake. I put on a pink tank

top skirt, and a black knee length skirt with black heels. I left

my hair down to save time, and put on a black jacket. I ran out

the door, skipping breakfast yet again, and ran to my car. I

drove to the school just as the clock said eight. I walked into

school, seeing a lot of kids hanging out in front of their


25/47

classrooms. I walked into my classroom and turned on the

light. I set my stuff down and turned on my computer. I was

ready for the day to start.

"By the way, I arranged a date for you." Rose told me. "Who

said I need one??" I replied. She sounded shocked. Then I told

her about my mysterious messenger man. Okay, was it just

me, or was Rose just notexcited about my news? I mean, I

know it sounds odd that I met someone online, but shes my

best friend! The bell for the class to come in shook mythoughts. I walked over and opened the door; letting the kidscome in. Hi Miss Dix! came a tiny voice. I looked down

and saw Mike wearing a white baseball shirt with red sleeves

and blue jeans.

My breath hitched in my throat. That outfitit looked so

familiar.Hedworn it. It felt so odd to remember somethingthat had happened so many years ago, and even more odd toremember what he had been wearing. No Jessica, dont think

about him. Please, not today.

The day passed SO slowly. Luckily, since the parents werent

allowed to come today since it was the second day; that meant

neither was Clyde. But that didnt mean that I didnt thinkabout him. Oh no, I thought about him every time I looked atMike. Thank God he doesnt have the same eyes, or I would

just die. Finally, it was twelve, and time for the kids to go tolunch. Everyone has their lunch, right? I asked. Mike

looked up fearfully after he had gone through his backpack,


26/47

and the minute I saw his face, I knew that he had forgotten his

lunch. My hopes that I wouldnt see Clyde Bruno were gone...

I walked over to Mike, plastering a smile on my face. Hey

Mike, whats wrong? I asked, bending down so I was at his

height, looking straight into his fearful blue eyes. My lunch!

Its not here! I know my daddy packed it! he cried. I picked

up his backpack and looked around in every single pocket that

the backpack had. Unfortunately, there was no lunch box in

sight. I closed my eyes for a second. What had I done todeserve this? All I wanted was one day, one day, without

Clyde Bruno interfering. And now, I had no choice but to call

him.

Im sorry Ms. Dix! I really didnt mean to forget my lunch!

he said fearfully. Oh no! Im sorry Mike! Im not mad at

you, I assured him. Lets go call your dad and he can bringyou money or lunch. The grin returned to Mikes face and I

led him over to my desk.

Whats your daddys phone number? I asked him. Do you

know? 5557892, he said. 555-7892, thatll be easy to

remember. Wait, hold on Jessica! Why would you want to

remember his cell phone number? It's not like you would everneed to call him againunlessyou needed to call him if

Alex forgets his lunch again.yeah! That would definitely be

a good reason. Excuses! Excuses!

I dialed his number, and held the phone that was currentlyshaking because of my hand, up to my ear. Hello? came his


27/47

voice. Hey Mr. Bruno, its Miss- I was cut off. Mr. Bruno?

Since when are we formal? he asked, and by his tone I could

tell he was flirting. Hey Mike, go back to your seat, Ill tellyour dad, I told Mike. He nodded and went back to his seat.

Would you shut it? I hissed. I cant act like youre my

friend to you and not all the other parents! Whoa babe, are

you saying were not friends? Then what are we? he asked

flirtatiously. I rolled my eyes, Nothing. Anyway, I called

because Mike forgot his lunch and I need you to bring himsomething. Fineif I can bring it to the classroom, he said,

in the same flirtatious tone. What?! I hissed. You heard

me. I sighed, Fine, I grumbled. Ill be there in five

minutes. I heard a click and sighed. Mike, youre dad is

bringing lunch, I said. I sighed as I leaned back. Okay, there

is nothing to worry about, just because hes coming doesnt

mean anythings gonna happen! Oh, how wrong I was.

Just like clockwork, Clyde arrived into the classroom,

carrying a lunchbox. I eyed him curiously...he was smirking.This cant be good. Okay class! You guys are going to go

into Mrs. McKessies class and then go down to lunch withher. Have a good lunch! I waved to them. As they walked

out, I noticed Clyde made no signs of leaving. I stood at thewhiteboard, cleaning it off. All of the sudden, I felt his eyes

burning my back. What are you doing? I asked, not

stopping. Nothing he said.

Why did you want to come? I asked, erasing the already

erased board. The boards already erased, Babe, he


28/47

muttered. I sighed and spun around to face him. Yeah, big

mistake, because now, I could see the smile, and I could see

his beautiful eyes. Because I wanted to see you, he said,caressing my face. I leaned up against the white board.Mistake number two. Now, he could lean up against me.

Why are you doing this? I repeated. Im only doing what

Ive wanted to do for nine years, he murmured, coming

closer to me. We cant do this, I said, although I couldnt

stop myself. They could be back any minute.

They just went to lunch, they wont be back for a half an

hour, he said. He was so close to me I could feel his breath

on my face. I couldnt believe this was happening. This was

what I had been waiting for since we broke up. What shocked

me the most was that, even though I had nervousness that the

kids would see, anger that he was coming back after nine

years, the dominant feeling, was.excitement. I was reallyexcited! I mean, I was just about to kiss Clyde Bruno. My

Clyde. I honestly couldnt tell which. I found myself leaning

forward. What is going on with me?? I hate him, dont I? We

broke up and he went on with his life, while I was stuck livingin the past!! He got married to a beautiful woman and had a

kid and I havent even been on a date! So why am I about to

kiss him??

Clyde looked at me, I know youre mad at me Jess, but I also

know you want to kiss me, he said, staring at me, intently, as

if reading my mind. I shook my head, which was hard, sincethere wasnt much room. Are you sure? he asked. I sighed,

No I said. It was true, I wasnt sure. Clyde smiled softly,


29/47

I see it in your eyes Jess. I know that you want to do this, but

youre afraid and still mad at me. I knew I was caught up in

the moment. I knew that tomorrow I would wake up and hitmyself a million times. I knew that I would go home and cryabout the consequences I knew would come because of what I

was about to say. I bit my lip. Kiss me.

His hand was still on my cheek. I looked into his blue eyes

and I couldnt stop myself, even if I had wanted to. But I

didnt. And that scared the crap out of me. What was I gettinginto? Would we become a couple again? Would I find out hehasnt changed? I immediately stopped thinking anything bad

that might happen, because in the middle of my stressful

thought, I felt a pair of lips on mine. The lips seemed foreign,

but I knew they werent. I was kissing Clyde Bruno. It was

amazing. Not just because he was a great kisser (because he

is), but because I felt better than I had in a long time. Betterthan when I graduated college, better when I got my first job,better than when I found out I was Jamess godmother, better

than all of that. It was a feeling I knew I had experienced

before, because it felt familiar. Finally, we had to pull away,only because the need for air was at a maximum. The minute I

pulled away, I started to think clearly, which was the last

thing I wanted to be doing, because the minute I startedthinking clearly, the minute my heart started to drop.

Stop Jessica! What are you getting yourself into??

I pulled away, Clyde, we cant! I said. What do you

mean? he asked, and I could tell he was hurt. You just got


30/47

off a divorce, and I havent dated for nine years, we are both

on rebound! I exclaimed, walking over to my desk. But I-

Clyde, pleaselets justleave it while we still can Isaid, feeling tears drip down my cheeks. Next thing I knew, Ifelt two strong arms wrap around me, I know you dont want

that Jess, he whispered. I pushed away from him, Yes I do,

I murmured. Okay, he said. If thats what you really want,

then we wont go farther than friends. I could hear the hurt in

his voice. Thank you, I whispered. See you later Jessica,

he said. Bye Clyde, I cried. I heard his footsteps fade andcollapsed into my chair. What have I done?

I was walkingor limping whateverinto Rose's classroom,

crying obviously. "What happened??" She asked. "I kissed

him" I said in a broken voice. "Okay, when you came in, I

was expecting you to say a million things. 99% of my ideas

had something to do with the fact that you were going to talkabout how much you hated Clyde. The other 1% I thoughtmaybe one of my kids had done something. But never in my

wildest dreams would I have figured you would come insaying, I kissed him and by the way, who did you kiss?" she

said. Oh, no one important. Just CLYDE BRUNO! I yelled,

before collapsing to tears. You kissed Clyde?! She asked,

while her eyes grew twice their normal size. She was a jerk!She thought "She had done it! She did exactly what I had

been wanting for nine years. But there was something

bugging me. What happened? Why was she crying? Jessica

kissing Clyde Bolton just didnt seem like something youcried at!" What did you do? She prompted gently. I told

him that we couldnt do thisI told him it was better to be


31/47

friendsI-I got scared, Rose, I said. I had done it again. I

had put my brain in front of my heart, and that only leads to

pain.

I know what youre gonna say, Rose. Youre gonna say that

I shouldnt have done that, and I shouldve learned from last

time- I said. No Im not. She stated. I think what you did

waswisestupid maybe, but wise. I mean, you dont want

to not go out with him, but you made the better choice and

decided to put yourself in front of him for once, She said. Atleast one on my side.

Exactly!!! I said happily. Thats exactly what I wasthinking. A smile came out of my face. I think thats great,

Jess, She said. I hugged her lightly and grinned. Ill see you

later! I said, walking out.

The school day seemed to fly by, probably because I was

focused on not focusing on Clyde. It didnt really work,

because all I could think about was that kiss. It had beenamazingbut what was I supposed to do now? I couldnt go

back to Clyde, not after what I had said. I had lied. I know,big shocker. But I couldnt think of anything else I couldve

done! I mean, sure; I couldve let him kiss me, and then wewouldve gotten together, and I would be happy again. But

something feltwrong, almost like it would be too perfect. I

mean, here I am.Ibroke up with Clyde over a fight. Iyelledat him and told him to get out of my life. Ilet him slip away

from under my fingers and go out with a gorgeous actress. Imade my life a living heck. So, in my opinion, I didnt


32/47

deserve Clyde Bolton. He was too good for me. I mean, sure.

I hated him. I absolutely did. Before. But now, I didnt know

what to think. I mean, sure. He had left and gotten marriedand had a kid, but I really couldnt blame him any more. He

had tried to get me back and I had been stubborn. I realized

then that it wasnt his fault my life had been horrible for thelast nine years. It was mine. And you can bet that didnt make

me feel any better.

Somehow, during my depressing thoughts, I had gotten to thecar, started it, and drove home, because before I knew it, I

was sitting in front of my small house. I walked up the steps

and opened the door, setting my bag down. I turned on the

computer and my IM immediately popped up.

BasketballMan: Hey. Long time no talk

Kindergarten Tec: Its been a day

BasketballMan: I guess Im not used to my friends being

away during the day. Most of them work at home.

Kindergarten Tec: Lucky them.

BasketballMan: What do you do?

Kindergarten Tec: Kindergarten teacher

Mystery Man (I had given him that nickname since I couldnt

get up the nerve to ask him his name) didnt answer for


33/47

awhile. I wondered if I had somehow offended him, but I

couldnt figure a decent reason why, unless he had some long

time grudge against kindergarten teacher.

Kindergarten Tec: Hello?

BasketballMan: Can I ask you what your name is?

I was just about to type my name into the text box when I got

a conference invite from Rose. The message was:

CLICK ACCEPT! I HAVE A PLAN! CLICK NOOW!!!

Kindergarten Tec:sorry I gottaone of my friends needs me

BasketballMan: No

I clicked accept and an already busy chat room popped up. I

saw Rose and Alex were already in the chat room.

Gymroxs: Hey Jess!!

ScienceRox:Hey honey!

Gymroxs: U OK?

Kindergarten Tec: Im finehating myself for getting into

this messbut fine


34/47

ScienceRox: Okay, kids. Enough. Can I tell my plan now???

Gym-roxs: Thats my Rose

Kindergarten Tec: Sure is

Scienceroxs: Jesswhat if you had a boyfriend?

Kindergarten Tec: (Dies laughing)

Kindergarten Tec: crapyou were serious?!

Scienceroxs: YES! Look, I have this friend, his name isBradI think hes perfect for you.

Kindergarten Tec: How does this help me with Clyde????

Sciencerox: 2 possible ways: 1: He could get jealous. 2: You

may actually like Brad and forget about Clyde

Kindergarten Tec: I guess soI meanhe is sweet?

Scienceroxs: one of the sweetest

Scienceroxs: he sings too! ;-)

Kindergarten Tec: .what could one date hurt?


35/47

Scienceroxs: So you meant it Gabby? Youll go on a date

with him?!

Kindergarten Tec: I guess sobut I feel bad about using

Brad

Scienceroxs: Trust me. When you see him youll realize

youre not using him.

Kindergarten Tec: Really?

Scienceroxs: Oh yeah. :)

Kindergarten Tec: Okayokaytell me more tomorrow

Scienceroxs: okay! Bye Jess!

---The Next Day---

I walked into school, wearing a t-shirt and jeans. Thank God

for casual Fridays. I was kind of excited about learning moreabout Bradbut I was also afraid. What if I didend up liking

Brad more than Clyde? Ha-ha. Like that was possible. Butwhat if it was? No, lets not think about that right now. Lets

just think about- A really hot guy, I breathed as I walked

into Roses classroom and saw the one of the cutest guys Ive

ever seen. Okay, when I walked into Roses classroom so she

could tell me about Brad, I expected a major girl-talk session,

and hopefully a picture. I did notexpect a hot guy standingthere, talking to Rose. I wasnt 100 sure the guy was Brad, but


36/47

if he wasnt, then Brad was just gonna wait, because this guy

was mine.

I knocked on the door softly and Rose looked up. She said

something to the guy and pointed to me. He turned around

and started at me. I couldnt explain what happened when he

looked at me. I feltweird There was something there, I

could feel it. He had piercing blue eyes, but they werent

intimidating. They seemed to have a weird affect on me, like

they were calming me down after nine years. He had shortbrown hair that looked like it at been gelled at some point thismorning. Come on in Jess, Rose said, smirking slightly at

me. I knew that look; that was the You look fine, stop being a

nerd and come talk to the hot guy look. Are you sure, I

dont want to interrupt, I said, smiling sweetly. Despite the

sweet smile, my eyes said Shut up, I cant move because the

guy is so cute. No, not at all, the guy said, smiling, Wewere just talking about you.

Oh, great. Its good to know that your best friend and a cute

guy have been talking about you without you knowing.

Especially when that said friend knows everything about you.Through my disturbing thoughts, I grinned and walked over

to him. Hey, Im Brad, he said, holding out his hand.Jessica, I said, shaking it, nice to meet you

SoRose said you sing? he asked me. I blushed. I mean,

come on, I hadnt sung since High School, but technically, I

did sing. If singing in the shower and the car counts.Sometimes, I murmured. What kind of music? he

asked. He seemed genuinely interested. Wow. This was new.


37/47

Here was a guy who liked music enough to actually want to

have an entire conversation about it. We didnt just talk about

musicals either. We talked about everything; high school,college, friends, family, pretty much anything you could talkabout with a person. By 8:15 AM I knew everything about

Brad Fields I possibly could, and he knew as much as Rose

did a bout me, and shed known me for eleven years. The

funny thing about Brad was that I felt like I could talk to him

about anything, even Clyde. Not that I did. Believe it or not, I

didnt even think about Clyde for thirty minutes.

I know that sounds dumb, but cmon; Clyde Bruno had been

the first, last, and in between thoughts in my head for the lasteleven years. I couldnt remember a time when I wasnt

thinking about him. So now, here I was, not thinking about

the guy I swore I was going to marry. My thoughts were now

swirling madly over this cute, sweet, guy that I barely knew.What does this mean? Could I actually be losing my feelingsfor Clyde? And then the moment came Brad asked me out and

I accepted.

---Friday: Date Day---

Rose arrived at my door at 5:30 on Friday, a bag hanging onher arm that looked strangely beautiful. It was big and bulky

and clanked when she moved it. Whatever was in there wasnt

a teddy bear, I could guarantee myself that. What is in that

bag? I asked, pointing to the bag. Rose went on to list every

didnt use half the things she was listing.beauty item known

to man. Now, lets get something straight. Rose wasnta girly


38/47

girl. Never had been, never will be. The only time I had ever

seen her freak out about how she looked was on her wedding

day, and even then she added little make up.

Rose! Why are we using so many things? I asked,

interrupting her thorough list. Because this is your first date

in nine years! I wanna make sure you look perfect! she said

enthusiastically. What happened to natural beauty? I asked.

That went out the window when you said yes to Brad, she

said. I sighed, Is this going to hurt? I asked. Probably, shesaid, dragging me upstairs into my bedroom, where she

emptied the contents of the bag. Wow. I had no idea a bag

that little could hold so much stuff! There were clothes and

hair products and make up and lotions, and nail polishes and

bath stuff and stuff I had NO idea how to use.

Dont worry, she giggled. Ashley, my manicure, told mehow to use all of these things. I nodded hesitantly. You

know this is only a date right? I asked, confirming. Two

hours later I had been plucked, moisturized, painted, glossed

and just about anything else you could do to your body. My

hair was straightened and re-curled at the bottom. I had moremake-up on than Id ever had on in my life, and I felt like my

face was 10 pounds heavier thanks to everything I had on. Ihad on a low cut black long sleeved shirt and a blue denim

pleated mini skirt with black 2 inch heels to, as Rose said,

complete the outfit.

Even though I would never admit it, I looked amazing. Now,lets get something straight, I would neverput this much work


39/47

into my appearance everyday like some women, but for a one-

night thing, I could live with it. Some of the blemishes on my

face that always hated were now vanished and now I wasactually comfortable in my own skin.

Rosethis is I ran out of time to compliment her magic,

because my door rang and she and I looked at each other. Go

get it! she urged. We can talk later! Go! She shoved me

down the stairs and then disappeared back into my room. I

sighed as I opened the door. There was Brad, wearing a whitelong sleeved button up shirt with the sleeves pushed up

slightly and blue denim jeans. A simple outfit. He definitely

didnt spend two hours getting ready, for which I was envious

of.

Wow was his first word when he saw me. I began to get

self conscious. Did it really look as bad as I thought it was?You look amazing, he said. Guess not. Thank goodness.

These are for you, he said, handing me a dozen roses, my

favorite kind of flower. Wow I breathed, Theyre

beautiful. He grinned, seeming proud with himself. Why

dont you come in for a minute while I put these in a vase? I

asked, stepping aside to give him room. He nodded, following

me inside.

I walked into the kitchen, putting some water in the vase that

was the only thing that was ever on my kitchen table. I put theflowers in the vase, and I wrote a quick note to Rose. Yes,

these are from Brad. Dont scream too loud, the neighbors


40/47

might freak out. Arent they beautiful! JessYou ready? he

asked, holding out his hand.

I took his hand and he led me to his car, which, by the

outside, looked pretty new. Once we got in, he started talking.

Do you like Italian? he asked, starting up the car. I love

it! I said enthusiastically. Great, because thats where we

have reservations, he said, grinning. I grinned, leaning back,

watching him drive for a couple minutes. The conversation

soon started flowing, replacing the silence. It wasnt awkwardat all, which surprised me. This was starting out to be an

amazing night.

---After Dinner---

Cmon! he whined, grinning, Why wont you tell me? He

and I were walking out of the restaurant. Half way throughdinner he and I had started playing what is your favorite?

However, I refused to admit who my favorite actor was.No! I said, slapping him playfully. I said that I would tell

you when I could trust you more. You're willing to tell me

youre deepest fear on the first date, but you wont tell me

your favorite actor? he asked, raising one eyebrow. I nodded.

Yep, thats right, I said, proudly. Youre definitely one ofa kind, Dixon, he said, smirking.

That better be a good thing, I giggled. It is, he said,

grinning down at me. I returned the grin, looking up at him.All of the sudden, he had his hand on my cheek and wasleaning toward me, closing his eyes slowly. Heres the even


41/47

more shocking part: I WAS DOING IT TOO! Me! I was

about to kiss Brad! As our lips connected, I felt wonderful.

Actually, I felt better than wonderful, but my mind couldntthink of a better adjective at that time. I grinned against hiskiss and snaked my arms around his neck, feeling him do the

same to my waist. It felt weird, though, kissing in front of arestaurant, but it felt so good that I didnt want to stop. And

that was feeling I was willing to get used to.

---Three months passed---

I was seriously in love with Brad. Forgetting Clyde was now

easy. Life became better, Brad's dates were fun and full ofpassionate kissing, I went to his house, saw his mom and she

was a really fashionable lady, No wonder Brad's dresses were

always awesome.

This was a conversation between Rose and me in her

classroom before school, "I started regretting letting you two

know each other. You're always with him and when once in a

while you're with me, you are talking about him." She said in

a complaining way. "I am so sorry, I promise to spend more

time with you in the winter break" I replied.

"What? Jess? Am I a second priority now?" Rose said

shocked. "I'm sorry this wasn't what I meant" I said. "It's clear

what you meant" She said while running out of her classroom

with tears on her face. Why is rose acting stupid? It was Brad.I am mixed up. I am thinking ((It was Brad)) as If I've known


42/47

him forever, come on they were just three god damned

months. Maybe Rose wasn't acting stupid, I was.

All the kids came, including Mike which I didn't give special

attention for anymore. Time went by really fast and I was

surprised when I finally found it lunchtime. WOW. I sent the

kids to Ms. McKessie, my assistant, and she took them for the

lunchroom. I then went to Rose's class and said, "Hi". No

response. "Rose, I'm sorry, you are my BFF. You were right I

ignored you the last couple of months." She looked at me areal ((tragic Rose)) look. "I'm sorry too, I forgot that I am now

not the only thing in your life." She came and hugged me.

"We're silly girls" he said. We both laughed.

After school, Rose came to my house and she told Alex that

we would have a sleepover, just like high school. We ate

Bacon and she told me about last two months. We werediscussing about tomorrow's ((Parent's night)) and we even

chose the outfits. I was wearing a dark blue dress.

I got a call and it was from Brad.

Brad: Hey Jess! Remember our date tonight!

Shit! I forgot

Jess: Yeah, of course, I'll be ready on time

Brad: Fine, in fifteen minutes


43/47

Jess: Bye!

How would Rose take this? I had to do it "Rose, I'm so sorry.I have a date with Brad" I said while my voice was shaking.

She didn't seem angry. Thanks god!!! She made me 100%

ready in a ten. Lipstick, Mascara, Make up, a beige pant, a

white full sleeve blouse and a pink jacket. I wouldn't say it but

I looked like a queen. Brad came we talked to Rose and I

discovered that they knew each other since college.

At six o' clock, we went outside. He took me to the cinema

and we watched a romantic-comedy. We then went to a

Chinese restaurant and we talked, drank and then he saidsomething that changed my world, in a negative way, "Jess, I

love you and I want to marry you as soon as possible" He said

it as a statement not a question, in a casual way. "What??" I

said and then I understood how freaky my last sentence was.His smile crept out of his face replaced by a curious look.

I didn't mean to offend him or anything but I wasn't ready for

this. "Brad these things don't happen after a three month

relationship. I need my time! Besides, why ((as soon as

possible))" I said after taking a long sigh. "Is it for the loser

guy again?" He asked while looking straight into my eyes."Stop calling Clyde a loser guy!! He has nothing to do with

this." I defended Clyde, my temper rose, but why? Clyde was

now to me just a student's parent. Anyway, if Clyde. My

thoughts were interrupted by Brad's yelling words "SO IT IS

FOR CRIDE OR CLYDE OR WHATEVER" Every body

started staring at our table.


44/47

I ran out of the place at once and, WOW, What kind of a loser

guy was he? He never even thought of coming after me. I

rented a cab and I asked him to take me to my house but mymind was going to crack out of terrible thoughts. "Can Ichange the way?? Take me to the nearest shrink." I said. He

stopped after like ten minutes in a narrow alley and pointed at

one building. I paid him a five bucks note and left.

She was a tall, slim, black lady. The shrink. She had a bit of a

heavy accent. "What's wrong with you, darling?" she said.She looked like she was in her late forties. "Can I sit here?" I

pointed at a bed. "Obviously!" She said sweetly. I sat and told

her the details of my life since meeting Clyde in sophomore

year till tonight. "Wow!" she said "one of the most difficult

riddles I've ever heard" she yawned

"Well? I can't tell you exactly what you should do but I canguarantee you four things: First, You still love Clyde. Second,

your feelings for Brad were nothing, just affection, or a way

which failed in trying to get over Clyde. Thirdly, after kissing

Clyde, You should've started a relationship with him, it was

wrong to reject it. Four, I'm not sure of but maybe it's true, theguy you are IMing is Clyde." What? This was the dorkiest

thing I've ever heard.BasketballMan is Clyde.

---At home---

I found myself facing ((An angry rose)). "Where have youbeen all this time?? You said you'll be here by ten, it's already

twelve" she said and then she saw the tears on my cheeks.


45/47

"Jess, what's wrong?" she said. I sighed "I left Brad alone in

the res. restaurant. It sounds like I'm an anti-lover, I know,

but he sho. shouted and made us look bad. I never imaginedhim to ever tt. Turn this way"

"I don't understand a hell of a thing from what you're saying.

Explain slowly." She said while comforting me. I told her the

whole story in full details with sobbing and yelling. I bet the

neighbors woke up. She comforted me by saying that she and

Alex got this way sometimes. "DON'T COMPARE THISASSHOLE TO ALEX. IF HE CALLS AGAIN HE'LL BE IN

TROUBLE" Why did Clyde even come into my life? I was

happy as a loner.

---Parent's Night---

It was a good night. Kirova, the headmaster, planned nicegames and we all danced, had fun and ate. I wasn't happy, I

met Mike, "Hi Mike, Where's Daddy?" Pause. Why was I

asking that? Stop that. Do you like him or not? Willing to take

the risk, well, let's at least give it a try. Mike pointed and said,

"Sitting here" This is when I saw the oceanic blue hot eye,

even in the dark.

The shrink was right. Brad's feelings were just affection. I

love Clyde. "Hi," said my voice sounding like a plead. "Good

Evening, Ms Dixon" Wow! Formal! It wasn't flirtatious! "Hi!

Clyde," Why was I doing this? Drawing him towards me

Am I that cheap?? "Why I are you acting so formal and

aggressive?" I said. Men! I was really cheap now.


46/47

"JESSICA DIXON, you are the strangest person I've ever

seen in my twenty-seven years. When I wanna go back to

you, you break my heart and refuse, because you put yourmind over your heart which is hurting, and then when I dowhatever you want, you turn flirtatious" he said aggressively.

"Oh no! I'm sorry for being so cheap and wanting you, really

sorry!" I said these words as a loud scream.

This isn't the Clyde I've known for three high school years.

I have to run away from Albuquerque. This was how to do it,not dating brad, not going to a shrink, not flirting with Clyde.

I called Rose told her I was leaving Albuquerque, she tried to

persuade me in every way to stay but: NO! This was done. I

ran into my car going home to pack my bags and going to any

damn place in this world. How can he do this? I swear. I was

riding the car home at the speed of 160 km/h when suddenly a

big cruiser..

Clyde's face came out of the dark telling me "Jess, Stay

Alive". Then he got much clearer and I could swear I saw

him. An Angel. "Jessica woke up" he was telling somebody. I

moved my hands slowly, looked around me, a reek ofantiseptic, white sheets. I was in a hospital.

"Clyde, I love you" I said. "Me too" he said. What was that? I

got a white cast on my hand. "What happened?" I yelled. "It's

nothing. Calm down. Every thing will be okay. But I have aquestion, are you crazy enough Jessica Anne Dixon to drive at

this speed, 160 km/h" He comforted me by a soft kiss. WOW.


47/47

And from the other side of the room I heard Rose and Alex

say "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED".

"Hey, What's ((Mission Accomplished))?" I asked quickly.

"We've done every thing on earth to get you together: Blind

dates and much more, at last you're back" Alex said. "Well

done" I said.

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