How To Foster and Develop Strong

Relationships to Propel Your Career to New

Levels

PRESENTED BY: Aileen Ellis, PgMP, PMP

AME Group Inc. - PMI-REP

Date: April 2015

Location: Denver Colorado

1. Meet with people they already know

-Strengthen current relationships

2. Meet new people

-Build new relationships

3. Learn more about topics that interest them

4. Learn about new topics

13. Hear the speakers

Why do people attend

conferences?

What makes for a strong

relationship? - If we get to choose we choose to spend

time with people who make us feel good

about ourselves, people who increase our

self-worth

The Universal Motivation

Every person wants to experience a sense

of self-worth.

Self worth can come from:

One’s self – being valued by yourself

Others – being valued by others

…for the things for which you want

to be valued.

Objectives for This Afternoon

Building Strong Relationships…

What makes us feel good

What makes others feel good

What gets in the way of positive relationships

Start Building and Strengthening

Relationships

Here and Now with the people in the room

Guideline: you may only partner with an

individual once. Each activity we need to

change partners.

Personal Strengths

A personal strength is a behavior

used to enhance the self-worth

of one’s self and others.

Personal strengths make us feel good

about ourselves and others feel good

about themselves.

Activity

Strength

Management

Find your top 5 strengths in the on the sheet in front of you and circle them. Remember a strength is a behavior that enhances your self-worth (it makes you feel good about yourself) when you are freely allowed to use the strength.

Activity

Get up,

mingle and

trade cards.

You have 5 cards….

Everyone else has 5 cards...

5 Card Game

The goal: each of us end up

with 5 cards that make us feel

really good about ourselves

(that bring us self-worth).

Guideline: you cannot

exchange more than one card

with an individual

Relating Styles

Valued Relating Style:

a style of relating where a person feels

free to choose behavior that enhances

self-worth.

Activity

Find a partner

where you and

your partner

have at least

one personal

strength

(behavior) in

common.

What is important to you about

being ….

How do you feel when others

are…..

Behavior(s) in common

How do you feel when others

are too….

Reverse roles.

Activity

Find a partner

where you and

your partner

have no

personal

strengths

(behaviors) in

common.

What is important to you about

being ….

How do you feel when others

are…..

Behavior(s) not in common

How do you feel when others

are too….

Reverse roles.

Motivational

Values

Perception

of Situation

Behavior

Choice

Result

Start

Do

es

th

e a

ctu

al re

su

lt

co

nfi

rm s

elf

-wo

rth

?

Does the behavior

confirm self-worth?

Valued

Relating Style

YE

S

YES NO N

O

Do

es

th

e in

ten

de

d r

es

ult

co

nfi

rm s

elf

-wo

rth

?

Self-Worth Model

Activity Take out a pen or pencil and

write your name fast 3 times.

Place pen in other hand

because you are carrying a

tray of food. Now write your

name 3 times fast again.

Relating Styles

Borrowed Relating Style:

a style of relating which is intended to

achieve a desired outcome, where the

behavior itself does not enhance

self-worth.

Activity

Find a partner

where you and

your partner

have no

personal

strengths

(behaviors) in

common.

Give your partner an example of

when you used one of their

behaviors to achieve a desired

outcome ….

(you are describing when you borrowed one of their behaviors)

Behavior(s) not in common

Reverse roles and have them

give an example with one of

your behaviors.

Motivational

Values

Perception

of Situation

Behavior

Choice

Result

Start

Do

es

th

e a

ctu

al re

su

lt

co

nfi

rm s

elf

-wo

rth

?

Does the behavior

confirm self-worth?

Borrowed

Relating Style

YE

S

YES NO N

O

Do

es

th

e in

ten

de

d r

es

ult

co

nfi

rm s

elf

-wo

rth

?

Self-Worth Model

Activity Take out a pen or pencil

Place pen in other hand

because you have broken your

arm. What would happen

when you write your name?

How is this different than when

you were carrying a tray?

Relating Styles

Mask Relating Style:

a style of relating that feels imposed

and does not increase self-worth.

We use these behaviors to survive a

situation.

Activity

Find a partner

where you and

your partner

have no

personal

strengths

(behaviors) in

common.

Give your partner an example of

when you used one of their

behaviors to survive a situation

(you are describing when you masked one of their behaviors)

Behavior(s) not in common

Reverse roles and have them

give an example with one of

your behaviors.

Motivational

Values

Perception

of Situation

Behavior

Choice

Result

Start

Do

es

th

e a

ctu

al re

su

lt

co

nfi

rm s

elf

-wo

rth

?

Does the behavior

confirm self-worth?

Mask

Relating Style

YE

S

YES NO N

O

Do

es

th

e in

ten

de

d r

es

ult

co

nfi

rm s

elf

-wo

rth

?

Self-Worth Model

Relating Styles

Mask Relating Style:

Prolonged “masking” can lead to increased

stress and severe medical conditions.

Relating Styles

Valued Relating Style: a style of relating where a person feels free to choose behavior that

enhances self-worth.

Borrowed Relating Style: a style of relating which is intended to achieve achieve a

desired outcome, where the behavior itself does not enhance

self-worth.

Mask Relating Style: a style of relating that feels imposed and does not increase self-

worth.

We use these behaviors to survive a situation.

Colors

Altruistic-Nurturing

Assertive-Directing

Analytic-Autotomizing

Flexible-Cohering

Colors

Behavior

Motivation Motivational Value

SystemTM (MVS)

Overdone Strengths

An overdone strength is a behavior

intended as a strength, which is

perceived negatively by you or others

…and decreases the probability of

positive relationships.

OVERDONE STRENGTHS

Self Confident

Arrogant

Competitive

Combative

OVERDONE STRENGTHS

Trusting

Gullible

Caring

Submissive

OVERDONE STRENGTHS

Cautious

Suspicious

Methodical

Rigid

OVERDONE STRENGTHS

Adaptable

Spineless

Tolerant

Uncaring

OVERDONE STRENGTHS Self Confident

Arrogant

Competitive

Combative

Trusting

Gullible

Caring

Submissive

Cautious

Suspicious

Methodical

Rigid

Adaptable

Spineless

Tolerant

Uncaring

Managers on

average,

spend 30% of

their time

dealing with

conflict.

thomas, K. & Schmidt, W. A surcey of managerial interests with respect to conflict. Academy of Management

Journal

Activity Select one of your Overdone Strengths that has led to conflict.

Describe an example where you used this strength too often (frequency) and it led to conflict? Describe what you are hoping to accomplish when you overdo this strength. Describe the impact you have on others when you overdo this strength. Next time you are at risk of overdoing this strength, what might you do differently?

Activity Select one of your Overdone Strengths that has led to conflict.

Describe an example where you used this strength too long (duration) and it led to conflict? Describe what you are hoping to accomplish when you overdo this strength. Describe the impact you have on others when you overdo this strength. Next time you are at risk of overdoing this strength, what might you do differently?

Activity Select one of your Overdone Strengths that has led to conflict.

Describe an example where you used this strength too strongly (intensity) and it led to conflict? Describe what you are hoping to accomplish when you overdo this strength. Describe the impact you have on others when you overdo this strength. Next time you are at risk of overdoing this strength, what might you do differently?

Activity Select one of your Overdone Strengths that has led to conflict.

Describe an example where you used this strength in the wrong situation (context) and it led to conflict? Describe what you are hoping to accomplish when you overdo this strength. Describe the impact you have on others when you overdo this strength. Next time you are at risk of overdoing this strength, what might you do differently?

Overdone Strength Variables

Strengths can

be overdone in: F Frequency

D Duration

I Intensity

C Context

Summary of Overdone Strengths

We may overdo or misapply some of our strengths

We may deny self-worth to ourselves and others by overdoing strengths

We can prevent some conflict by increasing our awareness and making better choices

Motivational

Values

Perception

of Situation

Behavior

Choice

Result

Start

Do

es

th

e a

ctu

al re

su

lt

co

nfi

rm s

elf

-wo

rth

?

Does the behavior

confirm self-worth?

Valued

Relating Style

Borrowed

Relating Style

Overdone

Relating Style

Mask

Relating Style

YE

S

YES NO N

O

Do

es

th

e in

ten

de

d r

es

ult

co

nfi

rm s

elf

-wo

rth

?

Self-Worth Model

Conflict Variables

1. Power differentials

2. Relationship history

3. Age

4. Gender

5. Culture

6. Values (including Motivational Value System)

Strength Management

We choose our

own behavior

We use personal strengths from every color

to build our self-worth and the self-worth

of others

Personal Strengths

Blue

Red-Blue

Red

Red-Green

Green

Blue-Green

Hub

Fair Fair

Fair

Fair

The connection

between motivation

and behavior

Green

The connection

between motivation

and behavior

Fair

Forceful Caring

Tolerant

Blue

Red-Blue

Red

Red-Green Blue-Green

Hub

1. Meet with people they already know

-Strengthen current relationships

2. Meet new people

-Build new relationships

3. Learn more about topics that interest them

4. Learn about new topics

13. Hear the speakers

Why do people attend

conferences?

What could you do right

now to make this the

most valuable

conference you have

ever attended?