Overcoming Obstacles in

Meetings and Consult

PENT Forum 2005

Overcoming Obstacles in Meetings and Consultations

First, Your Own, Then Others’

Adam Stein

Sonoma County SELPA

Foundation, Formulation, Philosophy

Here’s mine: you get more of what you pay attention to

You see what you believe You hear what you expect You are driven by your view of the world, its

people, and yourself The better you know yourself, the better you will

understand the world and other people.

What’s wrong with being right?

Sometimes being right can hinder an agreement from being reached, or hamper relationship building.

Ask yourself: will being right resolve this issue? Will it make me feel better over time?

Here are some thoughts on being right.

On Being Right…

Human beings are perhaps never more frightening than when they are convinced beyond doubt that they are right. Laurens Van der Post, The Lost World of the Kalahari

(1958) A child becomes an adult when he realizes that he has a right

not only to be right but also to be wrong. Thomas Szasz, The Second Sin (1973) "Chi

One of the hardest things in this world is to admit you are wrong. And nothing is more helpful in resolving a situation than its frank admission. Benjamin Disreali

The Present of Our Presence

The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.

-Thich Nhat Hanh

Obstacles to Success

1. Fear Your own: fear of saying the wrong thing or

of not being accepted as credible. Your own: fear of missing something. Your own: fear of our suggestions not working

More Obstacles

1. Fear Others’: fear or distrust of being let down,

may be based on history with you or what you represent

Others’: Fear of getting too much work Others’: Fear of failing, or how to do

something requested

More Obstacles

“Yes” people May agree to do almost anything but don’t

follow through or even implement. Watch for:

don’t write things down. Little reflection Seldom or never say no. History of this

More Obstacles

“No” people, aka “Yes, but…” May refuse even to make eye contact. Sounds like: “I’ve tried that before and it

doesn’t work” “I couldn’t possibly do that; I have 3 other

kids!” “Maybe we should be talking about a

different placement.”

“No” People

Watch for: arms crossed, clock watching, not writing anything down, cold greeting

More Obstacles

Maintaining Effort Looks like: People start and then stop

interventions/plans Can be due to illness and missing work Can be due to student’s behavioral spike Can be due to disagreement among staff Can be due to lack of data collection Can be due to passive aggressiveness Can be due to poor understanding of plan

What do you do?

For all of these challenges, you must do your homework well. Who are the people you’ll be consulting with?

Their interests Their histories Their biases

What are your intended outcomes, and theirs? You must know this right at the start!

What do you do?

Seek to satisfy both yourself and your consultees!

Seek the three satisfactions!

Ask yourself this question:

“If I were _____’s parent, I would see/think/feel/want…”

“If I were ______’s teacher, I would see/think/feel/want…”

The Three Satisfactions

Procedural: How we are going to talk about what we talk about. Setting up any meeting! It matters! Setting the tone: early contact, positive contact Defining agenda items and intended outcomes Gathering information Preplanning No surprises Respectful tone

The Three Satisfactions

Substantive: The quality of the solution or outcome of the meeting Building consensus (true consensus!) Defining solutions and proposals: are they

SMART? (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Timely).

Mutually acceptable agreements

The Three Satisfactions

Relational: When the parties feel better Breaking bread, or even water! Active listening Defining interests Hearing the story When parties get what they can live with, not

necessarily everything they wanted.

Presumed Consensus: Danger!

Agreements fall apart Resentment builds Time wasted Conflict can escalate Loss of credibility as a mediator/negotiator

Interests, Issues and Proposals

Issues: what we bring to the table Interests: The needs that underlie what we

pursue, and why: these must be determined for a better result

Proposals: The solutions offered. They sometimes undermine interests

Interests a la Abraham Maslow

Basic physiological needs Need for safety and security Need to belong and be loved Need for respect and to be counted Need to know and understand Need for an aesthetic quality in our life Need for self-actualization

Maslowe’s Hierarchy of Needs

IEP Meeting or consultation: Building an Agenda

For IEP, use an IEP Meeting Agenda form Stick to the agenda as the road map for

the process and hold others to it.

IEP Meeting: designing ground rules

Here are the essentials: Treat each other with respect both in

verbal and physical language. Let people speak without interruption. Keep what’s shared confidential Be brief with reports Turn off cell phones and pagers Keep an open mind!

IEP Meeting: checklists

Review IEP Meeting Checklist Review IEP Meeting Follow-up list