Life is like photography

Life is like photographyYou develop from the negatives. The outcomemay be positive!

1Module 1: Exploring ConflictWe think of conflict as negative, however, focusing on conflict resolution can bring about positive results.2We think of conflict as negative, however, focusing on conflict resolution can bring about positive results.

Do you have conflicts in your life?

Are some of these conflicts among your family?

Do you have conflicts in your workplace?

Do you have conflicts in your community?

As long as we are living, there will be conflicts!

*Discussion - What is your definition of conflict?

When confrontations or conflicts are handled correctly, both parties talk openly and honestly. Both are candid and respectful.

To come to a resolution means a solution is found. Two things can come from that:

Problems are resolved.Relationships benefit.

2What is Conflict?1. to come into collision or disagreement; be contradictory, at variance, or in opposition; clash: The account of one eyewitness conflicted with that of the other. My class conflicts with my going to the concert. 2. to fight or contend; do battle. 3. a fight, battle, or struggle, especially a prolonged struggle; strife. 4. controversy; quarrel: conflicts between parties. 5. discord of action, feeling, or effect; antagonism or opposition, as of interests or principles: a conflict of ideas. 6. a striking together; collision. 7. incompatibility or interference, as of one idea, desire, event, or activity with another: a conflict in the schedule.

3Read the definitions of conflict.

Is there anything you would add to these definitions?

Scenario: Your boss just committed you to a deadline you know you cant meet and not so subtly hinted he doesnt want to hear any complaints about it.

3Who do we have conflicts with?4Discuss who we have conflicts with . . .

Co-workers, family, countries, churches

List on board4Is there a cost involved with conflict?AvoidanceNegotiationThird-party mediationLegal ActionRobberyPhysical threatFighting between individualsFighting between groupsTerrorist activityWar5Is there a cost involved with conflict?

Yes!

Discuss the costs and think of other costs.5Conflict Video!

6Will there be any costs involved in this conflict?

Who wins? Who Loses?

When conflicts are approached in a competitive manner, both (or all) parties to the conflict try to get what they want. But because their desires are incompatible, they will not get all of what they want. For instance, perhaps two members of a work team are disagreeing about who should write up a report on the teams work. The report needs to include a written section and a detailed spreadsheet of a proposed budget. Neither of the co-workers feels they have enough time to write up the report, and each believes the other should be responsible for the project.

To continue with this example, imagine that one of the two team members appeals to the team leader, who then assigns the report to the other team member. This is a win-lose result. One of the people got what she wanted, the other did not.

Now think of a recent conflict experience you have had.

How did you handle the conflict?

Were you happy with the outcome.

Was the other party happy?

How did you decide what approach to take or did you just operate out of habit or instinct?6Does everyone win?Win WinLose LoseWin LoseLose Win

7In the example we read, one team member was assigned the chore of writing up a report and preparing a budget, while the other person got away with not having to do it. One person lost the conflict, and the other won, and the relationship between the two team members suffered. The one who lost will probably feel resentful and not do as well on the report as they are capable of. We can anticipate more conflict in the future, as well as continued difficulties as the team struggles to try to work together instead of competing to avoid work. Future arguments are likely, too, since team members busy with their own work will continue to try to avoid undesirable team assignments such as report-writing. The underlying causes of this conflict were not addressed by the win-lose solution.

Therefore it is good to work toward conflict resolution where each team member feels they have won something and where there are fewer long-term costs to the organization for which they work. Many times a win-win solution is possible, and we will be discussing strategies that will be more beneficial to all involved.

7Are there benefits from the outcome of a conflict?8Yes there could be.

Thinking of the Win-Lose situation we mentioned a moment ago, begin to think of the benefits and costs from the organizations perspective:

Make notes on page 3 of your manual.

*Discuss benefits and costs of the Win-Lose outcome.

8Personal ConflictsThink back over the last two weeks. What conflict situations did you encounter?

Page 5 in your book provides space for you to reflect on this activity.9Ask students to turn to page 5 in their books. Have them think back over the last two weeks and remember conflict situations.

Give about 10 minutes for this activity.

At completion, have students look back over the listed conflicts and rank them according to how important they were to them. Give the most important situation a number 1 ranking and so on.

*Discuss the conflicts

Some conflict can be constructive, rather than destructive.

Lets think of aspects of conflict that you see as destructive. For example Destroys relationships or Increases stress level.

Now think of aspect of conflict that you see as constructive.

Which is easier to discuss and why?

Are there any surprises?

How do you think most people at work feel about conflict?

DEBRIEF:It is important to see conflict as contributing to personal growth. Evaluating both destructive and constructive conflict can lead one to recognize the advantages of a win-win solution. It is significant that a win-win solution diminishes the destructive impact of conflict and offers a positive force for the organization as well as for the individual.9Personal ConflictsDetermine you satisfaction score

5 = Very happy with outcome4 = Moderately happy3 = Indifferent; in the middle2 = Moderately unhappy1 = Very unhappy with outcome

10The solution of any conflict may satisfy all parties, or only one side or the other. The result will determine your personal conflict satisfaction score. Look at the examples you wrote up a moment and rate the solution or possible solution according to this scale:

5 = Very happy with outcome4 = Moderately happy3 = Indifferent; in the middle2 = Moderately unhappy1 = Very unhappy with outcome10Conflict Outcomes Matrix11

If the conflict was a lose-lose, then your Satisfaction scores and their Satisfaction scores will be fairly low, and the average will be below 3.11What is Conflict Resolution?The process of ending a disagreement between two or more people in a constructive fashion for all parties involved.The methods and process of negotiation, which promote the peaceful ending of social conflict and war.Creative solutions to problems to help organizations move ahead and achieve their goals. Think of conflicts as opportunities to help your organization overcome limitations to growth and change.12What is Conflict Resolution?

The process of ending a disagreement between two or more people in a constructive fashion for all parties involved.The methods and process of negotiation, which promote the peaceful ending of social conflict and war.Creative solutions to problems to help organizations move ahead and achieve their goals. Think of conflicts as opportunities to help your organization overcome limitations to growth and change.

12Understanding the Conflict Resolution ProcessAcknowledge the conflictDetermine the best style of handling the conflictUse the best style for addressing the issueRaise your Conflict IQDevelop skills for Competition and Collaboration

13Understanding the Conflict Resolution Process

Acknowledge the conflictDetermine the best style of handling the conflictUse the best style for addressing the issueRaise you Conflict IQDevelop skills for Competition and Collaboration

13What is attitude?A settled way of thinking or feeling, typically reflected in a person's behavior.A position of the body proper to or implying an action or mental state: "the boy was standing in an attitude of despair".

1414What is attitude?

1515Let hear some comments on attitude . . .Zig Ziglar on Attitude1616Did attitude affect these famous people?17a famous person who was defeated seven times while running for political office?

2. a cartoonist who was told by the editor of the Kansas City newspaper, Its easy to see from these sketches that you have no talent.

Abraham Lincoln was defeated in eight different elections. Yet he persisted and succeeded in becoming the 16th, and one of the most respected, presidents of the United States. Walt Disney was told he had no talent and fired from a newspaper job. He wound up doing volunteer work for a church in an old run down garage. One day he decided to sketch one of the many mice that were running through the garage. This mouse became the famous Mickey Mouse. 17Did attitude affect these famous people?183. an author whose first childrens book was rejected by 23 different publishers?

4. a famous singer who was fired after his first performance at the Grand Ole Opry?

Twenty-three different publishers rejected Dr. Seusss first book, while the 24th accepted and sold 6 million copies of it. Elvis Presley was fired after his first performance at the Grand Ole Opry. The manager told him, You aint going nowhere, son. You ought to go back to driving a truck. He went on to become one of the most famous American singers of the 20th century. 18Did attitude affect these famous people?195. a famous actress who dropped out of high school and held a variety of odd jobs, including doing the hair and make-up for corpses, before finally succeeding in show business?

6. a famous author who lived on welfare for years in an apartment infested with mice?

Whoopi Goldberg dropped out of high school, was on welfare and worked as a bricklayer, bank teller, and licensed cosmetician. After graduating from Beauty College, she took a jobat a mortuary fixing the hair of and applying make-up to the corpses.J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series, lived on welfare for years, in an apartment infested with mice, and was rejected by 12 publishers before going on to fame and fortune.19Did attitude affect these famous people?207. a famous athlete who was cut from the varsity basketball team his sophomore year in high school?

Michael Jordan was the athlete who was cut from the varsity basketball team in his sophomore year of high school. Angry and embarrassed, he began to get up early each morning to practice with the junior varsity coach. Eventually he not only made the varsity team, but also became one of the most popular athletes in the world. Michael Jordan is quoted as saying, I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot, and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.20218. an inventor who was thrown out of school in the early grades because his teachers thought he couldnt learn?

9. a famous Harvard University drop out?

10. an inventor of a fried chicken recipe that was rejected by more than 1000 restaurant owners?

Thomas Edison was the inventor who was kicked out of school. Following this, he was homeschooled by his mother. It took him over 700 tries before he got the filament right for the light bulb. Edison is quoted as saying: I have not failed seven hundred times. I have not failed once. I have succeeded in proving that those seven hundred ways will not work. When I have eliminated the ways that will not work, I will find the way that will work.Mark Zuckerberg dropped out of Harvard University. He went onto become the youngest millionaire (at the age of 26) and is the CEO of Facebook. Harland David Sanders (better known as Colonel Sanders) had his fried chicken recipe rejected by more than 1,000 restaurant owners before it was accepted by one. Today, people still eat it at KFCs across the world.

21Conflict: How do you see it?Consider a few questions from the How do you see it handout. Take about 10 15 minutes to answer questions, giving thought to how you would typically react. We will discuss your answers and see how they compare to others in the class.22Is everyones perspective the same?

Did you learn anything by hearing another persons perspective.

Does discussing conflict like this make it less scary? In what ways?

Is conflict good or bad?

What are some ways in which conflict is detrimental to the team?

What are some ways in which conflict enriches the team?22Put a Positive Spin on Conflict!How does the definition of conflict affect the way we think about conflict?What are some negative consequences of conflict?What are some positive outcomes of conflict?List four potential positive outcomes of conflict in an organization.2323Recap to Module 1A conflict situation is any situation in which two or more ______ have differing ______ and the ability to _______ each others pursuit of those interests.Within organizations, there is often ______ as a result of the need for change.Your win-lose score is a measure of how well __ competed in pursuit of your own _______.A win-win score is a measure of how well ________collaborated to find and pursue ______ .

24PartiesinterestsaffectyouinterestsBoth partiesTheir interestsconflictA conflict situation is any situation in which two or more parties have differing interests and the ability to affect each others pursuit of those interests.Within organizations, there is often conflict as a result of the need for change.Your win-lose score is a measure of how well you competed in pursuit of your own interest. A win-win score is a measure of how well both parties collaborated to find and pursue their interests.

24Recap to Module 1A win-win score is defined as the _______ of both parties scores.On the Conflict Outcomes Matrix, the competitive Success Zone is reached when ______ satisfaction is high, and _______ satisfaction is low.On the Conflict Outcomes Matrix, the Joint Success Zone is only reached when both ______ satisfaction and ______ satisfaction is ______.In everyday experience, parties to conflict situations ________ achieve joint success because they do not approach conflict with sufficient skill and care. (a) often (b) rarely

25Averageyourtheirtheirhigh(b) rarelyyourA win-win score is defined as the average of both parties scores.On the Conflict Outcomes Matrix, the competitive Success Zone is reached when your satisfaction is high, and their satisfaction is low.On the Conflict Outcomes Matrix, the Joint Success Zone is only reached when both your satisfaction and their satisfaction is high.In everyday experience, parties to conflict situations rarely achieve joint success because they do not approach conflict with sufficient skill and care. (a) often (b) rarely

25Module 2: Understanding your style of response to conflictAvoidAccommodateCompromiseCompeteCollaboratePage 33 in leader book

26AvoidAccommodateCompromiseCompeteCollaborate

26Avoiding(I Lose, You Lose)Side-stepping or withdrawing from the conflict situation.

When you prevent/postpone conflict, it remains unresolved and neither party wins.27Avoiding(I Lose, You Lose)

Side-stepping or withdrawing from the conflict situation.

When you prevent/postpone conflict, it remains unresolved and neither party wins.

27Accommodating(I Lose, You Win)Putting aside your needs and desires and acquiescing to the other persons requests/demands.When a high value is placed on your relationship with the other party.When outcome is of low importance to you, but is of high importance to the other party.T228Accommodating(I Lose, You Win)

Putting aside your needs and desires and acquiescing to the other persons requests/demands.

When a high value is placed on your relationship with the other party.When outcome is of low importance to you, but is of high importance to the other party.

28Compromising(We Both Win, We Both Lose)Resolving the conflict quickly and efficiently by seeking a fair and equitable split between the two positions.

Each side concedes on some of their issues in order to win others. Both parties must be flexible and willing to settle for a satisfactory resolution of their major issue.29Compromising(We Both Win, We Both Lose)

Resolving the conflict quickly and efficiently by seeking a fair and equitable split between the two positions.

Each side concedes on some of their issues in order to win others. Both parties must be flexible and willing to settle for a satisfactory resolution of their major issue.29Competing(I Win, You Lose)Seeking to win your position at the expense of the other party losing theirs.

Appropriate when only one party can achieve their desired outcome.

Best used when outcome is extremely important and relationship is of low importance.30Competing(I Win, You Lose)

Seeking to win your position at the expense of the other party losing theirs.

Appropriate when only one party can achieve their desired outcome.

Best used when outcome is extremely important and relationship is of low importance.30Collaborating(I Win, You Win)Cooperating with the other party to try to resolve a common problem to a mutually satisfying outcome.

When you join with the other party to compete against the situation, instead of each other.

Each side must feel that the outcomes gained through collaboration are better than they could achieve on their own.31Collaborating(I Win, You Win)

Cooperating with the other party to try to resolve a common problem to a mutually satisfying outcome.

When you join with the other party to compete against the situation, instead of each other.

Each side must feel that the outcomes gained through collaboration are better than they could achieve on their own.

31Thinking about ResolutionWatch this student created video demonstrating the five styles of conflict response.3232How do you respond to conflict?33Use Conflict Close up Activity

I am conflict. Consider how you typically react when you experience a personal conflict. Position yourself, in relation to me, somewhere in the room in a way that conveys your initial response to a conflict. Pay attention to your body language as well as your distance from the conflict.33Thinking about ResolutionActivity:

Brainstorm words that will represent steps from conflict to resolution.

Write your words on the board

3434Assess Your Personal StyleUse the forms provided to discover more about your personal conflict response style

3535Discuss Personal StylesDo you think that other people will agree with your profile results? What style do you think the people you work with will say you are using most often?

36Often others perceptions differ from our own. The most common difference is that a small minority of people describe themselves as competitive, yet people tend to view their coworkers and (especially) supervisors as competitive. Many participants will be perceived as being more competitive than they naturally prefer to be.36Discuss Personal StylesIf it is different from your results on the assessment, why do you think this is?

37It might be because you feel pressured to handle conflicts in a certain way by the norms of the organization or the people you interact with. (Does the organization have an overall conflict style? What is it? Is it usually the best one, or should you try to select your own?

It might be because you find it difficult to implement the style you prefer. There is a skill component that comes into play, regardless of preference.

It might also be because you find it hard to communicate your intentions clearly. People rarely talk about the conflict resolution process or signal their behavioral intent in conflict. They get stuck focusing on the positions and outcomes, forgetting that talking through process and style can set them up for better outcomes.

Maybe people dont really know each other that well in the workplace. If you dont discuss personal style and preference or share information about your own feeling in a conflict, how can people possibly know much about each others conflict styles? Yet if they dont, then clashes of styles, and mistaken perceptions about style preferences can themselves become a source of conflict.

37Discuss Personal StylesHow varied is your approach to conflict? Do you switch easily from style to style?

38It is hard to switch styles, and most people are uncomfortable in at least some of the conflict styles (many people are in fact uncomfortable with all of the the styles, since conflicts are emotionally stressful).

People who practice conflict handling are better able to use the style and approach that works best in each situation. People become more flexible with study and practice.38Discuss Personal StylesDo you sometimes use more than one style in sequence? Why? Can you think of a good example of when that is appropriate?

39Some people are equally strong in Accommodate or Avoid and Compete. They are conflict-averse and so tend not to stick up for their interests at first. But if pushed repeatedly, they feel backed against the wall and will come out competing. They use a sequence of low-assertive style(s) followed by higher assertiveness, and this sequence can confuse others. They need to be clearer up front about what they are doing by saying what their interest is and then saying that they want to Accommodate or Avoid this time because they dont like to get into conflict. That way, the other party knows their situation and probably wont keep pushing. Or if they do, they will not be upset when the first party has to switch to a Compete style.

A healthy style sequence is to use Avoid when the time is not right for productive conflict handling. You might ask someone who seems upset or angry if it is okay to work on trying to help them feel better first, and worry about the hard side of the conflict, the outcome, or the problem later. Seek permission to Avoid and agree on a time, place, and process that is most likely to help them deal with their problem productively.39Discuss Personal StylesWhat happens when you are in conflict with someone whose style is very different from yours? Does this create stress or difficulty for you?

40People often struggle with differences in conflict style. One person might tend to be accommodating and expect the other person to reciprocate. But the other person is a Compete styles and will tend to be more assertive about interests and assume that the first person will ask if they needed something.

Another example: The Collaborate style digs deep into the underlying issues and problems, while the Avoid style tries to keep things clean and is uncomfortable going into the conflict to that much depth. Each might find it uncomfortable or confusing to work with the other because of the differing preferences.40Sum it all upWe will see a video demonstrating each of the five styles of conflict response in action.4141Module 3: Which Style Should You Use?AvoidAccommodateCompromiseCompeteCollaborate

4242Diagnosing the SituationThe answers depend on many factors but there are two questions that may be helpful here:

How important is my relationship with the other party?How important is the outcome to me?4343Case StudyImagine you are leading a team that is responsible for completing a project and producing a report by the end of next month. One of the team members has not drafted his part of the report, saying he is too busy with his other work and doesnt have the time. In the last team meeting, you gave him until todays meeting to catch up. But he didnt even come to the meeting. When you called him afterward. He questioned your authority and said he had too many problems with his other work to worry about your report right now. Yet you know that the report is important for the entire organization, not just his department, and you cant imagine what work he might have that could take precedence.

You are tempted to pull rank as the team leader and threaten him with a poor performance review unless he cooperates. Even though hes in another department, you know a bad review from his team leader could cause him problems later on. What will you as the team leader do next?4444How to determine the best style45Your scores on the Dealing With Conflict Instrument can give you a better understanding of your own conflict behavior, and will help you improve your performance by becoming more competent and confident in conflicts. The path to increased mastery of conflict situations is through self-awareness, and your scores help you become more aware of how you typically react in conflicts.

Approximately three-fourths of the people who take this test have one dominant style. However, it's possible to have a tie, or even a three-way tie, for your dominant style. People whose scores are distributed more evenly across multiple styles tend to be more flexible in their approach. This is beneficial, as it allows them to more easily adapt their style to the needs of the situation, rather than over-using one dominant style. Over time, as you acquire additional conflict-handling skills, your profile score will probably shift toward a more balanced distribution.

The styles in which you had the highest score will tend to dominate your behavior in conflicts. Regardless of your dominant style, there will be situations in which that style is the most appropriate for effective conflict resolution. Sometimes, however, another style would be more effective. By increasing your mastery of all five styles and enhancing your ability to assess conflict situations, you will be better able to effectively match the situation with the most productive conflict-handling style.

45Conflict Handling Styles46

The following is a description of each of the five conflict-handling styles, including some helpful tips for using each style effectively. You may want to review each of the styles in order of your relative use (from your primary style to your least used style). This may help you better understand your particular conflict-handling profile. The grid below helps to visualize the range of conflict-handling styles, and the characteristics of each.

46Accommodating(I Lose, You Win)Putting aside your needs and desires and agreeing to the other persons requests ordemands.Appropriate when a high value is placed on your relationship with the other party.Appropriate when outcome is of low importance to you, but is of high importance to the other party.T247When you accommodate, you put aside your needs and desires and acquiesce to the other person's requests or demands. This style is appropriate when you place a high value on your relationship with the other party. It is also appropriate when the outcome of the conflict is of low importance to you, but of high importance to the other party.

Tips: Don't be too quick to use the accommodating style. Refrain from using statements such as "It doesn't matter to me" or "Whatever you say." In order for both parties to feel good about the outcome, you should feel that you made a proactive decision to allow the other person's needs to be met. The other party should recognize that you have given up something of value in order to resolve the conflict. This will allow you to be viewed as cooperative, rather than weak. You will also have paved the way for requesting that the other party be as responsive to your needs in a future situation.

47Avoiding(I Lose, You Lose)Side-stepping or withdrawing from the conflict situation.

When you prevent/postpone conflict, it remains unresolved and neither party wins.48When you avoid conflict, you side-step or withdraw from the conflict situation. When you prevent or postpone the conflict, the conflict remains unresolved and neither party wins. By ignoring or postponing the conflict, you prevent either yourself or the other party from resolving the conflict. Sometimes conflicts resolve themselves when left alone. For instance, people who are angry may try to initiate arguments with you over silly things that they will not care about later on, when they are in control of their tempers. It is also wise to avoid any conflicts in which you think the other party is dangerous, either because he or she may escalate to destructive conflict, or because he or she is simply too powerful for you to negotiate with on a level playing field.

Tips: Avoidance is often the best initial response to conflicts when you are unprepared for them. Use it as a short-term strategy for buying time and figuring out how to handle the conflict. For example, ask to schedule a meeting to discuss the situation, and pick a time as far in the future as the other party will agree to. You will then have additional time to consider your approach to resolving the situation or have an improved position by then. If the other person has a deadline, your avoidance puts you in a better position over time. He or she is more likely to be reasonable and willing to collaborate or compromise when the deadline is at hand.

48Compromising(We Both Win, We Both Lose)Resolving the conflict quickly and efficiently by seeking a fair and equitable split between the two positions.

Each side concedes on some of their issues in order to win others. Both parties must be flexible and willing to settle for a satisfactory resolution of their major issue.49In the compromise style, you resolve the conflict quickly and efficiently by seeking a fair and equitable split between your positions. When you compromise, each side concedes some of their issues in order to win others. The key to effective compromise is that both parties are flexible and willing to settle for a satisfactory resolution of their major issue. The compromise style is most appropriate when the outcome is of low to medium importance, and relationship is of high to medium importance. Compromise is most useful when you look to bring a conflict to quick closure.

Tips: True compromising involves honesty and reasonableness. Stating an exaggerated opening position, in order to retain as much "bargaining room" as possible, may be viewed as a challenge to the other party to do the same. This will cause both parties to distrust the real motivation of the other, and the resolution process will quickly change to a competing style. The compromise style works best when there is a degree of trust between both parties and/or the facts of the real needs of both parties are mutually understood.

49Competing(I Win, You Lose)Seeking to win your position at the expense of the other party losing theirs.

Appropriate when only one party can achieve their desired outcome.

Best used when outcome is extremely important and relationship is of low importance.50When you compete, you seek to win your position at the expense of the other party losing theirs. Competing is the appropriate style when only one party can achieve their desired outcome. It is best used when the outcome is extremely important, and relationship is of relatively low importance. Many different situations require that the competing style be used in order to be resolved effectively. In situations where there can be only one "winner," or when making a quick decision is crucial, are appropriate for the competing style. For example, if two car salespeople were "competing" for your business, compromising would not be an acceptable resolution, purchasing half a car from each of them. Similarly, it would not be appropriate (or ethical) for our favorite sport steam to "accommodate" the opposing team and allow them to win. Emergency situations that require split second decision-making are often appropriate for a competing response.

Tips: By definition, the competing style is not negative, and has many appropriate uses. It can, however, have a detrimental effect when it is overused-adopting a "winning at all costs" strategy regardless of the appropriateness of the situation. The competing style takes time and energy. It is, therefore, advisable that you "pick the right battles" and believe that the outcome justifies the investment of your time and energy.

50Collaborating(I Win, You Win)Cooperating with the other party to try to resolve a common problem to a mutually satisfying outcome.

When you join with the other party to compete against the situation, instead of each other.

Each side must feel that the outcomes gained through collaboration are better than they could achieve on their own.51When you collaborate, you cooperate with the other party to try to resolve a common problem to a mutually satisfying outcome. You join with the other party to compete against the situation instead of each other. Each side must feel that the outcomes gained through collaboration are more favorable than the outcome they could achieve on their own. Collaboration requires a trusting relationship with the other party; it requires a situation in which creative problem-solving will indeed benefit both parties, and it requires a high level of communication and problem-solving skills. Using the collaborative style requires the highest investment of time and energy of any of the conflict-handling styles. It should be used when both the outcome and the relationship are of high importance to both parties. It should not be used when a quick resolution is necessary, because the process of true collaboration usually takes time. Pressure to come to a decision will cause frustration to both parties, and often force them to use a less appropriate style. Collaboration is the most satisfying style because each party feels that they have achieved their desired outcome, and the relationship is unaffected or improved. This style takes work, but it is worth the investment in creating long-term satisfaction and building successful relationships.Tips: In a genuine collaboration, each party starts by trading information instead of concessions. Each side must offer insight into their situation-what their concerns and constraints are. The collaborative process requires keeping an open mind, temporarily setting aside our own priorities, and considering many different approaches.Although it is tempting to think that the positive outcomes of successful collaboration make it the best choice for all conflicts, there is a danger in the overuse of this style. Certain situations require expedient solutions: where to go for lunch, what brand of paper to use in the office copier, etc. People who seek to collaborate on all situations may be wasting time and avoiding taking responsibility for their actions. Also, using the collaborative approach in all situations may create false expectations about people's ability to have input on all decision making.

51Soooo . . . Which Styleto Use?An assessment tool has been designed to help you determine the optimal conflict resolution style to adopt in a given situation. Its underlying premise is that different conflict resolution strategies are indicated in different situations. Apply this tool to a real-life conflict, past, present, or future, to see how it works.

5252Practice Using the ToolTake a few moments to think of a current or past conflict and apply the assessment tool to that situation. Consider the results.

Consider case studies in book5353Module 4: How to Raise Conflict IQConflict IQ is the term we use to describe intelligence in the handling of conflicts, and it is the most important objective of the training applications of the Dealing with Conflict instrument. The instrument and the supporting content will help you boost your Conflict IQ.5454Boost your Conflict IQ by:Becoming more aware of your own conflict behavior and that of othersIncreasing your awareness of alternatives and optionsIntroducing a planned approach for selecting the best style in each conflict.Providing reference material to help you use each style more effectivelyTeaching a planned approach for understanding and managing the other partys styleEncouraging and supporting efforts to shift to more collaborative and creative conflict handling stylesIntroducing troubleshooting techniques and processes for creating more collaboration5555Conflict IQ56

56CreativityTake a creative approach to conflicts. Look for alternatives and innovative solutions to problems. Probe to find out what the underlying issues and constraints are.5757Communication SkillsWorking toward good communication with other people during a conflict. Know what to do and say in tense social situations and become a good listener.5858Emotional DetachmentKeep a clear head when others are excited, angry, or upset. Dont let your emotions get in the way. Dont lose your temper. Become an active thinker.5959ExtroversionBecome comfortable and confident when interacting with other people. Dont be afraid to express yourself and take a genuine interest in other peoples situations.6060Peace-making SkillsWork to reduce the level of conflict between people. Defuse anger by apologizing and showing concern. Help people cool off when they get angry.6161IndependenceBe assertive and self-assured in conflict situations. Take a leadership role and dont be persuaded by others ideas unless they really make sense. Dont worry too much about what others think of you.6262PlanningFocus on objectives and how to achieve them, rather than getting caught up in short term aspects of conflicts. 6363KnowledgeBecome knowledgeable about conflict-handling styles and methods. Be aware of your own style tendencies. Analyze the situation to identify the optimal style and approach.6464Measuring Your Conflict IQ6565Module 5: Advanced Techniques for Handling ConflictTrust BuildingListeningAnger ManagementCreativity

6666Trust BuildingTrust is essential to dealing with conflict with a Collaborate style.There are two types of trust:Rule-Keeping Trust: Trusting someone to act in a predictable mannerCaregiving Trust: Trusting someone to look out for your interests6767Assessing Trustworthiness68Use assessment on page 29 student book

68Listening Strategies69Page 34-35 in student book69Anger Management70Page 37 student book

70Creativity71Page 41 in student book

71Thank you!72Page 41 in student book

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