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BRINGING THE HOLOCAUST TO LIFE FOR A NEWGENERATIONThursday, November 10, 2011
LOST IN THE RANKS:CANADIAN VETERAN CAN'TGET COMPENSATION
REPORTED ONNovember 10, 2011
Josh Miller isn't his real name. The 26-year-old ex-corporal says he's under astandard two-year agreement not to speakto media upon leaving the CanadianForces. He's also worried any negativecomments could impact the medicalsettlements he's fighting to get from Veterans Affairs.
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Still, he wanted to talk.
Miller recently moved to Halifax with his girlfriend while she finishes school. Before that, he wasserving his country as an infantry member in Afghanistan. He's tall, broad-shouldered, and hasliterally been through a war. But all those experiences have left him a different person; strugglingto adjust to civilian life back home.
“I'm not the same person I used to be,” he says. “I used to be a very chilled, laid-back person.But now, it doesn't take anything to make me snap and make me irate.”
Miller was barely 20 when he joined the infantry, having wanted from a young age to becomethe “glorified soldier” image that he saw revered in the media. He was deployed to Afghanistanin late 2009, and returned the following May. The experience left its mark.
“If you surround yourself with guys that aren't necessarily the best people in the world, you'llsoon find yourself becoming one of them,” says Miller. “And I've always told myself I'm a goodperson, but I can see myself changing. I can see myself turning into an angrier person.”
His time in the Forces had put Miller's temper on a hairpin trigger. He would see himself becomeenraged with family and friends, and not recognize the person he was watching. The day hehanded in his voluntary release forms was the day Miller claims he “started becoming myselfagain.”
But even outside of the military, his training was hard to let go. He's constantly “hyper-vigilant.”An alertness that his him constantly scanning for dangers while out on the street, or gettinggroceries. Survival skills that were necessary in a war zone.
“It's the mentality that was given to me by training,” he says. “Speed and violence andvigilance.”
“You spend three years working up to something where you use these things, and you thinkeveryone's up to no good and you use these assets every day. And it gets cemented into whoyou are, and you can't let it go.
“I'm not psychotic,” he adds, “but I'm not who I used to be.”
He's not alone. Veterans Affairs puts the number of ex-military with post-traumatic stressdisorder at close to 13,000; up from just 2,000 before the war in Afghanistan started. TheCanadian Forces, meanwhile, state that only 5 percent of active personnel report symptoms ofPTSD or depression.
Now, after billions of dollars and a decade of combat, Canada's role in Afghanistan is endingand a generation of young Canadians will be facing many of the same struggles Miller is dealingwith today.
It's one of the reasons he's filing a psych claim with Veterans Affairs. He's also trying to getsettlements for the damage done to his knees and back while overseas. The process is slow-going.
"In order to get those services, you really have to do a lot of work," says the ex-soldier. "Here'sa book, here's a pamphlet, no one's there to sit down with you."
"It's quite complicated."
For Miller, the most frustrating ordeal has been trying to prove his injuries to his Veterans Affairscase-workers. He claims they've lost his file twice, and continually postponed reaching adecision. There's also the matter of documentation.
"You're not injured unless you have documentation," he says. "So I'm in the position where I'vebeen kicked out of the door with no health coverage, no nothing, not a thing. No benefits. Andthey're trying to tell me I need documentation of injuries. Well, how am I supposed to afford to gosee a specialist to prove my injuries?"
According to Miller, his ailments include a “fucked-up” lower back, knees in need ofreconstructive surgery, and the aforementioned psych claim.
"You can't do that," he says of his infantry experience. "You can't carry that much weight forthat much time and not have any problems."
Veterans Affairs' disability and health benefits for retired soldiers seem comprehensive—theyeven offer financial advice on how to handle large, lump sum awards. Applications from disabled
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vets eventually end up at head office in Charlottetown, where an independent adjudicatordecides on each case.
Miller ballparks that he could get out of the "limbo" he's in and reach a settlement with VeteransAffairs in less than a year. But that would be working on the claim full-time; day in, day out.Having to put that much effort into something he feels is owed to veterans just adds morefrustration to the ordeal.
"This should be a service provided by the Canadian government," he says. "They say they'rethere to help you, but you're really on your own."
While he waits for news on his claim, Miller spends the rest of his days fighting his other battle;finding a job. He's been looking for months online, through classifieds, even door to door. So far,nothing.
“I would say I'm more stressed now then I ever was in Afghanistan,” he says. “Life here...youdon't have to worry about bills in Afghanistan, you don't need to worry about getting paid.”
Miller says he's also struggling to accept that for all of the events he's been through, on paperhe has very little experience to offer an employer.
“I feel I've done so much, accomplished so much and I'm at a different level now,” he says. “AmI willing to work for minimum wage, even though I feel with what I've done I'm entitled to more?”
“That's the problem with self-entitlement. I have, I'm gonna say, zero skill sets that apply to thereal world. Everybody down this street has the same qualifications as me at this point. Allyou've got to do is finish high school.”
Ex-soldiers' career transitions is something the Canadian Forces have long-partnered withVeterans Affairs to administer. The two government bodies do workshops, and have careercounselling. But that's mainly for Forces members still serving who plan to start the releaseprocess, or veterans who were honourably discharged. There's also a two-year window fromone leaving the military that a soldier can apply for career help.
That's all a best case scenario to Miller.
“I made $57,000 a year as a corporal when I got out of the military,” he says. “I will never find ajob with my experience where I make $57,000 in Canada.”
There's no plans to move out of country anytime soon, though. He and his girlfriend have justbought a house outside of the peninsula. And he's been looking at university as well, though heremains unsure what area of study he'd wind up focusing on. But with seemingly no jobprospects, and no end in sight to his struggle with Veterans Affairs, Miller is beginning to accepta worst case scenario—returning to the Forces.
“You'll talk to me again in a year and I'll be right back where I was two years ago,” he says. “Itold myself I'd give it a try, and if I failed I'd go back. I'd put my tail between my legs and walkback into a place where I said I'd never wanted to be again.”
It seems in retrospect, even the dangers of combat can be just as stressful as the “real world.”
“The part of having to go to Afghanistan and worry about IEDs, gunfights; that's the least of myworries,” says Miller. “At least there, there's job security, you're getting a paycheque. At leastthere, I don't have to look for a job. I don't need to worry about my job. I had money. I wasn'thungry. I didn't need to rely on anyone else.”
“I was good at it,” he adds. “I was good at my job. I loved being a soldier.”
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