Judith Ivory - The PROPOSITION.pdf

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    Contents:

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    Epilogue

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    M yluve i s l ik e a r ed , r ed r os e

    R ob er t B ur ns , S ta nz a 1 o f " A Re d, R ed Ro se "

    Johnson'sMusicalMuseum, 1796

    C ha pt e r 1

    ^

    T he m os t hi gh bo rn l ad y M ic k h ad e ve r b ee n w it h th e w if e o f a s it ti ng m em be r o f t he H ou se o f L or ds ,

    a s i t t ur ne d out t ol d hi m t ha t t he Fr enc h ha d a na me f or wha t sh e f el t f or hi m, a na me t ha t put wor ds t o

    her wanting his "lionhearted virility"he liked the phrase and remembered it.

    " 'A y earn in g f or t he m ud ,' " s he t ol d h im . " Th at 's w hat t he F rench cal l i t. "

    M ud . H e h ad n' t m uc h l ik ed t he c om pa ri so n. S ti ll , f ro m t he m om en t h e h ea rd i t, h e h ad n' t d ou bt ed t he

    phrase's clear sight or wisdom. Posh ladies who took a fancy to him had to make some sort of excuse to

    thems elves, a nd this wa s as good as any. He was a novelty a t best . At wors t, a bit of mud to pl ay in for l ad ies w ho se l iv es 'd b een s cru bb ed clean o f g oo d, ear t hy f un .

    H e l ay n ow o n t he f lo or , d ir ti er t ha n u su al , t ru th b e t ol d, h is p al ms a nd b el ly f la t t o t he f lo or bo ar ds o f a

    d re ss s ho p i n K en si ng to n. T hr ee s il ky l ad ie s s to od o ve r h im t he y s to od v er y f ar o ve r h im , o ne o n a

    c ha ir s ea t, o ne on a c oun te rt op , a nd on e on t he l as t i nc h o r s o l ef t of a s he lf t ake n u p mos tl y by bol ts o f

    f ab ri c. T hese t hr ee w at ch ed h im , b reat hl es s, w hi le M ick, h is ear t ur ned t o t he f lo or , l is tened.

    H e w as a bi g m an he t ook up a l on g l en gt h o f f loo r. He ha d wi de s hou lde rs , a ha rd, m us cul ar c he st ,

    l on g, w ei gh ty l im bs . H an ds om el y m ad e, h e d id n' t d ou bt i t. V ig or ou s. F iv e m in ut es ago , h e' d b een o ut

    back, using this very fact to flirt with the seamstress's assistant. He'd made her laugh, his first triumph, and

    h ad j us t s te pp ed a l it tl e c lo se r, w he n t he s ea ms tr es s a nd h er c us to me r i ns id e t he s ho p h ad b eg un

    s cr eami ng , " Mo us e! M ou se!" T he o nl y m an n earb y, h e' d b een p ress ed i nt o s er vi ce.

    N ow , w he n s ca re d, m ic e h ad a n as ty h ab it . T he y' d r un u p a ny th in g, i nc lu di ng a p er so n' s l eg . T he

    n ig ht ma re f or a l ad y w as t ha t a m ou se 'd s ca mp er i nt o t he u nd er st ru ct ur e o f h er d re ss h er p et ti co at s,

    d ress -i mp ro vers , and h al f- ho op s wh er e i t cou ld r un aro un d i nd ef in it el y i n a m aze o f h or sehair and s teel

    wires.

    Ho pi ng t o a vo id a m ou se c ir cu s i ns id e t he ir d re ss es , t he s ea ms tr es s, a p at ro n, a nd n ow h er a ss is ta nt h ad

    cli mb ed as h ig h as t hey cou ld i n t he r oo m, p ress in g t heir d ress es t o t hems el ves, f ri gh tened o ut o f t heir

    w it s. M ic k c ou ld 'v e t ol d t he m i t w ou ld n' t d o t he m n o g oo d. M ic e c ou ld g et o nt o t ab le s a nd c ha ir s e as y.B ut h e d id n' t m en ti on i t. H e d id n' t w an t t o f ri gh ten t hem m or e.

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    H e l ay q ui et , s ca nn in g t he f lo or bo ar ds , p al ms f la t, e lb ow s u p, t oe s c ur le d t o s up po rt s om e o f h is w ei gh t,

    r eady t o s pri ng up i f a mous e ca me i nt o s ight . The n he s pi ed i t, a nd it wa s s ort of a l etdown. A li tt le t hi ng,

    i t w as mo re s ca re d t ha n t he l ad ie s, s ha ki ng ove r i n a c or ne r a t th e ba se of a s ew ing m ac hi ne i n t he

    s ha dow o f a pr es s- ir on. Ba re ly mo re t ha n a b aby . H e c oul d c at ch i t i n hi s h an d. T he re w er e n o ot he rs ,

    n o n oi se u nd er t he f lo or , n o act iv it y.

    " Is t he re a n es t? " w hi sp er ed t he s ea ms tr es s, h er v oi ce h us he d w it h w or ry . " Ar e t he re m or e? "

    N ow , r ig ht h er e, M ic k s ho ul d' ve s ai d n o a nd s to od u p. B ut h e d id n' t. H e g ot d is tr ac te d.

    He t ur ne d hi s he ad t o us e t he o the r e ar , t o l is te n a ga in a nd ma ke s ur e. An d t he re , t hr oug h a do or wa y

    i nt o a ba ck r oo m, u nde r a pa in te d s cr ee n, i n a m ir ro r he s aw a p ai r of l eg s, a s ec ond c us tom er . T he re

    w er e f ou r w om en , n ot t hr ee . T hi s o ne 'd b ee n t ry in g o n d re ss es , h e g ue ss ed , w he n t he c om mo ti on b ro ke

    ou t. S he w as t ra ppe d i n t he dr es si ng r oo m. I n t he mi rr or h e c ou ld s ee s he 'd l ea pe d o n t op o f s om et hi ng,

    m ay be a t ru nk . A ny wa y, w it h h is p os it io n, h er h av in g m ov ed u p a nd o ut o f t he p ro te ct io n o f t he s cr ee n,

    a nd wh at w it h t he a ng le o f t he m ir ro r, h e w as l oo ki ng r igh t a t a pa ir o f d evi li sh l ong l egs . B lo od y

    gorgeous, they were.

    H e l ay t he re , c au ght i n h is o wn a dm ir at io n. S he w as o n h er t oe s, d an ci ng a l it tl e, n er vou s, t he l on g

    m us cl es o f h er l eg s f lexi ng b en eath p in k s to ck in gs w it h a h ol e at t he k nee. L on g. H el l,long w as n' t t he

    w or d f or t he se l egs . T he y we nt f or y ar ds a nd ya rd s sh e ha d t o b e a t al l o ne , t hi s o ne . A nd

    s hapely h er l eg s w er e p oetr y. B al an ce, m us cl e, m ot io n. T hey g av e n ew m eani ng t ofine.

    N ow , n or ma ll y, M ic k w as a p ol it e m an . H e w ou ld 'v e p ro te ct ed a w om an c au gh t o ff g ua rd b y t ur ni ng h is

    h ea d. O r a t l ea st h e t ho ug ht m ay be h e w ou ld 'v e. B ut t he se w er e t he d am ne de st l eg s. " Sh -h -h ," h e s ai d i n

    a ns we r t o t he s ea ms tr es s' s f ea rs .

    I n u ni so n, t he l ad ie s a bo ve h im d re w i n t he ir b re at hs , t ryi ng t o c al m t he ms el ve s, t o a ll ow hi m t o h ea r a nys ki tt er in g o r chewi ng o r o th er n as ty m ou se s ou nd s. O ne o f t hem m ur mu red, " Th is i s s o h er oi c o f y ou ,

    M r. " She w as a sk ing f or a na me .

    "Tremore. Sh-h-h."

    Oh , ye s, h er oi c. T he he ro l ay o n hi s b el ly , g et ti ng hi s e ye s a s l ow a s he c oul d s o a s t o s ta re a cr os s t he

    f lo or i nt o a m ir ro r a t t he p re tt ie st l eg s h e' d y et s ee n i n t hi rt y y ea rs o f l iv in g. I f h e' d b ee n s ta nd in g u p,

    h e' d' ve s ee n t o m ay be j us t a bo ve t he a nk le s th e s cr ee n i n f ro nt o f h er c am e w it hi n a f oo t o f t he g ro un d.

    T ha t a lo ne w ou ld 'v e b ee n a n e ye fu l, s in ce h er a nk le s w er e n ar ro w, h er f oo t p re tt y w it h a h ig h a rc h a nd

    i ns tep, t he ank lebo ne s ho wi ng again st t he s of t l eath er o f h er s ho e.

    B ut w he n h e g ot h is h ea d j us t r ig ht , h e c ou ld s ee i n t he m ir ror : f ro m t he t oe s o f h ig h- bu tt on ed s ho es u p

    l on g, n eat s hi ns , p lent y o f cur vy cal f, p as t t he k nee r ib bo ns o f s il k k ni ck er s t o h al fw ay u p w il lo wy t hi gh s

    t hat w en t f or ev er . D ream l eg s.

    I n h is d re am s, M ic k did s ee l egs l ik e t he se . He l ove d l ong l egs on a woma n. I n hi s s le ep he got t o put hi s

    mo ut h on t he m. I t t ook a d re am- et er ni ty t o ge t hi s t ongu e f rom t he ba ck of t he kne e, up t he t hi gh , t o t he

    i nd en tati on u nd er t he b ut to ck s. S tr on g l eg s. I n h is d ream s t hey g ri pp ed h im w it h ath leti c u rg en cy . T hey

    could squeeze him till he was nearly unconscious with lust.

    " Mr . T re mo re , M r. T re mo re !" o ne o f t he l ad ie s b eh in d h im c al le d. " Ov er h er e! I t' s h er e. "

    N o, i t w as n' t. T he l ad ies w er e j um py , i magi ni ng m ice every wh er e. T hey b eg an t o m ak e n oi se, t hi nk in g

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    the mouse active again. Little shrieks, ladylike huffs, nervous giggles as they shifted around on their

    perches.

    M ick h el d u p h is f in ger. " Sh -h -h ," h e s ai d again .

    He ha te d t o ge t up and t ake ca re of a mous e, when the re wer e l egs like the se to look a t. Le gs and

    k ni ck er s, a b le ss ed s ig ht i f e ve r t he re w as o ne . A bo ve h im o n t he c ou nt er , t ho ug h, t he s ea ms tr es s w asg ul pi ng a ir s o h ar d t ha t, i f h e d id n' t d o s om et hi ng , s he w as g oi ng t o l os e h er t ea b is cu it s.

    S of tl y, M ic k s ai d, " Wa it . I s ee h im . D on 't m ov e. "

    M ou se t im e. H e s ho ve d a ga in st t he f lo or , p us hi ng u p, g et ti ng a k ne e a nd t oe u nd er h im , a nd s pr an g,

    qui ck a nd qu ie t. He we nt a ft er t he m ous e f rom t he s ide of t he pr es si ng i ron, s o whe n he s coo te d t he i ron

    a f ra ct io n, t he m ou se f le d f or wa rd . W it h a s id ew ay s l un ge , M ic k s na pp ed h im u p b y t he t ai l, t he n,

    straightening, dangled a mouse in front of him, out for inspection.

    T he s eams tr es s s hr ieked. H e t ho ug ht s he w as g oi ng t o f ai nt . " Easy ," h e s ai d.

    Th e cus to mer, n eares t h im , cli mb ed d ow n b ravely f ro m h er chair . " O- o- oh ," s he b reat hed.

    As t he y a ll c la mbe re d d ow n, h e s to od a h ea d or m or e t al le r t ha n a ny of t he m. H e l ook ed do wn on t hr ee

    w om en wh o t it te re d a nd ma de a f us s no w t ha t t he d an ge r wa s pa st . M ic k wa s " so br ave ." H e w as " so

    agi le." " Li on hear ted, " o ne o f t hem s ai d, and h e l au gh ed . T hen: " Wi th s uch a d eep, r ich l au gh ."

    H e t ur ne d. N ow , e ve n w he n c ov er ed i n f lo or g ri t, M ic k w as f ai rl y u se d t o s en di ng a s ti r t hr ou gh t he

    l ad ie s. The y oun ge r on es we re g ene ra ll y a t a l os s, b ut t he ol de r on es he ha d t o wa tc h out f or .

    The c us tome r who l ike d hi s la ugh c ame ri ght up t o hi m, looki ng a t t he mous e. S he wa s de cke d out i n al ot o f v el ve t a nd be ads , he r t hi n f ac e s or t o f l os t un de r a bi g h at de cor at ed wi th a l ar ge f ea the r a nd a

    stuffed bird.

    S he s tr et ch ed h er a rm o ut t ow ar d h im , h er g lo ve d h an d d ro pp ed a t t he w ri st . " La dy W hi tt in g, " s he s ai d.

    "The Baroness of Whitting."

    He s ta re d a t he r ha nd. Sh e e xpe ct ed hi m t o ki ss i t, he g ue ss ed, bu t he d idn 't d o t ha t s or t o f t hi ng , e ve n

    w he n h e w as n' t h ol di ng a m ou se . " Ni ce t o m ee t y ou ." H e t ur ne d a ro un d. " Ne ll ?" H e l oo ke d f or t he

    seamstress's assistant. "You got something to put this fellow into?"

    T he b ar on es s w al ked aro un d h im t o p ut h er self i n h is w ay again . L ow er in g h er h an d, f ol di ng i t i nt o h er

    o th er , s he e ye d h im t he n s mi le d. " Th at w as q ui te a f ea t, s ir . T he w ay y ou l ea pe d a nd c ap tu re d t ha t

    mouse. Quite impressive."

    M ick g lanced at h er , k no wi ng s he w as n' t i mp ress ed w it h m ice o r h er oi sm o r any th in g v er y n ob le.

    Sh e s ai d, " Yo u s ho ul d h av e a p ri ze . A h er o' s p ri ze ."

    H e s topp ed. He w as a wor ki ngm an w it h a l ot of f ami ly b ac k ho me w ho c ount ed o n hi m, s o a p ri ze

    interested him, especially a monetary one.

    T he w ay h er s mi le s or t o f s of tened w hen s he g ot h is att en ti on , t ho ug h, t ol d h im t hey w er en 't t al ki ng abo ut

    money.

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    " I d on 't n ee d n ot hi ng , d uc k, " h e s ai d. " My p le as ur e t o h el p y ou ."

    T he o th er l ad ies w er e w at chi ng , k eepi ng t heir d is tance. M ick t ur ned away f ro m t he b ar on es s,

    r em em be ri ng hi s c oa t on t he f lo or . A s he be nt t o g et i t, he h appe ne d t o gl anc e i nt o t he ba ck r oom . H e

    c au gh t a g li mp se of a d re ss f lo at in g i nt o t he a ir . P ur pl e. T he m os t b ea ut if ul s ha de o f p ur pl e. T he d ar k

    color of lavender in August. Behind the screen, narrow sleeves raised overhead, long fingers wigglingt he ir w ay ou t, up a nd i nt o t he o pe n. The dr es s s hu she d l oud e no ugh t ha t he he ar d i ts r us tl e a s i t dr oppe d

    d ow n, end in g all h op e o f ever s eein g again t he f in es t l eg s h e cou ld i magi ne.

    H e s tr ai gh tened u p, g en tl y d us ti ng h is coat, t hen p us hed b ack h is h ai r hi s h an d cam e away w it h s oo t.

    H e f ro wn ed d ow n a t h is d ir ty p al m. O h, l ov el y, he t ho ug ht , j us t l ove ly . T hi s m us t h ave h ap pe ne d w he n h e

    l oo ke d u p t he f lu e f or t he m ou se .

    T he b ar on es s c on ti nu ed , " So w ha t i s t he p ay me nt d ue a h er o? "

    " A j ar f or t he m ou se w oul d be n ic e. " He l oo ke d p as t he r t o t he s ea ms tr es s.

    A s i f s he w as n' t l is te ni ng, a s i f i t ha d b ee n h er p la n a ll a lon g, t he s ea ms tr es s q ui ckl y r ea ch ed u nd er t he

    c ou nt er a nd h an de d h im a b ut to n t in , e mp ty . H e u ns cr ew ed t he l id .

    " Ho w a bo ut t he se ?" t he b ar on es s s ai d. B es id e h im , s he t ap pe d h er g lo ve d f in ge r o n t op o f a g la ss c as e.

    A s of t, d ul l cli ck .

    M ic k d ro ppe d t he m ous e i nt o t he t in a s h e gl anc ed o ve r a t wh at s he p oi nt ed t o. Th e c as e he ld a l ot o f

    i nt im at e f em in in e t hi ng s. K ni ck er s and s to ck in gs and g ar ters . H e p au sed, s tari ng at w hat w as i ns id e t he

    cas e m or e f ro m cur io si ty t han any th in g els e. T here w er e s om e p rett y t hi ng s o n t he g lass s helv es . A mazi ng

    t hi ng s. L acy, t hi n, f em in in e. N ot a s peck o f i t p ract ical .

    T he b ar one ss di dn 't a sk s o m uc h a s s he c om ma nde d, " Mi ss ?" S he s po ke t o t he s ea ms tr es s, a w om an a t

    l ea st t en y ea rs ol de r t ha n he r. " Ca n w e pl ea se s ee t he se ?"

    Th e s ea ms tr es s b ro ug ht o ut a p ai r o f d ar k p in k g ar te rs r uf fl ed w it h l ac e, h ea pe d w it h b ow s, a nd

    we ight ed dow n wi th a lo t of pe ar ls t he s iz e of t om at o pi ps . " The se w ould ma ke a ni ce pr iz e f or a he ro,"

    s ai d t he b ar on es s, t ur ni ng t o d an gl e o ne o ff h er f in ger.

    T he g ar te r w as o ne o f g au di es t t hi ng s h e' d e ve r s et e ye s o n. S he t ho ug ht t he y' d a pp ea l t o h im t ho ug h,

    w hi ch s ai d w ha t s he t ho ugh t of h is t as te .

    When he didn't immediately light up at the sight, she explained, "They're expensive."

    So m ayb e i t w as he r t as te t ha t w as on t he f la sh y s ide , he t houg ht . H e s hr ugge d. H e poi nt ed t o g ar te rs

    s ti ll i n t he c as e t ha t s at ne xt t o w he re t he o the rs ha d b ee n. " The se b e n ic er ." I t w as mor e a m at te r of

    t ry in g t o s tr ai gh te n h er o ut t ha n a ny th in g e ls e. H e p oi nt ed t o w hi te o ne s, t he c ol or o f c re am . N ar ro we r.

    S at in , w it h o ne cream y- pi nk f lo wer o n each, t wo t in y l eaves t he col or o f m os s. N ot hi ng m or e. S im pl e.

    Elegant.

    She r ai se d o ne e ye br ow . A t f ir st he t houg ht i t wa s h is t as te t ha t s tr uc k he r. Bu t n o, i t w as hi s a cc ent . Sh e

    said, "What an amusing way you have of pronouncing things."

    H is s ou nd c am e f ro m a c ou nt ry d ia le ct . H e c ou ld a ct ua ll y s pe ak a l it tl e C or ni sh , a l os t l an gu age .

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    T he b ar on es s s mi le d a t t he t al l, h an ds om e m ud s he w as k ee n t o w el te r i n. " Th es e t he n, " s he s ai d. S he

    i nd ic at ed t he g ar te rs h e' d c ho se n. T he s ea ms tr es s h an de d t he m t o h er .

    O n t he e nd o f h er c ro ok ed , g lo ve d f in ge r, t he b ar on es s o ff er ed M ic k a p re tt ie r g ar te r. " He re ," s he s ai d.

    " Yo u t ak e t hi s o ne. I 'l l t ak e t he o th er . T hen w e' ll m eet s om ew here" her eyes l it " an d u ni te t hem. "

    H e l au gh ed . T he r ic h g ot u p t o t he d am ne de st g am es .

    G am es h e' d p la ye d m or e t ha n o nc e. H e t ho ug ht a bo ut t hi s n ew o ff er . T he b ar on es s h er e w as o n t he

    pretty side. Making a rich lady happy had its moments. He couldn't complain that it'd ever been terrible.

    M ic k s tr ok ed h is m us ta ch e a m om en t. I t w as s of t a nd s le ek , h is m us ta ch e. T hi ck , d ar k, h is p ri de . H is

    " li on hear ted v ir il it y" o n d is pl ay . H is t hu mb t o h is cheek bo ne, arm s acr os s h is chest , h e d ragg ed h is f in ger

    d ow n t he m us tach e t il l t he i ns id e o f h is k nu ck le r es ted i n t he i nd en tati on o f l ip s. T here, h e t ho ug ht . T he

    g es tu re d id s om et hi ng t o h is he ad . I t m ad e h is m in d c le ar .

    Against his finger, he murmured, "A yearning for mud."

    "W ha t? " T he b ar on es s i n t he b ir d h at g ot a p uz zl ed l oo k.

    H e t oo k h is f in ger away, s tr ai gh teni ng . " It b e f ro m F rench, " h e s ai d.

    N ow h e' d r ea ll y c on fu se d h er . A c ou nt ry m an l ik e h im w as n' t s up po se d t o k no w b eg ga r- al l a bo ut

    F re nc h. He s hr ug ge d, t ry in g t o m ake l it tl e o f i t. " Wh at i t m ea ns i s, I gu es s n ot , l ov e. "

    H e s te pp ed a wa y, s li pp in g h is a rm s i nt o h is c oa t, t hi nki ng t ha t w as t he e nd o f i t. H e s mo ot he d h is h an d

    d ow n t he f ro nt o f h im and abs en tl y w ei gh ed h is p ocket, check in g i ts con tent s. G oo d, s ti ll t here.

    " Ah ," t he b ar on es s s ai d. S he add ed i n a cyn ical t on e, " Ho w u nu su al . A f ai th fu l m an ."

    Faithful to himself.

    S he con ti nu ed , " So t here's a l ucky l ad y els ew here?"

    He l et h er t hi nk s o.

    S he l ig ht ly h it h is s ho ul der, a r ap w it h h er f ol ded f an , t hen l au gh ed . " Ad d t hem t o m y b il l, w il l y ou , m is s?A p ai r of ga rt er s f or our h er o he re to gi ve t o hi s l ady f ai r."

    He l oo ke d ov er h is s hou lde r, t hi nk ing t o t el l he r n ot t o bot he r, bu t s he wa s ou t t he doo r, j us t l ik e t ha t,

    w it h h im t he p ro ud o wn er o f a p ai r o f f in e l ad y' s g ar te rs a nd w ay t oo m an y l ad y- fa ir s t o s ta rt t ry in g t o

    pick which one.

    W el l, h el l. W ha t w as h e g oi ng t o d o w it h t ho se ? h e w on de re d. B ut t he n h e t ho ug ht , W el l, o f c ou rs e. H e

    w en t i nt o t he b ac k.

    T he o nl y p er so n t he re w as N el l, t he s ea ms tr es s' s a ss is ta nt . S he s at w it h h er b lo nd e h ea d b en t c lo se t o

    t he s ew in g m ac hi ne . S he w as t ry in g t o t hr ea d i ts n ee dl e, b ut s to pp ed w he n h e e nt er ed , s mi li ng u p a t h im .

    " Whe re be t he l ad y wh o wa s t ry ing o n c lot he s ba ck h er e? " he a ske d.

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    " Sh e l ef t. " N el l t ipp ed he r h ea d i n t he d ir ec ti on of a b ac k do or . W he n h e dr opp ed t he g ar te rs on to h er

    s ew in g t ab le, h er s mi le g ot b ig ger. " Co o, t hese are p lu sh , aren' t t hey?" S he l au gh ed , p icki ng t hem u p.

    " An d abo ut t en t im es n icer t han t ho se h or ri d t hi ng s L ad y W hi tt in g w an ted. "

    " Th e o th er l ad y, " h e s ai d. " Th e t al l o ne w hat w as t ry in g o n d ress es . S he b uy any th in g?"

    " W e a lt er ed s om e d re ss es f or h er ."

    "S he t ak e ' em ?"

    "We're sending them."

    " Th en p ut t ho se i n h er p ackage, w il l y ou ?"

    S he h el d u p t he g ar te rs l oo pe d r ou nd h er h an d. T he y w er e f in e. N ot s cr at ch y l ik e t he l ac e o ne s. S of t.

    Simple. Right diabolical in their appeal. Like the long legs he imagined wearing them.

    N el l s ai d, " I d on 't t hi nk s he 'd a cc ep t g ar te rs f ro m y ou , M r. T re mo re . S he 's a p ro pe r l ad y, M is s "

    H e b en t, p ut ti ng h is f in ger again st t he g ir l' s l ip s, l eani ng h is w ei gh t, h is p al m d ow n, o n h er s ew in g t ab le.

    He d idn' t w an t t o k now a n ame . He d idn' t w ant t o k now n ot hi ng a bo ut t he l ady be hi nd t he s cr ee n. H e

    alr eady k new eno ug h. " Tell h er t hey' re f ro m y ou t hen. "

    "From me?"

    " Fr om t he s ho p. F or b ei ng a go od c us to me r, y ou s ee . No ne ed f or he r t o k no w wh er e t he y c ome f ro m."

    T here n ow . P er fect . T om or ro w, s om ew here i n L on do n a l on g- legg ed l ad y w ou ld b e w ak in g aro un d i n a

    s we et pa ir of ga rt er s t ha t w er e j us t r ight f or he r p re tt y l eg s. The i de a wa s a l it tl e on t he i nde ce nt s ide , but

    M ick f el t h er oi c any way f or m ak in g i t h ap pen.

    T he n N el l bl in ds id ed h im . S he s to od u p f ro m h er c ha ir , h er f ac e c om in g r ig ht u p t o h is , a nd w hi sp er ed ,

    " No o ne w ou ld k no w i f, w el l " S he m ur mu re d i n a r us h, " My f at he r' s a sl ee p u ps ta ir s. H e w or ks t he

    n ig ht s hi ft . S o d oe s m y b ro th er . M y u nc le a nd c ou si ns a re o ut , a nd A un t M il ly i s b us y i n f ro nt . N o o ne

    w ou ld k no w i f, s ay " S he p au se d, l ik e s he w as n' t s ur e w he re t o g o f ro m h er e. " If , s ay , I f ix ed y ou r s hi rt

    for you."

    " My s hi rt ?" M ick l oo ked d ow n. " Wh at 's w ro ng w it h m y s hi rt ?"

    S he r ea ch ed o ut , c as ua ll y r es ti ng h er h an d o n h is c he st . " It h as a h ol e. "

    "No, it"

    Y es , i t d id : H e l oo ke d d ow n a nd w at ch ed h er p ut h er f in ge rn ai l t hr ou gh a s mo ot h p la ce w he re t he l in en

    w as w or n. H is s hi rt h ad a f in ge rn ai l- si ze d h ol e b ef or e h e h ad t he p re se nc e o f m in d t o g ra b h er h an d a nd

    hold it.

    S he l et o ut a s of t s ou nd , m or e s at is fa ct io n t ha n d is tr es s. H e w at ch ed h er l ow er h er e ye li ds a s a l it tl e

    s mi le s pr ea d o n h er f ac e.

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    A y ou ng w om an charg ed i n b eh in d t he o th er s. S he w ep t and cal led t o t he r es t so meth in g abo ut n ot hi ng

    having happened like they thought. Ah, Edwina concluded, young lovers caughte n f l ag r an t e d e li c t o.

    M or e p eo pl e ent er ed . A no th er m an r aced i n b eh in d t he cry in g g ir l. A ft er h im , t wo w el l- dr es sed

    g en tl em en t ro tt ed i n, t ho ug h o nce i ns id e t hey i mm ed iately s tepp ed b ack again st t he w al l as i f t o

    watchthe wild goings-on apparently bringing in the curious from the street.

    Ed wi na h er se lf c am e t o he r f ee t. O th er pa tr ons of t he t ea hou se r os e, t ri ed t o mo ve ba ck , ye t i t w as ha rd

    t o t el l w hi ch wa y t o t ur n i n or de r t o s ta y out of t he f ra y. Sh e wa s s tr ande d i n t he mi ds t of c la mor t ha t

    g re w a ro un d h er . O ve r t he s ou nd o f l ad ie s' s hr ie ki ng a nd m en 's " No w s ee h er e! " c ar ri ed t he r ig ht eo us

    exclamations and bitter complaint of the fleeing fellow. His pursuers shouted after him, promising

    m ay hem, w hi le h e n ar ro wl y avo id ed i t, cur si ng t hem and d as hi ng r ou nd o ne t ab le t hen t he n ex t. H e l ef t

    behind him a trail of quickly vacated chairs and tables and clanking, shimmying china.

    H is a dv er sa ri es , l es s s pr y a nd m or e w or ke d u p, w hi pp ed a ga in st p eo pl e a nd o bj ec ts h e a vo id ed , r at he r

    l ik e t he t ai l o f a c yc lo ne . T he y k no ck ed c ha ir s s id ew ay s, o ve rt ur ne d a t ab le , t he n s en t o ne m an

    s pr aw li ng . W hen t hey g rabb ed f or t he f ri sk y f el lo w o ver ano th er t ab le, t hey end ed u p p ul li ng o ff t he t ab lel in en . T hey s lo sh ed o ver cou nt less t eapo ts and t os sed clo tt ed cream o nt o t he f lo or b y t he b ow lf ul .

    A t t hi s p oi nt , an apr on -f ro nt ed w ai ter j oi ned i n, t hen ano th er w ai ter. M r. A bern at hy h im self m at er iali zed

    f ro m t he b ack o ff ices , h is g lass es o n h is f or eh ead. T he s to ut l it tl e o wn er f ro wn ed , t hen w av ed , t ry in g t o

    o rg an ize h is s taff ; h e g av e chase, t oo .

    T hu s p ur su er s m ul ti pl ied. T hen d iv id ed M r. A bemath y and t he w ai ters s pl it u p, d ar ti ng r ou nd a t ab le

    f ro m t wo d ir ec ti on s i n a n e ff or t t o c or ne r a f el lo w w ho c ou ld n' t b e c or ne re d: H is f ro ck c oa t a nd s hi rt

    f la pp in g o pe n o n h is b ar e c he st , t he m an v au lt ed t he d es se rt t ro ll ey ( wi th n ar y a c re am p uf f d is tu rb ed ).

    E very on e i n p ur su it , f ro m b ot h s id es and b eh in d, col li ded at t he car t catchi ng t heir p rey o nl y i ns of ar as

    t o s pa tt er t he b ac ks o f h is l ea pi ng b oo ts a nd t ro us er s w it h c r me a ng la is e. E ve ry l as t p ur su er w en t d ow n,t heir l im bs f lo un deri ng l ik e s patu las i n a con co ct io n o f m ix ed p as tr ies. A s t hey r os e, t hey w er e cov er ed i n

    berries, cake, cream-puff cream, and biscuit bits.

    E dw in a l au gh ed o ut ri gh t. E ven t ho ug h i t w as n' t f un ny , o f cou rs e. N o, n o. I t w as awf ul t hat A bern at hy

    a nd F re ig h' s f am ou s S at ur da y a ft er no on c re am t ea s ho ul d b ec om e a f re e- fo r- al l. S he p ut h er h an d t o h er

    m ou th , s ti fl in g t he l au gh ter t hat w an ted t o b reak o ut .

    The l ea de r o f t he p ar ade he ade d f or t he f ro nt door i n t he l ul l, a nd wo ul d ha ve m ade hi s e xi t, but a bob by

    c ame i n j us t a s th e f el low w as a bout t o r un out . " Di a-bol-ical! "h e s ai d emp hati cal ly as t he b ob by s pr ead

    h is arm s, b lo ck in g t he d oo rw ay .

    The fellow swerved back into the room. The umbrella-flourishing womanwho now looked familiar

    s om eh ow , a s i f E dw in a w ou ld k no w h er i n a d if fe re nt c on te xt l an de d a g oo d s wi pe a s h e s ai le d p as t.

    " Ai ! T hat ' ur ts , l oo v, " h e s ai d.

    T he v ag uely f am il iar w om an l ed t he p ack again and , f or a b ri ef m om en t, w as clo se eno ug h t o d el iv er

    s ev er al m or e t hw ac ks o n t he m an 's f or ea rm a s h e p ro te ct ed h is h ea d.

    " St op ! T hi s b e b lewd y i ns an e, y e s il ly o ld cow ."

    E dw in a t il te d h er h ea d, h er i nt er es t s hi ft in g. T he m an h ad t he o dd es t s pe ec h p at te rn . B en ea th a s tr on g

    d os e o f E as t S ide L on do n l ay a c ou nt ry i di om t ha t r ar el y l ef t t he s ou thw es t t ip o f E ng la nd . A m is hm as h o f

    Cornish and Cockney. Remarkable.

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    " Be gg ar m e, " h e p ro te st ed . " No th in ' ' ap pe ne d! " A ft er w hi ch h is f ee t h it s om e o f t he c re am t ha t h ad

    s pi ll ed on t he f loo r. H is a rm s f le w ou t a s h e s li ppe d i n i t, h is r ef le xe s a gi le e no ug h t o ke ep h im

    uprightthough not sufficient to keep him from pure, blind swearing. "Aw-w, blewdy 'ell fokin' mawther

    a ' G aw d "

    H is w or ds g av e E dw in a o nl y m om en ta ry p au se . S he q ui ck ly d uc ke d d ow n u nd er h er t ab le t o d ig an ot eb oo k a nd p en f ro m h er d ra ws tr in g p ur se . W ha t l uc k. W hy , s he c ou ld h av e t ra ve le d m il es a nd n ev er

    heard the Queen's English so marvelously slaughtered.

    " Wh at 's h e s ay ing ?" s om eo ne a sk ed b ehi nd h er a s s he t ook a s te p ba ck .

    S he i nt er ru pt ed h er r ap id s cr ib bl es , t hi nk in g t he q ue st io n a dd re ss ed t o h er . B ut n o, s he r ea li ze d i t w as

    o ne o f t he t wo cur io si ty -s eekers w ho h ad f ol lo wed t he com mo ti on i n; t hey w er e t al ki ng t og et her.

    " Wh o car es ?" ans wered t he s econ d. " I' ll g iv e y ou f iv e- to -o ne o dd s t hey b rain h im h er e. "

    " He re i n t he t ea ro om ?" a sk ed t he o th er . B ot h m en w er e w el l- dr es se d: d ar k f ro ck c oa ts , s tr ip ed t ro us er s,

    g ra y g lo ve s, g ra y t op h at s, a s i f t he y h ad c om e f ro m a g ar de n p ar ty o r w ed di ng . T he n s he b li nk ed a nd

    l oo ked again : T he m en w er e t wi ns , all b ut i dent ical . O ne w as p er haps ever s o s li gh tl y t al ler and t hi nn er .

    " No, n o, " t he t al le r o ne s ai d, " th ey 'l l g et h ol d o f hi m b y t he s cr uf f h er e, d ra g h im i nt o t he s tr ee t, a nd b ra in

    h im o ut si de. M y f if ty again st y ou r t en p ou nd n ot e. "

    " Yo u' re o n. H e' s b ig ge r t ha n a ny o f t he m. A nd f as te r th ey a re n' t e ve n g oi ng t o c at ch h im ; t he y' ve b ee n

    t ry ing f or m or e t ha n a c it y b loc k "

    She dismissed their silly conversation; neither the syntax nor inflection was interesting. Both born nearB ri gh to n. U pp er -class . T he t al ler o ne h ad b een t o E to n; n ei th er h ad s een u ni vers it y.

    I nf lect io ns and s yn tax, y es . S he m ad e n ot es : T he cry in g g ir l w as f ro m t he L on do n d is tr ict o f

    W hi tech ap el ; s o w er e h er r el at iv es t he p ur su er s w er e all r el at ed , s am e h ou seho ld , t ho ug h t he g ir l and

    t he w om an w it h t he u mb re ll a h ad v en ee rs o f r ef in ed di ct io n, t he s or t l ea rne d i f t ra ine d i n a n ic e L on do n

    shop.

    I t o cc ur re d t o E dw in a: t he s ea ms tr es s a nd h er a ss is ta nt f ro m t he d re ss s ho p o ff Q ue en 's G at e. T ha t' s

    w ho t he t wo w om en w er e. N ot t ha t i t m at te re d. A ny i nt er es ti ng f ac ts b ur ie d i n t he ir s pe ec h w er e t id bi ts ,

    m er e cru mb s o f r ichn es s, w hen com pared t o t he t reas ur e t ro ve o f l in gu is ti c atr ocit ies com in g f ro m t hem ou th o f t he elu si ve, b ar e- ch es ted m an .

    A s an ext ra b on us , h is v oi ce r an g, d is ti ncti ve, d eep; i t car ri ed w it h an ath leti c v ocal clari ty . W hi ch m ad e

    f or a n ic e, c le an s tu dy o f t he a be rr at io ns h e p ut i nt o E ng li sh s pe ec h. H is a tt ac k o f i ni ti al H 's , s om e

    d ro pp ed , s om e add ed w her e t hey d id n' t b el on g, w as u nequ iv ocal. H is s ho rt v ow el s w er e p ro lo ng ed s o

    clear ly t hey alm os t m ad e f or an ext ra s yl labl e.

    Rarely had she heard anyone who could so completely distinguish himself, by simply opening his mouth,

    a s c om in g f ro m t he b ot to mm os t r un g o f t he l ow es t o rd er o f s oc ie ty .

    H is s pe ec h p ut h im f ro m t he m in in g di st ri ct s o f C or nw al l, c om e t o L ond on n ow n o d ou bt t o m ak e h is

    f or tu ne a s a w el l, h e c ou ld h av e b ee n a ny th in g f ro m a d us tm an t o a p ic kp oc ke t. O r a r at ca tc he r, w as n' t

    t hat w hat s om eo ne h ad cal led h im ? P er fect .

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    "Yes,"Edwina interrupted. "He meansyes . I f y ou 'l l l et h im u p, y ou' ll b e a bl e t o u nd er st an d h im be tt er ."

    " Do y ou k no w t hi s m an , m is s?"

    "No."

    " Wh y are y ou s peak in g u p f or h im t hen?"

    "I'm not"

    " Th en m in d y ou r o wn b us in es s. H e' s b ei n' s mart "

    " Wi th r eg ar d t o t ha t p ar ti cu la r w or d, h e' s b ei ng C or ni sh i n a w ay o ne h ar dl y h ea rs i n L on do n. H e w as

    r ai se d s om ew he re n ea r S t. J us t, I 'd s ay ." T he m an b el ow t he m m ad e a s ou nd o f s at is fa ct or y s ta rt le me nt ,

    an i nd icat io n t hat s he w as o n t he m ar k. M or e con fi dent ly , s he add ed , " Th ou gh h eaven k no ws h is accen t

    h as m or e t ha n C or nw al l i n i t. L et h im u p, w ou ld y ou p le as e. "

    O ne t hi ng s he c ou ld s ay f or h er se lf : H er ow n a cc en t th ro ug h l it tl e o r n o e ff or t o f h er o wn w as a s

    g ent ee l a s e ve r c am e f ro m a l ad y' s l ips . T he d ic ti on o f t he Q ue en he rs el f d id n ot i mp ly m or e q ui et

    a ut ho ri ty . I t a lw ay s s tr uc k h er a s a m ar ve lo us c on tr ad ic ti on t ha t s he c ou ld s ou nd s o s ur e o f h er se lf f or n o

    m or e r ea so n t ha n t he o pe nn es s o f h er v ow el s a nd t he b ri ef ne ss o f h er f in al R 's .

    T he l it tl e g ro up s tr ai gh te ne d t he ms el ve s, l oo ki ng f ro m o ne t o t he o th er a s t he y s te pp ed b ac k a nd l et t he

    bobby and a waiter bring the fellow up by his arms.

    T he m an t hey b ro ug ht t o h is f eet w as h ug e, m uch t al ler t han s he'd t ho ug ht , w il d- lo ok in g, and u tt er ly

    f ur io us . I f h is g oo d n at ur e w er e p ut u po n b y b ei ng c ha se d, i t di d n ot s ur vi ve a t a ll b ei ng p in ne d t o t heg ro un d a nd b ea te n. H e s ta re d n ar ro wl y d ow n a t h er .

    A nov el e xpe ri en ce . A m an ha d t o be ov er s ix fe et t o l ook do wn a t Edw ina B ol la sh. Thi s ma n wa s

    e as il y. L on g- li mb ed , w id e- sh ou ld er ed , h e s to od a t l ea st s ix an d a q ua rt er f ee t t al l. H e w as a ls o m or e

    r ob us t t han s he h ad i magi ned. N ot h eavy s o m uch as w el l- bu il t, f il led- ou t wi th h is arm s h el d b ack, h is

    f ro ck c oa t a nd s hi rt g ap ed o pe n o nt o c he st m us cl es t ha t l oo ke d a ki n t o t he t an ne d, t oo le d b re as tp la te o f

    a n o ld R om an c ul ra ss , i f s uc h a rm or h ad h ad

    E d wi na b li nk ed , w id en ed h er eyes, t hen g lanced d ow n. ( Wh il e h er m in d con ti nu ed o n i ts o wn :Hair, if

    such armor had hair that flowed into a wedge of black that narrowed downward into a neat line.S he h ad n ev er s ee n a ma n' s na ke d c he st , e xc ept o f c our se o n s ta tu es , w hi ch n ev er ha d h ai r. S he f el t a

    pinch of betrayalwhat else, she wondered, was inaccurate on the stone men she had so carefully and

    curiously studied?)

    " Co ul d s om eo ne g et h im a p ro pe r s hi rt ?" s he a sk ed . S he m ig ht h av e r eq ue st ed i ns te ad t ha t h e b ut to n h is

    ow n o r hi s c oa t, e xc ep t hi s s hi rt ha d e xa ct ly t wo b ut ton s on i t, bo th a t t he b ot tom , a nd w as r ip pe d do wn

    t he f ront a s if i t ha d c aught on s ome thi ng. Hi s c oat ha d no but to ns a t a ll , n ot a one down i ts l ong pl ac ke t.

    A ft er a s ma ll t o- do , a t ab le cl ot h w as d ra pe d o ve r t he f el lo w' s s ho ul de rs . A s i t f el l o ve r t he f ro nt o f h im ,

    h e s po ke t o h er . " Ye 'l l b e e xc us in ' m e, d uc k, " h e s ai d. " Id de n m e c ho ic e t o s ta nd ' er e w it ho ut m e s hi rt

    done up."

    " I' m s ur e, " s he s ai d. S he l et h er se lf t ake i n t he m or e m od es t s ig ht of hi m, t il ti ng he r h ea d t il l t he f lo we rs

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    o n h er h at s hi f ted, t ak in g h er h ead s id ew ay s ano th er d eg ree.

    T he h ai r o n h is h ea d w as l on g, w il d, a nd d ar k. H e w or e a p os it iv el y f er al m us ta ch e wa lr us -l ik e a nd j et

    black. It went with the dense stubble on his cheeks. Beyond this, he had a faintly alarming face: a broad,

    s qu ar e j aw , i ts s ha rp r ig ht a ng le s b el ow h is e ar s m ad e m or e s ev er e b y k no ts o f m us cl e t ha t f le xe d, a n

    ang ry m an t ry in g r eg ai n con tr ol o f h im self . D ar k col or in g. A d eep, j ut ti ng b ro w. I t w as a d ramati c f ace,

    s t ro ng . T he w or dvillainous i mm ed iately l eaped t o m in d, t ho ug h, i n f ai rn es s, i t w as a h an ds om ef aceh an ds om e eno ug h at l east f or a s eam st res s' s as si st ant t o r is k h er r ep ut at io n.

    E dw in a c ou ld n' t h el p b ut a sk , " So y ou w er e b or n i n S t. J us t, b ut h ow l on g h av e y ou l iv ed i n

    Whitechapel?"

    He f row ne d a t he r. " Do I kn ow ye ?"

    " No . I 'm a p hi lo lo gi st . I s tu dy p eo pl e' s s peech. A nd y ou rs i s m os t i nt er es ti ng ."

    T he b ob by i nt er ru pt ed . " Ex cu se m e, m is s, b ut w e h av e t hi ng s t o s et tl e: I 'l l b e arr es ti ng t hi s f el lo w n ow ."

    "A rr es ti ng m e? W ha t' d I d o ' ce pt k ee p m es el f f ro m b ei n' k il t? I n f ac t, I b e r ep or ti ng t he se b ug -b ri ne s

    h er e f er "

    B ug -b ra ins . Di ab ol ic al a f ew m in ut es a go . H e w as v er ba l i n t he w ay s om e C oc kn ey s w er e: a l ov e o f

    w or ds and col or fu l t al k. N ei th er w on h im any g ro un d h er e, h ow ev er .

    M r. A bern at hy d ro wn ed h im o ut , cal li ng f or every on e' s arr es t. O th er s j oi ned i n, t he chaos r is in g again i n

    w av es o f d ef en se and accus ati on . T he app ar en t f at her o f t he w eepy s ho p as si st an t s ai d s om et hi ng t hat

    m ad e h er b eg in t o cry again . T he s eams tr es s, t he g ir l' s aun t app ar en tl y, s ti ff -arm ed t he f at her w it h t he h eel

    o f he r h an d, t el li ng hi m t o b ut to n h is l ip . A nd s o i t w oul d h av e b eg un a ll ov er .

    E xcep t, s ur pr is in gl y, o ne o f t he g en tl em en t wi ns w ho h ad f ol lo wed t he f racas i n s tepp ed f ro m b eh in d

    E dw in a a nd h el d u p h is h an d. " St op ! S to p! " h e c al le d.

    T he g ro up q ui et ed r el uctant ly as t hey w at ch ed h im r em ov e a n ot ecase f ro m h is coat p ocket.

    " Mo st o f t hi s i s j us t m es s, " h e s ai d, t he n a dd ed c av al ie rl y, " th at t he w ai te rs c an c le an u p. O th er t ha n

    m es s, I s ee o ne br oke n c ha ir , wh ic h I a m ha ppy t o p ay f or ." H e s li d a t en- pou nd n ot e f rom t he

    n ot ec as e' s b il lf ol d, e no ug h t o b uy h al f a d oz en c ha ir s, o ff er in g i t t o M r. A be rn at hy . " Ca ll i t t he c os t o f a

    m or ni ng 's g oo d s po rt ." H e b eamed at t he f el lo w w eari ng t he t ab le-clo th . " Yo u l ed o ne j ol ly g oo d chase,o ld c ha p. A nd e ar ne d m e f if ty qu id f or i t. "

    T he m us ta ch io ed f el lo w l au gh ed a s i f t he y w er e s ud de nl y m at es . " Wh ic h w e' d b e ' ap py t o t ak e ' al f o f. "

    T i ke 'a r f o f E dw in a w as m es meri zed b y t he m ud dl ed s yn tax and t hi ck ness o f h is s el f- in vent ed d ialect .

    T he o th er b ro th er , s tand in g b es id e h er , con cu rr ed . " Am azin g, " h e s ai d, " I can b ar ely u nd er st an d a w or d

    h e s ay s. I t' s E ng li sh t ho ug h, i sn 't i t?" H e s ho ok h is h ead, a con descen di ng s mi rk o n h is l ip s. " Ho nest ly ,

    d on 't p rol ong h is a go ny by h el pi ng hi m, J er em y. I f y ou h ad a ny m er cy , y ou' d j us t s ho ot h im f or be in g s o

    poor and stupid."

    The Cornish-Cockney turned around sharply. "I ain'tstupid," h e s ai d.Styoo-pid. H e m im icked t he o th er

    m an 's p ro nu nciati on q ui te w el l. " An d I ain 't a b lewd y p on cey- ar sed n ob w ho t t hi nk s h is b ut to ck s d on 't

    smell when he shites."

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    Sh e b ow ed he r h ea d e nou gh t o be a hi nd ra nc e. I n t he f ac e o f a d ir ec tne ss s he r ar el y s aw : H e s how ed no

    f ea r i n r eve al ing hi ms el f. A s i f he h ad n ot a t hi ng i n t he w or ld t o h ide .

    A l it tl e f oo li sh o f h im , s he t ho ug ht , b ut u sefu l i n s peech s tu di es . H e w ou ld n' t b e s el f- co ns ci ou s abo ut h is

    pronunciation. On impulse, she said, "I'll give you five bob if you'll come by my house in Knightsbridge

    t om or ro w aft er no on and d o s om e s peaki ng exer ci ses f or m e. "

    " Ye r ' ou se ?" h e s ai d. Hi s l op si de d gr in br oke s lyl y ba ck on to h is f ac e. H e c oc ke d hi s he ad t o t he s id e.

    "Alone?"

    B ol dl y, h e g la nc ed d ow n t he l en gt h o f h er . E dw in a c ra nk ed h er h ea d b ac k. T he l oo k h e p as se d o ve r h er

    w as p ur el y o bn ox io us alm os t t oo t ri te t o b e i ns ul ti ng . H on es t t o g oo dn es s, w hat cou ld h e p os si bl y

    think?

    T hen s he f el t h er cheek s i nf us e w it h h eat.

    S he k new w hat h e t ho ug ht : G an gl y. O ver- tall . O veredu cated. A m yo pi c s pi ns ter f or w ho m t here w as n o

    brim in the world wide enough to hide all that was wrong with her. Edwina was accustomed to people

    thinking her unfeminine, unattractive. She was, however, unaccustomed to anyone leaping from that

    judgment to the notion that she was so desperate for the company of a man that she would hire one off

    t he s t reet.

    S he d rew h er self u p, s ho wi ng t he s call yw ag h er m os t r ig ht eo us d em eano r. T here w as a f li ck er o f

    s om et hi ng , a t ea si ng i n h is l ops id ed s mi le t ho ug h, i f s o, i t w as t he w ro ng s ub je ct o n w hi ch t o t ea se h er .

    S he s cow le d. " My ho us e i s n ot e mpt y. I d o not l ive a lo ne , M r. " Sh e pa us ed f or a na me .

    He supplied, "Mick."

    "You have a family name?"

    "Yes, love"Ace, loov"Tremore. But everyone calls me Mick."

    " We ll , M r. T re mo re , I 'm n ot yo ur l ov e. M y na me i s B ol la sh, M is s E dw in a B ol la sh . A nd I m er el y w an t t o

    s tu dy y ou r s pe ec h, d o a p al at og ra ph ic , p er ha ps m ak e a g ra mo ph on e r ec or di ng . S o i f y ou a re i nt er es te d

    in"

    " Exc us e me ," s ai d a vo ic e t o t he s ide . " I ha ve t o a sk: Ar e y outhe Miss Edwina Bollash?"

    S he t ur ne d t o f in d t ha t t he t wo g en tl em an b ro th er s h ad n ot d is pe rs ed w it h t he r es t. T he s li gh tl y s ho rt er

    o ne, t he o ne w ho w as g en er ou s w it h h is b il lf ol d, w as add ress in g h er .

    " I k no w o f n o o th er ," s he a ns we re d.

    H e s ho t h is n ea r- du pl ic at e a s mu g l oo k, t he n h el d o ut h is h an d b y w ay o f i nt ro du ct io n. " My b ro th er ,

    E mi le L am on t. I am J er em y L am on t o f S ir L eo po ld L am on t' s f am il y, o f B ri gh to n and l at el y o f L on do n. "

    H e o ff er ed h is c ar d a s h e n od de d t ow ar d M r. T re mo re . " So y ou s pe ak t hi s c ha p' s l an gu ag e? "

    S he n o dd ed.

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    T he t hi nn er , a nd s om eh ow m or e s ni de , b ro th er a sk ed , " Yo u a re t he s am e M is s E dw in a B ol la sh w ho i s

    r en ow ned f or h er s ki ll i n t each in g" h e l ef t a p au se" sh al l w e s ay , l es s t han g racefu l y ou ng l ad ies h ow

    t o ent er g racefu ll y i nt o s ociety ? T he o ne w ho d id t he E ar l o f D ar nw or th 's d au gh ter?"

    "Didher?"

    "Turned her from thatthatthing s he us ed t o be i nt o t he e le ga nt c re at ur e w ho m ar ri ed t he D uke o f Wychwood last month."

    E dw in a w as r at he r p ro ud o f t hi s p ar ti cu la r f ea t, b ut s he n ev er , n ev er t oo k p ub li c c re di t f or h er w or k. I t

    d em eaned t he accom pl is hm en ts o f t he y ou ng l ad ies t hems el ves. " I can 't i magi ne w here y ou h eard s uch a

    t hi ng , t ho ug h i t i s t ru e t ha t I t ut or p ri va te s tu de nt s i n e loc ut io n a nd d epo rt me nt , i f t ha t i s w ha t y ou a re

    ask in g. " S he o pened h er r et icul e, o ff er in g h er o wn car d i n exchang e.Miss Edwina Bollash. Instructor of

    Elocution and Deportment. Philologist, Phonetician, Linguist. Expert in Social Graces and Polite

    Behavior.

    " Yo u gr oom t he u gl y d uc kl in gs o f s oc ie ty i nt o s wa ns o f t he u ppe r c la ss . Al l t he r ic h m am as w er ew hi sp er in g abo ut i t i n B ri gh to n t hi s s um mer, " s ai d J er em y as h e s ho t a l oo k o f s ig ni fi cance, a r ai sed b ro w,

    at his thinner, more skeptical version.

    E mi le L am on t l au gh ed . " Co me n ow . Y ou can 't b e s er io us ," h e s ai d t o h im .

    H is b ro th er p ro te st ed , " I a m. A nd y ou a re a bs ol ut el y w ro ng . W hy , s he c ou ld t ak e t hi s v er y f el lo w h er e

    and m ak e h im i nt o a g en tl em an i n a f or tn ig ht . I w ou ld b et i t. " T ur ni ng t o h er , " Co ul dn 't y ou ?"

    " Ma ke h im i nt o a g ent le ma n? " T he i de a s ta rt le d a l au gh o ut o f h er .

    " Yes. C hang e t he w ay h e s peak s bein g a g en tl em an i s h ar dl y m or e t han t al ki ng p ro perl y, w eari ngd ecen t clo th es , and f ew p ol it e m an ners ."

    " It 's a g oo d d ea l m or e t ha n t ha t, I 'd s ay " S he g la nc ed a t t he b eg ga rl y- lo ok in g f el lo w, w ho n ow

    w at che d h er w it h t he s am e i nt er es t h e m ig ht h av e g iv en t o a ho us ef ul o f r at s.

    " Ye s, b ut y ou c ou ld d o w ha te ve r i t t oo k, " J er em y i ns is te d. " I k no w. I 'v e s po ke n w it h L ad y W yc hw oo d.

    S he c on fi de d t ha t y ou h el pe d h er , t ha t y ou p ic ke d h er c lo th es , h ad s om eo ne c om e i n f or h er h ai r, t au gh t

    h er h ow t o m ov e, e ve n h ow t o i nt on e h er v oi ce ."

    E m il e L am on t l et o ut a d er is iv e s no rt . " Lady W ychw oo dwas a la dy," he s ai d. " That w as no tr ic k. I s til ls ay t he re i s no s ci enc e t ha t c an m ake w el l, a s il k p ur se out o f a s ow 's e ar . An d I s ti ll s ay" he p oke d

    t he air i n f ro nt o f h is b ro th er 's f ace f or emp hasi s "t hat any on e w ho can 't s peak t he Q ueen 's E ng li sh

    properly may as well be shot, for there is no hope for their ever living a decent life. They are nothing but a

    drain on society."

    " Yo u s ee? Y ou s ee?" h is b ro th er exclaim ed . H is f ace r ed dened. " I h av e t o l iv e w it h t hi s arr og an t f el lo w!

    H av e y ou e ve r h ea rd s uc h a t hi ng ?"

    I n J er em y' s d ef en se , s he s ai d t o h is b ro th er , " Yo u' re q ui te w ro ng . Y ou c an c ha ng e t he w ay a p er so n

    s pe ak s. H ea ve ns , y ou c an t ea ch a p ar ro t t o t al k. "

    "But not well."

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    "Well enough."

    " Sh e c ou ld d o i t w el l e no ug h, " J er em y s ai d. " Yo u s ee ? I t c an b e d on e. "

    T here w as a p regn an t m om en t, i n w hi ch h is b ro th er s eemed t o con temp late t heir d is cu ss io n af ter w hi ch

    he r ai se d o ne e ye br ow a nd s mi le d. " Le t me b uy yo u e ac h a c up of t ea ." He s mi rk ed t he n a dd ed, " You ,

    too, Mr . Tremore. For I ha ve a n idea. I ca n see a wa y he re for me to win bac k my mone y fr om mybrother and then some."

    E dwi na a ll owe d he rs el f t o be s at a t a t abl e t o t he s ide of t he c le anup , f ac in g t he s tr ange st t ri o of me n s he

    c oul d r em em be r i n a w hi le . T wo r ic h, i dl e y ou ng g en tl em en w ho h ad l it tl e t o d o b ey on d b ic ke r. A nd a

    robust-looking ratcatcher wearing a tablecloth.

    A s a w ai te r w al ke d a wa y w it h t he ir o rd er s, J er em y s ai d, " Em il e, I k no w w ha t y ou w er e t hi nki ng "

    " Yo u l ik e t o t hi nk y ou d o "

    " Yo u w er e t hi nk in g t ha t t hi s m an w as b or n p oor a nd w il l d ie p oo r, t ha t h is p ov er ty i s i n h is b lo od . B ut I

    s ay i t' s i n h is s pe ec h. A nd I 'm w il li ng t o b ac k m y op in io n w it h a w ag er y ou w il l b e h ar d- pr es se d t o

    r ef us e. " H e t oo k a b re at h, t he n l ea ne d i nt en tl y t ow ar d h is b ro th er . " I' ll b et y ou a h un dr ed p ou nd s t ha t

    s he" he p oi nt ed at E dw in a "can t ur n h im " he j ab bed a f in ger i n M r. T remo re's d ir ecti on " in to a

    gentleman by simply fixing the way he talks and teaching him some manners."

    Oh , m y. Sh e ha d t o i nt er ru pt . " No , n o. I a pp re ci at e yo ur f ai th , b ut I c an ha rdl y t ak e on s uc h a l ar ge

    project"

    " Ho w l on g w ou ld i t t ak e?"

    S he b li nk ed . " I d on 't k no w. M or e t han a f or tn ig ht , cer tain ly . A nd i t w ou ld b e exp en si ve"

    " Wh at i f w e c ov er ed y ou r f ee s a nd c os ts ?" T hr ow in g a n as ty g ri n a t h is b ro th er , h e a dd ed , " Th e l os er , o f

    cou rs e, w ou ld h av e t o r ei mb ur se t he w in ner. "

    S he b li nk ed again . " I d on 't k no w. " S he g lanced at M r. T remo re. H e w as l is teni ng car ef ul ly , w ar y b ut

    curious.

    H e w as cer tain ly an i nt er es ti ng cas e. P er fect i n any n um ber o f w ay s. T he clear p ro nu nciati on , o r

    m is pr on un ci at io n act uall y. H e l ov ed w or ds . H e cou ld m im ic accen ts . M or eo ver, a m an w ho s im pl y s ai dw ha t he ha d t o s ay wo ul d m ak e f as te r p ro gr es s t ha n o ne wh o h es it at ed or he dg ed .

    E mi le L am on t t ap ped h is l on g, t hi n f in gers , t hen aft er a m om en t l if ted an eyebr ow s pecu lati vely . " We'd

    ha ve t o f ind a wa y t o de te rmi ne w ho ha d wo n t he b et ," he s ai d.

    H is b ro th er p ul led h is m ou th t ig ht , t il l h is l ip s w hi tened. " I w in i f h e b ecom es a g en tl em an ."

    " Ye s, but who w il l de ci de i f he is a gent le ma n or not ? You? He r? No, no. You' d s impl y c le an him up,

    d re ss h im up , t he ncallhim a gentleman."

    " We ll , w e' re n ot g oi ng t o l etyou be the judge, if that's what you're suggesting."

    E mi le L am on t s hr ug ge d, a s i f h e h ad w on t he b et a lr ea dy b ec au se h is b ro th er c ou ld n ot f in d a w ay t o

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    v al id at e t he end r es ul t.

    " W e w il l f in d an arb it rary j ud ge, an o bj ecti ve t hi rd p ar ty ," J er em y p ro test ed .

    " W ho ? O ne o f y ou r f ri en ds ?"

    "W el l, n ot o ne o f y ou rs ."

    " Mi ne w ou ld b e m or e i mp ar ti al , b ut n ev er m in d. I t c an 't b e d on e, a nd y ou 'd c he at a ny wa y. " E mi le

    shrugged again, losing interest.

    Th e be t w as o ff .

    T he n o n a ga in : " Wa it " H e s at ba ck , s mi li ng a s he t en te d h is f in ge rs . " I h av e a n i de a. " I t w as a w ic ke d

    i de a, s he c ou ld t el l b y t he w ay h e n ar ro we d h is e ye s. " Th e D uk e o f A rl es 's a nn ua l b al l, " h e a nn ou nc ed .

    " It 's i n s ix w ee ks . I f y ou c an p as s h im o ff t he re a s oh , s ay , a v is co un t. " H e l au gh ed . " Ye s, a v is co un t. I f

    y ou can b ri ng h im , h av e h im s tay t he ent ir e eveni ng w it h every on e t hi nk in g h e i s a t it led E ng li sh l or d, i f n oo ne cat ch es o n, t hen y ou h av e w on ." H e l au gh ed h eart il y.

    E dw in a alm os t l au gh ed h er self . S he f el t l ig ht -h eaded all at o nce. T he D uk e o f A rl es w as h er d is tant

    cou si n th ou gh t here w as n o l ov e l os t b et ween t hem. A rl es h ad i nh er it ed h er f at her' s est at es t welv e

    y ea rs a go , l ea vi ng h er w it h w ha te ve r s he c ou ld e ke o ut o n h er o wn .

    P as si ng an i mp os ter o ff at h is ann ual b al l w ou ld i nf ur iate h er cou si n.

    S he s ta re d d ow n i nt o h er t ea cu p. Y es , i t m os t c er ta in ly w ou ld . W hy , i t w ou ld m ak e t he o ld g oa t

    apoplectic.

    T he n ot io n t oo k o n a s tr an ge , u ne xp ec te d a pp ea l. A rl es 's a nn ua l b al l w as a h ur dl e s he a lw ay s e nj oy ed

    s ur mo un ti ng , t ho ug h i n t he p as t s he h ad alw ay s d on e s o l eg it im at el y: s een g ir ls m ad e com fo rt ab le t here

    w ho d es er ve d t o b e c om fo rt ab le i n t he p re se nc e o f t he d uk e a nd h is f ri en ds . B ut p as si ng o ff a n i mp os te r.

    W el l, i t w as a bs ur d, o f c ou rs e. A nd i f p eo pl e f ou nd o ut , i t c ou ld b e d am ag in g. S he w as a ll ow ed h er l it tl e

    l if e o n t he f ri ng e o f s oc ie ty p ar tl y b ec au se s he h ad b ee n b or n t o s oc ie ty , b ut p ar tl y t oo b ec au se s he d id n' t

    challengeit.

    But, oh, to f ool t he duke and know she had f ooled him for t he re st of her days. Ye s

    N o. N o, n o, i t w as a d an ge ro us i de a. B ut i n i ma gi na ti on , i t w as a mu si ng t o c on si de r. I n f an ta sy , t he i de am ad e s om et hi ng i ns id e h er g iv e a j oy ou s j um p. A s mall , v in di ct iv e l ur ch i n h er chest t hat w as s ur pr is in g

    f or i ts l iv el in es s. W hat a t ho ug ht : O ld M il fo rd X av ier B ol lash , t he f if th D uk e o f A rl es , m ocked b y h is p lain

    c ous in f or whom he ha d no us e.

    S he l oo ke d a t t he m us ta ch io ed m an i n f ro nt o f h er . H e s wi ll ed t ea l ik e a p in t o f l ag er , g ra sp in g t he t ea cu p

    w hol e i n t he p al m of hi s h and . H e d ra ine d h is c up , t he n r ai se d hi s h and , c li ck in g h is t on gue a nd s na pp in g

    h is f in ge rs t o g et t he w ai te r' s a tt en ti on . W he n t he w ai te r l oo ke d o ve r i n a la rm , M r. T re mo re p oi nt ed , a

    d ow nw ar d p ok in g g es tu re w it h h is f in ger, and cal led, " We'd ' av e s ' mo re, C ap 'n ."

    D ea r L or d. H is m an ne rs w er e a n ig ht ma re . H e w as u nw as he d, t hr ea db ar e, a nd c om in g a pa rt a t h is

    buttons.

    Y et t here w as s om et hi ng abo ut h im . H is p os tu re w as s tr ai gh t. H is t eeth w er e g oo d. E xcel lent , act uall y. A

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    A ll t hr ee o f t he m w en t q ui et . E dw in a h er se lf h ad a ss um ed t he m an u nd er st oo d. " A b et te r w ay o f

    s peaki ng , f or o ne," s he s ai d. " Wi th ou t q uest io n, I can g iv e t hat t o y ou , p ro vi ded y ou coo perate."

    H e eyed h er s us pi ci ou sl y. " Ye'd b e i n charg e?"

    " Yes, i n m at ters r el at ed t o y ou r l earn in g h ow t o s peak and con du ct y ou rs el f. "

    " Ye r a w om an ," h e o bs er ve d.

    W el l, y es . S he t ho ug ht abo ut s ho vi ng away f ro m t he t ab le t hen, w it hd rawi ng f ro m t he w ho le f ar ce. H er e

    s he s at , t hi nk in g t o t ut or a b ig o af , w ho , t ho ug h t heor et ical ly clever, w as app ar en tl y n ot s mart eno ug h t o

    app reci at e t hat a w om an h eavens , any on e in m at ters o f s peech and g en teel b eh av io r m ig ht k no w

    m or e t ha n h e d id . S he s ta re d a t h im , h er g az e d ro pp in g t o t he b ru ti sh , t hi ck m us ta ch e t ha t t oo k u p m os t

    o f h is u pp er l ip

    H is c he st h as h ai r o nit. T he i de a p op pe d i nt o h er m in d, j us t l ik e t ha t.

    S he j ol te d, s co wl ed , a nd l oo ke d d ow n i nt o h er t ea cu p. W ha t a s tr an ge l ea p o f t ho ug ht . C he st h ai r. N o,

    n o, d on 't t hi nk abo ut s uch t hi ng s, s he t ol d h er self .

    A g oo d t ri ck , t ho ug h, h ow n ot t o t hi nk abo ut s om et hi ng .

    A ny g li mp se o f h is m us ta ch e s ee me d n ow t o p ro cl ai m t he f ac t t o h er : B en ea th t ha t t ab le cl ot h w as t he

    s tr an gest s ig ht . A n ak ed chest w it h d ar k, s mo ot h- patt er ned h ai r bl ack, s hi ny h ai r, a t hi ck l in e o f i t d ow n

    t he c en te r o f h is c he st b et we en h ea vy p ec to ra l m us cl es . W hy , w ho w ou ld h av e t ho ug ht N o,don't

    t hi nk d ea r, o h, d ea r. T he m us ta ch e. O h, s he w is he d s he d id n' t h av e t o l oo k a t t ha t w ic ke d t hi ng w ai t,

    t ha t w as i t! T he m us ta ch e s ho ul d g o. H e s ho ul d s ha ve i t o ff . I t w as w ir y, r ou gh , l ik e a b ro om o n h is l ip .

    Not gentlemanly in the least.

    Y es , o h, y es ! E dw in a t ho ug ht a s s he s ta re d a t M r. T re mo re 's m us ta ch e. T he k no wl ed ge t ha t s he c ou ld

    t el l h im t o clean h im self u p, s mo ot h h im self o ut , s tart in g w it h h is u pp er l ip , m ad e h er f eel j ub il an t all at

    o nce, eager f or t he w ho le b us in es s.

    Meanwhile, Emile Lamont sneered at Mr. Tremore across the table. "You brawling, ungrateful swine,"

    he s ai d, " wha t you ge t out of t hi s is you w on' t be ha ul ed t o th e ga ol f or a ll t he da ma ge you wr ea ke d

    t od ay. I ha ve a goo d m ind t o go de ma nd o ur m on ey ba ck a nd c al l t he c ons ta bl e a ga in. "

    " No , n o, n o, " h is b ro th er b ro ke i n q ui ck ly . " Mr . T re mo re . T hi nk of i t t hi s w ay : Y ou 'l l h av e a c us hy p la cet o l iv e f or a f ew w ee ks . Y ou 'l l g et a r eg ul ar g en tl em an 's w ar dr ob e, w hi ch y ou c an t ak e w it h y ou w he n

    y ou g o. A nd " he r ai sed h is f in ger d ramati call y "y ou w il l b e g iv en a n ew m an ner o f s peech t hat w il l b e

    y ou rs f or ev er , t au gh t b y a n e xp er t. W hy , t he re i s n o t el li ng w ha t a m an w it h y ou r r es our ce s c an d o w it h

    such an advantage."

    M r . T re mo re e ye d t he m, a m an s us pi ci ou s o f s o m uc h g oo d f or tu ne .

    T he n h e d ra in ed hi s o wn t ea cu p a ga in , w ip ed t he w et f ro m h is m us ta ch e w it h h is a rm , a nd s mi le d a cr os s

    t he t ab le a t t he t hr ee of t he m. H e s ai d, " I ne ed t we nt y po und s t oda y. I t b e f er m e f ami ly w ho w on' t be

    g et ti ng any th in g f ro m m e w hi le I d o t hi s. T hen I w an t f if ty p ou nd s w hen I b e t hr ou gh "

    " Wh y, y ou " E mi le L am on t cam e u p o ut o f h is chair .

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    " Be q ui et ," J er em y s ai d. " Of cou rs e, M r. T remo re. Y ou 'l l w an t t o h av e s om et hi ng t o s tart y ou rs el f o ut i n

    w ha te ve r n ew d ir ec ti on y ou t ak e. I t' s o nl y f ai r. " H e w it hd re w h is e ve r- op en n ot ec as e a ga in , t oo k o ut a

    bill, then with a flourish of his wrist he offered a twenty-pound note between two fingers.

    H is b ro th er , h ow ev er , q ui ck ly cup ped h is h an d o ver t he m on ey , h ol di ng i t b ack. " Al l r ig ht ," h e s ai d. " Bu t

    f if ty at t he end o nl y i f y ou m an ag e i t. " H e s mi led con descen di ng ly . " No t a h a' penn y i f y ou 'r e t oo s tu pi d t o

    carry it off."

    M r. T re mo re c on te mp la te d h im s to ni ly f or s ev er al s ec on ds . T he n h e s ai d, " A h un dr ed i f I d o i t. "

    E mi le l au gh ed , a d ry b ur st o f r el uctant amu sement : d is beli ef . " Yo u h av e s om e g al l, " h e s ai d, t hen

    s hr ug ged, g iv in g i n. " Do ne." T ak in g h is h an d o ff t he m on ey , h e g lanced at h is b ro th er . " Th e l os er p ay s. "

    T he t went y- po un d n ot e s at t her e n ow b et ween J er emy 's f in gers , avail ab le, w hi l e M r. T remo re s tar ed at

    i t f or an u ncom fo rt ab ly l on g m in ut e, as t ho ug h i t h ad t ur ned t o d un g i n t he m eant im e. I n t he end t ho ug h,

    h e r ea ch ed a cr os s a nd t oo k i t. " Ye s, " h es ai dAce " do ne ." H e s to od , s cr ap in g b ac k h is c ha ir a s h e

    pocketed the bill. "Now, where be the loo? I gotta shake 'ands with an ol' friend, if ye know what Im ea n. B li me y, bu t t ea r uns t hr ough a bl ok e. I don' t k now ' ow ye nob s d o i t."

    C ha pt e r 3

    ^

    The L am ont s t oo k Mi ck t o a t ai lor 's on a s tr ee t c al le d S av il e R ow . Bl ood y he ll , i t w as a da ndy p la ce .

    And s o long a s M ic k he ld out his ar ms or le t t he m me as ure hi m up hi s l eg, e ve ryone l et him c ra nk his

    he ad a nd ha ve a go od l ook. Th e c ar pe ts o n t he f loor w er e s o t hi ck a nd s of t, t he t ai lor ke pt ha vi ng t o ha ul

    hi m up by t he a rm she wa nt ed t o t ouc h t he m. The woo d f loor wa s pol is he d up s o s hi ny i t lo oke d we t.O ld v el ve ty c ha ir s r ef le ct ed l ik e t he y s to od o n a l ak e. T ea t ab le s f lo at ed o n t he f lo or 's s hi ne . T he p la ce

    h ad m ir ro rs , g ol d v as es w it h a rm lo ad s o f f lo we rs t ha t t oo k u p h al f a w al l, a nd s ho w- of fy g la ss b ox es a s

    t al l a s a m an 's w ai st , w it h t hi ng s i ns id e h e c ou ld b uy , l ik e b uc kl es a nd b ut to ns t o s ew o nt o t he c lo th es

    t he y m ad e h im o r n ec kt ie s o ut o f s il k a s c ol or fu l a s p ea co ck f ea th er s. W ho w ou ld 'v e t ho ug ht a p la ce f or

    blokes could get so fancy? He liked to think he'd seen some of the world, but he was impressed, he

    couldn't help it.

    I n t he e nd , t ho ug h, t he L am on ts o nl y w an te d M ic k t o h av e d ul l t hi ng s. P ah . S om e b ro wn t ro us er s, s om e

    g ra y o ne s, a c ou pl e s hi ns , a ll w hi te , a c oa t a nd w ai st co at M ic k w as a ll ow ed t o p ic k t he l in in g w he n h e

    m ad e s ur ly o ve r t he w ho le or de al . H e p ic ke d a f in e p ur pl e w it h g ol d c lov er is h t hi ng s o n i t, l ik e s om e

    d raper ies h e r emem ber ed f r om a f ir s t- r at e b or del lo h e' d r att ed.

    W he n t he b el l o ve r t he t ai lo r' s d oo r r an g a nd E dw in a B ol la sh s te pp ed t hr ou gh t he d oo rw ay , h e w as

    de li ght ed t o s ee he r. Hi s ne w pa rt ne r, c om e t o f et ch hi m, i n wha t wa s tu rni ng ou t t o be a c ho ic e

    adventure.

    H e w an te d t o t el l h er a ll t he g oo d d on e t he m t od ay . " We o rd er ed s om e r ig ht f in e c lo th es , t he n h ad s om e

    f ix ed u p t hey b e s en di ng l at er ."

    S he o nl y f roz e i n t he d oor wa y, t hough. Li ke he wa s ba ld a nd na ke d. " I t hought t he y we re g oi ng t o s ee t o

    a b at h, " s he s ai d.

    " Na w. I d on 't n ee d o ne ."

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    He l ooke d a t t he La mo nt s w ho, i n t ur n, l ooke d a t t he t ai lor . The y' d a ll h ad a l it tl e t o- do ove r t he ba th

    idea.

    He s ai d r ig ht a wa y, " Yo u s hou ld f ee l s om e o f t he s tu ff w e g ot , l ik e G od 's o wn m ir ac le u nd er y our

    fingers. Andhoo, t he r ar e, s we et s me ll w ha t c om e o ff a b ol t o f n ew f ab ri c. " H e l au gh ed j us t r em em be ri ng .

    " Th e w ho le s ho p s me ll s n ew , d on 't y ou t hi nk ? L ik e b ee sw ax a nd v ar ni sh . N o" i t w as s o t ru e t ha t i tm ad e h im g ri n f or h av in g t ho ug ht o f i t "l ik e f resh -p ri nt ed m on ey , etched and w at er mark ed ." I t w as a

    s mell h e k new f ro m h el pi ng h is f ri en d R ezzo p ri nt n ear- perf ect f ly er s i n t he cel lar o f t he B ul l and T un . N ot

    t ha t h e s pe nt a ny o f t he f al se m on ey h im se lf , b ut R ez zo h ad f if te en c hi ld re n, a nd t he re w as n o o th er w ay

    f or a dus tma n t o f ee d t he m a ll.

    M is s B ol lash 's v oi ce, t ho ug h, w as a l it tl e u ns t eady w hen s he r ep eated, " Et ch ed and w at er mark ed ?" S he

    l et o ut a f ai nt hear ted l au gh b ef or e ask in g, " Wh at d o y ou k no w abo ut f resh -p ri nt ed m on ey ?"

    Di dn' t t ak e hi m a s ec ond t o kn ow h e w as n' t a ns we ri ng t ha t. H e t ur ne d a nd s ai d go od -by e t o t he t ai lo r

    and thank-you-very-kindly to the Lamonts.

    H e a nd M is s B ol la sh s te pp ed o ut i nt o t he s tr ee t, w it h h er e ye ing h im a nd hi m i gn or ing h er . B egg er m e,

    h e t ho ug ht . T here t hey w er e, s tart in g o ut o ff -k il ter. M ag ic, h is t er ri er , p icked u p and f ol lo wed t hem as

    t he y w al ke d s ho ul de r t o s ho ul de r. H e k ep t t hi nk in g, I f h e c ou ld s ee h er f ac e, h e' d k no w b et te r w he re h e

    s tood. B ut he c oul d onl y s ee t he l owe r hal f of it t he br im of he r ha t w as t hat big.

    S he w as s ur e a p uz zl e, E dw in a B ol la sh . H e t ho ug ht s he c ou ld b e p re tt y. I t w as p os si bl e. S he d re ss ed

    n ice. Q uali ty . H er clo th es s ou nd ed p rett y, l ik e r eedy g rass r ub bi ng t og et her i n t he w in d a n oi se t hat

    a lw ay s s en t h im i nt o h ea ve n, s il k o n s il k. H e l ov ed , t oo , t he w ay s he s me lt l ik e s un sh in e or c lo ve r o r

    s om et hi ng . N ot a ll f lo we ry a nd p er fu me y, b ut a l it tl e c lo ud of s me ll a ro un d h er . H e w an te d t o g et c lo se r

    t o i t, s ni ff i t i n, but e ve n he kne w it wa sn' t pol it e. Anyw ay, s he c oul d be p re tt y unde r t ha t ha t. Or not .

    S he w as a l ong gi rl , t ha t wa s c er ta in. I n h er s hoe s he re , s he m us t' ve pus he d s ix f ee t. Al mo st a s t al l a s

    h im . A l ot o f w om an , l en gt hw is e s peak in g. W id th -w is e, t ho ug h, t he t op o f h er w as o n t he s ki nn y s id e.

    L on g b on es , s mall b ri st ol s sw eet t ho ug h, l it tl e d um pl in gs o n h er chest . T he b ot to m o f h er w as n' t s o

    s ki mpy m ayb e. H er b ac ks id e l oo ke d p re tt y f ul l, t ho ug h i t w as h ar d t o t el l w ha t w it h t he w ay f an cy l ad ie s

    padded out their bums these days.

    S he d id n' t h av e a p re tt y w om an 's w ay a bo ut h er . H e c ou ld n' t s ay w hy h e t ho ug ht s o, e xc ep t m ay be h ow

    h er h at t il te d d ow n w he n s he w al ke d. L ik e s he w as l oo ki ng a t t he p av em en t, k ee pi ng t ra ck o f i t t o m ak e

    s ur e i t d id n' t l ea p a wa y f ro m h er . S ma rt s te ps , n o d ou bt s o r d it he rs , b ut t he re w as s om et hi ng n er vy i n h er q ui ck m ov em en t. L ik e a j il l w ho b ee n d ow n t he r at h ol e o nc e t oo o ft en , h e t ho ug ht : k ne w t he j ob , k ne w

    he r par t in it, but knew, too, wha t it wa s like to be bit a nd just coul dn' t get ove r i t. He wonder ed what bit

    her.

    At t he c ar ri age , Mi ck c oul d t el l h e s ur pr is ed he r w he n he he ld out hi s ha nd. H e' d s ee n ge nt s d o i t, s o he

    t ri ed i t o ut .

    H e he lpe d he r i nto a c ar ri age t ha t ha d a ll i ts wi ndow s ope n, t he n got a bonus a s h e f ol lowe d he r i n: a

    cha nce to look close up at her bum, no one to tell him not to. And yess ir, it was all her own, he wa s

    pretty sure. A bottom as round as a pear. It made him smile. Her jacket fanned out into a little ruffle over

    h er b ac ks id e. I t p in ch ed i n a t h er w ai st . P re tt y. M y, o h, m y, h e t ho ug ht , w er en 't t he g en tr y' s c lo th es f ul l o f

    d et ai ls p lain f ol k d id n' t d ream o f go ld b ut to ns , v el vet r ib bo n s ew ed aro un d t he edg es , s ki rt s t he col or o f

    lavender

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    Wait one minute.

    Tall.

    A p ur pl e s ki rt . A nd M is s B ol la sh 's l eg s h er e' d b e l on g.

    D id t hey g o f or ev er ?

    Wo ul d t he re ha ve be en t im e f or h is l eggy l ady t o pu t o n he r d re ss , w al k ove r, a nd or de r t ea ? A s he

    r ea so ne d t hi s o ut , t ho ug h, a no th er w om an w al ke d p as t t he m in a s ki rt w it h a l ot o f d ar k p ur pl e i n

    i t and Mi ck l aug he d a t h im se lf . Af te r w ha t he s aw i n t ha t m ir ro r t hi s mo rn ing , h e m us t ha ve l egs o n h is

    brain, hoping they were walking under every skirt he glanced.

    St il l, a s he s at d ow n op pos it e M is s B ol la sh , he c oul dn' t he lp b ut s ta re a t w he re he r k ne es ma de he r s ki rt

    bend. Yessir, her legs'd be right long. Slender, too. There was no telling, though, how pretty a woman's

    l eg s w er e t il l y ou a ct ua ll y g ot h er u nd re ss ed . H e f ol de d h is a rm s, s at b ac k, a nd s ta re d, s mi li ng . H ew ond er ed i f t he w om an u nde r t ha t h at f an ci ed m ud i n a ny f or m.

    Be si de s a l ot of ha t, s he wa s a l ot of s ki rt s. He r l egs we re bu ri ed un de r f ol ds a nd f ol ds o f t ha t t hi n s or t of

    s tu ff a m an cou ld alm os t s ee t hr ou gh , excep t t here w as eno ug h o f i t h e cou ld n' t s ee t hr ou gh n ot hi ng .

    E dw in a B ol la sh w as l ik e t ha t h er se lf . L ot s of h er , n on e o f i t c om in g t o m uc h. H ar d t o s ee t hr ou gh .

    B ei ng a l on g, t hi n t hi ng l os t i n a p il e o f s ki rt s d id n' t k eep h er f ro m com pl ai ni ng t ho ug h as h ar dy as t he

    Q ueen w it h h er t oes o n f ir e wh en M ag ic j um ped i nt o t he car ri ag e.

    " Ma y a s w el l l et h im r id e, " M ic k s ai d. " He b e t he d am ne de st do g. H e' ll o nl y r un a lo ng si de t il l h e d rop s,

    t he n f in d u s a d ay l at er f rom t he s me ll of t he wh ee ls o r s om et hi ng. "

    S he d id n' t l ik edamnedest a ny mo re t ha n s he l ike d t he do g i n t he c oa ch, b ut s he s et tl ed b ac k a nd l et

    both ride. Magic, Mick could tell, was grateful. It'd been a hell of a day.

    A s t he c oa ch p ul le d a wa y, h e r ea li ze d i t w as f in er t ha n f in e. A ll l ea th er a nd s of t c us hi ons a nd s pr ing s i n

    t he r id e. F un ny t hi ng , i t w as n' t n ea r a s s tr an ge a s h e m ig ht 'v e t ho ug ht t o t ro t o ff i n s uc h a h an ds om e b it o f

    conveyance. Felt good. Felt right. All-bloody-right. Well, Mick thought, who would've predicted? A nice

    c oa ch . H im s it ti ng i n i t a cr os s f rom a l on g pi ec e o f f luf f w ho wa s wi ll in g t o s qua wk o ve r a m an g et ti ng h is

    h ead b as hed i n. H e l ik ed E dw in a B ol lash . G oo d g ir l, t hi s o ne.

    T he t wo bl oke s he di d not li ke a t a ll . He di dn' t k now t he ir ga me , b ut he kne w t he ir ki nd a m il e of f. Not

    t hat h e cou ld s ay a r at catcher d id n' t cal l g en tl em en h um -b ug s. E sp eciall y, M ick s mi led t o h im self , i f t he

    h um -b ug s w er e g oi ng t o p ay f or h im h av in g g en tl em an l es so ns f ro m a s weet l it tl e t each er i n a f an cy d ress

    that made slidingjsh-jsh sounds just sitting there fidgeting.

    He m ade h er ne rvou s. H e s houl d' ve t ri ed t o p ut he r a t e as e, s ai d s ome thi ng, b ut he s or t of l ik ed t ha t s he

    was nervous.

    H e d ecid ed t o m en ti on , " Th ey b e p up pi es , y ou k no w. "

    "Puppies?"

    "Confidence men," he explained.

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    A f ew we ek s. M ic k f rown ed t o h ea r t he l engt h o f t im e. I t s ee me d l ong a ll a t onc e. H e ha d r egu la rs . H e

    h ad n' t t ho ug ht a bo ut t ha t t il l n ow . S om e m ig ht w ai t, b ut s om e f or s ur e w ou ld t ak e t he ir p ro bl em t o

    someone else when they couldn't find him.

    A s h e w al ke d d ow n a h al lw ay w it h s ma ll m ar bl e s ta tu es i n t he n ic he s o f w al ls c ove re d i n f ad ed g re en

    s il k a crawl y f eeli ng t ickl ed u p h is s pi ne. T he w ay i t d id s om et im es w hen h e s tart ed t o s mell m or e u nd er t he p la nks of a j ob t ha n he 'd c ou nt ed on .

    M il to n, t he b lo ke w ho o pe ne d t he d oo r a nd l oo ke d o ld a s E de n, w as s ay in g t o M is s B ol la sh , " Mr s.

    R ee d j us t l ef t, y ou r l ad ys hi p, b ut I c an m ak e u p t he r oo ms . A nd L ad y K at he ri ne i s i n t he s ol ar iu m. S he 's

    arr iv ed ear ly f or h er l es so n. "

    "T ha nk y ou . I 'l l g et t o he r i n a f ew m inu te s. " M is s B ol la sh s li d he r g lo ve of f a s s he s ai d t o M ic k, " Mi lt on

    w il l t ak e y ou r, u m t ab lecl ot h. T hen, i f y ou 'l l f ol lo w m e, I 'l l s ho w y ou u ps tair s. "

    R oo ms . S he m ea nt i t. T wo o f ' em . I n C or nw al l, M ic k' d s ha re d o ne r oo m, s ma ll er t ha n t he b ed ro omh er e, w it h h is f iv e b ro th er s. H is b ed i n L on do n w as i n a c el la r. I n t hi s ho us e t ho ug h, i f h e u nd er st oo d

    r ig ht , he g ot a b ig r oo m w it h a f ou r- po st er i n i t t o h im se lf h e a sk ed i f he s ha re d i t w it h M il to n, b ut t he

    ans w er w asnoa nd a r oo m c on ne ct ed t o t he be dr oo m t ha t h ad a d es k, p ap er , p en s, i nk , l ot s o f s tu ff .

    A nd o f c ou rs e m or e b oo ks .

    I t m ad e h im s to p a nd t hi nk . L oo ki ng a t a n a ct ua l b ed , r oo ms , t hi nk in g o f t he c lo th es , a ll s o d if fe re nt t ha n

    wha t he k new we ll , t he c ra zy, f ool be t, wha t i t r ea ll y me ant , a ll a t onc e s ee me d to ma tt er i n a di ff ere nt

    wa y. No one e ls e ha d th e s ame i nve st me nt a s hi m. A bi t of mone y. S ome p ri de . A nd M is s Bol la sh wa s

    k ee n f or b oo ki sh r ea so ns , t oo . B ut h im w hy , t he y w er e a ll t al ki ng a bo ut c ha ng in g h ow h e w as .

    Wh at ki nd of m an , he w on de re d, s le pt on a be d t ha t ha d c ur ta ins o n i t a nd a s ki rt a rou nd i ts l eg s?

    A ma n, he f igu re d, w ho be tt er ge t by t o f ee d t he o the r dog s a nd f er re ts , t he n s ee i f R ez zo w oul d w at ch

    ove r t hem t ill t ill w hat eve r i t wa s he wa s doi ng he re c ame t o wha te ve r e nd i t did. A m an wi th a c as e of

    n er ve s, h e g ue ss ed , a nd a f ew a rr an ge me nt s t o m ak e.

    S om et im es M ic k d re am ed o f a f an cy l if e. ( Mo ne y a nd l eg s. H e w ou ld h av e b ee n e mb ar ra ss ed t o t el l

    anyone how common-minded his ambitions were.) He always felt guilty doing it. Disloyal or something.

    H e w as a w or ki ng ma n. A g oo d, s ol id m an o f t he w or ki ng c la ss . H e d id n' t t hi nk f an cy f el lo ws w er e

    h ap pi er t ha n h im . D id n' t t hi nk t he y w er e n ic er t o t he ir f am il ie s o r t ha t G od ga ve t he m a n e as ie r t im e o f i t.

    The y s ti ll go t s ic k or l am e or di ed, j us t l ike e ve ryone e ls e. So why wa s he he re ?

    A si de f ro m a h un dr ed a nd t we nt y p ou nd s, t we nt y o f w hi ch h e a lr ea dy h ad i n h is p oc ke t th e t ot al b ei ng

    more than he made in a year?

    H e l au gh ed at h im self . T hat w as w hy . H el l, h e s ur e d id n' t h av e d ream s t hat t ur ni ng h im self i nt o a

    g en tl em an f or a f ew w ee ks w as g oi ng t o m ak e h im a b et te r m an s om eh ow . N o, s ir , i t w ou ld n' t.

    Bu t t he l if e n ob s l ed s ee me d e as ie r, h e a dm it te d. I t s me ll ed b et te r m ay be . T he y h ad t im e t o t hi nk a bo ut

    t hi ng s. I s t ha t w ha t h e w an te d? W as t ha t t he r ea so n h e d re am ed o f a r ic h l if e s om e n ig ht s? T im e t o t hi nk ?

    M ea nw hi le , a ll h e s ee me d t o h av e h er e w as t im e t o b e s ur pr is ed . A no th er d oo r, o ne t ha t h e t ho ug ht

    o pe ne d i nt o t he h al l, o pe ne d i nt o a l oo , a nd n ot j us t a h ol e i n t he f lo or n ei th er . T he re w as a f lu sh -t oi le t

    w it h a c ha in t o p ul l o n. A nd b loo dy h el l, t he re w as a no th er pu ll o ve rh ea d t ha t m ad e l ig ht c om e o n.

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    E lect ri ci ty . H e' d s een t hat o nce i n a b ui ld in g h e r at ted o ver n ear P ar li am en t. M is s B ol lash 's w ho le h ou se

    ha d i t, n ot a c an dl e or g as l am p a nywh er e t o b e f ou nd.

    She s how ed hi m a ll thi s i n the t im e it t ook for he r to pul l off he r ot he r glove a s she wa lke d he r qui ck

    w al k a nd p oi nt ed a t r oo ms . T he n, i n h is n ew s it ti ng r oom , s he s ai d, " Do y ou n ee d a ny th in g I h ave n' t

    t ho ugh t o f? W il l i t d o t he n? " S he w as i n t he d oo rw ay, a bo ut t o l ea ve h im h er e.

    H e t ri ed t o s oun d c hi ppe r. " Not a t hi ng, l ove . C oz y a s a m ou se i n a c hu rn." Bu t he w as n' t c hi ppe r.

    "Love," she said.

    He s mi le d, l oo ki ng a t a t al l, t hi n w om an i n a b ig h at . R igh t f ri en dl y of h er . A bo ut t ime .

    B ut t hen s he r ui ned i t. S he exp lain ed , " Yo u s ai dl o o v. It'sl o v e . "

    H e f ro wn ed , f eeli ng add led b y a l ot o f cor rect in g w it ho ut m uch u nd er st an di ng d ol ed o ut .

    S he s to od t he re . S he w as n' t b ei ng n as ty , h e d id n' t t hi nk . H ar d t o t el l. M or e l ik e s he w as s iz in g h im u p. I t

    wa s a ne rvy f ee li ng, be ing s iz ed up by a ha t tha t l ooked r ight at hi m, be ing s poke t o by a m out h wi th no

    e ye s. W ha t w as w ro ng w it h h er ? h e w on de re d. W er e he r e ye s c ros se d? W as s he b ug -e ye d?

    She was ugly, he dec ided. Ha d t o be a fr ight to wear her hat all the t ime.

    " We'l l w or k o n i t, t ho ug h, " s he s ai d. " We'l l s tart i n t he m or ni ng . I h av e s tu dent s t hi s eveni ng ." T hen s he

    t ur ned again and cal led o ver h er s ho ul der, " Mi lt on ? M r. T remo re w il l h av e a b at h n ow . W il l y ou p leas e

    dr aw i t. And s ee t o a s ha ve f or hi m. Ta ke of f t he mu st ac he ."

    M ic k b li nke d, t he n s no rt ed . H e w ent a s f ar a s t he d oor wa y, l oo ki ng a t t he ba ck o f h er . S he w as a t t hes ta ir s i n a s ec on d, on he r wa y do wn. H el l, w ha t wa s t hi s? Ev en he k ne w ge nt s w or e mu st ac he s. And he

    w as n' t h avi ng n o b at h. H e m ig ht 'v e s ai d, b ut s he w as g oi ng a t he r f as t c li p, a w om an w it h t he d ev il on h er

    t ai l, n ot l oo ki ng b ack. H er h at d is ap pear ed i nt o t he s tair well . H el l. A ll r ig ht t hen, h e' d s et tl e w it h o ld

    Milton.

    A s i t t ur ne d o ut , t ho ug h, t he f el lo w w as a s s tu bb or n a s M ag ic .

    " If M is s B ol la sh s ay s y ou' re t o t ake a ba th, " o ld Mi lt on s ai d wi th a p oke , pok e Mi ck t oo k h ol d of h is

    f in ge r t o s to p i t "t he n y ou 'l l h av e a b at h, s ir ." W it h a b ig , s ti rr ed -u p s ho w o f d is gu st , h e a dd ed , " Ju st

    look at yourself!"

    Now , M ic k wo ul dn' t mi nd c le an ing up . He 'd s or t of ha d t ha t i n mi nd. I t' d be en a ha rd da y. But h e w as n' t

    d oi ng h is p ri vate t oi lett e t he w ay M il to n w an ted h im t o, and n ot h ow M is s F an cy -S ki rt s w an ted n ei th er ,

    f or t ha t m at te r. T oo p er so na l. B ei ng a r ea so na bl e f el lo w, t ho ug h, a nd j us t t o b e n ic e, h e l et M il to n p ul l

    hi m i nt o t he r oom t o s how hi m t he t ub the b loke w as s o bl oody pr oud of i t. A bi g, whi te , c la w- foot

    t hi ng t ha t w as j us t f or b at hi ng a b od y. T he d am ne de st w as te . M ic k c ou ld 'v e w as he d a m on th 's l au nd ry i n

    it.

    " R ig ht n ice, " h e t ol d M il to n w it h r eal w on der i n h is v oi ce.

    Things degenerated from here, though.No, sir d id n' t s lo w t he o ld f el lo w d ow n.Not on your life, Cap'n

    didn't give him the hint.Not me. Not Mick. A nd s ti ll t ha t M il to n r an a l ot o f h ot w at er i n t he t ub , t al ki ng

    l ik e M ick w as g oi ng t o h op i n any m om en t. W hen h e s tart ed p ul li ng o n M ick' s clo th es , t ho ug h,

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    w el l Mi ck w as n ot t he s or t t o l et a no th er b lo ke u nd re ss h im f or a ny r ea so n. I t p re tt y m uc h s en t h im

    o ve r t he t op .

    " Si nce y ou l ik e b at hi ng s o m uch, " h e s ai d, " yo u t ry i t. " H e p icked t he f el lo w u p he w as l ig ht eno ug h

    M ic k c ou ld 'v e d on e i t b y a f is tf ul o f c oa t, b ut h e g at he re d t he o ld b lo ke u p r ea l p ol it e an d d um pe d h im

    i nt o t he w at er . C lo th es a nd a ll , a b ig s wo os hi ngka-plosh.

    M ic k wa s ge nt le w it h h im . D idn 't w an t t o h ur t hi m, j us t s or t o f s ho we d h im h e w as n' t ge tt in g i n a ny t ub o f

    h ot w at er , w hi ch w as f in e f or c ar ro ts b ut n ot t he l ik es o f M ic k T re mo re .

    N o s oo ne r d id t he w at er s lo p t o a s ta nd st il l t ha n h e h ea rd M is s B ol la sh , f ee t p ou nd in g u p t he s ta ir ca se ,

    all t ho se s ki rt s chu rn in g. W hen s he b ur st t hr ou gh t he d oo rw ay , t ho ug h, h e w as s tr uck d um b, n ot hi ng t o

    say for himself.

    W el l, w el l, w el l. H is n ew t each er cer tain ly w as n' t u gl y. N o, s ir . S he w as n' t p rett y n ei th er exact ly , b ut

    wi th he r ha t of f, G od bl es s he r, s he wa s s om et hi ng t o l oo k a t.

    H er h ai r w as r ed -g ol d, t hi ck and s hi ni ng . I t l it h er f ace th e w ay l ig ht com in g t hr ou gh a w in do w cou ld

    m ak e a n o rd in ar y r oo m g lo w l ik e a c hu rc h. H er s ki n, w hi te a s m il k, w as d us te d w it h p al e f re ck le s, l ik e

    s he be en po wd er ed wi th go ld d us t. F re ck le s s o c lo se a nd s o m an y o f ' em , h e c ou ld n' t s ee b et we en

    s om e. S he h ad b ig , r ou nd eyes o r, n o, m ay be t hey w er e j us t s tart l ed . T hey b li nk ed b eh in d eyegl as s es .

    Bu t t he be st t hi ng a bou t h er f ac e wa s h er n os e. I t w as l ong a nd t hi n a nd c ur ve d l ik e a b la de , a s tr ong

    n os e an d a g ood -s iz ed on e, t oo, f or s uc h a t hi n wo ma n. I f s he 'd he ld h er he ad u p a b it a nd s how ed i t

    o ff , h e' d' ve s ai d i t g iv e h er r ea l c ha ra ct er .

    T ho ug h, g iv en t he c au ti on i n t he e ye s b eh in d M is s B ol la sh 's e ye gl as se s, h e w as b ou nd t o s ay s he d id n' t

    cherish her looks.

    S ti ll , w it h h er h at o ff s he w as a s ig ht . B ri gh t- co lo red, f un ny -l oo ki ng i n a p rett y w ay : l ik e com in g u po n a

    f ai ry i n t he w oo ds .

    A t et ch y f ai ry . S he s ai d, " Oh O h M il to n! A re y ou a ll r ig ht ? W ha t h av e y ou d on e, M r. T re mo re ! I

    could hear your swearing downstairs!"

    Mi lt on a nd M ic k t al ke d a t o nc e.

    " Al l I d on e w as p ro tect m es el f f ro m h is s li my f in gers "

    " Yes, I 'm w et , b ut f in e "

    " I a in 't s wi mm in g i n no b lo od y t ub . N o o ne m en ti on ed n o t ub o f w at er t od ay "

    " If I ma y s ay s o, your l adys hi p, the ma n be longs i n a z oo, not a ba tht ub "

    " No t f or no h un dr ed q ui d do I l et s om e ol ' s od "

    "Enough!" she said. "Enough of your oaths and fulminations, Mr. Tremore."

    U ng ratefu l w om an . M ick s ucked h im self u p, s qu ar ed h is s ho ul ders , and , t ry in g t o h ol d b ack f ro m y el li ng ,

    t ol d h er , " I' ll h av e y ou k no w, d uck, i f i t w as n' t f or m e ' fu lm in at io ns ,' as y ou cal l ' em " he m im icked t he

    w or d, t on e f or t on e, t ho ug h h e c ou ld o nl y g ue ss w ha t i t m ea nt " I' d be s ta nd in g h er e i n t he r ud e w it h m e

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    widge hanging out."

    T ha t c au gh t he r ba ck. H er b ig e ye s gr ew. T he y go t a s w id e a nd r oun d a s bl ue s auc er s.

    G ood. Wh il e he ha d he r qui et , he d rove ho me h is poi nt . " You c an' t te ll me no g ent s oa ks i n w at er l ike a

    plucked chicken, like he was dinner"

    " Mr . T remo re, g en tl em en m os t cer tain ly d o t ak e a b at h "

    "And how do you know? You e ve r s ee n one take a ba th?"

    S he b li nk ed , s cr un ch ed u p h er f re ck le d b ro w, t he n s wu ng h er e ye s o nt o t he d ri pp in g f el lo w w ho w as

    c li mb in g o ve r t he e dg e o f t he t ub . S he a sk ed , " Yo u yo u t ak e a b at h, d on 't y ou , M il to n? "

    "Indeed, madam. Though usually I remove my clothes first."

    "Which explains," Mick pointed out, "why he's so wrinkled and stiff-looking. Too much water"

    T he o ver- wash ed s er vant con ti nu ed t o m ut ter com pl ai nt s, b ut s he i gn or ed h im . S