KNOTS

There is something I don’t knowthat I am supposed to know.I don’t know what it is I don’t know,and yet am supposed to know,and I feel I look stupidif I seem not to knowand not to know what it is I don’t know.Therefore I pretend I know it.This is nerve wrackingsince I don’t know what I must pretend to know.Therefore I pretend to know everything.

I feel you know what I am supposed to knowbut you can’t tell me what it isbecause you don’t know that I don’t know what it is.

You may know what I don’t know, but notthat I don’t know it,and I can’t tell you. So you will have to tell me everything.

R D Laing

CHAPTER ONEI walk down the street,

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I fall in.

I am lost . . . I am helplessIt isn’t my fault

It takes forever to find a way out.

CHAPTER TWOI walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I pretend I do not see it.

I fall in again.I can’t believe I am in this same place.

But it isn’t my fault.It still takes a long time to get out.

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

CHAPTER THREEI walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.I fall in . . .it is a habit . . but

My eyes are open.I know where I am.

It is my fault.I get out immediately.

CHAPTER FOURI walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

CHAPTER FIVEI walk down a different street.

1993 Portia NelsonFrom There’s a Hole in the Sidewalk

Beyond words Publishing, Inc

FORMINGentering the space / working out how to act

Concerns and actions - reserved, needing to be led, wanting direction, expecting to be told

FORMING

Facilitator as Leader • Regardless of how we facilitate

– participants enter the learning space ASSUMING that we know and they don’t

• Confusion and disappointment emerges if this is not how we operate– They are being disturbed from a state of comfortable

dependence • Psychological dependence is neither good nor

bad in itself– However - excessive dependence places a serious

[and unnecessary] burden on the leader

Wilfred BionThe two groups present when we meet

·TASK group

·Focus on work

·Agendas

·Discuss tasks

·‘Rational’ decision making

·Goal (outcome) oriented

·BASIC ASSUMPTION Group

·Trust

·Expectations

·Concerns

·Leader as the ‘goal’

·Feelings

Three Basic Assumption States

• Dependency Group – Members do what they are told with a sense of

comfort even complacency • Fight/Flight

– When there is no recognized leader, fear emerges. Members enact this fear by

– fighting for control of the group or leaving (flight)• Pairing

– The development of the group is frozen by a hope of being rescued by two members who will pair off and somehow create an unborn leader

“Black Hole” events• For me –

– The trigger is usually a point in a workshop/program where I am working with material I am passionate about

– I am ‘in full flight’ – engaged, excited, wishing to convey my enthusiasm

– Someone begins to ask about matters of ‘fact’ which appear to me as a ‘challenge’

– I respond– They respond– And we being ‘disappearing’ into a debate that holds

everyone’s attention and loses purpose and focus