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40 pages PowerPoint Presentation. To get more attention - I used icons and images to give more message instead of words/sentence. Also the whole presentation look neat and clean.
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GEORGIA MURCH
HAVING ‘THOSE’ CONVERSATIONS …. REMARKABLY
Insert date
WHY ARE WE HERE?
Build your confidence to have the tough conversations
Develop tools to become better at communication
Learn to manage yourself when the conversation gets difficult
WHAT IS REMARKABLE FEEDBACK?
In the moment….or close to
Fact based Candid yet kind HelpfulPerformance
enhancing
Respectful Unbias Not personal Open to their side
TYPES OF FEEDBACK
Constructive feedback – positive• Information specific, issue focused,
and based on observation• About an effort well done• Objective, specific and non-judgmental• It is not ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ so it
encourages discussion.
Constructive feedback - negative• Information specific, issue focused,
and based on observation• News about an effort that needs
improvement• Not accusing – focused on outcomes• Objective, specific and non-judgmental
Praise• This is a personal judgment, a
favourable judgment• General and vague• Doesn’t encourage discussion so it can
come across as hollow, insincere or lacking in substance
• Focused on the person• Based on opinions and feelings
Criticism• This is a personal judgment, an
unfavourable judgment• General and vague• Without specifics it can lead to a battle
over whose perception is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’
• Focused on the person• Based on opinions and feelings
REMARKABLE LEADERS EXCEL IN COMMUNICATION
The key to real change is not just to build a great process –it’s for people to hold each other accountable to use the process and that requires crucial conversations”
“ Ron McMillan
Remarkable Leadership
GREAT LEADERS ‘NIP THEM IN THE BUD’
If you do nothing… nothing will change
It is likely the behaviour or action will repeat or accelerate
Only remarkable conversations will influence
Inci
dent
s
Time
SpotFire
BushFire Cost to the
Business
Tony HsiehCEO
Zappos
In any relationship, it’s important to be a good listener as well as a good communicator. Open, honest communication is the best foundation for any relationship, but remember it’s not what you say or what you do but how you make people feel that matters most. As the company grows, communication becomes more and more important.. Communication is one of the weakest spots in any organisation, no matter how good the communication is.
“COMMUNICATION IS EVERYTHING
People who routinely have these conversations, and have them well, are able to express controversial and even risky opinions in a way that gets
heard. Their bosses, peers, and direct reports listen without becoming defensive or angry or running to their cave.
Impact is significant Emotions are triggered There is disagreement
WHAT ARE ‘THOSE’ CONVERSATIONS?
Might ruin the relationship
Lack of confidence
Too confrontational
Don’t have time
Not sure how to approach
No point … nothing
will change
Unsure of the facts
It’s not my job/team member
WHY DO WE AVOID/HAVE THEM POORLY?
ENGAGEMENT RESULT PROFIT
Devoted Effortless +100
Dedicated Discretionary +50
Committed Compliance +10
Tolerant Non-committal -10
Withdrawn Pollution -50
Disregard Sabotage -100
Ignoring the real cost of ineffective communication is corporate suicide.
But you don’t know it until it’s too late.
Communication is like money…. You can never
have enough!
POOR COMMUNICATION COSTS
THE BOTTOM LINE IS….
Joseph Grenny
WHAT ARE THE FACTS?
Luke is a Developer and has been on your team for just over a year. He is based in NZ and you are in Melbourne. As the Team Leader you regularly catch up with Luke to check on how things are going and what he may need help with. His skills when he joined were not as strong as others on the team, however with training and coaching along the way you felt confident he would get there as he is a smart guy.
Luke does not appear to be taking the feedback on board and you have been having the same conversation for over 6 months now (your notes are on the database). This is becoming quite frustrating. The team in NZ have made comments that the quality of work is not great and are frustrated working with him. They are not prepared to pass on this feedback to him and have asked you as his manager to do something about it quickly. You need to have the conversation with Luke.
When we speculate on the facts and then present our story, not the facts, the outcome
is damaging – for us and for them.
“Our personal earthquake of assumptions become our own natural disaster that shape our relationships”
SPECULATION KILLED THE CAT
Story ConversationFacts Speculate
ThoughtsBeliefs
OpinionsValues
THE ICEBERG SYNDROME
Never judge a man’s actions until you know his motives”.“
Words and Behaviours
Thoughts and Feelings
Values and Beliefs
Driving needs
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but didn’t say much. I asked him what was wrong. He said ‘Nothing’. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way, home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behaviour, I don’t know why he didn’t say,‘I love you too’. When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He feel asleep – I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
Motorcyle won’t start. Can’t figure out why.
Her Diary
His Diary
SPECULATION KILLED THE CAT
SEPARATE YOUR STORY FROM THE FACTS
Step
02Step
03Step
01
Reflect on your future conversation
In groups of 3 discuss, what story
have you been telling yourself? Were you leading with facts or
opinion?
Separate the facts from the story
DISCOVER THE REAL TRUTH
Conversation
You
Them
A good conversation is like a tennis rally – back and forth, back and forth.
Do you have Conversations or Yoursations?
PREPARATION PRESERVES RELATIONSHIP
1. State the issue (the purpose)
2. Provide some examples (high level only)
3. Share you opinion/feelings about this
4. Clarify what is at stake
5. Identify your contribution to the problem
6. Indicate your intent to resolve (do not problem solve)
7. Ask them for their thoughts/perspective
A lot of hard work has to go into your career, and preparation, and being your best at all times.“ Leven Rabin
LET’S GIVE IT A GO
In pairs
Prepare for the future conversation (separate the story)
Then a group debrief - DON’T START THE NEXT ONE!
Lead – Practice your 1-2 minute start
Participant – Give feedback
10 mins in total
Your topic
My topic
Mutual Purpose
Not agreeing on the purpose of the conversation is like playing darts with a blindfold on. It’s pointless
and often dangerous.
GOTTA AGREE ON THE PURPOSE
Respect is like air. You don’t notice it day to day but as
soon as it’s gone it’s all you can think about.
0
100
-50
Ask for anything
Much work to do before you ask
for anything
RESPECT OR BUST
If you want to be a great leader, remember to treat all people with respect at all times. For one, because you never know you’ll need their help. And two, because it’s a sign you respect people, which all great leaders do.
“ Simon SinekAuthor of
‘Leadership Expert’
RESPECT OR BUST
FIGHTERS
Controlling
Labelling
Attacking
Intimidating
Fighters tend to
FLIGHTERS
Withdrawing
Avoiding
Masking
Flighters tend to avoid
IssuesContentPeople
TECHNIQUES TO RESTORE SAFETY
Apologise, when appropriate01
Use do/don’t statements 02
Agree on a mutual purpose03
Ask what is going on04
Paraphrase to acknowledge their story05
Make silence your friend06
Validate their feelings07
APOLOGIES MATTER
An apology is the super glue of conversations. It can repair just about anything.
Apology Other PersonTRUST
In the same pair
LET’S GIVE IT A GO
Use the conversations you prepared earlier
Lead – prepare and practice the techniques to restore safety
Participant – decide on fight or flight mode and do it
10 mins in total
Then a group debrief - DON’T START THE NEXT ONE!
The only person you can control is a conversation….
is YOU!
Breath Positive self talk (good wolf, bad wolf)
Ask for time
Be aware of your triggers
Ignore the story/speculation
Take ownership
Go back to your notes
Listen… really. Avoid interrupting
BUT HOW DO I SELF MANAGE?
POINTERS
Ask don’t tellCoaching
gives you timeGive up your strong
relationship to controlAllow your ego to move to the side
THE POWER OF COACHING
Coaching allows your people to reach their fullest potential +
Leading them become effortless
LET’S DO IT!
In pairs
Lead – Decide on the questions
you will use
Participant –Decide on a
problem/situation you would like to
work through
15 mins in total Then a group debrief - DON’T
START THE NEXT ONE!
BOARD OF DIRECTORS IN OUR HEAD
Blamer01
02 All about Me’er
03 B&W Thinker
04 Negative Thinker
05 Catastrophiser/Minimiser
06 Always right
07 Powerless
08 Perfectionist
09 Labeller
10 Entitler
LEAD YOURSELF OUT OF THE BOD TRAP?
Seek advice
Build gratitude
Shift the onus to yourself
Look for the gift in the lesson
Feed the Good Wolf
Go back to the facts
Learn to recognisethe thinking
METHOD OUTCOME
Face to face Ideal outcome
Face to face (tech) Near 100%
Phone Highly likely
Email Highly unlikely
Text/message Dangerous
Snapchat/ FB Epic Fail
Timing MethodIdeal
outcome
THE RIGHT PLACE, AT THE RIGHT TIME
Location
Learn to Look and STOP the discussion until safety is restored
The ‘real truth’ is your facts… AND theirs
‘Nipping it in the bud’ maintains relationships and productivity
Be conscious of Conversations not Yoursations
Present facts first always, don’t lead with opinion
Don’t believe everything you think – the BOD’s might be in control
Beware of the Iceberg syndrome and that you don’t apply it
If you don’t practice then NOTHING will change
When all else fails…. Breath!
Shut the hell up!
KEY TAKEAWAYS
DELIBERATE PRACTICE MAKES EXPERT
You won’t become an expert by observation. If you don’t practice – you won’t improve. The end.
WHAT’S YOUR START, STOP AND CONTINUE?
START
CONTINUE
STOP
Workb
ook
THANKS FOR THE FEEDBACK
Truth triggers
What stops us from receiving feedback graciously
What we can do in the moment
Relationship triggers
Identify triggers
Delivery trigger
Find the ‘gold’ Be the example Beware of your iceberg
SET CLEAR EXPECTATIONS
Optiver focus groups tell us;
Need to start setting clear goals;
When What How Measurement
“Outside of trading, priorities are often unclear and need direction”
“Blind sided by projects with no clear goals and poor ticketing”
“Not enough feedback or communication from TL on my work”
“1:1s are too task focused with longer term goals”
BRILLIANT CONVERSATIONS
Improve the quality of conversations
Improves the quality of your relationships
Improves the quality of outcomes
Leads to Brilliant Leadership
GET OUT THERE AND BECOME REMARKABLE!
Talk to
Georgia Murch
0402 252 791
www.canwetalk.net