Parenting: Are We Having Fun Yet?, Charlene Wenc 1997 Chapter 1, Right, Respect, Responsibility “As parents, our goal is to raise children to be responsible adults.” Sometimes parents follow the pattern of permissive parenting where the goal is to make the child happy. In the permissive family the child is pampered and there are no limits. Other times parents follow the model of autocratic parenting where the goal is make the child obedient. In the autocratic family the child receives little respect and there are no choices. Neither permissive parenting nor autocratic parenting consistently develops responsible children. But, in a democratic family a child is given limited choices. In a democratic family mutual respect is cultivated as parents consistently demonstrate respect. One of the parental keys is to be kind and firm, to speak with kindness to the child and be firm in following through with clearly defined expectations and consequences. In this way responsibility is taught, boundaries and routines are set in place, and increasing responsibility is given to the child. Chapter 2, Self Esteem – So Important “The good news is that self-concept and self-esteem are learned, not inherited… and children are like sponges and they tend to soak up all that surrounds them.” Parents need to saturate their child with respect, love, and encouragement. When children are encouraged in a positive manner they shift from “I can’t” to “I will.” Our society has conditioned us to find fault, to cast blame, and to expect the worst in ourselves and in others, including our children. Parents need a better perspective to engender self-esteem, one that sees both a child’s current ability as well as their potential. It would be beneficial for parents to focus on the deed and not the doer, also to affirm the effort not just the results. Daily encouragement is a process not a one-time occurrence. Chapter 3, Now What Do I Do? “No disciplinary technique is as effective in the long term as emphasizing an action’s consequences to help children realize that their behavior is really their choice.” Natural and logical consequences can go a long way to teach a child personal responsibility as long as parents do not interfere and run to the rescue. Consequences do not need to be severe; they need to be consistent and appropriate. Administering consequences in a manner that is kind and firm teaches a child responsibility and fairness.

Chapter 4, Is This a Stage They Are In? “I believe behavior occurs for a purpose. People are decision-making social beings whose main goal in life is to belong.” Families are a complex social setting. Although developmental changes in children can be identified from ages one to twelve, no two children are exactly alike. Although it is possible to describe behaviors frequently evidenced in the “only” child, the youngest child, the middle child, and the oldest child, nevertheless each child is unique. Parents need to love and encourage their child, affirm their significance, find meaningful ways for the child to contribute, and reinforce a child’s good choices with compliments and praise. Chapter 5, Peer Pressure “In order really to understand peer pressure, we have to understand our need to belong. Wanting to be accepted is part of being human.” Although peer pressure is often viewed as a negative experience, there can be positive peer pressure. One challenge for parents is to direct their children into environments where they are more likely to experience positive peer pressure. Extra-curricular activities in a right setting can be very beneficial. Children need structure, supervision, and support; “children who are not responsible to any adult for hours at a time are at risk.” As a parent builds their child’s self-esteem the child will have greater courage to resist negative peer pressure and to connect with positive peer pressure. Review, Skip Forsyth, 07/06/09