Most People Don't Change; Here's How You CAN!philiphumbert.com/change/files/ChangebookV1.pdf · Most People Don't Change; Here's How You CAN! ... Now you can and do, probably every

Most People Don't Change;

Here's How You CAN!

Change Can be Frustrating and Difficult

Here's How to Make it Fun, Powerful and EASY!

By Philip E. Humbert, Ph.D. www.PhilipHumbert.com

PO Box 50910 Eugene, OR 97405

(541) 342-1030

http://www.philiphumbert.com/

Page ii By Philip E. Humbert

© Copyright 2011 All Rights Reserved – Do Not Copy

© Copyright 2011

The Philip E. Humbert Group, Inc. All Rights Reserved

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any informational storage or retrieval system without express written permission from the publisher. Published by: Sundial Publishing An operating division of The Philip E. Humbert Group, Inc. PO Box 50910 Eugene, OR 97405 U.S.A.

Legal Notices:

This publication is designed to provide accurate, helpful information with regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the author, publisher and distributors are not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, medical, financial, therapeutic or other professional advice or counsel. If professional assistance is appropriate or required by your personal situation, the services of competent professionals should be sought. Special Notice: The subject matter of this book concerns daily habits and routines. Mention is made of how we think, and to a lesser degree, how we feel and how we behave. The reader is hereby informed that this book is NOT intended to provide counseling, therapy, or mental health advice in any form. If you find change unusually difficult, if you experience any sense of depression, discouragement or upset, or if you have been advised to get counseling or consult a professional, please do so. This book is not and cannot be a substitute for competent professional advice or services.

For More Information:

For more information about Dr. Humbert, or to contact him for personal or business coaching, trainings or seminars, or to inquire about having him speak to your group or organization, call (541) 342-1030 or send an email to: [email protected]

mailto:[email protected]

Page iii By Philip E. Humbert


About The Author

And Welcome!

My career began as the Accounting Supervisor for a trucking company in

Minnesota, where I had the opportunity to work with amazing people who taught me much about life in the “real world.” Stan Ekegren, in particular, taught me to think in terms of systems as they relate to the management of things (dollars,

time, equipment), but always to think in terms of leadership when it came to working with people.

After that, I completed my B.A. in Political Thought, and went on to obtain my Master of Divinity in Pastoral Care (counseling) and Church Leadership.

Eventually, I earned another M.A. in Counseling and a Ph.D. from the University of Oregon in Counseling Psychology. From 1984 until 1997, I owned a mental

health clinic in Eugene, OR, and from 1995 to the present, I've worked as a personal coach, consultant, and speaker in the areas of peak performance, business leadership and success strategies.

For over 30 years, I have been passionate about peak personal performance. I

am fascinated by the extraordinary results people obtain when they are motivated, focused, and have the right tools. I regularly speak to groups, from a few people around a conference table to as many as 14,000 people. A personal

highlight was being able to introduce and share the stage with the incomparable Jim Rohn on three occasions.

I publish a free weekly newsletter called TIPS for Extraordinary Living, coach

individuals and Leadership Teams, and speak around the world. You can get my newsletter at my website, http://PhilipHumbert.com

My purpose in writing this booklet is to empower thousands of people to transform their own lives by creating, living and loving the life they've always

wanted. You can do this! I hope you enjoy the book, but even more, I hope you find it powerful, practical, and immediately useful!

Phil Humbert Email: [email protected]

Web: http://PhilipHumbert.com

http://philiphumbert.com/

../../../../Documents%20and%20Settings/Phil/Local%20Settings/Temporary%20Internet%20Files/OLKC/[email protected]


Page iv By Philip E. Humbert


Table of Contents

Section Title Page

About the Author ii

1 Preview and Warm-up 1

2 How to Use this Booklet 4

3 The Blocks to Personal Change 4

4 All Habits Serve Us in Some Way 5

5 Neural Pathways in the Brain 6

6 Circumstances and the Environment 7

7 Other People 7

8 Ordinary, Everyday Momentum 8

9 Making Change Easy and Successful! 9

10 Acknowledge that Change Involves…Change! 10

11 Be Precise About the Change You Want 11

12 List the Costs of Not Changing 11

13 Advantages of Making the Change 12

14 Decide 12

15 Be Accountable 13

16 Chart Your Progress 14

17 Celebrate Your Victories 15

18 Remember This 15

19 Action Steps and Things to Do 16

20 Appendix: Checklist for Permanent Change 17

Page 1 By Philip E. Humbert


Most People Don't Change;

Here's How You CAN!

Change Can be Frustrating and Difficult

Here's How to Make it Fun, Powerful and EASY!

By Philip E. Humbert, PhD © 2011 All Rights Reserved

Preview and Warm-up:

This booklet began as an article in my weekly newsletter, TIPS, but

quickly evolved into something far more. I often receive lots of positive email in response to TIPS, but the week this article appeared, I was

astonished by the gratitude and enthusiasm people expressed.

While I received many similar emails, this one particularly grabbed my attention and seemed to summarize many of the others:

“This may have been the most important article you've ever written! It

deals directly and powerfully with the biggest problem and the biggest

stumbling-block my clients face. As a Psychologist and therapist (for

over 20 years now!) I see clients every day who don't really have a

mental health problem, but they are incredibly frustrated! They have a

habit or trait that they have been unable to change and it is (literally)

driving them crazy! Often, they are on the verge of despair. They want

to lose weight or spend less, or be more patient with their spouse or

children, or be more disciplined in some way, and they are convinced

they CAN NOT CHANGE!

This article addresses and solves that, once and for all. It will make

lives better, and in some cases, I suspect you will literally save

someone's life. THANK YOU SO MUCH! Everybody should read this!

Every high school student should get a copy. With your permission, I

plan to give a copy to every new patient who walks in my door.”

─Sandy J.

Psychologist

Chicago, IL

Everyone wants and needs to change some personal habit or behavior, at

least once in a while. We all want to grow and mature. We want to be stronger, more effective, more resilient, smarter and richer. We want

better self-discipline, to over-come old habits or implement new skills.



There's an old saying that “we all know more than we actually do in our

lives.” Our habits and behaviors do not live up to our highest and best ideals. For instance. we all know that if we over-spend and run up

balances on our credit cards, eventually “our up-keep will become our down-fall.” We know about eating better, exercising more and living a

healthy lifestyle. We know the importance of reading and constant, never-ending learning to enrich our lives and become the person we are

capable of becoming. We know about spending more time with loved ones, or taking time to relax, “smell the roses” and play with our children.

We've all heard the Ben Franklin maxim that, “Early to bed and early to rise makes a man (or woman!) healthy, wealthy and wise!”

We know these things!

But we find them hard to do on a regular basis. We try and fail. We set

goals or make New Year's Resolutions, and we fail. We make to-do lists,

and we fail to keep them. We promise ourselves, our loved ones, and sometimes our bosses or “accountability partners” that we will change.

But we don't.

This is incredibly frustrating! It makes us doubt ourselves and it makes us question everything we know or have heard about the power of setting

goals, the power of affirmations, the power of faith, and the strength of our will-power. We begin to say crazy-making things like, “I guess I just

lack self-discipline,” or even worse, “I'll never change.” In some cases, we despair and begin to fear we cannot change.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Human beings change and grow. You learn and try revolutionary new

things all the time, and you have plenty of positive examples in your own

life. Once, you could not safely drive a car. Now you can and do, probably every day, often without any conscious effort or worry. Once you were

shy about asking for a date, but you learned and, at some point, most adults have meaningful relationships and even get married! Years ago

you could not begin to do the work you do every day. Now you do it, perhaps to the degree that you've grown tired and bored with it!

You can learn and change, you can grow and become whoever you

imagine yourself to be. You can lose weight, get fit, eat better and maintain a healthy lifestyle for the rest of your life! You know people who

have done it—perhaps you've even lost weight more than once yourself!



You can become the energized, enthusiastic, positive, loving, creative,

disciplined, organized, relaxed, wealthy and productive person you desire to be. Any and all of these examples are common and are easily

mastered. If you know how!

The point of this article is to give you the recipe, to show you how to change whenever and in whatever way you wish. It can be done!

The only thing that stands in your way is that most people do not know

how. They have no “recipe” or road-map or checklist for effectively and quickly unlearning old habits and installing the new habits they prefer.

Fortunately, we can fix that! There's no magic and there are no tricks. There's no secret ritual or special handshake, or even any tuition or fee

required! It's simple, but I did not say “it's easy!” The truth is that change is not always easy. Often it's hard, takes time, and you may have

to work at it, perhaps fail and try again until eventually you succeed.

But change is possible and there are fundamental, timeless principles (the

“recipe”) that can be learned and used over and over again, to make any change you wish, for the rest of your life. If you don't know how,

anything (and everything) is hard! But once you've learned how, you can use these principles and this recipe for the rest of your life. And that, my

friend, is incredibly GOOD NEWS!

The tragic truth is that most people do not know how to intelligently and powerful change their habits and thus, the trajectory of their lives. Think

about it for a moment. Has anyone ever taught you to intentionally, consciously and methodically make the changes you want in your life? I

doubt it. Our society does not teach this in school. Parents don't know how, so naturally they can't teach their children. Businesses don't teach it

to employees, and we certainly don't teach it on “reality” television or

even in most educational/motivational seminars.

That's what this little booklet is all about.

Once you know how, once you have mastered the simple steps (there are several of them, but don't be intimated by that—each one is simple and

easily mastered) you'll be able to make one change after another, for the rest of your life! Think of the power and confidence that will give you!

Think of the freedom and joy of it! You CAN change and you CAN become the person you want to be. Like anything else, “it's easy, if you know

how!”



How to Use this Booklet:

I encourage you to read and use this booklet over and over again,

whenever you want to change a habit for the rest of your life. To get the most from out these pages, I encourage you to:

1. First, read this booklet from beginning to end.

The initial reading will give you an over-view and help you “see the road ahead.” At first, don't worry about the details, but aim to grasp the

concepts. They aren't difficult or complicated, but you want to see the big picture, to understand how the pieces work together to make powerful

change possible, quick and easy.

2. Second, re-read the entire booklet slowly and thoughtfully. Take notes, question each step and turn it over in your mind until it sinks

in and makes powerful sense to you. Don't worry about memorizing or

mastering all the individual steps at once (there are quite a few of them) but make sure each step “sounds good” and is workable in your life. As

you tackle each step one at a time, you want to be confident that you understand how it fits into the larger context of your life.

3. Hang onto this booklet!

Keep it in your journal or with other important documents so you can re-visit and review it whenever you want to make another change in your

life. Consider sharing it with family, friends and loved ones, and discuss it with them. When you can explain the system and the steps to someone

else, you'll know you've “got it” and that will change everything, forever!

The Blocks to Personal Change:

Before we tackle the issues of making changes, please take a moment to understand why and how change often seems so difficult. Trust me, you

WILL run into these blocks along the way and being able to recognize them, name them, and deal with them will give you confidence, even a

sense of humor and a positive confidence that you CAN over-come them.

One of the biggest and most common mistakes people make is to rush boldly forward, often repeating something like, “I just have to do it!” I

suspect Americans, with our “can-do” attitude may be particularly susceptible to this, but the issue is trying to run before we learn to walk.

Until you pause and seriously acknowledge the blocks and issues that may keep you from changing, you risk falling prey to their power. “Know



your enemy!” Let's begin with a serious, thoughtful look at the forces that

are most likely to stand in your way.

Take a moment to read and grasp these common stumbling blocks to change:

1. All Habits Serve Us in Some Way

Every habit and life-pattern was created and installed because at some time, it served you. This is a fundamental truth about all human

behavior—we do things that, at the moment, are the best and most useful thing we know. Perhaps you habitually over-spend. OK. Buying

things gives you the pleasure of having new possessions. Or, perhaps you enjoy shopping with friends. Or, maybe over-spending distracts you from

work and worry. Or, perhaps as a teenager it was a way to socialize at the mall. Whatever. At one time, shopping and buying stuff served you,

and eventually it became a habit to see a product or service, whip out the

trusty credit card and pay for it later. It worked, and it became a habit.

Or perhaps the habit you “love to hate” is over-eating and under-exercising. Food serves so many useful purposes that there must be a

thousand ways to fall into this habit, but here are a few: Big meals remind you of home, family and the joy of traditional meals. Or, perhaps

you eat more than you want because it tastes good or makes you feel good at the moment. Or you say, “my family has always eaten this way.”

Or how about the familiar, “I eat to feel better.” OK. Eating more calories than you burn on a daily basis served you once, but it no longer does. If

you wish, you can change that pattern.

All habits began as a healthy, understandable desire to achieve some goal. Over-spending, over-eating, sleeping-in, procrastinating, or

whatever your favorite bad habit happens to be, it began as a way to

solve or deal with some issue. Until you accept that—it’s not necessary to analyze every detail, just accept it as a basic truth—old patterns will

continue to be your preferred method for dealing with the issue.

The key is to accept what is and deal with it honestly. Having an unfortunate habit or life-pattern does NOT make you a bad person! It

makes you a normal person who is merely using an old, unfortunate problem-solving skill (or tradition) in an inappropriate way. Don't beat

yourself up, but you don't have to “just accept” it, either! If your circumstances or values, your priorities or preferences have changed,

then it's time to change the outmoded, old-fashioned way of doing things and find new solutions for your new situation. Don't blame or punish



yourself because a solution that once worked for you, in some other time

and place, no longer works. Times change, and now you will, too!

Old habits—especially habits that were once preferred responses to common every-day situation—will retain some power. Don't be surprised

by this! Recognize it. Perhaps even chuckle over it, then deal with it. And move forward. You are a free, conscious, intelligent and autonomous

person. You can change, and you will change. But don't be surprised when habits that once served you pop up from time to time. That's called

reality and it's something to be recognized, acknowledged and over-come. It's definitely nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. You

can and will learn new habits. You can do this!

2. Neural Pathways in the Brain The second block to change is the way our brains process information.

Somewhat like electronic computers, our brains establish “short-cuts” or

neural pathways that allow for virtually “automatic thinking.”

When we are in a familiar situation, with lots of standard, routine stimulus around us, the brain “assumes” what you want to do and how

you'll want to respond. A deeply ingrained neural pathway takes over and solves the problem for us. It's amazing! This incredible skill makes life

easier and often helps keep us safe! Imagine if you were driving down the road and a child darted in front of your car, and your brain had to start

from scratch to figure out what was going on and how to respond! Your brain is incredibly fast and very, very smart, but in the second or two it

might require to do all that thinking, a child could be killed! Fortunately, our deeply ingrained, habitual neural pathways are much, much faster

than that and, usually, tragedy is averted. Thank goodness!

But those same neural pathways tell us to keep eating when we're full, or

to eat the chips and dip we always eat when watching television. They tell us to go ahead, pull out the credit cards and buy whatever we want at the

moment.

Some old habits are complex, socially-learned behaviors as we discussed above, but other habits are almost-instantaneous neural pathways in the

brain that respond “by instinct” to specific situations. Either way, much of our behavior is the result of old habits. Don't be surprised by this, and

don't be tempted to give up or become discouraged. The brain can (and constantly does) learn new things!



3. Circumstances and the Environment

Human beings constantly monitor and take behavioral cues from the world around us. I've written an entire ebook on Personal Eco-Systems™

(you can get a free copy on my website: http://PhilipHumbert.com). But for now, remember that when we are in an environment that we

associate with specific behaviors, those behaviors are likely to be repeated. That's why recovering alcoholics are encouraged to make new,

non-drinking friends and to give up hobbies such as playing pool or bowling, or belonging to a group that they associate with drinking. When

they go to a bar to throw darts or see their friends, the temptation to have a beer is just too strong!

Other relevant examples might include not buying “bad” foods (chips,

chocolate, ice cream, cookies, etc) on the principle that if they aren't readily available in your cupboard or on the table, they are less likely to

go in your mouth. Or, if you want to exercise more and watch television

less, you might consider (1) joining a sports team or a gym, and (2) moving the couch or television so it's not so easy and tempting to sit and

watch, hour after hour. Many spend-aholics have been advised to cut-up their credit cards so they are no longer in their wallets, or in their

environment.

Changing your environment to reduce or eliminate temptation takes courage and may require the agreement and participation of loved ones,

especially family members. But to change an old habit, you will probably have to reduce the environmental cues that supported the old habit.

Consider removing junk food from the cupboards and refrigerator. In your office, move things around, get some new plants, even paint the walls

and get new carpet. A “new” office may be the ticket to a brand new you! Respect the power of environmental cues and take charge of your

surroundings. Do not be the victim of tired old surroundings!

4. Other People

The next “block” you may run into are the expectations, comments, behaviors and misguided “support” of the people around you. Your

friends, family, neighbors and co-workers all know you very well. They've grown accustomed to your daily rituals, your beliefs, attitudes and

ambitions. They really know you very well! And most of them love you and want to support and help in every way they can. Most people are

very good about that!

But in their enthusiasm to support you, they will say things like, “Oh, come on, one drink won't hurt!” Or they'll invite you to go shopping

because you “always” go shopping together, they are your friends and




they don't want you to feel left out. Or when you announce you've lost

five pounds, they'll invite you to go out for pizza and burgers to celebrate! They don't mean to be stupid or to sabotage you, and they

certainly don't mean to undermine your determination! They, too, have their habits and their neural pathways, and they will (you can bet on

this!) blurt out the most defeating and thoughtless things. It happens and you might as well be prepared for it. Human beings are social creatures

and we all have our rituals and traditions—including your friends and family.

Once you are part of the “tribe” (whether it's a family, an office team, a

sorority or a service club) the “automatic” routines of the tribe are generally stronger and more powerful than its conscious intention to

support the change you want to make. This does not make your friends and loved ones “bad people!” It makes them normal. This stuff happens!

And when it does, it can undermine your desire for change. You'll want to

maintain a high level of awareness and have strategies to respond appropriately. You don't have to reject or replace your friends (in rare

cases this may become a reasonable thing to do) but you will want to understand what's happening and be prepared to deal with it while

maintaining your determination to become the NEW YOU!

5. Ordinary, Everyday Momentum This is a sort of catch-all combination of the above forces, plus the human

tendency to “revert to the mean.” That's a term from statistics that says when we change, there is a kind of gravity or tradition that can pull us

back to old patterns. Do you remember the scene from The Godfather, Part III where Michael Corleone is in the family kitchen, trying to get out

of the family “business” (the mob)? He exclaims that, “Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!”?

Be aware that there will be days when it seems like old patterns are trying to “pull you back in.” This happens. Perhaps you're tired, or some

specific situation jumps up unexpectedly and you respond in your old way. Don't panic! And don't jump to conclusions or exaggerate the

meaning of this! It's human nature and just one more “block” on the way to the NEW YOU!

Summary: The more we understand the forces and patterns that resist

change, the better we can over-come them. Take these things seriously. Think about them and how you'll handle each of them. Specifically,

visualize and strategize your response to them. Talk about them with your coach or a loved one who understands and supports you. Recognize

that your old habits are…habits! They will resist change. That isn't deadly



and it isn't permanent and it isn't surprising and it doesn't even have to

be annoying.

But it is real and you'll have to deal with it. Your environmental cues will tempt you because they do exist and you are used to responding in

specific ways to specific circumstances. The nice thing about the environment is that you can change it! You can remove temptations. You

can re-organize, re-arrange, and improve your surroundings. (Simple Tip: To get up earlier every morning, move your alarm clock across the room

or down the hall, or if you're really, really courageous, put a second alarm set for 10 minutes later next to a sleeping child's bed! I can practically

guarantee you'll jump out of bed every morning!) And a similar principle applies with the people in your life. Most of them will eagerly understand

and support you when you explain the change your trying to make and how important their support is to your success. People are good-hearted

and kind! Explain how they can help and most people will gladly do so.

Each of these blocks are powerful by themselves, and in combination they

can be deadly. Particularly when we don't understand and respect them, and don't have plans and strategies for dealing with them, they do, in fact

and in real life, undermine and destroy “the best laid plans of mice and men!”

But not in your case! You are now fore-warned, armed and prepared!

Even before we discuss of the tools for positively MAKING CHANGES, you are already far ahead of where you have been in the past. You are far

better equipped for success in making changes than most people who struggle, and too often fail, in this process.

Celebrate your progress! You are prepared, equipped and ready! Now it's

time to look at the specific tools, techniques and processes you will use to

make any change you wish, whenever you wish, for the rest of your life. Let's get to it!

The Main Event: Making Change Easy and Successful!

From personal experience and working with hundreds of clients, I notice that for many of them, change is hard. And, perhaps most frustrating of

all, it rarely lasts. The good news is that there are specific, proven, powerful and effective tools we can use to change that!

Everyone seems to have some habit or issue they want to change.

Sometimes it's spending less, or weighing less, or using time more



productively, but always the reports are that people set a goal, decide to

“just do it” and try really hard. Sometimes they do make the change for a while, but in the end, they revert back to old familiar habits. Then, they

feel like a “failure.” They get cynical and discouraged. They even start making fun of “New Year's Resolutions” and doubt that goal-setting

programs will ever work.

That's a shame. Fortunately, there is a way to be successful—if you know the recipe! Have you ever noticed that almost all recipes are “simple,”

even if they include many steps and often seem, at first glance, to be confusing or complex? Most recipes, even for elaborate dishes, turn out to

involve simple steps of measuring and combining ingredients, perhaps boiling or preparing certain parts in advance. In my cooking, the most

difficult part is usually “separate one egg.” Separate it from what?

Recipes are easy. And they get easier the more often you repeat the

process. The first time, even the first few times you follow this recipe for change, “do it by the numbers.” Keep this booklet where you can see and

refer to it every day. Re-read the entire process a few times, discuss it with a friend and imagine both the process and how good you'll feel when

you are ultimately successful!

The easiest parts of “motivation” are experiencing the pain of the initial problem (“I'm sick and tired of this!”) and imagining the utopia we'll

experience when everything is perfect. That's easy, it's powerful, it's fun, and it's often only temporary. The hardest part of motivation is

maintaining it during the “process.” Day by day, step by step, motivation can be hard. We may know and believe the slogan that, “Inch by inch,

anything's a cinch!” But somewhere along the way, one or more of those “inches” start feeling hard and oh, so terribly small! We get discouraged.

Do not let that happen to you! Be clear about the exact change you want to make and the REASONS WHY the change is important! We'll talk more

about that below, but at the start, be excited that you are on your way to becoming the person you've always wanted to be! You are in charge and

you are on your way! Let's get started.

Step 1: Acknowledge that Change Involves . . . Change

Begin by recognizing that many habits die hard—as we discussed above under “Blocks” to change. The brain has tried-and-true neural pathways

that mostly serve us well and make life easier and more efficient. That's actually a very good thing! But when we try to change our habits (neural

pathways), the brain often resists. In addition, the people around us, our



circumstances and personal environments, even our belief systems can

resist or question the change we want to make. This is normal, but it must be taken seriously and faced head-on. Admit it exists, and use

powerful strategies to install new habits. Make a plan, plot a schedule, establish new routines or install new beliefs that will support you! Even

something like changing the way you usually commute to work (perhaps deciding to ride your bike instead of driving) deserves some thought and

a plan. You'll need to get up earlier, perhaps plan to shower or change clothes at the office. You may need to eat a different or bigger breakfast

for the energy you'll need. And of course, you may need the support of your family for an earlier wake-up or departure time. Plan for success!

This is important! If you don't do this first step, in the end, old habits will return.

Step 2: Be PRECISE About the Change You Want

Generalities and hopes to “do better” won't cut it. Decide exactly what you want, what it will look like, and how you will measure your progress.

Skipping the few minutes it takes to do this step carefully and thoroughly is a setup for failure. Get clear! Be precise. Visualize and define the exact

change you want. Remember, clarity is power! There is a world of power in deciding you will spend 30 minutes riding your bike to work, benefitting

from the fresh air and exercise, taking the scenic route along the river or through the park instead of the freeway, perhaps riding with friends and

celebrating that this is the “right thing to do!” Compare that to a vague, unclear and non-specific desire to “start riding my bike more so I'll lose

some weight and maybe get fitter.” Precision makes all the difference!

Step 3: List the COSTS of Not Changing

What will it cost you over a lifetime to continue your old habit? Will you

die younger? Will you be poorer or more frustrated or live with less integrity? Again, do not skip this step! There are reasons (important, vital

reasons) you want to change. Write them down. In our example, perhaps driving to work is stressful. It definitely puts miles and wear on the car.

Parking costs money, and it's a hassle. There's the cost of gas, insurance, and if you have the car tied up at work all day, it's not available for other

members of the family to use. If you drove to work for the rest of your life, what would it cost you? What would you be missing? How many cars

would you wear out along the way? List these things and make them as clear, powerful (and painful!) as they really are. There's no need to

exaggerate or be silly about this—if there's a change you really want to make, not making it almost certainly involves real, tangible and painful

costs of one kind or another. All you're doing at this point is being honest



about the nature and size of the costs. These real costs and the pain

associated with them are probably what inspired you to consider making the change in the first place. All you're doing now is transforming these

vague, non-specific annoyances into actual, detailed costs that can be calculated on paper. Make the list.

Step 4: List the ADVANTAGES of Making the Change How will you (and your loved ones) benefit from this change? Will you be

richer, stronger, live longer, be happier, or healthier? Will you be more fulfilled? Will you live with greater integrity or achieve more in life? What

are the real, tangible, desired benefits from making this change? List them all! To continue our example, riding your bike saves wear on the

car, it saves money on gas, it's good for the environment, it's healthy, it's a cost-effective, convenient and efficient way to get more daily exercise,

and it feels good! You'll look and feel better. You may have more energy.

You'll buy fewer cars and have more money for other things.

Obviously, there is no need to exaggerate the advantages any more than you wanted to exaggerate the costs of not changing. We're trying to be

objective and realistic so you'll have an accurate basis on which to make an important decision about how you want to live your life! Be precise

about both the costs of not changing and the advantages of making the change you're considering.

If you are seriously considering a significant change in your life, it's

undoubtedly because there are real, tangible benefits to the change. Some of them may be measured in dollars and cents. Others may relate

to health or time management or improved personal relationships, or your sense of personal priorities, values or even your spirituality.

Whatever the advantages, take time to turn vague generalities into

specific, measurable benefits. List them. On paper. And put the list where you and others (family members, co-workers, friends) will see it every

day. You want these BENEFITS to motivate you every day.

Step 5: DECIDE the Change is Worth It

Make the commitment. Design systems and strategies for success. Think it through and be very clear that this “new you” is going to happen, and

quickly! Being “interested” or hopeful, or wishing for change is not enough. Assess the costs and advantages, then DECIDE.

A clear and irrevocable DECISION is a critical key to your ultimate

success. Many people want to “experiment” or “try” for a while. They



want to test the waters and “see how it feels.” That is not a decision! It's

a set-up for failure. If, after weighing the costs of not changing and the benefits of changing, you are clear about your intention, announce it!

Look in the mirror and say the words. Write them down. Mark it on the calendar and take whatever actions are appropriate. Know that there is

no turning back, you have decided! (With further information, more experience or wisdom or with age, you may someday re-asses and

change your mind, but that's a completely different thing!) For now, you must make a clear, fundamental commitment to the NEW YOU.

If you are not ready or willing to do this, the alternative is to accept that

your are merely “dabbling,” “considering,” or “thinking about” changing. That may be all you really want to do for now, but tell the truth—it is a

decision to NOT change at this time. The change you're investigating is merely under consideration and you've decided to put the final

commitment off for another time. That's ok, just be honest with yourself.

My advice? If you know you're ready, if you know you “should” do this,

that the time has come and you have all the facts you need, then go ahead and make the DECISION TO CHANGE. Later, you'll be glad you did.

Step 6: Be ACCOUNTABLE Tell people about the change you are making and ask them to monitor

your progress. Use a MasterMind Team. Ask family and loved ones to be your cheerleaders. Report on your progress (and, if appropriate, on your

failures) and use your support team to cheer you on. Get a coach! Fitness is much easier if your best friend, a loved one or your team is eagerly

waiting for you at the gym! Be accountable!

Most people are leery of accountability. We've all had some “friend” tease

us about our failures in life. Haven't you had some well-meaning person embarrass you by asking about some comment, decision or intention you

announced and then failed to pursue? We've all had that painful conversation at one time or another.

Accountability requires courage. It's about putting “your money where

you mouth is.” It's where “the rubber hits the road” and we find out if we have the “right stuff” to follow-through. Obviously, being held

accountable when we've failed to achieve a goal or make a change is painful. It's embarrassing, and sometimes worse! And that's part—a small

but important part—of what makes accountability so powerful. No one wants the pain of announcing our plans to family and friends and then

being found wanting.



But there is an even bigger and more important role for accountability. It's about our integrity, our self-esteem and our discipline. I love the

saying that, “It's not bragging if you can do it!” Telling people what we're going to do in advance is our opportunity to shine, a chance to display

our power and our individuality. Consider the story (possibly apocryphal, but powerful nevertheless) of Babe Ruth pointing to the right-field stands

with his bat, clearly announcing his intentions just before he hit the next pitch to exactly that spot. Hitting a home run is a good thing. Babe Ruth

hitting lots of home runs is even better. But imagine the power and drama of announcing his intention in advance, and then DOING IT!

That's human drama and magnificence at its finest. That's such a big

thing, we're still talking about and I'm still writing about it 70 years later!

THAT'S WHAT ACCOUNTABILITY DOES FOR YOU!

Announce your intentions in advance. Obviously, I recommend that you

tell people who love you, people you trust to be kind and supportive and loving when they hold you accountable, but take the plunge. Set specific

targets, ask good people to support you, then use all your discipline, integrity and determination to make it come true! That's how to change

your life for the better. Accountability can make all the difference.

Step 7: CHART Your Progress

Post your weight on the refrigerator door. Post your monthly budget where the family can see it. Use graphs and pictures to mark your

progress and get feedback from people who care about your success. I love Peter Drucker's observation that, “What gets measured, gets done.”

Most of us are visual learners. That means we think in pictures and the saying that, “a picture is worth a thousand words,” holds real power.

Going back to our example of deciding to ride your bike to work each day, put a BIG red X on the calendar for each day you ride your bike, and a

draw a blue “sad face” on each day you don't. Keep a chart of the miles you ride each day. Keep track of your time, if that's important to you.

And remember to add up the totals from month to month. Note your progress, keep track of your performance. I think it will make a huge

positive difference.

Charts and graphs give us visual feedback and keep us on track. They give us feelings of pride, and honest feedback about our performance.



They tell us where we need to improve or re-think our plans. And they

spur us forward!

Almost any goal or change can be charted in one way or another. Sometimes this requires a bit of creativity, but even being “more patient”

or learning to be “more spiritual” can be charted if you give yourself a daily score of some sort. Think it through and find a way. You'll be glad

you did.

Step 8: CELEBRATE Your Victories

Too many people skip or forget this key step! As you hit your benchmarks or when you are convinced the new habit is successfully installed, have a

celebration! Mark your victories! Change is hard and when you've achieved it, you deserve a BIG reward, a victory celebration and a HAPPY

DANCE! Do this. It will make everything easier. And, it will encourage you

to move forward and make more, better and bigger changes in your life.

I'm frequently appalled when clients tell me they've achieved some major goal—set a new sales record, lost the weight they wanted to lose, or

achieved some other significant change—but they shrug it off as “no big deal.” That's silly! And in a way, tragic. Your goals ARE a “big deal!” As

you achieve them, or hit significant benchmarks along the way to your ultimate goal, acknowledge this! Hold a ceremony, do that Happy Dance.

My only caution is to do it appropriately. Do not (ever!) celebrate losing

weight by going out for a big celebratory dinner and a hot-fudge sundae! That's silly. And don't celebrate paying off your credit cards by blowing

money on a cruise or buying a new car! That's worse than silly. But do celebrate in as big and dramatic and memorable a way as you can. While

I don't believe there are any “small victories” in life, the biggest victories

are the personal, private victories of changing our habits and increasing our personal power. These may not win gold medals or get you

interviewed on television, but they are, in fact, the biggest and most important victories in life. Celebrate them.

Remember This

Change can be hard, but it's not all that hard. We change and grow, we learn new things and become new people all the time, almost on a daily

basis. We can't help it! We get new information, we learn new things, we change our minds or correct old beliefs and, in an important sense, we

become new people! It's amazing and it's powerful. When the change we



desire is decided in advance (remember Babe Ruth pointing at the

stands), when it's specific, when the costs and benefits are clear, and we have the support of people who love us, intentional change is almost

easy. (Almost easy.) And definitely more fun! You can do this! The key is to plan wisely, start today, and stay the course.

Action Steps and Things to Do:

1. Re-read this booklet one more time. Ponder each point. Argue with them, to see if they make sense. Decide if this process seems to fit for

you, or not. If you can modify or improve an idea, do so! Make this process your own and make it fit your particular situation.

2. Thoughtfully conduct an experiment to test these ideas in real life.

Choose a small number of things (1 or 2 to start with) that you would

really like to change, perhaps one that seems “easy,” where you believe success is highly likely, and one that you've struggled with. Then, put the

process to the test! Follow the system methodically. Do each step, one at a time, and follow-through for 30 days. See if it works, or not.

3. When you're convinced, aim higher! Choose one significant change

that you would really like to make in your life, something that will make a real and genuine difference, and go for it! Follow the steps (no cheating!)

and demonstrate to yourself and your loved ones that you truly are in charge of your own life! You can do this!

4. If you will, I'd love to hear from you and know a bit of your story. Let

me know about the changes you've made, and of course, let me know about any difficulties or “failures” you experience along the way. Pat

yourself on the back and sing your praises! Send me an email at:

[email protected] and give me the details. Remember, “it ain't bragging if you can do it!”

“In each of us are places where we have never gone. Only by pressing the limits do you ever find them.”

─Dr. Joyce Brothers




Appendix

A Checklist For

Permanent Change in Your Life

For any change you are considering making in your life or personal behavior, write down the information requested on the following pages.

Do this methodically and thoughtfully. Write you answers on paper--pen and paper often work better and have more power than typing on your

computer. Use your journal, a notebook or even scratch paper, but write out your answers to these questions. It may take a few minutes, but

you'll gain clarity, personal power and have a clear strategy for success!

1. Change Always Involves CHANGE. Be clear about that. Describe in detail the exact change you're considering. Does it

involve a new behavior you want to start, an old habit you want to

eliminate, or a current behavior you want to improve? Most life changes will at least slightly impact those around us, but is this

change primarily personal, or does it directly involve others? Who? How?

How big a deal is this, really? Minor changes may require only minor effort or simple adjustments, but bigger changes may require

more sophisticated strategies. How big is this thing? Why do you want to make the change? How important is it?

Who is most likely to resist or be skeptical? Is anyone likely to oppose this change, either openly or passively? Will anyone be hurt

or insulted or offended by this change? Will anyone be jealous or competitive about it? How will you address that?

Who are your natural allies? Who will be eager to help? Who will be proud or enthusiastic or excited for you? What are the very best

ways for them to support you? What can they do that will actively

and effectively help you be successful?

2. Be PRECISE about the Change You Want. Cut through the clutter of vague hopes for a better, happier life and

be specific: What, precisely, are you going to do differently in the future? What are you going to start, stop or change? Does this

happen every day, or less frequently? Who will know or notice? Will you require any new tools, skills or attitudes? Where will you get

them?

3. List the COSTS of Not Changing. What, exactly, is the problem with what you're doing now? How

does it undermine or trouble you? How does it hold you back? Does



your current behavior offend your values, embarrass you, impact

your health, wealth or integrity? If you kept doing what you are currently doing for another twenty years, what problems would that

cause? What will it cost other people if you don't change? Write all these costs down on paper.

4. List the ADVANTAGES of Making the Change.

How will you (and other people, especially your loved ones) benefit from the changes you are considering? Will they be happier,

healthier, wealthier or prouder? Will you, or they, have more peace of mind, greater confidence, more comfort or self-esteem? Will you

have more integrity? Will you be stronger, richer or more successful? If you make this change and continue it for twenty

years, what will the benefits be? List them all.

5. Make a DECISION.

Based on your analysis so far, what are you going to DO? This is not a time to be blasé or half-hearted! What have you DECIDED to

DO? Write your decision in your own words. Write it in the present tense and write it with conviction and excitement: “I have decided

and am committed (determined? resolved?) that starting tomorrow morning, I will….”

6. Be ACCOUNTABLE.

List the names of at least three specific people you will tell about your decision, and tell them TODAY! Be thoughtful about who these

people should be and select them with care. Choose people you trust, people who love you, people with superb communication

skills, and people who are likely to understand, be excited and give you real support going forward. Avoid people who might ridicule,

tease or undermine you, even unintentionally. Choose people who

will be delighted for you, perhaps people who have made a similar change in the past and can show you how to be successful. And tell

them immediately! Pick up the phone, or send an email. If you've chosen family members, tell them at dinner, tonight!

As soon as you make your irrevocable DECISION, start forming your support team, your MasterMind group, your partners. Change

can be hard (not always, but often) and you'll want coaches and teachers and cheerleaders with you every step of the way. List their

names in writing in your planner, and put a check next to each name once you've told them about your decision and they have

agreed to help you.



7. CHART Your Progress.

How, exactly, will you measure and track this new you? Many things are easily tracked on a simple graph--income, weight, miles

jogged or pages read every day are easy examples. But almost any personal change can be graphed in some way. Be creative! Time

spent reading to your children can be tracked in terms of minutes or pages. Want to be more “patient,” more “spiritual” or a “better

lover?” Give yourself a score (or have family members give you a score) from 1-to-10 every day, and graph your daily scores. If

you've thought about your desired change and still can't find a way to track and graph it, ask your support team, or send me an email

at: [email protected] We'll find a way!

8. CELEBRATE Your Victories! Many personal changes are simple yes/no behaviors and once

you've successfully done them for 30 straight days, you deserve a

victory dance! Other personal changes may be more complex, require multiple steps or take more time, in which case you can

almost always break them down into component parts and celebrate your victory at each significant milestone along the way.

In either case, be sure you DO CELEBRATE! Have a party, give yourself a reward, have a big family hug, or

whatever seems appropriate, but do not let your victories go unnoticed and uncelebrated! Plan this in advance. Makes notes in

your planner about exactly how you will celebrate and how you'll know objectively that it is time to celebrate. Write down, today--in

advance!--that when the credit cards are all paid off you'll take the kids fishing, or that when you've lost the weight (every single

pound you said you'd lose, no cheating!) you'll take a romantic weekend, just the two of you. Whatever your celebration, plan for

it, look forward to it, and then DO IT!

Put all this information in your diary or journal, in a notebook or on the back of your goals list, but write it all down. Sure, it will take some time,

perhaps even a couple of hours, but it's worth it. “Those who fail to plan, are planning to fail.” But not you! Plan and strategize in detail. If the

personal life-changes you want to make are important (you decided that in the first few steps) they are worthy of your time, your thought, and

your best actions.

Go for it! And as I tell my best clients, “We'll see you at the top!”
