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MIHS 101 Advice from experienced MIHS parents! Version 4– updated August 2013 June 2011 – original issue By: Diane Johnson PTSA President 2011-2012 The PTSA President during the 2013-2014 school year is Debbie Hanson [email protected] . Why you should read this pamphlet: This pamphlet is full of advice from over forty experienced MIHS parents, counselors and school administrators. Many of these suggestions took me five years to figure out. I only wish someone had shared this with me when my family started at MIHS! Best wishes to you and enjoy your time at MIHS! Diane Johnson PTSA President 2011-2012 [email protected]

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Page 1: MIHS 101 August2013

MIHS 101 Advice from experienced MIHS parents!

Version 4– updated August 2013

June 2011 – original issue

By: Diane Johnson PTSA President 2011-2012

The PTSA President during the 2013-2014 school

year is Debbie Hanson [email protected] .

Why you should read this pamphlet: This pamphlet is full of advice from over forty experienced MIHS parents, counselors and school administrators. Many of these suggestions took me five years to figure out. I only wish someone had shared this with me when my family started at MIHS! Best wishes to you and enjoy your time at MIHS! Diane Johnson PTSA President 2011-2012 [email protected]  

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Cliff notes for those of you who won’t read the entire pamphlet 1. Important Items to Note: All of the following events occur in shortly before and after school

starts. Check the MIHS calendar at www.mercerislandschools.org/Page/2 for exact dates!

Fall Sports Registration packets due MIHS Office and Counseling Center Open Band Camp Fees & Photos day for Frosh/Juniors 7am-3pm PTSA New Student Welcome Social Fees & Photos day for Soph/Seniors 7am-3pm Textbook Checkout First Day of School

PTSA Welcome Coffee Open House/Pass the Hat PTSA Fundraiser

2. How do I hear about events going on at school? 1) Join the MISD ANNOUNCEMENT LISTSERV mailing list. (NOTE- if you are coming from 8th grade

at IMS, and you have been receiving listserv emails, your email will automatically be rolled into the MIHS freshman class distribution list and you will automatically receive all electronic communications.) If you are new to the district or simply new to the listserv, subscribe by sending an email to:[email protected]    .    Be  certain  to  include  parent  first  and  last  name,  the  current  grade  level(s)  of  your  high  school  student(s),  and  any  email  addresses  you  would  like  added.  

2) Read Chapter 2 of this packet for detailed info on all the ways to stay informed.

3. What is the #1 piece of advice to help my child quickly find a social group and friends at MIHS? Join a club, sport or activity. Highly recommended for all new students. A complete list of over 35 clubs and activities is located at: http://www.mercerislandschools.org/domain/111 . The MIHS Activities Coordinator is Associate Principal Jeff D’Ambrosio 230-6626 [email protected] .  A list of sports is found at: http://www.mercerislandschools.org/Page/5289 . The Athletic Coordinator is Ann Meisner 236-3429 [email protected]; and the Athletic Director is Associate Principal Jamie Prescott 236-3387 [email protected] .

4. Where do I find the school calendar? www.mercerislandschools.org/Page/2 YOU  SHOULD  BOOKMARK  THIS  SITE  and  use  it  often!  

  5. What are helpful websites?

Mercer Island High School: http://www.mercerislandschools.org/Domain/8 Mercer Island High School PTSA: www.mihsptsa.org Skyward – to check grades       https://www2.nwrdc.wa-­‐k12.net/scripts/cgiip.exe/WService=wmercers71/fwemnu01.w  Mercer Island School District: http://www.mercerislandschools.org//Domain/4 KingCo Athletics: http://www.kingcoconference.org/g5-bin/client.cgi?G5genie=352&school_id=12 THIS ONE IS REALLY HELPFUL AND HARD TO FIND! BOOKMARK IT!

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Cliff Notes (con’t) 6. Who do I call if my child is having problems? Their alphabetical counselor:

Susie Brown (206) 236-3362 A-D (9-12)

Susan Sutherin (206) 230-6013 E-K (9-12)

Damon Wyatt (206) 236-3355 L-R (9-12)

Kathleen Stearns (206) 236-3365 S-Z (9-12) For more information, check the counseling department website:  http://www.mercerislandschools.org/Page/5466    7. Who do I contact with PTSA questions? During the 2013-2014 school year, the PTSA President is Debbie Hanson [email protected] 236-3091.  

CHAPTER 1: DATES AND CALENDARS

The district calendar is located at:    http://www.mercerislandschools.org/Page/2 . Here is a generic list of events you will likely want to track: MIHS Athletic Office Opens mid-August Fall Sports Packets Due mid-late August Fall Sports Start and Band Camp Student Retreats (ASB Leadership, Music Leadership, Cross-Country, etc.) late August Fees & Photos for Frosh/Jrs

PTSA New Student Welcome Social -Come for, school tours, meet students, teachers and administrators and buy gear

Fees & Photos for Soph/Srs 7am – 3pm All Fall Sports Parent Meeting First day of school – split schedule. Check MIHS website for times. PTSA Welcome Coffee and volunteer signups New to MIHS Parent Night 7pm

Home Football Games (I have included home football games because it is a great way to see kids, friends, have fun, and feel connected!)

Assemblies late-Sept Open House/ Pass the Hat PTSA Fundraiser Note – specific dates change each year, so check on the district calendar for actual dates.

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CHAPTER 2: HOW CAN PARENTS GET THE INSIDE SCOOP ABOUT WHAT IS GOING ON AT SCHOOL?

1. Get on the Announcement Listserv (See directions in this packet- p. 1, “Cliff Notes”- pt. #2) 2. Read all material that is distributed electronically via the listserv – including the PTSA WEEKLY

BULLETIN each Monday, the PTSA monthly newsletter - the Islander Update, and the weekly lesson from BRIDGES. Previous issues of these documents can be found on the MIHS PTSA website: www.mihsptsa.org

3. Register on the Emergency Listserv: http://www.schoolreport.org/ (Registering here will enable you to receive texts of school closures and delays. I found these text messages very helpful.) More info can be found at: http://misd.schoolwires.net/Page/5304 .

4. Attend the OPEN HOUSE/PTSA PASS THE HAT FUNDRAISER.. This is your only formal opportunity to meet your child’s teachers!

5. Read the Daily bulletin found atwww.misd.wednet.edu/mihswebpage/hsbulletins 6. Read the Student Handbook found at: http://www.mercerislandschools.org/Domain/8 In the left column, under Popular Links, click “Student Handbook”. 7. Attend the Parent Peer Group Meetings for your child’s grade. Check the MIHS calendar for dates. 8. Attend one of the PTSA General Meetings during the year. 9. Sign up to volunteer. You have this opportunity at the PTSA Welcome Coffee which occurs during the first

two weeks of school. Additionally, volunteer registration opportunities will be offered in our September newsletter.

10. Attend a school assembly. Many parents don’t know this, but there is a seating section just for parents! (Look on the MIHS Calendar at: www.mercerislandschools.org/Page/2). Funny thing, my two oldest boys forgot to tell me I should attend assemblies for the first six years we were there!

11. Attend parent education offerings sponsored by www.miparentedge.org 12. Subscribe to the MIHS Student newspaper: Either sign up at the PTSA Open House in late Sept., or http://www.mercerislandschools.org/Domain/8 , click on “News and Events”, then click on Subscription

form. 13. Attend all major music, theater and sporting events. If you want a list of ALL the MIHS sports events,

go to: http://www.kingcoconference.org/g5-bin/client.cgi?G5genie=352&school_id=12 You should bookmark this site because it seems to be hard to find and you will have this question repeatedly during your HS years!

CHAPTER 3: THE UNWRITTEN “RULES” AT MIHS Note – many people think this info is unwritten, but MOST of it is found in the STUDENT HANDBOOK: http://www.mercerislandschools.org/Domain/8 In the left column, under Popular Links, click

“Student Handbook”. Somehow I never knew about the STUDENT HANDBOOK, but I wish I had – it clearly explains just about everything you need. Check it out.

Seating in the Commons- The “Commons” is the area in between the gym and the school library. It is easily accessed from the outdoor amphitheater. Students gather here before school, and during lunch and off periods. Typically, Freshmen sit in the “lower commons” on the west side nearest the gym. Sophomores sit just east of

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CHAPTER 3: THE UNWRITTEN “RULES” AT MIHS (con’t) them in the western edge of the ‘upper commons” (1/2 floor up). Moving eastward you find the Juniors gathered, followed by the Seniors who stake out their tables on the far east end near the library. “Cutting” – this is the practice where upperclassmen feel they have the right to “cut” in front of younger kids in the lunch line. The school administration, and the school security officer, Kelly John Lewis, do all they can to eliminate this practice, and it is not allowed or condoned. Personally, I sent some quality snacks like protein bars with my very hungry freshman boys in case their trip in the food line was delayed! Parking- Approximately 225 student parking spaces are assigned via lottery in the first week of school. Seniors and Juniors are eligible and passes are $75/semester. Street parking on 88th street is available for all others. See the STUDENT HANDBOOK for more detailed info. ALL NUMBERED PARKING SPACES ARE ASSIGNED AND NOT AVAILABLE FOR VISITOR PARKING. There are four 15 minute visitor spaces in the turnaround for very quick stops. A limited number of visitor spaces are located in the VISITOR section on the northern side of the main parking lot. Parking in an inappropriate stall results either in a ticket with a fine, or in your car being blocked in. I will repeat this….. PARKING IN A STALL WITH A NUMBER ON IT MAY RESULT IN YOUR CAR BEING BLOCKED IN because this stall is already assigned to someone who needs it! All valid stalls are the ones WITHOUT numbers painted on the ground. Additionally, after you park in one of the valid visitor spaces, you need to register your car in the main office. If the visitor spaces are full, you must either park at the Administration Building, or on 88th Street and walk five blocks. Please plan FIFTEEN MINUTES to park, and bring an umbrella for your walk. Hazing- I (Diane Johnson) contacted the school administration and many students to learn about this. The school administration neither condones, nor tolerates it. Does it happen? It may, but the challenge for the school administration and parents is to determine what is the definition of hazing vs. school-spirited fun. Parents need to keep their eyes and ears open. NONE of the many students I spoke with indicated it is a problem. Most students I spoke with described it in a light-hearted school-spirited fun such as: freshman golf team members have to wear all maroon and white during a certain week, or Senior band members tell freshman band members to wear a “Mercer Island” temporary tattoo on their faces one day. If kids don’t want to participate then they opt out. I honestly don’t think your child will have any problems with it. Dress Code- The code states clothing must be safe, clean, appropriate and not disrupt the educational process. See the Student Handbook for more details. Electronics- They need to be turned off and out of sight. See the Student Handbook for details. Making “deliveries” to your kids at school- The front office does not have a mechanism to call a student up to pick up items like lunches, homework, etc. My general rule is this: if my child should have remembered it on his own, then it is “tough luck baby.” My child will have tot go without and learn the hard way. If it truly is something they need unexpectedly – i.e. – medication, a pickup for an unplanned doctor’s appointment, etc, then it is best to text your child for them to meet you outside the school. Leaving, arriving, and absences- this info is written many places, but it bears repeating. -MIHS IS A “CLOSED CAMPUS” FOR FRESHMEN, which means they are not allowed to leave during the school day. -a “Wammo” is a pre-arranged absence form and must be filled out (signed by a guardian, not your student forging your signature. Don’t ask me how I know this) and turned into the attendance office. Specific ATTENDANCE POLICY details are in the student handbook, and Wammos can be downloaded from: http://www.mercerislandschools.org/domain/1209 . A “Wammo” is appropriate for things like: field trips, vacations, college visitations, religious holidays, all extra-curricular activities requiring school absences, etc.

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CHAPTER 4: HOW TO SURVIVE YOUR FIRST HS DANCE MIHS usually hosts three major dances each year: the Homecoming Dance (formal, the Saturday after the Friday night Homecoming game) , the Winter Tolo (formal, ), and a Spring event (traditionally was a casual Tolo, however is in the process of change. Watch for updates.) Traditionally boys do the inviting to the Homecoming Dance, girls do the inviting to the winter Tolo, and kids went in groups to the casual spring Tolo. Tickets are sold both at school before the dance and at the door. MANY kids attend without dates! Kids usually organize into groups of anywhere between four and forty kids and most groups have a few kids join in who want to participate but are not taking a date. It seems that the days of calling someone on the phone and inviting them to the dance are long gone. Traditionally, the person doing the inviting thinks of a creative way to do it. Examples are: TP’ing someone’s car and writing the invite on the windows, having a friend deliver a pie to the ‘invitee” with the dance invite written on the pie, having someone deliver the “invitee” a latte with a written invite curled up in the straw, etc., etc. Kids have fun and get very creative! The evening usually begins with a social gathering of kids and their parents at the home of one of the kids. Some people call this a “Meet and greet” and it usually last about 45 minutes and may include a few appetizers, beverages, a chance to meet the other parents, and a chance to take pictures of the kids. At the formal dances, boys usually wear either suits or sport coats and slacks, and girls usually wear cocktail-length dresses. You do not need to spend a fortune on new clothes for your child! Many kids borrow clothes and I have purchased nice suits for my boys each year at Goodwill (suits cost approximately $20 there.) Boys pre-purchase a corsage for their date (tip: get a wrist corsage, not a pin-on one!) and girls pre-purchase a boutonniere. Often, the boy will wear a tie that coordinates with the color of his date’s dress. The second stage of the dance is dinner either at a restaurant or in someone’s home. Freshman year, my boys each were in groups that did a potluck dinner at someone’s house. Since none of the kids drove, parents were organized to drive the kids. Renting limos is NOT the norm. In our family, kids are not allowed to rent limos until Senior Prom. The in-between step has become the rental of “party busses”. I have never been a huge fan of this, but it is a popular way that kids arrange their transportation. For my family, parent carpooling worked just fine freshman year. Also, your child does not need to eat at an expensive restaurant! After freshman year, my kids usually ate at restaurants that cost approximately $15/person. It has been a good experience for my sons to contact restaurants ahead of time and pre-arrange reasonably priced menus for their groups. The third stage of the evening is the dance itself and kids usually attend for a few hours. Encourage your child to stay and enjoy the dance! All school rules apply at the dance. Note – when a couple attends, it is traditional for one person to do the inviting and purchase the dance tickets and the dinner. The other person in the couple traditionally pays for the photos at the dance. If your child is the “invitee”, they should take some cash to purchase the photos onsite.

The final stage is the “After-Party”. This is held by a parent and usually entails kids changing into casual clothes, activities like games, movies, ping-pong or hot-tubbing, and light snacks. Usually the group will decide ahead of time on the time the After Party closes down and the plan for transporting everyone home. I have made it a policy to always call the host of the after-party to make sure they will be present and supervising. (By the way, Freshman year I always call all hosts for any party or gathering throughout the year and make sure parents will be home and supervising.)

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Page 6 Great advice from one experienced parent: The Homecoming dance happens in the fall and the frenzy starts very early. Freshmen are always anxious and the boys start asking girls very early. It will catch parents (and some kids) off guard. Things to consider for the dance: the kids/boys will want to handle all of the logistics themselves, but they will need parental help as this is the type of event that they have never dealt with before and there are a lot of logistics (drivers, reservations, after-party, photos, etc.). If there is a family or two in the “group” that has older siblings and thus the parents have been through the drill before it can be immensely helpful, as first-time freshman parents often don’t have a good idea as to what needs to happen. Plus, the more parents that are involved in planning, hosting, supervising, and driving, the less likely there is for any chance that things can “go wrong”.

CHAPTER 5: RESOURCES 1. Alphabetic Counselors http://www.mercerislandschools.org/Page/5466 2. MI Youth and Family Services Counselors: Cathy Gentino, M.C.,LMHC, Counselor, 236-3290, [email protected]

Chris Harnish, B.A., CDC, Substance Abuse Specialist, 236-3363, [email protected] 3. Encourage your child to Contact his/her teacher. Staff contact information can be found on the MIHS

school website at: http://www.mercerislandschools.org/site/Default.aspx?PageType=1&SiteID=8&ChannelID=202&DirectoryType=6

4. If you email a teacher and don't hear back, call and leave them a message because they may not have gotten the email due to the district's spam filter!

5. Academic Trouble: “What should my child do if he/she is having trouble in a class?” 1. Student should meet with the teacher and try to resolve the situation. 2. If not resolved, then the student should meet with his/her alphabetic counselor. 3. If counselor’s involvement does not resolve the issue with the teacher, then parents and student should

contact the counselor. A plan for further discussion with the teacher will be formed. 4. If still not resolved, the family should contact the Associate Principal by student’s last name: Jeff D’Ambrosio (A-J) [email protected] Jamie Prescott (K-M) [email protected] Craig Olson (N-Z) [email protected] 6. The MIHS library is occasionally open after school for students to use as a quite study location. Watch

the PTSA monthly newsletter, the Islander Update, for information on days and times. Also, many students go to the Mercer Island public library for a quiet study location.

CHAPTER 6: “Help Me Understand These Things!” 1. Bridges: (Building Relationships In Diverse Groups to Emplower Students & staff) The primary focus of the

Bridges program is to develop a school community that promotes engagement and a sense of belonging for all members of the MIHS community. Groups of 20-25 equally mixed freshman, sophomores, juniors and senior students meet once a week for a 55 minutes session. The purpose of the Bridges program is to: A. develop relationships throughout the school community, B. create a positive school climate, C. empower students to take on leadership roles, D. engage students in learning and discussion around current and relevant academic, social, physical and emotional issues.

2. Transportation: Students typically arrive four ways: on foot or bike, riding the school bus, riding the Metro bus, or being dropped off by private car. All of these options seem to work well and be accepted. All the specifics can be found on the district Transportation page:

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Page 7 http://www.mercerislandschools.org/site/Default.aspx?PageID=107. Many students are eligible for a Metro

Transit Orca card which not only enables them to ride the bus to school, but on all Puget Sound Metro routes! MISD Orca Card FAQ’s:

www.mercerislandschools.org/cms/lib3/WA01001855/Centricity/Domain/39/ORCA%20card%20%20FAQs.pdf

3. 1 to 1 IPAD Program: Starting in the 2013-2014 school year, all MIHS students will be issued district-owned IPAD’s for use both in and outside the classroom. Check this website for all the details: http://www.mercerislandschools.org/Page/7920

4. Block Schedule: Each of your student’s classes will meet three times per week for 50 minutes, and once per week for 90 minutes (the “Block” period). Students seem to quickly and easily understand this rotating schedule even when there are occasional changes such as a “No Block” week or an “Assembly Schedule”. I always left the specifics to my child to figure out, but if you want to see the specifics, look here: http://www.mercerislandschools.org/Page/5700 .

 

CHAPTER 7: WISE ADVICE FROM EXPERIENCED PARENTS Here you go…. Comments from over forty parents, counselors and school administrators. You certainly won’t agree with every idea, but I hope this will give you some ideas to ponder.

Academic advice: -We fell into the habit of having our son write out his specific academic goals at the start of each semester with 1-2 specific ways he was going to accomplish them. (i.e. “Raise my Spanish grade from a B to an A. To accomplish this I will spend 15 minutes every night reviewing vocab and follow up with my teacher after every test to be sure I understand what I did wrong.”) We had NO input into these goals, but once they were written out, our student made a copy for himself and one for us, and we used our copy to keep him committed to what HE had decided to do during the course of the semester. -I was speaking with a counselor this week and she mentioned that teachers will sometimes storm into her office complaining that a student has had an issue all semester long but has made no effort to talk with the teacher until it is too late--and is now trying to change things. A teacher voiced something similar about the need to be in touch with the teacher if there's something going on at home, etc. -The academics offered, caliber of teachers and quality of courses, are second to none! But, students need to be go-getters. No one is going to push them to take the challenging classes or manage their time/effort in getting good grades.

-From the MIHS Counseling Department: -1/3 of freshmen take seven classes (as opposed to six) and this is usually if they are in band. Most kids (and especially boys) are not ready to handle seven classes. -if a child is a slow reader, give them more slack and fewer activities. -some kids “freeze” with too many activities. One activity is good, two may be good, three = the child might get “frozen” and nothing happens. -“We see many instances where the parent has obviously done the child’s homework. This should never happen at this age.”

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Advice from Experienced Parents: ACADEMIC (continued): -The majority of students take six classes. That seems to be the optimum workload with competing interests like sports, etc.

* Choosing classes with friends they know makes a big difference

- And avoid asking “what’d you get?” – instead ask “did you work hard and do your best?” - Students shouldn't feel like as if need to take every AP/Honors course offered. It's too stressful for many. My daughter pulled back her junior year and didn't take the Honors English/AP History class so she could focus on a variety of courses and keep her grades up. She got into a good college and had a great experience. - COMMUNICATE with both the kids and the teachers, and be real clear on expectations of both. Add perspective, nothing is the 'end of the world'. Try as hard as you can to understand the teachers' perspective.

The cool thing about high school is the broader range of classes – so it’s a good idea to branch out and try something that may not have been tried before

- Stay on top of Skyward. If you see they don't have a homework assignment turned in, ask them about it right away. (Skyward is the online system showing your student’s grades: https://www2.nwrdc.wa-k12.net/scripts/cgiip.exe/WService=wmercers71/fwemnu01.w

-I strongly encouraged my son to NOT take a lot of AP classes. He insisted on doing so - I don't know who/where/why he got it in his head that he needed a bunch of AP classes to get into a decent college. Sure enough, the highest level math AP class was too much for him and we struggled a semester on what to do: Withdraw? Pass/fail? Take a low grade? I encourage parents to NOT push their kids into AP classes!! If they are AP material...a teacher will let you know.

-Our children have had the fortune / misfortune of attending other schools (outside of Mercer Island and WA), so we may have added perspectives that others might not have experienced. We find MIHS to be an excellent academically focused high school. We find the classes are taught at a strong or high level, and when compared to other schools – the bar is set high on academics.

-In our house, all homework is to be completed before any socializing (or xbox live) on Sunday.

-When we took college tours, many of the reps said that if AP classes are offered at a high school, they expect kids to take them. I wish I had encouraged Johnny to push himself a little harder.

-­‐I  guess  my  lesson  is  that  you  have  to  understand  that  kids  complain  and  aren’t  going  to  like  certain  teachers/classes,  but  if  in  your  gut,  something  doesn’t  feel/sound  quite  right,  you  need  to  step  in,  because  while  MIHS  is  a  really  great  place  to  go  to  school,  it  isn’t  perfect.  

-First semester freshman year is NOT the time to stand back and see if your child is mature enough to handle the high school scene on his own. Check skyward access as often as your stomach will allow. Do not avoid it. You need to know if your child is sinking or swimming.

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Advice from Experienced Parents: ACADEMIC (continued): -If your child hasn't been the one talking to teachers when they have a question or issue, it's time to encourage them to do that rather than you making the initial call.

-Academics: Registration is confusing. When you first receive the catalog of classes it feels like you are signing your child up to attend Bellevue College. In retrospect, there aren’t really all that many options for freshmen and parents shouldn’t overly stress about it. The MIHS counselors do a great job walking through the options/choices with the kids at IMS, and when they bring their sheets home, they are essentially done. Things to consider:

1) There are more Honors options now than there were even two years ago. Try not to get overly caught up in this because some kids aren’t ready for this level of work (even though their parents think that they are). Try to get feedback from your child’s current math/science/English teacher to see if they feel that your child can handle Honors Level work.

-Lots of 8th grade parents wonder how many “honors” classes their child should take. The answer is it depends. How many extra-curricular activities does your child have? Do they need extra sleep? Do they like a full schedule? Do they feel overwhelmed with pressure? What is your child’s desire? My advice is to go easy.

-I  would  tell  parents,  that  in  most  cases,  the  teachers  are  very  supportive  and  accessible  to  both  the  students  and  parents.    USE  THEM.   -High school kids these days are under a LOT of pressure. My husband and I see our kids working much harder than we did 30 years ago. I think anything you can do to NOT give your child additional pressure on grades, etc is a good thing.

- students should learn early that they need to advocate for themselves – teachers (and counselors) really appreciate that. Even when it’s hard, the results are worth the discomfort. -When our oldest started high school we thought that this is when kids need to start speaking for themselves and working out issues like class schedules, issues with coaches...... I still think they do but we need to stay involved, back them up, help them navigate the system and make sure they are heard. As freshman the school does not know your child yet. Be an advocate until they know your student and your student knows the school.

-­‐ We tied driving privileges (including taking driver's ed) to grades and other responsible behavior. It wasn't just an automatic privilege that they could take driver's ed at 15 and get their license on their 16th birthday.

-Crest is the alternative section of MIHS. There are 7 staff members there and 115 students. I f your chi ld is looking for something dif ferent than the mainstream courses at MIHS, then Crest is a great alternative. My chi ld goes there and the environment is creative, fun, and support ive. I highly recommend it . Also, you can just take a few of your classes there ( l ike English and History) and take the rest on the main campus that is a 5 minute walk away.

Extracurricular Activities: -It is very helpful if your child wears a t-shirt with some sort of MIHS logo on the first day of school. If his or her extra-curricular activity doesn’t begin until later in the year (ex: basketball or lacrosse), you might consider buying a generic MIHS t-shirt for them to wear on day one. It always helps to fit in!

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Advice from Experienced Parents: Extra-Curricular (continued): -We are fortunate that Johnny found an Extra-Curricular activity that he loves and is passionate about. For anyone looking to get involved in debate, they should know that it is extremely time-consuming and is not cheap, especially if the student debates on the national circuit. It's probably obvious, but students should choose things they love, not merely to pad their resumes.

-As  long  as  classroom  grades  are  maintained  at  an  agreed  to  acceptable  level  –  we  encourage  as  many  outside  activities  as  possible.    As  of  yet  –  we  have  not  one  single  regret.  

-YES! Getting involved is a good life skill. It gets students connected so school is more of a home, helps them meet kids with similar interests and keeps them busy in those iffy after school hours.

-The band program at MIHS is VERY fun and if kids are contemplating quitting for high school, I always recommend that they at least try it for their freshman year so that they get the experience of marching band, etc., and then if they want to quit, they know they are making an informed decision.

-As for finding a niche at MIHS, I would strongly encourage all students to join a club, go out for a sport or continue in music (band, orchestra or chorus). Finding a group to identify with and a positive way to spend spare time is crucial. Kids need a healthy outlet for the stress of studying and achievement pressures.

-The student doesn't have to do everything offered! They should choose what they're interested in, and participate with gusto.

-At MIHS, sports  and  extra-­‐curricular  activities  are  also  managed  at  a  high  level.  In  today’s  economic  environment,  where  our  public  education  system  has  truly  been  devastated,  we  find  MIHS  to  be  shining  proof  that  a  strong  local  community  can  positively  impact  the  system.  Other  schools  our  children  have  attended  (outside  of  WA)  were  ranked  highly  academic,  but  the  social  and  extra-­‐curricular  activities  offered  at  MIHS  truly  differentiate  them  from  any  other.

-My motto for my boys is “Keep them sore and tired. Sore and tired.”

-Cross  Country  is  a  no-­‐cut,  low-­‐stress,  all-­‐inclusive,  huge-­‐family-­‐atmosphere  team,  and  is  a  great  way  to  make  new  friends  (all  ages)  

and  immediately  be  a  part  of  a  fun  “group”.  Kids  don’t  need  to  be  runners  or  have  participated  at  IMS.  There  are  all  levels  on  the  team  and  I  have  heard  many  parents  comment  on  how  this  was  a  great  thing  for  their  (non-­‐runner)  child  to  be  a  part  of.  Practices  start  in  the  summer  (not  required,  but  helpful)  so  the  kids  meet  other  members  of  the  team  early  on  which  is  great.  There  are  also  potlucks,  a  retreat,  over-­‐night,  etc.    

-­‐Sports  at  the  high  school  are  fun  –  for  freshman  it  seems  like  a  fall  sport  really  helps  kids  feel  like  they  are  part  of  things.    Cross  Country  is  great  for  this.    Marching  Band  fills  a  similar  role.    However  –  be  your  child’s  advocate  when  sports  and  band  start  their  tug-­‐of-­‐war  for  your  child’s  attention.      

-­‐Ann Meisner in the Athletic Office runs a very tight ship. Sports paperwork must be 100% complete and turned in before the deadline or your child will not practice with the team. Don’t leave it to the last minute because no exceptions are made with incomplete paperwork. PAY CAREFUL ATTENTION TO THE FIRM DUE DATE FOR ATHLETIC PAPERWORK BECAUSE NO EXCEPTIONS ARE MADE!!

-Some parents and kids ask i f i t is possible to play two sports in one season in high school. The answer is NO!

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CHAPTER 7: WISE ADVICE FROM EXPERIENCED PARENTS Social:

-Trust your instincts and get involved if you feel your child is not thriving. Counselors and MIYFS counselors are an asset but parents know their child best. Teachers don't know our kids when they are freshman like they will when they have been at the school for a year or two. They don't see changes in them that could actually be warning signs. - Chris Harnish ( The Youth & Family Services Counselor) is a gem and I think parents should use the MIYFS counselors more often and sooner. I think they know the pulse of the school from a different perspective and they don't have the same agenda. I can't stress this one enough!!!!

-­‐Have  their  friends  stay  at  your  house.    

-­‐  They  have  to  tell  me  where  they  are  going  to  be  and  a  parent  has  to  be  at  the  home.    

-My 1 piece of advice here; Nothing good comes from huge groups – Limit the “pre and post” dance parties to a manageable size (which means a small enough group that you’ve talked to the parents and are on the same page.) Optimally, 5-10 couples. That goes for sleep-overs too. Nothing good comes from the 10 kid sleep overs…..

-On  the  other  hand,  if  your  child  doesn’t  seem  to  want  to  be  “out  there”  support  them  in  this.    It  may  be  that  their  friends  are  headed  off  in  a  direction  your  child  isn’t  comfortable  with.    Spend  time  with  your  child  if  they  are  like  this!    They  will  venture  out  sometime  in  their  Junior  year  when  social  things  have  sorted  out  and  they  find  their  place.     -­‐Freshmen go to Fees & Photos day in late august. Parents almost always attend with freshmen because the kids can’t drive themselves there and the child needs checks to pay for a variety of things. Sophomore year about 50% of parents come, and by Jr and Sr. year, it is considered uncool to have parents with you!  -Use the Parent Advisory Council to check in on rumors. Each grade level parent rep is listed on the MIHS PTSA website.”

-Be the carpool driver whenever possible. It is a great opportunity to listen in.

- Keep talking to them about making good choices in every aspect of their life, including their friends -­‐Make  contact  with  the  parents  of  your  child's  new  friends.    (Note  –  PTSA  Membership  comes  with  one  free  directory.    This  is  the  best  way  to  get  phone  numbers  for  new  kids  and  parents.)  

- Kids in this community have access to money, cars, boats, empty houses, drugs, liquor cabinets and more. I think my main advice on the social scene would be: “Don’t ever hesitate to call the parents at a home where a gathering is planned. Ask a few key questions – once when I asked a Dad about his attitude toward serving liquor to minors, he laughed. My son did not attend the party at that home!” It is possible to have a congenial/ respectful relationship with your teen and still be the parent. The stakes are high – there are real dangers out there and teens are not known for their “good judgment”.

-We have also always “checked” parties, sleep-overs, etc by actually calling the hosting parents, especially if we don’t know them. (I usually introduce myself, thank the parents for having the party, ask if there is anything I can send any food, and make sure they have my phone number if they need

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SOCIAL (con’t): anything, etc.) When I do this, I am sure to mention to our son that I have called, so he is not surprised when the parent says “oh, I talked to your mom today….”. We still do this occasionally for our son who is an upperclassman. -Usually, freshmen boys are very nervous about asking a girl to the Homecoming dance. My son had a girl in mind, but he waited and she was asked by someone else. Same thing with his choice #2, and choice #3! If a boy wants to go, he needs to get a plan in place early! -After every home football game in the fal l , there is a great MOSH PIT in the outdoor amphitheater r ight outside the commons. The marching band plays and marches from the stadium to the amphitheater, and students dance l ike crazy during the 30 minute spir i t fest. I t is great fun to watch!

CHAPTER 7: WISE ADVICE FROM EXPERIENCED PARENTS Parent Involvement/ Rules

-Tough one and different for every child. Know their friends, know the parents, and generally, even though they say the don't want you there, they love having you see them and know you are proud of them. -Driving only on island until the six month probation is up.

-“Back Off”

-  Social  activities  encouraged,  with  limits.    Dances,  yes,  with  rules.    Sleepovers,  maybe,  as  planned  in  advance  and  with  COMMUNICATION.    Curfew,  never,  no  need.    No  matter  what  time  they  go  to  sleep,  they  still  have  to  live  up  to  their  ends  of  the  bargain  in  the  morning.    It  only  takes  a  time  or  2  and  this  lesson  is  self-­‐taught.  

-Our motto has always been “Truth over Obedience”.

-Currently we expect Johnny to tell us where he's going to be and we ask that he get home before the driving curfew. (He's still on his 6 mo. probationary license.) When he was younger, we were a little more involved especially since he needed to be driven. Now he's pretty independent

-DO let your kids know you will continue to call parents to see if an adult is home during social events. DO call those parents (we all appreciate each other doing that, even if our kids don't.) Think about a NO SLEEPOVER rule. Really...what good things can happen with a group of teenagers between midnight and 6 am?? Nothing!

-­‐My weekend curfews are on the early side, and I don't regret that. 10:30 freshman year, 11 sophomore year, 11:30 junior year and midnight senior year. I do make exceptions, where warranted, but I think the later kids stay out, the more trouble they get into.

- Set an early curfew as freshman...that way you have room to extend and it doesn't become a late hour by the time they are juniors. We started at 11:30. Our freshman gave us a lot of flack about that, but he got used to it, now he is a junior and comes home 11:30 to 12:30. ....nothing good happens after 12 am....

-My experience is that typical curfew for a Freshman is between 10 and 11 pm (on a regular Fri or Sat.)

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Advice from Experienced Parents: Parent Involvement/Rules (con’t):

- lock up your liquor and beer

-I am glad I have banned sleepovers, for the most part. Not much good comes out of them at this age... on a few rare occasions have let boys stay at my house when they couldn't get home safely, or didn't want to face the firing squad at home. I don't get involved; I just like to provide a safe place for them.

- We had a contract with our teenagers that was suggested to us by our daughter when she started high school. A friend of hers had this arrangement with her family, and it gave the kids great incentive to think carefully before making poor choices. For each of the topics of sex, drugs, smoking, and alcohol, we offered a financial incentive at the end of high school for each thing that they didn't do. We made the financial incentive large enough to get their attention, and it gave them an out with peers who might have been pressuring them to dabble in unhealthy behavior. We figured we'd be giving them some spending money for college anyway, and this gave them "strings free" money in the bank that they had earned with good behavior and safe choices. It was pretty successful. -My children pay for their own gas for all their personal driving. We pay for the gas for “family” driving (i.e. – family errands or transporting themselves to required activities.) This breaks down to about a 50/50 split on the cost.

- I f your chi ld does make a mistake, do not protect them from the consequences. One of my chi ldren was once involved in a criminal act. The consequences were swift and f irm, and we ful ly supported the professionals involved. We truly bel ieve she learned from her mistake and is a much better person for i t .

- Keep a drug testing kit under your bathroom sink and let them know you will use it. Randomly check them just to keep them on their toes.

- Talk frankly with your kids about alcohol and drug use, as well as sexual activity. If you’ve waited until 9th grade, you’ve waited too long. Make clear your expectations about these things and bring the subjects up again, occasionally, for reemphasis. Never underestimate how much they already know!

-Put  an  end  to  sleepovers.    They  aren’t  little  kids  anymore.    A  counselor  once  told  me  that  going  to  sleepovers  was  a  common  theme  with  the  High  School  kids  who  get  into  trouble.    It’s  an  invitation  for  the  kids  to  start  doing  the  things  they  shouldn’t  be  doing.  

-They are in HS and should be al lowed to make their own (small) mistakes.   The main thing is trust.   I f i t 's lost, i t 's lost forever.   Even i f i t s l ips, i f only just a l i t t le, on a ' l i t t le ' thing, parents need to jump al l over i t .   This avoids the big stuff .  

-­‐As  for  parents,  stay  involved!!!!    Be  a  band  booster,  soccer  game  snack  bar  worker,  help  serve  lunch  for  the  teachers,  chaperone  an  activity,  join  the  PTSA!    Though  the  time  of  “helping  in  the  classroom”  might  be  in  the  past,  kids  need  to  know  that  their  parents  are  actively  committed  to  their  school.  And,  everyone’s  support  is  needed  to  make  the  MIHS  community  thrive!  An  added  bonus  –  if  you  stay  involved,  you  are  in  the  information  loop  –  “conspiracy  of  mothers”  ,  I  called  it!    

-Set curfews and insist that your child check in with you before bed, even if he or she has to wake you up. (One parent’s rule is the child must kiss her goodnight so she can smell the child’s breath.)

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Advice from Exp. Parents: Parent Involvement/Rules (continued): - Keep communication open at all times, and don't be afraid to talk about sex, drugs, and rock and roll. :-) Your kids have to know how you feel about these issues.

-If you think your child is not ready to drive then wait!   Our very impulsive child had to wait an extra year before we allowed him to get his license.   Though he was unhappy with us, we do not regret the decision.  

-Students are texting 24/7. Make a curfew for the cell phone: 10:30 weeknights, 12:30 weekends. THEN—put the phone in your bedroom at night. If you doubt this—go online to your service. Check the phone number data usage—you will most likely find 1 a.m. on a Monday evening. 3 a.m. is not out of the question either. Then, 5 a.m. Kids are being woken up all night long. You may have to have the laptop brought in the kitchen or turn off the Wi-Fi as well. If my son complains that he can’t sleep—he is allowed to read. Just no electronics.

-During high school we were not our kids' fr iends, we were their parents - with al l the guidance they need to shepherd them through a fair ly tumultuous t ime, they need a parent - the fr iendship comes later when they are in col lege.

- At the dance pre-parties and after-parties, Make sure the parents plan to be home and make sure they plan to focus on the students and NOT be partying themselves—thus you are making sure there is not alcohol within hands reach of the students.

-­‐Make  sure  your  kids  know  you  love  and  adore  them,  will  always  be  their  advocates,  and  support  them,  but  you  are  PARENTS  and  not  just  friends.      They  know  the  rules  we  have  set,  and  if  they  break  them,  there  will  be  consequences.    

-As the saying goes… “Trust, but verify”.

-­‐Encourage  family  discussion  regarding  school  topics  at  the  dinner  table  or  sitting  in  the  living  room.  

-One  of  my  biggest  complaints  is  that  parents  do  not  see  that  their  children  are  getting  enough  sleep.    A  sleepy  child  does  not  learn.    

-We ask our kids to text us whenever they are on the move. Not a big deal early on, when kids don’t drive, but it’s a habit now and our older child will send us half a dozen texts on a Saturday night, as he moves around the island. We’re training our middle schooler to do this too.

-What we found most helpful when the older boys were in the high school (and we are now doing this with Johnny as he is a freshman) is keep in touch with the kids (where they go, who they hang with, what they are doing, and how does homework fit into this?) Know who their friends are, and I mean really know, not just a name, but the face and if possible, the parents' faces! If and when issues arose with "undesirables" my spouse and I were really firm. That person was not welcome in our home, period!! I know it is hard to be rigid with children, but we maintained a disciplinary approach - actions had consequences, always.

-Parent involvement is a must. You need to be at their activit ies. Love is not enough. You need to "show" your love by cheering, participating or helping on activit ies.

-Enforce good study and sleep habits by setting bed times and denying electronic use after a certain time. Have them turn off all electronics by 9:00 to 10:00 p.m. unless they are finishing a homework assignment. Check cell phone records to make sure they are not texting or calling each other after that time.

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Advice from Exp. Parents: Parent Involvement/Rules (continued): -We had a family rule that whenever there was a big problem (ex: kids caught lying, breaking rules, using alcohol, etc. )we took a time out and WAITED 24 HOURS before discussing it. It was a good chance for everyone to cool down and get their heads on straight.

- My kids have always known that my spouse and I have authority over what they are allowed to do. Yes, they get freedom and personal decision-making, but they know that if an event or activity does not meet our safety/supervision standards, then we will not allow them to go. It was smart to establish that up front so it wasn’t new news to them at the time of the event.

-Check your cell phone records and you will might see that you child is sending and receiving texts all night long. Phones go in the kitchen to charge after 10pm!!

Things parents said they would do differently if given the chance: -I would be more involved and meet the teachers and main people at the High School.

-  I  would  have  more  kids.    In  fact,  I'd  still  like  to  have  more  kids,  but  that  would  require  a  new  wife  and  I  like  the  one  I  have.    In  other  words,  I  wouldn't  do  anything  differently.    

-I wish I had been more strident in setting rules & specific times for studying. My daughter could have used one - two set hours per night with NO phone, computer or TV to sit and do homework. If I had set that as a hard rule day one - it would have been easier to stick to.

-­‐ I wish I had made it mandatory for them to sign up for at least one extracurricular activity.

-I would have made it impossible for my kids to use their phones or surf the internet or get on facebook while they were doing homework.

General Comments:

-I have been around teenage drivers for 8 years, and frequently they are not wise or safe. Be very cautious letting your child ride with young drivers. If your child has an upperclassman friend who has passed their 6-month probation period, that does NOT mean it is safe for your child to ride into Seattle at night with that driver! -Two of our four children attended MIHS and both had terrific experiences! They had fun, explored some new interests, made great friends and each acquired almost a semester of either credit or advanced placement opportunities. (They had excellent prep for college work!!!!!)

-­‐“MIHS  is  a  great  place  for  kids  who  are  self-­‐starters  and  self-­‐stoppers”.  

-One way to get familiar with the school and its pace is to go back to the PTSA website and look at previous versions of the WEEKLY BULLETINS and MONTHLY NEWSLETTERS. That gives you a feel for life at MIHS. You can find them at: www.mihsptsa.org

-­‐Your  child  can  get  a  driver’s  permit  at  age  15  ½.    IF  they  are  enrolled  in  a  driver’s  ed  class  that  begins  within  ten  days  of  their  15th  birthday,  they  can  get  their  permit  on  their  15th  birthday.    Our  family  always  had  our  kids  start  their  driving  at  age  15  so  they  could  have    

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General Comments (con’t): one  full  year  of  supervised  driving  with  an  adult  before  getting  their  license  at  age  16.    We  liked  this  idea  much  better  than  only  having  the  child  undergo  six  months  of  supervised  driving  before  getting  a  driver’s  license  at  age  16.  

-­‐I  read  everything  that  comes  from  the  high  school  via  listserv,  especially  the  weekly  letters  from  the  principal,  and  the  Bridges  lessons.  It  sounds  compulsive,  but  I  will  often  jot  down  notes  about  what  is  discussed  in  these  documents  so  that  I  won’t  forget  to  ask  my  student  about  them  (casually,  of  course).  Sometimes  I  get  a  monosyllabic  answer,  but  sometimes  it  actually  sparks  a  conversation!    

-­‐  Though  they  argue,  most  kids  (inside)  will  admit  that  they  appreciate  their  parent’s  interest  in  their  lives.    Some  say  values  are  completely  determined  by  age  16…..so  the  chance  for  change  is  really  before  then.    School  administrators  will  say  how  much  the  kids  brag  about  their  parent’s  involvement.    

“PAY ATTENTION”

-All kids lie. They make ones up that you could drive a semi-truck through.

-­‐We  have  a  large  family.    If  we  can  ever  arrange  it  (and  it  is  hard),  my  spouse  and  I  try  to  go  out  to  dinner  with  only  one  child.    The  child  feels  like  a  king  or  queen  and  it  often  leads  to  fantastic  conversations  that  we  can’t  have  in  a  larger  family  group.  

-Help them understand that there will be teachers, coaches, other kids etc. that may be difficult to deal with. They need to learn how to navigate thru those situations (obviously excluding blatant abuse, bullying etc.) without immediately claiming victimization. I've seen many, many parents run interference for their kids in minor situations and I don't really think that helps in the long run!

-Most kids at MIHS are way too coddled by their parents. They graduate from MIHS and don’t know how to go out and figure out things for themselves. Parents here do way too much for kids.

-Enjoy these years because they go by quickly!!”

-Make sure you know a lot but don’t reveal how much you know.

-­‐Most important advice to parents of incoming 9th grader's parents is to Relax!!! The vast majority of things that seem critical now (or in the next 6 months) really won't matter... So breath and trust all will work out. -The majority of parents at MIHS join the PTSA, and almost 100% of parents attend Curriculum Night (called “Pass The Hat”) in the fall.

-In the blur of raising teenagers, it is very easy to forget about your relationship with your own spouse or

significant other. Remember, the most important relationship in the family is the relationship

between the parents. ______________________________________________________________________

From Diane Johnson – So there you have it! I hope these comments have helped guide you as you start your journey at MIHS. My family has had a great experience at this school, and I wish you all the best at MIHS. Please feel free to contact me with any questions or comments [email protected] . The PTSA President for the 2013-2014 school year is Debbie Hanson [email protected] 236-3091.