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Joke A Day's Little Johnny Jokes -- www.jokeaday.com Little Johnny Jokes Ray Owens www.jokeaday.com Click For Hilarious Blooper Movies at RachylRaw.com! Rachyl Raw Porn Bloopers - http://www.rachylraw.com/

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Page 1: Johnny Jokes

Joke A Day's Little Johnny Jokes -- www.jokeaday.com

Little Johnny Jokes Ray Owens

www.jokeaday.com

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Page 2: Johnny Jokes

Joke A Day's Little Johnny Jokes -- www.jokeaday.com

One evening, Little Johnny was with his mother in the bath. He pointed at his mother's breasts and asked what they were. She told him that they were balloons and if someone tried to blow them up, they'd go up in the air, straight to heaven. About two days later, Johnny ran into the kitchen and screamed, “Mother, mother, come and look! Sister is dying!” “Why?” asked his mother. “Because her boyfriend is on top of her, blowing up her balloons, and she's screaming, ‘Oh God, I'm coming.’”

A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, “I need a man, I need a man!” Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, and started stroking himself and moaning: “I need a bike! I need a bike!”

Little Johnny was sitting on his porch, stirring a bucket of shit. Along came the mailman and he asked, “What you got there?” To which Little Johnny replied, “Bucket of shit.” The mailman then asked Little Johnny what he was making, and Little Johnny said, “A mailman.” The mailman was appalled by this, and went to tell the fireman. The fireman went to Little Johnny and asked, "What you got there?" Little Johnny replied, “Bucket of shit.” The fireman asked Little Johnny what he was making, and Little Johnny said, “A fireman.” The mailman and the fireman were furious at Little Johnny and went to tell the policeman. The policeman went to Little Johnny and asked, “What you got there?” To which Little Johnny once again replied, “Bucket of shit.” The policeman then said, “Let me guess, you're making a policeman.” Little Johnny said, “No, don't got enough shit!”

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Page 3: Johnny Jokes

Joke A Day's Little Johnny Jokes -- www.jokeaday.com

Little Johnny and Little Mary were walking home from school one day. As they walked along, they saw two dogs knotted up along the side of the road, fucking. “What are they doing, Johnny?” Mary asked. Well, Little Johnny, being a man of the world for all his 12 years, knew what they were doing but was embarrassed to say it, so he said, “Well, he's scaring her.” Little Mary said, “Oh.” They walked a little farther and Little Mary said, “Scare me, Little Johnny.” Well, Little Johnny thought, ‘What the Hell’, so he took her into the bushes and “scared” her. After they were finished, they started walking home again. Pretty soon, they walked past a stallion mounting a mare in the field. “What are they doing, Little Johnny?” she asked. “Well, he's scaring her.” So Little Mary said, “Scare me again, Johnny.” Well, Little Johnny took her into the bushes and “scared" her again. After they were finished, they started walking home again. Pretty soon, you guessed it; they saw a bull and a heifer in the field, going at it. “What are they doing, Little Johnny?” she asked again. “Well, he's scaring her,” Little Johnny said. After a few more minutes of walking, Little Mary said, “Scare me again, Little Johnny.” Now Little Johnny, being a little tired by now, had just about had enough, so he yelled out, “Boo, damn it, boo!”

A Sunday school teacher asked her class, “Does anyone know Jesus' Mother's name?” Susie raised her hand and said, “It was Mary.” The teacher said, “Very good Susie. Do you know Jesus' Father's name?” Little Johnny said, “Yes, it was Verg.” The teacher asked how he came up with that answer. He said, “You know, Verg 'n Mary.”

One day Little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he would buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday.

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Page 4: Johnny Jokes

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Johnny's father said, “Johnny, we have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas.” Christmas came around, and Johnny asked again. The father said, “Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that. Ask me again some other time.” Well, about two days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. The father asked him why he was leaving. The boy said, “Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and DAMN if I'll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!”

Mr. Dickson asked his 4th graders one day if anyone knew how to put 2 holes into 1 hole. Since no one was able to answer the question, he told the kids to go home and ask their fathers. They came back the next day and still no one knew the answer. “Look,” said Mr. Dickson while holding his index finger against his thumb, forming a little “zero.” “This is one hole, my nose has 2 holes, and I can put my hand over my nose and make my nose holes appear inside this other hole.” “Aaaaaaahhhhhh,” said the children. The next day, Little Johnny stood up and said, “Mr. Dickson, my daddy wants to know if you know how to put 7 holes in 1 hole.” “Hmmmm,” he thought, “How can you put 7 holes in 1? Well, I'll be darned; I don't know how to do that. Um, did your father tell you how to?” “Yes,” said Little Johnny, “You take a flute and shove it up your ass!”

Little Johnny and Suzy had almost nothing to do one day while in the house playing. All of a sudden, Johnny got this great idea. “Let's take turns sliding down the banister rail!” he said. “Oh no,” said Suzy. “That's way too scary.” “No, it's not,” says Johnny, and proceeds to the top of the stairs.

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Page 5: Johnny Jokes

Joke A Day's Little Johnny Jokes -- www.jokeaday.com

The banister rail is long and very smooth with a beautiful marble ball at its base. Johnny climbs on and down he goes, screaming with excitement as he goes. He jumps off just before he gets to the marble ball at the bottom. “That was great,” he said. “Come on, you try it now.” Suzy still wasn't quite sure that this was a good idea. “No,” she said, “It looks too scary.” “No, it's not,” said Johnny, and away he goes again to the top of the stairs. He climbs on and down he goes again, screaming with the same excitement as he did the first time. He jumps off just before the marble ball at the bottom. “You gotta try this, it's the best,” says Johnny. Well, Little Suzy wasn't one to stay scared for very long and this really did look like fun, so she agreed. To the top of the stairs she goes. She straddles the banister rail, and slowly lets go with her hands. Down she goes, a lot faster than she expected. WHAM! She slams right into the marble ball at the bottom. She climbs off the banister rail and little Suzy is crying so hard and holding her groin, Johnny got a little scared that maybe she had really hurt herself. “Maybe you better let me see,” said Little Johnny. So Suzy lifts her little dress, and pulls down her panties. Little Johnny's face went pale white. “OH MY GOD!” he said. “YOU KNOCKED IT RIGHT OFF!”

Little Johnny had a class about sexuality, and his new teacher gave him some homework about it. Little Johnny writes his homework at the kitchen table, and stops suddenly, and asks his father who happens to walk by: “Dad, do you write 'penis' with one 'n' or with two 'n's?” His father, quite surprised, thinks for a moment. “Son, just put three 'n's, it can't be long enough.”

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, “Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!” The teacher replied, “Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'. Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.”

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Page 6: Johnny Jokes

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Little Johnny thinks for a bit, and then says, “You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!”

This preacher was looking for a good used lawnmower one day. He found one at a yard sale that Little Johnny happened to be manning. “This mower work, son?” the preacher asked. Little Johnny said, “Sure does -- just pull on the cord hard, though.” The preacher took the mower home and when he got ready to mow he yanked and pulled and tugged on that cord. Nothing worked. It wouldn't start. Thinking he'd been swindled, he took the mower back to Little Johnny's house. “You said this would work if I pulled on the cord hard enough.” “Well,” Johnny said, “you need to cuss at it sometimes.” The preacher was aghast. “I've not done that in years!” “Just keep yanking on that cord, Preacher. It'll come back to you.”

A man was walking on the sidewalk and noticed up ahead that Little Johnny was wearing a red fire man's hat and sitting in a red wagon. It appeared that the wagon was being pulled slowly by a large Labrador Retriever. When he got closer to the lad, he noticed that Johnny had a rope tied around the dog's testicles, which probably accounted for why the dog was walking so gingerly. Smiling, he spoke to the little boy, “That's really a nice fire engine you have there, son. But I'll bet the dog would pull you faster if you tied that rope around his neck.” “Yeah,” Johnny replied, “but then I wouldn't have a siren.”

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Page 7: Johnny Jokes

Joke A Day's Little Johnny Jokes -- www.jokeaday.com

One day a 5th grade class was taking a field trip but the weather was extremely bad and the trip was to be delayed and they had to stay in a motel for the night. So Little Johnny was sleeping in the same room as his teacher. In the middle of the night the teacher woke up and was frightened by the sight of Johnny standing right over her. He asked if he could sleep with her cause he couldn't sleep. She said okay, then Johnny asked to lay a little closer and she said okay. Then he asked if he could put his finger in her belly button and she said “NO.” “But my Mommy lets me do it when I can't sleep and it helps.” So the teacher says, “Okay fine, do whatever your mom lets you do.” And a few minutes later, the teacher says, “OH...that's not my bellybutton.” And Johnny says, “That's not my finger.”

Little Johnny's 2nd grade teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet. “Johnny,” she says, “what comes after 'O'?” Johnny says, “Yeah!”

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, “Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?” Little Johnny waves his hand, “Me, miss, me, me!” Teacher says, “All right, Little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?” Little Johnny says, “Mas-tur-bate.” Teacher smiles and says “Wow, Little Johnny, that's a mouthful.” Little Johnny says, “No, miss, you're thinking of a blowjob. I'm talking about a wank.”

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Page 8: Johnny Jokes

Joke A Day's Little Johnny Jokes -- www.jokeaday.com

The Grade 1 concert is fast approaching and Johnny has still not decided what he will do. Little Mary is going to do a piano solo, Timmy will recite a poem, but Johnny can't come up with anything. Finally, his frustrated teacher is relieved when he tells her he has worked out his act. Come the night of the concert, all the proud parents fill the hall and watch as Mary, in her prettiest dress, tinkles the ivories to rapturous applause. Then Timmy steps out in his best suit and recites his poems to the delight of the audience. Finally, out comes Johnny, in check shirt, and denim overalls. He steps up to the microphone and says... “Ladies and Gentlemen. My uncle owns a farm and every holiday I visit him there. Tonight, I would like to share with you my impression of some of the many sounds I hear on my uncle’s farm. Here is the first....’JOHHNY! GET OFF THAT FUCKING TRACTOR!’”

The teacher told her class it was time to tell the new words they had learned during summer vacation. Mary “Beautiful. My daddy bought me a beautiful new puppy.” Timmy: “Terrific. We went on a terrific holiday to the beach!” Johnny: “Contagious.” Teacher: “Now, can you put 'contagious' in a sentence?” “Yes, miss. My Dad saw a man painting the Harbor Bridge. He said 'It'll take that contagious to paint that.'”

Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with friends and relatives. His father tried every way possible to get Johnny to occupy himself...television, ice cream, homework, video games...but the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held.

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Page 9: Johnny Jokes

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The other players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit the game and go home. At this point, the boy's uncle stood up, took Johnny by the hand, and led him out of the room. The uncle soon returned back to the poker table without Johnny, and without comment the game resumed. For the rest of the afternoon, Little Johnny was nowhere to be seen and the card players continued without any further interruptions. After the poker game ended, Johnny's father asked the boy's uncle, “What in the world did you say to Johnny? I haven't heard a peep from him all day!” “Not much,” the boy's uncle replied. “I just showed him how to masturbate.”

Little Johnny is coming home from the store swinging a loaf of bread in one hand and has his other hand in his pants pocket. Along come Priest Joe and he thinks to himself, “This is a good opportunity to say something from the bible to Little Johnny.” He walks up to Little Johnny and says, “I see Little Johnny that you have the Staff of Life in one hand. What do you have in the other?” Little Johnny replies, “A loaf of bread Father.”

Mom took Little Johnny to the doctor for lacerations on his penis. Doc said, “How did such a thing happen?” Johnny said, “It's that damn neighbor girl, Suzy. Her braces are too darned sharp.”

The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their parents did for a living. One little girl said her father was a doctor, another said her mother was an engineer. When it was Little Johnny's turn, he stood up and said, “My mom's a whore.” Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office. Then, 15 minutes later, he returned.

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Page 10: Johnny Jokes

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So the teacher asked, “Did you tell the principal what you said in class?” Johnny said, “Yes.” “Well, what did the principal say?” “He said that every job is important in our economy, gave me an apple and asked for my phone number.”

Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in, “Hey, Pop! What are you doin'?” His father says, “Son, I'm filling your mother's tank.” Johnny says, “Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning.”

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed Little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said quietly, “Good morning, son.” “Good morning, pastor,” replied the young man not taking his eyes off the plaque. “Sir, what is this?” Johnny asked. “Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service,” replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque. Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, “Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30?”

A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell 'before'. He stands up and says, “Before, B-E-P-H-O-R.”

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Page 11: Johnny Jokes

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The teacher says, “No, that's wrong. Can anyone else spell before?” Another little boy stands up and says, “Before, B-E-F-O-O-R.” Again the teacher says, “No, that's wrong.” The teacher asks, “Little Johnny, can you spell 'before'?” Little Johnny stands up and says, “Before, B-E-F-O-R-E.” “Excellent, Johnny, now can you use it in a sentence?” Little Johnny says, “That's easy. Two plus two be fore.”

A young female teacher is giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one day. It is a large assignment so she starts writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly, there is a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turns and asks, “What's so funny Pat?” “Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.” “Get out of my classroom,” she yells. “I don't want to see you for three days.” The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly, there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, “What's so funny Billy?” “Well miss, I just saw both of your garters.” Again she yells, “Get out of my classroom!” This time the punishment is more severe. “I don't want to see you for three weeks.” Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the chalk when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time, there is a burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom. “Where do you think you are going?” she asks. “Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over.”

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Page 12: Johnny Jokes

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A nursery school teacher asks her class, “Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?” First, a little girl says, “The sky is definitely blue.” The teacher says, “Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange, or many other colors.” Next, a little boy says, “Trees are definitely green.” The teacher replies, “Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown.” From the back of the classroom, Little Johnny stands up and asks, “Does a fart have lumps?” The teacher looks horrified and says, “Johnny! Of course not!” “OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants.”

One day, during English class, the teach says, “Who can tell me the meaning of 'indifferent'?” The class fidgets a little, and they all look at one another. No one knows. Finally, Little Johnny sticks up his hand. The teacher, hesitant, calls on him. “Yes, Johnny?” “Teach, it means 'lovely'.” Relieved, but a little puzzled, the teacher says, “Johnny, can you explain why you think 'indifferent' means 'lovely'?” “Sure, teach. Last night when I was in bed, I heard Mom say, 'That's lovely.' Dad replied to her, 'Yep, it's in different.'”

The visiting church school supervisor asks Little Johnny during Bible class who broke down the walls of Jericho. Little Johnny replies that he does not know, but it definitely is not him.

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Page 13: Johnny Jokes

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The supervisor, taken aback by this lack of basic Bible knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident. The principal replies that he knows Little Johnny as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them, if Little Johnny said that he did not do it, he as principal is satisfied that it is the truth. Even more appalled the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story. After listening, he replies: “I cannot see why you are making such a big issue out of this; we will get three quotations and fix the damned wall.”

Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, “Grandpa, are you going to take that new Viagra?” Grandpa looks at him and says, “No Johnny, I will not.” "But Grandpa, why?” asks Little Johnny. Grandpa replies, “Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one worth writing to.”

A young teacher was trying to teach her six-year-old charges about sharing. In the midst of doing so, she said that no one had everything they wanted. At this point, a young arm was energetically pumping at the back of the class. She tried to ignore him, but Little Johnny started saying, “Oh miss, oh miss!” with his arm pumping. “Yes, Johnny, what is it?” she asked, trying to remain calm. Little Johnny stood up and proclaimed to the class, “At our house, we have everything.” “Don't be silly,” the teacher replied, “not even the richest man has everything.” “We do,” he answered, “My daddy said so the other day.”

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Page 14: Johnny Jokes

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“Now, why would your father say such a thing?” she asked. “Well, my fifteen-year-old sister came home with her skinhead boyfriend, and told poppa she was pregnant. That's when my dad said, ‘God, that's all we needed.’”

The teacher spent the entire hour reading to her class about the bison family. When she had finished, she said, “Name some things that are very dangerous to get near to and have horns.” Little Johnny spoke up without hesitation, “Automobiles?”

Little Johnny was in his math class one day when the teacher singled him out. “If I gave you $200,” the teacher began, “and you gave $50 to Mary, $50 to Sally and $50 to Susan, what would you have?” “An orgy,” Johnny answered.

A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. “I don't want to know!” Little Johnny said, bursting into tears. Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “for me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you're telling me now that grownups don’t really fuck, I've got nothing left to believe in!”

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Page 15: Johnny Jokes

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Little Johnny kept disrupting his third grade class by regularly letting loud farts. His teacher kept him after school. When she insisted on knowing why he exhibited such offensive behavior, Little Johnny said, “I do it because I can do it better than anybody, and I'm very proud of that fact.” The teacher said, “If I show you I can do it better than you, will you stop?” Little Johnny agreed and the teacher placed two pieces of paper on the floor with identical piles of chalk dust on each one. Johnny dropped his pants, squatted down, farted and blew all but a tiny little speck of dust off the paper. The teacher dropped her panties, lifted her skirt, squatted down and farted. When she was done, there was not a trace of chalk dust left on the paper. Johnny was astonished and asked if he could see her do it again. She was willing and as she repeated the process, Johnny peeked up underneath her skirt. “No wonder you won!” he exclaimed indignantly. “You've got a Double-Barrel!”

A teacher puts a photograph of a tomcat on the blackboard, and proceeds to ask the class if they can tell her how the tail is attached to the cat. Little Mary has the first attempt and answers, “By fur, Miss?” The teacher replies, “Not quite right Mary, but a good try.” Meanwhile all during the lesson Little Johnny is sitting in the back raising his hand in the air saying “Me, Miss!” “Me, Miss!” The next student the teacher picks is Peter, and he answers, “Is it attached by skin, Miss?” The teacher replies, “Not quite right either, Peter. Anybody else want to try?” Finally, the teacher had no choice but to pick Little Johnny. She says to Johnny, “What do you think the tail is attached by?” Johnny replies, “Judging by the size of those nuts on the cat... I'd say it would have to be bolted on!”

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Page 16: Johnny Jokes

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Little Johnny is standing on the platform at the railway station. His mother thinks he's standing a bit close to the edge, so she says, “Hey Johnny, get back away from the edge before a train comes by and sucks you off.” At this, Little Johnny smiles and yells out, “C'mon train!”

In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about materials. So, she stood in the front of the class and said, “Children, if you could have one raw material in the world what would it be?” Little Stevie raised his hand and said, “I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche.” The teacher nodded and called on little Susie. Little Susie said, “I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette.” The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, “I would want silicone.” The teacher said, “Why Johnny?” He responded by saying, “Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!”

One day, Little Susie got her “monthly bleeding” for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with Little Johnny. Having found Johnny, she told and showed him what her problem was. Johnny's face grew serious and he said, “You know, I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!”

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One day, the teacher asked the children in class to give examples of what was not good to put in one's mouth. Little Johnny says, “It is not good to put a lit light bulb in one's mouth.” The teacher says, “That is correct, but why?” Little Johnny answers, “I don't know, but my mom always tells my dad, ‘Turn off the light before you put it in my mouth!’”

Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, “I'll be playing in my room for the next two hours. I sure would like a piece of cake when you're finished.” Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cooled cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, “Golly, it worked!” Puzzled, his mother asked, “What do you mean?” Little Johnny replied, “Daddy said that in order to get a piece around here, you have to spend a couple of hours playing first!”

Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, “Where'd we get him?” His mother replied, “He came from heaven, Johnny.” Johnny says, “WOW! I can see why they threw him out!”

A young pretty female schoolteacher had been telling her class about the value of being observant and said, “Now children, look at the clock; what does the clock have that I have, too?”

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One little girl stood up and said, “It has a face.” Another girl raised her hand and said, “It has hands.” “Splendid,” said the teacher, “now what has the clock that I haven't got?” After a long silence, Little Johnny rose and said, “You ain't got no pendulum, Miss.”

Little Johnny was in school one day when the teacher brought around cookies for snack time. “Here, Little Johnny, have a cookie.” “I don't fucking want one,” declared Johnny. The teacher was shocked. She called Little Johnny's mother and scheduled her to come in for a meeting the next day. When Little Johnny's mother arrived, the teacher had her hide behind the curtain until snack time came around. As she came to Little Johnny, she again told him, “Here Little Johnny. It's time for your cookie.” “I don't fucking want one,” stated Little Johnny again. The teacher pulled aside the curtain and said to his mother, “See? Did you hear what he said?” “So?” said his mother. “Don't fucking give him one.”

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. “Why do you do that, Mom?” “To make myself beautiful,” she answered. She then began to remove the cream with a tissue. “What's the matter?” Johnny started. “Giving up?”

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Page 19: Johnny Jokes

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Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result, seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office. When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father, who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest. This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, “It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size.”

Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. “Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?” he asked his mother. “He thinks a lot,” replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness. Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and asked, “So why do you have so much hair?”

Mother: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you? Little Johnny: You said it was my lunch money.

Little Johnny and his little sis are reading the book “Life of Animals.” Suddenly they jump from the couch and run to their grandmother. “Grandma, grandma, can you have children?” they asked. “Oh my dear, of course not, certainly not,” she replied. Johnny turns to his little sis and says triumphantly, “I told you she's a male!”

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Joke A Day's Little Johnny Jokes -- www.jokeaday.com

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time, and she asked, “My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?” Little Johnny in the front row proudly said, “You're a mother!”

Little Johnny was sitting in the courtyard turning a bottle of liquid back and forth, watching the bubbles. A priest walked up and asked, “What are you doing?” Little Johnny replied, “I'm looking at the most powerful liquid in the world.” The priest said, “But Johnny, Holy Water is the most powerful liquid in the world. Did you know that if you put Holy Water on a pregnant woman's belly, she will pass a boy?” Little Johnny said, “Big deal! This is turpentine. If you put this on a cat's ass, he'll pass a Harley Davidson!”

Little Johnny had never had sex in his life, so his buddy Billy told him that he'd take him to a girl that would teach him a few things. He agrees. Later, Little Johnny's in a room with the girl. She takes off her clothes, and asks him, “Do you know what I want?” Little Johnny says, quite honestly, “No.” She lies down on the bed, and asks him the same question again. Again he answers, “No.” Now, she's not sure exactly what to do, so she spreads her legs all the way spread-eagle! She asks, “Now do you know what I want?” Little Johnny answers, “Yeah. You want the whole damned bed to yourself.”

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Page 21: Johnny Jokes

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Little Johnny was having problems in English class, so his teacher decided to stop by on her way home to speak with his parents. When she rang the bell, Little Johnny answered. “I'd like to talk to your mother or father,” she said. “Sorry, but they ain't here.” “Little Johnny!” she said, “what is it with your grammar?” “Beats me,” he replied, “but dad sure was mad that they had to go bail her out again!”

Little Johnny drew a fly on the class grade book. Miss Baker saw the fly sitting on the notebook and slammed it with a ruler. The fly didn't fly away. So she slammed the log once again, and again the fly didn't fly away. This drove Miss Baker really mad, so she started to pound the log with the ruler and, as a result, the grade book became a bunch of torn sheets of paper. With the class laughing, she realized what had happened. Then Miss Baker called Little Johnny's father to school. “You see what your son did to our class grade book?” she said. “That's nothing,” replied the father. “Last month, he drew a naked woman on a fence and for two weeks straight I was pulling splinters out of my dick.”

Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this. Johnny's hand shoots up. “Not correct, Miss!” he says. “Please explain, Johnny,” replies the teacher.

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Page 22: Johnny Jokes

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“Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah. The neighbors' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went ‘ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!’ and before he could say ‘FUCK OFF!’ the dog ate him!”

Little Johnny's teacher was asking all the kids in the class what their parents did for a living. Little Mary got up and said, “My dad is a pilot and my mom is an architect.” “That's great,” replied the teacher. Little Michael got up and said, “My dad is a doctor and my Mom is a lawyer.” “Excellent!” the teacher said. And on it went, until Little Johnny stood up and said, “My mom is a substitute.” The teacher knew Little Johnny's family well and said, “Don't you mean she's a *prostitute*?” “No, teach. Sis is a prostitute. When she's on the rag, my mom substitutes.”

The teacher says, “Okay, class, we're going to play a game today. I want everyone to give me a sentence with the word 'perhaps' in it.” Claude says, “Perhaps if we are good, the teacher won't give us any homework.” The teacher says, “Very good, Claude.” Mary says, “The sky is very dark... perhaps it's going to rain.” The teacher says, “Very good, Mary.” She calls on Little Johnny in the back. “Johnny?" Johnny says, “Yesterday, when I got home from school, my sister and her music teacher both had their pants down to their ankles. Perhaps they were gonna shit on the piano.”

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Page 23: Johnny Jokes

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Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally, his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. “So how was it?” his mother asked when they returned home. “Great,” Little Johnny replied. “Did you and your father have a good time?” asked his mother. “Yeah, Daddy especially liked it,” exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, “especially when one of the animals came racing home at 30 to 1!”

Little Johnny was walking along the railroad tracks when suddenly, he got his foot caught under one of the railroad ties. He tried to get it out but it was really stuck. As he struggled to free his foot, he heard a noise and turned around. To his horror, he saw a train coming. Panicked, he started to pray, “God, please get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop being bad!” Nothing happened, his foot was still stuck. He looked up to see the train getting closer! He prayed again, “God, please get my foot out and I'll stop swearing AND being bad!” Still nothing, his foot was wedged tight. The train was just seconds away! Little Johnny struggled frantically as the train's horn blared. He tried his plea one more time, “God, please, if you get my foot out of the tracks, I'll quit being bad, I'll stop swearing, AND I'll stop trying to look up little Mary's dress.” Just as the train was about to hit Johnny, his foot broke free and he fell backwards, the train narrowly missing him. He got up, dusted himself off, looked toward Heaven and said, “Thanks anyway God, I got it myself.”

Little Johnny farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out. He goes and sits outside the class, but he can't stop laughing. The principal walks by and sees him sitting outside laughing and he says, “Little Johnny what are you doing sitting here laughing?”

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Page 24: Johnny Jokes

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Little Johnny says, “I farted in class and the teacher threw me out.” The principle says, “Well, then why are you laughing?” Little Johnny says, “Cause the dumb idiots are sitting in the class smelling my fart and here I am outside in this beautiful weather.”

Little Johnny and two of his friends were sitting on a front porch one day after school. Billy looked down the street and saw a bright red Corvette. “Some day I'm gonna be a lawyer so I can buy me one of those Corvettes,” he said. Robbie looked over at the driveway next to the Corvette and saw a brand new Ferrari. “I'm gonna be a doctor,” he said, “so I can get me a fast Ferrari.” Little Johnny looked over at the other two and replied, “I'm gonna learn how to suck dick when I grow up.” The other two jaws dropped. “That's what my sister does, and she owns both of those cars,” explained Little Johnny.

Little Johnny paints a sign: WE MOVE ANYTHING FOR A DIME; then tells his buddy Roy to get his fire-wagon and both sit under a shade tree in Little Johnny's front yard, waiting for business. Kathy, across the street, is not to be outdone. Her sign says WE MOVE ANYTHING FOR A NICKEL; she tells Nellie to get her fire-wagon and both sit in Kathy's yard. Johnny's pissed. How DARE that GIRL? Then, a flash and Johnny hauls Roy across the street. “Let's get some laughs.” Johnny asked Kathy, “Say, you move ANYTHING?” “Sure, Johnny. Give me a nickel and I'll prove it to you.” Johnny hands her a nickel. Kathy then says, “So, what do you want moved, Johnny?” “Ha! I want you to move my BOWELS!” Johnny starts cracking up laughing.

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Page 25: Johnny Jokes

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Kathy thinks for a few seconds. She then turns to Nellie and softly says, “Here, Nellie, hold this nickel while I beat the shit out of this kid.”

Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, “Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, make you fat.” Little Johnny replied, “My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.” The man asked, “Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?” Little Johnny answered, “No, he minded his own fucking business!”

George Bush is out jogging one morning and notices Little Johnny on the corner with a box. Curious, he runs over to Little Johnny and says, “What's in the box, kid?” Little Johnny says, “Kit tens, they're brand new kittens.” George Bush laughs and says, “What kind of kittens are they?” “Republicans,” says Little Johnny. “Oh that's cute,” he says and he goes on his way. A couple of days later, George Bush is running with his buddy Dick Cheney and he spies Little Johnny with his box just ahead. George Bush says to Dick, “You gotta check this out,” and they both jog over to Little Johnny. George Bush says, “Look in the box Dick, isn't that cute? Look at those little kittens. Hey, kid, tell my friend Dick what kind of kittens they are.” Little Johnny replies, “They're Democrats.” “Whoa!” George Bush says, “I came by here the other day and you said they were Republicans. What's up?” “Well,” Little Johnny explains, “their eyes are open now.”

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Page 26: Johnny Jokes

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Little Johnny asked and received help from a librarian on how to use the card catalog. In a little while, he approached the librarian again, wanting to know how to spell “tequila”. “T-e-q-u-i- l-a,” spelled the librarian, and Little Johnny thanked her and went back to his search. A short time later he came to the desk, looking quite distraught. “I just can’t find it,” he said. “What book are you looking for?” the librarian asked. Replied Little Johnny, “Tequila Mockingbird.”

Little Johnny hears the word whorehouse in school and asks his father what it means. His father is quite shocked, and replies, “Well, uh, you go there to, uh, have a good time.” Johnny starts screaming and hollering that he wants to go there, too, but his father insists that he's too young. Saturday night rolls around. Johnny's dad and a few of his friends head out to Mable's (“Liquor In the Front, Poker in the Rear! -- Our Customers Come First!”) for a “good time”. Naturally, Little Johnny tags along secretly. After his dad and his dad's friends have been safely inside for some time, Little Johnny knocks on the door. The Madame opens the door. “Yes?” she asks. “I'm here to have a good time!” The Madame is a little puzzled, but being a kind-hearted soul invites Little Johnny inside. She gives him three donuts and then bids him goodbye. When he gets home, his dad is frantic. (Dad obviously had come and gone at Mable's.) “Where have you been?” “I went to a WHOREHOUSE!” Johnny proudly boasted. Johnny's dad blanched. “Uhh, you did? Umm, how was it?”

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Page 27: Johnny Jokes

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“Well, I managed the first two without any problem, but I just licked the third one!”

A third grade teacher always took roll call each morning and had the pupils answer by reciting a short poem. The first kid who sat in the first row was a teacher's pet. He stood and said, “My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can.” The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. She stood up and answered the roll call by stating, “My name is Suzy, and when I become a lady I would like to have a baby . . . if I can, and I think I can.” The next on the list was Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the back of the room. He stood up and said, “My name is Johnny, and I don't give a darn about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I can, and I think I can!”

The minister, all fired up because of recent obvious problems of infidelity, shouted out, “I want everyone who has been he- ing and she- ing to stand up!” Half of his congregation stood up. He then shouted out, “I want everyone who has been he- ing and he- ing to stand up!” A couple of men stood up. He then shouted out, “I want everyone who has been she- ing and she- ing to stand up!” Several women stood up. The minister looked over his congregation and noticed that everyone was standing except Little Johnnie. The minister shouted out, “Brothers and Sisters, look at Little Johnny, can he be the only one without sin? “Little Johnny, stand up. I guess you are the only one here who isn't preoccupied with sex and committing sins. What do you have to say?” Little Johnny replied, “Reverend, you ain't said nothing about me-ing and me-ing!”

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Page 28: Johnny Jokes

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Little Johnny's mother had been away a week at a N.O.W. convention and when she returned home, she was anxious to hear about his week. “Well, one night we had a thunderstorm, and I was scared, so Daddy and me slept together,” said Little Johnny. “Little Johnny!” said the boy's nanny, “Don't you mean ‘Daddy and *I*?’” “No stupid!” replied Little Johnny. “You and Daddy slept together on Thursday. I'm talking about Monday!”

Coming through the door after school one day, Little Johnny hollers out, “Okay, everyone in the house, please be advised that I, Little Johnny, have on this date made a complete fool of myself in sex education class by repeating stories concerning storks as told to me by certain parties residing in this house!”

A Sunday school teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday. The following week she asked each child, in turn what he or she had learned. Susie said, “He was born in a manger.” Bobby said, “He threw the money changers out of the temple.” Little Johnny said, “He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know how to drive it.” Curious, the teacher asked, “And where did you learn that, Johnny?” “From my Daddy,” said Little Johnny. “Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at him, ‘Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to drive?’”

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Page 29: Johnny Jokes

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Little Johnny was late for class, and when he saw that the door was already closed, he opened it and went into the classroom tentatively. He very quietly shut the door and tiptoed to his seat hoping not to get the teacher after him. This upset the teacher, who said him, “Johnny, is this how your father would have come in - late and sneaking to his seat? Go out and try it again, and get it right this time!” So, Little Johnny left the room and shut the door behind him quietly, as he'd come in. Then a moment later, he flung open the door with a clatter and stomped back into the room with a lit cigarette dangling from his lips. He slammed the door behind him, put his cigarette out on the carpet with his foot and said, “So, Honey, didn't expect ME, did ya?”

Little Johnny had just turned six and much to his parents' chagrin, had never spoken. Johnny's Grandpa, a well-known local poker player, was sympathetic to Johnny's plight, and would take Johnny with him whenever possible. One regular bonding between grandpa and grandson was at the Elk's Club Saturday night straight poker game. Johnny would sit on Grandpa's lap and faithfully watch as Grandpa regularly cleaned out the town council members, local attorneys and judges. One Saturday night, Grandpa's cards were running bad. Nothing was working. For the first time, it looked like Grandpa's famous winning streak was about to come to an end. Towards the end of the evening, furious at his run of bad luck, Grandpa folded and threw his cards on the pot in disgust. Johnny looked up at his grandpa and said, “You shouldn't have folded, Grandpa.” Grandpa was stunned. “Johnny, you're six years old, and these are the first words you've ever spoken!” Johnny looked at Grandpa and said, “Well, up 'til now, you've been playing just fine.”

The teacher was discussing different jobs held by the parents of the students.

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When she called on Little Johnny, she asked, “And what does your father do?” “Oh, he's a magician,” replied Johnny. “Really? And what's his best trick?” “His best trick is sawing people in half.” “Wonderful!” exclaimed the teacher. “Tell me, are there any more children in your family?” “Yes ma'am, I have a half brother and two half sisters.”

A schoolteacher asked her class, “What vegetable makes your eyes water?” Little Johnny replied, “Eggplant.” “No, Johnny,” said the teacher, “I believe you are thinking of an onion, aren't you?” “No, ma'am,” answered Johnny. “Ever been hit in the balls with an eggplant?”

Little Johnny was walking down the beach when he spied a matronly woman sitting on the sand under a beach umbrella. He walked up to her and asked, “Are you a Christian?” “Yes,” she replied. “Do you read your Bible every day?” She nodded her head, “Yes.” “Do you pray often?” the boy asked next, and again she answered, “Yes.” With that, he asked his final question, “Will you hold my quarter while I go swimming?”

At Thanksgiving dinner, Little Johnny was asked what he was thankful for.

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Page 31: Johnny Jokes

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He replied, “I'm thankful I'm not a fucking turkey.”

Christmas break was over and the teacher was asking the class about their vacations. She turned to Little Johnny and asked what he did over the break. “We visited my grandmother in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania,” he replied. “That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word,” the teacher said. “Can you tell the class how you spell that?” Little Johnny thought about it and said, “You know, come to think of it, we went to Ohio.”

A grade school teacher asked her class to make a sentence using either of the words “shotgun” or “pistol” in it. Sally got up and said, “My folks are rich and well to do. They have a shotgun and pistol, too!” Then afterwards, Little Johnny was called on. He replied with, “My folks is poor and make home-brew. They drink 'til twelve, then pistol two!”

The teacher asked, “All right children, who can tell me what a chicken gives?” Mary answered, “A chicken gives eggs!” The teacher then asked, “Now who can tell me what a goat gives?” And Paul answered, “A goat gives goat milk!” And finally the Teacher asked, “Well now, who can tell me what the cow gives?” And Little Johnny replied, “Fucking homework and tests!"

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Page 32: Johnny Jokes

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Little Johnny's younger brother, Little Timmy, was opening up his Christmas present on Christmas morning. Inside was a big red fire truck, complete with sirens, a ringing bell, a moving ladder, and firemen that could be positioned all over the truck. “Hey, Johnny, look what Santa brought ME! My fire truck is WAY cooler than anything Santa brought YOU!” Little Johnny replied, “Yeah, but I don't have cancer.”

Little Johnny went up to his Dad and asked, “Hey, Dad, can I have twenty bucks for a blow job?” His Dad responded, “I don't know, son, are you any good?”

A Teacher asks the children to discuss what their Dads do for a living. Little Mary says, “My Dad is a lawyer. He puts the bad guys in jail.” Little Jack says, “My Dad is a doctor. He makes all the sick people better.” All the kids in the class had their turn except Little Johnny. The teacher asks, “Johnny, what does your Dad do?” Johnny says, “My Dad is dead.” “I'm sorry to hear that, but what did he do before he died?” “He turned blue and shit on the carpet.”

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Page 33: Johnny Jokes

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Little Johnny's father sat down next to him on the couch one day and said, “Okay, Johnny, once there was this big, black rooster, and it was sitting on a fence post. How many wings does the rooster have?” Johnny replied, “It has two.” Little Johnny's father then asked, “How many eyes does the rooster have?” Johnny replied, “It has two.” Little Johnny's father then asked, “Well then, how many legs do you think the rooster had?” Johnny replied, “It has two, daddy.” So then, Little Johnny's daddy said, “Well then, a white cat walks up to where the big black rooster is standing on the fence post and opens its mouth to hiss at the rooster. How many teeth does the cat have?” Little Johnny scratched his head and replied, “I don't know daddy, how many teeth does the cat have?” Little Johnny's daddy grabbed him by the arm and exclaimed, “Alright boy, how come you know so much about big black cock and so little about white pussy?”

Tommy, Johnny and Harry were standing around bullshitting about how tough their fathers were. “My dad went 12 rounds with Mike Tyson. Lick that!” said young Harry. “Well, my dad did two tours of Vietnam and killed 19 men... so lick that!” Tommy said. “That's nothing!” declared Little Johnny. “My dad hasn't wiped his ass in 10 years... so lick that!”

A teacher was giving a lesson in sex education to her fourth grade class. After showing a brief film and reading the lesson, she asked if anyone had any questions. One little boy held up his hand shyly. “Teacher, I have a boy dog and he jumps over the fence and wrestles with this girl dog and she has puppies. Is this sex?”

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Page 34: Johnny Jokes

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“Yes, that's sex,” the teacher replied. A little girl raised her hand. “Teacher, I have a girl cat and there's a boy cat that jumps on her out in the yard and they wrestle. Then she has kittens. Is that sex?” “Yes, that's sex,” the teacher replied. Little Johnny then raised his hand. “Teacher, the other night I saw a movie where three guys wrestled with Sylvester Stallone. Is that sex?” “No, that was not sex,” the teacher replied. “Good,” Little Johnny replied. “I always thought it would take more than three guys to fuck Stallone in the ass.”

Little Johnny was walking downtown when a hooker called to him, “Blowjob, five dollars.” He gave her a strange look and kept walking. Soon another girl did the same thing. Confused, he kept walking. The first thing out of his mouth when he returned home was, “Mom, what's a blowjob?” His mom replied, “Five dollars, just like downtown!”

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then she asked the class, “If you saw a person lying on the side of the road, wounded and bleeding, what would you do?” Little Johnny thought for a second, raised his hand, and then said, “I'd probably puke my fucking guts out.”

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Little Johnny was taking confession, when he told the priest that he was having impure thoughts about his sister. “Is this a sin, Father?” he asked. The priest nodded and said, “Yes Little Johnny, indeed it is a sin. Look at the two beautiful brothers you have.”

One day, Little Johnny asked his Mom if she would kiss his cut and make it all better. His mother did. Later, when Johnny fell on his face and scraped his nose, his mommy kissed it. Johnny felt better and ran off with his toys. Then he fell on his butt and ran to his Mom crying. The mother kissed his butt and the boy ran off with his stuffed animal. Later, he came back and told his Mom that his “peanuts” had been bitten and she had to suck the poison out. She pulled down the little boy’s pants and sucked and sucked. Little Johnny said, “No, Mom. ‘Peanuts’ is my stuffed animal.”

As his father came into his bedroom to wish him a good night, Little Johnny told his father, “Daddy, when I grow up, I want to be just like you.” “That's great,” said his dad, patting him on the head. “I'd love to have another lawyer for a son.” “That's not what I mean, Daddy,” said Little Johnny. “I mean I want to fuck Mommy the way you screwed her on the swing set after dinner tonight!”

In biology class, the teacher asked, “Can anyone tell me why a flounder is flat?”

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Little Johnny raised his hand. “Go ahead, Johnny.” “My uncle told me it's because a whale raped the flounder.” “That's terrible, Johnny. I'll have to speak to your parents about this. Let's try another one. Why does a lobster's eyes protrude from its head?” Again, Johnny raises his hand. “We'll give you another chance.” “My uncle said when the whale raped the flounder, the lobster saw it, and his eyes popped out of his fucking head in shock.”

Little Johnny and his best buddy Billy wanted to go fishing, so they got into their boat and headed out into the ocean. After traveling several miles, a very large wave came at them and capsized their small boat. As soon as they got into the water and started to swim, a large shark came by and chewed both of Billy's arms off. Billy yelled at Little Johnny, “I can't swim, a shark bit my arms off!” Little Johnny yelled back, “Try to get on my back and I will swim us over to that island.” So, Billy got on Little Johnny's back and they headed toward the island. After swimming for a long time they finally made it to the beach. Little Johnny got up on the sand and just about passed out from all that hard swimming. He looked at Billy and said, “Damn my ass is sore. I didn't know swimming would make my butt so sore!” And Billy said, “I'm sorry, but that was the only way I could hang on.”

Q. What did Little Johnny's dad catch while fishing at the crematorium lake? A. Little Johnny.

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At Sunday school, the teacher asked Little Johnny, “Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things?” “Sure,” Little Johnny replied. “They go out in back of the church yard.”

Dear Santa, You must be surprised that I'm writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter. I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I also had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than I, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity. What balls you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a stupid whistle and a pair of socks! What the fuck were you thinking, you fat son of a bitch, that you've taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with some shit like this under the tree. As if you hadn't fucked me enough, you gave that little faggot across the street so many toys that he couldn’t even walk into his house. Please don't let me see you trying to fit your big fat ass down my chimney next year. I'll fuck you up. I'll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you'll have to walk back to the fucking North Pole, just like what I have to do now since you didn't get me that fucking bike. FUCK YOU SANTA. Next year you'll find out how bad I can be, you FAT-SON-OF-A-BITCH. Sincerely, Little Johnny

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Joke A Day's Little Johnny Jokes -- www.jokeaday.com

Joke A Day

Joke A Day has been sending out jokes daily via email since 1996. We currently have over 400,000 readers in 152 countries. Nope, we don't know how we do it, either. If you're not an asshole, drop by and see us at www.jokeaday.com. You can get a free subscription to Joke A Day by sending a blank email to [email protected]. Return the confirmation letter and you'll be set to float like a Butterball and sting when you pee. If you are an asshole, write us a pissy little letter and we'll make fun of you six ways to Sunday, insult your parentage, call your sexuality into question, and say nasty things about you, thus living up to our motto: "Making Fun of Morons Since 1863." (Whether you're an asshole or not, you'll have to visit the site to figure out that whole "if you got started in 1996, how've you been making fun of morons since 1863?" thing.) If you enjoyed this e-book, check out our entire collection of joke books on Amazon.com or anywhere else e-books can be found. If you didn't enjoy this book, well, check the rest of our entire collection of joke books on Amazon.com or anywhere else e-books can be found. Keep buying the damned things until you find one you like. If you buy them all and you didn't like a single one, man, will we ever use you as fodder for that whole "Making Fun of Morons" thing. We'll have your cash and frankly, that's what we're really interested in. In addition to these little e-book things, we even took the time to put a collection of jokes, letters, and a bunch other stuff in books that are on paper. Yeah, paper. You might have heard something about it. "If You Beat Your Fish It Will Die," and "This Taste Funny to You?"

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Page 39: Johnny Jokes

Joke A Day's Little Johnny Jokes -- www.jokeaday.com

Thank You

A big round of applause to the proofreaders who helped make sure I didn't look any more stupid than I had to: Dreamy Drea, Jimmy the Mudcat, Daph the Memory Maker, and MaryEllen -- BadAss Mentor and Co-Defendant. A whopping big-ass, making their panties wet kiss (from the person of their choice) to Teddy Bear Renne and Marla the Super Proofer for their above and beyond efforts in dotting the "i"'s, crossing the "t"'s, and making sure I didn't leave anything

And a huge "Thanks a Zillion" to these wonderful people who believed enough in this little e-book project that they donated buckets of cash that I spent at Kentucky Fried Chicken and Mabel's Whore House. ("Mabel's: Liquor in the Front, Poker in the Rear -- Where the Customer Comes First!") Perry (you stud you!), MaryEllen (you sexpot you!), Michael (you studly fireman you!), Dennis, (you Bandito you!), Teresa (you Gem you!), Peacebug (you Harmonizer you!), and bringing it up with her damned cute rear, Sandi!

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Page 40: Johnny Jokes

Joke A Day's Little Johnny Jokes -- www.jokeaday.com

Joke A Day, Inc.

Published by Joke A Day, Inc., a rinky-dink outfit started in 1996 with the dumbass

idea that no one had ever sent a joke via email before.

Jeez.

Should have gone into porn.

If you received this book without a cover, well, dammit, you were supposed to. It's an "e-book," for crying out loud.

If you received this "e-book" through some guy named "Raoul," then I'm sure I didn't get paid for it. Shame on you. I've got kids to feed

and one big-ass alimony payment to make.

Copyright 2002 by Joke A Day, Inc. -- Ray Owens

All rights reserved. All pigs fed and ready to fly.

Published in the United States of America, somewhere in Ohio, on the 2nd floor bedroom / office of a very heavily

mortgaged house. Which is another reason if you got this book from Raoul you should be horsewhipped.

If you paid for this book, visit us on the web at

http://www.jokeaday.com/

If you stole this book, visit us on the web at

http://www.eatshitanddieyoucheapbastard.com

Library of Congress Cataloging- in-Publication Data Owens, Ray

Joke A Day's Little Johnny Jokes / Ray Owens

ISBN 0-9659152-5-5

First Edition: November 2002

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