Painful Equality

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  • 8/18/2019 Painful Equality

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    Painful EqualityA Slightly Futuristic Story

      Part 1

    “You want to do what?” I asked y hus!and" #e continued to sit there as cla as he was !efore he let

    loose the ental !o! I was now trying to deal with" I also knew that I was dealing with it !adly when I walked

    away fro hi$ into the other roo to walk !ack into the roo and !ack to y %re&ious s%ot" I o%ened y

    outh$ !ut nothing cae out" I closed it" I %aced !ack and forth in front of hi as I tried to focus on one single

    question to ask hi first" I looked sideways at hi 'ust !ecause I felt hi looking at e and new questions

    %o%%ed into y head"

    “Ahh(” I screaed in frustration as I walked once ore across his field of &ision !efore I sto%%ed and

    looked at hi dead in the face" #is !rown eyes looked !ack at e with that sae sense of cal" )his is not

    good" I leaned forward and %laced y hands on !oth ar rests of his chair as I hung y head" “*hy?” I asked

    hi" I knew y &oice was low$ !ut I also knew that he was close enough to hear e"

    “+on,t you want children$ or at least one child?” he asked e"

    “-o$” I quickly and honestly answered hi"

    “-e&er?” he asked again with soe of his confidence sli%%ing" Fro !oth his face and &oice" I o%ened

    y outh to say no again$ !ut then I ree!ered that one s%lit second when I held y sister,s child for the

    second tie" )he first tie I so afraid of dro%%ing the little girl$ that I quickly ga&e her !ack" .ut once I was

    seated on the couch I was cornered and told to hold her while her other ran off to do soething" I stayed

    ner&ous while she twisted and looked around !efore starting to cry once she didn,t see a face that she

    recogni/ed" )hen we shared this little oent"

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    She looked at e like I was ost stunning new sight of her life" I looked into her face and reali/ed how

    not that long ago she was nothing and in a few years she would !e under foot like her older !rother" )hen years

    later she will !e like y sister when I saw her lea&e for college and e&en our dad cried" )hen the oent was

    o&er and I was sna%%ed out of y eory when the thing in y ars started to cry again" I %aused too long

    and I reali/ed that when I saw Frank,s face again" #e was !ack to looking ,right, again"

    “*e can,t ha&e kids$” I told hi as I stood u%right" “*hen you asked e to arry you$ I told you this"

    You said that you lo&ed e and that was a %art of it" You understood and acce%ted that$” I continued to say in

    %rotest of his " " " his %erfect solution to our su%%osed situation" *e weren,t going to ha&e kids" *e %laned a life

    without the" *e li&ed a life that didn,t consider the a %art of it and now he wanted to throw all that away"

    “I like y life the way it is Frank$” I told hi as I started to !ack away" “*hy don,t you?” I asked hi" I

    wanted to stay and hear his answer to the question alost as uch as I wanted to 'ust not ha&e this

    con&ersation" I didn,t want to take care of kids" I did that for twenty0two years" I wanted y life to !e y own" I

    wanted to li&e it with an a!le !odied huan who,s life didn,t de%end on e for their continued eistence" I

    lo&ed Frank !ut I didn,t ha&e to sign %a%er work for hi" I didn,t ha&e to hear how he was doing in class fro

    soe teacher" I didn,t ha&e to deal with tantrus"

    I gritted y teeth and waited for hi to answer e$ !ut he didn,t say anything" #e sat there 'ust looking

    at e" Instead of the tension !uilding$ it ellowed and started to fade" I was less angry and reali/ed that I had

    no reason to !e angry" E&eryone knew that I would !e a good other$ e&en if I did a&oid children at e&er chance

    %resented to e" I, not sure how long I stood there looking at hi$ !ut it ust ha&e !een long enough when I

    saw Frank start to stand" As he got closer to e his iage !ecae !lurred"

    I reached a hand u% to wi%e away a tear as I felt y chest tighten" *hat was wrong with e? I co&ered

    y eyes as I felt like I was doing soething wrong"

    “It,s ok$” Frank told e in a fir and low &oice" I felt his ars around e !efore I allowed yself to rest

    y head on his shoulder" “You,re allowed to change your ind$” he said" I cried louder as I ree!ered how

    2

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    uch I told yself that I couldn,t change things" I couldn,t ha&e kids and I was !etter off without the ess that

    cae with the"

    “)his isn,t how I %laned it either$” Frank said with a sall laugh in y hair" “I was sa&ing all y

    arguents for getting you to ado%t$” he ended on a louder laugh" I siled des%ite yself"

    “So you really want to do this?” I asked hi" It was the only real question that attered" 3ne of y

    hands held the side of his shirt as one of his %atted y !ack !efore !oth of the held e away fro hi"

    “I thought it was enough to get you to agree to ha&e a child with e" 4aking you gi&e !irth would ha&e

    !een a deal !reaker I, sure$” he said !efore kissing y li%s" I kissed !ack ree!ering this was one of the

    reasons why I arried hi" #e was always so oddly thoughtful"

    “Yeah$ !ut it could ha&e !een easier$” I infored hi" “It,s two years Frank$” I said e&en though I knew

    he knew" “Are you really ready for the i%lants$ shots and %ills" -ot to ention all the %leasantries of 'ust !eing

    %regnant?” I asked y well eaning hus!and"

    “*ould you do all that for a child?” he asked e"

    “-o$” I said again without hesitating"

    “)hen it wouldn,t ha&e !een easier$” he answered e"

    “*e are honestly doing this?” I asked hi"

    “*e are honestly doing this$” he answered !efore leaning forward and kissing y forehead"

    5

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      Part 2

    6666666

    )wo days later

    6666666

    “#ello 4r" and 4rs" )eal$” the an !ehind the desk said as Frank closed the door and I ste%%ed forward

    to shake his hand" *e !oth siled and said hello !efore sitting in the two white chairs that were in front of his

    !lack glass ta!le" #e wasn,t that young$ !ut then I, sure older en would ha&e had far ore issues taking this

     'o! than a younger an would" #is hair was !rown and styled in a !usiness like fashion" #is white shirt was still

    %ristine looking e&en this late in the day" #is tie$ which was dark !lue$ looked like he had already loosened it

    fro soe earlier ordeal or 'ust the winding down of the day"

    “So 4r" )eal$” he started when he thought we were !oth seated coforta!ly" “I understand that you

    want to take %art in our ,4oies are +ads )oo, %rogra here at 4ount *ashington #os%ital"” *e !oth

    nodded our heads$ !ut stayed quiet as we waited for hi to talk again"

    “As you ust know$ we ha&e to screen e&eryone that coes to us" Inter&iew the and their s%ouse$

    and assess the household" After all$ what we do coes with the res%onsi!ility of aking sure that when we

    !ring a child into this world$ it will !e lo&ed and taken care of$” he ended" A sile then occu%ied to his face that

    was too skillfully for y liking" For a oent I wished they did that with woen who got %regnant the noral

    way too$ !ut it had nothing to do with us right now"

    “3f course$” Frank answered hi as I 'ust continued to sile"

    “Yesss$” he said as he looked at e a !it longer than I liked" “So we can set that u% and o&e on fro

    there$” he said sounding a little cheery" “*hen would !e the !est tie for you?” he asked as he started to click

    away on his key!oard and look at the co%uter screen that was 'ust off to his right" Frank turned to look at e

    and I looked at hi the sae tie" *ho was he talking to?

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    “.oth of us?” I asked the an !efore he looked !ack at us"

    “-o" Sorry$” he a%ologi/ed" “It,s !een a long day$” he e%lained" Again we !oth siled at hi and

    waited" “4r" )eal will ha&e the first a%%ointent with our %sychologist$ then it !e your turn 4rs" )eal$ !ut no

    ore than two weeks later" )hen if those go well you will ha&e a 'oint session within four onths after 4rs"

    )eal,s session$” the an infored us"

    “Four onths?” I asked" “*hy so long?” I continued"

    “*ell the sessions are recorded and then they are re&iewed !y a few %eo%le" It,s on their &ote that you

    get to %roceed to the 'oint session and also your entry into 4"+")"$” he answered e"

    “4"+")"?” Fred asked"

    “4oies are +ads )oo$” he clarified"

    I was te%ted to say ,oh, !ut I thought it would ake e look du! so I 'ust nodded and continued on

    with the siling" As he turned to Frank to get a date$ I didn,t feel like I succeeded in aking hi !elie&e

    otherwise"

    6666666

    )wo weeks later

    6666666

    “Please ha&e a seat 4rs" )eal" )he doctor will !e with you shortly$” the rece%tionist told e after I

    handed !ack the sign in sheet" I took a seat in a chair that was !y itself on the other side of one of the coffee

    ta!les" )his wasn,t what I was e%ecting" I knew the session was going to !e at the hos%ital$ !ut I didn,t e%ect

    to feel like I was in a ale clinic" .esides the rece%tionist$ I was the only feale there and it wasn,t 'ust one or

    two en there" )here were se&en of the and they all see to !e a!out the sae age range" )wenty eight to

    thirty fi&e" 3nce I sto%%ed looking and tried to read a aga/ine$ I started to hear soe of the whis%ers that I

    didn,t quite %ick u% !efore"

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    It was all in %ieces$ !ut once I got the gist of it I reali/ed that they were talking a!out e" I looked u% to

    see who it was$ !ut of course at that oent the whis%ering sto%%ed" )he waiting roo stayed quiet until a

    an walked out and was greeted !y soeone who was waiting in the roo with e"

    “4rs" )eal$ you ay see +r" 9eshard now$” she said" I stood u% and saw as she %ointed down the hall

    where the an cae fro" As I turned the corner I saw a nu!er of doors on either side of the long hall way"

    )he first door on y left had a nae %laque on it" It read +r" :";" .ricke" )he net$ that was on y right said +r"

    Allen ;eft" I started to walk a !it faster now that I knew his nae would !e on the door" I was near the end of 

    the hall when I finally saw the nae" +r" S" 9eshard" )he door was closed so I knocked instead of 'ust walking in"

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    for too long"

    “Aren,t you going to ask e any questions?” I asked her feeling like it was the du!est questions I had

    e&er asked anyone" At least that I could ree!er"

    “Yes$ we should get started$” she said in agreeent with e !efore turning to her ta!let and writing a

    line of words" “*hy aren,t you the one asking for this %rocedure?” she flat out asked e" “You wouldn,t need to

    go through all this" You could 'ust ask for the o%eration and if you et the %hysical requireents$ and could %ay

    of course$ you could ha&e !een doing that now if not earlier$” she asserted" “*hy are you %utting your hus!and

    through this?” she finished" -ow she sat !ack$ a little$ and waited for y answer"

    I was stunned" I wasn,t e%ecting to !e confronted with it so " " " soon or !latantly" I !linked as I started

    to think of an answer for her" I looked at her as I tried to coe u% with the right way of saying it$ !ut then I

    reali/ed that she was going to read into anything I said$ so I went the honest route"

    “I don,t want to ha&e kids$” I told her" She didn,t o&e" “I don,t want to %sychically ha&e children" *hen

    I was thirteen$ I was in a car accident" I was %unctured with soe %art of the car in y a!doen$” I continued

    as I ree!ered !its of the day" “I 'ust felt this heat down there until I !lacked out" I stayed unconscious until I

    woke u% feeling sore all o&er" *hen I sat u% I screaed in %ain and y other ran into the roo along with a

    few nurses" After they ga&e soe ore %ain edication$ I asked y o how e&eryone else was" I was with

    y friend

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    “#e did a quick check of y eyes with that light that all doctors walked around with in their to% %ocket

    and he had e touch y nose with y fingers !efore he %arted y gown to look a y stitches" I asked hi if he

    had to take anything out as I saw and felt hi o&e the skin around the long cur&ed line of stitches" ,Yes$ your

    uterus$, he tells e" #e then sat !ack on y !ed and waited for soething fro e" I knew what y uterus

    was" I had !een ha&ing y %eriod for a year !y then" If anything I was ha%%y$ !ut for soe reason I didn,t think

    they wanted e to !e ha%%y$ so I asked hi if anything else was wrong with e" #e said ,no$, and I said ok$” I

    finished as I looked directly at the shrink"

    “*hen I was !ack in school and taking Se Ed a year later$ I fully understood that I wouldn,t !e a!le to

    ha&e children$ !ut I didn,t care" I hel%ed y o take care of the four at hoe" )wo girls and two !oys !y the

    way$” I felt like inforing her" “I !a!ysat for y aunt when y !rothers and sisters could take care of thesel&es

    and !y then I was ha%%y I wasn,t going to ha&e any" )hen I got older and wondered if a guy would want e if I

    couldn,t gi&e hi a child$ and you know what?” I asked her$ !ut continued on without waiting for her to answer"

    “I did" I found soeone that lo&ed e and took e as I was" *e ade %lans" Plans that didn,t ha&e to take into

    account children$” I ended" )he roo was quiet for a while"

    “)hat doesn,t e%lain why your hus!and is now doing this if you were ha%%y without children$” she told

    e" I crossed y ars knowing &ery well that it was a defensi&e o&e"

    “*hen he told e he wanted to do this$ I asked hi why" #e said that I already agreed a few years ago

    to !e o%en to the idea of ado%ting if he really wanted to ha&e a child in our life" I know the %ro!les that

    coes with the$ !ut I also know how to take care of the" I 'ust thought that y life would !e easier without

    the$ !ut to ake y hus!and ha%%y$ I would do this for hi" #e said that he ne&er truly a!andoned all ho%e

    of ha&ing a child that was related to hi" And that it would !e easier for hi to carry our child$ than to get e

    to agree to do it yself$” I e%lained"

    She 'otted down a few things !efore she went !ack to watching e" I didn,t think she had that uch

    trou!le coing u% with the questions for e$ she 'ust like gi&ing e roo to twist and wiggle under her stare"

    @

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    “*hy this o%tion?” she e&entually asked" “*hy does he want to go through this?

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      Part 5

    6666666

    Four #ours later

    6666666

    I was sitting in the li&ing roo with ost of the lights still off when Frank got hoe" )he sun was 'ust

    setting$ !ut the house had !een dark for at least an hour !y that tie" I heard hi as he %ut his keys into the

    lock and o%ened our front door" I listened to his shoes as they cae inside and sto%%ed as the door was ade

    to close and the front hall light was turned on" )hey walked a little further to sto% again as fa!rics o&ed and

    hangers ade noises as they were distur!ed$ weighted down and %laced !ack into the closet" I thought a!out

    asking hi if we could eat out !ecause I didn,t feel u% to cooking and I didn,t know if he felt u% to cooking

    either"

    “Baie(” Frank alost shouted as he turned the corner and saw e sitting there"

    “#ello dear$” I said to hi as I started to stand" I walked o&er to y hus!and and ga&e hi a hug" A hug I

    didn,t end until he %ulled y ars off of hi"

    “It went that well did it?” he asked"

    “I, not sure$” I honestly told hi" “I did shout at her$” I confessed" “.ut !y the tie our session was

    o&er$ I was a lot caler$” I told hi as I slid y ars around his waist and laid y head on his chest again"

    “3k$ I, ordering in$” Frank said as he ru!!ed y u%%er ars" #e then %ushes e away fro hi again

    to kiss y forehead !efore !ending down and kissing y li%s" I was aa/ed at how good that ade e feel$ or

    at least I would ha&e if I didn,t feel so good" “Co u%stairs and take a !ath while I ake this %hone call$” he tells

    e as he starts to %ush e towards our !edroo"

    “Aren,t you coing?” I ask hi with a ho%eful tone in y &oice"

    “Dery shortly$” he answered !efore y !ody left his hands" I siled and walked !ackwards until I hit the

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    staircase" I stood there for a oent as I watched hi %ick u% the house %hone and loaded the a%% to one of 

    the four take out restaurants we had on it" 3nce I was u%stairs and in our !edroo I left the door o%en as I

    ade y way towards the shower" I ho%ed he was ordering y )hai

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    they all thought that I was soe kind of trans&estite that had really good work done$ and that I was there to

    really !e a woan$” I sto%%ed as I saw hi sile" “*hat?” I asked hi"

    “It was a co%lient$” he said with a laugh as he kissed y nose"

    “*ell it didn,t quite feel like one at the tie$” I e%lained !ut now ost of y irritation for the day was

    really starting to fade away"

    “*hat else did the shrink ask you?” Frank asked net" “*ait" *as it an Indian lady" #er nae was 9

    soething$” he said as he tried to ree!er while looking u% at the ceiling"

    “Yeah$ that was her$” I agreed since he had such &ague details and she did atch all of the"

    “She was nice$ until she found out that I wasn,t gay$” Frank now decided to infor e"

    “*hat?” I asked in sur%rise as I tried to %ull !ack$ !ut he continued to hold e close" “*hy didn,t you

    tell e !efore?” I asked hi"

    “3ne$ you would ha&e gone in there ore defensi&e than what would ha&e done you any good$ and

    two$” he %aused" “I was told I couldn,t tell you a!out the session until you already went to yours$” he confessed"

    I looked down at his chest as I thought it o&er" “I, sorry$” Frank said as he squee/ed e slightly in his ars"

    “It,s ok$” I told hi" “*hat did she said after she found out that you weren,t gay?” I asked as I raised y

    eyes !ack u% to his"

    “Bust soe du! stuff a!out you$” he said as I felt his hands ru!!ing y !ack" “*hy don,t we ado%t?

    *hy didn,t you 'ust %ay for the surgery for yourself$ and stuff like that$” he told e" I laid y cheek on his chest

    as I felt sorry for hi now ore than I felt angry at the lady since this was soething that he wanted"

    “I, sorry Frank$” I told hi after a while" I was holding his waist !efore$ !ut now I hugged hi in

    return"

    “It,s alright hun" I held y own$” he e%lained" “+o you feel !etter now?” he inquired as he eased his

    gri% on e so he could look down at e" I accoodated hi and leaned !ack to look u% into his face !efore

    answering"

    12

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    “Yeah$ a little$” I aditted"

    “Enough to get !ack to what we started like ten inutes ago?” Frank asked e softly !efore he kissed

    y cheek" I giggled as I thought a!out it too"

    “I need a !ath$” I half %rotested" It,s not like we ha&en,t gone at each other when a !ath wouldn,t ha&e

    !een nice first"

    “+id you go 'ogging?” he asked as he kissed y nose again"

    “-o$” I said with a sile"

    “+id you sto% off at the gy and lifted soe weights?” he asked as he li%s found e other cheek"

    “-o$” I laughed again since I hadn,t seen the inside of the gy in onths"

    “+id you walk ore than ten !locks in those lo&ely green heels of yours?” he asked as his li%s ho&ered

    o&er ine"

    “Ah$ ah$” I infored hi to the negati&e"

    “)hen the !ath can wait$” he told !efore his li%s finally touched ine"

    Sure, of course. We would just have to take another bath when we were done anyway, was y first and

    last thought !efore I started thinking of where I wanted y hands and that I was really ha%%y we %ut in a

    heated floor last year"

    15

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      Part 7

    6666666

    )wo 4onths ;ater

    6666666

    “You didn,t o%en it?” I asked as I walked into the kitchen holding the letter in y hand" I was taking off 

    y shoes !y the hallway ta!le when I saw it with Frank,s keys" I leaned against the door frae and watched hi

    now as he sat at the kitchen ta!le eating a sandwich$ whose other half was sitting on the Su!way green and

    white wra%%ing %a%er" Frank had looked u% at hearing y words$ and now held a hand u% as he chewed what

    was in his outh !efore reaching for a glass of soething he got out of the fridge"

    “I was waiting for you$” he told e once he had cleared his outh" “You don,t ind if I finish this first

    do you?” Frank asked !efore he raised the sandwich to his outh again" I nodded y head and watched hi as

    he !it into it and %ulled a %iece of toato out of the rest f the sandwich" I siled !efore he !it harder causing it

    to dro% unto the wra%%er that was %rotecting the ta!le"

    .its of our 'oint inter&iew session a onth ago cae to ind as y !ody started to question as to

    whether or not I was hungry" After I ree!ered agreeing with y hus!and that the inter&iew did go well$ I

    saw hi again as he wi%ed his li%s free of what was left of his sandwich"

    #e siled u% at e !efore %ushing his chair !ack fro the ta!le and wa&ing e closer" *hen I was

    within ar,s reach Frank %ulled e to sit down onto his la% and wra%%ed his ars around y hi%s and waist"

    “Co on" 3%en it$” he %ro%ted e as he laid his head against y ar"

    I ade sure not to !ang his head with y ar or el!ow as I tore the letter o%en" At first glance it was &ery

    short$ so I thought the answer was no$ !ut I started to read it out loud anyway"

    Dear Mr. and Mrs Teal,

    We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into our M.D.T. (Mommies are Daddies

    17

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    Too) program.

    Mr. Teal, please contact us at xxx-xxx-xxxx to schedule an appointment ith us at your earliest

    convenience.

    M.D.T. !uling "oard of Mount Washington #ospital

    .elow that there was the seal of the hos%ital instead of a signature" )he house was silent as we each

    took it in$ in different ways"

    “*ell that was short$” I said to !reak out of the !u!!le of silence we had created"

    “*e,re in$” Frank whis%ered" “*e were acce%ted$” he said a little louder" I looked at his face and saw all

    his eciteent as the wheels in his head started to turn"

    “+on,t get ahead of yourself$” I told hi as I held his face in !oth y hands" *hen he finally saw e I

    siled at hi" “You won,t !e %regnant for a little o&er a year$” I reinded hi with a sile"

    “So net week I can start on the nursery then?” he asked with a wide sile on his face" I !ent down and

    kissed hi"

    “4$” he urured into y outh as I now tasted cheese and onions on his !reath" “#ow$” kiss"

    “A!out$” kiss" “

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    %ulled y shirt u% y !ody and u% o&er y head" #is %ants easily fell to the floor lea&ing e with the task of 

    %ulling down his !oer !riefs" I ru!!ed y face and cheek u% against his crotch as I ran y fingers !etween his

    skin and the elastic waist!and" #is hands were now in y hair where they worked loose the !un and the two to

    fi&e %ins I used to kee% it in %lace"

    “3h Baie$” Frank oaned as his hand tightened it,s gri% on y head" I leaned away fro hi and

    %ulled his underwear down until I touched the floor" I looked u% at his cock as y hand reached for it" #e wasn,t

    quite full yet$ !ut it was a situation that he wasn,t going to find hiself in for uch longer" I siled to yself as

    I heard hi gas%"

    I ke%t y eyes on the a%%endage that I had y hands on and alost oaned as I felt hi grow harder"

    )he sell fro his skin heighten the urge that I already had to feel hi in y outh" I touched the ti% of hi to

    y li%s !efore I o%ened y outh and swallowed hi as I o&ed forward" *ith each centieter of %rogress I

    swi%ed y tongue across the underside of his cock"

    “Ah$” he oaned a!o&e e" For a !rief oent he gra!!ed y hair and %ulled e forward !efore

    releasing e to do what I wanted" I raked y fingers u% and down his legs when I o&ed y outh u% and

    down his eseri/ing cock" I always try to get y li%s all the way to the end$ !ut I ne&er ha&e$ !ut that has not

    sto%%ed e fro trying and tonight was no different" I reached y hands u% to hold his two cheeks as I alost

    forced y gag refle to !ack down" Alost !ecause I once again lost" I gagged and y !ody deanded air

    which caused e to %ull off co%letely and gul% for air as I squee/ed y eyes shut"

    +es%ite y failure I was %roud that I had gotten further than !efore" I o&ed !ack to take hi into y

    outh again when Frank %ushed against y shoulder to sto% e"

    “-o ore$” he slightly gas%ed !efore he %ushed the chair out of his way and knelt down in front of e"

    #is outh et ine as he started to %ush e !ackwards" )he floor wasn,t cold as y !ack ade contact and

    then %ressed into it as Frank laid o&er e" I oaned into his outh and wra%%ed one leg o&er his" Frank

    gri%%ed y left !reast through y !ra and %awed at it roughly as his knee %arted y legs e&en ore" I felt his

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    hand as it o&ed !etween us to hold his cock and ai it at y o%ening" I arched u% closer to hel%$ I think$ and

    soon I felt a new %oint of heat as it cae in contact with y skin" I had y head turned to the side while Frank

    %ressed his forehead into y cheek" #e was a little un!alanced for a while then he sunk into e in one sweat

    long glide" #e oaned into y neck and I oaned louder as y wet walls enco%assed so uch of hi so

    quickly"

    I !raced y !ack against the floor and %ushed y %el&is u% to eet his" I urured in ecstasy as Frank

    was %ushed e&en further into e"

    “3h Baie$ yes$” he uttered into y skin !efore I heard a chair as it was kicked further away fro us and

    hit a wall"

    “Frank$” I literally cried as he started to slow fuck e" I had y ars wra%%ed around his head and neck

    to hold hi close and he o&ed his ars to hold y shoulders fro under y ars"

    I wasn,t going to last long" I cried fro the friction of %leasure and oaned louder the closer he got e

    to coing co%letely undone"

    “Yes$ alost there$” he started to say !efore he o&ed faster and faster"

    “Yes$ YES$ YES(” I shouted as he dragged e closer" I arched u% under hi as he continued to fuck e

    deliciously" 3ur chins touched as Frank s%oke into y outh"

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    *e huffed for air and the whole roo felt so uch hotter as he laid in y ars and !etween y legs

    on the kitchen floor"

    “3ne of these days they are going to to think that you killed e$” I told Frank" #e 'ust laughed and

    kissed y neck !efore sitting u% and disconnecting us"

    “You kee% saying that$” he reinded e once he was standing and looking down at y &ery unsey and

    essy for" “.ut I think they ha&e learned !y now that it isn,t that kind of death$” he said as he held his hand

    out for e to take" I looked at hi for a oent and lo&ed what I saw$ e&en if there was a flash of a eory of 

    what he use to look like ten years ago" I reached u% and took his hand to !e once again aa/ed at the strength

    he %ossessed"

    I looked down at yself once I was standing and saw the true ess of what I looked liked" 4y left !ra

    cu% was under y !reast" )he other one looked wet for soe reason" 4y %anties were rolled u% and soehow

    still on y left leg" I was sure that they had !een torn and I was standing on y skirt" I had to look around for

    y shirt and as I o&ed I felt Frank,s cu as it started to slide out of e" I 'u%ed off y skirt to kee% it fro

    getting stained and tucked y hair !ehind one ear as Frank started to laugh"

    “:ee% that u% and you will %ick u% the dry cleaning and ha&e the look at you funny$” I warned hi

    !efore %icking u% y skirt$ getting y shirt$ %ulling off y %anties and fiing y !ra !efore walking u%stairs our

    !edroo and the shower"

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      Part 8

    First on the agenda was har&esting" Fro !oth Frank and I" #e got siulated !ut I got surgery" -o hiding

    who got the !etter deal there" I was in so uch %ain for the week after y surgery$ that I had to take etra tie

    off fro work while I learned how to sit again" )hey ad&ised e that I was going to !e in %ain for a few days$ so

    I had already asked for two days off" I 'oked with Frank of how I would feel well enough to ha&e gone to work$

    !ut !e guilt0tri%%ed into staying hoe longer since I would technically !e on sick lea&e"

    Frank %a%ered e so uch while I was stuck hoe and ostly in !ed" +uring y ain reco&ery week

    he had things !y y side that he thought I ight need while he was gone" )hen he would rush hoe at lunch

    tie$ with eals that we !oth ate in !ed" #e would ha&e to s%end an etra hour at work to ake u% for the

    long lunch !reak$ !ut he ne&er co%lained" *e li&ed on )hai and Degetarian take out for ost of that week

    with a few guest a%%earances fro Su!way and the one day Frank cra&ed a !urger" I was &ery grateful that he

    didn,t get it fro .urger :ing or 4c+onald,s$ !ut a uch classier %lace that cared a!out the toatoes and

    lettuce that they used to !uild the sandwich"

    *hen I was a!le to tra&el again we went in to see the results of y suffering$ to find out that I needed

    to !e %laced on fertility drugs and that I had to do it again" I was horrified" I would ha&e walked out if I wasn,t

    too shocked to stand" I knew that Frank was holding y hand$ !ut I didn,t feel it until what he was telling the

    doctor$ who was sitting coforta!ly !ehind his desk$ a!out how uch %ain I was in the first tie reached y

    ears"

    666

    End 3f Entry

    666

    “Yes well$ that was una&oida!le" *e had to cut away soe asses that we found in her a!doinal

    ca&ity" *e weren,t sure what they were until a few days ago" )he test that confired what they were takes

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    a!out si days on a&erage$ and it wasn,t a rush$” he e%lained to Frank"

    “It wasn,t a rush?” I turned to look at y hus!and" #e hardly e&er raised his &oice$ !ut I was sure there

    were %eo%le outside the office that heard hi" “You found and reo&ed asses fro inside y wife and you

    didn,t think it was worth telling e?” he deanded"

    “*ell$ at the tie we didn,t think it was anything ore than scare tissue fro her h ysterectoy$ !ut to

    !e on the safe side we reo&ed the to ake sure they didn,t later !ecoe cancerous if they hadn,t already$”

    the doctor said in his defense"

    “You are issing the %oint(” Frank eru%ted as he stood" “I wasn,t told" *e weren,t told anything(” he

    shouted down at the an" )he doctor was starting to look a !it ore reorseful as he started to understand

    where Frank was coing fro$ !ut he didn,t look that %ut out since he knew he did soething good in the end"

    “Frank$” I called u% hi" “Frank$” I said a little quieter as I now held his hand again" #e turned his head

    and looked !ack at e !efore looking at the doctor again and taking his seat" )he roo was quiet" )oo quiet

    and it lasted too long for y liking"

    “Ah$” the doctor cleared his throat" “4rs" )eal" I, sorry that you endured so uch %ain$ !ut we

    would ha&e !een reiss to not ha&e reo&ed the asses during the o%eration"” #e a%%eared to !e finish which

    ade Frank squee/e y hand as he started to get angry again" “And I, sorry for not notifying you !oth$ once it

    was o&er$ of what found and did$” he said looking ostly at y hus!and as he said this"

    “So what did you find?” Frank !lankly asked hi" )he doctor turned towards his co%uter and started

    to ty%e" I assued it was to locate y$ if not our$ files" I didn,t know if he really didn,t ree!er what the test

    results were or if he 'ust wanted soewhere else to look for a while"

    “4ost of the asses were 'ust scar tissue$” he said to the screen in front of hi" “.ut a!out three of 

    the were %recancerous for elanoa$” he said !efore turning fro the dis%lay and looking at us"

    “4elanoa?” I asked in faint shocked &oice" What the fuck is going on here? We came to hear about 

    eggs that I may or may not have and I'm being told that I have melanoma? I wanted to screa" I wanted to

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    lea&e the office and lea&e this whole thing !ehind e" This can't be haening. I can't be dying. !ying? 

    “Frank?” I called out to hi as I started to really not feel well"

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      Part >

    6666666

    Four 4onths ;ater

    6666666

    *ith a clean !ill of health$ as clean as I could %ossi!ly get$ along with a set of check u% a%%ointent

    dates onths into the future for two years$ Frank agreed to continue with what we had started" I was gi&en the

    fertility shots and winced at the !urning sensation that I got fro the hy%o s%ray e&ery tie" It was only once a

    week and I only had to do it for a onth" 3n the day of the har&esting they retrie&ed four eggs and we were

    told two days later that they were all in great condition" .y the end of the week we had four e!ryos and they

    were fro/en once they were at a sta!le stage" -ow it was Frank,s turn to get his shots"

    *e had a%%ointents alost e&ery other week for the net fi&e onths" *e had infored !oth our

    !osses of our acce%tance into the 4"+")" %rogra the day after we got the letter$ and two days later they

    recei&ed a certified letter that was sent !y courier fro 4ount *ashington #os%ital along with e0ailed co%ies

    %ro&iding and %ointing out the fine %rint of how this would i%act the" )hey also recei&ed a few %ages that

    listed our rights and needed tie off for a%%ointents and surgeries" I was on y own for y cancer checku%s

    since I only had one e&ery three onths"

    )he rights had !een in %lace for a an to acco%any his wife when she had an a%%ointent with the

    doctor o&er soething concerning their child$ for o&er ten years now" 3nce the science !ehind %rogras like

    4"+")" !ecae acce%ted and e&en gained soe %residential ty%e su%%ort fro his son$ who was ne&er in the

    closet$ the word hus!and was changed to life %artner" So what did this ean for e? )his eant that I wasn,t

    docked %ay to !e !y y hus!and,s side for all the a%%ointents he needed to attend for us to ha&e a child"

    Frank was ostly !eing onitored and ha&ing his horone le&els tested !efore we were gi&en a week,s

    su%%ly of estrogen shots" )echnically they weren,t 'ust estrogen shots or he would ha&e gotten the %ills that

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    they %rescri!ed to the ale transseuals" -o$ these were a i that they created after each test !ased on the

    results of those tests" I use to hel% !y gi&ing hi the shots in the orning$ !ut then we reali/ed that we were

    rushing too uch$ so we started to do it at night fairly quickly" I thought that I was doing a good 'o!$ !ut one

    night Frank said that he wanted to see if he could do it hiself" )here went a good ecuse to see his !ent o&er

    ass each night"

    As widely coon as a hy%o s%ray gun now was for deli&ering edications$ they were not a%%ro&ed for

    hoe use yet$ which left us using the i%ro&ed syringes with shorter needles" *hich is why he flinched less

    then I e%ected when he shot hiself in the thigh" I guess what they say is true too" It hurts less if you do it

    yourself" As the shots continued I noticed little things a!out hi as they changed" #e didn,t change into a new

    %erson$ !ut sall things ade e see hi a little differently" #is hands were a tiny !it softer$ not that he had

    rough hands to !egin with" #is &oice lost a little of it,s edge$ !ut you didn,t really hear it until he laughed and

    e&en then$ you really had to know hi to know it wasn,t there anyore"

    666

    End 3f Entry

    666

    I ru!!ed y eyes and as I lowered y fingers I saw the window and the %atch of green that we called a

    !ack yard !efore it hit the fence and I saw y neigh!or,s house on the other side"

    “*hat are you thinking a!out?” Frank asked e !efore kissing the !ack of y neck" I was in the den

    doing soe work !ecause the ta!le here had the s%ace I needed to kee% %ro%er track of y files along with a

    central %lace to hold y co%uting unit" I continued to look out the window as he %laced his chin on y right

    shoulder"

    “I, trying to think of nothing$” I told hi as I raised a hand u% to touch the side of his face" I 'ust ga&e

    u% looking at the re%orts and requests and findings fro in&estigations that were in front of e"

    “)han I ha&e good tiing$” he coented !efore turning y chair around so I faced hi"

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    “You ha&e !een standing in the doorway for o&er fifteen inutes$” I infored hi !efore holding his

    cheek and leaning forward to kiss hi"

    “You knew I was there?” he asked sounding 'ust a little sur%rised as he ended the kiss"

    “I heard as you walked u% to the door$ !ut not walk away$” I answered" “.esides$ you ha&e started to

     'ust watch e lately" If we weren,t already arried I ight consider that a reason to !e concerned a!out you$” I

    told hi as I %atted his shoulder" “*hat tie is it?” I asked out loud as I turned to look at the clock I had on a

    wall" It was one of y few interior design requireents" E&ery roo in the house had to ha&e a clock in it" )his

    one was a large digital readout showing the date$ tie$ and current weather conditions for our area" *hat

    ade it large was the fact that it was %ro'ected onto the wall and !eing custoi/a!le to the si/e that you

    wanted along with the noral !ells and whistles of this ty%e"

    “It,s 'ust after eight$” Frank answered" “#ungry?” he now asked e as I stood and stretched"

    “A little$” I answered honestly" #e lead e into the kitchen where he had two %lates under does$ well I

    thought they were %lates since I couldn,t see the$ and 'ust the two does"

    “*hat do you want to drink?” Frank asked as he left e to seat yself as he walked off towards the

    refrigerator"

    “;eonade$” I answered without thinking if we had any"

    “#ere you go$” Frank said as he %laced the cold glass of leonade on the ta!le close to y %late !efore

    he took a seat with his own glass in hand and taking a si% !efore %lacing it on the ta!le"

    “)hanks dear$” I told hi !efore reaching for y glass"

    “+id the !russel onions coe out ok?” Frank asked e as I forked another one to consue it"

    “)hese are ore oniony than the last !atch you cooked$” I told hi" “I thought that roasting the

    would ha&e !ought out the !russel s%rout taste ore$” I used !efore stacking one ore with soe chicken

    eat and a %iece of %ur%le carrot onto y fork"

    “Yeah$ e too$” he coented !efore I looked u% to see hi as he now ate soe S%anish rice"

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    “So how did you do on your to0do list?” I asked as I looked !ack at y %late" Frank %roceeded to let e

    know soe details of his day while I en'oyed the sound of his &oice and ate the eal that was !efore e"

    6666666

    A Few *eeks ;ater

    6666666

    “)hank you for !eing a!le to ake it here on such short notice" *e 'ust felt like cele!rating our half way

    ark with our friends a few inutes !efore we called all of you" I, so glad that so any of you could coe$” I

    said as I siled at our friends" Soe of the each of us knew fro work$ college and %ast 'o!s" *e e&en had a

    friend or two fro e&en earlier in our li&es"

    “)hank you$” I said again as we raised our glasses in a toast" Frank was to y right side hugging e

    around y waist " #is glass held s%arking water instead of the chea% red wine I had gotten

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    )here were cla%s and soe hollering of the word congratulations" I siled and felt anious" Bust like I

    didn,t want to feel$ which is why I didn,t tell anyone in the first %lace" It,s like we were te%ting faith to ha&e

    soething go wrong now" Instead of !reaking u% into grou%s once ore$ e&eryone crowded in around us and

    asked us questions that ore than one %erson was interested in the the answers to"

    “Baie$ is soething wrong?” )erry asked e" “You don,t look as ha%%y as you sounded !efore$” he

    coented" -ow e&en those who had !een %e%%ering Frank for inforation$ since he was the one going

    through the %rocedures$ turned to look at e"

    “It,s nothing" I, fine$” I told hi"

    “You,re crying$” :ari %ointed out" “It,s ore than nothing$” she said as she got a little closer" I lifted y

    hand and wi%ed away tears that I didn,t feel esca%ing y eyes" As I wondered as to why I was crying and saw

    ore %eo%le crowded in around e$ out of concern$ I started to cry a !it ore as a %anicky feeling started to

    ake e shake" I %ushed through the and ran u%stairs to y !edroo" I tri%%ed on the rug that Frank

    insisted on %utting down on the wooden floor e&en though they were heated too"

    I fell onto and held the side of the !ed as I cried fro the %ain in y knees" Fro the fear that

    soething ay ha%%en to y hus!and during the surgery" )hat with e&erything we had done and will do$ he

    wouldn,t !e a!le to ha&e the child he wanted for us" I cried for Frank" I cried o&er the %ros%ect of seeing this

    %rocess tear hi down" I cried for starting to no longer 'ust e%ect$ !ut care that a child was !eing !rought into

    our hoe and the chance of it not ha%%ening" I heard the door click close !ehind e and I wi%ed y eyes in

    the sheets" I looked horri!le when I cried"

    “You know you aren,t su%%ose to !e taking any of y edication$” Frank said as he sat down on the

    floor net to e"

    “*hy would I do that?” I asked in %u//leent as he %ulled e towards hi in a hug"

    “I was 'ust trying to understand why you are like this" It,s not coon for you to !e this eotional$” he

    stated"

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    “.ad 'oke$” I told hi as I laid y head on his chest 'ust !elow his chin"

    “Yes$ it was$ !ut yours wasn,t any !etter$” he %ointed out"

    “You didn,t arry e for y atte%ts at aking 'okes$” I infored hi"

    “)rue$” he said as I felt his fingers !rushing y shoulder" “So what,s wrong?” he asked" I shook y head

    not e&en wanting to say anything out loud" Frank continued to !rush y shoulder as he stayed quiet" A!out fi&e

    inutes later soe %art of e was saying that I should get u% now and that I needed to go !ack downstairs"

    .oth of us were u% here and it was our %arty" I reluctantly %ulled yself free fro his e!race and stood u%" I

    walked into the !athroo and felt as he followed e" I squinted as the light sensor %icked u% on y

    o&eents and registered y !ody heat as a signal to turn on the o&erhead lights"

    I looked into the irror and was grateful that I didn,t look worst" I reached into the drawer and %ulled

    out a cleaning %ad fro its !o" I wi%ed y face clean ece%t for y li%stick !efore tossing it into the !in" I then

    reached for y ake u% s%ray and closed y eyes as I ade two %asses across y face" 3nce across y

    forehead and another that started on y cheek$ o&ed o&er the !ride of y nose and ended on the other side

    of y face" I o%ened y eyes to %ick u% y wet !rush fro its %lace on the counter and quickly$ !ut e&enly$

    o&ed the thin layer of %igent around y face" I didn,t reach for the sil&er !lush to ake eye shadows since

    we weren,t going out"

    “9eady?” Frank asked e as I 'ust looked at yself"

    “9eady$” I agreed !efore turning to lea&e"

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      Part

    6666666

    3ne 4onth ;ater

    6666666

    “You look so !eautiful and fu//y$” Frank told e as I sat !y his side holding his hand" I siled down at

    hi so grateful that he was ali&e and now awake" E&eryone told e that hardly anything went wrong at this

    stage$ !ut there was always the %ossi!ility that soething could"

    “You look darn good yourself$” I told hi !efore he sli%%ed !ack under again" )he doctor said that he

    would !e a drowsy for a few ore hours so I wasn,t concerned" I was going to stay with hi tonight and then

    take hi hoe toorrow" )he nurse had already !een in and set u% the other !ed for e to use" I ree!er

    when I was younger and y o sle%t in a chair net to y !ed when I was in the hos%ital" )hey either

    couldn,t or wouldn,t let her slee% on one of the other two !eds that were close !y" I didn,t e&en get y own

    roo" I ru!!ed y thu! o&er y hus!and,s hand !efore standing and walking around the roo again"

    I looked at the flowers and cards that our friends had sent us" Soe wished us well" 3thers told us

    which se to choose e&en though that won,t ha%%en for at least two ore weeks" )he last few were hologras

    of eoticons siling$ winking and hugging each other for our auseent"

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    way down one hall$ then another as I tried to trace y way !ack to the ele&ators" I ree!ered correctly and

    was soon %ushing the down !utton" As I stood there waiting for it to arri&e I read the directory to see where I

    would like to go to kill soe tie !efore returning to the roo for dinner at se&en"

    )he nursery on the aturity ward,s floor caught y attention 'ust as the doors o%ened" I only had to go

    down three floors" *hen I walked out into the hallway$ there was a floor a% in front of e and I followed the

    arrow to the right and then one ore to turn a corner" A!out three e!ers of the staff walked %ast e in the

    hallway$ !ut no one sto%%ed to ask e who I was there to &isit or to find out if I was su%%ose to !e on that floor

    at all" *hen I saw the glass wall$ where the !a!ies sle%t and were shown off$ I looked in to only see that three

    !a!ies were in there"

    It was also saller than I thought it would ha&e !een" I ree!er reading how ost hos%itals were

    ha&ing the others kee% their !a!ies in there roos fro !irth until they were discharged a!out two days later

    if there were no co%lications" .ut I still e%ected a roo where they would !e %re%ared to deal with the

    nu!er of !irths that a city would generate in ratio to how any !eds they had filled on their !usiest day" I

    reached out and touched the frae of the window and looked down at a !a!y !oy that was slee%ing and

    thought that we wouldn,t !e crowding out his faily when our friends and faily coe for when our child is

    !orn"

    "ur child.

    ####

    )hree #ours ;ater

    6666

    “I already feel like I,&e gi&en !irth$” Frank said as he shifted his weight again" *e were eating dinner in

    his roo as I looked across our ta!le at hi$ not feeling his %ain$ !ut wishing he didn,t ha&e to go through it at

    the sae tie" I didn,t end u% s%ending that uch tie wondering around the hos%ital like I thought I would

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    ha&e" I was a wreck as I %aced and tried to sit in the waiting roo when he was in surgery and that seeed to

    ha&e tired e out ore then I thought" *hen I got !ack to the roo I 'ust fell aslee% and sle%t with hi until

    the nurse cae and woke us u% with food"

    *e s%ent a few a inute looking it o&er after the lady left as we wondered what she had !rought us"

    Frank was hungry so we ate and talked again once he had slowed down" *hat the food was ight ha&e !een

    questiona!le$ !ut we knew it wouldn,t kill us" At least that is what I !elie&ed until we got to what was la!eled

    fish on the list they left with each tray" I hadn,t had fish in a nu!er of years$ !ut I was sure this wasn,t what it

    tasted like"

    “It,s fro the %rocess of taking out the ercury$” he infored e as he too %oked at it with his fork

    after one !ite" I now knew that I was ne&er eating fish again"

    “+o you ree!er those %ictures that we saw in the 4"+")" %a%hlets?” I asked hi as I ignored the

    fish and o&ed on to the fruit salad"

    “*hich ones?” he asked as he dared to eat soe ore of the fish"

    “)he hos%ital ones$” I answered" “)hey showed a !ank of cri!s on one side of a glass wall and a crowd

    of %eo%le looking at the fro the other side$” I e%lained"

    “Yeah$ I ree!er$” he said after taking a si% of water" “)hat was in the #istory of 4aternity

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    “Cood e&ening$” a nurse I,&e ne&er seen !efore said as she entered our roo" “4y nae is -urse

    4ayfield" #ow was your dinner?” she asked with a !right sile as she stood !etween our !eds$ net to the

    %i&oting ta!les that was attached to the" *e looked at each other and siled"

    “I lo&ed the fruit salad$” I told her with a sile honestly %laced on y face"

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      Part @

    3nce we were hoe$ things continued as they had !efore the surgery" )he only real difference was that

    his edications had dou!led to now include anti0re'ection edication" *e !oth went to work$ we !oth cae

    hoe tired and on the weekends$ when we felt like it$ we ate out with or without friends"

    *hat little eciteent that cre%t into our li&es cae fro outside our hoe" Frank got a %rootion$ I

    was alost hit !y one of the new anti0gra&ity trucks that got !u%ed slightly out of it,s lane during our tri%

    through the #ensley !uilding" )hey had already done tests and deeed it tie and safe$ to try a deli&ery aong

    the %o%ulation" ;uckily it ade its way !ack into its lane and only gouged ten feet out of the road"

    )he check u%s are going well" 3h$ that reinds e$ there was one oent a!out a week after the

    surgery when he %o%%ed soe of his stitches" #e was ore frantic a!out the !lood than I was" 3nce we !oth

    reali/ed that it wasn,t as !ad as it looked$ I sealed it with the skin glue we had in the first aid kit" In the orning$

    Frank sto%%ed off !y at his doctor that was assigned to us !y the 4"+")" %rogra" )hey said that it was &ery

    su%erficial and that it was alost healed" So he sealed hi u% again with a hos%ital grade &ersion of skin glue

    instead of ore stitches"

    A onth and a week ha&e now %assed since Frank,s i%lantation and we ha&e an a%%ointent

    toorrow with our assigned doctor to see if we got the green light to go ahead with the i%regnation" *e

    already got the letter saying that all y %ain hel%ed in the creation of four e!ryos" )wo !oys and two girls and

    that we had to now choose" *e talked a little a!out which we should choose or if it was soething that we

    wanted to lea&e it u% to the doctors to sur%rise us" I, sure we will talk a!out it again tonight once I get hoe"

    666

    End 3f Entry

    666

    I ste%%ed off the ele&ator and walked towards the rece%tion desk that was forty feet fro the eit" I

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    wa&ed to Ali and .ert who were on shift today as I walked !y" I soon sat in the !ack of an auto ca! as it dro&e

    e hoe" )here wasn,t uch snow on the ground$ !ut I didn,t like dri&ing this tie of the year at all"

    6666

    3ne and #alf hours later

    6666

    “#on?” I called out as I walked into a lit hallway" I %ulled y keys out of the lock and tossed the into

    soe Indian iitation straw !owl that was worthless e&en though we %aid a!out twenty dollars for it" “Frank?”

    I called out again as the door closed !ehind e and I walked towards to closet to hang u% y coat"

    “In the dining roo$” he called !ack" It wasn,t often that we actually ate in the roo$ so I thought that

    he had a soe %a%erwork to show e"

    “.e right there$” I answered as I looked down at y snow !oots" I %ressed on the release !utton for

    three seconds and let go !efore I heard the whooshing sound that acco%anied the feel of air and s%ace that

    started to encircle y feet" .y the tie I released the !utton on the other !oot$ I was a!le to %ull the first one

    off" A inute later I was walking in y stocking feet across our !a!oo floor and into the dining roo" I

    sto%%ed in the arch way as the sight !efore e held no %a%er work" #ard co%y or digital"

    4y hus!and was standing on the other side of a shrunken down &ersion of our dining ta!le" All the

    inserts had taken out so it now only easured one eter length wise" It was co&ered in a dark red ta!le cloth

    that I don,t think I,&e e&er seen in this house" )he eal$ that selled Indian$ wasn,t laying on our dishes !ut

    take out0eat in co%ost %lates" I walked closer with a sile on y face thinking how sweet it all way" I was

    within ar,s reach of the ta!le when Frank %icked u% a !lue flower$ that was laying net to his %late and %laced

    it in the sli e%ty &ase that sat under the di light$ in the iddle of the ta!le" 4usic was triggered and we

    were instantly surrounded !y orchestra usic that I see to kinda ree!er"

    “*hat,s the occasion?” I asked as he o&ed around to hug and kiss e" I tasted the wine on his li%s

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    !efore I looked down to see his half e%ty glass"

    “I 'ust thought it would !e nice$” he said !efore kissing e again" “After all$ our li&es won,t !e our own

    uch longer$” he reinded e as he went to stand !ehind y chair" I didn,t res%ond since I didn,t really know

    what to say or if I should say anything at all" Any of y old coe !acks that I felt like reaching for would ha&e

     'ust hurt hi and that was one thing I didn,t want to do tonight"

    “S%eaking of which$” Franck continued as he now took his own seat" “I thought that a nice relaing eal

    in a cal atos%here would hel% us decide if we should ha&e a !oy or a girl" After all it,s not like we can ha&e

    one of each$” he said with a sall sile" If I didn,t know !etter$ I could !elie&e that he would do that if he could"

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    wouldn,t let hi get out of it that easy"

    “So you would ake either one of the take !irth control fro the a%%ro&ed aged until they are legal

    at twenty one?” I asked hi"

    “I thought that was a gi&en?” he questioned !ack"

    “You were the one that argued against it when we watched the news feed" )he !oy was eighteen and

    he argued that his %arents shouldn,t !e allowed to control his a!ility to re%roduce" I thought you agreed?” I

    asked as I sta!!ed a %iece of %otato with y fork"

    “I said that he wouldn,t ha&e to file the suit if we hadn,t changed the age of consent and when we

    deterined$ !y law$ what would !e “of age”$” Frank answered"

    “In the S$” I tacked on"

    “In the S$” he agreed"

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      Part

    I sat net to a !ed$ in a hos%ital roo$ which Frank was laying in as he surfed the &ideo feeds" I looked

    down at y watch again" 3nly two inutes had %assed since the last tie and I think y heart rate had s%iked

    a little" I was a!out to reach for y %hone$ to let the office know that I was going to !e later than I first told

    the$ when the door to the roo o%ened" +r" ;airs$ our 4"+")" assigned doctor$ walks into the roo" #e wasn,t

    looking at us as he cae to a sto% at the foot of the !ed" 3nce he had co%leted reading what he wanted$ he

    raised his head and flashed us a sile"

    “Cood afternoon 4r" and 4rs" )eal$” he greeted us"

    “+octor$” I answered !ack"

    “+r" ;airs$” Frank said instead"

    “So how has your day !eing going so far?” he asked as he tried to connect with us again" I didn,t !lae

    hi for trying to ake soething out of his day and getting to know his %atients" .ut y i%atience had

    soured y ood"

    “3k$ I guess$” y hus!and answered for !oth of us" “Bust anious a!out the %rocedure$” he ended"

    “*ell I, here to ake sure e&erything goes soothly$” +r" ;airs told us" “Your !lood work and

    horone le&els are great" Your !lood %ressure and other arkers are where we want the to !e$” he said as he

    gestured to the cli%!oard in his hand" “All that is left is for you to tell e if we are ha&ing a !oy or a girl$” he said

    with a sile that I !elie&ed to !e real"

    “A !oy$” Frank told hi !efore he looked at e" I returned the sile that he was s%orting"

    “)hen a !oy it is$” +r" ;airs said as he %ulled a %en fro his 'acket and wrote soething on the cli%!oard

    on three different %ages that he swi%ed across the screen to access" “I,ll send the nurse to get you in a inute$”

    he told Frank" #e then looked u% at e after he attached the %en to the cli%!oard" “You can wait here$ or

    downstairs in the o&ie theater" )he whole %rocedure should !e finished in a!out two hours and you,ll !e a!le

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    to take hi hoe then$” he e%lained" I nodded in res%onse" As I turned to Frank$ I saw the doctor turning to

    lea&e the roo"

    “You are not watching Electric Shee% without e$” he said 'okingly" I siled as I leaned in to kiss his

    nose and then his li%s !efore I felt$ ore than heard$ soeone waiting in the roo" *e !oth turned and saw a

    nurse standing at the foot of his !ed with a clear glass of aqua !lue liquid in their hand"

    “4r" )eal$” he said as he walked to the other side of the !ed holding out the glass for Frank to drink"

    Frank looked at it" “It,s %e%%erint fla&ored$” he said as a for of encourageent"

    “*ill this %ut e to slee%?” Frank asked hi"

    “-o" It,s 'ust so we can tell your !ladder fro your uterus$” he re%lied"

    “3h$” he said !efore taking the glass fro the nurse to gi&e it a closer look" -ot that there was uch to

    look at" “.ottos u% then$” he said !efore downing it all in one go"

    6666

    I had o%ted to go to watch a o&ie instead since I didn,t want to 'ust wait for two hours in a stark

    hos%ital roo" It was ore of a D9 e%erience since they couldn,t really run a ulti0roo o&ie theater in a

    hos%ital" )he sall roos were nice and you could choose to !e fully iersed or to 'ust watch the o&ie on a

    fi&e !y eight foot screen that was %art of a !lank wall when it wasn,t !eing used"

    I couldn,t ha&e watched Electric Shee% e&en if I wanted" )heir &ideo li!rary was only as current as the

    latest for sale releases" I ended u% !eing drawn to a o&ie that I watched a lot when I was younger$ !ut hadn,t

    seen in years" Aa/ingly$ the eories it half con'ured as I sat there ree!ering the scenes weren,t all !ad"

    As I rode the ele&ator to Frank,s floor$ I looked u% to see what tie it was" It had !een two hours and

    siteen inutes since I saw hi !eing wheeled out of the roo" )he !o I was standing in sto%%ed o&ing$ a

    !ell dinged and the doors o%ened to let e lea&e" A few inutes later I found the nu!er for his roo and

    walked in to see hi ha&ing a con&ersation with +r" ;airs" I walked to Frank,s side and held his hand !efore I

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    kissed his forehead and looked into his face" #e didn,t look to !e in %ain or worst for wear" I then turned to the

    doctor who I had cut off with y a%%earance"

    666

    End 3f Entry

    666

    “Sorry for !eing late$” I told the !oth of the while looking at +r" ;airs"

    “It,s alright$” the doctor said" “I 'ust got here$” he told e" “So$” he started$ showing that he was a!out

    to re%eat what he 'ust told Frank " “#e is on !ed rest of the rest of the day" #e doesn,t actually ha&e to !e in

    !ed$ !ut he is to recline or lay down for the rest of the day" )oorrow he ay resue noral acti&ities once

    they aren,t too straining" )he e!ryo hasn,t attached itself yet$ so we are trying to kee% it in the neigh!orhood

    of where we %laced it$” he e%lained" “.y day three you can do 'ust a!out e&erything again$” he ended"

    “Bust a!out?” Frank asked"

    “*ell$ hea&y uterus !ouncing acti&ities are clearly restricted" So no water skiing$ 'ogging$ se$ or any

    other high i%act acti&ities until after the %regnancy test$” he tells us"

    “*ell$” I said !efore %ausing for effect" “*e don,t ski$” I said as I %atted Frank,s hand"

    “You could ha&e lead with no se$” Frank told hi" “I hate 'ogging and try to a&oid anyway$” he said"

    “#aha$” the doctor laughed" “)he %regnancy test is in two weeks$” he ended with a sile" *hy did it

    gi&e hi %leasure to tell us we couldn,t ha&e se for two weeks?

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      Part 1

    “Paul told e not to get you these$ !ut I 'ust had to e&en if you ne&er wear the$” :ari said as she

    handed e a !o" It was our !a!y shower$ !ut I still e%ected ost$ if not all$ of the gifts to !e gi&en to Frank"

    E&eryone looked on as I %ulled off the ri!!on and then the !lue and white stri%ed wra%%ing %a%er" I lifted the

    lid of a !o that was a!out one !y two feet to find two tee0shirts folded net to each other that had writing on

    the" I %icked u% one and read it out loud"

    “I, not fat$ I, %regnant"” I looked o&er at :ari"

    “)hat one is for Frank$” she e%lained" “)he other one is yours$” she said with a wide sile still on her

    face" I handed that one to the an sitting net to e and reached for the other tee$ half con&inced that I

    already knew what it said"

    “I, not %regnant$ I, fat"” I once again looked in :ari,s direction"

    “)he guy I !ought it fro said that a woan use to hate ha&ing %eo%le think she was fat when she was

    %regnant so the shirt ke%t %eo%le fro %utting their feet in their ouths" As for the other one that says I, fat$

    that was norally for the hus!and who soeties gained weight along with his wife$” she said still siling"

    “Isn,t it cool and funny?” she asked us" I 'ust wasn,t sure" I wasn,t really offended$ and I could see why she liked

    it$ !ut it wasn,t soething I would la!el as cool"

    “*here did you find the?” Eric asked her as I folded and %laced the !ack in their !o" )hey ight

    ne&er see the light of day again"

    “)ry this one$” )erry said as he handed Frank a taller !o"

    “3h$ it,s cute$” Frank said as he looked down into the now o%en !o" #e then %ulls out this green thing

    that turned out to !e a !ig stuffed toy frog"

    “)here,s ore$” )erry ha%%y %ointed out as Frank ga&e e the toy" I looked at its ha%%y face for a few

    seconds !efore turning y attention to see what else was in the !o" -et were soe little shoes that had a

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    little frog on the front" )hen there was soething of a towel or !lanket that also had an a%%lique of the frog on

    one corner"

    “)he shoes are cute )erry$” Frank said" “.ut he won,t !e walking for awhile$” he said with a sile"

    “)hey are !ath sli%%er$ not shoes$” he corrected hi" “Soething to kee% his feet war until you get

    hi into socks or soething else$” he said with a shrug" “And that is a hooded towel$” )erry e%lained as he

    %ointed to what I thought was a !lanket" “)here should !e two wash cloths in there also$” he said with soe

    concern" Frank held u% the towel and let it unfold once he didn,t find the in the !o" *e then saw as they

    tu!led into his la%"

    “)here we go$” I said as I reached for the"

    “You know this shower is early right?” :ari said once we %acking things away"

    “Early?” I asked" “Frank is %regnant$” I infored her"

    “I ean a !a!y shower is norally thrown during the last triester$” she told e"

    “*ell we wanted to get the gifts !efore we went sho%%ing for e&erything else$” Frank said"

    “*ell$ you would ha&e gotten y gift a !it ore if you were !igger$” she aied at hi" #e siled !efore

    he got u% and walked o&er to where she was sitting and ga&e her a hug"

    “It,s a &ery funny gift :ari" )hank you$” he told her !efore walking !ack to e"

    “I said cool" -ot funny$” she said as Frank took his seat$ !ut she wasn,t truly !eing arguentati&e as she

    siled at !oth of us so I didn,t correct her that she said funny too"

    6666

    )wo hours later

    6666

    “*e need ore friends$” Frank said as we looked down at the sall %ile of gifts we had gotten"

    “I, not aking ore friends to get ore !a!y stuff$” I told hi as I turned to look around the !a!y,s

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    roo" -ot that you would know it" .esides the colorful grou%ing of things that 'ust entered the s%ace$ it was as

    !are as it has e&er !een" At least we didn,t ha&e to %aint it" I think"

    “)he green is a good shade right?” I asked Frank"

    “I think so$” he slowly said"

    “+on,t worry$” I told hi with a %at on his shoulder" “If we decide to change the color we will get

    %rofessionals to do the %ainting"”

    “-ow there is a gift$” he said with a laugh" “.ut no$ I don,t really think we need to change it" *e 'ust

    need to wi%e down the walls$” he told e"

    “Cood$” I said !efore turning to lea&e"

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      Part 11

    )he net few onths %assed uch like the onths !efore" *e went to work" Frank took his shots" I

    acco%anied hi to a!out half of his check0u%s" #e was doing well" Progressing !eautifully according to the

    doctors" As we entered his second triester$ he started to co%lain a!out the etra weight that he was carrying

    and gaining ore of" #e also swears that he felt the !a!y kick$ !ut e&erything I tried to feel it along with hi I

    didn,t feel anything" .y his third triester I had to !uy hi his own !ed and a new chair that could now su%%ort

    his !ack and ele&ate his feet that were either swollen or in %ain fro also carrying the etra weight that they

    didn,t think they were ade to deal with" *hich is a little true"

    3nce he was coforta!le and no longer in %ain$ it was only a atter of tie !efore I would find hi

    !eing in awe of his condition and that he was carrying our son"

    “Fucking Pricks(” I heard !efore the front door was slaed" I shut down y 'ournal and headed

    downstairs"

    “Frank?” I called out worriedly as I tried to reach hi without sli%%ing down the ste%s" “Frank?” I called

    again once I reached the ground floor" I turned y head in the direction of the kitchen as I heard soething

    !eing !anged around fro that direction" I grew a !it ore cautious as I neared the roo and %eeked in to see

    what was going on" “Frank?” I asked again as I looked at his !ack" #e was standing in front of the sink with his

    !ack to e as he held on to the counter with !oth hands"

    “I, alright$” he said a few seconds later" I walked into the roo and noticed the sandwich on the ta!le

    that he went out for" #e was cra&ing a &eggie eat!all sandwich$ so he decided to get soe eercise in and

    walk the fi&e !locks to the nearest .. chain to get one instead of ha&ing it deli&ered"

    I was close enough to hear hi !reathing now and he was !reathing hard" I %laced y hand in the

    iddle of his !ack to feel hi shaking" It was so !ad I could say he was &i!rating" I couldn,t tell if it was fro

    fear or anger"

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    “Frank?” I said again as I !ecae ore concerned and knew that soething had ha%%ened that he

    wasn,t telling e" “*hat ha%%ened?” I finally got around to asking hi"

    “Bust soe stu%id kids$” he said" I ru!!ed y hand u% and down his !ack as I waited to see if he would

    continue" “It,s really alright$” he told e again" “I 'ust need to cal down$” he said !efore wa&ing his hand o&er

    the faucet to ake it %roduce water" 4y hand sto%%ed o&ing as I watched y hus!and wash !lood fro his

    fingers$ %als and halfway u% his ar" )he water flowed o&er sall nicks in his skin that 'ust ade ore !lood

    run down his ar"

    “:ids?” I asked hi sounding far caler than I felt"

    “Baie"""” Frank started"

    “-o(” I cut hi off" “)ell e a!out these kids"” I deand of hi" #e wa&ed his hand again and the water

    sto%%ed" #e turned and gra!!ed a %a%er towel fro the roll and wi%ed his hands !efore turning around to look

    at e"

    “Se&enteen or so$” he said as he shrugged his shoulders" I felt yself go %ale"

    “A gang of se&enteen kids did this to you and you say it was nothing(” I shouted in rage and horror"

    “-o" -o" -ot se&enteen kids$” Frank quickly said as he reached out for y shoulders" “)he kids were

    a!out se&enteen years old$” he corrected e" “)here were only two of the$” he added on" )he iage I saw in

    y head of hi !eing surrounded !y a gang of isfits !oiled down to two idiots who didn,t really understand

    what they were doing" )hat didn,t ean that I didn,t want to %uel the any less"

    “You are still filing a re%ort$” I told hi" #e looked at e and I looked !ack" nflinchingly"

    “All right$” he said when he was con&inced that he wouldn,t !e a!le to change y ind" I first took

    %ictures of his in'uries with y %hone that I had in one of y %ockets" I didn,t e%ect ore than two$ !ut I

    ended u% finding fi&e" 3ne was on his neck$ two on his hands$ one in the iddle of his left %al and one on his

    chest that was 'ust a !ruise"

    I then sat !ack and listened as he called the0re%ort0a0crie line" #e ga&e the his nae$ age$ gender$

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    %hysical condition$ destination$ where the indecent occurred and at what tie" 3nce he ga&e those !ulleted

    outlines$ he was then allowed to record his stateent" *hen he stated that he was finished$ he was notified

    that they were a!le to find the incident in their &ideo !anks" #e was then asked if he had any %hotos of his

    in'uries that he wanted to add to his co%laint" #e said that he did and he re%eated to e the address to send

    the to$ along with the case nu!er I was su%%ose to use in the su!'ect"

    )hey had us hold while they waited for the e0ail to arri&e and to o&e the %hotos to his case file"

    *hen we were taken off hold$ we were told that his case file now also included the naes of his attackers" )hey

    ran their faces$ fro the &ideo$ through their data!ase and that they will !e %icked u% at their earliest

    con&enience" Frank told the %erson thank you$ !efore walking o&er to our wall ounted calendar and entering

    soe inforation" I sat where I was and waited through three yeses and a thank you !efore he hung u%" #e

    leaned against the wall and tilted his !ack with his eyes closed !efore raising his hand to his swollen stoach"

    “)hanks Baie$” he said without looking in y direction" I %laced y %hone on the ta!le and walked

    o&er to hi" I hugged hi fro the side and held hi close"

    “You ha&e nothing to thank e for$” I told hi" It was true$ he didn,t"

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      Part 12

    )oorrow is our halfway %oint ea for his third triester" Frank is now officially on edical lea&e and I

    feel like s%ending the day with hi$ so I, taking the day off toorrow as well" After our check u%$ which is at

    ten a$ I think we ight go see a idday o&ie" )here won,t !e any %eo%le there since ost of the would

    !e working or gra!!ing lunch"

    )he incident with the !oys that attacked Frank went o&er a !it ore soothly than I e%ected" )hey

    didn,t shout at us for calling the co%s on the" )hey e&en seeed a little sorry$ !ut I wasn,t" You 'ust don,t

    decide to coit a hate crie for fun" )he 'udge ruled it a hate crie since they said they thought he was$ and

    I quote$ “a sissy hooseual who wanted to ha&e kids coe out his ass"”" Frank had to hold e down when I

    heard that" *ho says ,sissy, anyore and they are idiots to think en ga&e !irth that way"

    )hey !oth had records so !eing under twenty0one wasn,t going to kee% the out of %rison this tie"

    *hat did was an offer that cae fro our attorney" )his seeed to !e what she and y hus!and had !een

    talking a!out !ehind y !ack" She was a!le to con&ince the 'udge that the !oys needed to !e educated along

    with !eing %unished and %erha%s hel% other %eo%le in the %rocess"

    )hey were tagged like ice$ %laced in a secure halfway house$ and %ut to work in a hos%ital" E&ery day

    they were to !e %icked u% fro their halfway house and taken to the hos%ital" )hey stay there until they are

    collected at the end of their assigned shifts and !rought !ack to the halfway house" )hey were not allowed to

    lea&e the house for anything" )he !oys are to ser&e their three years sentence in se%arate halfway houses and

    in different hos%itals" 3nce their three years are o&er$ they ha&e the o%tion of staying with that 'o! or finding

    other work" I %ersonally don,t care what they did$ !ut I was a little %roud of y Frank for thinking a!out what

    ha%%ened to the afterwards"

    S%eaking of afterwards$ !ecause free la!or$ 'ail house or otherwise$ isn,t allowed !y law$ the hos%itals

    will !e de%ositing their %ay$ at state standards$ into an account that they will set u% for the" )hey$ as in the

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     'ustice de%artent" 3nce their sentence is u%$ the accounts will !e handed o&er for the to do with as they

    %leased" )his wasn,t talked of in front of the !oys$ !ut it was %art of the o&erall deal that the 'udge ade with

    our attorney"

    666

    End 3f Entry

    666

    666

    “Bunior sees to !eing quite fine$” +r" ;airs said as he %ut down his cli%!oard" “#e,s the correct si/e and

    a%%roiate weight" You don,t show any signs of distress and the sa%le of aniotic fluid was clear and

    contained a healthy %# le&el" You also ha&e ore than enough to ake sure he has great lungs when he is

    !orn$” +r" ;airs said with a sile"

    “#ear that$” Frank told e" “#e,s going to !e screaer"” I tried not to wince as I saw a loud three a

    feeding in&ading y ind"

    “So that,s it$” +r" ;airs said after a oent" “nless soething goes wrong$ which I don,t think will

    ha%%en$ the net tie I see you$ we will !e deli&ering your son$” he said with a grin" I siled !ack as a refle"

    “-ow don,t walk around too uch today and ha&e soe li&er e&ery now and again if you aren,t eating that

    uch of it to !egin with$” he told us !efore heading out the door"

    “;i&er$” Frank said in disgust" “*hy not soe ore !eans or s%inach or tofu? #e had to say li&er$” he

    gru!led as I hel%ed hi to stand"

    “.ecause you ha&en,t had that uch of it?” I offered u% as an answer as he ade his way to the

    !athroo to %ee and change !ack into his clothes" E&er since wheat grains were reo&ed fro their high %lace

    in the daily diet %lan$ the !utchers and their su%%liers$ ha&e !een ore than ha%%y to reo&e such things as

    horone treatents and anti!iotics$ that weren,t ostly needed now that %asture0roaing cattle was cited as

    the only way to grow the li&estock$ to hel% with the transition" )hey$ the eat su%%liers$ try their hardest to

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    %resent the eat eating %o%ulation with different kinds of eats also$ and that actually hel%ed to reduce the

    cow %o%ulation in the %rocess" So I should !e a!le to get a good %rice for a few %ounds of li&er when I get

    around to doing the sho%%ing !efore going to slee% tonight"

    3f course that didn,t ean that !read akers went away" *ho doesn,t like soe fresh !read e&ery

    once in awhile? And what would sandwich akers like Su!way and .. do? *ell$ soe of the grew their own$

    !ut on the whole$ it cut the aount of the har&ested cro% in the S and raised %rices for all flour !ased

    %roducts"

    666

    )he o&ie was great$ the lunch after was 'ust as ha%%ily en'oyed$ and we sat in the %ark watching

    %eo%le$ !irds$ children$ !ikers$ co%s$ carriages$ flashers$ horses and runners$ as they %assed us !y until Frank

    needed his na%" *e walked 'ust a few feet$ !ack the way we cae$ to end u% on the sidewalk where I hailed an

    auto ca! to take use hoe"

    )he ride hoe turned out to !e a !it ore e&entful than %erha%s watching Frank fall aslee%" #e

    ecitedly told e that the !a!y was kicking again" #e gra!!ed y hand and %laced it on the left side of his !elly$

    !efore I had a chance to say anything$ and I felt the i%rint of a foot coing in contact with y hand" I %ulled

    y hand away quickly since it wasn,t soething one considered noral" .ut then I slowly %laced y hand !ack

    and I felt it again" I looked u% at Frank and he was grinning fro ear to ear !efore he reached for his %hone and

    took a shot of y hand o&er his shirt"

    “:ari is going to !e 'ealous of you$” he said as he started to ty%e away" I 'ust soothed y hand o&er his

    stoach a few ties$ !ut the ride ended without ore kicking" 3nce hoe I walked Frank u% to our roo and

    hel%ed hi get undressed and into !ed" #e %ulled e !ack !y the ar and kissed e on the li%s in a way that I

    wished didn,t show how tired he was"

    “I,ll wake you u% for dinner$” I %roised hi !efore lea&ing the roo and heading down to y

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    co%uter" I wanted to see if there was anything there I could do today$ for work$ !efore !rushing off y

    cooking skills to ake dinner for the first tie in weeks"

    I ended u% on a reci%e feed that I had su!scri!ed to when we first agreed to do this" It has healthy

    reci%es along with con&erted reci%es for all the ingredients that were no longer ade$ what we re%laced the

    with and the new ingredients and foods we were now eating on a larger scale" I, %retty sure y grandother

    ne&er ade ostrich ragu with cloned toatoes and ser&ed o&er s%inach and green %eas %asta" *ell ay!e the

    %asta"

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      Part 15

    Frank was laying in his chair when the door!ell rang" I checked y watch and saw as it lit u% telling e

    that our ride had arri&ed" Frank was half standing !y the tie I ade it to his side" *e walked out of the roo

    and down the short hall that se%arated us fro the front door"

    “Are you sure that you don,t want e to coe with you?” I asked hi for the third tie since we woke

    u%"

    “Yes$ I, sure$” he tells e again" “

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    “A!out what?” I %ro%ted hi as I went !ack to doing what I was in the iddle of as I ke%t an ear o%en

    for when he started to talk again" I wanted to get as uch done today so I won,t !e too issed toorrow or the

    day afterwards" )hat reinds e" I o&ed o&er to the drawer in y desk and %ulled out y request for

    aternity lea&e" Frank got u% to a year fro his 'o! since he was the one gi&ing !irth" I$ as his %artner$ only got

    si onths off for the first year of our child,s life" I could take a solid onth off fro the day ;awrence is !orn$

    which ost likely will !e toorrow$ !ut I won,t !e a!le to last that long not working" So y lea&e only asked for

    two weeks at this tie" 4ay!e in another onth$ I,ll take two ore weeks off"

    “A!out what?” 4r"

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    going" I told the that no one was allowed to tell e what they %icked or influence e in any way$ and that

    whoe&er did win had to share soe of the s%oils" )hat was three weeks ago" I didn,t e&en ree!er it was

    going on until soeone starts to ask what nae I cae u% with" )hat could !e why I didn,t %ress to %ick a nae

    !efore we did"

    “3k$ ok"” he says as he !acks away" “.ut honestly$ congratulations$” 4r"

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    with the good stuff"

    “*hat a great last eal$” he says as he %ushes his %late aside to ake roo for the cake I %resue"

    “)his is for after you gi&e !irth" #ence the nae !irthday cake$” I infored hi"

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      Part 17

    3ur 'ourney of concei&ing$ carrying and gi&ing !irth to our child coes to an end today" Frank is still

    slee%ing$ !ut in an hour or so a nurse will coe in and wake hi u% to start %re%%ing hi for his c0section"

    -orally I would ha&e woken hi$ !ut since he couldn,t eat !reakfast$ I let hi slee%" )he %ast twenty0two

    onths$ three weeks and fi&e days ha&e gone ore or less the way I e%ected" )he slight cancer scare fro

    !efore we e&en really started anything$ wasn,t soething we would ha&e e&en considered ha%%ening"

    Frank has earned a new le&el of res%ect fro e fro not only wanting to do this$ !ut how he

    weathered e&erything it threw at hi" I e&en sur%rised yself at how y attitude has changed fro the

    oent he !rought u% the to%ic$ to now where I, feeling ner&ous at eeting our son$ and looking forward to

    hel%ing hi grow u%" I, not going to think to hard a!out it since I can already feel soe of y old %oints

    starting to coe !ack a!out why I was against this is the first %lace" .ut I, set on !eing ha%%y" 3n !eing

    o%tiistic" 3n !eing there for the !oth of the"

    6666

    I felt like a chea% !irthday gift all co&ered in dis%osa!le scru!s and ask with glo&es$ while walking

    down the hallway holding Frank,s hand as he was !eing wheeled towards surgery" As funny as I felt$ I was ore

    concerned for Frank" #is hand was cold and I, sure it was shaking too" It,s the first tie that he has really

    shown any fear concerning what we were doing" I squee/ed his hand as I looked down into his face" I siled

    reassuringly !ut still saw soe worry as he siled !ack" It was soething to !e worried a!out$ so I wasn,t

    sur%rised that it wasn,t so easily alle&iated"

    *hen we arri&ed at the roo we were taken right in$ !ut se%arated as a swar of hos%ital %ersonnel

    descended on Frank to in'ect tu!es$ set u% the ta!le with the di&iding curtain$ and dra%e his lower half in green

    %a%er after washing hi down with disinfectant !efore they o&ed away to %osition thesel&es at their

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    res%ecti&e stations" 3nce I could see Frank,s face again I o&ed to his side and held his hand as I sat down on

    the chair that I !elie&e was %laced there for e"

    666

    End 3f Entry

    666

    “Is e&eryone ready?” I heard the doctor ask !efore I looked o&er the curtain and saw hi looking

    around at this tea for confiration" *hen no one &oiced a %rotest$ he !ent down and cut along soe lines

    that soeone had already arked on Frank,s !ody" I turned away and looked at his face again to see that he

    had closed his eyes$ and was !reathing through his outh$ as if he was %re%aring to feel %ain" I ke%t y head

    down and continued to watch as he only showed ild indications of feeling anything"

    “And we are out$” the doctor %roclaied a!out fifteen inutes later" I looked u% to see hi handing a

    large$ round sooth ass off to another tea$ while he hiself turned !ack to y hus!and,s !ody" I followed

    his o&eents !efore I quickly sat down fro what I saw" I held y hand o&er y outh e&en as I !reathed

    dee%ly" I was only slightly aware that Frank was look at e while I did this" It was when he squee/ed y hand

    did I ree!er and reali/ed how I ust look to hi"

    “I shouldn,t ha&e looked$” I si%ly said" I siled weakly with y hand now away fro y outh$ !ut

    the iage I saw of hi still had e feeling queasy" #e siled !ack at e with understanding"

    “4rs" )eal$ would you like to cut to cord?” was a question that cae fro the other side of the roo" I

    didn,t think they would ha&e asked e$ !ut then I didn,t think of it at all" I looked down at Frank and he nodded

    his head for e to go 'ust as I selt !urning flesh"

    “It,s alright" I can,t really feel anything outside of soe tugging$” he tells e as he lets go of y hand"

    “Alright$” I told hi !efore I stood and walked o&er to the ta!le that was surrounded !y three %eo%le" If 

    one of the was a doctor also$ I couldn,t tell" *hen I was within fi&e feet of the ta!le$ they %arted and I saw a

    !a!y laying in the iddle of an o%en""" organ" I took that to !e the artificial uterus that I saw as a sooth ass a

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    few inutes ago" 3n the !a!y,s left side was what I !elie&ed to !e the %lacenta which was 'oined to hi &ia the