Love+on+Purpose+Revolution Carol+Allen

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Property of Moving Light Media, Inc. © Moving Light Media, Inc. 2011

Love On Purpose Revolution Carol Allen

[Intro music]

Orna Walters: Hi I'm Orna Walters.

Matthew Walters: I'm Mathew Walters.

Orna: We are your hosts for the Love On Purpose Revolution.

Matthew: Our goal is to bust the myth that love is supposed to happen by accident.

Orna: We have brought together top experts to guide you through the process of creating love on purpose.

Matthew: Today, we are really excited to have with us Vedic Astrologer, Carol Allen. As a Vedic astrologer, relationship coach and radio host, who's been happily married for over 10 years, Carol Allen has made it her mission to show women how the stars, combined with their own right actions can help make the most of their love lives. Her methods are a unique marriage of East and West, combining her training in the Astrology of India with cutting edge, real world relationship research.

Orna: As the author of the best selling eBook, "Love is in The Stars," Carol covers little known, but critical astrological truth about love. Her favorite insights into compatibility can be found in The Right Man report using the most accurate, in-depth technique on all of astrology looked to for generations to arranged marriages. It instantly identifies how to make the most of things, the potential of current mates or if you should. Her free e-newsletter explores this life-changing material and so much more.

Matthew: Carol has been featured on Lifetime, E! Television network, Bridezilla, CBS News, Chicken Soup for the Soul, Hot Chocolate for the Mystical Soul. She's all over the place. So, to find out about Carol's programs or to subscribe to her free e-newsletter, go to www.soulmatesstars.com. Carol, welcome to the Love on Purpose Revolution.

Carol Allen: Thank you so much! We're here at last!

Matthew: Yes, we are.

Carol: Yay!

Matthew: And speaking of Astrology, sine we have a little Mercury retrograde at work.

Carol: Oh yeah. My printer decided to die last night just to herald it in. It started last night-ish, today-ish. So everybody, watch out! [laughter]

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Orna: We all know some bit of astrology. We all know the sign that we're born in, but I don't think everybody listening may know what Vedic astrology is. Could you let us all know what Vedic astrology is?

Carol: That's a great question. Well, it's called Vedic because it's from the Vedas. The Vedas are some of the oldest existing books on the planet and are among the spiritual scriptures of the Hindus of Ancient India. It's the system of astrology of India. It's believed to be the oldest system of astrology. It's got a tremendous amount of similarity to the Western system, which is the system here in our newspapers, magazines, and horoscopes. It's clear that there was definitely a lot of cross-pollination going on, a lot of sharing of knowledge. And there was a lot of travel between Greece, and Mesopotamia, Egypt, and India and all of those parts of the world. But there are huge differences, and the biggest difference got a lot of press this year.

I don't know if you, guys, noticed, but there was an astronomer that was interviewed back in January who said on some online interview. He said, "Oh, everyone doesn't seem to realize the signs have switched into the dates of changed, and most people aren't the sign they think they are."

This created this enormous firestorm of social media freak out and major media attention. I have to say it got more attention than astrology ever in my lifetime. And what was so cool was that that astronomer was talking about something that Vedic astrology has been talking about for forever. In the system that I do, everybody's pretty much a different sign then the sign they are in the Western System.

That's the big, short answer.

But I focus on relationships, because Vedic astrology has been used for thousands of years to arrange marriages and their compatibility techniques go way beyond just, "Will we like each other. Will we get along?"

They actually get into what's the destiny of this relationship and then the techniques for timing a relationship. It's like when we meet someone, when are you in what I call a season of love or when are you in a season of loneliness. This is what I call "love-blocking cycles."

That's the number one reason people come to see someone like me, is they want to know that because I'm sure a lot of your listeners actually have tried to make a lot of effort in their love lives. And haven't just waited for it to happen, but sometimes all of that effort gets nothing but a lot of frustration.

That's when people come to see me, when they're exhausted and bleeding. They want to know, "Okay, should I join one more Internet service? Should I hire one more match-maker? Should I go to one more singles event? Help!”

Orna: Wow. OK. That's a lot right there.

Carol: I know.

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Orna: I'm curious then, too. Are you saying that this system of Vedic astrology is also used to determine when to get married?

Carol: Yes. Mm-hm.

Orna: Wow!

Carol: Or when you'll more likely find someone. I'd like to say it's a bit more like weather predictions. A farmer isn't a bad farmer, because his crops won't grow if he plants in the wintertime. It doesn't mean he's a bad farmer. It means the conditions aren't right. I like that analogy a lot. When it comes to our love lives, or our professional lives, or our health, ideally. You need the conditions to be right. But just like the flowers in your yard, I don't know if you guys have a yard or you have bulbs. Anybody that has bulbs or red roses, you don't have to do anything to make them bloom when it's time. They go from not blooming to, "Oh my, God! There's all my narcissus." Or, "There's all my roses." It's just time.

Ninty-five percent of the time when people come to see me, it's either an issue of their making the wrong effort or they are making no effort. I will say I see that a lot are making a little or no effort. Or it's simply not time yet. So all the effort they've been making isn't going to be fruitful.

That's three things. I talk a lot about what I call "The Will and Grace of Love." And the will part is the self-effort part. It's the personal responsibility part.

Orna: Oh yeah.

Carol: You can't completely sit back and wait on fate. I was so excited when you guys, called me about this series. My particular field, or the field of psychics, or palm readers, or any of us in the woo-woo side of things.

We especially deal with the clientele that's waiting for the magic or waiting for things just to happen. They'll say things to me like, "What? You want me to Internet date? If it's right, shouldn't it just happen?" I hear that stuff all the time from people. It's especially a problem in my field.

Orna: Right. This excited you, this idea of creating love on purpose?

Carol: Why, I loved it. I'm such a fan of making as much positive effort and taking as much responsibility as we can. But then, there is the piece that says you really do have to wait for the right time, for the whole enchilada.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt.

Orna: No, I didn't mean to interrupt you. I find this timing thing interesting because Matthew and I talk about timing a lot. And I don't think we've shared this yet with any of these calls about us. But Matthew and I met through a business networking group. But we had been attending the exact, same meeting every single month for over a year. And never talked to each other until we did.

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Then when we did, poof! Things really happened rather quickly, easily, somewhat effortlessly. I started hearing you on the sense of we grow food. You time out flowers and I can relate a bit. But I know if I'm planting my tomatoes and even here in Southern California. And I put them in the ground in December, I'm not going to get any tomatoes.

[laughter]

Carol: Right. exactly. Great. You're not sitting back going, "I should just have tomatoes because I deserve tomatoes and I want tomatoes." I should just walk out one day and there should be tomatoes. You actually plant when the time is right, and you actually canned your tomato plants, right?

Matthew: Well, we just sit and visualize tomatoes and hope they show up at our door. [laughter]

Carol: I really am a fan of the Law of Attraction. I must make people crazy, because I sound like I'm contradicting myself all the time. I'm a huge fan of visualization, meditation, chanting for what you want. Like putting it out there, writing your list, doing affirmations. That stuff works, but it only works if it's also written. Here's what I mean by that: All of us have DNA. We all have a certain body type. We all have a certain genetic coding for health that we come in with. You have a range that you're working within, so you can be as healthy as possible for your genetics based on your lifestyle.

Your exercise, your sleep, your diet, you can trash yourself and got to the low end of your spectrum. Or you can really take great care of yourself and go to the high end of your spectrum. But if your genetics say you're never going to be taller than 5'6", then you're never going to play professional basketball. You know what I mean?

What I love is your chart. Your astrology chart is essentially similar. It's analogous to your genetics. I'm looking at the map of your life and you have absolutely have a range you're working within. My mentor used to say there's fixed karma and negotiable.

If it's something fixed like if your chart says you are never going to be a movie star. Then if you come to see me and say, "Am I going to be a movie star?" I'm not going to lie to you, but I'm not also going to kill your dream. I'm going to say, "I'm going to look for the way you can be artistic or you can be self-expressive or you can be in front of people." But if you're chasing your tail, it's such a relief to know. That's why I love what I do because most people come to me when they're pretty discouraged or pretty disappointed or pretty exhausted. They don't come to me, because everything's working. They come to me when it's not working and I love being able to see how is it going to work and when is it going to work. And then, encourage then to take the right effort at the right time, really cool. Yeah.

Matthew: Awesome. Yeah. I love that. I love that. It makes me think. We get a lot of people who say this to us, "Well, maybe it's just not supposed to happen for me."

Carol: Right.

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Matthew: "Maybe my time has passed and it's just not going to happen." And I can see somebody latching on this idea of, "Well, my fate and my karma now."

Carol: Right.

Matthew: Now I get to just add that in and it's really not going to happen for me. What are you going to have to say to somebody who's at that place like, "I just don't know if this is ever going to happen for me?"

Carol: I almost never see a chart where I go, "This is never going to happen." Almost never. I've read thousands of charts. I've thought that less than ten times. What's very common is we all tell ourselves the story of what our life is supposed to be, or look like. And we've been telling ourselves this story for forever. We had an idea, maybe at five, ten, fifteen. I'm going to be married by twenty-five. Then I'm going to have my first kid by thirty, my second kid by thirty-five."

I hear this stuff from people all the time!

Because that was the story, if life doesn't fit the story, if they aren't married by twenty-five, then by twenty-nine they're like, "That's it. Forget it. It's too late." That’s obviously makes an extreme example.

But we do this to ourselves. We do this to ourselves with everything. If you don't have a house by this time, if I don't make money by this time, if I'm not successful in this way by this time, then I'm screwed."

So we're meaning-making machines as humans. We make meanings of things and we have a lot of beliefs about things. And it's hard for most people to just take life as it comes and be in the present. It's really hard.

I'm going to sound like I'm contradicting myself, because I want people to have goals. And I want people to really honor what they want. Somebody wants to get married, wants to have a family, wants to find their life partner, that's really good that they make that a goal, and they go for that.

But then, I want them to drop the attachment to the outcome. The ancient writing of the Hindus, there's this beautiful Bible of Hinduism and it's called Bhagavad Gita. The entire book is basically about "Do your duty. Do your effort. Do you work, but let go of attachment to outcome."

And that's really the toughest thing for humans to do. It's like all of us are here. And we're supposed to do the best with what we're here to do, whatever that is. But we have to let go of our small perspective of what it's supposed to look like or how it's supposed to all come together. And that's really the biggest thing I do all day is I help people let go of the story that's torturing them.

And just embrace what really is their life.

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Orna: Oh, that's so great. I love this idea of there's some fixed things and there's some things that we get choice and get to apply our free will. What do you say to somebody listening and they're in a relationship currently, and they're struggling in that relationship. And they're wondering how you can help.

Carol: So that's a fantastic question. One of my favorite things about astrology is basically what I just said. It helps us accept what is so. It helps us accept who we are. I like to say we're preloaded up the factory, right?

We all come in with a basic personality, a basic set of talents that we can nurture and develop, certainly. But personality typing of all kinds says, “Nature Versus Nurture” that nature really makes you who you are. Some of us have mechanical ability. Some of us have organizational ability. Some of us are good creatively. Some of us are really emotional and we are just that, right?

Ask any parent of more than one child and they'll say, "Bobby was Bobby from day one. He was dominant. He was aggressive, but Suzie was sensitive and shy and it's the craziest thing, we're the same parents in the same household. We have totally different kids and that was the way they came."

Parents say that stuff to me all the time. It's really true of all of us. Accepting what is so is really the key to happiness in life. And then doing the most we can to make things as close to what we want.

It's not about just passively going, "Well, I'm single and that's just the way it is." It's like, you know what, I'm single, I'm going to embrace that. Or I'm in a relationship with a lot of challenges, but I still feel like I'm supposed to be here. How can I learn to make the most out of it, or how can I really get clear if it's not going to change? Do I still want it? And if I don't, how can I get the strength to move on?

One of my favorite things about the system that I do is there's this crazy, amazing compatibility technique that basically shows the inherent system of the relationship between two people. It really is like, the relationship between two people is its own third being and is its own separate system that has strengths and weaknesses that are inherent to that system, or to that energetic force, that are just the way it is.

You can certainly make the best of them, or compensate for them, or work to be happy in spite of them. If there are certain issues that are just integral to the relationship, they are not going to go away. Things like one person might have way more assertive pressure. Might be way more aggressive than the other, so they might tend to dominate the other. One person might have the faster process, and might always be ready for more than the other person is ready for.

They might always have a misunderstanding in how they communicate, and they might have to really work hard to try to speak each other's language. These things are often just the deal. And I love being able to say to people, "Hey, this is just the deal."

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You're not just imagining things. These problems are in the relationship and you're not crazy. People say to me all the time, "Oh my God, that's exactly how I feel. How do you know?" And they're so relieved to go, "Wow. I didn't make this worse, I'm not messing this up."

But then, what I get frustrated about is a lot of astrologers will say to people, or psychics will say to people, "Oh my God. You have to break up. Oh, this will never going to work," or "Oh, you got to get away from this person." And that's really not right. It's really not our place to make people's decisions for them. It's our place to tell people this is the cost of this relationship. This is the system and it's your choice if you want to work really hard or not. And some relationships don't require hard work. They don't, and some do.

Some of us are here to be in relationships that are hard. We just are. It's like that's what we're really here to learn. If it's really personal, Orna, that's a fantastic question. But it's really an individual decision and every relationship is different and unique and everybody's life is different and unique.

But my favorite thing to tell people is you can see why some people really, really, really love each other, but can't get their needs met. And it's hard in those relationships. Those are the most painful. We've all been in that one, right?

Orna: Oh, yeah.

Carol: Where you're so attached, or so attracted, or so in love that the person makes you crazy or makes you an insecure mess. Or the relationship drains you, or you always feel hungry for more than you're getting. I love being able to say to people, that's not going to change, if that's not going to change, because then makes me come to the decision to move on their own with that new awareness, if that's what they want to do.

Matthew: Sure.

Carol: Have you guys interviewed Larry Michael, of Match Matrix?

Matthew: Yeah.

Carol: Larry did a show Monday night where he came clean and said he's just ended his three-year relationship with his three-year girlfriend. He wouldn't mind me sharing this because the whole show was about this.

Orna: Wow.

Carol: He asked me to co-host the show with him, because I had told him three years ago, "There's love here and you won't be able to get your needs met mutually." And he knew it at that time that he needed to go through the process, which is completely fine. But he always felt that that was true, and that both of them had a different vision of what they wanted in a primary relationship for themselves. He was finally, after three years, able to say, "I can't do this anymore."

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That's the gift of something like astrology or Vedic astrology. That's the gift. It helps people know what's so. "Who am I? Who are they? What's this relationship about? When is it time?" Et cetera. It's awesome.

Matthew: What I love about that story is Larry shared with us when we were first talking with him about Match Matrix, and he did us. He talked about he and his girlfriend. He said there were some challenges even in the Match Matrix system for them. What I love about this is it shows these systems are all coming to some conclusion that is actually true.

Carol: Well, you know what I love is I always say, "All roads lead to Rome." Like if you get your numbers done, your palm read, your aura read, we should all tell you the same stuff. I've done all of that, because I love this stuff. I've got my tea leaves read, my Tarot cards. You name it. I've done it, and I know a lot of wonderful practitioners of the “Woo-Woo Arts,” as I call it. But I'm also a fan of business personality test. I love the Disc profile. I love the Myers Briggs Personality Test. They all say the same stuff. My palm says I'm a people pleaser, approval junkie. And my Disc profile says that, too. Hilarious!

Orna: Absolutely. I'm trained in the science of Hand Analysis, non-predictive palmistry.

Carol: I totally forgot that. That's right.

Orna: Anybody I've ever read, if they’ve had their chart done, or they had whatever else, they're like, "Oh, this is similar," and I would say, "I hope so, because if it wasn't similar something's really wrong. Because it's just another lens with which we get to look through, which gives us information." That's one of the reasons why we really wanted to have you on here and I think a lot of people were like, "The love is in the stars? What? I thought this is Creating Love On Purpose?!"

What I really want our listeners to hear is that there are these amazing tools, and these amazing systems that give us information, and then it's up to us with what we do with the information.

Carol: Right. Absolutely. I will tell you what I love about the work that I do, and the system that I work with is there are certain personality types that you can see from a person's chart that I've come to call "single archetypes."

There are five combinations that can be seen several ways that create five different personality types that contribute to a person being and staying single. I've seen a lot of people with this personality types hit a season of love and still not find love, because their personality type still limits them.

Then I've seen other people, when they're not in seasons of love, they're still dating and having relationships, and having a great time. They're not necessarily getting married, because you really shouldn't if you're not in a season of love. Because it won't stick, it won't last. It won't be a permanent marriage.

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But some people are just always in relationship, and then some people, especially if they have one or more of these dominant archetypes in their charts. Do you want me to share the symbol?

Matthew: Yes. Let's definitely share what those archetypes are.

Carol: OK. Because you don't need to read your charts to recognize if this is you. The most common one I see and this is why I love the name of your series. And I'm totally applauding what you guys are doing. The most common one I see is what I call the "Lady in the Tower" and of course it could be a man, too.

This is the person who's home on Friday nights, who's home on the weekends, who's in their sanctuary. Maybe they love being alone, or they have this intense job, and they need down time. Or they're not that social, or dating and going out really exhausts them.

They what I call "The Best Kept Secret in Town" and they come to see me and I say, "Listen. You say you want a relationship, but I bet you go from work to home to work to home. I bet on the weekends, you're running errands. You're not talking to strangers and you're not smiling. You keep to yourself, and you're shy." And they say, "Uh huh."

When you do go out, it's probably with one close girlfriend or your gay best friend. Or it's to Pilates where it's only women, or it's to baby showers where it's only other women. And women laugh and they go, "Oh my God! You've been following me around."

That's the "Lady in the Tower." And that the thing I really want for the "Lady in the Tower" is clear. It's obvious. I want her to get out of the tower. And my favorite book for singles, I wish I wrote it. I didn't write it. I'm just going to share my favorite book. It's called "Why Men Marry Some Women And Not Others".

It's a study, an almost ten year study, where they interviewed almost a thousand couples coming out of marriage license bureaus in the bloom of love about to get married. They separated the men from the women all over the country, all walks of life, asked them the same series of questions – and they got the same answers over and over.

And overwhelmingly, the women told the researchers, they treated this part of their lives like it was their first priority, like it was a job. They went out an average of three times a week to meet men, or put themselves in situations where romantic opportunities would arise. And they didn't leave this the chance. And I loved that. I absolutely loved that.

That's the "Lady in the Tower," or of course the "Man in the Tower," (if you have any men listening). The second person often becomes the person in the tower, or the "best-kept secret," because they're extremely sensitive. They're what I call the Highly Sensitive Person. There's a whole substrata in psychology. There's a whole personality type called HSPs: Highly Sensitive People. Have you guys heard of this?

Matthew: No.

Carol: OK. I had never heard of this. I thought I knew everything. I've been so into personal growth, self-health, personality typing, psychology, sociology. I thought I'd

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heard it all. I had never heard of this. I interviewed a guy when I had a radio show on this topic. And it blew me away because, ninety-five percent of my customers, and my clients and people who turn to me, or astrology, or coaches are highly sensitive people.

Highly sensitive people are a personality type, so it's as inherent to them as their hair color or eye color. They take dating and love way too hard. And they'll say things to me like, "Oh! I tried Internet dating. It was devastating." And I'm like, "Devastating? What happened?"

I'm expecting some huge story like, "An axe murderer tried to put them in the trunk."

And they're like, "Men ten years older than me emailed me."

[laughter]

Carol: And I'm like, "Yeah and...?" And to them, that's like so awful, and so horrifying. Now, I don't mean to make fun of people. Internet dating is a drag and it can be really hard. But it can also give you access and opportunity you'd never get otherwise. My sister is about to marry the man of her dreams; she met him online. I'm a huge fan of Internet dating, but I also get that it's a headache.

But they say things to me like, "I Internet dated. It was so exhausting." Like, "Really?" I'm picturing them going out five nights a week, I’m like, "What?” They say, “I met three men."

These are highly sensitive people. They don't mean to be dramatic, and they don't mean to be high maintenance. They genuinely don't roll with life very easily. But the bigger challenge for them is they bond very quickly, and they have these enormous hearts. And this incredible intuition, this incredible empathy and compassion that enables them to do that across a crowded room. And be like boom! In love!

They have a hard time once they feel a connection to somebody.

My friend, Christian Carter calls it, "The danger of a connection." Once they feel a connection, they're toast!

They can't even see if the person's a good person, if the person is available. All they see is the connection they feel. One of my cornerstone teachings is don't confuse connection with compatibility, right?

Orna: Right. Absolutely.

Carol: And don't confuse chemistry with compatibility. It's just chemistry and connection.

Orna: Right.

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Carol: They tend to move too quickly. They take it all too hard. And then, they move too fast. They bond too quickly with people they don't know, and then they get burned a lot. So then, they go climbing into the tower. That's the second one.

Should I keep going?

Orna: Oh, this is fascinating. Please keep going.

Carol: Awesome. OK. The third is something I see a lot, and this is fascinating because this can be seen astrologically, the third is when men have charts that are more feminine, more like heart-centered, emotional, passive, yielding, laid back, et cetera. And women have charts that are more masculine. It's so fascinating. The only thing that you cannot tell from your chart is your gender.

Orna: Oh, right.

Carol: Yeah. You can show me a hundred charts and go, "Who are the men? Who are the women?" I cannot tell you. I have no way to know. But astrologically, every planet has a gender, and every sign has a gender. Depending on what signs or planets dominate in your chart, you're going to be emotionally and behaviorally more masculine or feminine.

Now, I don't mean butch or femme. When I talk about masculine energy, I mean proactive, positive, go for the gusto, action-oriented, more in your head than in your feelings – that’s a masculine person.

A feminine person is more passive, yielding. When there's a crisis, they withdraw. When there's a problem, they retreat.

Now, they don't easily retreat forever, but they need to retreat initially. And then, they come back and they're the cavalry. But that masculine person is the cavalry from Day 1. They're like, “Dun Duh Da!” They're the person you call when there's a problem.

What often happens is so many experts have these fabulous rules about the dynamics between men and women, and a lot of them I absolutely love. I love John Gray and I know he's in the series. I'm so humble and honored to have my name in a lineup with his. Love, love, love his stuff! And, sometimes his advice needs to be flipped. Sometimes the guy is the one that needs to be pursued.

Orna: Yes. Sometimes the men are from Venus and women are from Mars.

Carol: Totally. Completely. So many experts say things like, "Always let the man chase, and always let the man do all the pursuing. And don't do any initiating. He won't like it." Guess what? If he's got a feminine chart, he'll be so relieved.

[laughter]

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If he's got a feminine chart, he'll not only like it, he'll love it. That's where sometimes this one-size-fits-all advice isn't appropriate. And so, I love being able to say to women, "Honey, your chart says you're a dude." They laugh, because if it does, they know it.

They totally laugh. They go, "Oh my God! Carol, you're so right." And I'm like, "And you've got to learn how to communicate more from your heart. How to let men help you, how to be vulnerable, how to stop being so “In-Charge Marge” because it tends to push men away. And astrologically, there's the whole yin and yang theory. There's the whole complementary energy theory.

Orna: Right.

Carol: If you're feminine, I don't care what gender you are. Your complement is a masculine partner. If you're masculine, and I don't care what gender you are, your complement is a feminine partner. But we've been socialized to think, "Oh, well, I'm a woman, so I have to be with someone who's taller, richer, more successful, stronger." But if your chart says you're a woman, but you're superwoman, those guys aren't going to like you.

The sweetie pie guys are, but you're not going to respect them. This is very akin to Pat Allen's work. This goes really beautifully with her work.

I write about this in my eBook. And I have a whole chapter on this. I have a quiz people can take. And then I have all this advice like, "What do you do if you're woman and a masculine, or a man and a feminine and you don't want to be?"

How can you access more the other and call forward more the other and bring yourself more into balance? And then, if you're with a partner that's more one or the other and you want to bring out more of their other side, how can you communicate with them to inspire that? Instead of having power struggles ,or instead of being disrespectful to them, or thinking you need to throw them away. Because what happens a lot is masculine women will throw feminine men away. But then the next guy they get is a feminine, too. So it's like they go through all these nice men and they crush them. And then they either get more of the same, or they often end up alone.

Anyway, this is one of my favorite parts of the work that I do is that whole piece. That's one of the archetypes.

And then the fourth, this one is tough. This one's big. Now, let's see. Is this the fourth? I've lost count.

Matthew: It's the fourth.

Orna: Yeah. It's the fourth.

Carol: Thank you. This one is the toughest. This one is the person who thinks love is hard. This person needs the most help, because this is usually subconscious. You don't even necessarily know you think this, but this is the person who comes to all of us and says, "It's too late. I missed my chance." “It's going to happen for everyone, but me.”

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“God or the Universe hates me.” “I'm so special that I'm doomed to die alone," even though 90 percent of us get married, right?

They're convinced, like that ship has sailed, and they're on their own little island forever. That's the person who thinks that love is hard. The problem with the person who thinks love is hard is as soon as they find anything that looks like love. Feels like love. Smells like love. Talks like love. Walks like love. They'll take it, even if it's already married to someone else, even if it's alcoholic, even if it's abusive, even if it's withholding. Because they think love is hard, they're only in hard love situations.

Orna: Oh wow.

Carol: Yeah. So this person needs reprogramming, honestly, because maybe they saw Mom and Dad do that. Maybe Mom and Dad did that with them. Who knows why? Maybe they always envisioned they'd be like a tragic heroine in a tragic opera.

Orna: Does that show up in someone's chart this hard love thing?

Carol: Yeah, it does.

Orna: Is this a fixed thing or can we change it?

Carol: No! Again, there's a range you can always make it better, and even those people can totally turn things around. But I am a fan of them doing affirmations. Doing visualizations. Doing subliminal CD's to help them reprogram their subconscious mind. There's something going on subconsciously with those people. And again, they might not even know it. But the way to know if this is you, is look at your history. Is everyone unavailable? Is everyone awful to you? Do you seem great at first and then become a big bastard, or a big bitch basically?

If that's your story, then you think love is hard.

Or if right now, you’re in a half relationship, like you're seeing someone, but they aren't giving you what you want. And they haven't for a long time, and it's clear that they're never going to. But you're still working so hard to win them or convince them or get them. Then you think love is hard.

Because someone who believes that love is as available to all of us as the oxygen we breathe and the leaves on the trees...

Orna: They've got love.

Carol: They are not going to put up with that. They're going to go, " Pfft! Why would I put up with this? There's like a love banquet right out the door."

Orna: Right.

Carol: I like to joke my husband is a relationship guy. He's always been in a relationship. He had the first love at 15. He had the engagement at 18. He had the

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four-year thing, the two-year thing, the four-year thing, the three-year thing, the other engagement, and then he had me. And like no in-between basically.

I always joke if I died tomorrow, he'd have a big old cry. And he'd take a date to the funeral. He'd be on with it, just because to him, this is like falling off a log.

Orna: It's available.

Carol: It's just there. The world is full of it and really the world is full of it. If you only get the terrible, tragic story again and again, there's no shame in that. You learn about somewhere and it's not your fault. Go unlearn it. Go get support for that one.

Orna: Awesome. And so, number five is?

Carol: OK. Oh my God. I can't remember five.

[laughter]

Carol: Then I'm just going to have to give my newsletter and find out.

Orna: OK. Fair enough.

Carol: Cliffhanger. Teaser. I forgot. I'm blanking!

Orna: That's totally fine. I know that because you're such a big proponent of self-effort and, because this is the Love on Purpose Revolution, what are you're absolutely favorite self-effort tips to finding love?

Carol: Oh, I'm so glad you asked. OK. My favorite is so easy, and it's so easy that people don't do it. Because they don't believe it can be that easy. My number one favorite tip is start talking to everyone everywhere you go. My number one favorite tip is start smiling at strangers. Start commenting on the weather, start asking for the time. You don't have to be clever, smart, funny, charming, interesting. You just have to throw them a crumb. That is it.

Because what tends to happen is we've learned, especially for the women that are listening. We've learned very early on, "Oh, it's not safe to talk stranger. Oh, men might want something. I'm vulnerable. I'm a girl." We got all of that indoctrination and we go all of that fear. Or maybe we were really friendly at one point. We got too much attention. We learned to shut it down.

And then, everywhere we went, everybody said, "Men want to pursue. Men want to chase. Men like a challenge. Don't initiate." And then, they watch all those fairy tales where everybody did nothing except for eat a poison apple and fall asleep. And oh my God! There was love!

We've all been raised to believe it's either supposed to happen effortlessly, or you're supposed to do nothing. Or God forbid you talk to strangers. So we don't talk to people that we encounter all day long, and it's so easy and it's so sweet.

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I talked to a woman a year ago and she called me today for a follow-up session and she said, "Carol." She's Australian, so she has this adorable accent, but I won't try. But she said, "Carol, I've been doing what you said. And I can't believe the power of a smile!" She said she's getting asked out more than ever. She's meeting so many nice people. All she's doing is sending signals.

The number one tip I have for people is you don't have to knock yourself out and join Internet dating sites if that makes you break out in hives. And you don't have to pay a matchmaker thousands of dollars. Just start talking to people.

And to ramp it up further, the number one way people meet the person they marry is through people they know. If you don't know people who know the kind of person you're looking for, go meet new people. Go make new friends, go join the kinds of groups that the person you're looking for would be in, or the friends of the person you are looking for would be in.

So if you want cultural partner, go join a charity that's cultural. Go join a museum board. Get invitations to all the art openings in your area, and start going. If you want a person that's athletic, please take up tennis. It's the way to make instant friends. Such a social game, please take up golf. Please join a water ski club. There are so many amazing groups and organizations. Just go join stuff.

The first thing is start talking to strangers, just start introducing yourself to people you don't know. Say, “Hello” to the person at Starbucks.

I'll tell you how I discovered this. This is hilarious. I wrote my book, which I know you guys are going to talk about. I wrote my book at coffee houses. I've been married like ten years. I work out at my home. I'm super happy with my husband and we're kinda like the lady and the man in the tower. We're kinda boring. We walk our dog. We go to dinner. We don't go out much. I hadn't flirted with strangers in a good decade. I started hanging out at coffee shops to write my book. And I'm super social and chatty. And I just started chatting with people. I couldn't believe it you guys, I started getting asked out like crazy. It was retarded. It was ridiculous.

[laughter]

I was like, "What? Me? I'm an old, married lady." "What?" I was always in my schleppy jeans or sweats or T-shirt. I never dressed up. I was never putting it out there. I was just literally saying to somebody in front of me in line, "Oh you have "Harvard" on your sweatshirt. Did you go to Harvard?"

Next thing you know they’re like, "Yeah." "Wow, that's so cool! I was Harvard Medical." "No way, you're a doctor? Good for you." That must have been hard. Nothing flirtatious in anything I said. And then they're like, "Well, what do you do? Where do you live? Well, can I have your number?" I'm like, "What?"

[laughter]

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Carol: It's that easy, but everyone I talked to isn't doing that. They're not doing that. They're too busy. They're too shy. They're waiting for the man or the woman of their dreams to cross a crowded room and pick them.

Orna: Right. Well, they're stuck in their story, whatever that is, that story that's keeping them single. I would encourage everybody who's listening right now, who's listening to us, who wants to be in a relationship to prove us wrong. Take a coaches' challenge from us right now. Start talking to people when you're out in the world, because I know this to be true.

I was out with some girl friends last weekend. And we were at a dance club and it was a girls only birthday party. This guy starts talking to me and he's like, "So, your group is short on guys and our group is short on gals, so why don't we put our two groups together?"

And I was like, "Oh my God! He's flirting with me." Suddenly, I was like, "Well, I don't think that's going to work. See, we purposely didn't ask our men out. I'm happily married."

It's really easy and just a matter of going out. I love what you're saying, Carol. And really try and prove us wrong, ladies. If you really want to have a man, Matthew is right here. Matthew, what does the guy need to know?

Matthew: He just needs to know that water is warm.

[laughter]

Matthew: It's true, though. You look out there and the water is frigid cold, right?

Carol: Right. What's happened to you eight million times by the time you tripped over the woman of your dreams, you've been rejected eight million times or you felt like you bothered somebody. You don't want to bother anybody. This is what I say. The nice guys aren't going to approach without some kind of cue. The bad guys will. A lot of women become convinced the world is only full of bad guys, because those are the only ones approaching them. Because they're shut off to everyone else, and then they become more shut off. Because they keep meeting bad guys, it becomes this vicious cycle.

Orna: Great advice. Okay. There's something that you call "The Five Critical Keys to Love."

Carol: Yes.

Orna: We're coming close to this hour, so we don't have another 20 minutes, half an hour to go through five. But if you can give us the five, let's go quickly. Five Critical Keys to Love. What are they?

Carol: We touched on one of them. It has to be time. So just because you think you're ready, doesn't mean your destiny is ready.

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Carol: You might end up with someone that's married to someone else right now. We don't know your story yet, and you don't know your story yet. If you feel like you're ready but it's not coming, it may just be that something better is going to happen later. So that's one of the five. The other one of the five is, it's not enough to be compatible but it's very important to be compatible, but it's only one of the five. The biggest downfall of doing the work that I do is oftentimes, everybody who's into astrology or has heard about astrology thinks all that matters in love is, "Are we compatible? Are we compatible?"

Well, you can be compatible astrologically with an axe murder. You can be compatible with somebody who can't be faithful, with somebody with addictions, with somebody who lives across the country. Are you going to be happy? Is that relationship going to work out? Probably not. Compatibility is only one piece, but it's a super important piece. Because if you're not compatible it's not going to be worth it. It's going to be too hard.

So the third is: Do you have good relationship skills? You can be in the right timing and you can find somebody that you have this amazing, instant affinity with. Who you have all those chemistry with, you laugh at the same things, you agree on everything from wallpaper to where to go out to dinner.

But one of both of you might not have good communication skills or might not know how to set boundaries. Or might not be really relationship-oriented, and you can still mess it up. Compatibility and good timing is not a guarantee. It's a lot and it's so helpful. But it's not a guarantee.

Those are three. But I have a gift for everyone, its an interview where I talk about “The Five” in depth.

Orna: Awesome.

Carol: I can tell them all how to get their gift, if they want.

Matthew: Sure.

Carol: Yeah. I did an amazing interview with this wonderful woman named Amy Ahlers, who's also called "The Wake-up Call Coach." And we talked about “The Five Critical Keys To Love” for an hour, and how to ramp them all up, and how to make the best of them, and how to understand them. Because this stuff causes people a lot of pain. They can find someone who they feel so good with, but it still doesn't work. Or they can find someone and they can really have worked on their relationship skills and they can really be good at relationships and it still doesn't work.

Or they can come to someone like me ,or you, and their hand says it's time. Or I say it's time and it still doesn't work. And they're really pissed! They're like, "What? How is this possible?" And it's because they don't have all five. They can get this interview and my free newsletter if they go to soulmatestars.com/ keystolove. It's an mp3. You can download, you can put on your iPod and you can listen to it. It's really fun. Amy does a great job, and yeah, a little bonus. They’ll get the other two. Again, another cliffhanger.

p.18


Orna: Awesome. I love that. No, I love that. And I want people to go and get it because it's awesome. I love your stuff. Compatibility is important, but it isn't everything. It's only one part of that piece and timing and everything else is so important. I want to hear a little bit about how you and your husband hooked up.

Carol: Oh my God. Well, I was my own best customer, right? I was my own Petri dish like all of us. Most of us teach what we most needed to learn. I was told at 23 at my very first Vedic astrology reading, not to even bother having a serious relationship until I was thirty. And I was like, "What?"

Orna: Wow!

Carol: This crushed me. I thought he was out of his mind. I'd already been in nine weddings, right. My mother met her husband at 23. My sister met her husband at 23. I was the magic age. What do you mean I got to wait seven years? I went off on my journey and I tried to play a little game I call "Beat the Planets."

And I couldn't beat the planets. I couldn't make anything work. I was just like my clients. I was bloody and exhausted and with broken bones by the time I was 29. I was like, "You know what, screw it. I'm just going to have fun. I'm just going to enjoy myself I'm just going to enjoy the moment and be grateful to be alive and meet people and have a good time." Of course, what happened, I started having a ball because that's the attitude to have. It makes you more attractive and it makes you open to the possibilities of life.

So, boom at 30, here's my husband. Now, the weird part of the story is he was my boyfriend at 23 and I did meet him at the magical age and I asked that first astrologer, "I'm with this fantastic person. Could it be him?" And he said, "I don't think so because it's too early."

He was wrong, but what he was right about is even with the right guy, we had a really rocky time and we had a really dramatic relationship and we broke up four times. I put the guy through Hell. And we broke up for four years.

And here's where it's amazing. One of my other mentors, who've been doing readings for twenty-nine years had said to me, "You have the strongest compatibility I've ever seen in twenty-nine years of doing readings." I thought that meant we were golden. I thought that was our get-out-of-jail free card. I thought that meant I didn't have to do another thing.

What I didn't have was good relationship skills. I was twenty-three and a drama queen. I was moody, sensitive. He didn't fit my picture, so I did a lot of trying to change him. I did a lot of doubting the relationship, bringing him my doubts. I did a lot of beating up the relationship. And he was finally so exhausted and bloody that he went away.

In the four years that he went away, I got my relationship training. I became a coach. I combined it with the astrology. I really saw where I had gone wrong. And so, I got the skills that I had been lacking. So when he came back, just when my chart said. It was so funny you guys, he came back three days into the window where my husband was supposed to show up. Since I'd been thinking for seven years it was someone else, when

p.19


he came back, I was like, "Well, listen. I'm getting married this year, so I can't be exclusive."

The poor guy, he was like, "Really? You're funny." Good for him, he has a lot of confidence. He was like, "It's me. Whatever babe, you're funny.” Right?

Anyway, it was him. But what was so much fun, is he said to me very quickly in the relationship. "I cannot believe the difference in you. You have matured. The time apart has been so life-changing." He was so thrilled with the changes in me. I said to him, "No! This wasn't time. This was skills.”

That's one such a fan of skills because I screwed up that needle in a haystack relationship. I had the perfect compatibility with the perfect soul mate and I still lost him. But I lost him also because it wasn't time. I found the right guy at the wrong time.

My personal story has become so inspirational for my readers and my clients. I didn't intend that or plan that, but that's the beauty of God's bigger plan. Who knew all those years that I was miserable in dating bozos and getting nowhere? Dumping him and getting back together. Who knew all that misery was going to end up being having such a great point, such a great higher purpose?

So once we got back together, it's been smooth-sailing and amazing and we had the easiest, most fun. I feel so lucky and grateful and blessed. I could screw it up tomorrow if I didn't use the skills that I know.

I put all my favorite skills in my e-books. I have one for singles and then one for women of any status. And I wouldn't be married if I hadn't learned all the stuff that I teach.

Orna: I love that and what a great opportunity to now share what this amazing offer that you put together just for us, just for the Love on Purpose Revolution. As you know if you've been listening night after night, we ask all of our experts to put together something special just for you, just for being part of the Revolution. And Carol, is no exception.

She has put together an amazing offer. She is offering her Cosmic Coupling combo. It's two e-books. That's right, two. I'm going to tell you what they are in a moment and a double CD set. That CD set is actually sent to you via mail. That's a hardcopy CD set, but the two e-books are downloadable.

You get "Love Is in the Stars: The Wise Woman's Astrological Guide to Men." You also get "Becoming the Woman Your Dream Man Wants” eBook. And the double CD set, this is amazing. You get "Soulmate Secrets: Essential Relationship Skills Happy Couples Use to Stay Close and Connected."

This is amazing whether you are in a relationship currently or you simply want to be in relationship. Carol, please tell us more about what's in this amazing offer.

Carol: Well, the eBook, I started out writing the book, because so many people had so many misunderstandings about astrology. It's all the ways astrology impacts your love life. There's a chapter on timing. There's a chapter on masculine and feminine energy

p.20


with that quiz that I mentioned. There's a whole chapter on forget your sun sign. It doesn't matter what sign you are, what sign they are, which is a huge shock to people.

Then there's a whole chapter on what I call astrologically afflicted partners: how to tell if somebody's too broken to be in a relationship. Or too immature, or not healthy enough? And what to do if you're already with that person? Or you already have kids with that person and you really can't get away from them and you don't want to. How to make the best of that.

So I put all my favorite, what I call "out of this world and real world insights" into my eBook and I'm so proud of it. All my favorite stories are in there, all my favorite things that save my booty everyday in my life are in my eBook.

Then I wrote a book called "Becoming the Woman your Dream Man Wants" and I'm sorry that my writing is niched for women. So if there's any men listening, all my stuff is translatable to men too, all the rules of relationship work for everyone. It's just ninety-nine percent of the people who have called me all these years are women. I think it's because men don't ask for directions.

Orna: Exactly.

Carol: It's that idea, but I love working with men. My work is totally man-friendly. They're just going to go crazy with the pronouns in my book, so they're just going to have to get over that. But if any men who are listening, it's good for you, too. But I wrote, "Becoming the Woman your Dream Man Wants," because all about how to go on a mission of love. It's all about the mistakes and the lack of effort that I see singles making and the efforts they should make. The effort I wish they would make that would dramatically change their results.

It's all how to go on a man hunt, how to go on a mission of love. And it's a ton of fun. I'm really happy with that book.

And then, Soulmate Secrets is all my favorite relationship tips, and it's the results of studies. It's my favorite results from marriage studies on why people stay together or not. It's all my favorite ways to communicate. It's the top ways to stop fighting. It's the top ways to ask someone for help.

It addresses all the ways to avoid the number one through ten most common challenges couples struggle with and really never have them again. There's a whole Q and A where I'm on a phone call with a bunch of women and they're asking me questions.

I swear, it was like I scripted them because they were the absolute, perfect questions and they felt the answers were really fun. It's just everything that is the reason my husband thought I was so different when we got back together.

Orna: Oh, that is just amazing. I'm going to tell everybody where they can get this incredible offer. Remember, two eBooks and the double CD set. Go to loveonpurposearevolution.com/carol and for only $97 for a limited time only. You get

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this huge, amazing package, right: the "Cosmic Coupling Combo," the two eBooks from Carol Allen, plus her double CD set "Soulmate Secrets: The Essential Relationship Skills Happy Couples Need to Stay Close and Connected."

You want it even if you're single, because it will teach you the skills. And then you get to practice them while you're dating, so that you can incorporate them as fully practiced when you come into relationships. That doesn't mean you stop utilizing them, but you get to practice them even before you're in a committed relationship. It's really great whether you're in a relationship or not.

Carol: They work with your friends, and they work with your family. And they work with people at work. They're the relationship skills that work with everyone. They will totally change your life.

Orna: Yeah, exactly. Let's face it. Relationships are the cornerstones of our lives. This package will help really transform your relationships from the stars to within. I'm grateful for you, Carol. It's amazing. I'm going to give the website one more time, loveonpurposearevolution.com/carol for only $97.00 just for limited time. You can only get this all packaged together this way at this price point only from us, only here at the love on purpose revolution.

Matthew: Carol, it's really been awesome talking to you. Thank you so much for coming on and joining us and sharing all your great wisdom.

Carol: Thank you so much. Oh my God! I'm so happy! Everything I've talked about, I have reports about, I have programs about. They can find all that fun stuff in my free newsletter at soulmatestars.com.

Thank you guys. This is awesome and it was totally an honor for me to be here and I just really want to tell everyone if you feel hopeless, it can change in a day. Just get out there. Smile and take all these great advice that Orna and Matthew are making available to you, because it really works.

[Outro music]

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